Seriously? You women, I swear...
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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
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Seriously? You women, I swear...
Seriously? Why would you go two dates with someone without showing any form of physical or verbal interest if you were actually interested?
You're bringing grap3's mindset/opinion into this?
We have one guy claiming this sort of thing is sexual assault, and one woman claiming she will ditch a guy if he doesn't make this move.
To be fair, in all my dates where we were actually interested in each other, kissing after the first or second date was just the natural thing to do.
Verbal interest? Sure, that always happens on a first date. But physical? Unless the girl I'm dating feels REALLY comfortable with me, I generally try to respect their personal space. I would think that would generally be the gentleman-ly thing to do.
So your comment was meaningless since the one you quoted included verbal interest.
No? She was responding to this post:
Clearly he was talking about physical contact.
Exploding8
Member
So just so I can be prepared, what kind of things should I expect to be offering for a third date? We had coffee for the first and are visiting an arboretum for a second, like I said. I'd kinda like to just chill for the third, maybe grabs drinks and watch a movie at one of our places. Should I be planning something bigger, or is that a natural way to take things?
Baited? What the hell are you talking about?
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
.
How so? My only point being that I've been on plenty of dates where it seems like things are going pretty well, the date's looking like she's enjoying herself, but immediately got uncomfortable if I tried to hold her hand or put my arm around her. My comment was simply about not being to know how they're going to react. Thought that was a pretty uncontroversial point.
Skullface
Member
I generally agree with your sentiment, but there is some fedora in your logic. It's always good to be respectful, but there are physical cues you can give that make you appear bold and aren't as overbearing as putting your arm around a date, or grabbing for your date's hand. To clarify, the fedora that I see in your logic is that it seems like it's a general rule of yours to be as gentlemanly as possible on your first date, when you should really just be yourself.
I hope I didn't come off as a jerk, that's not my intention. I just wanted to explain why I can understand others perceptions. I could just be reading you wrong. A text explanation is a poor representation of one's actions in practice.
Well if the fedora comment was implying that I wasn't really nice, but that I was faking being nice to get in a girl's pants, that's off base too. I always act like myself, it's just a matter of gauging the date, which doesn't always get the right reading.
So after basically friending a girl who was a stranger to me in real life/Facebook and drunkenly charming her into giving me her number immediately after she accepted my request last week, we went on a date.
It went really well. Like really fucking well. We went to a comedy show nearby that I've always wanted to check out. It was amateur night so we saw some bad acts and I was getting nervous that this was going to be her first impression of me, but then Adam Ferrara came on in a guest appearance with some new material and killed it. She loved it.
We went to a bar next door and talked until they closed at 1AM. At this point both of us were sold, so we kissed outside the bar before we started shivering. We decided to head to the local diner to finish the night. I didn't get home til about 3AM. It was both the longest and must fulfilling date I've ever been on.
With all of that said, I'm slightly nervous that the date might have gone too well. I'm worried that we're too into each other after just a week of conversation and one date. My previous relationships were filled with starry eyes and cutesy beginnings, only to be bookended within a few months due to burnout.
Firstly, there's nothing wrong with honesty so if you like someone or like the way they look, just bluntly tell them that and ask for their number. There's no system; it's honest observations and intentions.
Secondly, is it wrong of me to second guess how well my date went and how well we gel?
It went really well. Like really fucking well. We went to a comedy show nearby that I've always wanted to check out. It was amateur night so we saw some bad acts and I was getting nervous that this was going to be her first impression of me, but then Adam Ferrara came on in a guest appearance with some new material and killed it. She loved it.
We went to a bar next door and talked until they closed at 1AM. At this point both of us were sold, so we kissed outside the bar before we started shivering. We decided to head to the local diner to finish the night. I didn't get home til about 3AM. It was both the longest and must fulfilling date I've ever been on.
With all of that said, I'm slightly nervous that the date might have gone too well. I'm worried that we're too into each other after just a week of conversation and one date. My previous relationships were filled with starry eyes and cutesy beginnings, only to be bookended within a few months due to burnout.
