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[ZackieChan]

Don't try, do.

This. Do it once, whatever happens happens. Don't try again if she's not into it. Otherwise you're being weird.

You guys are so lucky you have the internet to help you out. I had no idea how to ask girls out when I was younger - it was a complete disaster. Hung around in a hallmark shop for 2 hours until I worked up the courage to ask the cashier out. Was super creepy. Wish I'd know how to play it cool.

She never called me, BTW.

Edit: "Oh, okay"? Could mean disinterest, too. Has she followed up? How did you make your intentions known?

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

This. Do it once, whatever happens happens. Don't try again if she's not into it. Otherwise you're being weird.

You guys are so lucky you have the internet to help you out. I had no idea how to ask girls out when I was younger - it was a complete disaster. Hung around in a hallmark shop for 2 hours until I worked up the courage to ask the cashier out. Was super creepy. Wish I'd know how to play it cool.

She never called me, BTW.

Edit: "Oh, okay"? Could mean disinterest, too. Has she followed up? How did you make your intentions known?

No and Not really.

Just made small talk.

 

[Llyranor]

At this point, as long as you're back in your country... who cares if it's her birthday? It sounds mean, but she's at least emotionally cheated on you. You don't need to care about her feelings, she clearly doesn't care for yours.

EDIT: Whoops, double posted.

I agree with this. The bday is moot.

Or you could say happy birthday and dump her, I guess.

 

[tch]

Ah OK let me explain qlittle better. Before I found out she was texting this other dude I was 100% interested in taking the relationship to the next step yada yada.... So the things I admitted to her were the feelings I truthfully had before finding out. Now that I've found out though... My feelings are different. I'm bitter, disgusted, emotionally alone, fed up etc
...

OK thanks man.... One more thing to add to this situation... Her birthday is next week.

Ok gotcha that makes sense. Yeah I agree with gaiges, don't let her birthday affect your actions.

Or you could say happy birthday and dump her, I guess.

I personally wouldn't do this though haha

 

[Ric Flair]

That's something you need to get over. To say one of those corny sayings, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and women generally aren't going to make the first move, for a variety of reasons. You can't really get a girlfriend, or even before that go on a date, if you don't ask anyone out, right? If she says no, yeah that's a major bummer, but then not only do you know she feels, but you have the ability to "move on", and try to find someone else. It's rarely a matter of whether or not you're "desirable", most people are desirable as long as they aren't mega douche bags... and even those can get SOs, so... yeah.

You need to at least try to ask her out :3

To add to this rejection isn't the colossal sized failure event that we often make it out to be in our heads. It's usually an "Oh, okay" kind of moment. Most women will let you down easy and take your number/ give you theirs so the blow doesn't even hurt, just out of respect that you had the balls to ask. Its a dying art, which makes it all the more attractive when someone comes along and tries pulling it off in person. I found online dating to be twice as hard (putting it kindly) due to all the competition you face. If you approach someone in person they don't have 50 other guys doing it at the same time as you.

 

[Unai]

Alright. When I first spoke to her I basically let her know I had intentions for her. She didn't object to this. All she said was "Oh okay" with a smile.

Would you mind explaning better how you let her know your intentions?

 

[GutsOfThor]

You guys ever see a woman that just grabs your attention and stops you in your tracks?
I eat lunch in the cafeteria before my afternoon class and last week this beautiful woman walked in and sat down across the room and I was just captivated by her( so was the guy sitting at the table next to mine lol). She's in there every day I'm there and every time I see her I can't help but think to myself that the man that ends up being in her life is very lucky.

Sorry just had to get this off my chest.

 

[ZackieChan]

Would you mind explaning better how you let her know your intentions?

No and Not really.

Just made small talk.

You do realize that men and women make small talk all the time, right? That doesn't get across that your intention is to ask them out. She replied "oh, OK" to your small talk?

Shit or get off the pot, homey.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Would you mind explaning better how you let her know your intentions?

You do realize that men and women make small talk all the time, right? That doesn't get across that your intention is to ask them out. She replied "oh, OK" to your small talk?

Shit or get off the pot, homey.

I can't really explain shit.

 

[Spirit3]

A girl I loved for 2 years broke it off and then kept me within arms reach for a year while she was messing around with another guy and I think the drama from the last few months has just caught up with me and smacked me for six. Then she tells me I'm to good for her and that I deserve better. FML feeling really blue at the moment.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I can't really explain shit.

You still haven't explained though, what did you do to make your intentions known?

 

[Reizo Ryuu]

Nobody remembers all those details about "acquaintances". I think you do like her.

