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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
- Status
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
"That's a nice long boner you have there"
Thanks I've been working out.
"Well I was told to stop trying to be subtle."
Actually, now that I think about it, I have to see if I even have a swimsuit. Last I recall, I only have one that I could've sworn was my dad's, and that's a bit big on me.
Don't do this.
May I ask why? Wouldn't saying something like "My, you look cute/sexy/good in that" be showing interest & letting her know that I find her attractive?
Or would doing so via swimsuit sound too much like a perv?
IMO, people are always a little bit insecure, especially in a swimsuit. I'd drop a compliment the moment you see her at the beginning of the date, not about her appearance, but perhaps an accessory like a necklace or earrings (but don't lie if they aren't nice looking). Something to the effect of "Those are some beautiful earrings" instead of "You look good with those earrings." The first compliments their sense of style and subtly gets the point across that they look nice without making the person an object. Take this with a grain of salt as I haven't had a date in six months.
Then again, if she asks, there's no harm in letting her know she looks sexy.
radioactivez0r
Member
I hope you stick to this. If I had to guess (and I do), she already made her decision, and is keeping you on the leash in case it doesn't work out.
That's a very valid point. I was actually thinking of complimenting her on the second date, but I could've sworn she wore almost the same outfit as last time. Something in me felt that if I said anything now, she might've thought "oh so he noticed NOW instead of the last time I wore it?" but I think that was another "overthinking" situation to which I'm having less of.
But yes, I was told to compliment early on in the date instead of later because if you wait, it shows you didn't notice earlier. I'll take your advice into consideration as well. I just want to (honestly) show that in addition to caring about her as a person (she's nice and smart and I feel like we have similar values in life), I also find her attractive. Though after high school, I care more about a girl's attitude & personality than her looks. Attractiveness is more of a bonus when she's nice and has similar interests.
& don't worry. Before now, I haven't dated in about 3 years.
My experience having my heart broken time and time again, tells me it's never a good ideia to be subtle or hold back. (well, you shouldn't say you want to marry her after the first date, but you got my point)
Well, I dunno. You're right, most people are going to feel insecure in a swimsuit (I know I do), but a compliment can go a long way to ease those insecurities, especially if it's someone they want to be in a relationship with.
It probably just depends on how it's executed. As long as the person feels the compliment was genuine, then they'll be happy for the compliment. If they thought the other was being sarcastic or whatever, it'll make things worse.
Do what you think's best Zonic. As long as you don't follow your avatar's actions, you should be fine.
She'll be half naked in front of you. Don't be awkward. Don't compliment her body unless you're absolutely sure she won't think it's creepy. Be confident in yourself and your swimsuit and she'll see that over any raging boner that may ensue. Ok probably not.
Also, do as many sit-ups as you can an hour or so before you go
Also, do as many sit-ups as you can an hour or so before you go
It's funny how a first date can go really well and then a second date goes okay but the spark is gone. Maybe there wasn't a spark to begin with, but it's strange when things shift. It's been a couple days without a word from her so I guess we both just mutually felt the same. She also dropped the fact that she has kids on the second date so I was a little taken aback by that.
I'm just sick of being single at this point, I just went pretty ham on OkCupid and sent like 5-7 interesting girls messages. Hopefully something will come of one of them. There's also a really cute and funny barista where I work and we've hung out before with other work people but I don't know really how to approach that. I know my dream girl is out there somewhere but things have been dead ends and rather uneventful lately.
I'm just sick of being single at this point, I just went pretty ham on OkCupid and sent like 5-7 interesting girls messages. Hopefully something will come of one of them. There's also a really cute and funny barista where I work and we've hung out before with other work people but I don't know really how to approach that. I know my dream girl is out there somewhere but things have been dead ends and rather uneventful lately.
I sort of had that happen to me back in 2012. First two dates (both of which were dinner & a movie) went well. The third consisted of dinner, ice skating, & then roller skating, but I could sense that things weren't going to work out. It was then I learned that she saw me as a "younger brother" (I think she was only a year older than me), I was second choice compared to someone else we both knew, & that I should "ask my dad on how to be boyfriend material". Looking back, I'm honestly glad things didn't work out (she was kind of a jerk as well). At the very least, I can see it as a learning experience.
That's why I've been trying hard to do my best to not screw up with the girl I'm seeing now. I really don't want that spark to go away.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Two questions that I'll crowdsource -- but initially, I've been seeing a girl for about a month now. I can't even estimate how many dates it's been at this point: maybe something like 10-12? Everything's going well (and we fixed our little intimacy hangups once we talked about each other's kinks, which, by the way, everyone should do, because it can make things amazing), and we're basically defaulting to spending at least one weeknight and more time during the weekend together.
