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[nah]

okay. first post on gaf. had a crush on girl during autumn but i knew she was in relationship with another girl (and has been for a long time). we had an affair for a month (she was still in relationship and the gf knew about us. no i dont understand it either). her gf was not very happy with this.. thing. so the girl "dumped" me which didn't go very well and we've still being hanging out and we see each other everyday anyway (same college). she's been saying their relationship is going very badly but she cant break up because her gf is having lot of issues right now, she needs support etc etc. i know im stupid for even going for this sort of thing but ughh. i just can't let go, would feel like giving up on this thing, even though it doesn't look like there is very good chances for positive resolution. i like her alot and i know she likes me and all this hasn't been easy for her either. fuck.

what to do? drop out of school?

 

[GK86]

fuck, you're right. i don't mean a date, i didn't say date to her. actually, the first "date" wasn't a date either. we just hung out and talked for about an hour. i somehow managed to get a second hangout session with her, so let me rephrase my question... is there a smooth way of letting her know i'm more interested in dating than hanging out? or do i man up and tell her what i'm looking for?

You are going to have to be straight with her and tell her you would like to take her out on a date.

 

[Exploding8]

okay. first post on gaf. had a crush on girl during autumn but i knew she was in relationship with another girl (and has been for a long time). we had an affair for a month (she was still in relationship and the gf knew about us. no i dont understand it either). her gf was not very happy with this.. thing. so the girl "dumped" me which didn't go very well and we've still being hanging out and we see each other everyday anyway (same college). she's been saying their relationship is going very badly but she cant break up because her gf is having lot of issues right now, she needs support etc etc. i know im stupid for even going for this sort of thing but ughh. i just can't let go, would feel like giving up on this thing, even though it doesn't look like there is very good chances for positive resolution. i like her alot and i know she likes me and all this hasn't been easy for her either. fuck.

what to do? drop out of school?

Dropping out of school for someone is definitely not the answer.

All you can do is try your best to move on. Almost the exact thing happened to me last year. Her boyfriend was having issues and wasn't getting help for it, and she came to me to vent, and after spending a semester together she ended up cheating on her boyfriend with me for a week. But the semester ended soon after that, and by the end of the summer she wasn't really talking with me anymore. Her boyfriend broke up with her in the fall, and I got my hopes up and blew it. I still have feelings for her, and every time I see her when we're hanging out with friends they all come rushing back. But I know the best thing I can do for her and for myself is to try my best to move on.

I know its really hard, but if you really care for this girl then I think that's what you have to do. Don't waste any more of your life waiting for her; there are a ton of other amazing people out there if you're willing to put yourself out there, and if you start dating it starts to get easier to let go. Do your best to see her as little as possible; join clubs and volunteer or whatever to make yourself busy so you don't have as much time to think about her. It's not ideal, hell this whole situation isn't ideal, but it's better than losing sleep over her, and you might meet someone else special along the way.

 

[nah]

thanks for the reply. and yeah, that's basically the advice all my friends have gave me. try to move on. in a way feels really unfair that i have to try to "get away" from her even though she is the one in relationship. or i don't know there is just this stupid idea that i would be giving up on her if i stop seeing her. because we are still very close even though the situation is what it is. but i know you are right. doesn't make any sense to continue this way because i know im not happy in this situation and i can't wait x amount of time just to see if anything happens.

all our friends in college are basically mutual which makes this even more complicated.

oh well.

 

[Exploding8]

thanks for the reply. and yeah, that's basically the advice all my friends have gave me. try to move on. in a way feels really unfair that i have to try to "get away" from her even though she is the one in relationship. or i don't know there is just this stupid idea that i would be giving up on her if i stop seeing her. because we are still very close even though the situation is what it is. but i know you are right. doesn't make any sense to continue this way because i know im not happy in this situation and i can't wait x amount of time just to see if anything happens.

all our friends in college are basically mutual which makes this even more complicated.

oh well.

Yeah, all our friends are mutual as well. It sucks, but I'm right there with ya . I felt the same way trying to let go, like I was giving up on what could happen with this girl. Eventually all my hope ran out, and I realized I was dragging her down as well by not trying to move on. Besides, college is supposed to be a great time for meeting people, and it would be a shame to waste more of that.

 

[bcl0328]

The views thing is typical for a guy.

