Lack of a constant inner circle of friends starting in high school and a slow decline in my abilities causing me to give up and not being able to get help from family because they try to keep me dependent on them, which negatively impacts me because it doesn't let me grow as a person. That on top of the fact that I feel out of place like I don't understand socializing anymore because I always feel like I'm getting weird looks when I talk to people. That one might just be my resting asshole face, though.
Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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Lionheart1827
Member
Happy birthday to our very own jb1234!
You probably recognize him from his avatar:
Incredible piano player that has skills that will blow your underwear clean off!
Hope you have a good day bro!
You probably recognize him from his avatar:
Incredible piano player that has skills that will blow your underwear clean off!
Hope you have a good day bro!
I keep posting and saying I'm going to get help. I just feel so up and down and I put it off over and over. My plan was to talk to a gp before doing anything else. I don't know what type of doctor/therapist/person I should be seeing. I've googled the differences between them, so I know what they can/can't do. There are lots of therapists located in town but most of the psychiatrists are located out of town. I have issues with anxiety and driving out of town. I'm scared of getting lost. I don't have a smartphone so I'd be up shit creek. I know it sounds silly but please don't make fun of me.
Therapist vs. psychiatrist. Which did you guys end up with and why?
Therapist vs. psychiatrist. Which did you guys end up with and why?
Dylan Sexbang
Banned
Today I found out I'm a manipulative person. I was starting to get my suspicious when I starting thinking about some of the things I've said to get what I want? But at the same time I also struggle to see other peoples' point of view on certain subjects. The girl I was trying to get with, finally told me why she never committed.
This is what she had to say quote to reveal:
I never realized what I was doing, or considered how I was hurting her. I don't know what's wrong with me? I have 6 free therapy sessions to talk this out. I'm going to call the therapist offices tomorrow and get something going.
This is what she had to say quote to reveal:
I never realized what I was doing, or considered how I was hurting her. I don't know what's wrong with me? I have 6 free therapy sessions to talk this out. I'm going to call the therapist offices tomorrow and get something going.
Happy birthday to our very own jb1234!
You probably recognize him from his avatar:
Incredible piano player that has skills that will blow your underwear clean off!
Hope you have a good day bro!
Thank you, brohammer! <3
Thanks, dude! Get that therapist yet? I need to hunt one down myself.
Not yet. :/
For some reason I'm not quite sure of, I'm basically waiting until after my appointment with an endocrinologist (if I remember correctly) that's on August 20th (which I scheduled like 3 months ago after I did my blood tests for low testosterone) before I make another appointment with my primary care physician to follow up on my SSRIs, ask about anxiety meds, and ask for a referral to a therapist.
So that's the main reason why I haven't gotten anywhere with finding a therapist yet.
Thank you for asking though! I really appreciate that.
I hope you have good luck finding one too!
Silphonica
Banned
I need a little advice.
Who here has dealt with suicidal thoughts?
Do you remember how these thoughts eventually came to exist in the first place? I'm getting more scared by the day. I never for once thought in my life I could ever do it, as time slowly passes on, there are transitional periods. I went from not blaming others for committing suicide up, to wondering what would happen if I did commit suicide, to bursting into tears everytime I feel sad because rationalizing suicide in a pro/con scenario is the first and only thing i think about during these moments.
It has crept up on me, over the course of the last 10 years it has progressed slowly, and right now I'm not even 100% sure if these thoughts are genuine suicidal thoughts or me being melodramatic during a period of sadness. I guess the thing that scares me the most is that the next transition might push me over the edge to start taking these thoughts seriously, or maybe I won't. I don't know, Im pretty confused.
Who here has dealt with suicidal thoughts?
Do you remember how these thoughts eventually came to exist in the first place? I'm getting more scared by the day. I never for once thought in my life I could ever do it, as time slowly passes on, there are transitional periods. I went from not blaming others for committing suicide up, to wondering what would happen if I did commit suicide, to bursting into tears everytime I feel sad because rationalizing suicide in a pro/con scenario is the first and only thing i think about during these moments.
It has crept up on me, over the course of the last 10 years it has progressed slowly, and right now I'm not even 100% sure if these thoughts are genuine suicidal thoughts or me being melodramatic during a period of sadness. I guess the thing that scares me the most is that the next transition might push me over the edge to start taking these thoughts seriously, or maybe I won't. I don't know, Im pretty confused.