So, the questions. First, it's her birthday this week. We're still not officially "together," as we've not had that talk, although neither of us is seeing anyone else. Was thinking flowers delivered to her place on Thursday, as I'm seeing her Wednesday after work, then Friday for a birthday gathering. (Oh, and flatware. She needs flatware for a new apartment. Kind of a gag gift, but wholly practical, and she likes cooking for me and we ran out of forks/spoons last time. Thoughts?)
Second, how exactly do you have the exclusivity talk? We had a precursor to it weeks ago, when we both agreed that we weren't "there" yet. But things have progressed since then. We're both professional adults, so the idea of "be my girlfriend!" sounds utterly silly to me ... but at the same time, I want to see where this goes.
So, the questions. First, it's her birthday this week. We're still not officially "together," as we've not had that talk, although neither of us is seeing anyone else. Was thinking flowers delivered to her place on Thursday, as I'm seeing her Wednesday after work, then Friday for a birthday gathering. (Oh, and flatware. She needs flatware for a new apartment. Kind of a gag gift, but wholly practical, and she likes cooking for me and we ran out of forks/spoons last time. Thoughts?)
Second, how exactly do you have the exclusivity talk? We had a precursor to it weeks ago, when we both agreed that we weren't "there" yet. But things have progressed since then. We're both professional adults, so the idea of "be my girlfriend!" sounds utterly silly to me ... but at the same time, I want to see where this goes.
Simple. Just tell her you really like her and like hanging out with her and you'd like to take this to the next level.
The gifts and flowers sound fine. Nice lead in to your asking her as well.
Have a 2nd date with girl today after work. Not much time since I sleep at like 11, but we're gonna grab food (nowhere nice, probably chipotle equivalent) then go on a short hike and back to my place where she wants to play against me in Mortal Kombat.
Maybe we'll watch a movie after, because Mortal Kombat is far from romantic. She initially thought coming over to my place was rude (I live with my brother) but I assured her it wasn't, as my guest. I told her she didn't have to come over if she felt uncomfortable and I totally understood, but she insisted she wanted to.
We'll see where it goes.
Maybe we'll watch a movie after, because Mortal Kombat is far from romantic. She initially thought coming over to my place was rude (I live with my brother) but I assured her it wasn't, as my guest. I told her she didn't have to come over if she felt uncomfortable and I totally understood, but she insisted she wanted to.
We'll see where it goes.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Heh, reminds me that Wedding Crashers was on TV yesterday.
"I think we should take our relationship to the next level."
"You want to see me with a girl? How about those twins we met at the ball game?"
"Well, I was thinking more of an engagement, but the twins sound like a great idea too."
grap3fruitman
Banned
So I went from getting zero attention to tons of attention from women and now I don't know how to deal with women noticing me. Help.
I don't understand what this means.
Just be a boss at everything you do.
Eh, I let her sleep at my place last night because she don't anywhere else to be. This is not her home country. Yet I'm annoyed at her. She even brought a Sunset sandwhich this time.
I have had all of her stuff here for days, and I'm gonna tell her to leave WITH all of her stuff. I have had it stored in the stock room since I broke up with her.
I have had all of her stuff here for days, and I'm gonna tell her to leave WITH all of her stuff. I have had it stored in the stock room since I broke up with her.
Should have told her to go to that "boyfriend" of hers. Frankly, it's not you problem if she has "nowhere to go"--she clearly had somewhere to go these other few nights (and even before then), why the sudden cry of "oh no I got nowhere to go"? Don't let her have her way, and once she gets her stuff, you should cut contact with her completely. Like 'don't answer the door if she comes knocking' type of cutting contact.
Oh, you also might want to threaten to throw the stuff out if she acts like it's a big deal for her to get it. She's probably using that as leverage, as she can come over and be like "oh you have my stuff" to get inside and get to you.
The Cretan
Member
I need your advice, guys. There is a really beautiful girl in my university, I wanted to talk to her but I didn't have the chance. Finally, I met her through my friend's friends. The first two times I talked to her she was with her friends and she didn't speak much. Yesterday, I saw her and she was alone, so I talked to her and we had a nice conversation. Typical stuff, like classes and professors and where we are from.
My question is: should I ask her to go out together for a coffee the next time I will see her alone, or will it be too early? An important thing is university exams are in two weeks. After that, we will return to our homes and I will see her again on October.