What is your typical opening message like, though? I assume you know this already but you've got to do more than just a greeting. Pull some stuff from their profile that genuinely interests you and comment about those things, ask further questions, etc. But also try to be reasonable concise.

I just started on POF and I've actually got about a 50% response rate, I'd say. I'm just an average looking dude, but I'm a pretty good writer and I think that's really carrying me.

You and I are GAF break up thread brothers, Patriot. Let's get you some responses.

i've started conversations with "hell yes mac and cheese!" i mean whatever works, just be yourself and don't copy/paste some opener.

fuck, you're right. i don't mean a date, i didn't say date to her. actually, the first "date" wasn't a date either. we just hung out and talked for about an hour. i somehow managed to get a second hangout session with her, so let me rephrase my question... is there a smooth way of letting her know i'm more interested in dating than hanging out? or do i man up and tell her what i'm looking for?

honestly i would be straight with her and just tell her how you feel. that's what i did with the last girl and we went on a date. it didn't work out, but at least we tried.

and if you start dating it starts to get easier to let go.

quoted for truth.

 

[Symphonia]

When I first joined OKC a while back, I used to do the copy-pasta thing a lot, but women pick up on it really easy, even if you do make a few subtle changes to relate to them. Scrap that. You need to be 100% original. Go through their interests and strike up a convo from that. Never, ever have your first message be about a relationship or to do with sex. That will NOT go down well.

 

[bcl0328]

When I first joined OKC a while back, I used to do the copy-pasta thing a lot, but women pick up on it really easy, even if you do make a few subtle changes to relate to them. Scrap that. You need to be 100% original. Go through their interests and strike up a convo from that. Never, ever have your first message be about a relationship or to do with sex. That will NOT go down well.

what happens to me is they read my message, look at my profile, then don't respond, hah.

 

[Symphonia]

what happens to me is they read my message, look at my profile, then don't respond, hah.

Then you need to either make your opening message more interesting, jazz up your profile, or both. If you want, PM me a link to your OKC profile, and I'll see if anything can be done to improve it.

 

[Zing]

I the first message:

Try not to say anything about physical looks.
Be original, natural, and create a unique message for each woman.
Choose things from their profile that genuinely interest you, mention them and how they relate to you or your interests.
Write more than one sentence.
Use full words and sentences. Proper spelling and grammar alone can get you a response.

To be honest, if your intent is more than a hookup and you are sincerely interested in the woman, it should be easy to write a message, and you WILL get a response from many women.

 

[n64coder]

what happens to me is they read my message, look at my profile, then don't respond, hah.

Can you post samples of your initial response message so we can critique them?

 

[bcl0328]

Then you need to either make your opening message more interesting, jazz up your profile, or both. If you want, PM me a link to your OKC profile, and I'll see if anything can be done to improve it.

Can you post samples of your initial response message so we can critique them?

is it really that important though? i mean i wouldn't care what any girl said to me. if i like how they look then i would respond. i'm just thinking they don't like my appearance.

i had reddit critique my profile once and basically i need better pics and be less vague in my info.

 

[Travolta]

Hi guys. First time posting in this topic, I noticed a lot of guys having trouble with women and decided to share some tips that helped me a lot few years ago. I know that most people here are not fans of the so-called "Internet love gurus"(PUAs, dating coaches etc.), but this text helped me realize what I was doing wrong most of the time, which then I started working on fixing these issues.

The link is: http://www.wolfandgarden.com/how-to-be-like-hank-moody-from-californication/ <-ignore the clickbait title, the text is gold. The best tip is number 5, by far

The secret here is to change yourself, most PUAs texts promise you a checklist of things that if done correctly will get you laid. That is a fallacy; we are talking about people here, not machines or a videogame. If you want to be a man that is attractive to women, you will have to change the way you think, act and behave. And no, before anymore says, I am not drowning in pussy, but I am getting my share (or was, just got on a serious relationship a few months ago).

We are a generation raised by women, not taught how to act like a man. This is why a lot of guys are so complacent and dimissive, they dont act like a man. And nothing is more attractive to a woman that a masculine man (no matter what others say). Start to notice how other men (that you know are successful with women) act; you will see that they are not afraid to be themselves, to go after what they want (but respecting others people privacy and space). I advise to read the book "The Way of the superior man", which is very good despite the clickbait title (what is with these dating tips clickbait titles...)

And sorry if my post seems too cocky, English is not my native language and the subject of human behavior is not the easiest to talk about.

