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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
- Status
Well first date was over coffee about a month ago & we talked for two hours. 2nd date was dinner, & this is the first time together we'd be doing an actual activity (having a game night) aside from sitting & talking over food/drinks, plus it'll be at my house (not alone mind you, she might bring her sis & my father, his gf, my little sister, & (hopefully not) my dad's gf's kids would be home as well). We've also been texting each other a decent amount, about once or twice a day or every other day.
I'm fine with taking things slow if that's how she feels (I try to go by the speed that she wants to go by. I don't wanna try & rush things), but I also want things to advance.
I'm fine with taking things slow if that's how she feels (I try to go by the speed that she wants to go by. I don't wanna try & rush things), but I also want things to advance.
ClosingADoor
Member
To me it sounds more like hanging out as friends then an actual date. Hope it works out for you, but make sure she knows you are interested in more then that.
So in other words, yes, this SHOULD be the time I should be a bit more clear about my feelings. Just a simple "Hey, I've been enjoying the time we've been spending together" or something, maybe see how she feels about me?
Thinking about it, I remember back in April, when my dad brought her up & was giving me her number to call, I recall him saying "Either you can meet as friends & see if you want to eventually take her on a date, or you can have it be a blind date from the get-go" & I'm starting to wonder if the former is starting to happen. I don't know if it's just the girls I know prefer to take things slower, or if I'm just slow to open up/take the next step because of how unpopular I was with girls back in highschool because I was considered the nerd. I guess I wouldn't mind having her as a friend (I mean, I should get more offline friends in general, plus hey, might network my way to another girl today), but I guess tomorrow, I should just see what the current status is & if I actually have a shot.
Thinking about it, I remember back in April, when my dad brought her up & was giving me her number to call, I recall him saying "Either you can meet as friends & see if you want to eventually take her on a date, or you can have it be a blind date from the get-go" & I'm starting to wonder if the former is starting to happen. I don't know if it's just the girls I know prefer to take things slower, or if I'm just slow to open up/take the next step because of how unpopular I was with girls back in highschool because I was considered the nerd. I guess I wouldn't mind having her as a friend (I mean, I should get more offline friends in general, plus hey, might network my way to another girl today), but I guess tomorrow, I should just see what the current status is & if I actually have a shot.
I can't remember if I've asked you this before, but how have your meetups been framed? Are you using the word date? Because I agree with ClosingADoor in that this sounds like friends hanging out, you're even referring to her as your friend in this thread.
............*thinks of all the conversations via text & talk*....
................*can only remember using the term "hang out" instead of "date"*.....
..............ah damn it.....
Edit: Okay, gotta stay positive. Maybe after the game night is done, I could be like "hey, I've been enjoying our time together. How about the next time we do something, it can be a date?" That could work, right?
ClosingADoor
Member
Lesson learned there. Always make sure you both know it's a date. Girls can be just as confused and uncertain about it as you are, so better to avoid any potential confusion and awkwardness from the start.
I'd say enjoy your time with her this time, at the end ask her out on an actual date with just the two of you. Get some drinks at a nice bar (I take it you are both drinking age?). Go for a bit more physical contact and make a move at the end of the night if it feels right.
I don't think it is a good time to do that when you have your family and her sister around this time, but of course I can be wrong there.
Okay, phew, so asking for an actual date at the end can still work. That's good. In fact, I can still see if that "spark" is still there before asking her. I remember the last girl I dated in 2012, the 3rd date is when things just completely fell apart and we stopped seeing each other.
But yeah, I'll see if I can quick talk to her alone before she leaves. It'd be weird to ask in front of the presense of a family member.
Also yeah, we're both around 23, so I'll see about drinks (assuming she actually does. I don't, but I recall either you or someone else mentioned they make non-alcoholic drinks).
ClosingADoor
Member
Yeah, definitely ask her when alone.
It can always work, never too late to ask. If she is interested in you, she is not suddenly not becoming interested after having a fun time with you. She is seeing you for the third time already, so she enjoys it. That's a good sign.
Just have to make sure you are moving it to a relationship instead of a friendship if that is what you are after and you are on the same page about that.
That's why I like to just ask girls for drinks. It's easy, can be cheap and everyone knows it's a date.
Well 2nd time, I suggested "How about we go out for dinner or some drinks" in my text (we just had appetizers & dessert, she had water I think) & the day after, I stated that I enjoyed last night via text.
