Is it a case-by-case basis? Like in terms of severity?
Autism - Welcome to the Spectrum
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Is it a case-by-case basis? Like in terms of severity?
Yes. If they are considered disabled.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
No idea.
This seems like a case of "you lost the game because your ball bounced off the post".
How do you deal with obsessive collecting?
My stepson has always been a collector, but it's reached absolutely toxic levels. He shares a bank account with his mom, and yesterday we discovered that he'd spent the entire week's grocery money on his current obsession. (These little figurines for a certain table top game.) He knows what he did was wrong, but he just hoped he wouldn't be caught. When his mom confronted him about this last night, he did the usual "I can't help it" crocodile tears pity routine, which he considers his "Get Out Of Jail Free" card.
Naturally, we took away the bank card, and I recommended that everything he does be cash-based from now on. I also suggested we confiscate his collection of these figurines. It looks like he has hundreds of them, probably worth over $600.
Now, the collecting in general. He'll become completely obsessed with collecting one thing in particular, and when he's collected of much if it as he can, he'll move onto a new collecting obsession. It's a hole that will never, ever be filled.
With this current obsession I saw the warning signs for it about 18 months ago, when he wanted to "show" the game to his mom. I knew how ridiculously many of these damn figures there were, so I warned her not to give in. But she did, and now we're here.
He's never had an actual job (he's 19), and his mom just sorta gives him money when he asks for it, so he's developed this complete sense of entitlement. He can be manipulative too. For example, we'll go downtown on a Saturday, and he'll tag along with us, bringing a big bag of these things with him because there's a tournament. The moment we step off the subway he'll say "Oh, by the way, I need $20 to enter the tournament." When she does refuse, he puts on a dramatic monologue about how this is the worst thing that's ever happened to him and now his day is completely ruined.
Oh, and earlier this year he got banned from a national shopping chain for a year because they caught him shoplifting a collectable card game. Apparently he'd been doing it for a while. Luckily, they didn't press charges, even though he was an adult.
How can we deal with this collecting obsession? If we try to move him off one thing, he'll just latch onto something else. It's been going on for years, with several different iterations, and he's pretty set in his ways.
(His room is filled floor to ceiling with toys.)
My stepson has always been a collector, but it's reached absolutely toxic levels. He shares a bank account with his mom, and yesterday we discovered that he'd spent the entire week's grocery money on his current obsession. (These little figurines for a certain table top game.) He knows what he did was wrong, but he just hoped he wouldn't be caught. When his mom confronted him about this last night, he did the usual "I can't help it" crocodile tears pity routine, which he considers his "Get Out Of Jail Free" card.
Naturally, we took away the bank card, and I recommended that everything he does be cash-based from now on. I also suggested we confiscate his collection of these figurines. It looks like he has hundreds of them, probably worth over $600.
Now, the collecting in general. He'll become completely obsessed with collecting one thing in particular, and when he's collected of much if it as he can, he'll move onto a new collecting obsession. It's a hole that will never, ever be filled.
With this current obsession I saw the warning signs for it about 18 months ago, when he wanted to "show" the game to his mom. I knew how ridiculously many of these damn figures there were, so I warned her not to give in. But she did, and now we're here.
He's never had an actual job (he's 19), and his mom just sorta gives him money when he asks for it, so he's developed this complete sense of entitlement. He can be manipulative too. For example, we'll go downtown on a Saturday, and he'll tag along with us, bringing a big bag of these things with him because there's a tournament. The moment we step off the subway he'll say "Oh, by the way, I need $20 to enter the tournament." When she does refuse, he puts on a dramatic monologue about how this is the worst thing that's ever happened to him and now his day is completely ruined.
Oh, and earlier this year he got banned from a national shopping chain for a year because they caught him shoplifting a collectable card game. Apparently he'd been doing it for a while. Luckily, they didn't press charges, even though he was an adult.
How can we deal with this collecting obsession? If we try to move him off one thing, he'll just latch onto something else. It's been going on for years, with several different iterations, and he's pretty set in his ways.
(His room is filled floor to ceiling with toys.)
I would like to know as well. My kids get obsessed with stuff and collect piles of junk from the house into their rooms. Not an issue, until they become possessive over all of this stuff.
As for issue J, I think if he had a job and his own money then that would control the flow of money into these things. But I don't know how he can get a job without skills.
He's also very specific about what jobs he wants.
