Guys, I think I got stealth "the talked".
I was talking to that girl I've been dating on facebook yesterday, who's on holiday for a month.
When we were talking about something after our second date when she said:
Oh no, you didn't have any repsonisibility to do so, we weren't a couple then.
Unless I'm reading too much into this, she think we're a couple now no?
That was obviously the time to bring it up. You weren't stealth "the talk"-ed, but now you're stuck in a technicality, wherein if you do something, you, demonstrably, know she thinks you're a couple. Proper diligence should have you not date other girls, as per the last time you asked about this, until you clear it up with her. Since you now feel that she might feel you're a couple, it wouldn't be nice to date others.
However, simply assuming you're a couple after the two of you having dated two times and only made out, in what seemed to be in the span of a week, is really strange. I would understand it if the two of you were over the moon about each other and you really were set on giving each other a shot and things just worked out great. It makes more sense now, seen how you don't seem to counter the ways she puts those things forward. If she says something like that, you should say "does that imply that we're a couple now?", or anything countering the idea, especially given that you have dates lined up you still want to go on. I'd get it if you weren't interested in other girls, now, because you found someone you really want to check things out with. It's awkward timing that she's gone for a month, but you'd know if that was worth it for you.
Why not challenge what she said, when she said it? Now you're just setting yourself up to this Seinfeld moment, where it's like "but I didn't say anything, so now she thinks we're a couple, and I can't just bring it up now because" and you end up with a goldfish in a bag, because that somehow ties up with Kramer's story arc.
Once I realized this, I took off all the corny cookie cutter stuff that everyone has on their dating profiles and started to act more like myself and that's when people became more interested in me. When I met my girlfriend on Tinder, I had "Jet fuel can't melt steel beams" in my 'about me', and she started talking to me because we both thought that was funny. Now I'm not saying to plaster your profiles with memes, but find some stuff that you'd like a future SO to appreciate and incorporate that into your stuff. Don't just say "I want to date someone with a good sense of humor", include something that if they comment on, you'll know they have a good sense of humor.
This is great, and it is really true. The girls I know that I've seen use Tinder, I've sat and seen how they swipe, and based on what. I've seen them swipe, and I go "why did you swipe left/right?". The way I see it, any girl that's worth holding onto will want to talk to you, simply for a hilarious 'about me'. You'll catch girls with awesome humor and a great character with exactly the type of "jet fuel can't melt steel beams" tagline. Find something that resonates with yourself. Also, get up a picture of yourself with a genuine smile.
Update:
I should have listened to you Gaf. I confronted her with the evidence that I had after returning from the trip. But admittedly it was not much evidence. But i should have listened and just broke up with her then.
But instead I tentatively accepted her apologies and kept on digging and found that the web of lies went deeeeep. Strong evidence of cheating back to last Christmas. And slight evidence of cheating with other guys back to 2013.
I kinda expected it when i put things together in my head. But seeing the evidence for myself has made me furiously numb.
Today I'll schedule an STD screening.
The only thing I care about when I hear things like that is the well-being of the one that's been wronged. I went back a lot of pages and read up on your story. Sad to hear the things you've gone through. Live and let live, and learn from what's happened. Compile from that things that can help you out in the future, and just focus on yourself for the time being. You might not believe it now, but it'll be surprisingly short until you feel a lot better, and will feel that you're really focusing on yourself, perhaps for the first time in a long time. Best of luck to you.
I'm just about done wallowing in my own sadness at this point. 8 months and I'm still not over my ex. I want to date women and be over her already for fucks sake. I've dipped into the pond and gone on several dates since the break up, but none I took very seriously, not to mention my mindset at the time was messed up even more so (because of emotional trauma). I've made a profile numerous times, but always end up deleting it after a couple of days.
What emotional trauma, if you don't mind me asking? Dating to get over someone rarely works. It seems you realize that that didn't work before, so how is it different this time? Have you had
any contact with her during the last eight months? Do you check her facebook, or other social media?
So I posted this a few months back and just wanted to update that she's moving in with me
I'm really happy to hear that!
Okay, I've found someone else. She's in my state's anime-con's facebook group. I wanna talk to her and stuff but I think she might respond rudely plus it might be creepy to send her a message introducing myself.(I'd ask for help with the wording) I mean, she's into anime and cosplay. (it's a something) but until I happen to see her in-person, I'm going to have to let her go.
