Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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It's possible, yeah, though it can be more difficult if the Seroquel is making you feel lethargic. I don't think there's any secret trick to it, just diet and cardio exercise.
Have you tried being extremely direct with your friends? Not everyone responds to directness but over the years I've had quite a few valuable connections come out of me sitting down with a friend / roommate / family member, whomever it is who I need support from, and just being very frank that "I would appreciate it if you could listen to me talk for a bit. I'm going through a very tough time. I don't expect you to be able to fix it, it just makes me feel better to know that there are others who may sort of understand." I make sure that my tone is honest and direct, rather than sarcastic, sharp, or complaining.
It's difficult - it's sort of a gamble with your emotional vulnerability. But vulnerability is what brings us closer together. It's always the first thing we look for in others but the last thing we ourselves are willing to put out there.
Just a thought!
Bizarre. I guess some classes are like that. I think you could still be the first to strike up a conversation but yeah, that does make it harder.
There are many other options for decreasing social isolation, though. Are there any groups or social activities going on around campus or town you could join in on? Maybe a board game night at a local game shop or something?
Committing to trying media others recommend to me makes me anxious because I'm always afraid they'll get angry if I don't get around to it...BUT I'll try it. Just gimme some time
Also, after further reflection I think I had some fun with Deus Ex last night. We'll see.
Blues, I don't have any magic answers for you but I wanted you to know that I've struggled with some similar issues while trying to make friends over the past two years. Ultimately the majority of people I've put myself out there to connect with have ended up being "temporary" friends who eventually fall off the face of the earth or give me the run around. It sounds like you've exercised a tremendous amount of patience with the situation and I'd encourage you to keep that up; it's hard to say what else would help as each person is different. Sometimes being direct can help; as tough as it is to get rejected I found more success when I just started point blank asking people about specific plans. "Let's hang out Saturday night!" and things like that, rather than "when are you free?"
As much as it may seem a bit futile right now I'd encourage you to keep up with your psychiatrist, and definitely work with him/her to see if there's a way you can get to sleep more consistently. Being underslept makes everything worse...
As far as I know, no, there isn't a strong pattern of tolerance for SSRIs. That being said, you may still be adjusting to the effects of the medication and for me sometimes those adjustments were my brain finding ways to think itself "around" the medications to a certain degree. SSRIs can stop working eventually but I don't think that'd happen so quickly, as in my experience it's more of a function of your changing needs and symptoms rather than the medication changing.
I'd encourage you to keep in touch with your emotions, and also take this as an opportunity to examine what the medication helps with and what sorts of things it doesn't touch / what sorts of things you'll still need to work on on your own. Even with medications there are still ups and downs, and the same patterns of thinking that got you into funks before can send you down, just maybe not as far.
If things keep slumping in the next bit of time, increasing the dose is always something you can bring up with your doctor. So you've got options!
<3
So, so true.
I'm especially guilty of this. I have an irrationally hard time being vulnerable. I'll even intentionally lead myself into a conversation where it'd be natural to be vulnerable and then I'll just completely freeze up.
Like, I was having a good conversation with a coworker who I'm pretty close to and trust a lot, and we were just talking about life and I was like "I'm happy where I'm at right now. Which is nice because for a long time I wasn't happy where I was at." and she was like "Oh? Why's that?" and I just completely froze up and ended up with an "Uhh.... Dunno. Just reasons" or some other sort of non-answer. I ended up apologizing later for being so evasive and she understood and said if I ever needed to talk just to let her know, so it didn't end badly or anything, I was just pretty frustrated with myself. It's certainly something I need to work on.
Thank you for the excellent advice as always! I'll definitely keep all that in mind and think about those things.
depths20XX
Member
To be honest I just don't feel very comfortable opening up to guy friends that way. It's honestly easier for me to talk about that stuff to a complete stranger or girl. There was also a girl I dated for a few months last year who was very easy to open up to and even though we didn't work romantically she really helped me through a dark point.
Anyways, yesterday I made an appointment with a counselor/therapist so I'm pretty excited about that. It will be my first time going to one. I'm also buying a bike today as I really want to start biking. I took a long hard look at myself the last couple days and have come up with a sort of plan of action. I'm optimistic.
Thanks for your reply!
Johnny Ryall
Member
Prospect of living alone for the first time (with a mortgage no less) in August as well as being practically friendless at the moment is terrifying me. Too far along the process now to be cancelling, and really for my own self improvement I SHOULD move out of the family home. But I'm not sure living alone is gonna help my anxiety when I get lonely pretty easily.