Stocking shelves at a supermarket isn't something he'd agree to.
But also, I'm worried that if he did have regular income, it would just flow directly into his collecting and actually make it worse. Right now he's limited to what his mom gives him.
I think that stuff only works to address add/ADHD symptoms. So the drugs shouldn't affect a HF kid unless they have autism plus ADHD
Which is my youngest son.
If anyone has a kid like this, look at getting the Daytrana patch if insurance will cover it (it's expensive without).
It supplies a constant stream and you don't have to deal with the peaks and valleys of normal ADHD meds.
I'm talking about adults. Stimulants may help with social skills and executive functions for people with ASD. I've actually read some good things about it. On some days I have to be very social and talk a lot on a professional level but right now I'm pretty bad at this because I lack concentration and can't organize everything I have to say in my head, so there's a lot of moments that I just freeze and my phrases are poorly worded. I really need to fix this temporarily (just a few days), it could save my future.
Skel1ingt0n
I can't *believe* these lazy developers keep making file sizes so damn large. Btw, how does technology work?
I don't know if this is the right place to ask this, and I am admittedly ignorant to most of this - so please, if I say anything disrespectful or am out of touch, please correct me and I promise I will do my best to correct myself.
This is not something I've brought up with anyone. Nothing like treating GAF like a liveblog.
My GF and I have been dating for about a year. Things are really good - we rarely argue, are very mature, have a great time together, love each other. It's weird, because I've had previous relationships that lasted several years, but I never even considered marriage. Well, for the last couple months, I've found myself taking the VERY early steps at budgeting for an engagement ring. At this point, I think it's an inevitability, and so I'm at least putting more thought into it.
Anyway, GF is gone today, and so I had sometime to browse for rings a bit. In it, I started considering other things.
We both want kids. She wants a bunch. I want two. We've had serious discussions about it, and she understands why I'd just want two, and has been supportive of that. Obviously, you can't plan your life out, but we both know kids are in our future.
Here's the deal. I have a half-brother I'm not very close to. I'm just shy of 26... he's seven, I think? I've met him a few times - he's the offspring of my father and my stepmom; I have no qualms, but I'm just not close to that side of my family at all.
Anyway, I know he was diagnosed with autism a couple years ago. He always was on the tips of his toes, flapped his arms a lot, was generally hyper and didn't filter - at all - his thoughts.
Well, my GF has an older brother who is also autistic. I know he made things extremely difficult when they were younger; and while I don't know much - I know just the fact he managed to get a job and hold onto it is considered a huge feat for his family. I've only met him once - he was nice enough to me; but he definitely struggled in a social situation and didn't pick up on social cues like everyone else at the lunch table. I know in the past there were issues with fights and school and special placements and finances and doctor's visits and a lot more.
This got me thinking - and I'm wondering if I should be concerned, then, that there's a good chance I could have a kid with with autism. I know that's not a death sentence or anything - I don't mean to imply as such. But I know I have a shorter fuse than I should, and I struggle with patience - and don't like feeling "different." I know, I know... that's supremely selfish. But I'd be lying if I didn't say it was a concern.
Is this a normal thing to feel? Am I an asshole for that? Am I right in having the concern?
I just know that if that were to happen, I, personally, would struggle. It'd be tough. And it makes me, thus, fearful.
Just thinking out loud. Any input or guidance appreciated.
It doesn't even kind of make me consider not getting married. It probably doesn't change anything. But... I dunno... it's just in the back of my mind.
This is not something I've brought up with anyone. Nothing like treating GAF like a liveblog.
My GF and I have been dating for about a year. Things are really good - we rarely argue, are very mature, have a great time together, love each other. It's weird, because I've had previous relationships that lasted several years, but I never even considered marriage. Well, for the last couple months, I've found myself taking the VERY early steps at budgeting for an engagement ring. At this point, I think it's an inevitability, and so I'm at least putting more thought into it.
Anyway, GF is gone today, and so I had sometime to browse for rings a bit. In it, I started considering other things.
We both want kids. She wants a bunch. I want two. We've had serious discussions about it, and she understands why I'd just want two, and has been supportive of that. Obviously, you can't plan your life out, but we both know kids are in our future.
Here's the deal. I have a half-brother I'm not very close to. I'm just shy of 26... he's seven, I think? I've met him a few times - he's the offspring of my father and my stepmom; I have no qualms, but I'm just not close to that side of my family at all.