But yeah, I mentioned last week she was welcome to come over since my dad was having a cookout, & she said that while she wouldn't be able to make it despite the fact we'd be fine with waiting, suggested we have a game night the next weekend. So at the very least, yeah, it does seem like she likes hanging out with me, so I still should have a chance as long as tomorrow goes well & I stay positive.
Appreciate it again. I think I should do just fine tomorrow. Heck, I'll see if I can contribute towards making a meal to show I'm able to cook.
But yeah, I mentioned last week she was welcome to come over since my dad was having a cookout, & she said that while she wouldn't be able to make it despite the fact we'd be fine with waiting, suggested we have a game night the next weekend. So at the very least, yeah, it does seem like she likes hanging out with me, so I still should have a chance as long as tomorrow goes well & I stay positive.
Appreciate it again. I think I should do just fine tomorrow. Heck, I'll see if I can contribute towards making a meal to show I'm able to cook.
Sorry Zonic, I thought this was your first date with her, my bad!
Anyway, be sure to have a meeting 1 on 1. Not with others. But I wouldn't say you like her if you haven't had "real" dates yet with only you two. And with the "I like you" as in you already love her. It can scare girls away.
Anyway, be sure to have a meeting 1 on 1. Not with others. But I wouldn't say you like her if you haven't had "real" dates yet with only you two. And with the "I like you" as in you already love her. It can scare girls away.
Yeah, I'll wait on saying I like her (again, I wanna make sure & I feel like tomorrow will be a good way to gauge) and focus on getting an actual date first. Hopefully, if she agrees, things might pick up a bit since we've gotten to know each other a bit over the month.
But yes, one thing I want to truly want to make sure of is that we're on the same page.
But yes, one thing I want to truly want to make sure of is that we're on the same page.
I haven't responded here in a while
So I'm in a relationship ^^ It went really fast through Tinder. Met her through Tinder, chatted for a month and we had our first date 2 weeks ago. We seemed to like each other a lot so we both asked for a second date mid our first date. Kissed her on her cheek at the end and she wanted to kiss me too but I moved away on accident.
Second date was 4 days later and we had a Dinner date that I scheduled. Went on a walk afterwards and had a fun talk about how snow white needed a kiss to wake up. I made a move to kiss her but she wanted to make out. Wasn't the best spot so I kind of moved away again after my kiss. Not the best but I explained my reasoning. Which she understood.
I met her parents beforehand and we had some time left so I asked if she wanted to meet my parents too. We did and afterwards went to my room. We both sat on my bed and we started making out and cuddled while watching How I Met Your Mother. This warm feeling with her next to me. I was falling in love with her said my feeling. And so did she she later said to me
We wanted to see each other again fast so 3 days ago we met again. She was tired after work so we slept together after having a 2 hour walk around my city and park and going out for dinner again. She was kind of hinting that she wanted to be my significant other and well, I had the same feeling. True, it's really fast but I just can't stop thinking of herSo we said, why not.
I'm 24 and she's 19. Doable age too
@MonorailCat,
If I have to rate myself against you, I'm less attractive based on looks. Freckles and stuff on my face
You met each other's parents and said you loved each other on the 2nd date, and then got into a relationship on the third date?
No, we haven't said we loved each other. Just that we feel an amazing click physically and socially. My wording tends to be wrong at times. Due the distance where she lives and I'm the one with my own car I picked her up at her home. She said it would be fun to meet her parents too because why not, I was at her place already and we had to wait 30 mins. We've been chatting for a month on a daily base beforehand.
Nah I'm not going to state I'm in love with someone in 2 weeks after 3 dates. It's growing though because she is amazing. That requires the right moment which is way too early. Excuse my wording. Admittingly this went faster then I actually expected. My last relationship took about 2 months of dating beforehand. Just less of a click and more getting to know each other.
Nah I'm not going to state I'm in love with someone in 2 weeks after 3 dates. It's growing though because she is amazing. That requires the right moment which is way too early. Excuse my wording. Admittingly this went faster then I actually expected. My last relationship took about 2 months of dating beforehand. Just less of a click and more getting to know each other.
My first date with my current GF was technically a movie date.. but it was a all-day thing that started with a trip to the museum, then movie then bookshop then concluded at the bar with our first kiss etc.
Prophet Steve
Member
So...that's pretty much still exactly what I'm saying.
That's always a bad thing to think that you have nothing to do on certain days without her. It will get easier eventually. You can be friends eventually but it's rare and it's never good to hope on that now, as you'll have other reasons besides being friends why you want to stay in contact.
Best to cut contact, let it sink and try to find a new hobby or so that you could do. Maybe ever wanted to focus on something and never wanted / had time for? I focussed on airsoft after my breakup. It helps and you'll meet new people.
