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[Fury451]

This always seems stupid to me. There are so many variables when it comes to what you kids genetic make up will be like. Unless both you and your SO are riddled with diseases, the combination of you guys can dilute crappy genetics. Just date outside the family or maybe even a different culture.

Good post. As I mentioned, no guarantees, even with healthy backgrounds.

There's variation even among siblings- know a few where one brother is bald, the other is not. That's a mild example, but it shows the variation.

Another is a son in a family with Downs Syndrome, while the 4 other children have no issues.

 

[lazer_bean]

It's all about evolution. Dont mate with the weak, create the perfect specimen

that's eugenics, not evolution though

 

[The Albatross]

Sounds harsh, but there are certain diseases where doctors strongly encourage you not to have kids. Huntington's Disease, for instance. If you have the gene for Huntington's Disease, I believe that there is a 50/50 chance that your children will have an active gene causing the disease. I could have the numbers off, but it's a worryingly high probability. If kids are very important to you, and you're just starting to date, well, I can see how that would contribute.

 

[squidhands]

How would that make the girl feel though? That she's damaged goods or something? Hey, I don't think I can see you because you have genetic disorders prevalent in your family and I don't want to risk my future kids with you getting these disabilities. Sorry. Have a nice life, I'm outtie. It would be better for both if he just lied and said, I can't be with you anymore, I don't love you. She'll eventually get over it and meet someone who isn't as straight shooting as that guy is, and he'll find whatever genetic goddess he wants for his future children.

You're referring to having an adult conversation about your potential lives together, and your answer is to lie your way out of it. Brilliant.

 

[MikeyB]

Girlfriend has early and serious rheumatoid arthritis. I will likely play a caregiver role in the years to come. There is likely a genetic component.

Don't care. Love her.

 

[Cream]

Anyone here against incest should be on the guy's side, obviously excluding parental cases where it's skewed power dynamic.

 

[Mechazawa]

Let's just put the adoption option aside here. A lot of people would prefer to have their own children, so just saying "Adopt!" doesn't further the discussion.

To the point that they break up with their so-called "girl of his dreams"?

Nah. I understand the adoption process is a pain in the ass, but nah.

 

[Madness]

You're referring to having an adult conversation about your potential lives together, and your answer is to lie your way out of it. Brilliant.

What benefit is it to the girl to know the exact reason he left? Isn't him leaving enough for her to move on? That he didn't want to be with her. Why make her feel as if she is broken, damaged, worthless or devalued just for the sake of 'honesty'.

 

[Rolodzeo]

..like baldness.

jk so I know a friend of a friend that met the girl of his dreams, so he thought. He was ready to marry this girl so during the holidays he met her family for the first time. Her brother had a severe genetic handicap. I dont know what it was but when he looked it up he found that it was a disease that had a high chance of being passed down to his own kids. Shortly after he broke up with the girl for this reason.

Sounds harsh but I think I may have done the same thing..

No, he didn't. If you meet the person of your dreams, you don't let anything to stop you from being with that person, to be happy and keep living just for the joy of making her/him smile again once more.

Trust me.

 

[maxcriden]

Anyone here against incest should be on the guy's side, obviously excluding parental cases where it's skewed power dynamic.

I don't understand. How does being against incest mean I should be on the guy's side?

 

[E92 M3]

It's cold-blooded, but doesn't necessarily make him a prick. Some people like to calculate everything out.

 

[Cream]

I don't understand. How does being against incest mean I should be on the guy's side?

Not in all cases of course, but on GAF I always see a lot of people argue against incest because of risk of genetic defects, then we get into the weird argument if people with mental retardation should be allowed to have kids.

I was just noting the similarities. Not trying to make a point

 

[Reset]

I don't understand. How does being against incest mean I should be on the guy's side?

There's a higher chance of your kids having birth defects/disease if you have a kid with a member of your family...

 

[FZZ]

Your friend sounds superficial as fuck

 

[JoseTheTaco]

Wtf what a piece of shit it's 2015 we can choose genes and shit

 

[InfiniteBento]

Your friend is an asshole.

 

[David Incorporated Esq.]

To the point that they break up with their so-called "girl of his dreams"?

Nah. I understand the adoption process is a pain in the ass, but nah.

If you don't share the same values as the guy you're in no position to judge. Like the person saying they don't want kids at all saying he couldn't agree with the guy...well no shit.

Person A: My favorite color is red so I want to buy a red car.
Person B: I don't care about a car's color, so only buying a red car is stupid.

Thanks, Person B with different personal values, for adding nothing.

 

[maxcriden]

Not in all cases of course, but on GAF I always see a lot of people argue against incest because of risk of genetic defects, then we get into the weird argument if people with mental retardation should be allowed to have kids.

I was just noting the similarities. Not trying to make a point

I see. I just didn't see how it connected to this particular case. I don't know that it's really similar to me personally but I see where you're coming from.

There's a higher chance of your kids having birth defects/disease if you have a kid with a member of your family...