Anyway, I know he was diagnosed with autism a couple years ago. He always was on the tips of his toes, flapped his arms a lot, was generally hyper and didn't filter - at all - his thoughts.
Well, my GF has an older brother who is also autistic. I know he made things extremely difficult when they were younger; and while I don't know much - I know just the fact he managed to get a job and hold onto it is considered a huge feat for his family. I've only met him once - he was nice enough to me; but he definitely struggled in a social situation and didn't pick up on social cues like everyone else at the lunch table. I know in the past there were issues with fights and school and special placements and finances and doctor's visits and a lot more.
This got me thinking - and I'm wondering if I should be concerned, then, that there's a good chance I could have a kid with with autism. I know that's not a death sentence or anything - I don't mean to imply as such. But I know I have a shorter fuse than I should, and I struggle with patience - and don't like feeling "different." I know, I know... that's supremely selfish. But I'd be lying if I didn't say it was a concern.
Is this a normal thing to feel? Am I an asshole for that? Am I right in having the concern?
I just know that if that were to happen, I, personally, would struggle. It'd be tough. And it makes me, thus, fearful.
Just thinking out loud. Any input or guidance appreciated.
It doesn't even kind of make me consider not getting married. It probably doesn't change anything. But... I dunno... it's just in the back of my mind.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
You have a half-brother.
She has an actual brother.
Even if you both were autistic, the chances are 50/50.
There is absolutely no data to support what combination of genetic mash-up results in autism.
Believe me, it's something I think about a lot too.
But the fact of the matter is that it's way too random a draw to even think of as a definite reality.
Unfortunately, there is no 100% yes or no answer to this question. I believe, based on my limited knowledge, that you guys have a high chance of having a kid on the spectrum.
But as far as my kids go, my autistic child is the easiest. We know what he likes and he knows what he likes. He doesn't always get what he wants, but he is very logical. So if you explain things to him that make logical sense, then he doesn't have an issue.
Eye for an Eye
Member
Fragile X is the only genetic condition that causes autism symptoms. If you are concerned about this, you can request genetic testing with your doctor. Counsyl is one company that offers a test that looks for a wide variety of recessive and dominant disorders.
My sister and I are both Fragile X carriers with 150 repeats. I asked my grandmother's neurologist to do a genetic test on her, and she tested negative for it, so more than likely it came from our father. Generally, male to female transmission, the repeat count doesn't increase. That means our father also has a repeat count of near 150, and he has some delays, but but functions close enough to normal. It's things that are picked up by the family, not necessarily some one on the outside may notice. This is what I know from my sister who talks with our cousin on that side of the family. I don't know my father's side much at all, only met them a few times as a teen.
Other than that, there's very little known on where autism comes from. Some believe it may be X-link inherited, meaning it's a dominant trait. It only requires one copy to be "active" in a person. That's why males are more affected than females. Males only have one X chromosome from the mother, but the Y can't balance out the bad X. Females get an X from the mother and father, so there's generally one good X to balance it out.
My sister and I are both Fragile X carriers with 150 repeats. I asked my grandmother's neurologist to do a genetic test on her, and she tested negative for it, so more than likely it came from our father. Generally, male to female transmission, the repeat count doesn't increase. That means our father also has a repeat count of near 150, and he has some delays, but but functions close enough to normal. It's things that are picked up by the family, not necessarily some one on the outside may notice. This is what I know from my sister who talks with our cousin on that side of the family. I don't know my father's side much at all, only met them a few times as a teen.
Other than that, there's very little known on where autism comes from. Some believe it may be X-link inherited, meaning it's a dominant trait. It only requires one copy to be "active" in a person. That's why males are more affected than females. Males only have one X chromosome from the mother, but the Y can't balance out the bad X. Females get an X from the mother and father, so there's generally one good X to balance it out.
ABA therapy - So we have never done ABA therapy for my son (he's 4 yrs old). Our doctors have never recommended it for him based on their testing. I keep asking my wife if she thinks our son needs ABA, and she keeps re-assuring me that he does not. His social skills seem pretty good, except when he is in a large crowd. He's also lucky to have 2 brothers that force him to socially interact with them.
I know several people here have their kids in ABA or were in ABA.
So what could ABA do for my son?
I know several people here have their kids in ABA or were in ABA.
So what could ABA do for my son?