That quote sounds nice, but...it doesn't give you a job? I'm not trying to be negative about it, but yeah this subject hits way too close to home and all I want a job so I don't have to worry about money. And it feels like I can't really get a job without an excellent GPA and all these connections I can't possibly get cause I can barely talk to people, and I better do clubs and internships because that looks better on a resume... I worked so, so hard last year in school and I have nothing to show for it, and everyone did better than me. I had to lie and act like I did equally as good so as not to look like a fool in front of everyone.
I get that way when things just feel really hopeless. Felt like that a couple of weeks ago. Like there's just no point, everything I do is a failure, no one cares... I never actually do anything because dying would leave a big mess for someone to have to clean up and/or I realize it would hurt someone's feelings way too much if I died. The first excuse is pretty pathetic, I know. Sometimes I don't feel like killing myself but just maiming myself or just really dark, violent thoughts like that. I think even if it's not about killing yourself, if your thoughts are still that dark, it's almost as serious as suicide itself.
The important thing to do is to find someone to talk to, even if it is only strangers online, and figure out why you're having those thoughts in the first place. Also, this is sort of dorky, but I tried to find ways to distract myself, and for me reading or games don't really do that, but watching stuff does--TV shows, movies, random Youtube vids. But usually having a narrative helps. To help lately, I started watching True Blood really randomly (like, I really don't watch shit like that, lol), and just binged most of it, and my brain started thinking about the lives of these fictional characters instead of my problems. I think it helped alleviate the suicidal/dark thoughts. I'm still really depressed right now, but at least I don't have dark thoughts right now? Oh, and I watched IT Crowd for the first time, and that was a really funny show. Watching that helped too, but I only watched one season because I didn't want to binge it all in one sitting, heh. That one's on Netflix in the US if you happen to live there.
True Blood is interesting because there's like at least five different subplots going on at once and every episode ends in some kind of cliffhanger. I'm not really emotionally invested in the show, but the plot threads interest me enough to keep watching. I think that aspect of the show helped a lot too with my problems, which is the only reason I'm going into detail about that. Not a lot of shows have five billion things going on, so if you think it could help you or someone else reading this...? Everyone's brain works differently. I watched that using a trial of Amazon Prime, and it's not on Netflix in the US, unfortunately.
So, ah. Does anyone have any advice on how to make friends online? I sort of get it in real life, even if I fail fantastically at it, but all the friends I ever made online happened by chance in one fandom and it was years ago and all of them but one parted ways with me. It's really hard trying the "fandom trick" again with this instant Netflix culture we live in now. I'm always behind on something. I'm trying to comment in places (like here), but I'm not sure if that's enough? It's probably just really random like it is in real life, but thought I'd ask.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
I've met most of my buddies on Gaf through games. Online gaming has really helped me with social anxiety.
pelicansurf
Needs a Holiday on Gallifrey
I discovered that I have adult ADHD, like super bad. Explains a few things.
Start with a therapist and ask for recommendations for a psychiatrist. Ideally, if you have a problem with mental illness, you see both. The psychiatrist handles meds and new symptoms, etc, and the therapist helps you build the tools you need to deal with your issues.
Periods of isolation can make us feel as though we've lost the "touch" of socialization, or the instincts necessary to socialize. While it can take a bit to get things up and rolling again I assure you that the ability to socialize does come back - it's a muscle that builds as we use it.
I don't think it's too late for you to make friends. Are there any hobbies you enjoy that you could turn into opportunities for social connection? For instance, personally I've made a lot of my friends over the years through doing theater and music groups. I had difficulty making friends in my classes in college and found extra-curriculars and hobby activities to be much more socially fruitful since you share meaningful experiences and have time to talk.
Well, what you need depends on what, precisely, you're going through, but I agree with what besada said above that a therapist is a good place to start and may be able to give you a greater perspective on whether a psychiatrist is right for you.
That seems like the better option in this circumstance anyways since you said there are some located in town. I hope you're able to find the strength and resolve to start making phone calls soon, and keep in mind that it may take a bit to find someone who has space for more patients. Usually though if they're full they can refer you to someone else who may have space.
Don't take someone else's opinion on your personality as the gospel truth. As painful as it is, however, this may be a good opportunity to learn more about the effect you have on others. I learned a lot from the reasons my first serious girlfriend broke up with me. Made me think about a lot of things I hadn't ever noticed.
Have you made a therapy appointment yet? I think that would be tremendously helpful!
I hope it gives you at least a bit more peace of mind, pelicansurf.
