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Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
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You sound deeply depressed, dude. Losing interest in things is textbook. There's nothing scary about the meds. Take them and see if they help you. You can definitely feel better.
Have you contemplated on what your depression stems from? As in knowing what causes it?
I just had another acne breakout and it's terrible. It makes me feel super ashamed of myself and just want to hide my face so that no one else can look at me.
It depresses me so much. It makes me hate myself even more. I don't even want to leave my house.
Sorry, I needed to vent. SkincareGaf must already be tired of my ramblings so I had to begin here.
But it's an amazingly awful feeling. You look at yourself in the mirror and you feel so low, so sad, so disappointed, and it ruins your day.
Sigh...
Edit: I think my overdosing of vitamin b5 is at play here (side effects). Yup, I'm almost certain now.
It depresses me so much. It makes me hate myself even more. I don't even want to leave my house.
Sorry, I needed to vent. SkincareGaf must already be tired of my ramblings so I had to begin here.
But it's an amazingly awful feeling. You look at yourself in the mirror and you feel so low, so sad, so disappointed, and it ruins your day.
Sigh...
Edit: I think my overdosing of vitamin b5 is at play here (side effects). Yup, I'm almost certain now.
I'm going to look into it soon, especially since it would be beneficial being able to speak to someone about it all.
Thanks for the advice by the way! I'll try and analyse my thoughts more.
I don't really have any art up, although I did post some recent life drawing sketches the other day:
http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=174832881
I'm sorry to hear about the rough breakup, Newman96.
You say it doesn't seem like it's passing but, also, it's only been a month. You're still in what I would consider the epicenter, and it will likely take more time to journey out to a better place.
Perhaps this experience can challenge you to find more people you can open up with so that you can widen your support network. What is it about your other friends that makes you uncomfortable opening up with them? I find that vulnerability is what brings us closer together; it's the first thing we want others to give us, but the last we want to offer ourselves.
Also, have you considered seeing a therapist? I think that would be very helpful for you.
Let ue know if there's anything we can do.
That sounds completely inconsiderate. Did you agree to do it?
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time, Kipp. Did you make the appointment with your GP? Sometimes if things are really bad you can ask them to try to fit you in sooner than their first available appointment.
Have you found anything that alleviates your anxiety at all? I can give you some things that have worked for me, if you'd like.
I'm glad things are going better, Feenix. I hope the trend continues
I'm just glad you're okay, sadsic. Have you been able to identify any possible causes for the anxiety or anything that correlates with it?
That sounds like a really, really tough situation, Droplet. To be honest, I'm not really sure what you should do. If he truly is a threat to himself and others then, well, that takes precedence over all else, but it sounds like it's not clear whether he has any intentions of acting on those feelings. I think, at least for now, it's very important that you keep tabs on him and stay in touch, especially if you're the only one he talks to. Would there be any use in trying to prod him to seek help? Does he ask you for advice about things, or just dump his feelings? Are you worried that he'll cut off communication with you, too?
I don't have any personal experiences to share, FFD, so I can only imagine how tough it must be. To me, it sounds like an addiction that should, theoretically, be treated like most others, but I have little knowledge on which to base that assessment. Have you looked into local addiction treatment resources?
I'm sorry things didn't work out with the treatment, Daingurse. What sort of treatment did you receive? Did you bring up with those administering it that it wasn't working? Are the folks at your work aware of what's been going on?
Acne sucks. At least breakouts are temporary. Back when I had it real bad on my face sometimes I would use concealer makeup on some of the pimples to make them less visible.
Those are some good sketches, Xun! Figures are challenging, especially in such unique positions. Nice work!
Yeah, I made the appointment with my GP. After I finished the phone call I realized I could've probably asked them to call me if anyone cancels or something, but I didn't want to call back. It's frustrating, but I'm sure the appointment will be here before I know it.
And I haven't found anything that consistently alleviates my anxiety, no. I'd love to hear some of your methods!