Tragicomedy
Member
ABA is essentially designed to help stamp out negative behaviors and encourage positive, socially acceptable behavior in its place. Originally, ABA fit more into a reward-based approach that focused on rote repetition of tasks that would allow your child to "appear" more normal, but it was really just responding to established prompts. So basically, it was giving your kid candy or allowing them to play with a toy when they act appropriately.
Modern day ABA, and this is totally dependent on where you specifically take your kid, is worlds better. It focuses more on positive motivation in place of rewards, spends more time engaging your kid in their natural interests and imaginative play, and generally is a hell of a lot less robotic than what it used to be. Over the years, good ABA locations have incorporated aspects of the DIR/Floortime method from Dr. Greenspan, which is more about engaging your child while they are playing to teach them stuff. We send our son to that type of ABA therapy, and then continue doing our own mini-ABA/Floortime sessions at home.
It has been very successful for our child, helped his confidence, eye contact, communication, and general behavior immensely. I don't know if ABA is the "right" choice for every kid on the spectrum, and we've heard more than a few parents tell us it wasn't very productive for their kid. I think it comes down to an open-minded approach of trying different things to help your child and seeing how effective they are.
I will say that ABA is the most research-supported of autism intervention therapies, along side speech and occupational therapy sessions. As such, those three are typically the only things that get covered by mainstream insurance companies. ABA may or may not be covered based on your state. Floortime is another socially-focused approach that has some research to back it up.
TL;DR - ABA is working well for my son. It has a lot of research to support it. It is likely covered by your insurance. Good BCBAs incorporate methods from the DIR/Floortime model in their therapy for a more natural approach. Not everyone is a fan, particularly those who were exposed to old-school ABA intervention that focused on rote memorization and repetition for rewards.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
Okay. So. Way too pissed off right now.
I'm way too optimistic a person. Rereading the disability report on the eve of me filing for an Appeal is just.... depressing. It's like I'm in high school and realizing that the people I call my friends just have me around to do their math homework. I've read this thing three times, but tonight, my mom finally read it and pointed out how bullshit it is.
I need to go out. Take a walk. Get food. But I'll be back to share all the shitty details.
I didn't bother posting a huge rant before because I was simply upset I got denied. But now I'm fucking livid because I had each detail pointed out and explained to me.
I'm way too trusting a person. Holy shit.
I'm way too optimistic a person. Rereading the disability report on the eve of me filing for an Appeal is just.... depressing. It's like I'm in high school and realizing that the people I call my friends just have me around to do their math homework. I've read this thing three times, but tonight, my mom finally read it and pointed out how bullshit it is.
I need to go out. Take a walk. Get food. But I'll be back to share all the shitty details.
I didn't bother posting a huge rant before because I was simply upset I got denied. But now I'm fucking livid because I had each detail pointed out and explained to me.
I'm way too trusting a person. Holy shit.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
1) I need to appeal by this week.
2) My lawyer and I are discussing on Monday if she is staying on.
They (the department or whatever) completely butchered the entire last four years of my life.
1) They omitted my re-diagnosis at UCLA and the testimony of my two doctors there. While at the same time, they kept in testimony of all of the state-funded doctors I saw (that they required me to). One of which said "I hope you get well soon", and the other complained to the receptionist about Obama for 30 minutes.
2) They fucking called my mom a liar ("The mother isn't credible").
3) They omitted my uncle and my aunt's testimony. My uncle who I worked for at home and my aunt who is a retired teacher that worked with auties.
4) They only included one sentence from my required testimony from a therapist: "he's here to get help getting disability benefits". Which is not only out of context but also not negative in any sense. They refused to add in anything about my social phobias or biological issues.
5) They wrote that I'm perfectly content to sit around writing and watching video games all day. Which is a horrible twist on the question of what do I do nowadays.
6) They wrote that I have no problem with eye contact. I'll let this one sit right here for a while.
7) I went to college. So obviously I'm okay.
Most of all, I'm just pissed off that so many people devoted so much time and money into this thing only to have it thrown away in an instant.
When I originally read the report, I skimmed it. I didn't think anything of the fact that I didn't find the UCLA stuff because the other doctors were there, right? And I read the ipso fact decision. And as for everything else, I guess I was desensitized to it because I've read medical reports on my condition for the past twenty years.