The issue resolved itself anyway. You're no longer coworkers so you won't see each other every day. If she contacts you, keep things cordial.

There is a bit of a follow up to this, I mean nothing has really changed, but she gave me a reaction yesterday I wasn't really expecting.
I'm working fewer hours now and yesterday she asked why I didn't go to work. As a joke I said I quit.
Her reaction to this was first disbelief and then how she was gutted she wasn't going to see me again when she comes back part-time.
The convo went on a bit about how I didn't understand why she was reacting so strongly to this, seeing has how we haven't seen each other for ~3 weeks now, to which she responds that she really does miss me and how this hurts and how she feels empty now :/.

I didn't really respond to her saying she misses me because I felt like she really wanted me to say it back, so she just responded with "but whatever, you don't need/want to see me anyway". After this I jokingly asked her if she was mad and how I actually did invite her to come see a movie she went on and on about wanting to see.
She offered to go see it today then, but I dunno about this situation so I just said I was going to hang with friends, to which she just responded "ok next time".

Problem is I'm actually already going to see that movie with some other people today...

 

[iBlue]

A girl I loved for 2 years broke it off and then kept me within arms reach for a year while she was messing around with another guy and I think the drama from the last few months has just caught up with me and smacked me for six. Then she tells me I'm to good for her and that I deserve better. FML feeling really blue at the moment.

Know that feeling bro, you deserve a better person fuck her.

 

[navii]

A girl I loved for 2 years broke it off and then kept me within arms reach for a year while she was messing around with another guy and I think the drama from the last few months has just caught up with me and smacked me for six. Then she tells me I'm to good for her and that I deserve better. FML feeling really blue at the moment.

don't hang around xs that you have feelings for, it drains your confidence and the ability to find a new partner. the quicker you get away the quicker you will eventually find genuine happiness. unfortunately some of us have to find this out the hard way,

 

[gaiages]

I can't really explain shit.

Unless you explicitly said, "I like you, and I wanna take you out on a date/go out for drinks or coffee alone", you did not make your intentions known.

Ask.
Her.
Out.

Nothing else.
Just that.

A girl I loved for 2 years broke it off and then kept me within arms reach for a year while she was messing around with another guy and I think the drama from the last few months has just caught up with me and smacked me for six. Then she tells me I'm to good for her and that I deserve better. FML feeling really blue at the moment.

Damn bro, that sucks... I'm really sorry to hear that! It's okay to feel sad, but remember to do you to help you feel a little better (working out, engaging in your hobbies, that sort of thing). It'll get better!

.

Don't cancel your plans for her. By the tone of those messages, it sounds like she's trying to be an attention hog, and get upset when you didn't play along.

Remember, she has a boyfriend (she still does, right?). Don't get caught up in that drama.

 

[Reizo Ryuu]

Don't cancel your plans for her. By the tone of those messages, it sounds like she's trying to be an attention hog, and get upset when you didn't play along.

Remember, she has a boyfriend (she still does, right?). Don't get caught up in that drama.

Yeah wasn't planning on canceling, I'm just going to see how she reacts to me going without her.

 

[Llyranor]

Why are you so interested in her reaction, anyway? She has a bf

 

[Reizo Ryuu]

What she has doesn't concern me, she's just another person to me, and it's irrelevant anyway because I'm not interested in her reaction, but I am expecting one.

 

[ZackieChan]

What she has doesn't concern me, she's just another person to me, and it's irrelevant anyway because I'm not interested in her reaction, but I am expecting one.

Sounds like you are, breh

 

[Reizo Ryuu]

How?

 

[Llyranor]

You're posting about her on a dating thread?

 

[Reizo Ryuu]

I posted about an annoying situation, the follow up is just a little bit of extra. (because I was/am honestly surprised/confused by this)
I don't care about her reaction, just like I don't care about anything else she's doing in her life; as I mentioned in my first post, I kept my distance from her and regard her as just an acquaintance.

99% of our interactions are started by her.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I posted about an annoying situation, the follow up is just a little bit of extra. (because I was/am honestly surprised/confused by this)
I don't care about her reaction, just like I don't care about anything else she's doing in her life; as I mentioned in my first post, I kept my distance from her and regard her as just an acquaintance.

99% of our interactions are started by her.

Bro, you can lie to yourself but don't lie to us. You spent half a page giving unnecessary information and then saying you don't care about her reaction but are also already prepping for it. If you didn't care you wouldn't talk about it, it's literally that simple.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Bro, you can lie to yourself but don't lie to us. You spent half a page giving unnecessary information and then saying you don't care about her reaction but are also already prepping for it. If you didn't care you wouldn't talk about it, it's literally that simple.

