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[Mobile Suit Gooch]

I'm assuming you mean someone other than the chick you were interested in before? You're being really vague again. And what do you mean you don't know what's ok anymore?

I mean don't understand how to act around girls that I'm interested in. Y'know playing it cool and all that. It's too awkward for me and too complex to understand how some guys make it look easy. I can flirt but well, I don't think it's doing me any good. I crack jokes but should I stop doing that too in order for girls my age to take me seriously?

Yeah, I need to stop being so vague.

 

[FaintColt388301]

You all have valid points, and the answer I expected to receive.

What I'm struggling with is just... "Why?"

As it has been said it can be a ton of things. When it's one of these clean breaks, things were great things I usually attribute it to a couple things.

The first thing being attraction and a grass is greener mindset. She's probably getting attention elsewhere, maybe at her new job and she's starting to think she can do better or just wants something else. Tinder doesn't equate to sex but if she's on there already it shows you she's looking to see what she can pull.

On an emotional level she doesnt see you as anything more than a friend. She probably does enjoy your company and sex but she's probably looking for somebody who she's head over heels for and wants that crazy new relationship spark. Reality is she'll probably find somebody, have that, and when it dies down move she'll move on to the next. She's telling you you can go meet somebody and have sex because she isn't emotionally invested and won't care.

But only she really knows. Fact of the matter is she is done. The things she's telling you are some things I've said before. She's saying them because it's the easiest way out. It's way harder to tell you he truth. She probably really does want to be friends because thats what you are to her but don't do it for obvious reasons.

Best of luck for you moving forward.

 

[GK86]

I mean don't understand how to act around girls that I'm interested in. Y'know playing it cool and all that. It's too awkward for me and too complex to understand how some guys make it look easy. I can flirt but well, I don't think it's doing me any good. I crack jokes but should I stop doing that too in order for girls my age to take me seriously?

It gets easier as time goes on. I used to be shy six or seven years ago. Now, people can't get me to shut the fuck up. Yeah, some guys make it look easy or effortless. Most, I think, are in the same shoes as I was. They learned through practicing and conversing with others (not necessarily women, just people in general).

A sense of humor is one of the best things you could have. The ability to make a woman laugh is a great weapon to have. Just don't overuse it to the point where people think you are a class clown.

 

[NateDrake]

It gets easier as time goes on. I used to be shy six or seven years ago. Now, people can't get me to shut the fuck up. Yeah, some guys make it look easy or effortless. Most, I think, are in the same shoes as I was. They learned through practicing and conversing with others (not necessarily women, just people in general).

A sense of humor is one of the best things you could have. The ability to make a woman laugh is a great weapon to have. Just don't overuse it to the point where people think you are a class clown.

Well said. The hardest thing for most people is coming up with an opening line, when in reality anything will work (as long as it isn't rude or stupid). One of my opening lines to a girl at a bar was "They are putting all wine in plastic cups now" and she stayed with me all night, got her number, and went on a few dates. The line was effortless but it broke the ice.

What you don't do is what my friend did to a waitress. "What time do you get off work tonight?" She replied, "I leave at midnight. Why?" He followed up with "Oh...okay." And then stopped talking. Poor girl probably thought he was going to kill her.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

It gets easier as time goes on. I used to be shy six or seven years ago. Now, people can't get me to shut the fuck up. Yeah, some guys make it look easy or effortless. Most, I think, are in the same shoes as I was. They learned through practicing and conversing with others (not necessarily women, just people in general).

A sense of humor is one of the best things you could have. The ability to make a woman laugh is a great weapon to have. Just don't overuse it to the point where people think you are a class clown.

Yeah, but I can be too over-the-top tho.

Well, I think the way I went about this girl before was admirable? I mean I asked around about her before approaching.

*sigh*

 

[FaintColt388301]

I mean don't understand how to act around girls that I'm interested in. Y'know playing it cool and all that. It's too awkward for me and too complex to understand how some guys make it look easy. I can flirt but well, I don't think it's doing me any good. I crack jokes but should I stop doing that too in order for girls my age to take me seriously?

Yeah, I need to stop being so vague.

Don't over think it. That's the main thing. It's cliche but just be yourself. Flirting or talking to a interesting girl isn't something inherently hard. It's literally talking . . . to a girl. You really don't have to be suave or play it cool. And yes tell jokes but not stupid one liners, tell relevant jokes. Turn what the are saying around and put a funny spin on it. If you can make them laugh then you are in.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Don't over think it. That's the main thing. It's cliche but just be yourself. Flirting or talking to a interesting girl isn't something inherently hard. It's literally talking . . . to a girl. You really don't have to be suave or play it cool. And yes tell jokes but not stupid one liners, tell relevant jokes. Turn what the are saying around and put a funny spin on it. If you can make them laugh then you are in.