At the job I started back in October, for the local Disability & Special Needs board working with and training different people, I have been having the time of my life. However, up to this point I have only been working with those that are intellectually disabled (formerly refereed to as "retarded"). That is just the way it has worked out. The next round of folks I will be working with are all very young people with autism. That is what I anticipated the job would be, but it ended up to be more than what I thought I was in store for.
Do you guys have any tips or advice as I move on to this next chapter of my position? I know it's vague, but I wanted to toss it out there. Thanks.
Do you guys have any tips or advice as I move on to this next chapter of my position? I know it's vague, but I wanted to toss it out there. Thanks.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
Of what? Specifics? What do you need help with?
Are the kids going to be high functioning or low functioning?
Not sure yet. I have a bunch I have to do assessments on soon. To do the job I will b preparing them for however, it require them to be on the higher functioning end of the spectrum. I will say this though - almost all of those I work with are eligible, and receive, be fits because of their conditions. I certainly won't count any of them out until really seeing their potential. I want to put as many of these folks to work as I possibly can. I guess I'm just looking for general tips.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
Ages?
Things that seem meaningless could be very significant. And things that seem important could be very insignicant.
Social norms that you understand, they may not fully grasp.
Most are 17-21, but I have a few coming up in their late 20s and early 30s. It pains me to see how so many have been given up on, including some of the parents. I never thought the parents would be such a huge hurdle I helping these people, but it sure seems that way more often than not so far.
Thanks for the tip.
Are any of you guys familiar with TEACCH?
http://www.autism.com/treating_TEACCH
Tragicomedy
Member
Yes, and there's a lot of positive feedback on the methodology. Just note that it's not a form of therapy (or a therapy substitute), but rather a system to help folks on the spectrum navigate through the challenges of daily life. I've only heard positives about it in my readings.
The wife and I are big fans of the DIR/Floortime approach at home and incorporated into ABA techniques. I'm not a fan of old-school, more traditional ABA approaches that focused on rote memorization of canned statements and actions in response to queues.
Basically, any method that meets a toddler at their level and actively engages them in fun play strikes me as the more beneficial approach. I've been way more successful at teaching my boy new things (words and life skills, for starters) while I engage with him in playing than by having him sit down at a desk and listen to me. Even more importantly, he's gone from disinterest in people and complete lack of eye contact to running up to me every evening, grabbing my hand, looking me in the eyes, and asking me to come play with him.
My thought process is that my son already shows advanced skills in reading and math as a four year old, but he's roughly on par with a two year old from a social skills standpoint. So I'll continue to reinforce his strengths in the academic areas, but my real weight of effort is spend focusing on social engagement, communication, and play. I'm drawn towards intervention approaches that work on social skills in a natural environment.
HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
What tips are you looking for?
We're in NC and they use TEACCH. My son seems to be thriving in that system. Our Doctor was trained in the TEACCH system and she speaks highly of it.
How it relates to 17+ year olds, I have no clue.
Whoo hoo... It only took a week and a half to get my son back on track after a week long cruise. Poor little guy was having poop issues and now he seems to be 100%. I have noticed that when he holds it in, he really starts acting out.
Next week he goes back to school and a couple of months from now we figure out if he will be main-streamed into Kindergarten (next year).
Next week he goes back to school and a couple of months from now we figure out if he will be main-streamed into Kindergarten (next year).
Just saw this article today
Autism Diagnosis in Siblings Serves as Poor Indicator of Risk.
The article talks about the study of 85 families that have 2 kids with autism. Which I think is not enough of a sample size. But it's something.
Here's some interesting bits.
I have 2 kids on the spectrum and they are complete opposites. So much so, that we are going to have our youngest re-evaluated to be sure he is on the spectrum.
Autism Diagnosis in Siblings Serves as Poor Indicator of Risk.
The article talks about the study of 85 families that have 2 kids with autism. Which I think is not enough of a sample size. But it's something.
Here's some interesting bits.
I have 2 kids on the spectrum and they are complete opposites. So much so, that we are going to have our youngest re-evaluated to be sure he is on the spectrum.
Tragicomedy
Member
Good read, but as you said, the sample size seems very low to extract any larger meaning from the study.
But the good news is this sparked a lot of interest in the research community.
spons
Gold Member
Spent three months in juvenile psych ward to get diagnosed with autism and I've been on assisted living for two and a half years until I moved back in with my mother. Shit's tough. Although it's exceedingly easy to get benefits in this country, it's not exactly a lot and my mothers welfare got cut because we now get more than the limit.