 

[electricshake]

Hi guys. First time posting in this topic, I noticed a lot of guys having trouble with women and decided to share some tips that helped me a lot few years ago. I know that most people here are not fans of the so-called "Internet love gurus"(PUAs, dating coaches etc.), but this text helped me realize what I was doing wrong most of the time, which then I started working on fixing these issues.

The link is: http://www.wolfandgarden.com/how-to-be-like-hank-moody-from-californication/ <-ignore the clickbait title, the text is gold. The best tip is number 5, by far

The secret here is to change yourself, most PUAs texts promise you a checklist of things that if done correctly will get you laid. That is a fallacy; we are talking about people here, not machines or a videogame. If you want to be a man that is attractive to women, you will have to change the way you think, act and behave. And no, before anymore says, I am not drowning in pussy, but I am getting my share (or was, just got on a serious relationship a few months ago).

We are a generation raised by women, not taught how to act like a man. This is why a lot of guys are so complacent and dimissive, they dont act like a man. And nothing is more attractive to a woman that a masculine man (no matter what others say). Start to notice how other men (that you know are successful with women) act; you will see that they are not afraid to be themselves, to go after what they want (but respecting others people privacy and space). I advise to read the book "The Way of the superior man", which is very good despite the clickbait title (what is with these dating tips clickbait titles...)

And sorry if my post seems too cocky, English is not my native language and the subject of human behavior is not the easiest to talk about.

I'm not with my bf because he's masculine, I'm with him because he's sweet, sexy, smart and funny.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

We are a generation raised by women, not taught how to act like a man. This is why a lot of guys are so complacent and dimissive, they dont act like a man. And nothing is more attractive to a woman that a masculine man (no matter what others say). Start to notice how other men (that you know are successful with women) act; you will see that they are not afraid to be themselves, to go after what they want (but respecting others people privacy and space). I advise to read the book "The Way of the superior man", which is very good despite the clickbait title (what is with these dating tips clickbait titles...)

And sorry if my post seems too cocky, English is not my native language and the subject of human behavior is not the easiest to talk about.

I've never thought, damn, he's so manly. Yeah I do complain about men not putting moves on me, but its more because I'm a direct person who's open and honest when it comes to most aspects of my life. I value communication and bluntness. I'm a pretty impatient person when it comes to dating and hate mind/guessing games. I also don't associate that trait with a gender. If that's considered masculine, then would shy/reserved be considered "feminine"? I believe those ideas are becoming a little archaic.

 

[bcl0328]

Hi guys. First time posting in this topic, I noticed a lot of guys having trouble with women and decided to share some tips that helped me a lot few years ago. I know that most people here are not fans of the so-called "Internet love gurus"(PUAs, dating coaches etc.), but this text helped me realize what I was doing wrong most of the time, which then I started working on fixing these issues.

The link is: http://www.wolfandgarden.com/how-to-be-like-hank-moody-from-californication/ <-ignore the clickbait title, the text is gold. The best tip is number 5, by far

The secret here is to change yourself, most PUAs texts promise you a checklist of things that if done correctly will get you laid. That is a fallacy; we are talking about people here, not machines or a videogame. If you want to be a man that is attractive to women, you will have to change the way you think, act and behave. And no, before anymore says, I am not drowning in pussy, but I am getting my share (or was, just got on a serious relationship a few months ago).

We are a generation raised by women, not taught how to act like a man. This is why a lot of guys are so complacent and dimissive, they dont act like a man. And nothing is more attractive to a woman that a masculine man (no matter what others say). Start to notice how other men (that you know are successful with women) act; you will see that they are not afraid to be themselves, to go after what they want (but respecting others people privacy and space). I advise to read the book "The Way of the superior man", which is very good despite the clickbait title (what is with these dating tips clickbait titles...)

And sorry if my post seems too cocky, English is not my native language and the subject of human behavior is not the easiest to talk about.

yea let me show this to the girl who chose a guy over me that wears stockings on his arms and paints his nails >.>

 

[Symphonia]

And nothing is more attractive to a woman that a masculine man (no matter what others say).

Yeah, hi. I'm not a manly man by any means, and I got a shitload of messages from women on OKC, and my girlfriend loves my body. This is a load of superficial bullshit.

 

[GK86]

Yup, I agree with the above posters. Being comfortable with yourself, being yourself and going after things you want have nothing to do with being "manly."