Yep, he even quoted my post that no one remembers all these details about acquaintances. He does like the attention she gives him and is receptive, which is why she continues to interact with him.

 

[Reizo Ryuu]

Yep, he even quoted my post that no one remembers all these details about acquaintances. He does like the attention she gives him and is receptive, which is why she continues to interact with him.

I don't understand, your advice was to "keep things cordial" (this is why I quoted it), are you now saying I shouldn't have been?

Also I don't understand what was "unnecessary" information, the way she acted is literally why I posted it.

 

[Afrocious]

A part of me feels like participating in this thread, but I feel like I have a lot of weight to bring to the table lol.

Gonna lurk for a bit to see what goes on in this thread.

 

[gaiages]

Yep, he even quoted my post that no one remembers all these details about acquaintances. He does like the attention she gives him and is receptive, which is why she continues to interact with him.

For real. I had to backtrack through a lot of quoted posts to remember what his exact situation was in the first place. Thank goodness for that little > button.

Dude, it's okay for you to feel how you feel, but it's obvious you 'care' about how she'll react by ignoring her, simply because you ignored her already, she got pissy, and then you responded. You just want to "see how she responds"? Come on, we all know how someone like her is going to respond: She's gonna get sad/mad that you're not giving her all your attention. If you didn't care, you wouldn't 'provoke' her (for lack of a better word) and see her response. Even if your care isn't "I like her and want her to give me attention" care and something a little meaner ("haha, I like watching her get mad when I don't give her attention!"), it's still there.

GAF knows all.

I don't understand, your advice was to "keep things cordial" (this is why I quoted it), are you now saying I shouldn't have been?

Also I don't understand what was "unnecessary" information, the way she acted is literally why I posted it.

I think (and how I understood it) was that you quoted his post, which only had a small amount of info on your situation, as opposed to one or your own posts or a post that would better put the situation you were in in a proper light. Like I said, I had to go back multiple posts to find out this girl had a bf, as I had forgotten. Had I not done that, my advice would have been different.

I may be incorrect, though. Just what I thought he meant.

A part of me feels like participating in this thread, but I feel like I have a lot of weight to bring to the table lol.

Gonna lurk for a bit to see what goes on in this thread.

Welcome bro/sis :3 If you ever feel like you have advice to give (even if you think it's "bad"), feel free to give it! Varying opinions are always great.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I don't understand, your advice was to "keep things cordial" (this is why I quoted it), are you now saying I shouldn't have been?

Also I don't understand what was "unnecessary" information, the way she acted is literally why I posted it.

By "cordial" I mean "treat her like an acquaintance". I would probably never joke with an acquaintance about quitting a job (kind of taboo in an office environment), and I wouldn't invite one to a movie.

She says she misses you because she wants attention. You don't say it back to antagonize her. By antagonizing her she gives you more attention and while you brush it off on the outside, inside you're happy.

I'm not saying this is "wrong": humans like attention. If someone said they missed me I would take it as a compliment, whether or not they're single. Antagonizing her, I feel, is a bit high-schoolish but that's just my opinion. There are better ways to get attention.

It's okay to like her: denying it just makes it more obvious to us. Just don't do anything douchey like try to break up her relationship or make a move. But by acknowledging that you have feelings for her, it will make the (inevitable) end easier to take. She won't leave her boyfriend for you, and you won't win her over no matter how long you wait. Move on.

So yes, if she continues to interact with you, be polite but don't antagonize her, and don't do anything outside of work.

 

[Reizo Ryuu]

By "cordial" I mean "treat her like an acquaintance". I would probably never joke with an acquaintance about quitting a job (kind of taboo in an office environment), and I wouldn't invite one to a movie.

She says she misses you because she wants attention. You don't say it back to antagonize her. By antagonizing her she gives you more attention and while you brush it off on the outside, inside you're happy.

I'm not saying this is "wrong": humans like attention. If someone said they missed me I would take it as a compliment, whether or not they're single. Antagonizing her, I feel, is a bit high-schoolish but that's just my opinion. There are better ways to get attention.

It's okay to like her: denying it just makes it more obvious to us. Just don't do anything douchey like try to break up her relationship or make a move. But by acknowledging that you have feelings for her, it will make the (inevitable) end easier to take. She won't leave her boyfriend for you, and you won't win her over no matter how long you wait. Move on.

So yes, if she continues to interact with you, be polite but don't antagonize her, and don't do anything outside of work.

