Your right I'm not asking to feel bad for me, sure he's the one getting miss treated, I had no idea how I would end up feeling. It was wrong of both of us, I'm not the type to just sleep with people but we both have had a crush on each other for a while now. Got drunk and things just happened, its hard when your in the moment and you want someone. We get along really well and both have the same type of humor and just don't have to try to be our self's when we are around each other.
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Your right I'm not asking to feel bad for me, sure he's the one getting miss treated, I had no idea how I would end up feeling. It was wrong of both of us, I'm not the type to just sleep with people but we both have had a crush on each other for a while now. Got drunk and things just happened, its hard when your in the moment and you want someone. We get along really well and both have the same type of humor and just don't have to try to be our self's when we are around each other.
ZackieChan
Member
Have your fun and move on, or don't have your fun...and move on. Both of you. Plenty of attractive, available women out there.
stn
Member
@Kyouko la Kill
Dude, no. No. A few things...
1. Don't waste time on taken girls.
2. Yes, she's your "best friend". That means friend without sex. Which she is.
3. Don't you see how bad it is that she's in a relationship and yet constantly keeping you around with false hopes?
4. Don't you see how selfish you are acting because you don't want to accept that there are other girls out there?
5. Stop wasting time. You courted a taken girl for a whole year? Go outside, put on your best smile, and meet other women!
This post sounds harsh because it is. You need a slap in the face to set you on the right track, man.
@Vasper
So you banged a girl in a relationship? Eh.
General note: what is up with GAF and having it's share of home-wreckers? I mean, fuck. There was recently a girl who liked me and wanted to fuck me while being in another relationship. I didn't accept because I was kind of disgusted by her proposal. If anything, I judged her because I no longer felt she fit my standards. Where's the loyalty and care? Up your morals, guys. Do it for yourselves at the very least.
Dude, no. No. A few things...
1. Don't waste time on taken girls.
2. Yes, she's your "best friend". That means friend without sex. Which she is.
3. Don't you see how bad it is that she's in a relationship and yet constantly keeping you around with false hopes?
4. Don't you see how selfish you are acting because you don't want to accept that there are other girls out there?
5. Stop wasting time. You courted a taken girl for a whole year? Go outside, put on your best smile, and meet other women!
This post sounds harsh because it is. You need a slap in the face to set you on the right track, man.
@Vasper
So you banged a girl in a relationship? Eh.
General note: what is up with GAF and having it's share of home-wreckers? I mean, fuck. There was recently a girl who liked me and wanted to fuck me while being in another relationship. I didn't accept because I was kind of disgusted by her proposal. If anything, I judged her because I no longer felt she fit my standards. Where's the loyalty and care? Up your morals, guys. Do it for yourselves at the very least.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Cheating happens. Why do you think Ashley Madison exists?
Dylan Sexbang
Banned
I talked to we DatingGAF, she isn't concerned with dating me as it because of the moment where our friendship faltered. She doesn't want to think about the future, she said she wants to build up our friendship again. That's it. Dating isn't even something to think about, she's not going to talk to me about her relationship. We're going to be friends, she always told me to not worry about the future and just focus on the present.
When we first started met, their relationship was already faltering. But I guess my appearance and my attitude and the way I treated her, she wanted that from him again. So I guess she laid down some ground rules with him, and I guess it a mater of change or lose her and he changed. Whether that stays or not, we have yet to see.
If anything, my presence kicked him into shape. I wish it was simple as cheating and just find another for me and her. It's not like she is trying to get some D on the side, she wants an adult relationship. She even told me if she broke up with him it wouldn't be a straight to me thing. She'd wait and see how I am before committing.
We both have social anxiety, hers is cranked to 11. When we hang out, she can hardly even talk to store workers or cashiers. The fact we got as close as we did still amazes her today, and it scared her how close we got and how she opened up to me so easily. Meeting her pulled me out of a depression and a floating meaningless.
I asked her to tell, if and when there is absolutely zero chance of us ever getting together. Her words are, "I just want to focus on a friendship". No thinking about the future, not worrying about what we were. Just getting back to being great friends.
