Dating someone with 'Bad genes'

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L

Loofy

Member
..like baldness.

jk so I know a friend of a friend that met the girl of his dreams, so he thought. He was ready to marry this girl so during the holidays he met her family for the first time. Her brother had a severe genetic handicap. I dont know what it was but when he looked it up he found that it was a disease that had a high chance of being passed down to his own kids. Shortly after he broke up with the girl for this reason.

Sounds harsh but I think I may have done the same thing..
 
M

maxcriden

Member
That is really odd to me. Sounds like she dodged a bullet. so she's damaged goods for reproduction based on the family genetic history? Why not adopt?
 
B

Busty

Banned
Loofy said:
jk so I know a friend of a friend that met the girl of his dreams, so he thought. He was ready to marry this girl so during the holidays he met her family for the first time. Her brother had a severe genetic handicap. I dont know what it was but when he looked it up he found that it was a disease that had a high chance of being passed down to his own kids. Shortly after he broke up with the girl for this reason.
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Your friend also has a gene defect, he's a prick.
 
M

Madness

Member
On the one hand, I can see where the guy is coming from. Too many people don't take into account genetics, family medical histories. On the other hand, are you willing to potentially leave someone you love and can see spending your life with on the off chance that maybe some debilitating or crippling genetic disease may be passed on to your children? You cross the road when you come to it.
 
B

Borgnine

MBA in pussy licensing and rights management
If they know which genes contain the disease they can grow a bunch of babies in a tube and then select one without it. He should have looked in to it.
 
F

Foxix Von

Member
Wow... Yeah, that dudes a dick. Adoption is always a route. Hell, medical science is moving so damn fast you never know if the disease might be treatable by the time you decide to have kids.
 
D

David Incorporated Esq.

Member
Let's just put the adoption option aside here. A lot of people would prefer to have their own children, so just saying "Adopt!" doesn't further the discussion.

I'd have second thoughts about a relationship for sure, but I think I'd talk to a doctor to see what options were available for pre-natal screenings/care. The idea of having a kid with a major genetic defect that's going to severely hamper their life is terrifying to me.
 
M

maxcriden

Member
Dave Inc. said:
Let's just put the adoption option aside here. A lot of people would prefer to have their own children, so just saying "Adopt!" doesn't further the discussion.

I'd have second thoughts about it for sure, but I think I'd talk to a doctor to see what options were available for pre-natal screenings/care. The idea of having a kid with a major genetic defect that's going to severely hamper their life is terrifying to me.
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It doesn't further the discussion...in your opinion. A lot of people have a lot of opinions. I don't see the mileage in limiting the discussion (unless you were the OP, maybe). No offense, though.

Trying to put the sensible choice of adoption aside (wink emoticon), I agree that it would be something to discuss with a doctor -- regardless I would assume if you love your SO and want to be with them this is something you would have to figure out together. I don't think second thoughts of being with the person would enter in to it, but I know that's a YMMV kinda situation.

Zakalwe said:
This.

I love my +1. That's more important than anything else.
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Oh, I like this turn of phrase. I like the idea of being my wife's +1. I'm going to use this. Thanks.
 
P

Prinz Eugn

Member
Loofy said:
..like baldness.

jk so I know a friend of a friend that met the girl of his dreams, so he thought. He was ready to marry this girl so during the holidays he met her family for the first time. Her brother had a severe genetic handicap. I dont know what it was but when he looked it up he found that it was a disease that had a high chance of being passed down to his own kids. Shortly after he broke up with the girl for this reason.

Sounds harsh but I think I may have done the same thing..
Click to expand...

Did he actually talk to a doctor or anything other than Google it?
 
B

bjork

Member
I always thought of +1 as like "you're invited and you can bring a guest." I didn't know it was some term for spouse or whatever. Learn something new every day.

Also we learned that OP's friend is cold blooded.
 
W

WalkMan

Banned
Not really odd, he's playing by the rules of survival of the fittest. Good for him for being able to get early foresight before committing - his future offspring will appreciate it.
 
R

Reset

Member
How is the friend a prick? His friend obviously wants to have his own kids when he gets married and not everyone wants to adopt.
 
S

sixteen-bit

Member
I have heard of shady stories where partner who doesn't want to spread the bad genes gets a vasectomy or tubal ligation and doesn't tell the other.
 
