Now that GAF is functioning again, my thoughts on a Sony conference with huge ups and downs:
"That's an applause line? "Games are the cultural zeitgeist? "Full stop? I have to admit, I thought I was in for a complete groaner from start to finish.
Then finally, The Last Guardian, with a release year, followed by Shuhei Yoshida saying "Fumito Ueda is great, don't believe what you hear about how we drove him to quit. Please don't leave us, Ueda! PLEASE?! It just felt desperate giving him kudos now after everything thats happened.
Then on to Horizon. It looks good, but it also looks like the vertical slice du jour of Sonys conference. I will wait that one out.
Then Hitman with no gameplay, gab gab gab, digital release, blah blah blah, exclusive beta/DLC.
Street Fighter V comes on very VERY briefly and, oh BTW, another exclusive public beta. Public betas appear to be the new exclusive DLC at Sonys conference.
No Man's Sky had a slog of a boring demo, bragging bullshit that will never materialize (All these stars are solar systems, for serious guys!). I started reading my book at that point.
Media Molecule comes on and starts philosophizing garbage, then shows us what appears to be user created experiences. Basically, not a game, but Mario Paint for the artsy poseur in the gaming crowd.
Destiny expansion... yawn. Another Ass Creed
yawn. Final Fantasy Chibi game because
yeah sure why not?
And then
Final Fantasy 7 remake. Im of 3 different minds about this.
First, I am glad it exists just so people can shut the fuck up about it for the next 5 years before they start asking for it to be remade yet again.
Second, Im glad that the remake will expose the younger generations to just how truly forgettable this game is without that wide-eyed nostalgia.
And third, I cant believe they would announce something that cannibalizes FFXV. But then again, I dont recall them giving a release date, which should worry people, since Square Enix isnt great on their track record with games. If we dont get firm release dates for KH3 and FFXV tomorrow, we should be concerned.
And then they followed it up with Shenmue III
. Kickstarter. It was just such a terrible contradiction. Were so excited to announce this game, but not excited enough to fucking fund it. Do it yourselves, gamers, we cant be assed. Its just a terrible message when you actually break it down. It was literally just to take credit for something they arent even truly involved in, which is just stupid.
But at the end of it, at least we now have the "etherware trifecta" out of the way so people can stop fucking droning on about them. But being excited for a Kickstarter is like freaking out N64 Kid style before youve unwrapped your Christmas present.
And it looks like exclusive DLC is still a thing, thanks to Batman Arkham Knight. I started reading my book again.
And then Morpheus happened, right? Blink and you missed it, seriously. Im guessing they didnt want to sour their presser with bad news that its still not affordable to own. Save that for next year, I guess.
Blah blah Spotify blah blah PS Vue blah blah blah.
And now I guess its Sonys turn to give CoD fans their annual handjob with Black Ops 3! I was able to still read my book, go have a whole cigarette and make a cocktail on the rocks from the kitchen and it still wasn't done when I got back. More DLC exclusive and exclusive beta nonsense to top off that shit sundae.
Then the video wrap-up. "OH YEAH, we need to show off Vita! Give it 10 seconds!! Sony couldnt make it clearer that their handheld aspirations are permanently dead.
A lot of time given to Disney Infinity and Star Wars. I still havent put my book down.
And lastly, a delayed boot up of Uncharted 4: Nathan Drake Standing Still. I really felt bad for whoever fucked that up so badly.
So aside from the etherware trifecta, there was nothing really amazing to report, and some of that is shit Sony cant even take credit for but are going to try to anyways, which rubs me the absolute wrong way, and the rest of the conference was just a bore otherwise.
But still, those 3 games alone do put them above Microsoft this year.
Only 2 more of these conferences to go, let's see what other big guns are left to fire. But Sony is clearly leading the mindshare pack so far on the good graces of others.