I really need to get back to work but I don't have any diplomas, except for elementary school. I worked back in 2011 delivering snail mail but it was difficult as heck. Kept talking to myself on the streets and people stared at me (obviously), quite frankly I couldn't handle it and I quit after a year (only worked on saturdays).
I'm trying to get some diploma but I don't have the money nor help to get through all this. I've had talks with psychiatrists, a sexologist for various problems, had EMDR after being abused by a teacher when I was 7 years old and joined various group therapy sessions. Now I have weekly talks with a therapist. Just can't catch a break.
Taking Abilify to get some rest in my head and citalopram for depression.
The group therapy sessions are the worst. All these people with their own shit, borderline, rape, abuse and depression, then talking about it? Please. Never again.
Biggest problem is probably that I'm under financial guardianship after a court session, I get 50 bucks a week to eat and smoke but that's it. The bills are paid by an external company who manages all of it. Might be a good thing though, otherwise I'd gamble everything away because of my addiction to it.
Anyway, don't want to get people with autistic children to see a glimpse of a future that isn't that worthwhile for him or her, but the more society needs/expects from you, the worse it'll get.
Life is an utter drag and the only thing that keeps me alive is my mother. Being alone is near impossible and I don't know what I'm capable of when she passes away.
I really need to get back to work but I don't have any diplomas, except for elementary school. I worked back in 2011 delivering snail mail but it was difficult as heck. Kept talking to myself on the streets and people stared at me (obviously), quite frankly I couldn't handle it and I quit after a year (only worked on saturdays).
I'm trying to get some diploma but I don't have the money nor help to get through all this. I've had talks with psychiatrists, a sexologist for various problems, had EMDR after being abused by a teacher when I was 7 years old and joined various group therapy sessions. Now I have weekly talks with a therapist. Just can't catch a break.
Taking Abilify to get some rest in my head and citalopram for depression.
The group therapy sessions are the worst. All these people with their own shit, borderline, rape, abuse and depression, then talking about it? Please. Never again.
Biggest problem is probably that I'm under financial guardianship after a court session, I get 50 bucks a week to eat and smoke but that's it. The bills are paid by an external company who manages all of it. Might be a good thing though, otherwise I'd gamble everything away because of my addiction to it.
Anyway, don't want to get people with autistic children to see a glimpse of a future that isn't that worthwhile for him or her, but the more society needs/expects from you, the worse it'll get.
Life is an utter drag and the only thing that keeps me alive is my mother. Being alone is near impossible and I don't know what I'm capable of when she passes away.
Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you've had a very rough life. It's good to see that you have some social services available to you. I hope you are able to get your diploma and move forward with life.
bengraven
Member
Getting frustrated with my kid's school.
They are constantly sending us letters home informing us that our six year old son is lagging behind. They are supportive at times, sending home a large packet of work that is months old, saying he can finish in his own time. But other times they make it seem like there's no reason he shouldn't be finishing his work on time, in class, like the other kids. They say he's looking around the classroom, looking at other kids who are in turn yelling at him to get back to his work.
Now his first grade teacher is considering holding him back a year or probably putting him in the autism class full time. (right now he's just in there two hours a day for speech therapy, he's in a mixed class of "regular kids" and kids with special needs) They also are suggesting we put him on Adderall!
What's frustrating is that they are taking forever to actually diagnose him! They keep putting off the final testing and at one point the fucking school psychologist lied to my wife and said she had lost the first parts of the test he had been doing for the last two years of school...they said "actually, I have them right here, but I'm not sure if they're valid anymore".
If we don't know what he has, why the hell are we going to drug him or punish him as if he was just a normal kid? When his first grade teacher herself the volunteer head of the region's special needs department?
It kills me because we do what we can, but we're not specialists, we're not therapists. He can GET that help if they'll diagnose him.
They are constantly sending us letters home informing us that our six year old son is lagging behind. They are supportive at times, sending home a large packet of work that is months old, saying he can finish in his own time. But other times they make it seem like there's no reason he shouldn't be finishing his work on time, in class, like the other kids. They say he's looking around the classroom, looking at other kids who are in turn yelling at him to get back to his work.
Now his first grade teacher is considering holding him back a year or probably putting him in the autism class full time. (right now he's just in there two hours a day for speech therapy, he's in a mixed class of "regular kids" and kids with special needs) They also are suggesting we put him on Adderall!