R

RumblingRosco

Member
I think that's reasonable depending on the situation. Your friend sounds like kind of a dick unless he talked this over with the girl and she was adamant about having kids. Here's my thought-process.

1) If I or my partner had a very high chance of passing along a very dangerous genetic defect, I would never want to have us have kids - adopting would be the only thing I'd be comfortable with, I think.
2) If my partner disagreed with me and was adamant about us giving birth to our own kids despite very high genetic odds of a severe illness or disease, I think this would become an irreconcilable difference between us and I don't think we'd work as a couple.

I think this seems quite logical. Now, if the guy didn't discuss it with the girl first, then he's just a dick.
 
M

Madness

Member
Mauricio_Magus said:
I'd never break up with someone over any kind of "bad genes".

Then again, I don't want to have children.
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We'll then you know why you'd never break up with someone with 'bad genes' because it wouldn't affect you. I'm not saying I support the guy here, but saying he's in the wrong here ignores his thoughts, viewpoints, feelings, beliefs. Maybe he wants biological children, maybe children are more important to him than his gf/so, maybe he wasn't willing to overlook possible genetic defects in his children to stay with the person has with. There is no right or wrong here, even if it seems silly or hurtful.

I agree, he's taking a pretty harsh stance, since there was no guarantee his children would even develop the disease. He let potentially the love of his life go away.
 
R

Reset

Member
Soka said:
I think that's reasonable depending on the situation. Your friend sounds like kind of a dick unless he talked this over with the girl and she was adamant about having kids. Here's my thought-process.

1) If I or my partner had a very high chance of passing along a very dangerous genetic defect, I would never want to have us have kids - adopting would be the only thing I'd be comfortable with, I think.
2) If my partner disagreed with me and was adamant about us giving birth to our own kids despite very high genetic odds, I think this would become an irreconcilable difference between us and I don't think we'd work as a couple and we'd eventually break up.

I think this seems quite logical. Now, if the guy didn't discuss it with the girl first, then he's just a dick.
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Er I think it was his friend who wanted to have kids but he didn't want his kids to severe birth defects.
 
J

Jackpot

Banned
BkzUzi said:
How is the friend a prick? His friend obviously wants to have his own kids when he gets married and not everyone wants to adopt.
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Because passing along your own genes is more important than raising a family with the person you love? Adopt.
 
J

Jenov

Member
Loofy said:
..like baldness.

jk so I know a friend of a friend that met the girl of his dreams, so he thought. He was ready to marry this girl so during the holidays he met her family for the first time. Her brother had a severe genetic handicap. I dont know what it was but when he looked it up he found that it was a disease that had a high chance of being passed down to his own kids. Shortly after he broke up with the girl for this reason.

Sounds harsh but I think I may have done the same thing..
Click to expand...

Your friend could have done genetic counseling to help eliminate chances of a defects in a pregnancy or done adoption or donor eggs... seems rather stupid to end it without considering alternatives.
 
A

AlexBasch

Member
Your friend is an asshole.

Anyway, she dodged a bullet. He found a problem and solved it by getting rid of the girl; amazing, truly amazing trouble solving skills.
 
M

Mauricio_Magus

Banned
Madness said:
We'll then you know why you'd never break up with someone with 'bad genes' because it wouldn't affect you. I'm not saying I support the guy here, but saying he's in the wrong here ignores his thoughts, viewpoints, feelings, beliefs. Maybe he wants biological children, maybe children are more important to him than his gf/so, maybe he wasn't willing to overlook possible genetic defects in his children to stay with the person has with. There is no right or wrong here, even if it seems silly or hurtful.

I agree, he's taking a pretty harsh stance, since there was no guarantee his children would even develop the disease. He let potentially the love of his life go away.
Click to expand...

I don't want to have children, it doesn't mean I might change my mind or it might just happen someday.

I just don't think he truly loved the girl if he left her over this, there are alternatives and he took the easy way out.
 
D

David Incorporated Esq.

Member
Soka said:
I think that's reasonable depending on the situation. Your friend sounds like kind of a dick unless he talked this over with the girl and she was adamant about having kids. Here's my thought-process.

1) If I or my partner had a very high chance of passing along a very dangerous genetic defect, I would never want to have us have kids - adopting would be the only thing I'd be comfortable with, I think.
2) If my partner disagreed with me and was adamant about us giving birth to our own kids despite very high genetic odds of a severe illness or disease, I think this would become an irreconcilable difference between us and I don't think we'd work as a couple.