I think I've been "in". But I'm not their type. I'm that comic relief with no filter I've getting away with things I shouldn't have.

 

[FaintColt388301]

I think I've been "in". But I'm not their type. I'm that comic relief with no filter I've getting away with things I shouldn't have.

Well as long as you'you're setting it up. You can only be so many people's type. Just make sure to make your intentions clear when starting out.

 

[gaiages]

I think I've been "in". But I'm not their type. I'm that comic relief with no filter I've getting away with things I shouldn't have.

Okay Yosuke.

Anyway.

Stop beating yourself up over one, single girl rejecting you. And I already know what you're gonna say: "BUT THIS HAS HAPPENED SO MANY TIMES ALLLLLREEEEEADYYYYY"

Look.

It's not easy to get into a relationship. It's never easy. Those guys that make it "look easy"? It's from practice, and sometimes luck. They are just as likely to fail as you are... and because they're likely going after more women than you, they are failing more than you are.

You have to get out there and try. You can't learn anything if you don't. It can be discouraging, yes, but that's just how it is sometimes. It's not easy.

Don't ask for every little thing along the way. You don't need a step-by-step guide. You need to learn how to figure out some of this stuff yourself. Asking for advice is cool... but asking if you can flirt? Come on, man.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Okay Yosuke.

Anyway.

Stop beating yourself up over one, single girl rejecting you. And I already know what you're gonna say: "BUT THIS HAS HAPPENED SO MANY TIMES ALLLLLREEEEEADYYYYY"

Look.

It's not easy to get into a relationship. It's never easy. Those guys that make it "look easy"? It's from practice, and sometimes luck. They are just as likely to fail as you are... and because they're likely going after more women than you, they are failing more than you are.

You have to get out there and try. You can't learn anything if you don't. It can be discouraging, yes, but that's just how it is sometimes. It's not easy.

Don't ask for every little thing along the way. You don't need a step-by-step guide. You need to learn how to figure out some of this stuff yourself. Asking for advice is cool... but asking if you can flirt? Come on, man.

I guess you're right. The more I practice the better I get.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I guess you're right. The more I practice the better I get.

I fail all the damned time, my friend. Eventually, though, you learn what mistakes not to make. Dating (and all interpersonal relationships, really) is a craft: you learn from your mistakes, whether it's how to ask someone out, how to treat them when you're in a relationship, or even how to deal with co-workers or subordinates in a workplace setting.

It's called growth, and it takes both successes (and failures) to grow effectively.

Think about what "dating" is: deciding to spend a lot of time with someone with no initial, agreed-upon endpoint. That's utterly terrifying! It's why hooking up is easier, why casual flings are easier, and why high school "romances" are easier. You've got to balance emotional availability, attraction across the physical and mental planes, and you've got to weather the storm that life throws at you too.

You're undeniably going to get it wrong more than you get it right, and that's okay. Sometimes, it's not about you at all. Focus on what you can control -- which is what you learn from each interaction.

 

[NateDrake]

Here is a concept I've been toying with for a while, but never found the proper girl to test it with...until now. Right now, she doesn't want a relationship & I don't want a relationship. With that said, I wouldn't mind the two of us being exclusive. Basically, I want a relationship without the label, obligation to celebrate anniversaries, attend every family/friend function like couples do, and that stuff.

Currently I only see this girl, we hang out, go out, and whatnot. I don't believe she is seeing anyone else because she's not the type to juggle two guys - plus she has introduced me to her friends, invites me to parties, and it's no secret I spend the night with her every so often. It's more than friends with benefits, but we aren't truly dating either. We like spending time together, she loves talking with me & everything like that.

Does this sound like a reasonable thing to propose?

 

[norm9]

Does this sound like a reasonable thing to propose?

SOunds reasonable as long as you're okay with her saying no. And if she says no, it'll be weird for a while, possibly forever.

 

[Alpha Centauri]

Right now, she doesn't want a relationship & I don't want a relationship.

With that said, I wouldn't mind the two of us being exclusive.

Basically, I want a relationship without the label, obligation to celebrate anniversaries, attend every family/friend function like couples do, and that stuff.

