Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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Didnt you already pass your a+ exams? Keep studying it and apply for jobs

Those things are meaningless as are the two degrees I have and other knowledge I've amassed.

What I've learnt is that the relationships we build between each other are what matters, and at 28 (nearly 29) I'm absolutely terrible at it. I experience a near constant downbeat mood which can manifest from time to time in terrible bouts of depression - all of which I suspect to be the result of the head injuries I sustained when I was young.

To know that you could very well not achieve any of the things you wanted to while also knowing that it is extremely likely that you could remain alone as you grow old and feeble. Well, let's put it this way... I'll last until just after my mother dies.
 
My best friend from grade school contacted me after reading my post on Facebook, which I've since deleted. He actually contacted me that night, but I didn't feel up to going out and needed to help family, but he did so again and invited me up to his parents' to talk to he and his brother.

I'm glad that I went, after asking if tonight was okay. It was a really good night, and the talk helped a lot. It wasn't overbearing, was very supportive and full of understanding. What they said was from experience with themselves and family members (my friend, for instance, has been a hypochondriac and carries a thermometer with him to check his temperature with) so it was informed.

I feel a lot better, and hope that it'll last for a while.

He lives nearby, but I don't see him often. He's in love.
 
Update; just starting 3rd week of waning off Cipralex/Lexapro. Been doing it in 5mg increments every two weeks and it's been going well - the brain zaps that had been bothering me the first week and a half have subsided. Currently back at 10mg (my original prescription) and looking to book an appointment with my doc in the next week to see about assessing the options at hand.
 
Started Sertraline today. I hope this has some effect. I've been feeling so bored, empty and lethargic recently. It's even affecting my sleep patterns to the point where I struggle to do anything in the evenings because I'm simply too tired to. Not a huge problem right now but next month when I actually have stuff I want to do in the evenings again...
If you've never had any antidepressants, some restlessness and other side effects will be most prevalent the first week.

Update; just starting 3rd week of waning off Cipralex/Lexapro. Been doing it in 5mg increments every two weeks and it's been going well - the brain zaps that had been bothering me the first week and a half have subsided. Currently back at 10mg (my original prescription) and looking to book an appointment with my doc in the next week to see about assessing the options at hand.
Yay! It's always hard coming off of medication. Brain zaps are so unnerving.

Trigger warning.
When I OD on many medications, I had very bad body shakes and brain zap that didn't let me sleep for days. I do not recommend this route whatsoever. It was really one of the toughest things I've been through.
 
Yay! It's always hard coming off of medication. Brain zaps are so unnerving.

Trigger warning.
When I OD on many medications, I had very bad body shakes and brain zap that didn't let me sleep for days. I do not recommend this route whatsoever. It was really one of the toughest things I've been through.

I consider myself fortunate, after reading online a lot of experiences of coming off Cipralex I was fearing the worst (seems unanimously to be one of the most unpleasant SSRI withdrawals). Glad I've been taking my time though, minor discomforts aside it's been smooth sailing.
 
It depends on the person, which is why I don't also recommend going online to find out about the side effects without talking to the prescribing doctor. It seems like the loudest voices are always the ones with hellish experiences and the nocebo effect can be a factor.
 
It depends on the person, which is why I don't also recommend going online to find out about the side effects without talking to the prescribing doctor. It seems like the loudest voices are always the ones with hellish experiences and the nocebo effect can be a factor.

My doctor actually said the same thing - "nobody logs online to scream at the world that nothing is shitty and everything is great with their medication/health" haha. Looking forward to getting it sorted, I'm not planning on waning off the medication completely without seeing him first.
 
The past half week or so has been miserable. It's like I've never been on medication at all. I don't know what happened.
 
The past half week or so has been miserable. It's like I've never been on medication at all. I don't know what happened.

Did a bad string of thoughts come up that brought you down? Or some physical issues like sleep/eating problems? I've had some extremely low points that come up when I start thinking about an ex and it just spirals down and gets very hard to break.

That sucks man
 
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The acquaintance and phone call comics are especially true for me.
 
Still "Afraid" of doing assignments, just thinking about it haunts me. Anything proof based especially my stats class haunts me. Just gotta freakin do it. Also need to do the practice problems instead of remaking lecture notes. Still "Afraid" of doing practice problems, end up remaking lecture notes. Just gotta do it.
 