Firstly, there's nothing wrong with honesty so if you like someone or like the way they look, just bluntly tell them that and ask for their number. There's no system; it's honest observations and intentions.
Secondly, is it wrong of me to second guess how well my date went and how well we gel?
Skullface
Member
I'm not the guy who made the comment initially, so I can't really speak to how he read your initial comment. The way that I interpret your post was that you try not to be a boorish ass on your first date. That's admirable, it shows tact. Alternatively, it could potentially be interpreted as being a being a euphoric white night trying to win the heart of young lass. I truthfully wouldn't worry about what other people think though. I'm sure you do just fine without anyone criticizing your approach, especially on GAF. Again, I wasn't being critical, just trying my hand at understanding the fedora perspective.
mullet2000
Member
The thing is, even though there are a large number of short relationships that fizzle out after a few months...you have no way of knowing whether this will be one of those or not. It could genuinely just be an awesome fit.
Keep seeing her and having a great time. Don't worry about what may or may not happen because you have no solid way of knowing that. Keep going on dates and see if you remain just as into each otherotitis keep getting more into each other); that's what dating is all about, really.
Skullface
Member
Fuck this. I hate this. Two out of my last three relationships ended this way. It was me who broke them off. My current girlfriend is somewhat distant at the moment and I'm afraid she's burnt out on me. We've only been dating for three months, so it's not the end of the world. If it's destined to end, I just wish she'd open up about it sooner rather than later. Especially since I go back to school next week and there will be plenty of new opportunity.
I know I didn't answer your question, but I just wanted to vent about that. My advice? Just take it as it comes. You'll never know if something will pan out. Just try and not get too emotionally attached too early.
Fair enough. Cheers.
GutsOfThor
Member
For a guy who bagged a 38 year old, has a ton of dating experience, and doled out advice about taking risks, you sure do like to over think the hell out of things. I know you don't want to blow it because it might be "the one" but take a chill pill and go with the flow. You're not meeting your future wife or girlfriend so get that out of your head. I wouldn't even look at it as a "date" so much as a meet up or hanging out with cool person since the word date is such a loaded term.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Stop trying to tell people that have had successful relationships and are giving advice that the advice is wrong based on what you think (and what obviously hasn't been working).
She's texted me saying she can't make it because she's got errands to run. This can be really tiring.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rY0WxgSXdEE
Ah, I see where things went wrong.
I actually wasn't trying to claim Arsenic was wrong. It was supposed to be more of a "geez, make your minds, women!" playful rib. I'll admit I probably didn't convey that as clearly as I could of.
Yeah. I should smoke more weed.
NeOak
Member
I've improved no?
Exploding8
Member
Arsenic Yellow
Member
Well just got done with the date. Was another awesome 20 hour date! About an hour before he asked if he could park my car at my place, but decided he would park near where we were meeting up instead and later drive back to my place, which didn't quite make sense but I went along with it (I figured he was attempting to spend the night, which certainly didn't bother me) We went to the Mapararium at the Church of Christ Scientists, pretty cool architecture, but the sound amplification within the orb was awesome. What he failed to mention was he had his meter running and the time had expired, so we spent the next 30-40 minutes attempting to find quarters.
Then went to a chocolate bar nearby. And drove back to my place for some tea and heavy talk about DMT and the american penal system (A guy after my own heart), n picked up some groceries to make dinner. We cooked together, which was awesome. We decided on the 1970s remake of invasion of the body snatchers. It may have been the beer, but we absolutely hated the film.
Anyways, after the movie, things started getting a little hot and heavy while listening to more BadBadNotGood (very sexy music by the way). We had a multiple album make out session (so maybe an hour and a half?) It was kind of amazing, very sensual, a lot of eye contact which made things super intense. Probably the most intense physical thing I've ever done that wasn't sex due to all the eye contact we shared. We were a little drunk and it got me turning sort of sappy. I told him it was so weirdly awesome we met, mentioning I had never gone home with a guy like that before and for this guy to have so much in common with me was awesome. He seemed to agree, but sort of shyly. As we were undressing and vvery much in just boxers and panties, I of course did the most awkward thing ever. I had to stop him and ask if he was dating anyone else, which he confusingly answered no. I stated I only asked as I can't have sex if we were dating multiple people and told him I wasnt dating anyone else. He said he was the same way and of course I apologized for even asking, but, if I remember correctly, he said something like he was glad. We continued making out but eventually it was clear he was getting really sleepy. So we went to bed.