Committing to trying media others recommend to me makes me anxious because I'm always afraid they'll get angry if I don't get around to it...BUT I'll try it. Just gimme some time
Also, after further reflection I think I had some fun with Deus Ex last night. We'll see.
Nah, no anger. Try it when you feel like it. Or don't, no pressure.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
No, but thanks for asking. A big part of the depression has been the concrete feeling nothing I do matters. I've never been depressed for such a long time for this reason. There's no suicidal thoughts or constant self deprecation, only the lack of drive and connection to the world.
I'm also in a state of limbo because I'm applying for disability. I never even considered it until my counselor made the suggestions. From a financial standpoint the help would be nice, but right now I only see it as a sign of my uselessness.
Gray Matter
Member
Haven't posted a like a week or two, I was
Feeling great, but the last 2 hours have been bad. It'll go away like it always does, then comeback again. It's a vicious cycle.
Just gonna listen to some pink floyd until I pass out.
Feeling great, but the last 2 hours have been bad. It'll go away like it always does, then comeback again. It's a vicious cycle.
Just gonna listen to some pink floyd until I pass out.
It can also give you some much needed space. Your space.
EdibleKnife
Member
Just turned 27 today. Got a lot of well wishes from family and friends which gave me a few smiles but just the entire day has been dour for me today. I don't even think it's related to getting older but I just felt so freaking bland and empty throughout it. Some suicidal/death ideation that I've been dealing with in counseling crept back into my head as the day's gone on and I've also felt more and more like I'm about to breakdown into tears for no reason. Hoping to feel better tomorrow but I haven't felt this bad in a long while.
Happy birthday fellow July 1st-er!
Zeyphersan
Banned
It's like people think I'm dumb or oblivious or something. I've been going through training at my job recently, and it's with the same group of people from start to finish. I know none of them like me and I know that they make fun of me when they think I'm not listening. I don't know if they think they're being subtle or what, but I know how to competently read social cues. I can tell when I'm being patronized and mocked. I'd rather they just outright say they don't want to work with me than play this game they're playing
Thought the new job would be different. Same old, same old
Hey, happy birthday to you two!
Thought the new job would be different. Same old, same old
Hey, happy birthday to you two!
It's amazing how easily my mood drops whenever I see a glimps of my ex. My mom is friends with my ex's mom on FB. My dumb ass stumbled across my ex's mom's profile while looking through my mom's friends list for a family member. Her profile pic was of her daughters. Obviously one was my ex. A 1 second glimps dropped my mood like a rock. Why does this bother me so much? Oh right, because my ex hates my guts for some reason. To mean the world to someone one minute and be utterly despised the next. Jesus.
My birthday is on July 4th and my family is coming. My grandparents, whom I haven't seen in a year (last I saw them was when I took my ex to my hometown June '14), and I can't bear to let them see me like this.
My birthday is on July 4th and my family is coming. My grandparents, whom I haven't seen in a year (last I saw them was when I took my ex to my hometown June '14), and I can't bear to let them see me like this.
disastermouse
Banned
Checking in:
I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and ADHD. I don't take meds for my ADHD anymore.
I'm seeing a PCP on Friday after work for the first time in more than two years. I'm hoping to get back on anxiolytics again and get a reference to a good psychologist.
I don't technically qualify for the BPD diagnosis anymore (no self-harm, moderately more stable close relationships, zero suicidal ideation) but I've been anhedonic and increasingly anxious for the last 2-3 years and it's time to see someone about it. Part of it is my job. I've rarely ever loved my jobs but my current one is a particularly bad fit.
I meditate semi-regularly (about once a week) and had about a year of excellent Jungian therapy from an amazing psychologist in L.A. In 2007-2008. I've basically been white-knuckling it for the last couple of years, using Kava and ashwagandha to limited effect. Part of my issue is that I just don't like asking for meds no matter how much I need them. My original dose was Ativan 1mg TID PRN, but being a travel RN, my next doctor refused to write me a new prescription for that much (which was actually okay at the time because my anxiety was at a low point at the time). I just hated the implication that I was drug-seeking and didn't want to go through it again.
Just sharing.
I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and ADHD. I don't take meds for my ADHD anymore.
I'm seeing a PCP on Friday after work for the first time in more than two years. I'm hoping to get back on anxiolytics again and get a reference to a good psychologist.