Honestly though, I don't really wanna date because I feel pressured into it by family and friends, y'know? They won't accept that I like being by myself. If I say that I don't want a girlfriend, they'll assume that i'm gay (or think I have a problem)."What are you waiting for?" "Oh, you're trying to focus on school first, first?" But I guess, it's something different other than hanging with the guys( who all have been in relationships). I don't really give a shit though. Want great-grandchildren? Pester my cousin who's engaged about it. Not me.
It seems like I've thrown in the towel before I even got started but yeah...I'm done bitching now.
If you don't feel like dating, you don't feel like dating. Tell your family to keep out of it. They have to respect the way you relate to it, without calling out your sexuality. You shouldn't be pressured into dating. That being said, the way you relate to dating is what makes you come off as creepy. If you see some cosplayer that you find interesting, you should just send them a message with something spontaneous. Yeah, maybe she won't respond to it. Maybe she's used to getting a lot of those. But, perhaps something in what you write differentiate you. Or maybe it doesn't. You need to just take a chance, not sit back and consider all the ways you might be creepy while stalking her profile. The difference with contacting someone you see online being creepy and not is contacting them spontaneously. Sitting and carefully planning how you can meet her and what you would say is just going to make it creepy.
Learn to just do things, and relax about things. Don't look into all girls, don't ask around about them. Don't debate things in your head for a week first. Just do it. [/Shia LaBeouf]
This is a prime example on why I wish GAF had a more prominent female members. I would love to hear from ladyGAF on their dating experiences, advice/tips and what not. It sure would help a ton.
Just to point out, there are things girl can and can't give us an insight about when it comes to these things. In this situation, a girl doesn't necessarily help. It's the ability to understand what happened that's important. That's difficult. Even then, girls are individual. I'll give my input on the situation, but just remember that there's no magical insight that girls can give about these things. Often, these are emotional things. Unless you're talking to the girl that experienced it, it's always hard to say why they did what they did.
Just venting.
I had a girl I was "dating" go completely dark on me after she went on a trip to NYC. On our last date, told me (without prompting) that she would be texting me pics of her trip.
Wished her a fun trip and never heard from her again. Texted her after she was supposed to be back - nada.
Now... we didn't know each other well enough for me to call her up checking in on her... we never kept in touch enough for that.
There are any number of reasons why she didn't get back to me, I just ultimately wish it had gone a different way.
It doesn't matter much. It's an asshole thing to do. She might've met someone else, and whatever it is, it seems that it has to do with guilt that she stopped talking to you. Perhaps she wasn't too sure about you, ended up having sex with someone, and can't bear telling you. In the end, it's a rejection, so it doesn't matter that much. The fact that what she did isn't nice just underlines that this most likely is someone that your life is better without.
She is reallt into creative stuff like painting, knitting, etc. I try to ask her about it and show interest and she can go on about it for hours, which is great. However in hindsight I feel that I don't get the same response. It's one of those few things about her that throw me off. For example if I tell her about some of the crazy stuff that happened this weekend she just kinda scoffs it off like she isn't interested at all and it honestly bothers me. I don't know how to deal with it.
However, this is telling. You're trying to take part in her stuff, but she's not taking part in yours. It's healthy to have one's own hobbies, but this is the kind of thing that will have you grow apart. I was in a four year relationship where she never took interest in any of my things. It kind sucked, but it was just the way it was. A ton of shit was horribly wrong with that relationship, but even then I couldn't see it. Now I'm in a relationship with a girl that's not at all a gamer, but she's genuinely interested in so many of my hobbies. It's not that she's not independent, but it's the fact that she really listens when I tell her about it, and with that, she's often fascinated by what I share. She's watched Evo with me, because she loves Daigo, off of the stuff I've shown her. She's genuinely interested, which matches me perfectly, because I can go off on passionate rants about stuff I love. We match each other great that way, and for that we share each others interests in a way that I feel enrich each others' lives. I was still up til 7 in the morning, watching the grand finals, by myself, and I had a blast. That way, I feel more independent now than I ever have before, so it goes to show that sharing in each other's interests don't mean that you can't have anything to yourself.
It's hard to judge the rest of your situation, but off of the things you've said about your girlfriend, it might seem that she's on a track where you're there out of habit. I feel you fight to not have it be that way, but when you don't get a response, it could end up happening. I was unable to see how much more happy I could be, when it came to sharing my hobbies in a relationship, even when I was in a bad relationship, so it's really a challenge to you to see if your relationship might not work in this regard. If you don't feel it working, then I would recommend terminating the relationship. Otherwise, I can tell you that things just sort of spiral into a mundane mess, where nothing really ever happens.