 

[Travolta]

When I said masculine, what I mean is be more confident, responsible, protect who you love, honest etc. You know, be more like a man and less like a boy. The advice I see the most here is "be yourself and eventually you will find your soulmate", but if you are a 26-year old virgin and were yourself all this time maybe something is wrong? I don't know, just trying to help, don't crucify me

 

[mullet2000]

i've started conversations with "hell yes mac and cheese!" i mean whatever works, just be yourself and don't copy/paste some opener.

Yeah something like that is fine because you're pulling from her profile.

I just mean don't use generic or copy/paste openers, yeah.

 

[Symphonia]

Being confident, responsible and protective isn't masculine, it's human. To assign such traits to one specific gender is ridiculous.

 

[Idde]

When I said masculine, what I mean is be more confident, responsible, protect who you love, honest etc. You know, be more like a man and less like a boy. The advice I see the most here is "be yourself and eventually you will find your soulmate", but if you are a 26-year old virgin and were yourself all this time maybe something is wrong? I don't know, just trying to help, don't crucify me

I doubt most 26 year old virgins are really themselves, when talking to the opposite sex. A cool guy once told me he felt people were missing out on the real him, because he had security problems, so the real him never came out. I have the same thing. If 26 year old virgins would be confident, and let all of their positive personality traits come out, they probably wouldn't be a virgin for a lot longer.

I disagree with you that you HAVE to be manly, take charge etc.. I agree with you that, if it's in your nature to be 'manly', you should be 'manly' with pride, and not hide it because it might scare of women. But that doesn't just go for 'manly' traits, it goes for everything.

 

[Flying Toaster]

We are a generation raised by women, not taught how to act like a man. This is why a lot of guys are so complacent and dimissive, they dont act like a man. And nothing is more attractive to a woman that a masculine man (no matter what others say). Start to notice how other men (that you know are successful with women) act; you will see that they are not afraid to be themselves, to go after what they want (but respecting others people privacy and space). I advise to read the book "The Way of the superior man", which is very good despite the clickbait title (what is with these dating tips clickbait titles...)

And sorry if my post seems too cocky, English is not my native language and the subject of human behavior is not the easiest to talk about.

Um, I think you have watched Fight Club one too many times.

Personality, confidence, intelligence, humor... These are also attractive qualities. I have never won over the interest of a girl by carrying a club out of my cave and attacking vicious wild life. I have however fondly remember an amazing weekend all started by being at a brewery with friends and over hearing some asshole fresh in college guy trying to spout off his crappy knowledge of Russian literature and incorrectly telling his very gorgeous and intelligent date that Leo Tolstoy wrote "The Master and the Margarita".

One thing I can never let stand is misinformation being spewed about one of the greatest books of modern literature be represented by one of the greatest authors of a previous century.

Perhaps you could argue that it was masculine of me to interrupt their date, put the idiot in his place and steal the girl. I see it differently. I used humor to politely interrupt his conversation, intelligence to clear up his mistake and it was my confidence which said girl was attracted to and ultimately swayed her to my table and a great evening.

So I have to disagree that women all want masculine men. The women I have encountered want well rounded men with great character.

Edit: After thinking more on the subject. I think women wanting masculine men is an extremely over used phrase. Perhaps it is the internet throwing the word masculine around and me reading too much into just the word itself. I think people in general just want well rounded interesting people in their life. When I see phrases such as buff, gym, masculine being tossed into debates on dating or wooing people the geek in me gets defensive as I do not see myself as these things. It really comes down to being confident which stems from being comfortable with who you are. People tend to be attracted to individuals that seem to have their shit together. I am sorry that I responded without thinking more into what you said, and I can see where you are coming from to a point.

 

[Valus]

Being confident, responsible and protective isn't masculine, it's human. To assign such traits to one specific gender is ridiculous.

They've been assigned to men for millenniums. They still are today, though a shift is occuring. I get that you don't agree with it (neither do I), but there is nothing ridiculous about it. It's fact.

 

[Christberg]

Being confident, responsible and protective isn't masculine, it's human. To assign such traits to one specific gender is ridiculous.

Yep. I'll go one further. When I'm on a date, I'm looking for whether you express yourself confidently both physically and verbally. I'm looking for whether you can take care of yourself and handle any situation with confidence. I'm looking for whether our personalities are going to mesh well. And when I kiss you, I want to be kissed back with confidence. I want to feel the thirst in that kiss and if I don't you're getting dropped.