Currently I only see this girl, we hang out, go out, and whatnot.

It's more than friends with benefits, but we aren't truly dating either.

Does not compute.

An exclusive friends-with-benefits is a relationship. A "more than friends with benefits" is a relationship.

Ya'll just haven't defined it and put a label on it. But when you do, the term for that is a girlfriend

 

[GtwoK]

Question: how do you guys (and girls) go about meeting people, relationship wise? All the relationships I've been in have been through tinder, with the exception of one which was through school (we were in the same program).

I feel like maybe that's been the demise of my relationships. Not that tinder can't go very right some times; I've seen it happen. But would be nice to meet someone more... naturally. Whatever that entails.

I don't think I'd have trouble asking a girl out that I'd just met (despite having never tried it), but I'm just not sure where it would happen. The kind of girl you'd find at a bar isn't the kind I'd be more interested in. I'm always interested in the more artsy-fartsy, photographer / music / hipster kind, as much as I hate using that word.

Are most relationships begun via "asking out that cute girl you saw at that place"? I can't think of how else they happen, other than a friend-of-a-friend thing.

Here is a concept I've been toying with for a while, but never found the proper girl to test it with...until now. Right now, she doesn't want a relationship & I don't want a relationship. With that said, I wouldn't mind the two of us being exclusive. Basically, I want a relationship without the label, obligation to celebrate anniversaries, attend every family/friend function like couples do, and that stuff.

Currently I only see this girl, we hang out, go out, and whatnot. I don't believe she is seeing anyone else because she's not the type to juggle two guys - plus she has introduced me to her friends, invites me to parties, and it's no secret I spend the night with her every so often. It's more than friends with benefits, but we aren't truly dating either. We like spending time together, she loves talking with me & everything like that.

Does this sound like a reasonable thing to propose?

Sounds more than reasonable to me, but I guess it depends what HER thoughts are on the whole situation. Why does SHE not want a relationship? Is it because it means exclusivity? Because in that case, it would be a bad idea, obviously

But from the sound of things, you're both on the same page, so I don't see why not!

Edit: but yeah, also what the poster above me said ^^^. So you're looking for a relationship, minus having to meet her family?

 

[NateDrake]

Edit: Letters went all crazy

 

[GtwoK]

[QU**E=G*w*K;171361648]S*unds m*re *h*n re*s*n*ble ** me, bu* I guess i* depends wh** HER *h*ugh*s *re *n *he wh*le si*u**i*n. Why d*es SHE n** w*n* * rel**i*nship? Is i* bec*use i* me*ns exclusivi*y? Bec*use in *h** c*se, i* w*uld be * b*d ide*, *bvi*usly

Bu* fr*m *he s*und *f *hings, y*u're b**h *n *he s*me p*ge, s* I d*n'* see why n**!

Edi*: bu* ye*h, *ls* wh** *he p*s*er *b*ve me s*id ^^^. S* y*u're l**king f*r * rel**i*nship, minus h*ving ** mee* her f*mily?[/QU**E]

She is * recen* div*rcee & isn'* re*dy f*r * c*mmi**ed full-*ime rel**i*nship *u* *f fe*r *f ge**ing hur* *g*in. We d**ed l*s* summer f*r *b*u* 2 m*n*hs bu* *h** s**pped *nce she re*lized she w*sn'* re*dy f*r * rel**i*nship. In J*nu*ry we s*w e*ch **her *g*in *nd since *hen we h*ve been been seeing e*ch **her * few *imes * week, bu* i*'s m*s*ly ** g* *u* f*r drinks, see * m*vie, ***end * p*r*y, sm*ke ** her pl*ce, pl*y * vide* g*me, h*ve sex, *nd jus* h*ng.

Edi*: wh** *he hell jus* h*ppened.....

All the Os and the Ts are missing. What the shit


Edit: alright, think I made out what you were saying.

Considering the divorce, maybe I'd hold off on the exclusivity thing for now, until she's ready for a full relationship. I feel like even if she doesn't planning on seeing other people, just the knowledge that what you have is exclusive might make it lean a bit too far into relationship territory for her to be comfortable.

 

[Alpha Centauri]

Question: how do you guys (and girls) go about meeting people, relationship wise? All the relationships I've been in have been through tinder, with the exception of one which was through school (we were in the same program).

Within the past year and a half or so:

One was a work client. She actually asked me out and is the basis of one of my dating confession/posts in this thread.

One was me seeing a new cute girl working at a restaurant that I frequent alot. Asked her out, she said yes.