We had a small breakfast, listened to Cosmogramma album and watched an episode of broad city. I asked him if it freaked him out that I asked him if he was dating other people, he told me not at all. So I guess things are going well (either that or I've totally freaked him out and he was being nice to spare my feelings). I also dont know if that means we've agreed to not date others...
I shouldve planned it all way better haha, I had intended not to ask him until the end of the month, but it's nice knowing he can't date multiple people even casually (I'm the same way).
Then went to a chocolate bar nearby. And drove back to my place for some tea and heavy talk about DMT and the american penal system (A guy after my own heart), n picked up some groceries to make dinner. We cooked together, which was awesome. We decided on the 1970s remake of invasion of the body snatchers. It may have been the beer, but we absolutely hated the film.
Anyways, after the movie, things started getting a little hot and heavy while listening to more BadBadNotGood (very sexy music by the way). We had a multiple album make out session (so maybe an hour and a half?) It was kind of amazing, very sensual, a lot of eye contact which made things super intense. Probably the most intense physical thing I've ever done that wasn't sex due to all the eye contact we shared. We were a little drunk and it got me turning sort of sappy. I told him it was so weirdly awesome we met, mentioning I had never gone home with a guy like that before and for this guy to have so much in common with me was awesome. He seemed to agree, but sort of shyly. As we were undressing and vvery much in just boxers and panties, I of course did the most awkward thing ever. I had to stop him and ask if he was dating anyone else, which he confusingly answered no. I stated I only asked as I can't have sex if we were dating multiple people and told him I wasnt dating anyone else. He said he was the same way and of course I apologized for even asking, but, if I remember correctly, he said something like he was glad. We continued making out but eventually it was clear he was getting really sleepy. So we went to bed.
We had a small breakfast, listened to Cosmogramma album and watched an episode of broad city. I asked him if it freaked him out that I asked him if he was dating other people, he told me not at all. So I guess things are going well (either that or I've totally freaked him out and he was being nice to spare my feelings). I also dont know if that means we've agreed to not date others...
I shouldve planned it all way better haha, I had intended not to ask him until the end of the month, but it's nice knowing he can't date multiple people even casually (I'm the same way).
Age and location? Living arrangements? Methods of meeting women you have been trying?
Funny story, the first time I actually used that song in relation to dating was when I found out this same girl was already dating someone else back when we first met and hit it off.I've never actually looked at this song in relation to dating. I like it
My girlfriend of two years (share apartment, both work) is heavily thinking about breaking up with me. We met as backpackers originally but moved in together six months later.
She has spent a semester abroad in her home country studying (where I visited for a week every two months) and things seemed fine. She had a outburst on Skype in December where she wasn't sure about us but anymore but she sucked it up quickly in the same conversation and still said she would still move back home to our apartment (which she did in the end of that month).
Reason is that she's feeling 'empty' inside and she feels things haven't been as good since our backpacking days. Still we have had great outings since that and we always have fun when we go out. We don't really fight, we don't have economical or family problems, sex about three times a week... on paper it seems fine. I'm guessing she simply doesn't feel loved or in-love anymore.
(ps. I know, girl studying abroad for a semester, it would seem self-explanatory why she 'suddenly' would have different feelings but I feel secure in my girl in this regard. She's brutally honest and would have told me if there was a third person. She said yesterday that she wish there was for simplicity.)
We talked last night where she said 'she's thinking about breaking up with me'. We talked, I talked more. We agreed that we would still live together for the next week while she thinks this through. We're 'ok' in being around each other, eating (tho no one has an appetite), watching a couple of movies, going for a walk. I have tried talking a bit more but she sais she needs more time before coming to a conclusion.
Edit: She just ordered us (+ family) a birthday dinner evening out a week from now which seems like a good sign.