I don't know what will happen here. And j know the lot of you will call me something along the lines of stupid and tell me to let her go, but I just can't. :< I am probably making a mistake, men like me in my situation usually do.
When we first started met, their relationship was already faltering. But I guess my appearance and my attitude and the way I treated her, she wanted that from him again. So I guess she laid down some ground rules with him, and I guess it a mater of change or lose her and he changed. Whether that stays or not, we have yet to see.
If anything, my presence kicked him into shape. I wish it was simple as cheating and just find another for me and her. It's not like she is trying to get some D on the side, she wants an adult relationship. She even told me if she broke up with him it wouldn't be a straight to me thing. She'd wait and see how I am before committing.
We both have social anxiety, hers is cranked to 11. When we hang out, she can hardly even talk to store workers or cashiers. The fact we got as close as we did still amazes her today, and it scared her how close we got and how she opened up to me so easily. Meeting her pulled me out of a depression and a floating meaningless.
I asked her to tell, if and when there is absolutely zero chance of us ever getting together. Her words are, "I just want to focus on a friendship". No thinking about the future, not worrying about what we were. Just getting back to being great friends.
I don't know what will happen here. And j know the lot of you will call me something along the lines of stupid and tell me to let her go, but I just can't. :< I am probably making a mistake, men like me in my situation usually do.
Move On: The Post
Dylan Sexbang
Banned
What is I'm not ready to? :<
I don't have much else going for me...
Can't. Seriously. I ain't get shit for support. Literally the first person I've had that I can just unwind and tell anything to. Dammit, first /adv/ now gaf... I know I'm just hoping to hear something different than that
Sorry, but that isn't an excuse. Life isn't gonna hand you shit. If you have nothing going on, go make it happen. I have been in your shoes before, and I wish I had someone slap some sense into me.
There is a reason a few posters have told you the same thing, because it is something you need to do. It won't be easy, but it has to be done.
There is a reason a few posters have told you the same thing, because it is something you need to do. It won't be easy, but it has to be done.
The way I like to look at situations like these is think about what would happen if she left her boyfriend for you. Now you're looking at someone who's capable of that. Who's to say she won't do the same to you for someone else.
Don't meddle in their relationship because worst case scenario you'll not only lose her as a potential girlfriend but you'll also lose her as a friend.
This will pass and you will move on but only if you let yourself.
If you're hanging onto this and living or waiting for this other person you need to take a step back and rethink your priorities. Drop her. Her 'social anxiety' you described won't help you become a better person, especially if you experience anxiety yourself. Seek positive, out-going, mature women.
Remove the dependence you think you have on this person, to her most importantly and everyone else it is super unattractive.
I'm just getting over the dependence I had on my ex. It was probably unfair of me to lose myself to her like that. It is possible to overcome it. And it made me want to become a better person instead of having 'love' blind me from improving myself.
Dylan Sexbang
Banned
I need a literal slap in the face... I can't let go just yet... I know I should, it's the writing on the wall now... I just can't lose ties with the only person who gives a shit about me nowadays.
I guess I should've seen this coming... I'm just not ready to let go of her completely as a friend yet... If it comes it'll come. But not yet.
I guess I should've seen this coming... I'm just not ready to let go of her completely as a friend yet... If it comes it'll come. But not yet.
I wanted to quote this because I just thought that reply was hilarious. xD
You won't find anything in life if you don't go looking for it. Seriously. Don't take a passive role in life and just hope something changes. This girl just sees you as a comforting presence and a friend, and it's now more than obvious that you can't handle being just friends with her. Let her go, move on. You're not going to hear anything else here or in /adv/. (Even if my tune was a bit different earlier)
But here's the thing... are you really actually okay with being friends with her? Just friends? Really? From your posts, it doesn't sound like it. You've been trying to get with her for a year, even though she was in another relationship that she doesn't plan on leaving. I doubt you can actually be just friends with her, without the emotional baggage you've developed with her getting in your way. Like, why would you even try to find more friends, let alone a new romantic relationship, if you're desperately clinging to her?