Looks only get you so far.

I'm a dude. Hey, look: it's the same stuff women are looking for!

Everybody should be looking for this. Gender doesn't enter into it.

 

[Travolta]

Perhaps you could argue that it was masculine of me to interrupt their date, put the idiot in his place and steal the girl. I see it differently. I used humor to politely interrupt his conversation, intelligence to clear up his mistake and it was my confidence which said girl was attracted to and ultimately swayed her to my table and a great evening.

In fact I agree with you, and you did the right thing. Nice job!

Yeah, hi. I'm not a manly man by any means, and I got a shitload of messages from women on OKC, and my girlfriend loves my body. This is a load of superficial bullshit.

You have a girlfriend and is on OKC? Shame on you Just kidding...You said you are not manly, but if you take care of your girlfriend, is responbible and confident you are actually acting like a man. This is the problem, most people have a distorted notion of what it means to be a man. It is not about hitting the gym, fighting, praticing "heavy" sports, taking ladies at force, nothing like that....

And about the linked text, did anyone bother reading that?

 

[Symphonia]

They've been assigned to men for millenniums. They still are today, though a shift is occuring. I get that you don't agree with it (neither do I), but there is nothing ridiculous about it. It's fact.

It's not fact, it's misconception. Why is it that the guy is assigned the role of being the confident, protective one in the relationship? When I'm looking for a girl - or when I was, at least - I look for one who exudes confidence, to the point where it could be mistaken for arrogance.

Not just mentally, either, but physically. I will be reading their body language the entire time, and if I get the impression they're not confident, and therefore not comfortable, I'll drop them. The real test is in the kiss at the end of the date.

Christberg gets it.

 

[gaiages]

When I said masculine, what I mean is be more confident, responsible, protect who you love, honest etc. You know, be more like a man and less like a boy. The advice I see the most here is "be yourself and eventually you will find your soulmate", but if you are a 26-year old virgin and were yourself all this time maybe something is wrong? I don't know, just trying to help, don't crucify me

I just associate it that with acting mature. Yeah, I can get behind that, but that doesn't mean you have to change who you are to do that; just a hint of confidence and awareness of how to act in adult situations can go a long way. Also, the advice could go for both genders, and masculinity isn't always a favorable trait (I don't like it if they go overboard with the whole 'manly man' thing myself, it feels overbearing).

 

[DarkChronic]

Made a post here the other day how the girl I was dating completely disappeared after a stressful class.

I finally dragged it out of her Tuesday night that she wants to stop seeing me. She cited, "the stress got to me and I really just need to be alone right now."

I'm absolutely crushed, especially how she brought up future plans all the time, told me how happy she was with me, and how great things were going.

It's mind boggling that someone can do a complete 180 like that in a matter of days. I saw her at a hockey game, things were COMPLETELY NORMAL, and then days later she wants out.

I know it was only 2-3 months together, but it still hurts like hell right now. I think it's mostly because she opened up emotionally to me first, and I allowed myself to get invested. And then this gut punch.

Real shitty thing to do to someone. I don't think it was a gradual fade. She was texting me intimate things ALL week (can't wait to see you, I miss you, etc.) (she initiated all of them) and then DAYS later, wants nothing to do with me.

Bizarre, frustrating, shitty.

 

[Neffarias_Bredd]

Made a post here the other day how the girl I was dating completely disappeared after a stressful class.

I finally dragged it out of her Tuesday night that she wants to stop seeing me. She cited, "the stress got to me and I really just need to be alone right now."

I'm absolutely crushed, especially how she brought up future plans all the time, told me how happy she was with me, and how great things were going.

It's mind boggling that someone can do a complete 180 like that in a matter of days. I saw her at a hockey game, things were COMPLETELY NORMAL, and then days later she wants out.

I know it was only 2-3 months together, but it still hurts like hell right now. I think it's mostly because she opened up emotionally to me first, and I allowed myself to get invested. And then this gut punch.

Real shitty thing to do to someone. I don't think it was a gradual fade. She was texting me intimate things ALL week (can't wait to see you, I miss you, etc.) (she initiated all of them) and then DAYS later, wants nothing to do with me.

Bizarre, frustrating, shitty.