Google told me cordial meant warm and friendly, someone I don't socialise with doesn't get that from me normally.
I didn't say it back because I didn't want to, not to "antagonise" her.
Also move on from what? I don't talk to her.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

You still haven't explained though, what did you do to make your intentions known?

I'm a vauge mother fucker.

Unless you explicitly said, "I like you, and I wanna take you out on a date/go out for drinks or coffee alone", you did not make your intentions known.

Ask.
Her.
Out.

Nothing else.
Just that.

I don't do that often. *sigh*

It's scary, bro.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

I'm a vauge mother fucker.


I don't do that often. *sigh*

It's scary, bro.

That's seriously your response? FFS

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I'm a vauge mother fucker.


I don't do that often. *sigh*

It's scary, bro.

You're undeniably going to get a better response if you're direct with her rather than lingering around and telling her that you have "vague intentions" for her.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

That's seriously your response? FFS

Okay, I don't remember what I said...

Something like I've been trying to get her attention over the last couple of weeks.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Give me a script.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Give me a script.

You had one:

Unless you explicitly said, "I like you, and I wanna take you out on a date/go out for drinks or coffee alone", you did not make your intentions known.

Ask.
Her.
Out.

Nothing else.
Just that.

You can even omit the "I like you" part. I think simpler is better. The closer you can get to "Hey, how about grabbing a drink Friday night at 8?" the better.

 

[GK86]

That isn't a problem.

When you see her on Monday, pull her to the side, ask her if she is free on the weekend and ask her out.

When it comes to this kind of stuff, just be direct and do it quick. Sort of like pulling off a band-aid, do it fast. Don't stand there and talk about your life story.

Just make sure of two things. That you are confident when you ask her out. And that you are cool with dating someone from your workplace.

Advice given back on 6/27, Gooch.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Alright, alright, no more beating around the bush.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Google told me cordial meant warm and friendly, someone I don't socialise with doesn't get that from me normally.
I didn't say it back because I didn't want to, not to "antagonise" her.
Also move on from what? I don't talk to her.

You're giving us a lot of minute conversation details for someone you don't talk to. We've already established that she likes the attention she gets from you, and she continues to interact with you because you respond. Whether or not she "misses you" or thinks you're a meanie is irrelevant. She's doing it for attention. It's possible that she actually likes you but it's established that she has a boyfriend already so it's just harmless flirting/teasing.

To be honest I'm not sure why you keep posting here about this girl. You continue to deny that you like her (despite all signs pointing otherwise) and her behaviour has been explained before. It's almost like you enjoy the attention you get from her and this thread...

 

[Reizo Ryuu]

I came back to the thread because I was confused about her mini freakout, but if she's doing it just for attention then I guess the issue is resolved and I won't post about her again.

 

[stn]

@Reizo Ryuu

Its very simple. Do you like the girl? Doesn't matter, she has a boyfriend and is using you for attention. Do you not like the girl? If you have no interest in talking to her then just disappear. Unless you care to be her friend or are interested in meeting female friends she has, don't waste your time talking to her.

 

[FaintColt388301]

This is the the part that really shows you weren't just keeping it casual and treating her as an acquaintance

As a joke I said I quit.
Her reaction to this was first disbelief and then how she was gutted she wasn't going to see me again when she comes back part-time.
The convo went on a bit about how I didn't understand why she was reacting so strongly to this, seeing has how we haven't seen each other for ~3 weeks now, to which she responds that she really does miss me and how this hurts and how she feels empty now :/

If you didn't care and were just being friendly, you would have quickly stopped and said you didn't actually quit. But you let it go further, asked her more questions about her feelings towards you, and then just pretended you don't care.

You might have not done anything strictly wrong but you were definitely feeding the fire. I understand you might not be pursuing it and were just messing around but leave it be.

 

[BoogerFart]

I generally see people say dating in the work place is a big nope. I'm really connecting with someone and it seems like a shame to not venture further because of some stigma. Is this stigma fading at all?

 

[GK86]

I generally see people say dating in the work place is a big nope. I'm really connecting with someone and it seems like a shame to not venture further because of some stigma. Is this stigma fading at all?

Answer these questions to yourself:

1) Do you give a shit about your job?
2) Are you her boss in anyway? Or vice versa?
3) Are you comfortable with keeping your relationship on the down low?
4) Can you handle the fallout when things go bad?
5) Do you give a shit about your job?

 

[FaintColt388301]

I generally see people say dating in the work place is a big nope. I'm really connecting with someone and it seems like a shame to not venture further because of some stigma. Is this stigma fading at all?