She know I rather wanted to be a friend with her, but that's totally out of the question for her, and that is perfectly fine with me. I actually let her in again for the past week, but I just had to tell her to leave today, because I can't take the moodiness she brings with her. And she have taken all of her stuff with her, so that's good.
I have thought about maybe starting at the fitness center this month. And maybe even swimming classes next month, so I acquire that skill. I have found out, that my motivation for other things have gone up ever since I left her, and now it's going up again, since I left her again today.
I really have nothing more to say to her. Right now, I just wanna enjoy myself with PC games heh. Or at least I'll try.
I have thought about maybe starting at the fitness center this month. And maybe even swimming classes next month, so I acquire that skill. I have found out, that my motivation for other things have gone up ever since I left her, and now it's going up again, since I left her again today.
I really have nothing more to say to her. Right now, I just wanna enjoy myself with PC games heh. Or at least I'll try.
ClosingADoor
Member
Sounds like a good plan. Try new stuff, meet new people and keeps you active. Good luck with it!
Oh she doesn't want to be friend with you? I'd cut contact immediately and maybe send her a message in 2 months or so to ask how stuff is going. If she still is moodiness I'd just quit and never contact her again.
Distraction is always a good thing to get over a breakup. Do the fitness, do the swimming and check out new games. If you are up for it, you can even try Tinder or Meetup and have fun convos and meet new people. Just don't do the later to make her jealous or to get the romantic things you miss now because you broke up. You'll heal and you'll find the right one (again), even though it's hard to realize that now.
Omega Kirby
Member
Do you guys ever have text/interaction breaks with that person you like? Like not text her/him a whole day?
I don't even feel like I want to text her ever again. I just really want to move on with myself. I tried Tinder before and there's never any luck. I have started to believe, that I am honestly uglier than everyone else (I have believed in that for a few years actually) - like I don't look like the rest of you. And now, I'm really down. I'm considering uploading a picture of myself to get some feedback, but it may backfire hard, and that would probably break my confidence (or lack of) big time.
And, I honestly don't want to do anything bad to her, because I appreciate all of the good things she brought with her. I just accept, that we have too many differences, that it is not going to be us, and that is okay. Life goes on.
Right now, I just wanna get drunk. Not so much because of the breakup, but more because I lost a friend, and only have 2 friends left, and feel like, I have a bad name out there, and nobody wanna have anything to do with me. I even have close cousins who don't want me on Facebook, which actually kind of sucks now. And I am starting to feel like, I am at the lowest I have ever been in my life.
Yes.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
Yes. I'm in that place right now. Good morning text, I get a good morning text back. Goodnight text, I get a goodnight text back. To followup from a previous post in here, I told her to have a good weekend late Friday night around ~11:40pm. I woke up on Saturday morning and saw that she told me to a have a good weekend too at ~12:30AM. She said she wasn't free this weekend, so I'm leaving her alone.
Since tomorrow is a new month, checking in with her then makes a lot of sense.
Fucking hell
Fuck this.
Met this girl on pof last week. Literally the most perfect girl I have ever, ever known. Absolutely stunning, amazing body, intelligent, gamer, great sense of humour and decent career.
We met up for a first date on Thursday. We ended up back at my house. We watched some bravest warriors, half of zombieland and then we had the most amazing sex I've ever had in my life. then I took her home and we agreed to meet again at the weekend
And then the worried messages started. She basically said she was confused, needed time, but still wanted to meet (today, my birthday) and agreed to go out for a meal with me. I then got a single message yesterday last night saying she was now busy and couldn't attend, and today I didn't hear from her at all until I contacted her just now and she admitted she has decided to end it at this
So yeah fuck this. Fuck this. Gahhh. I had such crazy high hopes and now its all shattered. Sigh.
Fuck this.
Met this girl on pof last week. Literally the most perfect girl I have ever, ever known. Absolutely stunning, amazing body, intelligent, gamer, great sense of humour and decent career.
We met up for a first date on Thursday. We ended up back at my house. We watched some bravest warriors, half of zombieland and then we had the most amazing sex I've ever had in my life. then I took her home and we agreed to meet again at the weekend
And then the worried messages started. She basically said she was confused, needed time, but still wanted to meet (today, my birthday) and agreed to go out for a meal with me. I then got a single message yesterday last night saying she was now busy and couldn't attend, and today I didn't hear from her at all until I contacted her just now and she admitted she has decided to end it at this
So yeah fuck this. Fuck this. Gahhh. I had such crazy high hopes and now its all shattered. Sigh.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
Hey it sucks, but at least you know where you stand. Of all the more than 1 dates I've been on, I prefer to have closure of some sorts. Of course it isn't what you want to hear, but at least the common decency to tell you what's up happened. Disappearing acts are the worst thing in the world, and I ain't talking about magic.