Do you regularly feel that empty?
Have you considered seeking mental health treatment?
A therapist could help you work out your difficulties with socializing and assist you in lessening your isolation.
<3
bronkonagurski
Member
Sort of. I mean I can connect with a lot of people on various levels but in terms of the things I am struggling with, not really. None of my friends or family is really equipped to deal with that stuff, which is understandable. I could use some therapy or help groups, I just don't know where to start with that kind of thing.
I am extremely disgusted and displeased with my physical appearance.
I have started exercising, eating healthy and getting enough sleep but this has only made me more self conscious about my appearance.
It's ridiculous, I know. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without feeling fervent disdain for what I'm seeing. It's gotten to the point where I keep my mirror dusty and don't wear glasses (my vision is really poor) to not see my face. We'll I need to see it every time I wash my face and my brush my teeth but it only looks blurry. If I am able to see myself clearly I cringe.
I don't know what to do, I keep having negative thoughts and lots of anxiety. My acne doesn't help either. This is driving me crazy.
Has anyone succesfully coped with body and self perception issues?
I would go to a psychologist and take some sort of therapy, but I don't have insurance and it would be extremely expensive for me.
I have started exercising, eating healthy and getting enough sleep but this has only made me more self conscious about my appearance.
It's ridiculous, I know. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without feeling fervent disdain for what I'm seeing. It's gotten to the point where I keep my mirror dusty and don't wear glasses (my vision is really poor) to not see my face. We'll I need to see it every time I wash my face and my brush my teeth but it only looks blurry. If I am able to see myself clearly I cringe.
I don't know what to do, I keep having negative thoughts and lots of anxiety. My acne doesn't help either. This is driving me crazy.
Has anyone succesfully coped with body and self perception issues?
I would go to a psychologist and take some sort of therapy, but I don't have insurance and it would be extremely expensive for me.
Not many outside of gaming, and I don't exactly talk about that regularly with most people. Again, I'm pretty apathetic to most things and I'm working on changing that. I've been compiling every last shred of info that I can on apathy to see if I can find a solution.
The question is - can you work to equip them? Few if any of us come equipped ready to deal with all of the difficulties life may through at us or those we care about, but often we can work with those who are close to us to help them help us. Know what I mean? I've found it helpful at points in my life to be frank with my family or friends that "this is what's going on, this is how you can help." It felt a lot better than listening to them try to churn out the advice they feel obligated to give, when a lot of times I don't need advice at all, just someone to understand.
As for where to start with therapy - well, there are a few ways you could start. You could ask your GP for a referral to a therapist. Or, if you're in the US, you could check with your insurer to see who in your area is covered and reach out to a few to see who has openings. Often they have an online database of all covered providers in your area. Ultimately choosing a provider is going to be a bit arbitrary - there are countless therapists out there with whom you could be compatible but you won't know who they are until you go see one.
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time, Seath. I haven't experienced anything quite like that but I must imagine it's far from pleasant. Have you explored whether there are any free or sliding scale mental health resources in your community? Is this a problem you've opened up to anyone else about?
I don't think there is a solution that can be found.
What I mean is, as far as I've been able to find, there isn't one universal truth about apathy (or depression or anxiety or much else for that matter) that we can find that will explain or restructure our understanding such that we are able to then overcome those problems in short order. Instead, I've found, it's a matter of building the solution within yourself and your understanding. What fuels your apathy is likely quite different from what fuels mine or anyone else's.
That being said, there are many things we can learn from each others experiences, so it is always worth sharing and listening and learning. But I think the big solutions need to be built, not found.
Rather, it's a combination of both. What we find can help us figure out what to build and building can lead us to new discoveries. Does that make sense?
If you're up to sharing some of what you've learned so far, I would love to hear it
<3
pixelation
Member
Not so far i haven't, and i also need to see a psychologist, same boat as you only difference (for me) is that i got a new job so hopefully i'll be able to afford therapy soon.
I too dislike my appearance, and i avoid my reflection like crazy... i disgust myself.
Hello Mental Health GAF,
I finally went back to the Psychiatrist today after a few months of struggling with my Anxiety. Got put back on the Zoloft that helped me (hate that it takes a month to kick in) and some Xanax to take in the meantime. But it feels good to take the steps to get back to mental stability.
I finally went back to the Psychiatrist today after a few months of struggling with my Anxiety. Got put back on the Zoloft that helped me (hate that it takes a month to kick in) and some Xanax to take in the meantime. But it feels good to take the steps to get back to mental stability.