Thanks for responding to my post Piano. I get my mental health services through a state SMI program, and think that the system is simply too overloaded to work with any efficiency. My case-manager probably has a 100+ person case-load, and everything seems to move as slow as molasses. During my disability leave, I was supposed to get into some kind of therapy program during the interim but have not received any such services since 5/20. Also been on the medication roulette for years now, and still don't think I've found anything truly effective yet. The people at my job have all been very understanding and kind, today I've only heard positive things and people genuinely seemed to miss me, but I think I have a hard time accepting that. I just feel guilt, guilt from other people having to work their asses off, and just the general feeling of me thinking I don't deserving any sort of kindness. One of the things I struggled greatly with, I can't accept things, good and bad.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Psychoward
Banned
Lost 10 pounds. I'm now 6 feet 125 pounds
I'm a guy
I'm a guy
Lost 10 pounds. I'm now 6 feet 125 pounds
I'm a guy
Everybody's body is different, so I obviously can't speak with any authority here, but just make sure you maintain a healthy weight. That sounds very low for someone who's 6 feet tall. I'm thin as a stick and before I started bouldering and gaining some upper body muscle I weighed between 125 and 130 and I'm only 5'8".
Just be sure to take care of yourself, friend.
Thanks man, good read
Yep very low, BMI: 16.7
Team Alucard
Banned
Everyone is different. Don't worry about your weight (unless you're rapidly gaining or losing some), worry about how your body looks.
Psychoward
Banned
I lost 10 pounds since last year. I have crohn's disease so I've always struggled to gain weight but I haven't weighed this much since middle school. I got my wisdom teeth out a few weeks ago so it might have partly been that but I also feel like my work schedule and depression are playing a big part.
I want to die. I'm disgusted with myself and how I can feel this way. I lost my job can't afford school and I might get kicked out by my parents. I'm horrendously overweight 5'4 300 lbs I have no skills or talents and even the ones I thought I had never truly existed.
I constants hear voices yelling and criticizing me
I really wouldn't mind if I got into an accident or was killed by someone. At least then people would cry over me.
I constants hear voices yelling and criticizing me
I really wouldn't mind if I got into an accident or was killed by someone. At least then people would cry over me.
User 479360
Banned
I'd been feeling quite well after coming off of Cymbalta, because that was definitely making me feel worse. However, over the past few days, things haven't been as good and I've caught myself having suicidal ideation and whatnot again.
Perhaps I'm wrong in using it to vent, but I sometimes post vents on Facebook. When I do it about my mental illness, I think it's because deep down I feel as if everyone looks down on me because I don't have a job. I look normal, I seem able to work, and they just think I'm lazy. So I try to defend myself, and by posting on Facebook, it's a way to try to let them know what it's really like.
My Mom's still in a rehab home, and had started walking prior to a couple of weeks ago with a stander/walker. However, one of the PSWs -- who's actually quite mean to her and bullies her sometimes -- was an idiot and came into work with a cold, foregoing a mask. She looked after my Mom and got her sick, so my Mom -- who only has one lung and is trying to get mobile again -- has been quite sick for two weeks now. She's doing better and is doing her walking again, but it set her back a week or more where she was in isolation and unable to get out of bed.
All I do is worry about her, and colds are scary because we don't want it to develop into pneumonia.
It really pissed me off that the PSW would get her sick like that. I know they don't get sick days, but there were masks there and someone maybe could've covered her. It's not right for them to go into the rooms of susceptible, elderly, disabled, etc. people and get them sick. That cold went through the entire top floor.
They won't give her cough syrup because the doctor hasn't ordered it. Well, he did order special stuff but it couldn't be filled by the pharmacy. So, we've had to sneak some in and give it to her. And, without that, she wouldn't be sleeping as well as she has.
I vented about this -- the PSW getting her sick, how another came into our house years ago after my Mom's chemo when we'd asked the company to not send anyone sick, and gave her a cold that turned into pneumonia (this PSW's kids had the croup) -- and then my extended family did nothing but call me an asshole via comments. I said the latter was a fucking asshole for coming in like that.
However, their comments were out in left field because they all concerned something I did not say. That is, that I hate all PSWs and that they're all bad. Not once did I say that. I previously complained months ago, about how loud some were in our house despite us asking, but I never once said I hate PSWs, let alone in that status. Yet, several of them jumped on me and chewed me out as if I had.