I know it's tough, but it's better to rip the bandaid off quick. A long, painful, confusing period of slowly losing someone is much worse

 

[electricshake]

When I said masculine, what I mean is be more confident, responsible, protect who you love, honest etc. You know, be more like a man and less like a boy. The advice I see the most here is "be yourself and eventually you will find your soulmate", but if you are a 26-year old virgin and were yourself all this time maybe something is wrong? I don't know, just trying to help, don't crucify me

So the fact that I do these makes me a masculine woman? Fuck off.

And actually the advice in here is generally 'improve yourself so you can be the best person you can be'

 

[stn]

The only time I think someone should "be a man" or "be a woman" is when they let a person take advantage of them or something like that. Otherwise, something like confidence is gender-neutral. However, I strongly disagree with the whole "be yourself!" concept. Its good if "yourself" leads to something productive, otherwise its just bad. I've changed myself enough times. If I was "myself" from age 19 up until now then I can safely say I probably wouldn't know a single girl. The people who succeed the most are the ones who can be themselves but also conform at the same time.

 

[Flying Toaster]

Made a post here the other day how the girl I was dating completely disappeared after a stressful class.

I finally dragged it out of her Tuesday night that she wants to stop seeing me. She cited, "the stress got to me and I really just need to be alone right now."

I'm absolutely crushed, especially how she brought up future plans all the time, told me how happy she was with me, and how great things were going.

It's mind boggling that someone can do a complete 180 like that in a matter of days. I saw her at a hockey game, things were COMPLETELY NORMAL, and then days later she wants out.

I know it was only 2-3 months together, but it still hurts like hell right now. I think it's mostly because she opened up emotionally to me first, and I allowed myself to get invested. And then this gut punch.

Real shitty thing to do to someone. I don't think it was a gradual fade. She was texting me intimate things ALL week (can't wait to see you, I miss you, etc.) (she initiated all of them) and then DAYS later, wants nothing to do with me.

Bizarre, frustrating, shitty.

Oh wow, I am sorry. People handle stress differently and that is unfortunate that this happened to you. Eh, better to be hurt in the short term than have this happen in a well established relationship a year down the road. (Not saying that what you have was not well established) I am just saying in the short term this might be for the best as 3 months of bonding is hard enough to grieve over, imagine a year of bonding.

The only time I think someone should "be a man" or "be a woman" is when they let a person take advantage of them or something like that. Otherwise, something like confidence is gender-neutral. However, I strongly disagree with the whole "be yourself!" concept. Its good if "yourself" leads to something productive, otherwise its just bad. I've changed myself enough times. If I was "myself" from age 19 up until now then I can safely say I probably wouldn't know a single girl. The people who succeed the most are the ones who can be themselves but also conform at the same time.

I think be yourself is more of a blanket statement... Be comfortable with who you are. But at the same time we change constantly little things are always evolving and things we believe and hold dear can change through time. Conforming though, do you mean as in social behaviors to fit in with others or actually change aspects to be one of the pack?

 

[Christberg]

The only time I think someone should "be a man" or "be a woman" is when they let a person take advantage of them or something like that. Otherwise, something like confidence is gender-neutral. However, I strongly disagree with the whole "be yourself!" concept. Its good if "yourself" leads to something productive, otherwise its just bad. I've changed myself enough times. If I was "myself" from age 19 up until now then I can safely say I probably wouldn't know a single girl. The people who succeed the most are the ones who can be themselves but also conform at the same time.

When I tell someone to be themselves, I mean it. It's the best thing to do. It doesn't matter what your interests or tastes are (within reason.) Finding a mate with similar interests and/or an open mind shouldn't be too hard if you're anywhere near a major population center.

But that's predicated on you liking yourself. If you don't have that then no matter what you're interested in, the stuff that comes out of your mouth will sound desperate, insincere and possibly creepy.

Step 1 before dating is love yourself. Step 2 is to be yourself. Step 3 is to know what you want and act on it.

 

[J. Bravo]

What's the best way to approach a girl in my class? We both think the other is attractive. The class is 2 days a week from 730a-1050a. It's A&P. Like, how do I find an opportunity to get her number with so little face time? We take breaks almost every hour, so I guess small talk then could lead to it.

 

[stn]

Conforming though, do you mean as in social behaviors to fit in with others or actually change aspects to be one of the pack?

I mean doing things when they require little effort but yet make a great difference. For example, dancing at the club with your friends even if you hate it. Sipping a glass of champagne for New Years even if you hate it (which I do, by the way). Not always falling back to your comfort zone when something doesn't go your way.