Still "Afraid" of doing assignments, just thinking about it haunts me. Anything proof based especially my stats class haunts me. Just gotta freakin do it. Also need to do the practice problems instead of remaking lecture notes. Still "Afraid" of doing practice problems, end up remaking lecture notes. Just gotta do it.

"If you don't try you can't fail" kind of attitude? I know the feeling, not feeling like I could do an assignment and then just never doing it, which was even worse.
 
I hardly complain in this thread but the last week has sucked. My depression and anxiety kicked in to high gear. I can't get meds until I see my new therapist which isn't until February 7th. My primary care Dr won't even put me on a mild anti depressant until I see the therapist. What in the hell do they want me to do until then? I can't do the normal things to help depression because I'm stuck in bed with my disability. I can't believe I have to wait for 2 weeks while I can't eat, sleep or do much of anything but my depression and anxiety will grow until I can see the new therapist.
Ugh. Sorry for complaining. It's frustrating when you see and know what the problem is but you have to wait because the awesome health care in the US.
 
I hardly complain in this thread but the last week has sucked. My depression and anxiety kicked in to high gear. I can't get meds until I see my new therapist which isn't until February 7th. My primary care Dr won't even put me on a mild anti depressant until I see the therapist. What in the hell do they want me to do until then? I can't do the normal things to help depression because I'm stuck in bed with my disability. I can't believe I have to wait for 2 weeks while I can't eat, sleep or do much of anything but my depression and anxiety will grow until I can see the new therapist.
Ugh. Sorry for complaining. It's frustrating when you see and know what the problem is but you have to wait because the awesome health care in the US.

Do you have any close friends whom you could ask to check in with you every day or perhaps even several times a day? Or whose permission you could seek to call at any hour if things get really bad?

Sometimes just the knowledge that you HAVE support makes you less likely to actually need it. I had an out-of-town friend check in with me a couple of times over a weekend when my friends were out of town and I was scared I'd succumb to panicking all alone, with noone to talk to. I ended up not really needing her, but just explaining the situation so that she knew what was going on and knowing she wouldn't be shocked if I ended up calling her in the middle of the night helped.
 
Did a bad string of thoughts come up that brought you down? Or some physical issues like sleep/eating problems? I've had some extremely low points that come up when I start thinking about an ex and it just spirals down and gets very hard to break.

That sucks man

Sort of. Last Friday I went to work groggier than I usually am, and had an experience that reminded me that I'm not very well liked by new people. I've been in the department longer than anyone else aside from supervisors and yet, as is always the case with a new employee in the department, she is trained by and sits with everyone but me. It's happened too many times to be a coincidence and I know that my supervisors are intentionally not having her sit with me for training and people are discouraging her from doing so because I'm "really quiet" and "awkward", etc. Same old story. Before I know it it's a snowball effect of negative thoughts and feeling hopeless about my future and telling myself that realistically nothing fundamental in my life will ever really get better. And I've felt shitty since.


Also, my cousin is getting married shortly and I'm pretty sure I (and my family) will be invited to the wedding. We're the same age and used to be friends when we were kids. I haven't spoken to him in a very long time and while he spent his 20s becoming a chef, having really interesting jobs, traveling the world, opening (mostly failed) restaurants in Shanghai and meeting his wife, my life's been a dull piece of shit. There's little I hate more than getting together with relatives I haven't seen in ages and having to duck and weave questions about my life that I only have embarrassing and shameful answers to. "So how was college? I bet you partied a lot? Did you have any girlfriends? Do you have a girlfriend now? When are you getting married? What do you do for a living? Do you have anything interesting to say about the past 15 years of your life at all?"

Also last night I had an experience at a store that reminded me that I'm just a bumbling unassertive push-over fucking moron and it's never going to change. I hate myself.
 
Do you have any close friends whom you could ask to check in with you every day or perhaps even several times a day? Or whose permission you could seek to call at any hour if things get really bad?

Sometimes just the knowledge that you HAVE support makes you less likely to actually need it. I had an out-of-town friend check in with me a couple of times over a weekend when my friends were out of town and I was scared I'd succumb to panicking all alone, with noone to talk to. I ended up not really needing her, but just explaining the situation so that she knew what was going on and knowing she wouldn't be shocked if I ended up calling her in the middle of the night helped.

I wish I had friends. Each year I became more disabled, more friends left. Once I became stuck in bed they all disappeared. That's one of the reasons I joined Gaf. I knew I needed a outlet for socializing. It's just frustrating when you know what the fix is but have to wait because of the medical system. I'm not having harmful thoughts, just depression and anxiety. I think the anxiety is harder to deal with because it fills you with this weird energy but I'm stuck in bed and can't release that anxiety/energy feeling. Thank you for listening, I really appreciate it.
 