You don't need to get rid of her as a friend. You just need to stop trying to get in her pantaloons. You can fix your obsession over her and continue to be friends with her. Try breaking off communication for a week and see how you feel. And not just waiting for a week to talk to her again but trying to move on.
Dylan Sexbang
Banned
I will give it a shot. That's all she wants from me right now is to establish a friendship. The reason she grew distant from me, is I couldn't separate the idea of a future relationship from just being friends. She want fixated on the relationship like I was, because I wanted it. She wanted to establish the friendship more. And I'll just see how it goes. Give it a month. See if I can get my friend back, i asked what our future held... And she said she cannot tell me with certainty. she said of everything else, she just wants me as a friend again instead of someone obsessing over the relationship.
So I will see where this goes, ride out the friendship for a little. See if I can hold back the desire of dating and just get my friend back, and if not... If things don't get better than I will have no choice. But until then, I will test the waters and my own stability.
direct_quote
Member
Well I'm going on my second online date (first date with this girl) tomorrow GAF, meeting a girl in up-town at a bar. I'm going to uber there and back... Any tips/advice?
Have a drink or two to loosen up, but make sure not to get too drunk and make an ass of yourself.
Act like you have been on a million dates before. Don't let awkward pauses faze you. Have fun.
Gotdatmoney
Member
No offence but but this girl also is not really your friend. She can't recognize that you want something more but she is okay keeping you at arms length as a friend because it makes her happy. She doesn't really care about whether you can even handle it. You and her have 0 future. If you want a girl to be your girlfriend then IMO you fucking make that clear. You want a go not a friend, if they can't offer you what you truly desire and you have to be unhappy settling for less why on earth would you even settle? There are many people out there, go meet them and abandon this baggage. And don't obsess over people who you are not in a committed relationship with because they will not act with your feelings at heart. And for the record, when you go the friends route you will be miserable when she finds a bf.
I agree with this advice.
She is being vague and noncommital about the 'zero chance of you two ever being together' because she doesn't want to lose you as a free source of attention. If she was interested in you, you'd be together. If she was a good friend and wasn't interested, she'd be honest about it and wouldn't be stringing you along.
ZackieChan
Member
Yep. Poster needs to realize that he is worth more than this bullshit and move on. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. She's wasted enough of your time. You don't need her to make you feel better - a girl who actually cares about you will make you feel much better.
Why is dating so hard GAF?
I had this date with this girl, wich I though went pretty nice, but after it she went full on silence with, so I tought "eh, guess she didn't like it". That was a month ago. Now this girl is fucking pestering me and beign all dramatic and shit ("oh you didn't text me again", "Come on F, if you wanted to see me you should have insisted"). She is nice and I kind of liked her a lot, and now she wants to go out again, but I have a date with the girl I talked about earlier in this thread and this attitude she had doesn't seem like something I would appreciate.
What to do?
I had this date with this girl, wich I though went pretty nice, but after it she went full on silence with, so I tought "eh, guess she didn't like it". That was a month ago. Now this girl is fucking pestering me and beign all dramatic and shit ("oh you didn't text me again", "Come on F, if you wanted to see me you should have insisted"). She is nice and I kind of liked her a lot, and now she wants to go out again, but I have a date with the girl I talked about earlier in this thread and this attitude she had doesn't seem like something I would appreciate.
What to do?
Dylan Sexbang
Banned
She isn't necessarily stringing me along... She never wanted me to bring up relationships after we decided where. Today she totally called me out on my shit. She said I wasn't ready to date her, and I'm still not because we have so much to learn about each other. For her current boyfriend they knew each other for 2 years before committing which was compared to our months and getting that attached. She said this entire time I've been fixated on a hypothetical relationship because I would always push it and j would be the one to bring it out.
She said i was pressuring her to get out a 5 year relationship into ours without fully knowing each other yet. She doesn't see me wanting to have the friends part of the relationship, she just saw me wanting to have a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend. Whereas, when we initially discussed this... She told me if we do end up, if something were to happen she wanted it to be a long term relationship. She wanted it to last if it ever happened, and after that she told me to drop it and just get to know her better than few months we knew we each other before she jumps off a 5 year thing that was faltering. She gave him one more chance to improve, she told me about it and to not worry about relationships right now. But i still pushed the subject.
