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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
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Just keep at it and you'll eventually hit gold. It took me a while but I remained confident and determined, and it finally paid off. A good profile picture is key, too.
Hmm, tough to say. One of the first dates I've had was with the hottest female I've ever dated and we made out all night. Unfortunately that was also the last time. Another one I went out with (recently) and we met up like 3 times, but nothing came out of it.
But I would presume that since this is your 5th date it's...good?
The Online Dating thread might be able to better help you out when it comes to having good pictures and how often girls reply. I'm sure you're not ugly. I'd check if there was room for improvement on my picture with stuff like where it's taken and what it depicts. I know Online Dating helps reviewing profiles. It might be there the problem lies?
Arsenic Yellow
Member
Wow that's pretty rough. She's definitely emotionally guarded then. Just keep being yourself! She just needs
To get to know you more and that takes time!
Flying Toaster
Member
That is a tough situation. Hardest part of being in a relationship after being cheated on is trust. It is easy to put the baggage from a relationship that involves cheating onto the next few relationships. There is no real great way around this other than to be open, communicate a lot and be patient. If you really like her then put the time in to help her get over this situation.
Best of luck.
Flying Toaster
Member
Sometimes we have to learn from our mistakes...
Haha it's nothing like that. We're stuck in an argument about something completely different and unrelated. But if there was any doubt about us not being cut out for each other, this has definitely squashed that.
should i give up on this one?
me:"you free any time this week? let's grab some coffee"
her:"when are you free?"
me:"saturday is good"
her:"i might be able to do saturday. i have to work but maybe after?"
me:"sure let me know when you're off"
she has my cell # and everything. haven't heard from her since.
me:"you free any time this week? let's grab some coffee"
her:"when are you free?"
me:"saturday is good"
her:"i might be able to do saturday. i have to work but maybe after?"
me:"sure let me know when you're off"
she has my cell # and everything. haven't heard from her since.
iAmMaximus
Member
I've been dating this girl for 3 months now and on Saturday she finally wanted to become mutually exclusive as she stopped seeing another guys. I haven't been in a serious relationship so I was wondering if anyone had any tips/advice to help sustain a long-term relationship.
1) When was this convo? If you're referring to this Saturday, that's a long ways away. You can follow-up in a few days just to confirm if they are still interested. You don't have much to lose.
2) I thought you were going to start working on yourself instead of pursuing women?
Communication is key. You two should be able to communicate your problems without fighting. The honeymoon phase doesn't last forever, and there's nothing wrong with getting comfortable with someone.
Christberg
Member
Don't sweat it. That's a few days away yet. Send her a follow up text around Wednesday or so and see if she's still down. If you don't get a response move on.
this was from last week, so this past saturday. it was before i said i was giving up women. thought i would at least ask though.
stn
Member
@bcl0328
Follow your instincts, man. Look at the obvious. If you told a girl to get back to you for a date on Saturday, and Saturday passed with no contact, what do you think you should do? I'm stating it in this way because things become much easier when you can figure out a girl's interest or lack thereof on your own.
Follow your instincts, man. Look at the obvious. If you told a girl to get back to you for a date on Saturday, and Saturday passed with no contact, what do you think you should do? I'm stating it in this way because things become much easier when you can figure out a girl's interest or lack thereof on your own.
stn
Member
Yeah, I hear you. Just remember that even being messaged first usually doesn't mean as much. Circumstances can change on a whim. Can't even tell you how many weird situations I've been in online dating. My only advice to you is to get rid of feeling like nothing else matters but getting a girl. Once you do that things will be much easier. Good luck!
This is one area where you're going wrong. Women can pick up on such negativity and will steer clear of anyone displaying such a negative attitude. I understand it's tough being rejected but you know what you do? You stand up, dust yourself off, straddle up, and power on to the next woman.
Illegitimi non carborundum.
NeOak
Member
Going by the problems you are having reading women, I dare say it was that you never noticed whoever was interested.
Flying Toaster
Member
NeOak is onto something... you need a good wingman. I never knew girls were interested in me without them spelling it out quite plainly and even then I had issues accepting that.
It was not until recently that I realized hanging out with my friends at bars that I am not a blight and that there are many people that have shown interest I am just to stupid and blind to realize it. My friends have to point this stuff out a lot.
stn
Member
Its not though, you just don't know it yet. Focus on your career and friends, go out and socialize. If you're doubtful about your looks, post a pic in this thread and I'll be more than happy to tell you what to change. You need to be a balanced and wholesome person before you can get women. Because the reality is that there is a lot of rejection and crap to go through in getting them. Mental fortitude is a prerequisite for success.
Thanks. I just hope she gives me the time. Since her breakup, she hasn't had any relationships longer than 6 weeks. I guess all I can do now is my best, and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
Flying Toaster
Member
I specifically have not dated someone that has been cheated on. But a very close friend and co-worker is currently in a relationship that echos a lot of what your in and when the two of them started dating it was rocky... emotional and a lot of people would not have put up with what he put up with.