It feels as if they have it in for me for some reason. Like they look down on me as a lazy, useless piece of shit who doesn't respect anything. But, here I'm the one who has been looking after his mother -- as a full-time caregiver, also helping to change her or get her whatever she needs, or move her, get her up, etc. -- for years. I'm always at home, so I was here 24/7 for her.
Of course I respect the PSWs, but not the ones who are idiots. That's a select few. There's one now who slams every door in our house every morning at 7:45-9 when she's here, and it's frustrating.
Most are great, though, and I respect/appreciate them a lot.
My fucking extended family, though -- who don't come to visit, don't ask how she is, don't go see her, and don't really know what we deal with -- fuck them. They just sit there on high horses and throw stones.
The same thing happened when I'd post about my depression/how bad I was feeling. I'd get comments like, "Do something about it" and "How are you looking after your mom if you sleep all day?" (I'd get up whenever she called, at any time of day, and would just lay down when I could.)
Fuck, I hate people. I hate that I have to see these people at family events, and that it's come from both sides of my family. I now have very few cousins I like or respect.
Perhaps I'm wrong in using it to vent, but I sometimes post vents on Facebook. When I do it about my mental illness, I think it's because deep down I feel as if everyone looks down on me because I don't have a job. I look normal, I seem able to work, and they just think I'm lazy. So I try to defend myself, and by posting on Facebook, it's a way to try to let them know what it's really like.
My Mom's still in a rehab home, and had started walking prior to a couple of weeks ago with a stander/walker. However, one of the PSWs -- who's actually quite mean to her and bullies her sometimes -- was an idiot and came into work with a cold, foregoing a mask. She looked after my Mom and got her sick, so my Mom -- who only has one lung and is trying to get mobile again -- has been quite sick for two weeks now. She's doing better and is doing her walking again, but it set her back a week or more where she was in isolation and unable to get out of bed.
All I do is worry about her, and colds are scary because we don't want it to develop into pneumonia.
It really pissed me off that the PSW would get her sick like that. I know they don't get sick days, but there were masks there and someone maybe could've covered her. It's not right for them to go into the rooms of susceptible, elderly, disabled, etc. people and get them sick. That cold went through the entire top floor.
They won't give her cough syrup because the doctor hasn't ordered it. Well, he did order special stuff but it couldn't be filled by the pharmacy. So, we've had to sneak some in and give it to her. And, without that, she wouldn't be sleeping as well as she has.
I vented about this -- the PSW getting her sick, how another came into our house years ago after my Mom's chemo when we'd asked the company to not send anyone sick, and gave her a cold that turned into pneumonia (this PSW's kids had the croup) -- and then my extended family did nothing but call me an asshole via comments. I said the latter was a fucking asshole for coming in like that.
However, their comments were out in left field because they all concerned something I did not say. That is, that I hate all PSWs and that they're all bad. Not once did I say that. I previously complained months ago, about how loud some were in our house despite us asking, but I never once said I hate PSWs, let alone in that status. Yet, several of them jumped on me and chewed me out as if I had.
It feels as if they have it in for me for some reason. Like they look down on me as a lazy, useless piece of shit who doesn't respect anything. But, here I'm the one who has been looking after his mother -- as a full-time caregiver, also helping to change her or get her whatever she needs, or move her, get her up, etc. -- for years. I'm always at home, so I was here 24/7 for her.
Of course I respect the PSWs, but not the ones who are idiots. That's a select few. There's one now who slams every door in our house every morning at 7:45-9 when she's here, and it's frustrating.
Most are great, though, and I respect/appreciate them a lot.
My fucking extended family, though -- who don't come to visit, don't ask how she is, don't go see her, and don't really know what we deal with -- fuck them. They just sit there on high horses and throw stones.
The same thing happened when I'd post about my depression/how bad I was feeling. I'd get comments like, "Do something about it" and "How are you looking after your mom if you sleep all day?" (I'd get up whenever she called, at any time of day, and would just lay down when I could.)
Fuck, I hate people. I hate that I have to see these people at family events, and that it's come from both sides of my family. I now have very few cousins I like or respect.