When it comes down to it... I pushed her away. I fixated on a relationship, and tried to force her out of the 5 year relations.
So she wanted to groom you until you were worthy enough to date her, while still maintaining a relationship with the other guy. Sounds like he was the backup, and you were the 2nd backup. It sounds awful.
Also, don't be the "Sure, we can be 'friends', even though I only really want to be in a relationship with you and will try to undermine your current one. Maybe if I keep up this facade, she'll see me for what a great guy I am and totally ditch him" guy. No one likes "nice guys" that are just pretending.
Honestly,if a "friend" tried to undermine my relationship all the time, I would drop them like a hat (like a fedora?)
Also, don't be the "Sure, we can be 'friends', even though I only really want to be in a relationship with you and will try to undermine your current one. Maybe if I keep up this facade, she'll see me for what a great guy I am and totally ditch him" guy. No one likes "nice guys" that are just pretending.
Honestly,if a "friend" tried to undermine my relationship all the time, I would drop them like a hat (like a fedora?)
Gotdatmoney
Member
Yeah, you're being naive. For one even though you already know this, do not pursue taken people. They are not ever going to be loyal to you. Even if they like you they are not going to like being pressured or enjoy having someone trying to take advantage of faults in their relationship. So stop that shit.
However, this girl is bullshitting you to the extreme and its laughable. She's in a relationship and she is already talking this hypothetical "if I was to date you I'd really need to be your friend first". It's the corner stone of manipulation. She is bringing up all this potential of you being together to get you to stick around. What, so you gotta fulfil her wish of being friends for X Amount of time until she can then decide whether or not she wants to be with you? That's ridiculous, if you want a relationship with someone you make that clear, you dont take some obscure path to that goal when there is no guarantee that its going to be successful, then you are wasting your time. And to top it all off she is telling you about her relationship woes and your just letting her, it's just some bad news bears man.
I'm all for being friends with people you like if you ultimately couldn't care less whether it comes to fruitition. But if you are invested in making it work with a person that wants no part of it you're just being a doormat. This girl will never date you man. She would date you if she wanted to, there is no magical time frame for knowing someone you have to wait until you go on some dates. Dates are for getting to know people, that's the point. Friendships are for playtonic feeling.
Take it from the people around here, this never ends well. Hell take it from my personal experience, surrounding yourself around someone that you just built this huge image of perfection around and hoping they change their mind and want you is just awful. You feel like shit, you act like shit and you dont achieve anything. Just let this one go man, it is a hard lesson to learn but just stop contact with her and move on. You'll be better for it.
Wow. This is bullshit mate.
You did literally nothing wrong. You were interested in her, and so you showed it. She wasn't, but instead of giving it to you straight ("not interested, buddy") she is manipulating you and keeping you around for a possible plan b.
There is nothing, NOTHING, wrong in pursuing someone, its bullshit that she tells you guys needed to be friends for 2 years or something, that is straight up manipulation.
And seriously dude, I don't know you, but I know for a fact that if you put yourself out there you'll find someone that gives a shit, isn't this what this thread is all about?
Dylan Sexbang
Banned
It wasn't a two year friend requirement per se. That's just how long she waited before asking him out. And even then the bastard didn't answer right away. He had to think about it...
Anyway... I'm starting to see the light. I understand her trust issues, shes been haunted all her life by a slight deformity that I am able to look over but you know how kids can be when you're younger. But if she is literally blaming our distance and her not even thinking of a relationship anymore because I wasn't there when she needed me, but she isn't ready to commit to anything. But she managed to flip our distance back on me; and then accuse me of pressuring her with relationship issues... But fuckhead mc 5 years gets his chance after I show her how someone who loves her should act? I know that too because I called her out on it last night, I showed her what she wanted in someone and he got that chance to be what I already was. I think It's getting through to me. She accuses me of only seeing the idea of dating and not the whole her, and caring about how she feels and her emotions and how things are going on in her life. She has seriously stopped telling me things about her personal life because she thinks I don't care about that anymore and just care about getting the title of boyfriend.