I don't technically qualify for the BPD diagnosis anymore (no self-harm, moderately more stable close relationships, zero suicidal ideation) but I've been anhedonic and increasingly anxious for the last 2-3 years and it's time to see someone about it. Part of it is my job. I've rarely ever loved my jobs but my current one is a particularly bad fit.
I meditate semi-regularly (about once a week) and had about a year of excellent Jungian therapy from an amazing psychologist in L.A. In 2007-2008. I've basically been white-knuckling it for the last couple of years, using Kava and ashwagandha to limited effect. Part of my issue is that I just don't like asking for meds no matter how much I need them. My original dose was Ativan 1mg TID PRN, but being a travel RN, my next doctor refused to write me a new prescription for that much (which was actually okay at the time because my anxiety was at a low point at the time). I just hated the implication that I was drug-seeking and didn't want to go through it again.
Just sharing.
...Can't believe it. Grabbed my Escitalopram to take it, then carried it into the bathroom with me since I was chewing some food while I grabbed it from my bedroom... And then I left it on the bathroom counter without taking it. Hoping my mom or sister don't see it and just throw it away or something since they don't know what a tiny white pill is doing on the counter.
Also forgot to take my two ibuprofen and two acetaminophen for back pain today. Yeesh.
Also forgot to take my two ibuprofen and two acetaminophen for back pain today. Yeesh.
Various Artists
Banned
I don't know what's wrong with me. In the passed 3 months I have managed to torpedo my whole life I think. It probably goes further than that who knows. Today I was offered a promotion which I declined because I would have had to lie. I was hoping for some support from my wife but all I got was venom. I tried to ruin my friendships a few months ago over some petty shit and I cussed my sister out when she got out of the hospital. I think I am hitting rock bottom. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to be free.
Rest
All these years later I still chuckle at what a fucking moron that guy is.
Even as an adult, if I was living with family, I felt burdened by their expectations of my behavior in the house, my desire not to bother them with music, guests, or other personal activities, and the need to check in before a certain time or be home, even though nobody cared about any of these things. Being in your own space can be very liberating, and get rid of a lot of stress. As for loneliness, sometimes I'd feel more alone when a bunch of people were home if no one wanted to do anything together, even if it was as simple as watching TV in the same room.
Gray Matter
Member
Affection goes a long. Today I got a (goodbye) hug from of the guys that I ride my bike with, and it just put me a good mood. I was already in a good mood but that just made it better.
Zeyphersan
Banned
You and I are in the exact same boat. I'm moving out of my parent's house around August/September and I'm trying to move into my own place. I don't have any friends, so it really will just be me alone in an apartment. I don't know how that's going to affect me, but probably negatively
Still though, being in this house would be far worse than leaving. Gotta pick the lesser of two evils
Hugs are the best.
Ugh, the stress and anxiety has really been piling up lately. I've been trying to find a job since graduating which has been bad enough, but over the past couple of weeks I've had so much random medical stuff going on.
Last week I had a random infection and blockage in one ear, so I had to go to the doctor for that and get it unblocked and prescribed an antibiotic.
I have to have a pterygium removed from my eye for the second time next Monday, and I've already seen the ophthalmologist twice about it in the past couple of weeks, then I'll have to see him three more times after the procedure itself and it's over an hour's drive from where I live. I'll have to drive to my sister's house beforehand, which is in yet another location, so that she can drive me to the surgery and to the followup the day after since I won't able to drive for a couple of days after the procedure.
I also have an appointment with a cardiologist in a couple of weeks in my hometown which is two and a half hours away to check up on my benign heart murmur.
I've already had to drive to my hometown twice just in the past couple of weeks, once a few weeks ago to see my primary care physician for a checkup and again the other day for a dentist appointment and to have a blood test and a thyroid ultrasound, the results of which I just got back and apparently I have a nodule on my thyroid. Most likely benign, but still kind of scary. So that means I'll have to go back and see the doctor again in a few weeks, plus she wants me to get another blood test, and she's also referring me to a specialist, so I'll have to make yet another appointment. Of course, due to their scheduling there's no possible way I can schedule them on the same day or within a couple of days of one another and minimize the number of trips I have to make.
And finally in just a few weeks my lease is up so I'm moving out of my apartment since I have no idea where I'll end up living because I don't have a job yet, which means I'll be moving back in with my parents, which will make it even more difficult to find a job due to their distance from larger cities, not to mention the awful internet speeds out there.
It's not even the medical stuff itself that's freaking me out, it's how it's all happening at once and forcing me to do all this traveling and shit. I'm also kind of overly dependent on my parents for a 22 year old, and they just happen to be vacationing in Europe for these few weeks so I can't really vent to them or get their advice or anything.
