I mean we talk about other shit we do outside of work, what we did over the weekend, our family, etc. Just feel like if it was me mentioning, "Oh I went to a show with my girlfriend Saturday" that would just be a completely normal thing to say in conversation. Doesn't seem very private to me. I'm not asking about her sex life.
It completely depends on the person but most places people don't like getting into their dating life in case they break up or there's issues. You don't talk about that stuff at work. Two girls at work that I regularly talk to/hangout with at work barely mention their boyfriends and the one just got engaged. She still talk about what she did or is going to do but just wouldn't say with who. I don't think I've ever mentioned GFs at work except maybe once because someone I'm friends with directly asked me something. I keep my private life separate from my work life.
I'm not sure what you mean by it seems bogus to the dude.
It's not a question about dating, but I think it's the most suitable thread to ask.
Long story short, I fell in love with a girl (we knew each other, we were kind of friends, but not really close as I am with other friends), I didn't say to her how I feel for months and when I did, she rejected me.
I didn't call her to hang out or to ask how she's doing, we talked a bit to the university and said hi to each other the times we met.
My question is: should I call her to hang out or to ask her how she's doing? I'm afraid that it will hurt me a bit if she says that she found someone or she will think that I want to make a move on her again or she will feel akward. On the other hand, maybe she will think that I wanted her only for sex, if I cut all contact.
Hmm, I guess just meant like if she's talking about stuff she did with her friends or whatever why is it any different to mention something she did with her boyfriend? I guess it's just me but if I was talking to any co-worker, male or female, and they asked what I did over the weekend I'd mention if I did anything out of the ordinary with my girlfriend. Just as I would if I did something with my friends. I guess it's just not a big deal to me so it seems odd to just leave it out.
It's not a question about dating, but I think it's the most suitable thread to ask.
Long story short, I fell in love with a girl (we knew each other, we were kind of friends, but not really close as I am with other friends), I didn't say to her how I feel for months and when I did, she rejected me.
I didn't call her to hang out or to ask how she's doing, we talked a bit to the university and said hi to each other the times we met.
My question is: should I call her to hang out or to ask her how she's doing? I'm afraid that it will hurt me a bit if she says that she found someone or she will think that I want to make a move on her again or she will feel akward. On the other hand, maybe she will think that I wanted her only for sex, if I cut all contact.
Don't call. If it is going to hurt you, there is no point in putting yourself in that position. You took a shot, and it didn't work out. More than what most people could say.
Hmm, I guess just meant like if she's talking about stuff she did with her friends or whatever why is it any different to mention something she did with her boyfriend? I guess it's just me but if I was talking to any co-worker, male or female, and they asked what I did over the weekend I'd mention if I did anything out of the ordinary with my girlfriend. Just as I would if I did something with my friends. I guess it's just not a big deal to me so it seems odd to just leave it out.
Hmm, I guess just meant like if she's talking about stuff she did with her friends or whatever why is it any different to mention something she did with her boyfriend? I guess it's just me but if I was talking to any co-worker, male or female, and they asked what I did over the weekend I'd mention if I did anything out of the ordinary with my girlfriend. Just as I would if I did something with my friends. I guess it's just not a big deal to me so it seems odd to just leave it out.
I think you're thinking about it wrong. It's not a big deal, that's why it's usually not differentiated. There's usually nothing added by going out of your way to mention you have a significant other. If I'm talking about a restaurant myself and my GF went to that was awesome, the point is that the restaurant is awesome, not that I have a GF. Also, you have to realize for most that "friends" and "work friends" are completely different people and you treat and tell different information to both. It's just a preference, I don't think there's anything nefarious about it or something weird on them that they're trying to hide or something.
I think you're thinking about it wrong. It's not a big deal, that's why it's usually not differentiated. There's usually nothing added by going out of your way to mention you have a significant other. If I'm talking about a restaurant myself and my GF went to that was awesome, the point is that the restaurant is awesome, not that I have a GF. Also, you have to realize for most that "friends" and "work friends" are completely different people and you treat and tell different information to both. It's just a preference, I don't think there's anything nefarious about it or something weird on them that they're trying to hide or something.