I am pretty stressed recently. I set a goal of getting my license and then a job I am working towards that now. Though in doing so realize how much of a uphill battle I have. I am broke and my family I live with is broke. I can't afford new clothes for myself which I need badly as I only really have 4 shirts and like 3 pairs of pants. I need to get clothes to wear to interviews which will cost a pretty penny because of my size.
I've gone to my extended family for help but they either couldn't or were not willing to help me. I am told I need to start my life in motion by everyone but when I go to them for help doing so I get stonewalled. At the rate I can acquire clothes as it is now which is like 1 shirt or pant a month it is going to take some time.
Besides not knowing where to start on that front I am starting to drive with my permit to get used to it again. I know I can pass the test this time now that I am in the right frame of mind so I got this going for me at least.
I just wish I had a support system outside of my therapist and case manager.
I've gone to my extended family for help but they either couldn't or were not willing to help me. I am told I need to start my life in motion by everyone but when I go to them for help doing so I get stonewalled. At the rate I can acquire clothes as it is now which is like 1 shirt or pant a month it is going to take some time.
Besides not knowing where to start on that front I am starting to drive with my permit to get used to it again. I know I can pass the test this time now that I am in the right frame of mind so I got this going for me at least.
I just wish I had a support system outside of my therapist and case manager.
MisterLuffy
Member
I want to look for internships, I'm already getting sick of working at my retail job. But I can't seem to find jobs that are interesting or don't have the experiences to work at jobs relating to computer science.
So, I'm beginning to struggle with the fact I have a mental health assessment coming up in two weeks and I'm unsure what to expect which is driving me mad.
Currently on 40mg on citalopram each day and have just been given 10mg of Buspirone to take as well.
I have tried counselling, I have tried CBT, I have tried just accepting that maybe I'm not completely alright in my mind and that everything is okay but nothing is working for me.
I'm stuck in a home that I do not feel welcome in, I cannot afford to move out - I don't want to rent, it seems like such a waste of money... but buying a house? That's a big responsibility, I don't even understand mortgages - my parents were not good with money, they rent and I don't have the first clue about buying a house. There's no simple guide with everything explained in simple terms. Why don't they teach this shit in schools?
I'm feeling utterly exhausted that it's hard not to give up. Where is the silver lining? When do things get better?
Currently on 40mg on citalopram each day and have just been given 10mg of Buspirone to take as well.
I have tried counselling, I have tried CBT, I have tried just accepting that maybe I'm not completely alright in my mind and that everything is okay but nothing is working for me.
I'm stuck in a home that I do not feel welcome in, I cannot afford to move out - I don't want to rent, it seems like such a waste of money... but buying a house? That's a big responsibility, I don't even understand mortgages - my parents were not good with money, they rent and I don't have the first clue about buying a house. There's no simple guide with everything explained in simple terms. Why don't they teach this shit in schools?
I'm feeling utterly exhausted that it's hard not to give up. Where is the silver lining? When do things get better?
BlueSummers
Member
This is why I hate life. Time after time when I'm starting to feel better something bad happens. I found out last night that my father has less than a year to live. An old injury came back in a bad way and he's in southern Florida right now fulfilling some bucket list. Apparently he has known for awhile, but finally just told me.
I feel so awful in so many ways..like he kept saying he's fine and ready and all that but he's only 61 and he's so healthy in every other way. He works 2 jobs and has been working hard for years. It could have lived another 20 years! And he's kinda just giving up. He could have a surgery that is a 50/50 chance but even the people who live end up having some sort of nerve damage and if he cant work and get around and live he doesn't want to be here.
I understand that..he's his own person. In my depression I have moments where I don't wanna live. Sometimes the thought of even living to 61 in nowhere in my head but I'm being selfish. I want him to see me do better than I am now. Get married, have kids..and before that all seemed like it could happen one day. To know now I won't even be able to watch suicide squad or batman vs superman next year kills me. Sorry for the rant, but it helps to type this out sometimes. Oh and to top it off, no one I work with was willing to cover my shift today, so I'm at work fighting back tears with every customer. Sighhh..ain't life grand.