What's frustrating is that they are taking forever to actually diagnose him! They keep putting off the final testing and at one point the fucking school psychologist lied to my wife and said she had lost the first parts of the test he had been doing for the last two years of school...they said "actually, I have them right here, but I'm not sure if they're valid anymore".
If we don't know what he has, why the hell are we going to drug him or punish him as if he was just a normal kid? When his first grade teacher herself the volunteer head of the region's special needs department?
It kills me because we do what we can, but we're not specialists, we're not therapists. He can GET that help if they'll diagnose him.
Sounds like his teacher just doesn't want to deal with him. Which is complete BS.
Also, why are you waiting on a school diagnosis? We took our kid to a developmental ped to get diagnosed. The did the ADOS and tested his speech. It was kind of expensive to do, but it was better than relying on the state to do it.
I had a blow-up with my step-son this morning. (He's 19, and has Aspergers/Tourettes.)
I was getting ready for work, and he was in his room angrily ranting to himself about how much of an asshole I am. I've been very patient with this, listening to it a whole lot lately, and it kinda hurts and makes me feel uncomfortable.
So when I walk past his door, I say to him "If you have a problem with me, please say it to my face."
So, of course, like he always does, he gets all defensive and goes into full-out denial mode. "I wasn't saying that." Yes you were. I heard it. "I was talking about someone else." You said my name. Then when he couldn't deny his way out of it, he turns it around and uses his next typical defense: I'm the one in the wrong for pointing out his misbehaviour.
Voices got raised.
He asks me if he makes me uncomfortable, and I admit to him yes, when he's ranting about me like that it does make me uncomfortable. And that it can linger. Like how occasionally he'll rant that he wants someone to kill me ("No I didn't! You're crazy!"), or the time when he drew a picture of Freddy Kreuger killing me and left it on the couch ("I never drew that!" "That wasn't Freddy, it was another character!"), or just calling me unpleasant things in general ("I didn't do that! Maybe it was my sister!") Deny, deny, deny.
I even explained how I've been very patient with him and raised my voice at him maybe 4 times in the nearly 10 years I've known him.
I explained to him how, with my ADHD, I can't simply tune-out his endless ranting and noise making. His angry ranting actually gives me anxiety because I grew up in a house where my dad was angrily yelling every single day and night, and now that this kid's 19, not 9, he's got a loud, booming voice himself. Nearly every single day I have to hear him in the room next to mine angrily ranting about something or other. (The other day it was Sony, of all things.)
You see, one of his bigger problems is that he completely refuses to acknowledge how his behaviour can affect other people, even, or especially, when it's pointed out. It's always the other person's problem for not 100% accepting how he acts. He never takes ownership of his behaviour. It's like recently when he was talking to us really loudly in public, using bad words, and we asked him to quiet down, he said "So... you're scolding me, aren't you?", and acted like we were the bad guys.
And things always have to be about him. Last year when his aunt's fiancee proposed to her, and it was supposed to be a happy thing with the whole family, he throws a tantrum because he hates change and won't accept it, and then says in front of the whole family that he'll kill himself if his mom and I get married.
Way to suck the life out of everything.
People who were professionally trained to deal with kids like him have difficulty with him.
It's like, when he's at a program, and there's a group activity everyone else wants to do, and he doesn't want to do it, so he doesn't, they're "obviously" excluding him on purpose.
Anyway, when I was finally going out the door to go to work, he says to me in his overly condescending voice that he uses for everything, "You're just not ready to be a father."
Sorry for the rant, but he just has no idea how difficult he is to deal with, and I'm stressed to the limits. I'm seriously considering just walking out at this point. I'm seriously fucking depressed with my life right now, and this seems unsolvable.
I was getting ready for work, and he was in his room angrily ranting to himself about how much of an asshole I am. I've been very patient with this, listening to it a whole lot lately, and it kinda hurts and makes me feel uncomfortable.
So when I walk past his door, I say to him "If you have a problem with me, please say it to my face."
So, of course, like he always does, he gets all defensive and goes into full-out denial mode. "I wasn't saying that." Yes you were. I heard it. "I was talking about someone else." You said my name. Then when he couldn't deny his way out of it, he turns it around and uses his next typical defense: I'm the one in the wrong for pointing out his misbehaviour.
Voices got raised.