Yeah, I get you. I suppose I just thought it would have been worth mentioning so that I wouldn't get the wrong idea and then we're in that awkward position where I ask if she has a boyfriend. I mean we don't even work in the same building and she's asking me to go on walks and telling me she had dreams about me and stuff. I'm probably just salty cuz this girl is exactly my type and I kinda got my hopes up. At least it's nice having someone to talk to at work. She's still a cool person.
Don't call. If it is going to hurt you, not is no point in putting yourself in that position. You took a shoot, and it didn't work out. More than what most people could say.
Pretty much never do this again. Next time you like a girl, ask her out for drinks. Guys stress over how to ask a girl out yet this is always the best solution. And simplest.
Hey everyone. After getting advice from people here, I mustered up the courage to break up with my girlfriend. The whole context of this is that it was early in the relationship, she would tell me she loved me and she was really into it while I was saying the same just to keep her happy. This happened last Tuesday.
Now, thoughts are coming through my mind. She was my first girlfriend, and I can't tell if I am the type of person that would not normally have a girlfriend, and whether I was just lucky to have the one I had. I have things lined up in terms of meeting women but I don't know if I should interpret this as being a positive point for my situation or just a thing in my mind ( meeting up with new a chick this week, although it's just to keep me distracted, not a date, and another one comes to my city in August and wants us to meet).
Have you guys ever had this issue of thinking "Hey, maybe I was just lucky" and as soon as it ends realize you have gone back to ground zero? Is everything in my mind? Since my brother moved out of my place I feel like I have become very upfront, wanting to know early on intentions so as to not waste my time, actually initiate conversation, get phone numbers, etc, but the thoughts I had tonight made me take a step back.
For me it goes from "I can get every girl!" after I had sex with a women for the first time to "I will die alone!" after the inevitable fade on a later date.
Sadly for me the latter phase is much longer than the former.
Hmm, I guess just meant like if she's talking about stuff she did with her friends or whatever why is it any different to mention something she did with her boyfriend? I guess it's just me but if I was talking to any co-worker, male or female, and they asked what I did over the weekend I'd mention if I did anything out of the ordinary with my girlfriend. Just as I would if I did something with my friends. I guess it's just not a big deal to me so it seems odd to just leave it out.
Whenever my coworkers ask about my plans for the weekend or whatever, I never mention anyone else, period. No friends, family, or the bf. I'll be like "oh I'm going to the movies" or "I might head over to a house party" or whatever. I don't particularly want to tell my coworkers much in terms of details anyway; I mean, I'm not completely closed off (I'll tell people stuff if they ask) but I keep most info to myself anyway.
No one at work knows I have a boyfriend, where I live/who I live with (i.e., no one), that I write on the side for extra cash, and only two know that I play video games. None of these things are particularly private pieces of info I feel a need to keep to myself, I just don't share it because I don't feel it relevant for my coworkers to know, even the one or two I'm friendly with.
A lot of that stems from my previous job, where everyone was way too nosy and in everyone else's private lives, which caused a fair bit of drama. It was annoying, so I keep stuff to myself.
She probably just thought you were a cool dude and wanted to be friends. I have dreams about my friends a lot, too (but I don't tell them that, because I think telling other people about my dreams is annoying and stupid, and I don't want to hear their dreams either. A pet peeve, if you will.)
For me it goes from "I can get every girl!" after I had sex with a women for the first time to "I will die alone!" after the inevitable fade on a later date.
Sadly for me the latter phase is much longer than the former.
i've lurked this thread for a long time, and despite all the good advices i've read that fit my situation, today i'm suffering the pain of "we are only friend". i knew it was coming, all the signals were there, but i put my time and sink my heart into her. i feel so dumb. it has been the most awkward moment of my life, Being there while she friendzoned me and knowing i almost willingly put myself in that situation. fuck me.
just needed to vent and to promise me and all of you this will never happen again.
Again, fuck me
I meet a girl at a nightclub over the weekend and I think I got played. Either that or a nightclub just isn't a great place to meet women.
We talk a bit and we were REALLY into each other. Like to the point she couldn't stop taking her hands off of me. And she initiated the first move.
