My current partner and I met online a little over two years ago. The first time we had sex, she started crying in the middle of it. She was honest near the beginning about being depressed and having suicidal thoughts on and off. About 6 months into the relationship, she dropped out of college. Just a couple of weeks later, we found out she was pregnant (she was on the pill but we weren't using condoms). She decided to go through with the pregnancy, and her older sister and brother-in-law adopted the baby. We got engaged shortly after the baby was born (we'd been living together for a few months at that point).
Since then, we've barely had sex the anxiety and emotional complication from everything makes it hard for me to envision being intimate with her. She continues to be depressed, have suicidal thoughts and panic attacks, and hates her body (the pregnancy and resulting changes have contributed to this, but she had significant body image issues even before the pregnancy). She quit her job about half a year ago. She's recently applied to jobs and even been hired, but didn't follow through with it. Her friends either live back home or have moved away. Her mom lives below the poverty line and can't help her financially. She barely talks to her dad.
For a long time, I thought I would be able to handle things, that if I loved her and tried hard enough, it would work out. But now I truly believe it won't. As much as I do love her and wish that we could be happy together, I don't think that us staying together is good for either of us. Even if she were to recover, I don't think I could get over all the pain we've been through these past two years. Perhaps we could try to stay together and work towards being more healthy, but I don't want to dangle that hope in front of her and then realize later that I still wouldn't be happy. In addition, I think I need to be alone for a while. I'm finishing up with school and about to embark on the beginning of my career, which is going to take a lot of hard work and energy. I barely have the ability to take care of my two cats, so how can I take care of a person? Furthermore, this is the second very serious relationship that I've been in, and both have unhealthy similarities that tell me I need to figure some things out for myself.
I've never broken up with anyone before. I'm scared of what she might do. Has anyone out there ended a relationship with someone who was suicidal?
' in their profiles that it makes it next to impossible to say much. Of the women that have meat in their profiles, I will indeed greet them and ask them questions or comment on what they've written. Of the latter type, I'd say I have about a 30% response rate - give or a take a bit.
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gonna meet up for tea in harvard, then go see blade runner in the theater. Afterwards we are going back to his place for his roommates bday. It was supposed to be a double date but my friend cancelled. 