On further thought I think a problem we have is that I'm usually too available, too accommodating. I've caught myself a couple of times in being too clingy. She hasn't said this but she has called me the 'the nicest guy ever' previously so I'm thinking I'm going in that trap too much. I work, I exercise regularly but besides that I'm a housecat.
She has spent a semester abroad in her home country studying (where I visited for a week every two months) and things seemed fine. She had a outburst on Skype in December where she wasn't sure about us but anymore but she sucked it up quickly in the same conversation and still said she would still move back home to our apartment (which she did in the end of that month).
Reason is that she's feeling 'empty' inside and she feels things haven't been as good since our backpacking days. Still we have had great outings since that and we always have fun when we go out. We don't really fight, we don't have economical or family problems, sex about three times a week... on paper it seems fine. I'm guessing she simply doesn't feel loved or in-love anymore.
(ps. I know, girl studying abroad for a semester, it would seem self-explanatory why she 'suddenly' would have different feelings but I feel secure in my girl in this regard. She's brutally honest and would have told me if there was a third person. She said yesterday that she wish there was for simplicity.)
We talked last night where she said 'she's thinking about breaking up with me'. We talked, I talked more. We agreed that we would still live together for the next week while she thinks this through. We're 'ok' in being around each other, eating (tho no one has an appetite), watching a couple of movies, going for a walk. I have tried talking a bit more but she sais she needs more time before coming to a conclusion.
Edit: She just ordered us (+ family) a birthday dinner evening out a week from now which seems like a good sign.
On further thought I think a problem we have is that I'm usually too available, too accommodating. I've caught myself a couple of times in being too clingy. She hasn't said this but she has called me the 'the nicest guy ever' previously so I'm thinking I'm going in that trap too much. I work, I exercise regularly but besides that I'm a housecat.
mullet2000
Member
Okayyy quick question Dating-Age:
So I made an OkCupid account last week, I had a break up in very early November and I finally started feeling willing to get out there again. It's actually going really well, I've been talking to a couple girls and have a few dates set up.
Okay, so: There's one girl (who I was the first I asked out) who I've actually grown less interested in since asking her out. I was a bit on the fence about her to begin with...she's legitimately very cool and fun to talk to, and we've got a lot in common, but I'm not sure the physical attraction is there, and there's a significant age difference (in my opinion); I'm 23 and she is 20. Note that I only say this is a big difference because people change a whole lot in their early 20s. If we were older this would not be a factor.
A few days ago are started talking to girl #2, who is 23 like me, is so ridiculously my type physically that it's almost comical, and has also been awesome to talk to. It's kind of retroactively made me less interested in girl #1. I'm suppose to go on a date with girl 1 this week, and girl 2 this coming weekend (girl 2 is in the middle of a giant work project that won't be done till Friday).
Should I even go on the date with girl #1, or just cut it off beforehand? I feel like for the sake of dating experience it would be good for me (this would be my first first date since I was 19, my last relationship was a very long one), but I don't want to play games with her because she's clearly quite in to me and I can feel my interest in her fading, though to be perfectly fair I haven't met her in person yet. Girl #2 is also quite in to me, but I'm just as into her so it's a lot more equal, I have noooo doubts that I want to meet up with her.
So I made an OkCupid account last week, I had a break up in very early November and I finally started feeling willing to get out there again. It's actually going really well, I've been talking to a couple girls and have a few dates set up.
Okay, so: There's one girl (who I was the first I asked out) who I've actually grown less interested in since asking her out. I was a bit on the fence about her to begin with...she's legitimately very cool and fun to talk to, and we've got a lot in common, but I'm not sure the physical attraction is there, and there's a significant age difference (in my opinion); I'm 23 and she is 20. Note that I only say this is a big difference because people change a whole lot in their early 20s. If we were older this would not be a factor.
A few days ago are started talking to girl #2, who is 23 like me, is so ridiculously my type physically that it's almost comical, and has also been awesome to talk to. It's kind of retroactively made me less interested in girl #1. I'm suppose to go on a date with girl 1 this week, and girl 2 this coming weekend (girl 2 is in the middle of a giant work project that won't be done till Friday).