What really bothered me was the fact that she actually asked me, "I need to know right now if you're going to spike my drink when I leave for the bathroom." I was shocked that she would even ask me that. Maybe at that point I should have disengaged and walked over to a different area of the club.
I wanted to get her number but she didn't seem interested or heard me. She wanted to meet up some place later and we did, but she disappeared without even saying goodbye.
Probably if I go back to the club next weekend, she's either going to be there and act like nothing happened or I probably won't see her again.
i've lurked this thread for a long time, and despite all the good advices i've read that fit my situation, today i'm suffering the pain of "we are only friend". i knew it was coming, all the signals were there, but i put my time and sink my heart into her. i feel so dumb. it has been the most awkward moment of my life, Being there while she friendzoned me and knowing i almost willingly put myself in that situation. fuck me.
just needed to vent and to promise me and all of you this will never happen again.
Again, fuck me
It's not a question about dating, but I think it's the most suitable thread to ask.
Long story short, I fell in love with a girl (we knew each other, we were kind of friends, but not really close as I am with other friends), I didn't say to her how I feel for months and when I did, she rejected me.
This is to you and that other guy just above who got 'friendzoned'. Never ever vomit your feelings all over a girl that you're interested in. The problem is that you've already built a relationship in your head, so to speak. When you finally spill it to her, you've already got the relationship at like a 6/10 in your head. She's got no clue that this feelings bomb is coming at her. She may have been receptive if you came out with just a normal 'ask her out', but no feelings dump.
The word imposes an obligation put on women to owe men something for the man's feelings towards them, when this obligation isn't met then the woman is viewed negatively.
I find a lot of people like to use the term to throw the blame off themselves, like it's the woman's fault for not being interested. A lot of times, no, she's just not interested for whatever reason, and acting like you're her friend with the hopes that she'll want to date you isn't fair to anyone. Wormdundee has the rights of it. Many times, the girl doesn't even know the guy's feelings, and suddenly she's a jerk because she's not interested in this guy who's treated her "so well" and has been "so nice to her".
The word imposes an obligation put on women to owe men something for the man's feelings towards them, when this obligation isn't met then the woman is viewed negatively.
I feel like it is the opposite. The dude has not made their romantic intentions known or has failed at attracting the woman, so they are viewed negatively. It's probably some of each, actually.
Pretty much never do this again. Next time you like a girl, ask her out for drinks. Guys stress over how to ask a girl out yet this is always the best solution. And simplest.
This is to you and that other guy just above who got 'friendzoned'. Never ever vomit your feelings all over a girl that you're interested in. The problem is that you've already built a relationship in your head, so to speak. When you finally spill it to her, you've already got the relationship at like a 6/10 in your head. She's got no clue that this feelings bomb is coming at her. She may have been receptive if you came out with just a normal 'ask her out', but no feelings dump.
My fault is that I didn't see the signs or I didn't want to see the signs. I asked her to go to the movies, expecting her to come alone, but she wanted to bring a friend. Another time, I asked her to go out to talk, just her and me. She said that we will see.
Anyway, tnanks for the advice guys. I have improved my method since then (an older post of mine in this thread shows that), but I didn't know if I should contact her or not. It seems I won't contact her. It's for the best.
So, two nights ago I'm headed to a birthday party, spill some stuff on my clothes, and decide it's easier to just buy a shirt and some pants than go home and change. I stop at Target 'cause it's close, pick out a shirt and pants, and am going to head to the front, but decide to stop and see if they've got any good graphic tees. I see these, get a weird good feeling about them, and grab one.
Yesterday, I'm getting dressed, see the shirt, and decide to wear it. Later I'm at the mall, make eye contact with a girl at a Japanese food hut. Once I'm done shopping, decide to see if there's anything to that (plus I'm hungry and haven't ever tried the food at this place, so I'm killing three birds with one stone.) Walk up to the register, she says she likes the shirt. Since I get complements from guys on my shirt graphics, but from girls when I wear bright colors, so I decide to see which complement I'm getting. She says it's the Hylian Crest she likes.
