I would say the first and third. I have the physical energy to do whatever I please, what I lack is the motivation to do it due to numerous failed attempts, also now that you mention it, my expectations are unreasonable, sadly. I go into everything thinking that it's going to be just perfect (although I'm a big pessimist) and get disappointed when things don't work out. I am also very impatient, I hate how progress takes time, I become angry and anxious.
Perhaps it would be fruitful to work on these factors rather than trying at other things while they're still tying you down? Not that the two are mutually exclusive, they're not - it's just a matter of what's a priority.
And, unfortunately, there is no substitute for time when it comes to progress in
any pursuit. Luckily, patience can be practiced and improved as well! I've found mindfulness to be very helpful with feelings of impatience - I try to feel the feelings of impatience directly and let them run their course rather than let them set in the background and motivate my actions. I don't act on the feeling, I just feel it, rather than avoid it, and it eventually passes, as all feelings do, like so many clouds in the sky.
So a huge thank you to you, Piano.
Thanks, man, I really appreciate it
. Posting here makes me feel like I'm doing something meaningful with my time at a period in my life where I'm increasingly aware that life will not provide me with any meaning on its own accord.
And I'm so, so, so glad that things are looking up for you! Made me feel great to read that.
I recently graduated from college and now I'm job hunting full time and it's killing me. I'm not qualified for any of the jobs I would be somewhat interested in - I have an English degree so I'd like some writing or editing work, but all the positions I've found require multiple years of professional experience - and due to my social anxiety disorder I'm terrified by the thought of doing any sort of customer service, or really of being burdened with any sort of responsibility that puts me in danger of letting other people down.
Back in school during my summer breaks I would actively sabotage some applications for places I really really didn't want to work at, or just not apply at all and tell my parents I did. It was probably a combination of that and the shitty job market that resulted in my not getting the jobs I did apply for either, so the last two summers I did some volunteer work, which is relatively low pressure because you're offering your own time and getting nothing in return.
But now that I've graduated I have to make a genuine effort to find a real job, and it's terrible. I get extremely anxious just reading about certain job openings, and all the while my parents are pressuring me nonstop to keep looking eight hours a day and it's just exhausting. And given my mental state, I think a high-pressure job with a lot of social interaction would do terrible things to me.
It sounds like there are two distinct components here: the job hunt and the job itself.
Job hunts can be a real pain. I've never liked having to sell myself, especially through a resume or cover letter - I've found that I actually
prefer an interview because at least then I get to talk to people and humanize my application. It sounds as if this is doubly difficult for you because you're so scared of what the job itself may entail. Put the two halves together and it makes sense that you'd be apprehensive about it.
As for jobs themselves, though, I have two thoughts. First of all, there is going to be anxiety associated with starting
any new job and, I've found, the best option is to just gently allow yourself to be anxious and try to lean into the anxiety rather than avoid it or try to deny it. One way to put it would be: you're anxious! So what? (not so what in the dismissive sense, but, rather, so what does that mean?). Second of all, once you're in a job,
especially a consumer facing retail job, you may find that you can skate along over the anxiety somewhat by getting into a "zone" or even a "character" in your interactions with customers. Asking people how they're doing while you're at a fast moving cash register doesn't really require any actual personality - in such a position I found myself loving busy days when my eyes would sort of glaze over and I'd just zone out, and instead of having to actually worry about the dynamics of an interaction with a customer I could use the same string of "Hi how are you?" "Did you find everything alright?" and "Have a nice day" over and over and over and over again. You become comfortable in this mode of interaction that isn't really
you. In fact, the most anxious I became was when people I
knew would come into the store, because I felt like I couldn't just BS them with the same glossy veneer.
Sorry to ramble. I hope that made any sense at all. I'm very hungry.
Basically, for both halves, there's going to be some degree of having to just let the anxiety beset you, be aware of it, and function around and through it. Job hunts are anxiety inducing! However, if you feel that the level of anxiety you're feeling is unreasonable, or is interfering with your functioning, that's a different story.
Have you discussed your anxiety with your parents? There may be ways they can help you break things down and manage them.
Have you ever sought mental health treatment for your anxiety?
I got my ADHD medicine today. Going to start taking it tomorrow morning since I want to be taking it morningly and not late afternoon, when I was actually able to pick it up today. It's called Vyvanase? Anyone familiar with this?
In my experience it was like longer acting Adderall with a gentler come up and come down. It'll probably take a few days to figure out the right timing for taking it, as you're right, you don't want to take it too late. Also be aware that it can suppress your appetite, so you might need to make sure you're eating and drinking enough water while on it.
I am thinking about calling it quits.
Existing is, I dont know. Not fun, I guess.
What's going on?
Can you expand your discontentment with existing into a paragraph?
Having one of those days where I feel like blowing my brains out. Don't have access to a gun, nor ever have when these feelings occurred before, thankfully.
I'm sorry you're suffering.
Are you able to identify what's different about today that's making it so unpalatable?
Never came back to check these responses because well.... I have anxiety issues. I often have a hard time (while sober) coming back to read responses to any posts I make. I just wanted to say thanks for the responses and the advice though. A month or so later and I haven't really noticed any difference w/ the zoloft (up to 100mg now) other than difficulty reaching orgasm but eh, I can live with that. That said, I haven't noticed any positive differences either. Still going to therapy but I don't think that is helping much either. He points out all the wrong thinking in my head that leads to my anxiety, depression and other issues, but does nothing to help me avoid them. Want to switch doctors, but I don't want to get flagged as doctor shopping or something (particularly because I am convinced I have an attention disorder -- while my therapist/psychiatrist does not think that is the case which seems like classic drug seeking)
Anyways, it will probably be a while again before I read any responses but I didn't want you guys to think I was a dick for never getting back to you
I'm glad you came back to update us! No worries - there are no demerits given out in Mental Health GAF for responding late (or never!)
Have you brought up your dissatisfaction with your treatment directly with your therapist? When he isolates your chains of thought have you tried asking him, directly, what you're supposed to do about it? Don't have to be harsh or confrontational, just direct about what it is you need and what you feel is lacking. It could help!
It seems inaccurate that the correct verb use is "receiving" therapy when (in my experience) it's a much, much better experience when you're an active participant and an advocate for your own treatment.
Have you discussed your dissatisfaction with Zoloft with your doctor?
Bottom in a sense of how much will I have. It was disastrous day yesterday. And it looks like today will be the same. Flashbacks are returning with full force.
Will is an awful thing to lose. I'm sorry you're suffering, DrM. Is there anything we can do to help?
<3