This is coming from a person who has trouble forcing himself to leave his apartment just to buy groceries, for reference.
Last week I had a random infection and blockage in one ear, so I had to go to the doctor for that and get it unblocked and prescribed an antibiotic.
I have to have a pterygium removed from my eye for the second time next Monday, and I've already seen the ophthalmologist twice about it in the past couple of weeks, then I'll have to see him three more times after the procedure itself and it's over an hour's drive from where I live. I'll have to drive to my sister's house beforehand, which is in yet another location, so that she can drive me to the surgery and to the followup the day after since I won't able to drive for a couple of days after the procedure.
I also have an appointment with a cardiologist in a couple of weeks in my hometown which is two and a half hours away to check up on my benign heart murmur.
I've already had to drive to my hometown twice just in the past couple of weeks, once a few weeks ago to see my primary care physician for a checkup and again the other day for a dentist appointment and to have a blood test and a thyroid ultrasound, the results of which I just got back and apparently I have a nodule on my thyroid. Most likely benign, but still kind of scary. So that means I'll have to go back and see the doctor again in a few weeks, plus she wants me to get another blood test, and she's also referring me to a specialist, so I'll have to make yet another appointment. Of course, due to their scheduling there's no possible way I can schedule them on the same day or within a couple of days of one another and minimize the number of trips I have to make.
And finally in just a few weeks my lease is up so I'm moving out of my apartment since I have no idea where I'll end up living because I don't have a job yet, which means I'll be moving back in with my parents, which will make it even more difficult to find a job due to their distance from larger cities, not to mention the awful internet speeds out there.
It's not even the medical stuff itself that's freaking me out, it's how it's all happening at once and forcing me to do all this traveling and shit. I'm also kind of overly dependent on my parents for a 22 year old, and they just happen to be vacationing in Europe for these few weeks so I can't really vent to them or get their advice or anything.
This is coming from a person who has trouble forcing himself to leave his apartment just to buy groceries, for reference.
I posted in here about a month ago about some troubles I was going through. I meant to keep updating the thread with how things were progressing but the motivation to even write up a short post just wasn't there most of the time. I've noticed a real change in the last fortnight that I figured might make for a more interesting post though, so this is that.
I started taking Citalopram (20mg) 2 months ago now and had about 3 weeks off sick from work recently. I honestly thought the day I was sent home was the start of the resignation timer but I've noticed a pretty drastic change since returning to work 2 weeks ago. To begin with, I'm finding the job itself a lot easier to deal with. I work in a call centre and whereas every single call felt like torture before, I can now put things in perspective a bit more and handle the situation a lot better. It may just be the novelty of returning from some time off, but it almost feels as if I've started a new job and I'm finding my performance has improved too. I'm a lot more outgoing and animated since returning too, I only spoke in replies before leaving but now I seem to be the most talkative person on my team, enough so that in my last meeting with my manager, they told me how numerous people had commented that I seem like a new person. It was a bit of a sappy thing to say on my part, but the only way I could explain the change to them was that I felt like because I've been down and holding myself back for so many years, it felt like I was only now discovering my personality for the first time. I'm not sure if it's the tablets taking effect, and this is not to say I suddenly feel amazing 24/7, but it's good to at least get a glimpse at how much better I could feel if I continue tackling the issue directly like I've started to.
I've also had a couple of free phone counselling sessions provided by my employer which were quite helpful, mainly for enabling me to just put things out there. I could tell where they were trying to manipulate my feelings but they did give me a little boost and they went through some abdominal breathing techniques. They also claimed that it was just anxiety I was suffering from and not depression based on my responses to certain questions and things I said in general. I have another upcoming session on Tuesday which I expect will be the last one since we seemed to run out of things to talk about last time.
So yeah, that's kind of what's been going down lately. I can definitely say, at the very least, that I feel noticeably better than I did a month ago and I'm glad I decided to use that doctor's fit note instead of ignoring it.
I'm not sure if this necessarily fits the bill for a mental health thread so feel free to ignore this but there is something else I wanted to bring up, and that's the deep feelings of loneliness I've been experiencing lately. This is something I've always felt but it does seem to be especially playing on my mind lately, even with other aspects of my mental health improving. It's just this thing that's always there, and arguably the worst part is that it'll feel worse when I'm in a group of people I actually care about, sometimes even family. I can hold conversations with people perfectly well and all of those things, but there is this constant sensation of just not fitting in. I get that this is an issue where the solution is largely dependant on the type of people you meet and interact with and so can't really be solved through advice, but does anyone perhaps have any tips for just dealing with it better?