I sit near the Japanese food kiosk when I seat myself, when the girl comes out I ask her what her favorite Zelda game is; she says Phantom Hourglass, we chat a bit about video games, I get her name. It then occurs to me that I'm pretty sure a girl opened a conversation with me because I was wearing a Zelda shirt, and now I'm pretty sure I'm flirting with her while talking about video games and it's working.
I get her digits, but I make a rookie nerdy mistake
and get her Friend Code digits.
Even though I feel like a dope, I still think things are going well, because she stopped working, grabbed her 3DS and brought it to where I was sitting to write down the code. Then she also invites me to a convention.
A chance to rectify my mistake comes very soon: she realizes that since I don't have my 3DS with me and the codes have to be entered manually, I'll have to get my code to her somehow. I suggest that I could text it to her, but it seems I misread something, because she does that overly big, pained smile thing and sucks air through her teeth. I guess I'm not getting a number. Then she surprises me, asks me to add her on Facebook and send my code to her that way. She literally writes her name down on a piece of paper to make sure I can spell it right and find her.
I don't know quite what to make of this. Her reaction when I asked for a number makes me feel like this is not going to be anything at all, but everything else about the conversation (she was engaged actually, eye contact, smiling, all the signs that tell me there was some interest) tells me the opposite. I guess I'll just wait to see if she actually ads me on Facebook.
I don't know quite what to make of this. Her reaction when I asked for a number makes me feel like this is not going to be anything at all, but everything else about the conversation (she was engaged actually, eye contact, smiling, all the signs that tell me there was some interest) tells me the opposite. I guess I'll just wait to see if she actually ads me on Facebook.
So, two nights ago I'm headed to a birthday party, spill some stuff on my clothes, and decide it's easier to just buy a shirt and some pants than go home and change. I stop at Target 'cause it's close, pick out a shirt and pants, and am going to head to the front, but decide to stop and see if they've got any good graphic tees. I see these, get a weird good feeling about them, and grab one.
Yesterday, I'm getting dressed, see the shirt, and decide to wear it. Later I'm at the mall, make eye contact with a girl at a Japanese food hut. Once I'm done shopping, decide to see if there's anything to that (plus I'm hungry and haven't ever tried the food at this place, so I'm killing three birds with one stone.) Walk up to the register, she says she likes the shirt. Since I get complements from guys on my shirt graphics, but from girls when I wear bright colors, so I decide to see which complement I'm getting. She says it's the Hylian Crest she likes.
I sit near the Japanese food kiosk when I seat myself, when the girl comes out I ask her what her favorite Zelda game is; she says Phantom Hourglass, we chat a bit about video games, I get her name. It then occurs to me that I'm pretty sure a girl opened a conversation with me because I was wearing a Zelda shirt, and now I'm pretty sure I'm flirting with her while talking about video games and it's working.
I get her digits, but I make a rookie nerdy mistake
and get her Friend Code digits.
Even though I feel like a dope, I still think things are going well, because she stopped working, grabbed her 3DS and brought it to where I was sitting to write down the code. Then she also invites me to a convention.
A chance to rectify my mistake comes very soon: she realizes that since I don't have my 3DS with me and the codes have to be entered manually, I'll have to get my code to her somehow. I suggest that I could text it to her, but it seems I misread something, because she does that overly big, pained smile thing and sucks air through her teeth. I guess I'm not getting a number. Then she surprises me, asks me to add her on Facebook and send my code to her that way. She literally writes her name down on a piece of paper to make sure I can spell it right and find her.
I don't know quite what to make of this. Her reaction when I asked for a number makes me feel like this is not going to be anything at all, but everything else about the conversation (she was engaged actually, eye contact, smiling, all the signs that tell me there was some interest) tells me the opposite. I guess I'll just wait to see if she actually ads me on Facebook.
She engaged with me in the conversation; she wasn't just humoring me but was actually interested in the things I was saying, giving me meaningful responses.
So, two nights ago I'm headed to a birthday party, spill some stuff on my clothes, and decide it's easier to just buy a shirt and some pants than go home and change. I stop at Target 'cause it's close, pick out a shirt and pants, and am going to head to the front, but decide to stop and see if they've got any good graphic tees. I see these, get a weird good feeling about them, and grab one.