I feel so awful in so many ways..like he kept saying he's fine and ready and all that but he's only 61 and he's so healthy in every other way. He works 2 jobs and has been working hard for years. It could have lived another 20 years! And he's kinda just giving up. He could have a surgery that is a 50/50 chance but even the people who live end up having some sort of nerve damage and if he cant work and get around and live he doesn't want to be here.
I understand that..he's his own person. In my depression I have moments where I don't wanna live. Sometimes the thought of even living to 61 in nowhere in my head but I'm being selfish. I want him to see me do better than I am now. Get married, have kids..and before that all seemed like it could happen one day. To know now I won't even be able to watch suicide squad or batman vs superman next year kills me. Sorry for the rant, but it helps to type this out sometimes. Oh and to top it off, no one I work with was willing to cover my shift today, so I'm at work fighting back tears with every customer. Sighhh..ain't life grand.
Well, it helped me to frame my quest for lowering my anxiety, anguish or other mental suffering as thinking of it as simply "pain relief". If I'm in pain, I need relief. Of course, not every type or relief works for every type of pain, so not everything I came up with worked all of the time. But I found a variety of things that could, at times, help give me some peace of mind: writing, crying, or unpacking my feelings in general, exercise, meditation and music (particularly bebop jazz if I'm anxious) and sometimes even some good old fashioned distraction.
I'm not sure if I can offer more specifics than that because, well, the specifics will depend on your experience. Writing, particularly, is helpful. I used to worry about what to write until a friend of mine reframed my thinking about it: just put a pen to paper and what's the first word that needs to come out? Sometimes I wrote long, coherent explanations of my suffering. Other times I just wrote the word "pain" over and over again for an entire page or more. And a few times I even found myself drawing, sometimes just shapes, other times morbid things like people getting impaled. For a few weeks I got into a pattern of listening to high intensity jazz (such as bebop) and drawing.
Hope some of that helps, Kipp.
Acceptance is very, very difficult, but I'm glad to hear that it sounds as though you're receiving strong support from the others at your job. It sucks to hear that the system is overloaded. Can you think of any alternative pathways for treatment, or can you talk to any of the supportive folks at your job to see if they have any other ideas? Hang in there, Daingurse.
I'm sorry things are so tough, BossRush.
While both being overweight and feeling like you have no skills can seem quite paralyzing, it's important to recognize that they're both impermanent conditions that we have some power to influence. Do you think you'd be able to find the motivation to start a diet and exercise regimen or develop your skills (of which I'm sure there are already a few!)? There are plenty of free online resources out there for both.
I don't really know what I can say, Chewie, other than I'm reading everything you're writing and yeah, people can be nasty and unpleasant, especially when judging situations that they don't know the entirety of. For what it's worth I really admire the emotional strength you're exhibiting in dealing with the tough health situation. I hope you are able to find some solace or understanding somewhere soon.
That sounds like a tough predicament, redlegs. Does your therapist have any ideas on how you could gain some momentum?
For what it's worth, I found that my attitude toward my retail job went in cycles. I'd get more and more sick of it for a while, but then, eventually, I'd find a new way to think about it or challenge myself and it'd get more interesting for a while. I went through several of these cycles per year.
If you really feel that your job is boring and rote, have you considered asking your superiors or coworkers if there's anything you can do to vary it up a little bit? Maybe there's a new responsibility you can take on, or a different area of the store you can work in?
Also, your progress over the past few months has not gone unnoticed! You're doing a great job
I would argue that renting is not a waste of money if it's an investment in a lifestyle adjustment that's ultimately going to put you in a better place. However, that's not always going to be the result of renting your own place. It depends on a lot of factors.
What are you fearful of in relation to your upcoming mental health assessment? Are you worried that they might judge you, or that they might tell you things you don't want to hear, or something else entirely?
I'm so sorry for your pain, BlueSummers. In situations like that I think it's most important to take it one day at a time. Today's anguish has not doomed you to a lifetime of anguish; everything is ultimately impermanent. We're all here to listen if you've got anything to post.
I think I'll be in better shape once I get back into DBT, and I'm going to keep playing medication roulette to try and find something effective. I'm just trying to hang in, and I really appreciate your response.