I'm going to visit her one last time and spend one day longer with her. No matter how this went down, she did show me that there are people out there who are capable of having affection to me. I don't owe her, but I had fun. Even if it's misguided. I think I'm starting to lose that romantic feeling now, if any of it remains I'll just go cold turkey and work on doing me for a while.
Thanks GAF. I needed the blinds lifted...
^As with most advice, I'll put a disclaimer here because I haven't been in a serious relationship.
You're not very attracted to her, physically or emotionally, so just end it. You're giving her false hopes and stringing her along by telling her what she wants to hear. There will never be a good time to end a relationship, and waiting until after her father is better, however long that will take, would be unfair both to you and her, since it's effectively wasting both of yours time.
And no, telling her that you're breaking up with her because she's fat is kind of nasty, even if it's the truth. You're not in the same place emotionally (also the truth), so just tell her that.
You're not very attracted to her, physically or emotionally, so just end it. You're giving her false hopes and stringing her along by telling her what she wants to hear. There will never be a good time to end a relationship, and waiting until after her father is better, however long that will take, would be unfair both to you and her, since it's effectively wasting both of yours time.
And no, telling her that you're breaking up with her because she's fat is kind of nasty, even if it's the truth. You're not in the same place emotionally (also the truth), so just tell her that.
Well, duh. I overlooked that. So yeah dude, don't go after people already in a relationship. You are beign a major dickhead talking about her boyfriend like this and not realising that she prefers him over you, otherwise you'd be together already. Everything else she tells you is bullshit. None of the reasons are true expect this one.
Honestly, as harsh as this sounds, you kind of let yourself get manipulated if you knew all along she had a boyfriend.
I need some advice gaf, I'm not feeling too well right now after this happened.
In March I started a new job at a small school, less than 15 people would be my guess who work in my area of the school. The lead teacher who I talk to mostly every day that I come in to clock in and out, grab something, etc. Fast forward a month and half ago she gives me an invite to her wedding and everybody else one as well I'm assuming. I have a girlfriend, it's a long distance (1.5hr) and I invited her (we've been dating since Feb, 'talking' since Nov).
I send in my RSVP for 2 because she told me yes she'd come. I thought it was on the 27th of this month but I found out earlier this week that it's actually on Friday the 12th(last night). A few days before that my girlfriend tells me she'd be working at her new job babysitting this kid M-F. ok, fair enough, sucks but oh well. Then the other day I find out she has the day off because she had to take her sister for sugery at the dentist early in the morning and a doctors appointment (I didn't ask for what) at 4pm. The drinks started at 5pm, dinner was at 6pm. Don't forget her 1.5hr drive. She told me she couldn't make it.
I was pretty upset when she told me why she couldn't. It wouldn't make sense to drive there for the night, show up late to the wedding and leave tomorrow morning (today, Sat) because she has her best friends little sisters graduation party in her hometown she wants to attend and invited me.
She knows I'm pretty upset about how she didn't give an effort to come yesterday, instead she just figured it was too far for showing up late and nothing really worth it when I was already planning on coming Saturday because I have lunch planned with her mother and practice parter to talk about schooling.
I just don't know what to do. she told not to come today if I don't want to but it's not that I don't want to come, I'm just upset I didn't really get anything from her yesterday. Even now she says she should've just come to the wedding and she's stupid. She told me she doesn't want to be someone who's asks of so much from me but gives me nothing in return.
The graduation party starts at 2, id have to leave in about a hour and half to make it on time or very soon after.
TL;DR gf didn't want to drive 1.5hr for my coworkers wedding because we would be 1-2hrs late getting there, would have to leave early the next morning in separate cars to drive to her best friend's little sisters graduation party who I don't know
In March I started a new job at a small school, less than 15 people would be my guess who work in my area of the school. The lead teacher who I talk to mostly every day that I come in to clock in and out, grab something, etc. Fast forward a month and half ago she gives me an invite to her wedding and everybody else one as well I'm assuming. I have a girlfriend, it's a long distance (1.5hr) and I invited her (we've been dating since Feb, 'talking' since Nov).