Well, sure, but I didn't think anyone was arguing for incest here.

 

[Madness]

that's eugenics, not evolution though

The science behind Eugenics was sound before the Nazi's perverted the movement with their racial purity and superiority crap. It was literally about advancing human development through selective or controlled breeding to enhance favorable characteristics and eliminate unfavorable ones, like certain disorders or predispositions to disease.

Another key difference is, the state should never practice eugenics itself, because of the moral and legal implications, but I can honestly see a future where it returns Gattaca style. Private corporations allow citizens to pick and choose how their children will be.

Also, how is artifical insemination any different then?You're choosing what sperm to use on the basis of what the father is like, what their personality or occupation is like along with their appearance, and what traits will be passed down, essentially selectively controlling the breeding of humans no?

 

[JoseTheTaco]

To the point that they break up with their so-called "girl of his dreams"?

Nah. I understand the adoption process is a pain in the ass, but nah.

Theirs also surrogates and designer babies

 

[Zoe]

Adopting is not like going to Wal Mart and picking up a kid. It's an agonizing process.

Seriously. It took my friend many years, a lot of heartache, and a small fortune to finally be able to adopt.

Wtf what a piece of shit it's 2015 we can choose genes and shit

Not really.

 

[shira]

..like baldness.

jk so I know a friend of a friend that met the girl of his dreams, so he thought. He was ready to marry this girl so during the holidays he met her family for the first time. Her brother had a severe genetic handicap. I dont know what it was but when he looked it up he found that it was a disease that had a high chance of being passed down to his own kids. Shortly after he broke up with the girl for this reason.

Sounds harsh but I think I may have done the same thing..

What is your number?

 

[JoseTheTaco]

Seriously. It took my friend many years, a lot of heartache, and a small fortune to finally be able to adopt.


Not really.

My wording was shitty what I mean is there options if your own genes are shit

 

[cDNA]

There is Genetic Counseling for this cases, the counselor discuss the options with the couple.

 

[BamfMeat]

If you don't share the same values as the guy you're in no position to judge. Like the person saying they don't want kids at all saying he couldn't agree with the guy...well no shit.

Person A: My favorite color is red so I want to buy a red car.
Person B: I don't care about a car's color, so only buying a red car is stupid.

Thanks, Person B with different personal values, for adding nothing.

This is absolutely incorrect.

I don't have to be a member of the westboro baptist church to judge them and their values.

 

[dcdobson]

My serious girlfriend has a LOT of cancer in her family. I'd like to marry her one day, but I understand why some people would consider this to be a dealbreaker.

 

[TheOMan]

Your friend also has a gene defect, he's a prick.

Well, not genetic (so thankfully his kids won't be predisposed to it), but I get your point.

 

[triplestation]

Your friend also has a gene defect, he's a prick.

.

 

[FrontalMonk]

genetic testing is absolutely a thing this day and age. You can find out all kinds of information about the fetus at around the 12 week mark, which can inform your decision.

basically dude thought he did his research, didn't actually, and threw away someone he probably actually cared about because he was stupid.

 

[Jenov]

Would be funny if it was a step brother. Twist!

Regardless, using a Google search as the basis for ending a relationship with the supposed "love of his life" seems really, really stupid. He must think the internet is always right. Sounds like the girl is better off improving her own gene pool with someone more intelligent anyways.

 

[Heaven's Thunder Hammer]

I'm not sure how many people here are actually parents raising kids. I have 3, and it's a LOT of work. One kid with a severe handicap can be the work of 2 or 3 kids, just by themselves. (Obviously, some disabilities are not so time consuming for the parents.)

I have read instances where one child's needs are so demanding that the parents actually neglect the other children in the family.

No - this friend dodged a bullet.

It's not NICE to admit that you don't want to raise a disabled kid, which is what everyone here is upset about. This guy just had the temerity to stick up for himself and make a logical/rational decision instead of an emotional decision. "Love" is not some panacea that lasts forever and makes your problems in life go away.

There lots of fish in the sea and no one is obligated to date, marry and procreate with the "person of their dreams" if a huge red flag comes up. Which did. And this guy acted on it.

 

[wenis]

Not really odd, he's playing by the rules of survival of the fittest. Good for him for being able to get early foresight before committing - his future offspring will appreciate it.

basically. he has just as much say in what the future holds for himself and his potential kids. good for him.

 

[injurai]

If I truly loved someone I would marry them despite this. Adoption is always an option.

I don't see anything wrong with trying to irk out genetic disabilities from the human gene pool. It just needs to be done ethically. Not that he did anything unethical, but he must have not loved her as much as he thought he did.

 

[BamfMeat]

I'm not sure how many people here are actually parents raising kids. I have 3, and it's a LOT of work. One kid with a severe handicap is about the work of 2 or 3 kids, just by themselves.

I have read instances where one child's needs are so demanding that the parents actually neglect the other children in the family.

No - this friend dodged a bullet.