So I quit my job last week after going through a period where I made great strides in battling my depression/anxiety. I didn't have another job lined up as I've done a good job of saving and could comfortably afford it living at home rent-free, plus I had plans for more self-developing activities (travelling, taking up new hobbies etc.). However, I have felt nothing but complete emptiness since leaving even though I loathed the job. I would put it entirely down to the fact that I recently came out of my shell and started to really enjoy the company of some people there, but I'm pretty hopeful that I will see those people again so I feel like it may be something more. I'm not sure if it's a fear of the unknown now that I actually made the choice to go after about 8 months of indecisiveness or if the routine of having something to get me up and out in the morning had a more positive effect on me that I realised, but I've felt really down this last week. I know it could just be down to it still being fresh but an alarm bell was my ideation of suicide returning last night when it's something I haven't felt in a couple of months, and for whatever reason it came back hard. I genuinely didn't want to be alive anymore.
Just typing this up to get it out there.
Just typing this up to get it out there.
How do you fill your days now, friend? This is my big problem, the days have so many hours and sleep only fills so much of it. (Also nice Preacher avatar)
User 479360
Banned
Thanks Piano
Honestly, I just take one day at a time. It's been very difficult, but I try to hide it. It consumes me, though.
Honestly, I just take one day at a time. It's been very difficult, but I try to hide it. It consumes me, though.
Yeah, I understand this. Physical illness as opposed to mental but since they're both "invisible", it's basically the same concept. I always feel like I'm being judged for not working. Hell, I even lost friends because they thought I was being lazy and faking it. I don't have a lot of patience anymore for people in my life who aren't going to be supportive.
If it helps, I think you're a badass.
MisterLuffy
Member
Piano said:For what it's worth, I found that my attitude toward my retail job went in cycles. I'd get more and more sick of it for a while, but then, eventually, I'd find a new way to think about it or challenge myself and it'd get more interesting for a while. I went through several of these cycles per year.
If you really feel that your job is boring and rote, have you considered asking your superiors or coworkers if there's anything you can do to vary it up a little bit? Maybe there's a new responsibility you can take on, or a different area of the store you can work in?
Also, your progress over the past few months has not gone unnoticed! You're doing a great job
It's not that it's boring, it's just frustrating sometimes. I would rather stay in one department than go to others. Also, I'm concerned with exam days when I get back to school because it's going to be irritating finding someone to take my shift in order to study for an exam. I don't want to stick with this job for a while.
I will have a talk about it next week when I go see her again. I missed my last appointment due to my ride getting a flat tire on the way there. I just don't know what much can be done about my situation other than being patient and waiting it out.
User 479360
Banned
Thanks
I wish my extended family felt that way.
Then again, they just think of me as I used to be at times, where my OCD would cause me to freak out and I'd ask my Mom to do things for me. They selectively remember that, as opposed to times where I got things for her. Nor do they come to visit or help us, so it's not like they'd see me busting my ass to help her on a daily basis now.
My good friend -- who's been here a lot, and with whom I've become really close over the last several years -- and I have talked about it. He said he sees where they're coming from, because I used to be bad at times, but he knows it wasn't exactly me or exactly my fault. It was the mental illness. But, I've said that I'm trying to make amends for those freakouts, and he says that he thinks I'm doing really well and that he's amazed by how much I help/do because it's more than most sons would.
Making a drastic change is really hard - there is something in my mind that is telling me, that this is not good for me, but I know that it is the only thing that will push me forward. I am slowly preparing my parents for the big news, at least mom will not complicate it, because I told my sister what I am planning to do. Dad on the other hand will probably kick me out of the house.
Booked hotel room in one of the thermal spas for my first week of vacation , so I will have four days to plan things and relax.
Booked hotel room in one of the thermal spas for my first week of vacation , so I will have four days to plan things and relax.
1) Pool complex with thermal water. With some hotels included, they also offer wellness stuff like massages
2) Leaving my current job at the end of the year and most probably going away from home
Vigilant Walrus
Member
The reason you want to die is because you are in a place of self-destruction. I am not surprised you feel this way, given your weight. You must have treated your body terrible to let it get to this place.
You decide for yourself, how bad you want to it to get before you want to do something about it.
It's hard for all people to do the stuff they struggle with. Self discipline is a skill that everyone fights with, including you.