7 years later these two people are in one of the most solid trusting relationships I have ever seen. It just took a very long time and a lot of patience to get there.
So hopefully this turns out good for you.
i can say with 100% confidence you're all right. i never ever know when someone's interested. not until i go back and read the signs or an old chat window that i'm like ohh shit. i'm trying to get better at it, sometimes it's hard to tell when they are flirty vs. being nice.
edit: well crap guys, this girl wants to get drinks on thursday. should i just go and see what happens? i wasn't planning on this happening.
Big Papa Husker
Member
Go!
NeOak
Member
I don't even know why you even write the question lol
That was actually incredibly reassuring. Thanks! I've got patience in spades, and I've told her "i think you're worth waiting for." If she's ready for it, we could make each other very happy.
Rescheduling means she likes you. Go.
Flying Toaster
Member
No this is a horrible idea...
Give me her number I will be your stand in.
Yes, go. Wow, I just don't even know what to say to this question.
What I mean to say is. Girl is interested, drinks are involved go forth and be social! What is the worst that can happen?
DarkChronic
Member
Okay. So the girl I've been dating for about 3 months has completely withdrawn after an insanely stressful 2-week course.
I saw her Tuesday for a date, and everything was fine. She explained to me how stressful the class was, that there was a big presentation on Friday, and not to be offended if she didn't reach out much. Okay.
I didn't hear from her at all on Thurs, Friday, or all day Saturday. Eventually she texted me Sat night, saying, "Sorry for being out of touch, it was a hell of week, but I need this long weekend to regroup. I need solitude right now."
Normally I take this as a bad sign, that she wants out. But it just wouldn't make sense - she was absolutely FINE on Tuesday, just a few days before she texted me that. She initiated hand holding, put my head on my shoulder, that sort of thing.
She has not been on social media for a week, which is VERY unusual for her. I have never seen her off Twitter for this long since I met her. No tweets, retweets, favorites, anything. So I guess it shows she's not just ignoring me, but being completely withdrawn from EVERYONE.
I haven't heard/texted since that Saturday night. How worried should I be? I don't plan on texting her, since I want to give her that solitude that she asked for. Is it a good sign that she's not on any social media either? Do some people (she is fairly introverted) really just need a few days alone time to regroup?
edit: we are NOT exclusive, so there is no point in hiding the fact that she is seeing/interesting in another guy.
I saw her Tuesday for a date, and everything was fine. She explained to me how stressful the class was, that there was a big presentation on Friday, and not to be offended if she didn't reach out much. Okay.
I didn't hear from her at all on Thurs, Friday, or all day Saturday. Eventually she texted me Sat night, saying, "Sorry for being out of touch, it was a hell of week, but I need this long weekend to regroup. I need solitude right now."
Normally I take this as a bad sign, that she wants out. But it just wouldn't make sense - she was absolutely FINE on Tuesday, just a few days before she texted me that. She initiated hand holding, put my head on my shoulder, that sort of thing.
She has not been on social media for a week, which is VERY unusual for her. I have never seen her off Twitter for this long since I met her. No tweets, retweets, favorites, anything. So I guess it shows she's not just ignoring me, but being completely withdrawn from EVERYONE.
I haven't heard/texted since that Saturday night. How worried should I be? I don't plan on texting her, since I want to give her that solitude that she asked for. Is it a good sign that she's not on any social media either? Do some people (she is fairly introverted) really just need a few days alone time to regroup?
edit: we are NOT exclusive, so there is no point in hiding the fact that she is seeing/interesting in another guy.
Was it a group presentation? Speaking as an introvert, if I spent 4+ days working with people on a group project, I would need a few days of pure silence to recoup. That she's also off social networks is likely a good sign - she's trying to create time that's uniquely hers.
Flying Toaster
Member
I have had some epic big projects in my work career and I just shut down for a week after they were done. Friends, Family, they all thought I died... sometimes it just takes it all out of you. If she is not posting on social media then I would safely assume she is just taking a break from everything to catch a breath.
Flying Toaster
Member
Flying Toaster
Member
i'm definitely going. i keep swearing off women and i just keep getting sucked back in.
Good luck.
DarkChronic
Member
Yes, group project. She specifically told me on Tuesday how she doesn't like the people in the group, as well.
Good to know. Thanks you guys. Definitely a little reassuring. I haven't texted her at all, so I just want to give her space and solitude like she asked.
stn
Member
Absolutely go! Even though I recommended you stay away from women for a bit, what I was really saying was you should see women as long as your head is straight. If you can treat this girl as someone to have fun with and not someone to get over loneliness with, then you're fine to play the game. You're not supposed to swear off women, you're supposed to swear off your dependence on them towards caring about yourself.
Arsenic Yellow
Member
So, update to this. Texted the girl tonight, her replies were more terse than usual. She decided to bow out of the relationship, as it "wasn't the right relationship for her right now". Based on how previous relationships of hers went, I'm guessing she doesn't know what kind of relationship she does want.