Should I even go on the date with girl #1, or just cut it off beforehand? I feel like for the sake of dating experience it would be good for me (this would be my first first date since I was 19, my last relationship was a very long one), but I don't want to play games with her because she's clearly quite in to me and I can feel my interest in her fading, though to be perfectly fair I haven't met her in person yet. Girl #2 is also quite in to me, but I'm just as into her so it's a lot more equal, I have noooo doubts that I want to meet up with her.
beat
Member
How many new people have you met over the last, say, three months?
Gotdatmoney
Member
Hahahah , , , ahahahahaha. Come on son, 3 years is not even a moderate age difference. If you wanted to make the argument that people change a lot in their early 20s than sure but 3 years is litterally nothing. If you keep criteria that strict, you're gonna have trouble meeting people. Just keep that in mind.
mullet2000
Member
Oh, my argument is exactly that people change a lot in their early 20s.
If we were in our later 20s, or 30s, or something, you're right, 3 years is nothing. But I feel like 20 to 23 is a pretty big gap in terms of where you are in your life. I know I'm way different than I was at 20.
NeOak
Member
Oh boy, then I better not tell you about the 9 years difference with one and 7 years with another.
3 years is nothing >.>
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
I can see where he's coming from with that. I think the age gap when someone is 18-22 is a lot more of a deal than after that. People change in college so much that it feels like there's a huge gap between college and getting your first real job. After that it feels like age matters a lot less when interacting with each other. Or that has been the case for me.
it is nothing, but i agree with him. at the age you are still young and don't have a direction in life yet. you still want to be free and party, your head isn't on your shoulders yet. i think around 24-25 is when girls are past that stage and are looking for something long term and more serious.
Arsenic Yellow
Member
Well I decided to just flat out ask him if yesterday we agreed not to see other people as it was sort of vague. He confirmed it so I guess we're exclusive now? Seems a little quick but we've spent close to 70 hours together on date and I haven't been bored once.
CONGRATS!
Arsenic Yellow
Member
Thanks! It just means I can have sex without worry! Haha. I'm planning a pretty cool surprise valentines though.
Midnight viewing of the Fly at a local theater and maybe get my hands on some dmt
I could use some feedback here. Or maybe this is just venting. I dunno. But I need to say something to someone.
Girl and I have been out on four dates prior to this. Tonight was the fifth. She's a working single mom, so we can only meet on weekends. She broke up with her ex because he was cheating on her. I mention this because she admitted to having barriers up and some trust issues.
So, tonight's date. After dinner, we sat in her car for a bit. And we talked. Asked her if I could see her again next week, and she said "maybe. I'm still trying to figure out what I think about you." We then made out for 30 minutes.
What should I make of that? My current feeling is that she's working out whether she wants to move things to another level or break it off entirely. A "shit or get off the pot" moment.
Girl and I have been out on four dates prior to this. Tonight was the fifth. She's a working single mom, so we can only meet on weekends. She broke up with her ex because he was cheating on her. I mention this because she admitted to having barriers up and some trust issues.
So, tonight's date. After dinner, we sat in her car for a bit. And we talked. Asked her if I could see her again next week, and she said "maybe. I'm still trying to figure out what I think about you." We then made out for 30 minutes.
What should I make of that? My current feeling is that she's working out whether she wants to move things to another level or break it off entirely. A "shit or get off the pot" moment.
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
I haven't seen The Fly or used DMT, but I imagine watching The Fly on DMT is like having Cronenberg's envisionment of hell projected on your eyes. If that's the idea of a good time for both of you, I think you've pretty much found the perfect guy.
Arsenic Yellow
Member
Haha, I wouldnt watch it while using! I'd probably ask if he's free the whole weekend and have one night for the fly and the next for the dmt. Neither of us have taken it and we both happen to really want to.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
Almost certainly just fucking around/playing hard to get, seeing as how you've been on 5 dates, plus she's making out with you.
Arsenic Yellow
Member
She's probably emotionally guarded because of the cheating. How long ago was the break up?
2.5-3 years ago. He cheated on her while she was pregnant with his kid. I have no problem with the emotional guards...I just don't want her to break up with me because she fears I'm a bad guy. I'm not. But I don't really know how to show her that.
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