Getting Free Of Self-Importance Is The Key To Happiness: Polly Young-Eisendrath at TEDxMiddlebury;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgBs_W5CFnw
I liked this talk, and was surprised to see negative Youtube comments.
This 17 minute talk is about a psychotherapist / Buddhists attempt to bridge the gap between Buddhism and western psychological understandings of being happy.
She talks a lot about things we've heard before from many sources - Our self-consciousness and our self-obsession, is removing us from what really matters. We are only fixated on ourselves, and others we compare ourselves too.
She says that this reliance, is a catalyst for jealousy, envy, shame and guilt. Instead of feeling flow/in the moment/in the zone, we're occupied by our constant reassurances, anxiety over our worth our judgments from others, and this is the reason why we don't like ourselves as much as we should.
It's the classic, don't look at yourself in the mirror, look at the frame.
I think she has a great point. I don't know how else to explain it when I see people who are not attractive/rich/lucky in life/impressive careers. < Our path towards self improvement suggets that this is not possible.
"If I whip myself enough, I will be finally good enough, and then I will be happy" < She says it's not true. Even if you succeed and become grand, you will still feel shame, guilt and a sense of inadequacy. By appreciating the world, and acknowledging that a lot of the choices you made, where really out of your hand.
The philosopher, Alain De Bottom, said that in medieval times, it was unlikely that people would suffer from depression, have existential crisis and such, simply because people where not as hard on themselves as we are.
If we get fat, if we do something bad that leads us down a wrong path in life, we instantly blame ourselves. We know it is our undoing. But back in the middle ages, everything was a consequence of god. If your spouse died, if your crops failed, if the king ordered new taxes. Everything was a part of gods plan and he moved in mysterious ways.
You wouldn't feel inadequate or have a mid-´life crisis over being a farmer. You wouldn't have been a squire going "what am I doing with my life?". No. Your position in life was issued by god, and people who moved to a different post, was like people who won the lottery. not even your accomplishments where yours. You where blessed by help from god, or your praying at the church and your pious ways was made you get what you have.
This removal or reflective blame, supports this TedX' talks view, that we take too much responsibility. Yes, we have to be responsible, but many of the choices we make, our over ability to handle, process and deal with these problems, eventually tie back into patterns, habits and situations that where out of our control, wisdom.
I think the key here is, we need to better at cutting ourselves some slack. Without sounding like a hippie, not beating ourselves with a stick called the past, is a way of better accepting the situation we're in.
We shouldn't be deflective or careless, but we shouldn't put ourselves down. It's human arrogance to think we're in control. If Yellowstone blows tomorrow, half of the worlds population would die as a consequence. It's out of human beings control. Yet, we think we can control nature, and we think we can control the way other people feel about us.
If I learn this language, or p90x long enough, girls will like me. If I get this degree or have this resume, people will respect me. If I get my 401k I will be safe.
The truth is that all those things are lies. Because there are millions of people who have those things and they are just as miserable as people are who doesn't have them. The thing doesn't change, the situation doesn't change, it's only how you feel about it that changes.
You should workout. You should treat your body well. There is no shame of wanting to look good and feel good. But aren't we tricking ourselves, if we get caught up in the good enough, good enough, good enough echelon? It's a carrot-on-a-stick. A never ending passage way that never leads to satisfaction, because there are always people who it better who will make you question yourself.
This inferiority, or self-awareness is counter-intuitive to being right here. We're working out for the wrong reason. we think the reward is getting the great body, so we receive love, but we don't understand that what really makes us attractive is us loving our own self.
That comes from doing things you like. But if you dont like working out and you're grinding chasing a future that won't leave yous satisfied, what the fuck is that?
I have a friend who looks like a hollywood hero. He is one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. You would look at him and think that he could get any woman. And he is a nice guy. But is lack of self-worth, his lack of self love, his lack of feeling great about himself, even with his muscles, bodyfat, height and genes, make him so disconnected that people can't seem to get close to him. Nobody wants to confine with him, nobody can really fall for him, because nobody can really see who he is.
We're talking about a self-disciplined person who in a superficial context is a winner, and through self-judgment and discipline have made himself the apex of what everyone should dream out, but he is probably one of the most unhappy individuals I know.
We see this in rich and otherwise lucky individuals too. People who had it all, all the options, the financial stability, loving family, the great opportunities, went to the best of schools, had the best networks, best teachers, and they are miserable all their lives, unable to appreciate it.
Knowing you had it all, or you have it all, and have not gotten more out of your self, as a result of self-consciousness, can be a major pain of suffering. I think that is what the video tries to imply.
