Thanks for the response. I've done the autopilot thing in generic polite conversation before, but it still causes me quite a bit of anxiety and it tends to feel like I'm saying the things I think will make the person go away the fastest without being rude. I suppose a retail job would force me to grow accustomed to it but it still terrifies me.
My parents do know about my anxiety, but it can be difficult to make them really understand what it entails, even though they try. I've been diagnosed and I'm currently taking Xanax and Zoloft. I've bounced around between therapists over the years, but I'm not currently seeing one because I became kind of disillusioned with the whole thing. I'll probably look into setting something up again though.
What about the previous therapy experiences were unsatisfactory, if you don't mind me asking?
Also, if the Zoloft / Xanax combo isn't adequately treating your anxiety the good news is that there are tons upon tons of medication options for anxiety out there, and chances are one (or more!) of them will work for you.
Do you feel the Zoloft & Xanax are helpful? Are you seeing a psychiatrist?
And, yes, I know I'm "only" 32 and there's "still plenty of time to turn things around." And, I'm trying. But still, I've messed up the past 14 years just about as badly as I possibly could have. I know I can't live them over and do them a different way. But darn do I ever wish that I could. It would be pretty much impossible to have made things any worse than I did.
I can't kill myself. I know that. My cats need me, if nothing else. But darn do I ever wish I were dead.
I'm going to end up telling you what you already know to a certain extent here and there's simply to way to avoid that. It sounds as though you define your life (and what could have been about your life) through your career and true, by that metric, you have not hit the marks you were striving for. To define an entire life by career success, though, is to view it quite two dimensionally - we are and can be so much more than what we do for work. There are a whole host of other things you could do that would be fulfilling, other pursuits you could take up that could be rewarding, and other methods by which you could deem your life a success or failure. In the most basic respect, given the amount of health setbacks you've dealt with, you are a success - you've survived! However, humans are complex creatures than those which pin their success or failure to simple survival.
So, yes, what I'm saying is, to some extent, that there's "still plenty of time to turn things around." You can spend forever trying to go back in time but you'll never get there. You don't get a do-over. Neither do I. Neither does anyone. The longer we spend obsessing over the past the less time we spend steering our future.
You do have plenty of time, but I wouldn't even think of it as time to "turn things around" as that's not the issue, as I see it. You have plenty of time to redefine yourself, your life, your pursuits, your happiness. What is fulfilling to you? What feels purposeful? Surely there must be something beyond one career path. Maybe you haven't found it yet. But you can.
Does that make sense?
Things feel weird right now. My body is pushing me towards productivity but my brain doesn't know what to do with that. I'm trying to manipulate myself into using the extra time to go to the gym and fix myself up.
The thing is, from an economic standpoint everything seems fine. I have a part time job (for now) and I'm in college. Even health wise I'm not that bad. Certainly nothing unfixable. And these are the things that people bring up to me when I'm at a low point. But they're also not the main issue. The main issue is from a social standpoint: I feel like garbage for not being able to form lasting bonds with people as easily as I used to, and my desire to do better us tangled up in my doubts of whether or not that's even possible. Everything that makes socializing easy (common interests, most importantly) seems lost to me.
Sounds like "things" in life are fine but the things that are not "things" are where there's difficulty. I haven't got any simple advice on how to relate to human beings better - it's something we all struggle with - but I am sure that many others are struggling with feelings of disconnectednesss as well.
Do you have any close friends at the moment? Do you still keep in touch with any close friends from the past?
I'm currently in NYC for the weekend visiting my best friend, whom I don't get to see too often. I'm usually in a good mood when I'm in NYC, but this time is different.
Today we did a lot, we went to the metropolitan museum of art, went to Times Square, and walked around a lot in the city, usually that would make me happy because I love NYC and everything it has to offer, but that's why I wasn't enjoying myself, I was doing nothing of the many things NYC has to offer.
If the lens through which you're viewing the content of your life is clouded even the brightest content may not be able to lighten things up. I hope your trip went as well as it realistically could!
I just don't find drinking fun anymore, though. I used to only do it two to three times a month, and now only do once every one or two months with him. But I'm too into my head that I can't get drunk anymore, and it makes my depression/loneliness worse.
For what it's worth, I stopped drinking almost two years ago. People act like it was this big, monumental thing I did, but honestly, I just had one too many experiences where I ended up sad and lonely after a night of drinking and was miserable. Press the button and get shocked enough times and even a labrat will stop pressing the button.
What I learned: alcohol is like taking out a loan on happiness. It's fun while it lasts but you have to pay it back. With interest.
As I got older my interest rate got higher and higher and I just couldn't afford it any more.
By not drinking you don't miss out on much - you'll save money, your mental health will be better, people will like that you can DD, and over time you learn how to interact in drunken situations even when you're sober (just sorta lose your inhibitions on purpose!). My friends were weird about it for a bit but they all got used to it once they saw that I wasn't judging them for drinking, I just didn't want to.