I've done it twice now and it's really not so bad. I think the main factors are how closely do you work together and how do you and the other person handle break ups.

I work at a university doing enrollment and the first person I dated from work and I worked directly with each other, same job. It was fun for awhile but became too much. She ended up getting a better job in another department but still worked closely with me. When we broke up it was super weird. It still is, not for me though. I tried to keep it friendly and whatnot but she couldn't handle that. I'm not gonna speak for her but from what I can see she is still having problems with it. She will do weird little things like scoff at me or try to close doors on me. But that's just her personality. It's awkward and silly but it's kind of funny at this point. Nothing I'd need to leave my job over.

I've been dating another girl I work with for a month now and it's actually been going really great. We watch shows during lunch, I can stop in and see her if I get bored, knowing each others jobs and the people leads to good conversations, and she's doesn't work directly with me so I still have my space. This has easily been the most comfortable and happy I've been with somebody. Even if things go south we're both super calm and level headed so I don't think I need to worry about anything. I know I can handle myself professionally through it and I think she could too.

I say go for it. Just know yourself and who you're getting involved with. It doesn't always have to be a break up and there goes your job situation.

 

[QuantumBro]

I'm in a bit of a predicament right now and could use some advice. I met this girl on Tinder around 2-3 weeks ago and have gone out on 2 dates with her (1.5 really since the second one was us playing PS4 games together, both of which she initiated). I asked her out last week, but she cancelled a few hours before since she didn't think there would be enough time before she went to work later that day. We haven't talked that much since then, because she went on a trip the next day. I texted her during the weekend to see how it was going, but she responded with short answers. She should be back in town now but I haven't heard from her; just wondering if I should text her and ask if she's back, or move on to other people?

 

[GK86]

I would send a text and move on after that.

 

[Alpha Centauri]

I'm in a bit of a predicament right now and could use some advice. I met this girl on Tinder around 2-3 weeks ago and have gone out on 2 dates with her (1.5 really since the second one was us playing PS4 games together, both of which she initiated). I asked her out last week, but she cancelled a few hours before since she didn't think there would be enough time before she went to work later that day. We haven't talked that much since then, because she went on a trip the next day. I texted her during the weekend to see how it was going, but she responded with short answers. She should be back in town now but I haven't heard from her; just wondering if I should text her and ask if she's back, or move on to other people?

Stop texting completely and move on to other people. You've done your dilligence by checking in with her while she was gone on the trip. If she is interested still, she will hit you up in the next few days and re-evaluate from there. She'll probably hit you with a "hey stranger" type convo.

If she doesn't respond, you save yourself a week of waiting for somebody who is already hooking up with another tinder date.

 

[Miroku129]

I'm in a bit of a predicament right now and could use some advice. I met this girl on Tinder around 2-3 weeks ago and have gone out on 2 dates with her (1.5 really since the second one was us playing PS4 games together, both of which she initiated). I asked her out last week, but she cancelled a few hours before since she didn't think there would be enough time before she went to work later that day. We haven't talked that much since then, because she went on a trip the next day. I texted her during the weekend to see how it was going, but she responded with short answers. She should be back in town now but I haven't heard from her; just wondering if I should text her and ask if she's back, or move on to other people?

It happened to me several times in Tinder. Dont send messages and move on. If she contacts you, great. Otherwise, do not worry.

 

[Afrocious]

Since we're talking about Tinder, I have a question:

I don't know if it's a personality thing or my looks, but online dating has flunked for me. The girls I meet? I'm quite uninterested in them, and the girls I do want to meet don't respond lol. I think there's a saying about this, but I'm forgetting it.

I go on OKCupid, Tinder, and PlentyOfFish and the more I use them, the more I kind of wish I could find not only girls but just people like myself who are into 'geekier/nerdier' stuff without being obsessive and kind of care about what they're doing in their life. I go on these sites and I feel lonelier than I have ever been haha.

Maybe I'm just a terrible date and flirt. No clue. It's frustrating and has lead to depression a few times.

 

[Miroku129]

I go on OKCupid, Tinder, and PlentyOfFish and the more I use them, the more I kind of wish I could find not only girls but just people like myself who are into 'geekier/nerdier' stuff without being obsessive and kind of care about what they're doing in their life. I go on these sites and I feel lonelier than I have ever been haha.

Tinder is not a place to meet people geek or nerd, it is rather to hang out and have some fun (if you know what I mean)

I recommend you look for people like us elsewhere. I also dug in Tinder looking nice girls with similar tastes to mine but I only found disappointment.