One was at the dog park. Dogs are chick magnets for sure.

One was at a friend's party and we just hit it off.

One was a friend of a friend situation where I saw a cute girl, asked the friend if they were single, they put out a feeler and the girl was interested.

Are most relationships begun via "asking out that cute girl you saw at that place"? I can't think of how else they happen, other than a friend-of-a-friend thing.

Yep. Online dating is a great tool, but nothing beats the real thing. It takes guts to do it in person, but the strike-out rate is much lower to earn a date.

 

[Alpha Centauri]

Edit: Letters went all crazy

For some reason, the original post freaked me out. It's doing something crazy to my brain.


edit: Properly deciphered the message without blowing my brains out. Yeah don't propose this. It really is trying to have your cake and eat it too.

 

[NateDrake]

All the Os and the Ts are missing. What the shit


Edit: alright, think I made out what you were saying.

Considering the divorce, maybe I'd hold off on the exclusivity thing for now, until she's ready for a full relationship. I feel like even if she doesn't planning on seeing other people, just the knowledge that what you have is exclusive might make it lean a bit too far into relationship territory for her to be comfortable.

Good point. I initially treated it as casual hook ups, but it is beyond that. I'll just treat it as an early dating type of situation and let it sail in whatever direction it goes.

For some reason, the original post freaked me out. It's doing something crazy to my brain.


edit: Properly deciphered the message without blowing my brains out. Yeah don't propose this. It really is trying to have your cake and eat it too.

Yeah, probably wouldn't be taken the way I intended. Mostly thought of it because a girl on Facebook started some trouble recently. The girl I'm seeing - let's call her Elena - posted some stuff on my Facebook timeline. A female friend of mine - Chloe - made comments like "Who is this Elena chick?" Elena became jealous. Luckily, it was a short conversation with her by letting her know that Chloe is just a friend that is married and lives far away. Figured with this type of proposal idea it would give her some peace of mind that I'm not seeing anyone else.

 

[DJ Jazzy J]

Here is a concept I've been toying with for a while, but never found the proper girl to test it with...until now. Right now, she doesn't want a relationship & I don't want a relationship. With that said, I wouldn't mind the two of us being exclusive. Basically, I want a relationship without the label, obligation to celebrate anniversaries, attend every family/friend function like couples do, and that stuff.

Currently I only see this girl, we hang out, go out, and whatnot. I don't believe she is seeing anyone else because she's not the type to juggle two guys - plus she has introduced me to her friends, invites me to parties, and it's no secret I spend the night with her every so often. It's more than friends with benefits, but we aren't truly dating either. We like spending time together, she loves talking with me & everything like that.

Does this sound like a reasonable thing to propose?

This is exactly what I'm looking for!! Sounds very reasonable, good luck!

Also, in response to the where-to-meet-people question, I feel like a lot of people in this thread say they don't want to meet girls at bars bc that's not the kind of girl they are attracted to (or a similar version of this) but that seems like such a terrible way to limit yourself. Artsy girls go to bars too! There are so many different types of bars and different types of girls like going to different bars. You like hipster girls? Go to a dive bar (is that where hipster girls hang out? I'm not actually sure, this is just an example). My point is, you don't have to swear off all bars or all girls that go to bars. Just branch out and try different bars.

Sincerely, a girl that likes going to bars

 

[GtwoK]

Also, in response to the where-to-meet-people question, I feel like a lot of people in this thread say they don't want to meet girls at bars bc that's not the kind of girl they are attracted to (or a similar version of this) but that seems like such a terrible way to limit yourself. Artsy girls go to bars too! There are so many different types of bars and different types of girls like going to different bars. You like hipster girls? Go to a dive bar (is that where hipster girls hang out? I'm not actually sure, this is just an example). My point is, you don't have to swear off all bars or all girls that go to bars. Just branch out and try different bars.

Sincerely, a girl that likes going to bars

Oh no, I have no problems with bars themselves, I go to them from time to time. It's just that when I go to one and see an attractive girl, it's a gamble between "is this an artsy-fartsy girl who I can talk about photography and indie bullshit with", and "is this a girl who's life revolves around sports and funnelling beers with her frat". I'd just rather not waste my time asking out girls at a bar and taking that gamble, and would rather meet them at some place where it'd be more likely to be the former of the two options

 

[DJ Jazzy J]

Oh no, I have no problems with bars themselves, I go to them from time to time. It's just that when I go to one and see an attractive girl, it's a gamble between "is this an artsy-fartsy girl who I can talk about photography and indie bullshit with", and "is this a girl who's life revolves around sports and funnelling beers with her frat". I'd just rather not waste my time asking out girls at a bar and taking that gamble, and would rather meet them at some place where it'd be more likely to be the former of the two options

Oh ok, that's a fair point, although I will say it's kind of a gamble anywhere you go before you talk to a person but I see what you mean. I'm not sure where exactly, the last couple of guys I've dated have been friends or friends of friends... my circle isn't that big anymore (kidding!). Good luck to you though!