I'm always a little bit suicidal but man, this month has been rough. I just keep thinking that everyone would be better off without me.
I completely disagree (of course). Even through the limited medium of a
video game forum (!) you've offered me a sense of togetherness and some absolutely beautiful music. I can only imagine what you offer those with whom you are in closer proximity.
Please let me know if there's anything I can do, jb.
I had tried to do each of these separately before but that didn't make much of a difference and I quickly gave up. Combined though I have noticed significant gains.
It's so bizarre that expending more energy is what finally gave you more energy - but I believe it! I've found a similar effect. Still, it's a hard ball to get rolling. I'm so glad you were able to
I really hate Facebook sometimes..I think it may be time to delete it but a part of me feels like I would feel even more alone. The problem is you can't post one negative thing or it seems like everyone rips into me and calls me a complainer or something to that degree. When your so alone who are you even suppose to vent to or talk to? I guess I always have to hold everything in and post nothing but positive things! Kinda hard to do when your life is shit though and you don't leave your room...sighhhhhh.
For what it's worth, I've started getting rid of my Facebook in tough periods. Not having a Facebook doesn't make you more lonely - it just means you can't ignore that loneliness through the illusion of online togetherness. It forced me to actually sit, and feel lonely, and cry, and figure out what I needed to do to feel less lonely, and start doing it. I wouldn't have done any of that if I could've just distracted myself with Facebook any time the great emptiness started creeping in.
Also, in the absence of Facebook, I found myself making a greater effort to communicate with people via email and phone.
Does anyone have experience with taking time off work due to depression?
I'm wondering if it's an option I should consider. Have had anxiety and depression problems for nearly 2 years now. I've been prescribed Fluoxetine since then. However I'm still getting very low at times and I find that due to my current routine with life, I am not having any time for myself; to get things right. I'm wondering if taking some time off work would be a viable idea or not.
Thanks.
How much time off, and what do you hope to do with it?
Yeah, so I just wanted to get this out and see if anybody here has dealt with similar OCD issues like this? I think this stuff and my battles with depression all stem from a deeply rooted anxiety issue I've always had, so I'm sure it's all related in some way. I am currently taking Prozac right now, mainly for depression, which is on and off, but the OCD has never shown any sign of slowing down for me no matter what medications I'm on.
Hi Common Knowledge! Unfortunately I've had no experience with OCD so I can't offer much in the way of specific thoughts but I do want to thank you for opening up here and encourage you to keep posting. Hopefully you can find some wisdom and solace soon
Follow up. He was merely joking about "maiming" them. They ended up getting the stitches stretched too much from cuddling them too tight. Which makes a lot of sense. He does tend to joke a lot... that one scared me though!
Still nervous, but I'm certain I'm going. Hopefully it goes well and I don't end up feeling homesick or just anxious the entire time. And my OCD is already getting worse when it comes to this trip so
Nervous, in some ways, is the flipside of excited. I hope your trip goes smoothly, and I hope you come back to let us know how it went!
No matter what I do, I can't seem to expand my social circle outside from work related contracts. I have tried many ways to make new friends on multiple group meet ups and trying new things. But every person that I had come across is so busy texting or holding onto what they have, they can't even bother to care how others are doing. This is making me frustrated, especially when these group meet ups are designed to be social meet ups.
I can't move on from my failures, as I had a bit of a mental breakdown at work, and people are starting to feel uncomfortable working with me.
That's a tough one, especially if you spend a lot of time at work. I've never found the people I meet at meetups and big group events to ever stick around as friends; rather, I've found that consistent, medium to long term involvement in a group or activity you care about can most easily lead you to new social contacts. You build shared experience with people doing something you enjoy and eventually you're bound to connect with someone.
Plus, once you have one social contact they can often connect you with others, who, once you get to know them, may be able to connect you to others, and so on. The only friends I've made at school in the past year, actually, were friends of friends of friends of friends (literally). Everyone else on that chain ended up fading away.
I don't know what to do now. I've been recently diagnosed with ADHD and I've basically just now realized I've been struggling with this all my life until now. I've lost two programming jobs, both for pretty much the same reason: Making stupid mistakes because of missing details/not testing enough, and the former causing me to miss deadlines or have to go back and fix things that should have been correct in the first place.
Does the Vyvanse help? What has the effect been like?
This is the first time since I've started my job that I've been 100% okay with it being Monday/the end of the weekend (probably confusing since it's a day off for most people, but I'm working today just like any other week). Previously, even when I've been very happy over the weekend I just completely fall apart on Monday and sink really low. Today I'm feeling just as happy as I've been for the past week though.
Contrary to my tag, I feel like this past week I've taken massive steps forward. I really think this is my meds kicking in and kicking in hard. I won't be totally confident about that until I can stay like this for a month or so, but for now I'm super excited about this.
What day (might) mark a month? You should get a cake!
So glad to hear things are continuing to go well
<3