Yesterday, I'm getting dressed, see the shirt, and decide to wear it. Later I'm at the mall, make eye contact with a girl at a Japanese food hut. Once I'm done shopping, decide to see if there's anything to that (plus I'm hungry and haven't ever tried the food at this place, so I'm killing three birds with one stone.) Walk up to the register, she says she likes the shirt. Since I get complements from guys on my shirt graphics, but from girls when I wear bright colors, so I decide to see which complement I'm getting. She says it's the Hylian Crest she likes.
I sit near the Japanese food kiosk when I seat myself, when the girl comes out I ask her what her favorite Zelda game is; she says Phantom Hourglass, we chat a bit about video games, I get her name. It then occurs to me that I'm pretty sure a girl opened a conversation with me because I was wearing a Zelda shirt, and now I'm pretty sure I'm flirting with her while talking about video games and it's working.
I get her digits, but I make a rookie nerdy mistake
and get her Friend Code digits.
Even though I feel like a dope, I still think things are going well, because she stopped working, grabbed her 3DS and brought it to where I was sitting to write down the code. Then she also invites me to a convention.
A chance to rectify my mistake comes very soon: she realizes that since I don't have my 3DS with me and the codes have to be entered manually, I'll have to get my code to her somehow. I suggest that I could text it to her, but it seems I misread something, because she does that overly big, pained smile thing and sucks air through her teeth. I guess I'm not getting a number. Then she surprises me, asks me to add her on Facebook and send my code to her that way. She literally writes her name down on a piece of paper to make sure I can spell it right and find her.
I don't know quite what to make of this. Her reaction when I asked for a number makes me feel like this is not going to be anything at all, but everything else about the conversation (she was engaged actually, eye contact, smiling, all the signs that tell me there was some interest) tells me the opposite. I guess I'll just wait to see if she actually ads me on Facebook.
She engaged with me in the conversation; she wasn't just humoring me but was actually interested in the things I was saying, giving me meaningful responses.
I don't know quite what to make of this. Her reaction when I asked for a number makes me feel like this is not going to be anything at all, but everything else about the conversation (she was engaged actually, eye contact, smiling, all the signs that tell me there was some interest) tells me the opposite. I guess I'll just wait to see if she actually ads me on Facebook.
Drop it? She won't commit so why waste your time or make yourself go crazy over it? People have to learn to respond to people over their actions not what they say. Making yourself upset over someone telling you they love you but keep blowing you off is just silly.
If working with her is going to be awkward then definitely stop now instead of pushing further. It's up to you but you keep expending energy to someone who clearly doesn't want to make it happen.
I wouldn't bother. Are you going to cross paths where leaving a good end is necessary? I don't think I've ever gotten good closure after going back to talk about it. Either they don't want to talk about it or they tell you what you want to hear. It's like there's anything to gain that will help you grow or something. I understand the desire to do it but there take isn't anything to gain from it and usually just causes things to be more awkward.
What religion are you? Are you open to converting? Her parents will probably demand that of you. I have some experience trying to make it work with a girl whose family made her commit to religion. Didn't work, various reasons why. My advice is move on, her commitment to religion will likely complicate many things for you in the future.
I meet a girl at a nightclub over the weekend and I think I got played. Either that or a nightclub just isn't a great place to meet women.
We talk a bit and we were REALLY into each other. Like to the point she couldn't stop taking her hands off of me. And she initiated the first move.
What really bothered me was the fact that she actually asked me, "I need to know right now if you're going to spike my drink when I leave for the bathroom." I was shocked that she would even ask me that. Maybe at that point I should have disengaged and walked over to a different area of the club.
I wanted to get her number but she didn't seem interested or heard me. She wanted to meet up some place later and we did, but she disappeared without even saying goodbye.
Probably if I go back to the club next weekend, she's either going to be there and act like nothing happened or I probably won't see her again.
Depending on how she said this, she could have just been joking. I've head girls say similar things and usually just respond "Too late." Just go with the flow and don't overthink things.
(but I don't tell them that, because I think telling other people about my dreams is annoying and stupid, and I don't want to hear their dreams either. A pet peeve, if you will.)