It's mostly a lot of learning to change things up a little in my schedule. That seems to be the main thing.
Don't really know where else to turn so hoped to find some comforting words here..
Recently, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me and things have been shite. Left feeling like I've nothing, completely fed up with life, want to drop out of uni, I've been throwing up a lot and I struggle to get out of bed. It's shite, have that feeling that she was the only person I could ever really talk to and knowing I don't have that anymore is horrible. Don't feel like I can talk to my parents or anyone else as I feel like I'm being dramatic and I just know I'll get the whole "You're young, these things happen, it won't be the first time, you'll get over it" talk given to me. I just feel really worthless at the moment, went and sat out by the sea the other night to try and clear my mind and still couldn't. Sometimes feel like throwing myself in, don't think I'd ever do it though but the thought is always there.
I just really need someone to talk to, don't have any mates I feel like I could open up to or could trust not to tell anyone. She was the only person I felt comfortable in my own skin with. I found out after the break up that she cheated on me once when we were together to, I know that someone that can do that to me and lie about it to me so much isn't someone I want to be with. I just miss the person I thought she was, that I thought understood me and would never do anything to hurt me. A year ago I was the happiest I've ever been in my life and now it's the polar opposite.
I used to struggle with feelings of depression while I was away at university, I didn't really connect much with those around me and found it very lonely. I always had her to speak to though, she'd listen and it'd make me feel better. I've lost that now though, she even told me part of the reason she didn't want to be together anymore was because she couldn't deal with someone so miserable who made her worry all the time. It's my fault. Now she's moving on and I believe is with someone else while I couldn't even entertain the idea, it's only been a month. It's not fair that I'm so broken up and she's seemingly really happy. I don't want to talk to my friends as I feel like a burden, talking to my family doesn't really help, they're supposed to care for me. I guess I just want to know that someone that doesn't have an obligation to care about me and love me does. I felt like this kind of thing would pass but it just doesn't seem to be happening. Don't know what to do anymore.
Recently, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me and things have been shite. Left feeling like I've nothing, completely fed up with life, want to drop out of uni, I've been throwing up a lot and I struggle to get out of bed. It's shite, have that feeling that she was the only person I could ever really talk to and knowing I don't have that anymore is horrible. Don't feel like I can talk to my parents or anyone else as I feel like I'm being dramatic and I just know I'll get the whole "You're young, these things happen, it won't be the first time, you'll get over it" talk given to me. I just feel really worthless at the moment, went and sat out by the sea the other night to try and clear my mind and still couldn't. Sometimes feel like throwing myself in, don't think I'd ever do it though but the thought is always there.
I just really need someone to talk to, don't have any mates I feel like I could open up to or could trust not to tell anyone. She was the only person I felt comfortable in my own skin with. I found out after the break up that she cheated on me once when we were together to, I know that someone that can do that to me and lie about it to me so much isn't someone I want to be with. I just miss the person I thought she was, that I thought understood me and would never do anything to hurt me. A year ago I was the happiest I've ever been in my life and now it's the polar opposite.
I used to struggle with feelings of depression while I was away at university, I didn't really connect much with those around me and found it very lonely. I always had her to speak to though, she'd listen and it'd make me feel better. I've lost that now though, she even told me part of the reason she didn't want to be together anymore was because she couldn't deal with someone so miserable who made her worry all the time. It's my fault. Now she's moving on and I believe is with someone else while I couldn't even entertain the idea, it's only been a month. It's not fair that I'm so broken up and she's seemingly really happy. I don't want to talk to my friends as I feel like a burden, talking to my family doesn't really help, they're supposed to care for me. I guess I just want to know that someone that doesn't have an obligation to care about me and love me does. I felt like this kind of thing would pass but it just doesn't seem to be happening. Don't know what to do anymore.
Oof.
I'm not sure if my anxiety has been more intense than usual lately or if I'm just better at pinpointing my misery as due to anxiety now that I've realized it's been a pretty key factor, but either way, my anxiety has been rough the past few days. It's exhausting just to exist, because my mind is constantly flooded by "need to do this, should do that, should've done this" and whatnot.
I really need to make that doctor's appointment soon. Think I might call and set up an appointment today. Hopefully.