My question is: should I ask her to go out together for a coffee the next time I will see her alone, or will it be too early? An important thing is university exams are in two weeks. After that, we will return to our homes and I will see her again on October.
Should have asked her that first conversation you had. Ask next time, and don't wait until she's alone, you can ask to speak with her in private.
Listen to this, Madridista.
It is definitely not too early. Also since you talked once, you could say that you though she was interesting the last time you talked and that you'd like to get to know her better.
The Cretan
Member
Thanks for the answers. I have only one hesitation. If I ask her to talk to her in private, isn't there a chance for her to think that I want to say to her that I like her and that will scare her? I mean, I do like her, but I want to say that to her in the right moment. Maybe my question is stupid, but I am not experienced on that stuff.
That's the whole point, really. You are expressing interest. Be clear with your intentions.
Trust me, you don't want her thinking you are just friends hanging out.
The Cretan
Member
Scheduling can be tough if she has full custody. But they are usually way more casual and looking to have fun at least in the beginning. It's also nice to not deal with the pressure of someone desperate to have a child.
The Cretan
Member
Update: She was sitting in the auditorium alone, I didn't sit next to her, although I could, but I talked for a bit with her when she was outside with her friend.
Just before the end of the break, her friend went to the bathroom, so it was me and her, and before going to the auditorium I said: "[Her name] do you want to go out for a coffee? To get to know each other better." She didn't reply immediately and I think she didn't look positive, she looked skeptical maybe to what I said, so I said: "Although I don't know if you have time because of studying" and she said: "I am pressed because I'm studying, we will talk the next week", so I said: "Ok, we will talk" and I left.
I don't think she likes me, because if she does, she would say yes. Also, note that while she was talking to her friend (before I asked her to go out for a coffee), I think she said that she won't come or she thinks about not to come to the university the next week, but I'm not sure about that. What do you think? I think it's better to forget her, but I would like to hear your opinion.
Just before the end of the break, her friend went to the bathroom, so it was me and her, and before going to the auditorium I said: "[Her name] do you want to go out for a coffee? To get to know each other better." She didn't reply immediately and I think she didn't look positive, she looked skeptical maybe to what I said, so I said: "Although I don't know if you have time because of studying" and she said: "I am pressed because I'm studying, we will talk the next week", so I said: "Ok, we will talk" and I left.
I don't think she likes me, because if she does, she would say yes. Also, note that while she was talking to her friend (before I asked her to go out for a coffee), I think she said that she won't come or she thinks about not to come to the university the next week, but I'm not sure about that. What do you think? I think it's better to forget her, but I would like to hear your opinion.
Big Papa Husker
Member
If she doesn't, at least you worked up the courage to ask her. It's better to know for sure than to wonder what she would have said if you hadn't have asked.
stn
Member
Her pause was a result of nervousness, probably due to discomfort. Yeah, I doubt she's interested. Sorry man! I have one tip for next time. You know how you said "although I don't know if you have time because of studying"? Avoid things like that, it shows that you're uncertain of your own request.
I would have handled your situation slightly differently. If it were me I would have written my number down and given it to her in front of her friends, as you mentioned that's who she was with last time. Here's why. People in general feel more comfortable when around friends, as opposed to being caught alone. It would have been easier to reject or accept your invite based on that alone. Also, you would have piqued the interest of any other female friends she might have had around. Its never a bad idea to flirt with a girl in the presence of others, use it to your advantage.
The Cretan
Member
Props for working up the courage man. I'd still follow up.
Majority of people don't even get to your step, including myself sometimes. It's easy to give advice but it's much harder to follow.
Man... I need help dealing with anxiety,
I can't get hard like 85% of times the first time I'm going to be having sex with a new girl. Don't know if you guys recall my post from a few days ago. I had sex with the girl on Sunday and yesterday, and both days I kept losing my boner, it sucks. I'm completely calm pretty much every time around girls but when I'm about to do it, my head keeps messing with me. By the time I'm with the girl a few times, it usually sorts itself out but I lost a few girls because of it, not everyone is willing to "wait".
The one thing I haven't tried yet is smoke some weed before. I'll try it next time.
I can't get hard like 85% of times the first time I'm going to be having sex with a new girl. Don't know if you guys recall my post from a few days ago. I had sex with the girl on Sunday and yesterday, and both days I kept losing my boner, it sucks. I'm completely calm pretty much every time around girls but when I'm about to do it, my head keeps messing with me. By the time I'm with the girl a few times, it usually sorts itself out but I lost a few girls because of it, not everyone is willing to "wait".