Anyway, thanks for giving me a place to ramble. Hoping everyone here feels better or will start to soon!
I started taking Citalopram (20mg) 2 months ago now and had about 3 weeks off sick from work recently. I honestly thought the day I was sent home was the start of the resignation timer but I've noticed a pretty drastic change since returning to work 2 weeks ago. To begin with, I'm finding the job itself a lot easier to deal with. I work in a call centre and whereas every single call felt like torture before, I can now put things in perspective a bit more and handle the situation a lot better. It may just be the novelty of returning from some time off, but it almost feels as if I've started a new job and I'm finding my performance has improved too. I'm a lot more outgoing and animated since returning too, I only spoke in replies before leaving but now I seem to be the most talkative person on my team, enough so that in my last meeting with my manager, they told me how numerous people had commented that I seem like a new person. It was a bit of a sappy thing to say on my part, but the only way I could explain the change to them was that I felt like because I've been down and holding myself back for so many years, it felt like I was only now discovering my personality for the first time. I'm not sure if it's the tablets taking effect, and this is not to say I suddenly feel amazing 24/7, but it's good to at least get a glimpse at how much better I could feel if I continue tackling the issue directly like I've started to.
I've also had a couple of free phone counselling sessions provided by my employer which were quite helpful, mainly for enabling me to just put things out there. I could tell where they were trying to manipulate my feelings but they did give me a little boost and they went through some abdominal breathing techniques. They also claimed that it was just anxiety I was suffering from and not depression based on my responses to certain questions and things I said in general. I have another upcoming session on Tuesday which I expect will be the last one since we seemed to run out of things to talk about last time.
So yeah, that's kind of what's been going down lately. I can definitely say, at the very least, that I feel noticeably better than I did a month ago and I'm glad I decided to use that doctor's fit note instead of ignoring it.
I'm not sure if this necessarily fits the bill for a mental health thread so feel free to ignore this but there is something else I wanted to bring up, and that's the deep feelings of loneliness I've been experiencing lately. This is something I've always felt but it does seem to be especially playing on my mind lately, even with other aspects of my mental health improving. It's just this thing that's always there, and arguably the worst part is that it'll feel worse when I'm in a group of people I actually care about, sometimes even family. I can hold conversations with people perfectly well and all of those things, but there is this constant sensation of just not fitting in. I get that this is an issue where the solution is largely dependant on the type of people you meet and interact with and so can't really be solved through advice, but does anyone perhaps have any tips for just dealing with it better?
Anyway, thanks for giving me a place to ramble. Hoping everyone here feels better or will start to soon!
What do you mean you would have had to lie?
I haven't posted here in ages. I don't know what I feel anymore. Numb? Things aren't bad, but they aren't good, either. Life has just become one big "whatever" to me. I don't take things seriously enough for me to care about anything anymore, and it's scarier than it sounds.
Mood slightly went up towards the end of my night. Today (July 4th) is my birthday and I spent it with family. I was tired all day and memories of my ex kept popping into my head, unfortunately. Went outside after the cake and all to watch fireworks. I recently moved out of my cousin's house, the same place the get together was being hosted. Turns out the neighbor across the street has a crush on me. Her mom, drunk, came over and grabbed my arm. She took me to her place to introduce me to her daughter. I was just going along with it, confused. Turns out her daughter is actually pretty cute. She was embarrassed as shit, but still pretty. I turned 25 today and this girl doesn't turn 18 for a couple more months. Oh well. Boost of confidence knowing an attractive young lady finds me attractive.
Zeyphersan
Banned
You have the right attitude about it. Nothing has to come out of it, but knowing someone finds you attractive is a huge self-esteem boost. Happy birthday, dude!
pixelation
Member
I'm with you dude. Only in my case things are bad, but still i can't seem to care. All i want is a way out of this world, i want to cease my existence in each and every possible way.
I know how that feels, i feel like that most of the time. *digital hug*
Happy B-Day dude, glad to know that you enjoyed it.
Yeah, I'm exactly the same as you are. I don't know, I'm fine if someone is a few minutes late or if something is holding them up. But I don't like it if 9 hours have passed and they don't bother to show, or even let me know if they can't make it. Being stood up isn't cool.
I know I need to be much more lax about it, but I have lost track of the number of times when this has happened to most of my acquaintances.
I'm making an effort to do just that. I have set up an appointment for Monday to see him again, and I'll make sure to ask for solutions to cure my insomnia.