I'm not sure if my anxiety has been more intense than usual lately or if I'm just better at pinpointing my misery as due to anxiety now that I've realized it's been a pretty key factor, but either way, my anxiety has been rough the past few days. It's exhausting just to exist, because my mind is constantly flooded by "need to do this, should do that, should've done this" and whatnot.
I really need to make that doctor's appointment soon. Think I might call and set up an appointment today. Hopefully.
I can't remember having this many side effects of getting on Zoloft the last time I started it up. Granted that was 50mg, and this is 100mg. Do you guys think I should cut them in half for the next few days?
I've been nauseous and had headaches. Today is Day 4 though, so I think I'll just push through. One more day till the weekend and I can just rest and not worry about anything.
I've been nauseous and had headaches. Today is Day 4 though, so I think I'll just push through. One more day till the weekend and I can just rest and not worry about anything.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Yeah, all of em. I hate Zoloft. Do you have the electrical zaps in your brain?
Booker Dewitt
Member
Well, me and my friend were looking to move cross country in a week. A couple days after our last day at our workplaces since two weeks notices were put in week ago and a request to transfer to a location in the city we're trying to move to.. Both stressing out that we havent found a place, my friend said he was gonna take a couple days off from looking at places. So ive spent a lot of wednesday and before work yesterday looking for places. Asked him today what we would do if we dont have a place lined up by the date. Said hes not moving to the city we were looking at, hes moving to another state entirely with a girl hes known for a while. Me not being in the plans. He lost belief in me when I told him tuesday the last day I looked was sunday, since I worked earlier on monday than usual and then hung out with him drinking the rest of the day.
Well, I pretty much begged him to reconsider me. He offered reasons, both emotional and logistcal as to why it wouldnt work. Kept telling me I should just get a place in the original city by myself, I told him thats completely terrifying. He said he had a back up plan, and its all my fault for putting all my eggs in one basket. But I kept at it, and he said he would try to talk to the girl about it. So now I kind of feel like a pathetic leech, a lazy fuck whos too afraid to do anything by himself and putting everything on his friend.
So I'm expecting to lose my best friend, be without a job and still living in my parents house while my friend is driving cross country to be with a girl thats hes been raring to be with for a couple months. To make it more pathetic, I said I wanted to move out by my birthday otherwise I wanted to kill myself for a quarter century of waste. My birthday was eight days ago.
Well, I pretty much begged him to reconsider me. He offered reasons, both emotional and logistcal as to why it wouldnt work. Kept telling me I should just get a place in the original city by myself, I told him thats completely terrifying. He said he had a back up plan, and its all my fault for putting all my eggs in one basket. But I kept at it, and he said he would try to talk to the girl about it. So now I kind of feel like a pathetic leech, a lazy fuck whos too afraid to do anything by himself and putting everything on his friend.
So I'm expecting to lose my best friend, be without a job and still living in my parents house while my friend is driving cross country to be with a girl thats hes been raring to be with for a couple months. To make it more pathetic, I said I wanted to move out by my birthday otherwise I wanted to kill myself for a quarter century of waste. My birthday was eight days ago.
Not that I know of. I caved and took just 50mg this AM so I could get through work today without issues. I'll probably take the other 50 when I get home.
FeenixRising
Banned
A few months ago I wanted to end my life, I even posted here about it. But now I'm here to say even with all the bullshit I'm going through right now, it ain't worth it.
This is coming from a guy who's cousin committed suicide last week. With my family connections as strained as they were, I didn't get the news until this past Sunday but that's not the point.
I now know how shitty it feels to lose someone close to me, and I have to look at her mother... My aunt having to bury her only child is fucking heartbreaking you wouldn't even believe it. Being six year olders than her, I remember the day my aunt announced she was pregnant, I remember being there when she was born, and now.... She's gone.
So whatever is going on in your life guys and you feel it ain't living anymore. Please get help... Professionally or if you just want to talk, shoot me a PM I ain't doing nothing.
This is coming from a guy who's cousin committed suicide last week. With my family connections as strained as they were, I didn't get the news until this past Sunday but that's not the point.
I now know how shitty it feels to lose someone close to me, and I have to look at her mother... My aunt having to bury her only child is fucking heartbreaking you wouldn't even believe it. Being six year olders than her, I remember the day my aunt announced she was pregnant, I remember being there when she was born, and now.... She's gone.
So whatever is going on in your life guys and you feel it ain't living anymore. Please get help... Professionally or if you just want to talk, shoot me a PM I ain't doing nothing.