It's not NICE to admit that you don't want to raise a disabled kid, which is what everyone here is upset about. This guy just had the temerity to stick up for himself and make a logical/rational decision instead of an emotional decision.

There lots of fish in the sea and no one is obligated to date, marry and procreate with the "person of their dreams" if a huge red flag comes up. Which did. And this acted on it.

Obviously then it's not the person of his dreams, now is it?

Also, he may or may not have dodged a bullet. There's no guarantee that the kid would have had issues. It's one of many factors that make up a kid.

He gave up his "perfect" out of fear of a "maybe".

 

[Rhomega Beta]

I have male pattern baldness and Alzheimer's in my genes.

 

[David Incorporated Esq.]

This is absolutely incorrect.

I don't have to be a member of the westboro baptist church to judge them and their values.

You can disagree with their values but in evaluating their decisions you have to account for them. And there's a world of difference between expressing negative values in a horrible way and letting your personal values impact your personal life. If the guy was outside a hospital for special needs children protesting the existence of said children you might have a point.

Besides, with regards to this issue, the discussion flat ends as soon as you say "Adopt". Okay good idea, you're right, let's not talk about the ethics of having children with someone where the risk of inherited defects is significant.

 

[Jak140]

If you wouldn't marry a partner you are physically unattracted to, it's hypocritical to judge this guy for choosing his partner on the basis of genes since you are essentially doing the same thing.

 

[Cimarron]

That is really odd to me. Sounds like she dodged a bullet. so she's damaged goods for reproduction based on the family genetic history? Why not adopt?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to adopt or wanting to produce healthy children of your own. At least he did this before he married her.

 

[kmax]

Sounds like it was the girl in question who dodged the bullet.

 

[JMDSO]

Sounds like the friend is a jerk AND a liar.

 

[E92 M3]

If you wouldn't marry a partner you aren't physically attracted to, it's hypocritical to judge this guy for choosing his partner on the basis of genes since you are essentially doing the same thing.

Yeah, I agree.

 

[CadetMahoney]

next up:

gaining weight mid-thrities and hair-loss.

 

[Fury451]

If you wouldn't marry a partner you are physically unattracted to, it's hypocritical to judge this guy for choosing his partner on the basis of genes since you are essentially doing the same thing.

Why would someone be with a partner they weren't physically attracted to to begin with?

In this context, where choice is an option.

He gave up his "perfect" out of fear of a "maybe".

This is the point. There could be problems even with perfect health histories.

 

[LelouchViBritannia]

Your friend also has a gene defect, he's a prick.

Your friend sounds superficial as fuck

Your friend is an asshole.

Sounds like it was the girl in question who dodged the bullet.

Nailed it perfectly.

 

[Harmen]

..like baldness.

jk so I know a friend of a friend that met the girl of his dreams, so he thought. He was ready to marry this girl so during the holidays he met her family for the first time. Her brother had a severe genetic handicap. I dont know what it was but when he looked it up he found that it was a disease that had a high chance of being passed down to his own kids. Shortly after he broke up with the girl for this reason.

Sounds harsh but I think I may have done the same thing..

If you are at a point of considering marriage, you can at least talk this trough and look at the options with professionals.

There are often ways to circumvent passing on severe genetic disorders. If it is a chromosomal deletion or translocation for example, healthy fertilized cells can be selected in a lab and used for IVF. Furthermore, as for doing it the natural way: From the parental genesets, chances can be evaluated in advance. Let's say there is a 50% chance for passing along a healthy geneset, one could prepare for that, monitor the outcome and consider abortion in advance.

But I am sure this girl can find a guy who cares enough for her to do so (and deserves that). Sounds to me she is better off without your friend based on your post.

 

[aku:jiki]

I don't see how this guy is a prick. He's allowed to treasure and value the thought of having kids.

Deciding not to risk creating a disabled kid you know you can't handle is a lot more responsible than creating the kid and then figuring out you can't handle it, IMO.

 

[esms]

I've come to the conclusion that, if I do end up having biological kids, they are so totally fucked disease-wise. I've made my peace with that.

Having said that, I think this guy is well within his rights to break up with a chick over something like that. It's definitely selfish, but I can understand the decision and the reasoning behind it.

 

[Dan]

I think it's pretty dumb that he jumped all way from "she may or may not possess an unfortunate gene that may or may not be passed onto her children" to cutting off the whole relationship.

Like, even if you're going to be adamant about having your children, you can actually do more than some Google searches to become informed about the situation.

 

[Zoe]

genetic testing is absolutely a thing this day and age. You can find out all kinds of information about the fetus at around the 12 week mark, which can inform your decision.

basically dude thought he did his research, didn't actually, and threw away someone he probably actually cared about because he was stupid.

And when that 12 week test unveils something they don't want?

You say that as if it's as easy as flipping a switch and saying "welp, better luck next time".

 

[tokkun]

Your friend sounds superficial as fuck

Isn't this like literally the opposite of superficiality?