As for the friends bit, my patience for dealing with selfish people is becoming increasingly thin. I'm at the point where I feel I'm going to lash out at people, but I know I should NEVER do that in any shape or form. But I desperately want to slap or punch people for either not acknowledging my existence or not treating me with a reasonable level of respect. I'm the person that tries to solve my problems by physically solving it, & most of the advice that I've gotten have been words of encouragement. However, such words have done nothing for me. I have gone and try to solve my problems with using that advice, but it hasn't worked for me at all. And the harder I try, the worse it becomes, and I'm becoming increasingly bitter and disillusioned.
But venting it isn't helping matters either, & I'm being denied physical human contact. Maybe I should just do myself in, as the world will still go on without my passing being taken notice.
Thanks dude. It's nice to know for sure. I'd totally screw around with this chick (once she turns 18), but my cousin was saying, "don't even mess with her. If you two go to shit, her mom will go nuts at us and we live across the street." I didn't respond, but I was thinking, "I've been depressed over my ex for 7+ months and finally some girl finds me attractive that I may be able to f around with and you tell me no? Screw that shit."
Thanks man. Yeah, even if it was just a little bit.
Zeyphersan
Banned
I agree, screw that shit
MisterLuffy
Member
Piano said:I really, truly, firmly believe that you'll adjust to these discomforts just as you've adjusted (amazingly well!) to the other discomforts of the job. In fact, I think you've already adjusted to much bigger changes than the credit card upsell, and I hope you can try to take your coworkers at their word rather than jump to assuming you're annoying them.
Personally, when I worked retail, I sort of enjoyed fielding newer employees' questions. Being able to answer and teach them things made me feel like I was good at what I did, you know?
I really think you're doing a great job, MisterLuffy. I know it doesn't feel that way, but the progress you've made with this job over the past few weeks really, really is obvious.
Thanks. I'm trying, it's just some people doesn't want one even if I state the benefits. I only got three people to sign up for the credit cards.
Today sucks, I feel like I didn't do a great job in recovering clothes. I don't hate recovery, its just I couldn't do a better job in recovering than others.
QuiteWhittle
Member
Jesus, I need help. I haven't slept more than three hours a day all week, I've barely eaten in the same timeframe, tension throughout my face and neck, I'm so restless that I'm numbed my legs from near continuous walking, and I can't focus on anything else. I'm getting more delirious by the hour and stuck in my apartment with no car or no way out for the next week or so. I scheduled an appointment with a doctor who's only a couple of minutes away for Monday that I can walk to but I'm not sure if I can last that long. What's wrong with me?
terrisus
Member
I just hate my life so much. I regret so many of the decisions that I've made, I hate where my life has ended up, I hate that there are so many things about my life that I'm stuck with and can't change, and I hate that some of my other problems seen so easy for people to just say for me to do something about, but I can't, and so it's basically just my fault for all of this, and I'm just so pathetic and worthless, and would be better off dead.
EdibleKnife
Member
Thanks!
Happy Belated Birthday and Canada Day! Luckily I've pulled myself out of that funk I was in.
What's so bad about your life? Or were you just venting?
littletran22
Member
*Internet Hug*
terrisus
Member
I'll copy and paste a bunch of junk I posted in another thread the other day, since I know it's a better fit here, and I feel bad dumping all that stuff on them and messing up that thread:
Sorry for the mish-mash of stuff, some of which is kind of unclear without the full conversations they were part of. Hopefully the fact that it's just a bunch of quotes here will make it easier to skip over for those who don't want to be bothered by it.
How long have you been married?
terrisus
Member
Want to know the average median duration of a marriage*?
edited: *that ended in divorce.
terrisus
Member
Now how many of those people who initiated it have had cancer and a stroke?
Yeah, I know, everyone has their own set of problems to deal with, and it always seems worse than most other people's, I know...
But, you know, things aren't always that easy to deal with.
The answer is around 7.
I just meant human beings are funny when you take out all the emotional baggage and look at the statistics.
Do you love your wife?
I just meant human beings are funny when you take out all the emotional baggage and look at the statistics.
Do you love your wife?
terrisus
Member
I figured as much :þ
It's funny to say, considering I have a Bachelor's in Mathematics, but, my life would have gone so much better if I had just followed the "statistically optimal" step at each point.
I've tried.
So you want to love your wife? Do I have that correct?
FilthyLies
Member
Sounds like you are experiencing a manic episode.