 

[Alpha Centauri]

Oh no, I have no problems with bars themselves, I go to them from time to time. It's just that when I go to one and see an attractive girl, it's a gamble between "is this an artsy-fartsy girl who I can talk about photography and indie bullshit with", and "is this a girl who's life revolves around sports and funnelling beers with her frat". I'd just rather not waste my time asking out girls at a bar and taking that gamble, and would rather meet them at some place where it'd be more likely to be the former of the two options

The greatest thing you can do in social situations is to quit having conversations in your head. You've effectively limited yourself from meeting an awesome person because you can't tell for certain what she likes. I've met Magic nerds, gymnasts, poets, and musicians at bars. You never know until you actually talk to them.

It really doesn't hurt. The worst they can do is say "no, i'm not interested". Gotta get over your fear of incompatibility to find out actual compatibility Go to a bar, talk to some girls, and go from there.

 

[DJ Lushious]

I recently reconnected with my ex a few weeks back and then about two weeks ago she's accepted a job far away. I'm an emotional wreck and one of the things she said to me yesterday was that I wasn't being supportive. Well, she's just graduated with a Master's degree and accepted an Americorps position making $12,000 a year. It's hard to be supportive of a decision like that, when one of her reasons as to how she'll make it on that salary is "I can get food stamps."

I feel like she's immature and has been supported by her parents for so long she has no idea what it's like to live on your own. I think she's in for a rude awakening and I've tried to talk some sense into her, but she's committed to her decision.

We had a big fight yesterday on the phone and it pretty much ended with "I didn't mean to hurt you, but I hope you find what you need and are happy."

I've not been taking it well since.

Well, she left Wednesday. Well, as far as I know. We hung out Monday night and it went well. It was a good sendoff. We cried at the end. I told her I'd miss her.

I called her Tuesday to see how packing was going, but got her voicemail. I left a message and I've not heard back since. I don't know if that means just leave her alone or if she was genuinely tied up. I'm too afraid to reach out to her in either case, but I care about her and I would love to hear about how her 1,640 mile trip is going.

Then again, I am certain I need to move on emotionally and that likely can't happen while still talking to her. Do I treat this like a breakup?

 

[n64coder]

The greatest thing you can do in social situations is to quit having conversations in your head. You've effectively limited yourself from meeting an awesome person because you can't tell for certain what she likes. I've met Magic nerds, gymnasts, poets, and musicians at bars. You never know until you actually talk to them.

This is good advice. Just talk to people, women and men. If you have a good connection, then it's natural to find another day/time to talk further or to go on a date. Over time, you'll find it easier to interact with people.

 

[gaiages]

Do I treat this like a breakup?

Yes.

 

[DJ Lushious]

Yes.

It hurts so bad. Especially to stop talking to her. I care about her so much. I'm too emotionally sensitive and breakups just make my heart feel like it's being ripped apart.

 

[Valus]

It hurts so bad. Especially to stop talking to her. I care about her so much. I'm too emotionally sensitive and breakups just make my heart feel like it's being ripped apart.

This is why you don't reconnect with exes in general. It rarely works out and you just end up with a bleeding heart.

 

[Lionheart1827]

It hurts so bad. Especially to stop talking to her. I care about her so much. I'm too emotionally sensitive and breakups just make my heart feel like it's being ripped apart.

I hear ya man, most of us have gone through it. I remember you from the DepGAF thread the first time this happened. Didnt you used to work at the same company with her? (forgive me its been awhile)

Either way, if shes leaving it will make it much harder for you to hang on to her and you wont have to worry about seeing her often. You'll get better just take it a day at a time. Let it hurt, but dont become too obsessed with it. Use friends and family as support, hell even use GAFbros for support.

 

[DJ Lushious]

This is why you don't reconnect with exes in general. It rarely works out and you just end up with a bleeding heart.

I won't argue this.

I hear ya man, most of us have gone through it. I remember you from the DepGAF thread the first time this happened. Didnt you used to work at the same company with her? (forgive me its been awhile).