My best friend from grade school contacted me after reading my post on Facebook, which I've since deleted. He actually contacted me that night, but I didn't feel up to going out and needed to help family, but he did so again and invited me up to his parents' to talk to he and his brother.

I'm glad that I went, after asking if tonight was okay. It was a really good night, and the talk helped a lot. It wasn't overbearing, was very supportive and full of understanding. What they said was from experience with themselves and family members (my friend, for instance, has been a hypochondriac and carries a thermometer with him to check his temperature with) so it was informed.

I feel a lot better, and hope that it'll last for a while.

He lives nearby, but I don't see him often. He's in love.

That is fantastic Chewie. It sounds like you had a good time and some of the stress came off. I'm happy for you bro. Are you going to make plans to hang out again? Even though he is busy maybe you can get together monthly or something.
 
"If you don't try you can't fail" kind of attitude? I know the feeling, not feeling like I could do an assignment and then just never doing it, which was even worse.

And the idea that if you had did practiced and went to office hours instead of remaking notes you already knew in your head and all you had to do was review but no, writing notes is a must for me. I keep doing it because if there's a textbook or and readings, I must make notes for them or else I feel that im missing something but in reality practicing will help me out in the long run instead of making a ton of notes. Although there is benefit to making notes, I usually copy everything from the textbook onto paper. Even reading before making notes I stlll feel that every little thing must be taken down as how I read and write is very intricate. Im tied between making notes and practicing; if i dont make notes, I couldn't possibly practice right? If I just jump straight to the practice problems, then how do I know what to do? I might just end up re learning the material which makes me want to take notes! Or maybe doing both will solve this... however I underestimate the amount of time of making notes.

Good thing I only have 3 classes right now but redoing 2 of them since I failed them last semester and the third which seems horrifying because its a math analysis course might make want to drop all of them in the worst case. Who knows. I just got to keep going. I got friends who did these courses before I just dont want to be a burden. Although I feel that getting it done and early will make me feel less like a free loader.
 
I hardly complain in this thread but the last week has sucked. My depression and anxiety kicked in to high gear. I can't get meds until I see my new therapist which isn't until February 7th. My primary care Dr won't even put me on a mild anti depressant until I see the therapist. What in the hell do they want me to do until then? I can't do the normal things to help depression because I'm stuck in bed with my disability. I can't believe I have to wait for 2 weeks while I can't eat, sleep or do much of anything but my depression and anxiety will grow until I can see the new therapist.
Ugh. Sorry for complaining. It's frustrating when you see and know what the problem is but you have to wait because the awesome health care in the US.

Sorry to hear about that. That must be really frustrating, and doesn't help much at all. Hopefully they'll find a way to speed up the process, because they'd possibly help.

Good luck with getting them soon.

That is fantastic Chewie. It sounds like you had a good time and some of the stress came off. I'm happy for you bro. Are you going to make plans to hang out again? Even though he is busy maybe you can get together monthly or something.

Yeah, it was a good night. He's going to come over on Thursday to see my family.
 
I wish I had friends. Each year I became more disabled, more friends left. Once I became stuck in bed they all disappeared. That's one of the reasons I joined Gaf. I knew I needed a outlet for socializing. It's just frustrating when you know what the fix is but have to wait because of the medical system. I'm not having harmful thoughts, just depression and anxiety. I think the anxiety is harder to deal with because it fills you with this weird energy but I'm stuck in bed and can't release that anxiety/energy feeling. Thank you for listening, I really appreciate it.

Anxiety can be quite unsettling. I'm sorry that you don't have a great outlet for it :(. You're right, having to stay in bed would make the whole situation quite challenging.

Stay as well as possible. By hook or by crook these next few weeks will pass by just as the past few have. Is there anything I or other GAFfers can do to help?
 
If you've never had any antidepressants, some restlessness and other side effects will be most prevalent the first week.
Nah, these are the third antidepressants I've tried. Side effects so far seem to be mostly limited to nausea and stomach upset, but I had nausea with the other two antidepressants I've tried too.
 
Also last night I had an experience at a store that reminded me that I'm just a bumbling unassertive push-over fucking moron and it's never going to change. I hate myself.