I'm so glad you've found a bit of optimism! It's always nice to have some things you can get excited about and hey - I love biking so I'm very much in support of that. Biking can be quite therapeutic. I used to hop on my bike sometimes when I was anxious or angry and just pedal as hard as I could to get it out. Exercise in general, of course, can lift the mood and relieve anxiety, but there's something about biking in particular that worked for me.
Unfortunately these days I live in a hilly area so I've had to transition to running instead, which isn't nearly as fun.
I've had similar issues opening up with guy friends; nearly all of my close friends or those I feel comfortable opening up to over the last few years have been females. It's worth examining that pattern though: what is it about males that makes them less "safe" to open up to? Is it specific to your male friends or is it something about males in general?
I found it has gotten a bit easier as I've gotten older, at least with the guy friends I've had for a while, because we've been able to level with each other. Like, let's say I've known x friend for 6 years now, I know he's been through tough times, but he's never talked to me about it. There are a few folks I know in that sort of circumstance that I've been able to bring up how we don't cry in front of each other or let out our vulnerabilities and it leads to a good conversation about what we have struggled with in the past few years, where we go to for comfort and why our views on masculinity make it so difficult to connect to one another in that way.
There are up and down sides to living alone, but as long as you stay open to it, it will at the very least be a big learning experience. Loneliness is profoundly unpleasant but I also believe it's a deeply valuable emotion; nothing has motivated me to think long and hard about what I need from life, what I need from other people, and how I can get it quite like feeling lonely. Really, everyone has periods of loneliness, it's natural, but much of the time we reflexively try to shut it out (or drown it out with alcohol) or avoid it because it's just so damn unpleasant.
A tip from my year of living alone to yours: make sure you get out of the house every day. At least go for a half hour walk. I had trouble getting sucked into holes of never leaving, even though that made everything feel worse and the loneliness just grow and grow.
On the other hand, there's a wonderful freedom to living alone. Nobody else's needs to worry about, just suiting your own living space to your desires. It can be quite nice.
I know it's stating the obvious, but applying for disability does not make you useless; disability benefits were established precisely to help those who need an extra hand due to the depth of their struggles.
My question is, what is sapping you of your drive? Is the lack of connection taking away your drive? Or is it a lack of reward from the activities you do partake in? Maybe those are both basically the same question! Is there anything you are driven to do?
Hope your application turns out well, AHB
What are your favorite Floyd albums?
I only listened to them for the first time last fall and ended up going through a brief binge period.
(I hope your suffering has since lifted, at least somewhat)
Moving sucks. No way around it. I hope you're able to take it one day, one hour, one moment at a time in order to keep it manageable, Rainy.
The societal pressure to make a birthday something SPECIAL and some sort of culmination of a year can be utter agony sometimes. I really, really loathe birthdays. I don't enjoy New Years for the same reason.
I hope things have cleared up somewhat now that you've gotten past your birthday. Please be sure to mention your suicide ideation to your counselor and if you're ever feeling motivated to action please emergency care. <3
Jeez, I'm sorry to hear that Zeyphersan. Do you have any read on why they're making fun of you? Do they make fun of other people, too? Is this something you can bring up with a supervisor?
That's simply no fun. People can be quite mean.
I'm glad you're taking steps for further treatment, disastermouse. I hope you can keep us posted! I think you should definitely keep up the meditation if you can - it has been tremendously helpful for me
Free in what way? What are the chains that bind you? Is it your own mind? The feelings of others? The circumstances of reality?
I'm sorry you're suffering, JP84
Jeez.
It sounds like you're going through a tremendously, extremely, profoundly unpleasant set of circumstances Steamlord. I don't have any magic advice, but I want to say that I'm glad you've been able to keep up with the changing medical circumstances as they've been dealt to you, and I admire that you've risen to the occasion. I hope things clear up soon.
I'm so so so so glad to hear that, SugarDave
If the counseling is helpful for you I'd really encourage you to seek further counseling / therapy once your phone sessions are up. Or at least know that that's an option!
I don't have any stellar advice in the sense that there's no way, that I've found, to just get rid of loneliness or make it go away. Loneliness is persistent. That being said, loneliness is also quite valuable (as I mentioned in one of my replies above), and there's a ton you can learn from your loneliness if you take the time to sit with it, feel it, think about it, examine it, and see what you find. It seems like there's some sort of connection to others or the world that you need that isn't currently being fulfilled. Luckily our world is quite malleable and it's definitely possible to find that type of connection ... but first you have to figure out what it is you're missing. What sorts of things, if any, do give you a strong sense of connection to those around you? Does the loneliness correlate with any other circumstances? What does the loneliness feel like? Is it always the same or does it change?