I'm really glad to hear things have improved for you! I remember when you posted here a few months ago and it's so awesome to see that you've come out the other side of that.
Your best friend is a dick, dude. No one who is a real friend would be so inconsiderate of your feelings, especially considering such a major life change.
Hi guys.
A couple days ago, a friend of mine from high school who has been dealing with depression messaged me saying he wanted to cause harm to his family members and himself. I tried keeping him talking to me as long as I could, but he was apparently in the UK on vacation with his family (we both live in California) so he left soon after. Following this, I rushed over to my university's crisis counseling to ask what I should do, if I should notify the authorities, etc. Apparently without a plan my friend is unlikely to do anything and due to this even if I did notify anyone, they wouldn't be able to take action, so I actually just can't do anything. I called a mutual friend, who I believe aside from me is the only person that our friend is willing to confide in, and notified him about it. This friend says that due to our friend's nature that he is more likely to say things than actually do them, and I believe him, but I am scared that there's the off chance that my friend really decides to impulsively take action. He has not replied to any of my messages yet, and I can't call him because he's international now.
As for background, my friend and I were in the same year in high school. He was previously attending a very prestigious university but has dropped out for now. I don't know the particulars of why he was struggling. He believes he is on bad terms with his parents who haven't accepted him after coming out, but I don't really know how much of his relationship with his parents is from his own paranoia and how much of it is real. I suspect it's a combination of both. He made some disturbing posts to his Facebook wall earlier this year and I believe he only spoke to me because I told him about my own difficult experience with my parents and my depression after entering college. Many of our other mutual friends have stated that they've attempted to contact him but he refuses to speak to any of them but me. He is currently living with his parents right now, has little in the way of savings, and is afraid of the outside world. I believe that even though he's expressed interest in changing his own living situation, he lacks the motivation to do so.
I don't really know what to do now. I'm trying to get an appointment with a local therapist to ask what I should do now, but it's obnoxiously hard in a college town. The main things I'm wondering: has anyone dealt with this kind of thing, can I do anything even though I'm so far away, and should I tell his parents what I've heard from him? I called home to get his dad's name and number, and I'm debating whether or not I should be telling him. I don't believe my friend is violent, and if his father tells him I've contacted him he might as well have lost one the few people he trusts. On the other hand...well, he told me wants to hurt his family members and he wants to hurt himself. The only people who are in close physical proximity to him are his family members. I've never spoken to his father and I don't know what he's like, but because he's attended counseling with my friend I believe he's at least sufficiently worried about him.
Sorry for the wall of text. I don't know if I gave too much or too little background information for any clear advice.
A couple days ago, a friend of mine from high school who has been dealing with depression messaged me saying he wanted to cause harm to his family members and himself. I tried keeping him talking to me as long as I could, but he was apparently in the UK on vacation with his family (we both live in California) so he left soon after. Following this, I rushed over to my university's crisis counseling to ask what I should do, if I should notify the authorities, etc. Apparently without a plan my friend is unlikely to do anything and due to this even if I did notify anyone, they wouldn't be able to take action, so I actually just can't do anything. I called a mutual friend, who I believe aside from me is the only person that our friend is willing to confide in, and notified him about it. This friend says that due to our friend's nature that he is more likely to say things than actually do them, and I believe him, but I am scared that there's the off chance that my friend really decides to impulsively take action. He has not replied to any of my messages yet, and I can't call him because he's international now.
As for background, my friend and I were in the same year in high school. He was previously attending a very prestigious university but has dropped out for now. I don't know the particulars of why he was struggling. He believes he is on bad terms with his parents who haven't accepted him after coming out, but I don't really know how much of his relationship with his parents is from his own paranoia and how much of it is real. I suspect it's a combination of both. He made some disturbing posts to his Facebook wall earlier this year and I believe he only spoke to me because I told him about my own difficult experience with my parents and my depression after entering college. Many of our other mutual friends have stated that they've attempted to contact him but he refuses to speak to any of them but me. He is currently living with his parents right now, has little in the way of savings, and is afraid of the outside world. I believe that even though he's expressed interest in changing his own living situation, he lacks the motivation to do so.