The one thing I haven't tried yet is smoke some weed before. I'll try it next time.
I'd see a doctor about this. If you aren't overweight and don't have other circulatory issues, it probably is anxiety, but that is still treatable if you are so inclined.
So I wanted to mumble some of my thoughts and see if ya'll had any comments.
Started seeing this girl a little over a week ago and the three dates we've had have been fantastic. Only problem is she responds very sparingly to text messages. I know she's quite the social butterfly and plans lots of things with friends, and when we're out she doesn't check her phone much, so it's probably an extension of that. I'd like a reply more often than every 9+ hours though! xP
Wonder if I should bring this up or if it's more something to discuss when we've been seeing each other longer. Not sure if I'm being overly attached by wanting a lot of text communication. I was getting super paranoid since she didn't give a clear answer to my date invite the other day, but it turns out she went camping and then her phone died and the date went great.
I know there's no hard and fast rule for dating, just figured I could use something other than the echo chamber of my mind and the friend I talked to about it.
Started seeing this girl a little over a week ago and the three dates we've had have been fantastic. Only problem is she responds very sparingly to text messages. I know she's quite the social butterfly and plans lots of things with friends, and when we're out she doesn't check her phone much, so it's probably an extension of that. I'd like a reply more often than every 9+ hours though! xP
Wonder if I should bring this up or if it's more something to discuss when we've been seeing each other longer. Not sure if I'm being overly attached by wanting a lot of text communication. I was getting super paranoid since she didn't give a clear answer to my date invite the other day, but it turns out she went camping and then her phone died and the date went great.
I know there's no hard and fast rule for dating, just figured I could use something other than the echo chamber of my mind and the friend I talked to about it.
Does she work/have a job? My friend said she was gonna be busy all week, so I'm gonna take her word as to why it's been a few days since she last texted since it usually is once per day/every other day.
Plus I feel like if I don't trust her, it'll just result to me overthinking again & getting worried over what is most likely nothing.
Plus I feel like if I don't trust her, it'll just result to me overthinking again & getting worried over what is most likely nothing.
She does work on weekends, freelance work. I'm not sure if she's just not a big texter or something. Just feels weird since we talk a ton in person
People are different about these things. I don't really know if I could be with someone that was out of sync with my texting rhythm. It's a thing that'd slowly push the relationship off balance, since if she texts you too little, you'll be left feeling not as wanted, needing affirmation. That could lead you to texting more, which would exacerbate the situation. Conversely, you might think "OK, I'll just not text her until she texts me", and we all know what horrible feeling that can lead to.
It's not a thing which should be overlooked. Bringing it up might be detrimental, however, fi you do find a nice approach to it, it might shed light on the situation for you in a way that can help you relax. Just remember that it's nothing to feel silly about.
Smoking would just be self-medication. How about seeing a therapist about it?
False Witness
Member
So, I've realized that I don't have a problem with dating. Relationships are my main issue. Quite frankly, I'm kind of a selfish homebody. Oh, and I'm still in love with my wife, fiancee, or whatever. Sorry, it gets confusing considering we had a small ceremony, but never turned in our papers or had a ceremony in front of family.
EDIT: To clarify, she left me a while ago. I'm not dating people on the side or anything.
EDIT: To clarify, she left me a while ago. I'm not dating people on the side or anything.
I mentioned in the online dating thread that I was talking to two guys and hoping one might be a good match, going on dates with them, etc. I'm updating here because... er... I dunno. This was the thread I had open, or something, haha.
Anyway, on Monday I went with the first guy. He was super cool, and quite intelligent, and we had very similar interests. We talked for a good 3 hours. I had an enjoyable time, but I had trouble telling if he did, and I wasn't sure if I felt a romantic spark. It'd be cool to be friends with him, but... in the world of online dating, we all know what people think when you say 'you want to be friends'. We also haven't texted after that night (he texted a little after the date briefly), so who knows. I should actually text him...
The other guy, though, went far better. I actually first met him in person on Wednesday before the date briefly, as he was chilling with a friend somewhere... a good move on his part to invite me even though I could only go for an hour, as the date was going to be me going to his place so he could teach me how to cook something. So on Thursday we did that, and we hit it off really well. I ended up staying the night (no sex, just cuddles), so I'm thinking it went well on both ends. Keeping my excitement tempered after last time (lol), though, I'll see how the next meetup goes. He's coming over to my place on Saturday since I'm having a party (hey, he insisted, lol; I know that's kinda weird for a "second date"), so he'll have to deal with my crazy ass friends. We'll see how that goes.