It wouldn't be such an issue if she wasn't so perfect
I mean holy shit where do I even start from now?! She was quite literally everything I could ever wish for.
Last month I had an AMAZING first date with a girl I met sometime ago. She was everything I have ever asked for. I couldn't believe how luck I was. She started dating someone else the next day. Changed her facebook status and everything. The next two weeks were the worst of my life. I was very depressed. One day I was out with some friends, and I saw her with him, and I didn't thought much of it there, but when I got home I couldn't sleep until like 6 in the morning.
But things get better.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
I understand. It's difficult. I've been in the that position. Met someone who was older than me and we clicked. Ended our date making out like teenagers. Thought I would see her again and was high on life. Less than a week after knowing her and she's breaking up with me over text and I got it half way through the day. I was crushed. Luckily it was a half day of sorts and I got to sulk at home instead of powering through it at work.
I'm not above getting ahead of myself. It's always easier to give the advice to others to take it slow, etc. etc. When it's you (me) then that mentally gets put on the back burner and the advice is harder to swallow. From my recent experience though, be thankful that it was a fling and not something where you spent months together working on and then it just blew up.
I'm a person who have lived in Denmark for 26 years, but I have only ever had 7 girlfriends, who were all from Asia. I feel like I can never get a Danish girlfriend, who grew up with the same culture and things as me. I'm mixed, and ain't the tallest guy or the most handsome out there, but I'm still convinced I'm not able to get a Danish girlfriend. I don't know what to do. I think I'm over the online dating, as it really doesn't bring me anywhere, when it comes to girls from my country.
I've had way less in terms of official boyfriends than that (I'm with my third now), and I'm older than you. Numbers really don't mean shit.
Online dating isn't always for everyone; if you don't like it, that's fine.
Hell, you don't even have to date right now. Go out there and make new friends, if you feel you don't have many. Get out there and enjoy yourself!
Also, my family's shitty too... hell, my own father won't add me on Facebook. Fuck it, it's just a social media thing, don't judge your worth based on a website.
I like online dating, but it seems very limited now in my country, now that we only have OK Cupid.
But yeah, I don't wanna date, I just want friends really. My big problem is, that I have social anxiety, so even crossing the street makes me afraid. But that's something I'm working on for the next 3 months with professionals.
It's just with Filipinos, Facebook is very personal.
PS: I agree, numbers means shit.
Also, I don't even know who I am. I am half Danish, and half Filipino, but I like none of it. I have no idea what to do with my life or anything. Oh well, now this is reaching beyond the dating-age, so I'll stop for now.
But yeah, I don't wanna date, I just want friends really. My big problem is, that I have social anxiety, so even crossing the street makes me afraid. But that's something I'm working on for the next 3 months with professionals.
It's just with Filipinos, Facebook is very personal.
PS: I agree, numbers means shit.
Also, I don't even know who I am. I am half Danish, and half Filipino, but I like none of it. I have no idea what to do with my life or anything. Oh well, now this is reaching beyond the dating-age, so I'll stop for now.
Well, I finished having my "date" over at the house. She brought her older sister (who said was 35, but looked old enough to be her mom), & overall, it went.....alright, I guess?
I mean, everyone got alone just fine, & we all enjoyed playing Apples to Apples, but I couln't help but feel the older sister was the one that talked the most & would interrupt people. Plus in the back of my head, I feel like when I tried to talk/have a conversation with someone, I'd get interrupted by someone else (especially the sister), or I'd noticed part of the time when I was talking to just my friend & her sister alone, they'd be on their smartphone checking stuff. Hell, as someone who is into tech stuff/games, I will almost always put away my 3DS, smartphone, laptop, etc. unless I need them to show something because I want to show I'm paying attention to the person talking.
Not to mention, the last 5-10 minutes was the older sister saying she was tired, then my friend got a call about a car problem or whatever, so it was kind of starting to get a bit awkward. Plus I really had no chance to talk to her alone.
I think it's happening again where with the third "date", I'm starting to realize that things might not work out. I don't know if things are going to advance, & I'm not sure if I feel like making the effort to do so. I didn't feel that "click" that made me go "Yes, I still like this girl and wish to advance our relationship".