Here's an example. A friend of mine is always himself no matter what. And he's unwilling to change or even observe basic social customs. We went to a VERY posh place for a mutual friend's birthday, he came dressed in sweat pants because he was/is uncomfortable in anything else. He's being himself, sure, but he's also being selfish and unresponsive to basic things.

When I tell someone to be themselves, I mean it. It's the best thing to do. It doesn't matter what your interests or tastes are (within reason.) Finding a mate with similar interests and/or an open mind shouldn't be too hard if you're anywhere near a major population center.

The problem with "being yourself" all the time is that sometimes you lose sight of things and miss out on opportunities. I used to be very anti-social and play video games nonstop. If I had looked for someone exactly the same in a relationship then you'd have two people staying at home nonstop and playing video games. Know what I mean? I only found out that's not what I wanted after I was pressured to try new things. Now I couldn't even imagine being what I used to be. Like I said, being yourself is good when it leads to results.

 

[GK86]

What's the best way to approach a girl in my class? We both think the other is attractive. The class is 2 days a week from 730a-1050a. It's A&P. Like, how do I find an opportunity to get her number with so little face time? We take breaks almost every hour, so I guess small talk then could lead to it.

Ask for her number during the break or after the class is over.

 

[Travolta]

So the fact that I do these makes me a masculine woman? Fuck off.

And actually the advice in here is generally 'improve yourself so you can be the best person you can be'

Thought people would be more welcoming in this topic. Whatever, I am outta here. Good luck guys!

 

[Flying Toaster]

What's the best way to approach a girl in my class? We both think the other is attractive. The class is 2 days a week from 730a-1050a. It's A&P. Like, how do I find an opportunity to get her number with so little face time? We take breaks almost every hour, so I guess small talk then could lead to it.

Given that time block you could always ask if she is up for lunch... I mean class for that long one does have to eat afterwords.

I mean doing things when they require little effort but yet make a great difference. For example, dancing at the club with your friends even if you hate it. Sipping a glass of champagne for New Years even if you hate it (which I do, by the way). Not always falling back to your comfort zone when something doesn't go your way.

Here's an example. A friend of mine is always himself no matter what. And he's unwilling to change or even observe basic social customs. We went to a VERY posh place for a mutual friend's birthday, he came dressed in sweat pants because he was/is uncomfortable in anything else. He's being himself, sure, but he's also being selfish and unresponsive to basic things.


The problem with "being yourself" all the time is that sometimes you lose sight of things and miss out on opportunities. I used to be very anti-social and play video games nonstop. If I had looked for someone exactly the same in a relationship then you'd have two people staying at home nonstop and playing video games. Know what I mean? I only found out that's not what I wanted after I was pressured to try new things. Now I couldn't even imagine being what I used to be. Like I said, being yourself is good when it leads to results.

I agree with that, thanks for the clarification.

Thought people would be more welcoming in this topic. Whatever, I am outta here. Good luck guys!

All advice is welcome. Don't take things too personally and keep and open mind when you give advice that others might ask for more specifics or disagree. This is the internet sometimes people disagree more harshly than intended.

 

[Sealion88]

What's the best way to approach a girl in my class? We both think the other is attractive. The class is 2 days a week from 730a-1050a. It's A&P. Like, how do I find an opportunity to get her number with so little face time? We take breaks almost every hour, so I guess small talk then could lead to it.

Ask what she is taking AP for. Most of the people take it for nursing, PT or some medical field. You can start from there!

 

[electricshake]

Thought people would be more welcoming in this topic. Whatever, I am outta here. Good luck guys!

Not if you're going to be sexist or perpetuate gender stereotypes.

 

[Symphonia]

Thought people would be more welcoming in this topic. Whatever, I am outta here. Good luck guys!

We are welcoming when it comes to useful tips and constructive advice. We're not so welcoming when it comes to someone saying you MUST be a manly man to find love, and assigning characteristics that should be unisex to one specific gender.

 

[Exploding8]

The problem with "being yourself" all the time is that sometimes you lose sight of things and miss out on opportunities. I used to be very anti-social and play video games nonstop. If I had looked for someone exactly the same in a relationship then you'd have two people staying at home nonstop and playing video games. Know what I mean? I only found out that's not what I wanted after I was pressured to try new things. Now I couldn't even imagine being what I used to be. Like I said, being yourself is good when it leads to results.