That was a different, and previous, woman. I wound up getting a different job and hadn't seen her in a long time, though now she's got a vendor stall at my town's European Market. I've been doing well to not even acknowledge her whenever I see her. It's better that way.

Though that is my biggest personal issue. When you care so much about someone and then it doesn't work for whatever reason(s), having to act like the person's dead is just, well, painful to me.

Either way, if shes leaving it will make it much harder for you to hang on to her and you wont have to worry about seeing her often. You'll get better just take it a day at a time. Let it hurt, but dont become too obsessed with it. Use friends and family as support, hell even use GAFbros for support

Yeah, I'm trying. I know it's going to get better at the time. It's just so fresh and it's all happened so quickly.

 

[Coda]

Well people I finally went on an amazing date with a lady who definitely knows what's up in terms of video games and comics. We had a ton to talk about and we just got along perfectly. Towards the end of the night she asked if I had Bayonetta 1 or 2 because a friend was telling her about it. Well that was all I needed, I never thought a lady would ask me that and it happened. It was that moment of realizing that this chick was rad and I didn't have to shelve away my love for games and general nerdy stuff. Anything is possible.

 

[gaiages]

Well people I finally went on an amazing date with a lady who definitely knows what's up in terms of video games and comics. We had a ton to talk about and we just got along perfectly. Towards the end of the night she asked if I had Bayonetta 1 or 2 because a friend was telling her about it. Well that was all I needed, I never thought a lady would ask me that and it happened. It was that moment of realizing that this chick was rad and I didn't have to shelve away my love for games and general nerdy stuff. Anything is possible.

What? She didn't already own Bayonetta 2!? Obviously a fake gamer girl

Kidding, of course. Congrats bro ;D

 

[Coda]

What? She didn't already own Bayonetta 2!? Obviously a fake gamer girl

Kidding, of course. Congrats bro ;D

Haha, of course. She wanted to get it but only has a PS3 at the moment. We'll be hanging Sunday so I'll probably bring my Wii U over to show it to her. Dream girl status.

 

[AcridMeat]

Haha, of course. She wanted to get it but only has a PS3 at the moment. We'll be hanging Sunday so I'll probably bring my Wii U over to show it to her. Dream girl status.

Yoooo, third date don't move too fast.

Spoiler

kidding

 

[DutchNeon]

After about 3 weeks of slowly progressing in sex we finally did it. Hurray! We both expected more of it on the feeling side or maybe that we still didn't do it correctly but heh. Maybe too much lube? We both had tingling genitals afterwards for a few hours. Guessing that's normal? We did it without condoms as she is taking the pill and we both were virgins, never had STDs.

On a side not, she liked oral but I couldn't stand it for some reason and gagged. We used strawberry lube. Maybe too much too? So far it has been a great experience with my SO! Both really open to new things. Even our personal fetishes.

 

[Patison]

Here is a concept I've been toying with for a while, but never found the proper girl to test it with...until now. Right now, she doesn't want a relationship & I don't want a relationship. With that said, I wouldn't mind the two of us being exclusive. Basically, I want a relationship without the label, obligation to celebrate anniversaries, attend every family/friend function like couples do, and that stuff.

Currently I only see this girl, we hang out, go out, and whatnot. I don't believe she is seeing anyone else because she's not the type to juggle two guys - plus she has introduced me to her friends, invites me to parties, and it's no secret I spend the night with her every so often. It's more than friends with benefits, but we aren't truly dating either. We like spending time together, she loves talking with me & everything like that.

Does this sound like a reasonable thing to propose?

I'm actually in very similiar situation. Those are just words, but not being in official relationship is really great, there's much less pressure and that's exactly what I need in this point of my life. She's really amazing person so everything's just pure fun. We're exclusive too. I think you should just talk with her about that. That should be one of the pros of relationship like that, you can say whatever you want and no one will feel offended. If she says no, just be as chill as possible, but I don't think that will be the case. Anyway, enjoy what you have!

 

[gaiages]

On a side not, she liked oral but I couldn't stand it for some reason and gagged. We used strawberry lube. Maybe too much too? So far it has been a great experience with my SO! Both really open to new things. Even our personal fetishes.

You used lube during oral? That's typically... not needed. Just try to do it without lube next time and see how it is. If you still gag then whatever, some people just don't like those tastes, plenty of ladies don't like giving oral either. That's what hands/fingers/toys are for

 

[radioactivez0r]

The only thing would say about this is that if she really IS freaked out by being in a relationship because of how it might end, that could cause a sort of mental block preventing her from falling in love.