Probably for the best. While I would've worked with her through the trust issues, there's no denying they ran deep. I told her before our first date I took a vacation to Las Vegas. Last night she asked if I went there to procure a hooker. Yeah.
wow...
Flying Toaster
Member
I am sorry. Just let her know you were willing to try and leave it at that.
There is a Vegas GAF meet up in the works you should go.
Apparently it was suspicious that I flew down alone. Just finished up a project at work, needed a break from family-life, needed some pure escapism. I don't know if she understood that or if I was just paying for her Ex's sins.
Oh, she knew I was willing to work with her.
Much as I'd like to return to Vegas, stuck in Pittsburgh for now.
Hey Dating-GAF, long time no see!
So for the first time in...years, literally, I have a girl in sight, a coworker (don't worry, it's just a retail job that I'll be leaving within 6 months to a year with no possibility of keeping it beyond that, and if it came to that a transfer would be incredibly easy). She's actually been giving signs of interests since a few weeks before the holidays and has been starting text conversations with me often, which last week escalated to basically texting on a daily basis, for at least a few hours on a given day (by now, I'd say 70% initiated by her, 30% by me). She also tried, once last week, to meet at school but I was at work at the time so I couldn't make it. In person, she seems pretty flirty and fun, no problem there. I've been pretty convinced that she's into me for a while now.
Yesterday I told her she should come along to an activity I went to with some friends; she refused (no big deal, she did say she was behind on her studies previously) and kept initiating texts throughout the day. Today, however, she's been silent for the first time in over a week. I tried initiating, she still replied quickly but I sensed her tone somewhat more distant than usual, making it hard to keep going longer than a few messages.
So from here, I'm not sure how I should respond. I know I screwed up, but I'm not sure if I should try to set up an actual one-on-one date (which could be the answer if she thinks I'm not direct enough, but could also make me look desperate or needy), or if I should lay back and give her space and try again in a while. Or could the ship have sailed for good? As it happens, our work schedules were completely different last week and this week; I won't be seeing her at work until next Tuesday.
Any cool insight from Dating-GAF? Thanks!
So for the first time in...years, literally, I have a girl in sight, a coworker (don't worry, it's just a retail job that I'll be leaving within 6 months to a year with no possibility of keeping it beyond that, and if it came to that a transfer would be incredibly easy). She's actually been giving signs of interests since a few weeks before the holidays and has been starting text conversations with me often, which last week escalated to basically texting on a daily basis, for at least a few hours on a given day (by now, I'd say 70% initiated by her, 30% by me). She also tried, once last week, to meet at school but I was at work at the time so I couldn't make it. In person, she seems pretty flirty and fun, no problem there. I've been pretty convinced that she's into me for a while now.
Yesterday I told her she should come along to an activity I went to with some friends; she refused (no big deal, she did say she was behind on her studies previously) and kept initiating texts throughout the day. Today, however, she's been silent for the first time in over a week. I tried initiating, she still replied quickly but I sensed her tone somewhat more distant than usual, making it hard to keep going longer than a few messages.
So from here, I'm not sure how I should respond. I know I screwed up, but I'm not sure if I should try to set up an actual one-on-one date (which could be the answer if she thinks I'm not direct enough, but could also make me look desperate or needy), or if I should lay back and give her space and try again in a while. Or could the ship have sailed for good? As it happens, our work schedules were completely different last week and this week; I won't be seeing her at work until next Tuesday.
Any cool insight from Dating-GAF? Thanks!
i would try a one on one date and see what she says. if she does like you then she will probably agree. i would feel weird going with someone's friends i never met before.
Try and relax. You didn't screw up. Asking her out is not screwing up. There can be a huge list of reasons why you felt she was somewhat distant when you last texted. You can give it a bit and see if the situation normalizes. Otherwise, asking her out on a date is probably a good thing. At this point she knows if she'd like to, or not.
Exploding8
Member
First, try to simmer down. Don't start associating grand dreams or expectations to her. She's a friend that you're interested in and nothing more; if you ask her out and she says no, the absolute worst that could happen is that she'll become more distant. Which sucks, but trust me, the alternative is far, far worse and involves months if not years of living with this vague uncertainty of what could have been, whether you should have asked. Besides, like you said, you'll only work with her for another few months anyway. You'll probably stop being friends after that either way, so you've got nothing to lose. Do your best to let go of any extra emotional bond that you've built up in your mind over her (that don't pertain to reality).
Second, just chill until the next time you see her. Don't rush to ask her out. See how she acts next time you see her, and try to casually ask her out when you do. It'll probably seem more natural than asking her out right as she's become more distant over a text. If you cant wait until next Tuesday, it might work better if you call her, or if you start texting like you were before.
Third, realize she might just see you as a friend. Over the past two years I've fallen for two friends who just happen to be really flirty. Things never worked out with either of them. But then I never straight up asked them out, so I'll never know if things could've been different
. So whether you decide to wait until next you meet or not, the most important thing you have to do is ask her out. Don't waste any more time than you have to wondering. Also you didn't screw up. You invited a friend at work to hang out and they declined. That's it; don't overthink it just because you're into her.
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