I'm not qualified or experienced enough to give advice, and really I probably shouldn't. However, I know what you mean, not just these sentences i've quoted but the whole post. It's all about perspective, you feel this way because you feel like you've got to reach someone else's expectation of you, which you feel you fall short. This is what is tripping you up, it's not that you are not self-assertive as a person, but you act that way because you feel like your expected to, in a way. I know this is easier said than done, but the weight you put on those expectations others put upon you are a real mental block. Or at least that is what I've come to discover these last few months. Self-awareness, be only concerned about yourself, and not other's feelings about you, confrontations and stuff will become much more manageable after that.

Well, I've managed to have a few arguments in work and complete sentences without stuttering like a bumbling idiot and hold my own by keeping this self-awareness about myself. I didn't realise that change until after things had calmed down, but normally I would seize up in situations like that in work.

Anyway good luck.
 
Anxiety can be quite unsettling. I'm sorry that you don't have a great outlet for it :(. You're right, having to stay in bed would make the whole situation quite challenging.

Stay as well as possible. By hook or by crook these next few weeks will pass by just as the past few have. Is there anything I or other GAFfers can do to help?

Just listening is a big help and I really appreciate it. I did some deep breathing exercises from YouTube. I also soaked in the shower for 45 minute's. That seemed to help a little. I was able to get 2 hours sleep. I'll keep trying that. I actually feel silly complaining.
Thank you Chewie for the well wishes and have a great time with your friend. Thank you again everyone for listening. This thread makes me feel not alone and welcome.
 
I've gotten into the habit of being more active about showing interest and smiling. I assume that most people do these passively because they're just friendly people, and I am a friendly person, but being depressed kinda sucks the fun out of everything and you can't tell what you legitimately like anymore, so it's a bit more difficult to connect with people. I'm hoping that by putting in active effort I can override that feeling and get myself back on track, which is going well so far. I work in retail so it's a great practice zone for this kind of thing. Odds are none of the customers will remember me or even consider me a person there so there's no pressure in feeling awkward, and my coworkers are okay with chatting since it helps the time pass.

So that's one problem. The other is that I escaped the friendzone but it keeps trying to pull me back. I take up so much space in my brain fighting myself on these issues that I put off everything else that I need to do, like my school work. It's beginning to be a problem.
 
I just want time to stop, just to relax for a bit. Every second im trying to get work done. But when I get stuck, ugh. Hate this feeling of being stuck. Still hesitant to asking friends. Time for a nap.
 
I'm an alcoholic, that's just the truth. I've been through this cycle 2 times already, hospital, psychologists, and right back to here. After spending all that money, both psychologists basically were trying to get me to go to church. That's the south for ya. So was the hospital, actually. that (literal) shot in my arm was the only thing that relieved the pressure.

I don't know, I went to the doctor, it didn't help. I don't want to go the hospital again, I haven't even paid for last time. I'm a couple grand deep to those guys.

So what go to alcoholics anonymous? I know their game, it's just another jesus thing. I need a kind of help that i'm realistically never gonna get. thanks for your time.
 
I'm an alcoholic, that's just the truth. I've been through this cycle 2 times already, hospital, psychologists, and right back to here. After spending all that money, both psychologists basically were trying to get me to go to church. That's the south for ya. So was the hospital, actually. that (literal) shot in my arm was the only thing that relieved the pressure.

I don't know, I went to the doctor, it didn't help. I don't want to go the hospital again, I haven't even paid for last time. I'm a couple grand deep to those guys.

So what go to alcoholics anonymous? I know their game, it's just another jesus thing. I need a kind of help that i'm realistically never gonna get. thanks for your time.

It's difficult to advise for something like Alcoholism. Are you sure you want to dismiss the 12-step program?
Or have you considered getting admitted to a detox clinic? I hear those are expensives, but if this is about your health, or almost life and death.


I cannot advise for alternative treatments and medicines. I've only heard that Ibogaine is supposed to have helped many alcoholics. I am not sure if it is at all bogus. Go to africa and eat some crazy fruit that animals trip their balls off? I've been told, its effects are similar to how they ran their succesful LSD experiments in treatment of alcoholism in the 50s and 60s. But as I said, this is something you need to talk to a health professional about.

It's extremely serious. My uncle drank himself to death, and my father has been an alcoholic for more than 30 years. Take care of yourself. Even if you don't think it, you have a lot more power than your brain tells you.
I know its easy to say, but trust me. If I've learned anything about addictions, it is that you need to found a different outlet. A refugee from the constant thoughts of relapse.