There are things in your life that you have control over, and you need to change them if you want to feel better. Wanting people to cry for you if you died, is a tactic created by your ego. Don't fall for that.
Do something about it. Make a plan of attack, and realize the things that are in your control, and take responsibility for those things.
I've been in a similar situation you, and there is no shortage of situations were I wouldn't feel sorry for myself, my situation and my circumstances. I'm telling you- No matter the reason, nothing is going to change unless you make it so.
That might be provoking to you. If you are in anything like how I was, you would be annoyed by that statement, because obviously, you've tried a million times to change, and you have failed every time. Right?
Well, I am telling you to try again. And again. And learn from your mistakes each time, even if you fail. Life itself is endless amounts of failures and problems. That is what is going on. Right now you have very bad cards on your hands. On your home base, on your offense and on your support.
You can change what you eat, just so your brain works better. If you are determined you will consume nutrition that is not absolute f**king poison for you.
You can sleep well and you can exercise.
These might not cure or fix your problems, but they will help. There is no easier and more important step than this, so start from here.
From then on your brain works better, and you are more creative in problem solving and you have more stamina to change.
Show to your family, that you are changing and you mean it, and ask for their support, and try to help them. Don't be selfish. Use everything as a learning experience that adds to your "life resume".
From there, work towards a plan of attack for your future, your learning and career. But take care of the things you need to take care of first.
Don't get psyched out or lose your self-discipline by taking on too much at once. It's what happens to most people- There are so many problems they don't even begin to solve a single one.
Don't fall into the trap like I did and use your depression as a scapegoat for not giving a fight. That is bullshit. I was surrounded by people who were scared to say something harsh to me as I carried by vindictive "I AM VERY SENSITIVE AND VULNERABLE" and so nobody would give me any real-talk, that I desperately needed.
I'm telling you, it's a trick. It's a trick to let things remain they are. Your brain want you to suffer for the rest of your life by letting things remain the way they are, rather than having you do something about it and your problems.
Sweating, exercise and eating right is terrible when you're 300 pounds. It's almost unbearable, and if you got the whole sugar addiction going on, you will feel migraines, pissy moods, insane cravings. If you're over eating you're going to feel like you are starving.
If you do this:
Then you're already fucked. Don't wait. Don't settle. Do it now. Right fucking now. And don't look back.
Team Alucard
Banned
Sometimes I feel like a robot. Every decision and choice I make is based entirely on economics. There's no creativity, passion, or inspiration driving me and I'm not sure if there ever has been.
I'd be lying if I said I had done much of anything since leaving. I would defend it as being my first week of "freedom" and getting my head together before working towards something new, but I can already tell that if I don't act quickly then I'm going to fall into the same rut I was in 1-2 years ago. It's just too easy to picture all of these things I want to do and set up a plan without actually putting it into action. It's not so much motivation I need as it is discipline.
Thanks. Jesse Custer is my hero.
You don't owe them anything. And you can't change the way you behaved during worse periods. Just do the best you can now and it sounds like you are.
User 479360
Banned
I know
I just wish they weren't so ignorant and closed-minded, and that I won't have to deal with them being that way in the future. I'd rather avoid contact, even if it is just a couple of times a year.
pixelation
Member
Stupid issue, but my hair is currently long-ish, and i don't know what to do with it. I wanna cut it short but i know that if i do that, then i will become depressed missing my long hair (it's happened to me before)... sigh, like i said... stupid issue, but still an issue (for me).
Dice//
Banned
As a girl, we get this all the time. The day we go for a cut tends to be when it's looking its best. x)
Back in 2013 I had what was literally a year of bad haircut. I got it short, but the style was wrong so it just came out bad (I wanted a layered bob, it looked like boy's hair that Kelso had in That 70's Show
). When it grew out, it got a bit better but then it basically looked like a mullet. So I had to trim it, it was finally a bob, but the stylist fucked up my bangs, and I wear glasses, so basically it just hung over them till I could finally sweep them off to the side. I basically hated my hair for a full year while it was growing out; it didn't depress me (I cried the first day that it looked awful though), I definitely waited eagerly and patiently while it grew out a millimetre or whatever everyday. .This isn't supposed to be a horror story for short hair, on the contrary, I love short hair and back in 2008 I got a fucking DIVINE short hair do. I think it's just good to really know what you want and how you want it to look. Take a photo reference for a look you like, get a good stylist (I cheeped out too much because I 'just needed the cut'). On the bright side there is always the "it'll grow out", and indeed that first cut can be awkward (a lot of cuts tend to 'grow in' nicer), but I think you should find a good style over much concern about what length. Mull it over, don't get it cut till you've found the perfect cut.