I'm a bit late to this, but this is your denial post, where you try to rationalize the other person's behavior as if they aren't totally fucking with you. It seems you have at least recognized this already.

You all have valid points, and the answer I expected to receive.

What I'm struggling with is just... "Why?"

The easy answer is she met someone she wants to sleep with but is a decent enough person not to cheat on you. People don't like confrontation, ergo vague answers.

You'll get past it, it's part of life, etc etc

 

[No_Style]

I'm finding the delayed meetup from OKCupid (she says she's sick for a week or so now) is giving me anxiety which is annoying the hell out of me. I'm not worried about the actual meet up, I kinda just wanna get it over with and see how things go. It's annoying me that I'm getting all anxious over it. It's actually pissing me off but I can't seem to help it.

I proposed a meet up last Sunday and I just sent something for tomorrow evening, here's hoping there's light at the end of this because I'm slowly losing it. :/

 

[Daria]

how do you all deal with friends/"best friends" of your SO that you don't get along with? a few months back when we started dating she had a couple friends come to school for a weekend visit (I drove up) and our original plans got ruined because the party ended up being at a frat (I despise that environment, I won't step foot in one) so I got a little upset and was quiet most of the night. Her good friend asked her if I didn't like her because of how quiet I was being. It wasn't that, I was just upset. Now months later nothing has changed. Her friend blatantly ignores me, will tell my girlfriend goodbye but not say anything to me as we're both standing next to each other, doesn't look in my direction much.

My girlfriend got really upset at me the other day when I got worked up and went off about this particular friend. My SO doesn't appreciate how she treats me and gets upset that we don't get along. I don't know what to do. I didn't do anything to mistreat her friend IMO, so that adds extra fuel to the fire when I think about the situation. I may not like her that much because she wasn't really a good roommate to my SO for their freshmen year. all they wanted to do was party and that ruined some things in the end for my SO and that gets me upset because I want the best for her.

I'm sorry for the short wall of text or if it doesn't make sense, I can try to clarify anything if anyone needs me to. I just don't know what to do in situations like this really. I wish my SO friends weren't so young (my fault for getting into the relationship with that age group) and wanted to party like the average college female.

 

[AcridMeat]

@Daria is it not something you can at least try to enjoy if your SO is putting you in those situations? I mean I didn't like the frat scene in college either but I didn't get visibly upset over it. If I was invited I'd go, find the people, say hi have a drink or two and leave. This is more in response to the age group thing. You can't change people and what they're into, and people of college age will most likely want to party. Just put on some Andrew W.K. and embrace it.

The way the friend is acting sounds stupid and petty, but it also sounds like you didn't really make an effort to get on better terms with them and rather just blew up at your girlfriend instead about it? Or did you go off on the friend?

You don't have to like everybody but learning how to interact with people you don't like in a positive way to avoid friction and confrontation is pretty valuable.

I don't know if I got what I wanted across in this post I'm tired and going to bed.

 

[Daria]

@Daria

1. I guess they've just always had bad reps and I don't care to deal with drunk underage kids because I can barely stand being around people at bars and dance clubs when it starts getting late. the time I was talking about was a little different though I think because I DID want to go, but she took it upon herself to tell her friends were staying in because she knew I was a little upset. I mostly got upset about that and not so much the frat. like, why would you just assume something and cancel my plans too without even asking me?

2. I dont really know what to do to her friend to get on better terms. we went out to breakfast with my SO mom and her practice partner to talk about school and I tried to converse with her at the table about whatever she was asking about but she didn't seem to care about it. it's awkward walking by her because I sense she's purposely not trying to look at me or talk. i didn't really 'blow up' at my SO, I was just venting mostly and she didn't want to hear me talk about her friend like that which I understand but I just wanted someone to listen to me because it all really bothers me just as much. I want to be friends with all of hers. I guess I could try to put myself out there more and say hi instead of waiting for people to acknowledge me but I'd rather not be ignored or given a pitty "hi" just because I said it first.

it's 530am here so excuse me for any errors.

 

[gaiages]

I'm a little confused. So you did or did not go to the frat party? Did your SO cancel the original plans, or some other plans?