The hardest step is getting off it. Getting it out of the system. Then there is the withdrawls which are shorter but more intense in pain. The long slow burning death that follows is the worst. It's not anywhere near as intense as cold turkey or relapse phases, but it stings and kills slowly.

And the real enemy? The real enemy is even what lies behind the alcohol. The demon or thing that gave way for the addiction in the first place.

But if you can find that thing. That other thing to focus all your heart, mind, soul and meaning into, it can give you tremendous strength to ignore the calling, for your inevitable self sabotage and destruction.
Self-discipline comes when you say no, won't give in. But truly defeating it, is when you truly don't want it anymore. When you have found something else you much rather want, and you truly know you can do it. Then there is no question that you can beat it, because you will, because there is no question.
When we quit our addictions cold turkey, we don't have any other place to put it on. Sometimes people get into worse habits. Drug addicts and alcoholics go to sleeping pills, or vice versa. Some start cutting themselves, others start smoking, some start over eating, others get addicted to gambling or porn or what have you.
We're capable of doing incredible things with our desires and free will. It's about find an outlet that gives you immense satisfaction which is not bad for you.


Lots of things in the world are impossible. But beating alcoholism isn't one of them. That's the truth.
 
Just got back from my first appointment with a consultant psychologist. I've finally got a diagnosis after suffering with something since I was 13.

He seems to think I a severe personality disorder, but he did not say what one and I'm still not sure what this really means! I'm going to guess it means I just have a shit personality?

Perhaps finally knowing why I feel like I do will be a positive step in getting it resolved?
 
Just got back from my first appointment with a consultant psychologist. I've finally got a diagnosis after suffering with something since I was 13.

He seems to think I a severe personality disorder, but he did not say what one and I'm still not sure what this really means! I'm going to guess it means I just have a shit personality?

Perhaps finally knowing why I feel like I do will be a positive step in getting it resolved?

Your personality.

It's disordered.

Quite severely.

I don't know either.
 
Just listening is a big help and I really appreciate it. I did some deep breathing exercises from YouTube. I also soaked in the shower for 45 minute's. That seemed to help a little. I was able to get 2 hours sleep. I'll keep trying that. I actually feel silly complaining.
Thank you Chewie for the well wishes and have a great time with your friend. Thank you again everyone for listening. This thread makes me feel not alone and welcome.

I'm glad to hear that this thread is helping you. Feel free to contact me through PM at any time if you need to talk. I'll reply the next time I'm on GAF.

My close family member who beat cancer keeps having good days and bad days. It's really hard. It depends on how much sleep they get, but they're severely deconditioned from being in hospital for a lot of the summer, and need physio to improve strength and walking. We've been waiting for the referral to go through to get the help.

It's tough seeing your closest family member sleep 18 hours a day and not have much energy. I just hope they'll get better soon and that it won't continue to be a downward spiral. I'm scared shitless, because doctors say there's no cancer and that there's nothing notably wrong outside of the fatigue and deconditioned state.
 
I have school in two days. As always, I'm anxious. It's been 3 years, and I still don't have a job. Pretty pathetic, right? Also, I haven't been practicing driving. Looks like the cost of driving written exam, passing the exam to get the permit will go down the drain. I'm really good at wasting time...
 
I have school in two days. As always, I'm anxious. It's been 3 years, and I still don't have a job. Pretty pathetic, right? Also, I haven't been practicing driving. Looks like the cost of driving written exam, passing the exam to get the permit will go down the drain. I'm really good at wasting time...

Things take time. No need to be in a rush. Just write down whatever you need to do and do it. Easier said than done but you got believe in yourself first. Make use of the counselling services or at least have someone to talk to more personally about what's going on your mind. You can give us a weekly update on what's going on and well try to give our input on it.

Like I said multiple times before, i feel the similar position as you . I'm redoing 2 courses this semester and I just got to actually do the work to pass along side staying positive to make sure Im not falling behind or think I can't do it. Its going to be tough for all of us but we are all in this together

If all of this sounds cliche above then my main takeaway is if you got something to do then do the damn thing. Ignore the past and move on. Need help? Ask for damn help. Make sure give yourself a break. You'll need to manage your time wisely to do well.

Good luck.
 
I was supposed to work on one of my assignments due friday. Pretty much procrastinated, wasted energy, and now im just dead tired. Its the same assignment from last semester and I couldnt finish it before because I wasnt entirely sure what to code. I got to do some coding soon... will need to ask for help but... ugh And ontop will be the readings I should cover. This is going to be hectic, even with 3 courses. Im taking the same courses last semester so its been a strange deja vu but not a good one.