It's because it's not about online dating specifically and I really am that anal.
Anyway, on Monday I went with the first guy. He was super cool, and quite intelligent, and we had very similar interests. We talked for a good 3 hours. I had an enjoyable time, but I had trouble telling if he did, and I wasn't sure if I felt a romantic spark. It'd be cool to be friends with him, but... in the world of online dating, we all know what people think when you say 'you want to be friends'.
We also haven't texted after that night (he texted a little after the date briefly), so who knows. I should actually text him...The other guy, though, went far better. I actually first met him in person on Wednesday before the date briefly, as he was chilling with a friend somewhere... a good move on his part to invite me even though I could only go for an hour, as the date was going to be me going to his place so he could teach me how to cook something. So on Thursday we did that, and we hit it off really well. I ended up staying the night (no sex, just cuddles), so I'm thinking it went well on both ends. Keeping my excitement tempered after last time (lol), though, I'll see how the next meetup goes. He's coming over to my place on Saturday since I'm having a party (hey, he insisted, lol; I know that's kinda weird for a "second date"), so he'll have to deal with my crazy ass friends. We'll see how that goes.
Thanks for the perspective Sept. Makes me feel more normal about it. It does make me feel unwanted, particularly when I send a date invite yesterday at noon and I still haven't heard back! Makes me want to give up, but then if keeping with the past few dates she'll reply later today and we'll end up going and it'll be a great time. I'll probably have to talk to her about it, good practice to bring up hangups like this in a light manner anyway since communicating problems before they become a big deal has been something I've failed at in the past.
I'm not overweight, my health is pretty much perfect according to the last time I checked everything.
Yeah, you guys are right, I'll talk to a doctor about it.
I mentioned in the online dating thread that I was talking to two guys and hoping one might be a good match, going on dates with them, etc. I'm updating here because... er... I dunno. This was the thread I had open, or something, haha.It's because it's not about online dating specifically and I really am that anal.
Anyway, on Monday I went with the first guy. He was super cool, and quite intelligent, and we had very similar interests. We talked for a good 3 hours. I had an enjoyable time, but I had trouble telling if he did, and I wasn't sure if I felt a romantic spark. It'd be cool to be friends with him, but... in the world of online dating, we all know what people think when you say 'you want to be friends'.
The other guy, though, went far better. I actually first met him in person on Wednesday before the date briefly, as he was chilling with a friend somewhere... a good move on his part to invite me even though I could only go for an hour, as the date was going to be me going to his place so he could teach me how to cook something. So on Thursday we did that, and we hit it off really well. I ended up staying the night (no sex, just cuddles), so I'm thinking it went well on both ends. Keeping my excitement tempered after last time (lol), though, I'll see how the next meetup goes. He's coming over to my place on Saturday since I'm having a party (hey, he insisted, lol; I know that's kinda weird for a "second date"), so he'll have to deal with my crazy ass friends. We'll see how that goes.
What do you mean "we all know what people think when you say 'you want to be friends'"? It seems you'd rather dart the issue, than be upfront with him about the fact that you don't feel a romantic spark. Especially considering you've hit it off well with another guy, I see no reason to complicate things by talking with a guy you don't feel anything towards. Let him know you don't feel the spark, but remember that that doesn't necessarily warrant that you'll be friends, or the need to say the friends "But we can still be friends". Just let him know you think he's a cool guy, but you don't feel a romantic spark. Maybe he feels the same.
Feel free to be assertive about it. I'd consider saying something like "So, this is the second time you've replied really late to my invitation. It's kind of rude, because it locks up my plans for the night while I'm waiting for a reply from you". By saying that, you show her that this is not about you catering to her every whim, and that your time should be respected. It is rude not to let someone know if you are gonna go or not.
Nah, I just meant that when people get the "I wanna be friends" response, they tend to think that the other person is trying to skirt around the issue of "I'm not interested" while trying to be nice about it. Either way I will tell him how I feel (as it's a jerk move not to, tbh), I was just mentioning that I would be honest if I said that whole friends thing, but I doubt it'd be seen the same way from the other side. xD
But yeah, you're right, I don't even really need to mention that part; I'll just (more or less) tell him what you said. :3
You think 9 hrs is bad? Try 2-3 days
Anyway, I broke it off with that one because she was a robot (and her excuse was 'I just don't check the phone lol' - paraphrasing)- Status