I don't really know what to do now. I'm trying to get an appointment with a local therapist to ask what I should do now, but it's obnoxiously hard in a college town. The main things I'm wondering: has anyone dealt with this kind of thing, can I do anything even though I'm so far away, and should I tell his parents what I've heard from him? I called home to get his dad's name and number, and I'm debating whether or not I should be telling him. I don't believe my friend is violent, and if his father tells him I've contacted him he might as well have lost one the few people he trusts. On the other hand...well, he told me wants to hurt his family members and he wants to hurt himself. The only people who are in close physical proximity to him are his family members. I've never spoken to his father and I don't know what he's like, but because he's attended counseling with my friend I believe he's at least sufficiently worried about him.
Sorry for the wall of text. I don't know if I gave too much or too little background information for any clear advice.
FINALFANTASYDOG
Member
Very Quick post here:
Been struggling with an addiction ( Not Gambling / drugs / alcohol) that is way out of my price league. It is the only thing that brings me any joy anymore though.
I go to the types of things I use to do but I just feel bored because the joy that is obtained from the addiction is 10 times more then these. addiction is way out of my price league though.
Luckily I don't have the problem of using money I don't have for this addiction (all my rent is being paid etc) but I just lie around waiting for my next chance to get a hit of this addiction within my finical budget, try to spend as little money as possible and it almost feels painful not to have it.
Does this sound like just something where you should go through the normal addiction help guides?
Been struggling with an addiction ( Not Gambling / drugs / alcohol) that is way out of my price league. It is the only thing that brings me any joy anymore though.
I go to the types of things I use to do but I just feel bored because the joy that is obtained from the addiction is 10 times more then these. addiction is way out of my price league though.
Luckily I don't have the problem of using money I don't have for this addiction (all my rent is being paid etc) but I just lie around waiting for my next chance to get a hit of this addiction within my finical budget, try to spend as little money as possible and it almost feels painful not to have it.
Does this sound like just something where you should go through the normal addiction help guides?
Booker Dewitt
Member
Yeah, had a face to face with him that ended a couple minutes ago. He said his hesitance on letting me move with him was cuz he thought I hated the state he was moving to, and he wouldn't want someone who hated the place so much living with him since it would be a downer in general. I said that was never legitimately a problem. I asked him how much it would cost, if I'd have to sign the lease, and if he would be mad if I left in six months. He said around $200-300 a month, no and no. So I took it.
I could get completely fucked by this, but at this point I'd rather take a chance than rely on my own nebulous intentions.
How well do you know this guy? Again, he's coming off as a dick here. I hope things work out, man.
Lionheart1827
Member
Wow your friend sounds like a complete asshole dude. So pretty much you guys made plans to move to a new city, you quit your jobs and now he pulls a switch on you last minute because of "some girl hes known for awhile" and now you're fucked? Fuck this guy.
HUELEN10
Member
...first time poster, recent reader.
I...don't want to drag on, now's not the time, but I mean, what's the point of trying to do fun stuff and more open and being normal if PTSD can't truly be over come? Why bother. Sometimes, I just live life and do what I have to do and I feel ok, because ok is ok and it's not happy, and if you aren't happy the crash to miserable is less which in term makes you a happier person. I mean, is it crazy to admit defeat on something that has bested you and just make the most of it while having a smile or two with the ones you love here and there, and make a difference where it counts?
Trying to be happy sometimes ends up making me feel miserable because of things accosiated that cause me to relive bad thoughts and experiences. It's like, happiness is good, and awesome, as long as I am not actively seeking it.
The veterans and therapists I've seen say I'm not insane and these feelings are normal, and that to some, ok becomes the new happy. Is this normal? Is this actually a sign of recovery?
I...don't want to drag on, now's not the time, but I mean, what's the point of trying to do fun stuff and more open and being normal if PTSD can't truly be over come? Why bother. Sometimes, I just live life and do what I have to do and I feel ok, because ok is ok and it's not happy, and if you aren't happy the crash to miserable is less which in term makes you a happier person. I mean, is it crazy to admit defeat on something that has bested you and just make the most of it while having a smile or two with the ones you love here and there, and make a difference where it counts?
Trying to be happy sometimes ends up making me feel miserable because of things accosiated that cause me to relive bad thoughts and experiences. It's like, happiness is good, and awesome, as long as I am not actively seeking it.
The veterans and therapists I've seen say I'm not insane and these feelings are normal, and that to some, ok becomes the new happy. Is this normal? Is this actually a sign of recovery?
I used to have a very good memory. I don't anymore. :\
...Scatter...
Banned
Hi guys. As someone married to someone suffering from MDD, BPD and OCD, I just want to say hang in there. Don't let the rough days overshadow the good days!