He asks me if he makes me uncomfortable, and I admit to him yes, when he's ranting about me like that it does make me uncomfortable. And that it can linger. Like how occasionally he'll rant that he wants someone to kill me ("No I didn't! You're crazy!"), or the time when he drew a picture of Freddy Kreuger killing me and left it on the couch ("I never drew that!" "That wasn't Freddy, it was another character!"), or just calling me unpleasant things in general ("I didn't do that! Maybe it was my sister!") Deny, deny, deny.
I even explained how I've been very patient with him and raised my voice at him maybe 4 times in the nearly 10 years I've known him.
I explained to him how, with my ADHD, I can't simply tune-out his endless ranting and noise making. His angry ranting actually gives me anxiety because I grew up in a house where my dad was angrily yelling every single day and night, and now that this kid's 19, not 9, he's got a loud, booming voice himself. Nearly every single day I have to hear him in the room next to mine angrily ranting about something or other. (The other day it was Sony, of all things.)
You see, one of his bigger problems is that he completely refuses to acknowledge how his behaviour can affect other people, even, or especially, when it's pointed out. It's always the other person's problem for not 100% accepting how he acts. He never takes ownership of his behaviour. It's like recently when he was talking to us really loudly in public, using bad words, and we asked him to quiet down, he said "So... you're scolding me, aren't you?", and acted like we were the bad guys.
And things always have to be about him. Last year when his aunt's fiancee proposed to her, and it was supposed to be a happy thing with the whole family, he throws a tantrum because he hates change and won't accept it, and then says in front of the whole family that he'll kill himself if his mom and I get married.
Way to suck the life out of everything.
People who were professionally trained to deal with kids like him have difficulty with him.
It's like, when he's at a program, and there's a group activity everyone else wants to do, and he doesn't want to do it, so he doesn't, they're "obviously" excluding him on purpose.
Anyway, when I was finally going out the door to go to work, he says to me in his overly condescending voice that he uses for everything, "You're just not ready to be a father."
Sorry for the rant, but he just has no idea how difficult he is to deal with, and I'm stressed to the limits. I'm seriously considering just walking out at this point. I'm seriously fucking depressed with my life right now, and this seems unsolvable.
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
This Winter has been pretty rough for me so far, I'm getting major panic attacks due to Asperger's related obsessions. I'm now having major social anxiety on top of the rest. I'm currently medicated and work 6 days a week to relax. I got a pet last year, it really helped with my OCD.
unknownstranger
Member
There's a lot more here than just autism that you need to get help for immediately. I went through something similar with my parents but never to that scale. I made threats to kill my parents online that then got relayed to them. I've had my dad say to my face multiple times that he'll kill me.
My second time inserted into a mental hospital was for threatening to kill someone online who I went to school with. Both times I was there, there was someone who sounds like your stepson. I didn't know why he was there the first time (he came back a second time about 2 days after my second time), but our (other patients) understanding why he came back was he was too destructive at home and his parents couldn't deal with him anymore. I shared a room with him for a little bit after feeling uncomfortable being with someone gay previously. He trashed the room one time (wasn't in it at that moment) as well as a few of my things. He was I think around 16. I think everyone there felt he wasn't fit for society and there was very little anyone could do by that point to fix him.
This will sound harsh but your stepson should spend most of his life heavily sheltered. I would start looking around for services to get him help for both his safety and yours.
What's the issue with winter that causes anxiety? And did you get a service pet or just a regular pet?
I'm 36. He's 19. (His mom is 38.)
(Yes, I got myself into a complicated and difficult relationship.)
He listens to his mom, but he's still her kid and he's treated as such. His dad is out of the picture 99% of the time.
He listens to his psychologist, who he sees every few months, but those are one-on-one sessions, so I doubt the doctor gets the whole story.
He's not been outwardly violent, exactly, aside from occasionally hitting himself or punching walls. But I'm worried it may escalate, and so are his aunt and grandparents.
But a lot of the time I'm generally uncomfortable around him, and so is his sister. He simply doesn't know how to present himself, and comes off as creepy. We know he can't help how he is, but that doesn't change the fact that it's uncomfortable.
He doesn't need to be heavily sheltered, he can get by in public, but there zero chance he'll be able to exist in a life where he has any sort of personal responsibility.
And we have been looking into post-school programs.
p_xavier
Authorized Fister
I have sensitive skin so stuck inside, which in turn adds to my social anxiety. A normal pet.
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