I send in my RSVP for 2 because she told me yes she'd come. I thought it was on the 27th of this month but I found out earlier this week that it's actually on Friday the 12th(last night). A few days before that my girlfriend tells me she'd be working at her new job babysitting this kid M-F. ok, fair enough, sucks but oh well. Then the other day I find out she has the day off because she had to take her sister for sugery at the dentist early in the morning and a doctors appointment (I didn't ask for what) at 4pm. The drinks started at 5pm, dinner was at 6pm. Don't forget her 1.5hr drive. She told me she couldn't make it.
I was pretty upset when she told me why she couldn't. It wouldn't make sense to drive there for the night, show up late to the wedding and leave tomorrow morning (today, Sat) because she has her best friends little sisters graduation party in her hometown she wants to attend and invited me.
She knows I'm pretty upset about how she didn't give an effort to come yesterday, instead she just figured it was too far for showing up late and nothing really worth it when I was already planning on coming Saturday because I have lunch planned with her mother and practice parter to talk about schooling.
I just don't know what to do. she told not to come today if I don't want to but it's not that I don't want to come, I'm just upset I didn't really get anything from her yesterday. Even now she says she should've just come to the wedding and she's stupid. She told me she doesn't want to be someone who's asks of so much from me but gives me nothing in return.
The graduation party starts at 2, id have to leave in about a hour and half to make it on time or very soon after.
TL;DR gf didn't want to drive 1.5hr for my coworkers wedding because we would be 1-2hrs late getting there, would have to leave early the next morning in separate cars to drive to her best friend's little sisters graduation party who I don't know
^Is your co-worker's wedding very important to you? If so, did you communicate that fact? My immediate assumption would be that it's not very important to you, maybe she assumed that as well, though she should of course have asked if she didn't. In any case, if it wasn't that important then I would perhaps make the same decision as her, i.e. not going.
She did apologize though. You should go to her thing.
She did apologize though. You should go to her thing.
no, it probably really wasn't that important but not attending makes me feel bad a little bit. I forgot about the date to be honest so I'm sure I didn't communicate very much about it, but I'd like to think I did. maybe I'm trying to just not flip this onto me.
I'm getting ready right now to take off down to see her. I need a relaxed day after this week.
Seriously, man, the entitled "nice guy" look is not attractive.
Has anyone dated someone in an open relationship before? Interested in hearing how it went.
I was on a first date with a girl last night who has been with their significant other since college, but said the state of the relationship is more of an emotional rock now and hasn't been physical for a while.
I was on a first date with a girl last night who has been with their significant other since college, but said the state of the relationship is more of an emotional rock now and hasn't been physical for a while.
Not asking anyone out atm, just curious:
Do you usually have a place in mind when you do ask her out, or do you figure this out later (say you only have her number and were planning on conversing more and setting up a date through that)?
If you have more than one date, do you decide where to go, or both of you mull it over? Are you open to suggestions from the girl if you have no place in mind?
Anyone posted some good general clothes tips in this thread? Should clothes on a first date be more formal than following ones?
Do you usually have a place in mind when you do ask her out, or do you figure this out later (say you only have her number and were planning on conversing more and setting up a date through that)?
If you have more than one date, do you decide where to go, or both of you mull it over? Are you open to suggestions from the girl if you have no place in mind?
Anyone posted some good general clothes tips in this thread? Should clothes on a first date be more formal than following ones?
Dylan Sexbang
Banned
Nah. Not nice guy, nor entitled. Frustrated at being told to stay with her, and to just let friendships go, and see where things go, and give me the false of something like, "Well, if I break up wth him after Christmas..."
Like damn, me. You held on to this dream for over a year?!
electricshake
Member
Stop pursuing someone in a relationship, it's a total dick move on your part. If she wants to end it she will, stop trying to make her.
stn
Member
No man, your response IS of an entitled nice guy. First of all, don't blame her for stringing you along. Blame yourself for allowing it to happen. Own your shit and take responsibility for yourself. You never wait for someone to figure their shit out, you instead go and date other people. You also don't let the other party dictate the relationship.