SAWAP as always.
 
The other night after being at my friend's, I was riding high, but then the usual happened again. I helped my family member go to bed, then sat on their stairlift chair to take it downstairs for one of my grandparents. However, the thing wouldn't lock and I was told to get off (as I'm fat. Weight never occurred to me, but I don't sit on it anymore) and then called stupid by the old man when I turned around to take it downstairs.

Can't do anything right

It's been better as of late, though I've been pretty fatigued today.
 
I've been doing pretty well so far this year, but in the last few days I've really noticed my mood drop sharply in the evening. Someone on GAF noticed before that I become depressed at night. Maybe it's because my pills wear off?

It doesn't help I didn't do anything today. Been sucked into a video game since yesterday. I'm nearing the end of everything I want to complete in it.
 
The last week in particular has been very hard for me. Been struggling with anxiety and depression for about two years now.

Feel like I'm spending a lot of time wondering what I'm doing with myself. I feel like I'm in a dead end job, my number of friends seem to be dwindling and I'm living in a city with a lot of bad memories. I wish I could just pack up and move away. I wish it was that easy.
 
Feel like I'm spending a lot of time wondering what I'm doing with myself. I feel like I'm in a dead end job, my number of friends seem to be dwindling and I'm living in a city with a lot of bad memories. I wish I could just pack up and move away. I wish it was that easy.

Dunno if it makes you feel better, but I know exactly how you feel. Pretty similar situation for me, stuck at a job I don't like and not sure how to escape. My work performance has been dropping too, just can't seem to focus.
 
Had a beer tonight, only the second time I've had a full drink since I quit drinking in Summer 2013.

Made me sad and tired, just like it used to.

Now I'm sad.

Feels bad, man.

Oh well.

Best wishes to everyone on here.
 
The last week in particular has been very hard for me. Been struggling with anxiety and depression for about two years now.

Feel like I'm spending a lot of time wondering what I'm doing with myself. I feel like I'm in a dead end job, my number of friends seem to be dwindling and I'm living in a city with a lot of bad memories. I wish I could just pack up and move away. I wish it was that easy.
Is it due to financial reasons that you can't move, or is it the fear of the unknown that's holding you back?
 
Things take time. No need to be in a rush. Just write down whatever you need to do and do it. Easier said than done but you got believe in yourself first. Make use of the counselling services or at least have someone to talk to more personally about what's going on your mind. You can give us a weekly update on what's going on and well try to give our input on it.

Like I said multiple times before, i feel the similar position as you . I'm redoing 2 courses this semester and I just got to actually do the work to pass along side staying positive to make sure Im not falling behind or think I can't do it. Its going to be tough for all of us but we are all in this together

If all of this sounds cliche above then my main takeaway is if you got something to do then do the damn thing. Ignore the past and move on. Need help? Ask for damn help. Make sure give yourself a break. You'll need to manage your time wisely to do well.

Good luck.

I will see a counselor when I get back. I really hate gpa because that dictates whether I belong at the university or not. Also, if my gpa is lower, then I would go through a probation if I don't make up good grades the next semester. That happened to me but luckily I passed my classes to prevent myself going through probation. But now the classes are getting harder and I'm concerned with my inability to grasp concepts. I understand that I have to look forward if I fail classes, but how can I when I get this type of problem?

Staying at home all day sucks. The more I stay at home, the more I get too comfortable for me to not want to look for work or being anxious when I go back to school. It increases my fear of the unknown. I don't deserve these breaks, I've given myself a break for too long. I've said this before, and I'll say it again. I'm a dead weight and cheap because I'm not trying to look for a job or picky about jobs I want to work at.

I'm pretty pathetic because I'm making everything hard. Finding a job should be easy but in my case it's hard. Working really hard by putting time in doing homework or studying for exams get be a decent grade, but in my case it's hard. Wasting time is not only thing I'm good at, but I'm good at making mistakes and making poor choices.
 
Is it due to financial reasons that you can't move, or is it the fear of the unknown that's holding you back?

I think it's a bit of both. I'm renting a house here, so I would have to look for a new place, pack stuff up and haul it to wherever I would go. I also have my cat too, so it wouldn't be as simple as just wanting to grab my things and go. Would also require finding a new job too.

I have been wondering if going back to university is something I could do, and if financially that is a viable option.
 
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