I think this seems quite logical. Now, if the guy didn't discuss it with the girl first, then he's just a dick.
Click to expand...

I'll second this. Dumping her without a conversation would be lousy and indicative that he didn't really care anyway.
 
R

Reset

Member
Jackpot said:
Because passing along your own genes is more important than raising a family with the person you love? Adopt.
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Not everyone wants to adopt.
Also he obviously didn't love her or found raising his own kids is more important to him.
 
F

Fury451

Banned
Busty said:
Your friend also has a gene defect, he's a prick.
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And worst part is there no cure.

You could have two perfectly healthy parents, and experience a genetic anomaly that causes a deformity.

Date someone because you value/love them as a person. If they can't reproduce at all, then consider adoption, but if you want kids, then break up. Not dating someone for a reason like your friend did is hilariously devaluing of an individual, especially with no indication of an actual issue she has. They broke up over a non-existent condition, but it sounds good for her.

BkzUzi said:
How is the friend a prick? His friend obviously wants to have his own kids when he gets married and not everyone wants to adopt.
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Because genes can be a crapshoot. Your odds are better if family history is "pure", but mutations can occur to even "perfect" situations. There's no guarantee she would've had any problems with her own children.
 
M

Madness

Member
Dave Inc. said:
I'll second this. Dumping her without a conversation would be lousy and indicative that he didn't really care anyway.
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How would that make the girl feel though? That she's damaged goods or something? Hey, I don't think I can see you because you have genetic disorders prevalent in your family and I don't want to risk my future kids with you getting these disabilities. Sorry. Have a nice life, I'm outtie. It would be better for both if he just lied and said, I can't be with you anymore, I don't love you. She'll eventually get over it and meet someone who isn't as straight shooting as that guy is, and he'll find whatever genetic goddess he wants for his future children.
 
L

Loofy

Member
suedester said:
The friend is clearly a prick if he didn't discuss it with her. If you don't agree then I'm afraid...
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Im not friends with the person, but from what I know he didnt tell her cause he didnt want to make her feel bad. He made it seem like they were breaking up for other reasons.
 
kamineko

kamineko

Does his best thinking in the flying car
Eh, my once severe mental illness is totally inheritable.

I'm totally stable now. Would feel pretty lousy to get dumped over it.
 
N

nampad

Member
I can see where he is coming from even though it seems harsh to some. If he cares about having his own kids, their health should be his first concern.
 
M

Mr-Joker

Banned
As a profoundly deaf person I have to say that your friend is a git breaking up with a healthy girl for the stake of his non-existent children.

The girl had a lucky escape.
 
P

Philia

Member
I can see how the girl would tell the guy that her brother has lets say something like Huntington's or Treacher Collins and it'd just fly over his head because he has no idea how bad it is.

So he finally meets this brother and sees how bad it is in fucking real life. He looks it up and see the reality of it hitting him in the face of how hereditary it is.

Look at those two up and you can understand. OP needs to mention which disease this is before I would judge his friend's character.

I'm born deaf and supposedly its hereditary. I'm totally fine but let me tell you that near 50% of the time, those kids even with being deaf, having a normal life is a greater reach than normal kids. I would know since I grew up with a lot of deaf kids. Half of them are doing fine today (20 years post high school) while the other half... well, they're living on SSI and doing nothing while living with their parents.

Its not the disability that gets you, its the pure isolation from the society and it fucking sucks. Reality is that a lot of parents are just not equipped with that kind of child rearing.
 
W

WalkMan

Banned
Frecklestein said:
It's all about evolution. Dont mate with the weak, create the perfect specimen
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Right! You have an obligation to your future kin to give them the best possible genes, especially knowing ahead of time that there is a possibility of defect. It's the same principle as dating someone for looks, but now we can go deeper into health issues. Should not be a taboo thing at all.
 
G

Goliath

Member
This always seems stupid to me. There are so many variables when it comes to what you kids genetic make up will be like. Unless both you and your SO are riddled with diseases, the combination of you guys can dilute crappy genetics. Just date outside the family or maybe even a different culture.
 
D

Dali

Member
I don't think this is that crazy. It's a difficult life long obligation that I wouldn't willingly sign up for either.
 
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