^this * 1000

I hate the phrase "be yourself". It implies things will just magically work out, and its bullshit. Its on the same level of "love always finds a way" and "if you really want something it will happen". Sorry, love doesn't always find a way, and you rarely get what you really want from life. And a lot of times, "just" being yourself isn't good enough; you have to try your best to be something better than yourself if you want to improve your life. You'll stumble all along the way, but you'll get used to failing, and you'll be better off because of it.

But then maybe I'm just becoming bitter.

 

[Christberg]

The problem with "being yourself" all the time is that sometimes you lose sight of things and miss out on opportunities. I used to be very anti-social and play video games nonstop. If I had looked for someone exactly the same in a relationship then you'd have two people staying at home nonstop and playing video games. Know what I mean? I only found out that's not what I wanted after I was pressured to try new things. Now I couldn't even imagine being what I used to be. Like I said, being yourself is good when it leads to results.

Sure. I think that falls under the heading of knowing what you want and acting on it though. If you're mostly looking to sit on the couch and ignore each other then you should probably think about your priorities.

Playing video games with your SO can be a worthwhile activity, though. Especially a good coop game. But it's a passive one and the active ones are much, much better.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

^this * 1000

I hate the phrase "be yourself". It implies things will just magically work out, and its bullshit. Its on the same level of "love always finds a way" and "if you really want something it will happen". Sorry, love doesn't always find a way, and you rarely get what you really want from life. And a lot of times, "just" being yourself isn't good enough; you have to try your best to be something better than yourself if you want to improve your life. You'll stumble all along the way, but you'll get used to failing, and you'll be better off because of it.

But then maybe I'm just becoming bitter.

You are bitter and you're implying things that people don't mean. Be yourself doesn't mean be a selfish asshole who doesn't bend ever. It means being the person you want to be and strive to be. Too many people think you need to act a certain way or be a certain person to attract a girl. People like confidence not some mold a pua made up. You're going to be miserable if you have to constantly fake things around your partner just to date them.

 

[bcl0328]

well, just got back from our date. we had some drinks and talked for about 2 hours. i would've stayed longer, but she's a nurse and had to get ready for tomorrow. i'm not sure if we were into each other. i mean i didn't really feel a chemistry or anything, but it was our first time meeting. i would go out again if she wanted. she was pretty fun and liked to joke around.

should i text her now?

 

[Flying Toaster]

well, just got back from our date. we had some drinks and talked for about 2 hours. i would've stayed longer, but she's a nurse and had to get ready for tomorrow. i'm not sure if we were into each other. i mean i didn't really feel a chemistry or anything, but it was our first time meeting. i would go out again if she wanted. she was pretty fun and liked to joke around.

should i text her now?

Well I don't see what harm there is in a text saying "hey I had a lot of fun lets do it again" or something along those lines.

Sometimes its hard to have chemistry on a first date or meetup because both parties are trying to figure the other one out and defenses might be up.

 

[MonorailCat]

should i text her now?

I would treat it like if you were going out with a friend.
text something if you want to say something funny or interesting. not because you feel you have to say something to stay in her mind or to get confirmation.

I wouldnt text something like "was fun, want to meet again".
that should be a given. if you want to meet again you sent a message to meet again another day, not a message right after a date to get confirmation that she liked you too.

 

[bcl0328]

I would treat it like if you were going out with a friend.
text something if you want to say something funny or interesting. not because you feel you have to say something to stay in her mind or to get confirmation.

I wouldnt text something like "was fun, want to meet again".
that should be a given. if you want to meet again you sent a message to meet again another day, not a message right after a date to get confirmation that she liked you too.

well when i was parking i hit a curb and messed my wheel up then we had a few drinks. was going to say something like "whew, only hit two cars on the way home" or something. i mean she was joking about beheading and stuff lol so i think she would like it.

 

[MonorailCat]

well when i was parking i hit a curb and messed my wheel up then we had a few drinks. was going to say something like "whew, only hit two cars on the way home" or something. i mean she was joking about beheading and stuff lol so i think she would like it.

sounds fine for me. fun and casual messages are always ok. I just wouldn't cram something in there to get confirmation.

But in the grand scheme of things I don't think the after date texts matter that much. If a girl didn't like you while you met, she won't magically like you because you wrote the best message after the exact right amount of time. And if she liked you on the date, you can pretty much write whatever you want (within reason).