If the friend is flat out ignoring you, there's nothing you can really do about that. You need to talk to your SO about it, since she's ignoring your attempts to be friendly and try to patch things up. If she "doesn't want to hear about it", that's a problem. From what I can tell it was just a misunderstanding and the friend's making a mountain out of an anthill and refuses to try to patch things up, and frankly you're gonna need your SO to step in at this point. If she doesn't wanna hear about your problem, or keeps saying it's not a big deal, then you need to let her know you're only trying to be friendly with this girl, not trying to start any drama.

Spoiler

Judging by this girl it'll start drama no matter what you do. Trust me, I had a friend like that. But hey.

 

[Osaka]

1. I guess they've just always had bad reps and I don't care to deal with drunk underage kids because I can barely stand being around people at bars and dance clubs when it starts getting late. the time I was talking about was a little different though I think because I DID want to go, but she took it upon herself to tell her friends were staying in because she knew I was a little upset. I mostly got upset about that and not so much the frat. like, why would you just assume something and cancel my plans too without even asking me?

2. I dont really know what to do to her friend to get on better terms. we went out to breakfast with my SO mom and her practice partner to talk about school and I tried to converse with her at the table about whatever she was asking about but she didn't seem to care about it. it's awkward walking by her because I sense she's purposely not trying to look at me or talk. i didn't really 'blow up' at my SO, I was just venting mostly and she didn't want to hear me talk about her friend like that which I understand but I just wanted someone to listen to me because it all really bothers me just as much. I want to be friends with all of hers. I guess I could try to put myself out there more and say hi instead of waiting for people to acknowledge me but I'd rather not be ignored or given a pitty "hi" just because I said it first.

it's 530am here so excuse me for any errors.

Have you considered your SO's friend is thinking the same of you? You know, waiting you to say hi or bye or whatever. You're overthinking it. If you want to be friendly with people, try being friendly instead of overanalyzing it in your head. She might just think you dont like her.

If after you being yourself and being nice she still ignores you or whatever, then you know it's definitely not you who's the problem. It's her being an asshole. Just be an adult about it in any case.

 

[ZackieChan]

No offense, @daria, but it looks like this is your fault. They showed up, you made no effort to go out with them and you acted quiet and pissy. Now you're wondering why they're ignoring you and you're blowing up at your gf. Why on earth would they want to like you or think you're a good bf for their friend? Try to see it from their perspective.

And come on - spending one night at a frat party is not a big deal. Get over yourself.

 

[Lionheart1827]

Hey guys, I was debating whether I should post here but here goes.

I've been dating my current girl for about 9 months now. Shes been on the pill since December or January. Yesterday she said she wants to go off the pill because its making her feel depressed and anxious, lots of mood swings, trouble sleeping, etc. She's had a cyst in her breast for a few years now that is benign, but apparently it hurts when shes on hormones. I've suggested maybe try the shot or patch and she said that she doesnt want to do anymore hormones. I then suggested maybe the non-hormonal IUD and she doesnt want to go through with it because the procedure looks painful and uncomfortable.

Is there any other birth control methods short of condoms or a vasectomy that I'm forgetting about? I'm actually quite paranoid with condoms-only and my last two relationships I never really worried about them. With the pill I would always pull out since I didnt want to take the risk, but with condoms, pulling out just seems kind of silly, not to mention I have such a hard time finishing and keeping it up with a condom in the first place. Am I crazy for being so paranoid?

 

[DJ Lushious]

Is there any other birth control methods short of condoms or a vasectomy that I'm forgetting about? I'm actually quite paranoid with condoms-only and my last two relationships I never really worried about them. With the pill I would always pull out since I didnt want to take the risk, but with condoms, pulling out just seems kind of silly, not to mention I have such a hard time finishing and keeping it up with a condom in the first place. Am I crazy for being so paranoid?

No, but if you really dig this chick you may just have to bite the bullet and bag it up. I had been accustomed to not using prophylactics with my previous partners and then my most recent ex wanted me to use them, even though she had an IUD (long story short, it was a mental thing). I liked her enough, so I complied. Using condoms isn't the best, but it's better than not being intimate at all!

 

[Cronen]

How long do you guys message someone online before asking out on a date? Been messaging this girl on OKC since the beginning of this week and it has been going well so far. Usually about a message or so a day. She's attractive, rather chatty and lots of shared interests. Someone I would like to get to know even better.

 

[Osaka]

How long do you guys message someone online before asking out on a date? Been messaging this girl on OKC since the beginning of this week and it has been going well so far. Usually about a message or so a day. She's attractive, rather chatty and lots of shared interests. Someone I would like to get to know even better.

Ask her out.