It's odd, because I feel a sense of disappointment ("Welp, once again, I couldn't even make it to 1st base"), but I also strangely feel like a heavy burden has been lifted ("Welp, guess I can move on, I know now things probably won't work since I don't really have any feelings for her now").
Oh well, it's still nice to have a female friend & who knows, maybe it'll network to one of her other friends or something.
I mean, everyone got alone just fine, & we all enjoyed playing Apples to Apples, but I couln't help but feel the older sister was the one that talked the most & would interrupt people. Plus in the back of my head, I feel like when I tried to talk/have a conversation with someone, I'd get interrupted by someone else (especially the sister), or I'd noticed part of the time when I was talking to just my friend & her sister alone, they'd be on their smartphone checking stuff. Hell, as someone who is into tech stuff/games, I will almost always put away my 3DS, smartphone, laptop, etc. unless I need them to show something because I want to show I'm paying attention to the person talking.
Not to mention, the last 5-10 minutes was the older sister saying she was tired, then my friend got a call about a car problem or whatever, so it was kind of starting to get a bit awkward. Plus I really had no chance to talk to her alone.
I think it's happening again where with the third "date", I'm starting to realize that things might not work out. I don't know if things are going to advance, & I'm not sure if I feel like making the effort to do so. I didn't feel that "click" that made me go "Yes, I still like this girl and wish to advance our relationship".
It's odd, because I feel a sense of disappointment ("Welp, once again, I couldn't even make it to 1st base"), but I also strangely feel like a heavy burden has been lifted ("Welp, guess I can move on, I know now things probably won't work since I don't really have any feelings for her now").
Oh well, it's still nice to have a female friend & who knows, maybe it'll network to one of her other friends or something.
or maybe I should look for a friend with benefits, I don't know...
Omega Kirby
Member
Yeah did the same thing on Friday night. Wished her a good weekend, So I guess I could speak
to her again tommorow
Dude, relax, it was one date.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
Did you get a response or any pleasantries?
Rich, take it easy. Log off for a while.
Its not just that. Its a combination of things, put together with the fact this is the third time this has happened this year. Each time its an amazing leadup, get on really really well, meet up, things go too quick, sex, then everything looks hopeful...and we never meet again.
Its just fucking annoying. And with this girl, she was literally everything I could want - you really couldn't get closer to my dream girl. Just a kick in the teeth really.
...ah well at least we had sex I guess. But if we hadn't, we would probably still be seeing each other and she wouldn't have been scared off dating by the pace.
I might send her another message later this week. Or maybe I should just leave it.
stn
Member
Orrrr, what if all she wanted was a hookup? Don't you think it speaks volumes when a person is willing to hook up on the first date?
Well, maybe. But that's not the impression I got from all of this - she's just confused as hell. To be honest, she came out of her last relationship a month ago, so its likely the case that I'm just a rebound.
She was asking for a second date and for things to slow down up until yesterday though. So yeah, meh.
I really wonder if I will ever be able to date somebody from my own country. I have never felt like, I really belong here, because I look Asian, so that makes me feel kind of "out of place" here in Scandinavia. I'm 26 and still haven't dated a Danish girl.
Honestly, it would be fun to just have a friendship with people here.
Honestly, it would be fun to just have a friendship with people here.
Look,man. No one is perfect. To build such high expectations for someone over one date is absolutely insane. She isn't perfect. You are giving her an image of perfection and making it way harder on yourself.
Keep working at it, if you work with professionals that should get better
. Then try joining a club or meetup that has similar interests to you.Best advice. Not to dismiss Rich's feelings, but this is the best advice. Just have to relax.
Keep working at it, if you work with professionals that should get better
My "home advisor" actually suggested to me signing up for a club. The club is just located in a troubled area, so I'm not sure about it. But first and foremost, I'll try start up at the gym, but I'm just thinking everybody else are judging me for being slim and having no muscles. And that makes me feel like a total failure and an unwanted person.
I personally feel a ton better since I got back into working out. It helps my posture, confidence, and I've been told I look good.
Just remember that results take time and you will not build much muscle without upping your caloric intake. There are more knowledgeable people in the Fit-GAF threads, but the basics are to exercise and eat more, making sure to get enough protein.
And don't worry about people judging you. I think that's mostly an irrational fear, although it's one I understand and also get from time to time. For the most part people are just doing their own thing and don't care if there's a skinny or fat person walking nearby.
Yeah, he told me the same - that people are mostly in their own world when working out. I have also set aside more money for food starting this month. I think I'll start working out in 2 weeks time. It's something I really want to start doing. Instead of drinking, like I'm doing now.. =(
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