I could go on with a million more questions, but ultimately, it's best if you find the questions as well as the answers.
Personally, I've had a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on for the past year, where no matter what I do during the day, even if I'm with friends doing stuff all day sometimes at night I just get walloped with loneliness. I found it very helpful to make sure I put aside time right before bed every night to just sit on the floor and let myself feel whatever feelings I've been avoiding. I usually cry a little bit, and sometimes I write out whatever comes to mind about my feelings or about my day. Over time I've been able to examine these feelings and my writings and learn more about what I need from my friends and my time with them.
So I would say that putting aside time to think and write can be quite helpful.
Either way, I hope you can find some clarity, SugarDave.
Welcome back Windam! What's scaring you about not taking things seriously? Also, are you receiving any treatment these days?
A little confidence boost is always nice
Happy birthday, Infinity Patriot!
I'm not sure how much my opinion is worth to you, Blues1990, but I don't think you should do yourself in.
I find it notable how much anger you're feeling - have you discussed that with anyone? Anger can be a strong marker to help us find the underlying vulnerabilities that fuel it.
I hope things are at least bearable this week.
Well, for what it's worth, I've never signed up for a store credit card. It doesn't matter if the benefits are great I just ... don't want another credit card. You know? I'm sure that's the situation for TONS of people who come through your lane, it's definitely not something personal!
And we can't all do a great job at everything all the time. Luckily you've done a great job in the past and have plenty of time to do a great job in the future
. And in the overall sense, I do think you're doing a great job!I'm sorry to hear you're suffering, QuiteWhittle. Your appointment is Monday, as in tomorrow? I hope you're able to make it there, and if you're not, please seek emergency care immediately.
It sounds as though isolation in your apartment isn't helping. Could you go for a walk or bike or run or talk to someone on the phone?
First of all, I'm really sorry things are extremely tough right now, terrisus. I read through everything you posted and the circumstances sound like no joke. I'm not sure whether I've got any great advice but I'll offer what thoughts I do have.
What's most clear to me, reading through your posts, is that things HAVE to change. They sound simply unbearable as is and it's obviously taking a toll on you. Lifestyle, marriage, your feelings toward your past and yourself - they all seem tremendously difficult to deal with at this point.
I really, truly, believe that all of them are able to be improved or changed. I can't offer you any ultra-specific advice because, well, I don't know the ultra-specifics of your health circumstances, your finances, your lifestyle, your personality or your marriage. I know you mentioned that you're in counseling for your marriage but I would also strongly encourage you to seek out individual therapy or counseling in order to have some time each week dedicated to just thinking through your issues and how you can work at improving them. Even when things are dark like this, it sounds as though there are things that are rewarding for you and you long for those things; there must be a way to bring them into your life, even given the limitations of your health. Life is negotiable, you know? There are so many ways to live a life and so many ways to make a life of any sort feel fulfilling. We just have to spend some time figuring it out.
I'm quite struck by how much difficulty you seem to be having accepting your past and the circumstances that have led to your present situation. It's so very very difficult to move forward with that level of regret and disdain and, again, I think that's something that would benefit greatly from some personal attention and some critical thought. It seems to be doubling the heaviness of everything else that's going on.
I don't have any fantastic advice. I wish I did. This is something that's obviously going to take a lot more time and effort than just a few posts on a message board, but I do firmly believe that just as you feel x y and z decisions got you into the difficult circumstances where you find yourself, a b and c decisions could help you start to find a way out. Obviously it's not that simple and it'll take a lot of time and sweat, but it is possible, you know? I really believe that, despite my own repeating thoughts of hopelessness. It's not hopeless. You're not hopeless. You're not beyond change. Change is inevitable; everything is changing, always. It's just a matter of learning how we can move with that change and have it help improve things for us.
For what it's worth, mindfulness and meditation have helped me a lot with accepting my past and being more at peace with the things I heavily, heavily regret.
Putting pen to paper has also helped me when I'm really feeling the heat of it all. Just put a pen to paper and see what comes out.
I hope I've offered something of some value, terrisus. Let me know if there's anything I can do.
<3
terrisus
Member
I don't really feel that I have any other options.
Stockholm Syndrome, if you will.
It's going to take me some time and effort to really process all of this post.
Until I manage to do that - I just want to say thank you.
Okay. One last question. How do you think love manifests in the brain? As in physiologically..
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