---
In other news. I had a panic attack at work. A lot of tiny issues at home, I found out a childhood friend of mine died (in no 'small way' either, it was bad) then another problem at work happened and it just broke into cold sweats and knots.
I was so embarassed to return back to everyone... I work in front of people, so it's no small thing when you leave because my co-workers see you're gone, then I sat at our backroom table drinking water to 'relax'.
.. Weird to say, but does anyone else hate it when people [are genuinely kind enough to] ask 'whats wrong?' Nothing I hate talking about more then what's upsetting me in the instant moment, I find I just tend to 'resurface' thoughts that I'm trying to keep down while, especially, I'm trying to compose myself at work. :S
But obviously the thought is what counts here.
pixelation
Member
As a girl, we get this all the time. The day we go for a cut tends to be when it's looking its best. x)
Back in 2013 I had what was literally a year of bad haircut. I got it short, but the style was wrong so it just came out bad (I wanted a layered bob, it looked like boy's hair that Kelso had in That 70's Show
This isn't supposed to be a horror story for short hair, on the contrary, I love short hair and back in 2008 I got a fucking DIVINE short hair do. I think it's just good to really know what you want and how you want it to look. Take a photo reference for a look you like, get a good stylist (I cheeped out too much because I 'just needed the cut'). On the bright side there is always the "it'll grow out", and indeed that first cut can be awkward (a lot of cuts tend to 'grow in' nicer), but I think you should find a good style over much concern about what length. Mull it over, don't get it cut till you've found the perfect cut.
---
In other news. I had a panic attack at work. A lot of tiny issues at home, I found out a childhood friend of mine died (in no 'small way' either, it was bad) then another problem at work happened and it just broke into cold sweats and knots.
I was so embarassed to return back to everyone... I work in front of people, so it's no small thing when you leave because my co-workers see you're gone, then I sat at our backroom table drinking water to 'relax'.
.. Weird to say, but does anyone else hate it when people [are genuinely kind enough to] ask 'whats wrong?' Nothing I hate talking about more then what's upsetting me in the instant moment, I find I just tend to 'resurface' thoughts that I'm trying to keep down while, especially, I'm trying to compose myself at work. :S
But obviously the thought is what counts here.
Yeah, the thing is that i've been growing it for almost a year now. I wanna see how it looks with a full beard (well... as full as i possibly can grow it) and see if i dig how it looks.
And as to your question, yes... i hate it when people ask me what's wrong. It's weird though!
I hate that. Well, my family members and coworkers know when I have bad day and they try their best to leave me alone. But when customers at work start to ask me these kind of questions, I just pass them like they are not there.
Renting would help my current life style, it would solve a lot of the issues I have but then I would be very low on money and would live on bare minimum leaving me nothing spare for social activities.
The mental health assessment is to see whether I have bipolar disorder or not, it is something that has been mentioned by a few friends that I may have. I'm fearful that it may not be that and that my mental issues have no explanation.
After a month long vacation where I felt no anxiety at all, once I returned home my anxiety came back. I'm having anxiety now just waking up late due to being jet lagged and feeling like the whole day is wasted. And it's not rational anxiety either, I'm freaking out and having shortness of breath. Whenever I'm with friends or family it goes away but whenever I'm alone this feeling of intense panic and anxiety comes back.
I just had my interview for an apprenticeship at the IBEW (electricians union) half an hour ago, something I applied to months ago and had hoped it would lead to maybe a fulfilling and lucrative career. Completely and utterly bombed it. Six interviewers and when they all finished asking their questions they didn't even give me a chance to ask them questions at the end, which even their pamphlet said they would do. It was humiliating and made me feel like total shit. Can I kill myself now please?
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