You spent a year wasting your time pursuing a taken girl. That's a whole year you could have used to find someone better. If a girl likes you, she will be with you. If she's not with you, she doesn't like you. Don't waste time focusing on what the girl is telling you, instead look at what is actually happening.
Stop calling her, stop talking to her. Put on your best clothes, style yourself up, smile, and go meet other women. Next time you meet a girl you like, don't hang around for a billion years while she fucks her current boyfriend. Make your life simple and target girls who are single. Its a recipe for success for a reason.
Besides, why would you want to preface a whole relationship on drama and being in the middle of a couple? Make life simple, dude.
To be honest, I wing it. I asked them out, and I either talk to them for a few days and based on the conversation I decide where to go, or I suggest drinks.
Second date, I'm open to suggestions, but I usually end up suggesting something for us to do.
Casual, I don't think you should do formal. Maybe a dress shirt with jeans.
ZackieChan
Member
Honestly, it sounds like you are getting in a tizzy over nothing. Sometimes people can't go or it's a huge pain in the ass. It's a coworker's wedding - I don't see how it is a big deal. Try to reduce the amount of manufactured drama in your life and relationship! You'll be much happier.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
I would say not to prolong it and end it ASAP. It's going to suck, it's going to be a bit tough, but you'll thank yourself later. To echo what Jokab said, you're not as emotionally invested in the relationship as she is and want your autonomy back. Plus the fact that you said "I love you back" because you would feel bad if you didn't is a huge red flag. You only say it back if you really mean it and feel the same. It sounds like you're unsure of what you want and went along with it that you weren't honest with yourself.
I would say to avoid telling her that you're not physically attracted to her and say the above. Although to be honest, about 6 months ago, I met a woman from Tinder with the intention of hooking up after weeks of texting. When I got in her car, I realized that I wasn't feeling physically attracted to her and didn't want to sleep with her. Long story short, after I got to her place, I told her the truth; that she didn't look like how I imagined and felt deceived. She drove me to the train station and I never heard from her again. In retrospect, I was a dick and insensitive since her self-esteem took a huge blow but at least I was honest with myself and didn't go through with having sex with her. But yeah, don't do this.
Like GK86, I usually wing it and take several things into consideration such as the season, what the girl likes to do for fun, etc. but I usually do either a bar, a museum, or a popular public place. No fancy dinner dates, no movie theaters either. If I don't have any ideas, then I'll let the girl suggest something but I'm usually the one doing the planning.
As for clothes, again GK86 has it right. No need to dress formally unless you're going to some fancy restaurant or a bar/club that has a very specific dress code. Just wear clothes that fit you and show off your features e.g. jeans, a polo/button up shirt/graphic t-shirt, a jacket (if the weather is on the colder side) and clean sneakers. Most importantly, your finger nails should be trimmed and you look decently groomed.
As hard as it sounds, just end it. You'll be doing her and yourself a huge favour in the long run. Follow your feelings and realize she might be your wife in the future if you keep it at it. Sure that's very big assumption, but that's the end result of a very long relationship with lots of love from both sides. Do you want that? You've already answered that so just end it. The blow is always hard and you could still support but be sure not to give her any form of false hope afterwards. If that still happens, just 100% cut contact then.
No matter your reasons or excuses, STOP CONTACTING HER. It's only better for you in the end.
As for me, I need to buy condoms asap. Any sizes that are recommend? What's the normal size?
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
Um...what's the issue?
Stn be laying down the truth bombs today yo :3
Most condoms are the normal size, unless they say otherwise (usually in a silly manner, like "EXTRA LARGE" and "MAGNUM" lol). You should probably just start with the normal sized, normal...uh... style, like no crazy "twisted" or "fire and ice" or whatever, since I believe you said you're a virgin (or she is?). As for brand, I assume Trojan is good. LifeStyles is also good if you or your girl's allergic to latex.
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