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
We were talking about this in a group therapy session a little while ago. I'm not sure if you are suffering from dips into deep depression but the therapis described it as a different kind of Bipolar where the "high" is just feeling ok and the median or majority of the time you are just going through life on auto-pilot. It hit home for me and was the first time I heard something like that from a therapist. I always figured Bipolar was exclusive to the manic and depressive extremes. It sounded exactly like what I have been going through for many years. Most of the time just acting "normal" faking smiles just to get through the day. i'm not sure if any of that helps but hang in there. Anxiety over being happy out of fear of the other shoe to drop is a hell of a thing to deal with it and sometimes hard for people and friends to understand.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Luke and Charlotte Ritchie
Luke and Charlotte Ritchie - Weightless
Luke & Charlotte Ritchie: Live At Before The Gold Rush (Full Set)
Luke and Charlotte Ritchie - Weightless
Luke & Charlotte Ritchie: Live At Before The Gold Rush (Full Set)
Lord of Castamere
Member
In hindsight it's kinda funny. I tied multiple times to post in the thread, and this was all that made it in. Shit, this is the 2nd time I've typed this post. Typing is easy. I seem incapable of asking for help. Like contemplating posting this is giving me panic pains. Why is it so hard to post? Maybe this time... I needed it, help, still do. Not that this thread can give what I need. You can't shake off 6 years of sucidal depression and mental addiction with a few forum posts. Maybe posting here could have lead somewhere. It couldn't have been worse than what not posting here lead to.
I've blocked most thoughts with constant something. Reading, watching, playing, and delusions. I can block the depression for most of the day, but right before sleep it can creep in. So I started weaving past with fiction, year spanning stories. The reflection tonight made me realize though that I usually only have 2 emotions. Hollow, the (right now) brain engaged emotion, and when I slip crushing sadness. It's been like this for so long that I don't remember before.
I don't even really enjoy games anymore. I mainly just use them as time sinks to avoid crying. Which the realization of makes me want to cry. What if I come out of this and I never did. I don't remember.
I was supposed to return to work today after being on short-term disability leave since May. My SMI services fucked me completely and I haven't received much help while I've been out, and feel more or less at the same place I was 2 months ago. I had to call in because I couldn't even sleep due to my anxiety, even felt out of breath. I've had very vivid suicidal ideation leading up to this day, and honestly thought I might have been dead at this point. I just feel pathetic and weak at the moment, and I feel very wronged by my mental health services. I should have been in a better place by this point, and instead I feel even less prepared than before. I need to try to go in tommorow, as I need money badly but I can just hear Shia in my ear now, all I'm doing is putting things off for tomorrow and hoping for the best.
Sorry if this felt like too much venting, just feel terrible inside and out.
Sorry if this felt like too much venting, just feel terrible inside and out.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Going to swing for the fences here, coming at you as an outsider;
I think sometimes that our self analytical assessment of our own lives betray us. There is a sort of mental masturbation in telling yourself things, which is a pretty human thing to do, btw. We tell ourselves the script, the narrative because that is how we make sense of it.
When you're on the bottom of hell, you can't see sunlight. You cannot see the end of the torment you are in. There is a reason why they say, the first steps are the hardest, but reading, watching, playing and being delusional, is not how you begin to get out of hell. That is how you keep the status quo.
And of course, that is what depression wants. It's what it thrives on. The goal of depression is to be standstill. It has no interest in you changing anything about your behaviors.
You already know what you have to do. You don't have to ask us. Deep down you already know that the only way you can get out is if you climb. One foot, one arm at the time.
When I was there, I waited for motivation from other people. I waited for the drugs to work. I wanted them to carry me. I hated exercising. I hated sweating. What is the point of anything? We're all going to die anyway. Let's just fucking end it now. People are pieces of shit anyway.
But you see- This is just depression talking. This is just depression trying to make you believe that this is what it is, and what you see is true. But it's not.
You should - And now I am going to impose my own ideology and experience on you, and I'm sorry. I don't know your thing, your story and your symptoms, but I feel confident in saying that you deserve and should see life for how amazing it is. Disappointment, suffering, fear, anexiety - All these things inclusive. At the fear, at the loss, at the heartbreak. These things make you feel alive like never before, and while it sounds crazy- These feelings actually can be a beacon for you.
A beacon to let you know what's up. Being afraid, being scared, standing on the edge not knowing how things will turn out. Those moments can actually be the most important ones. And if you really, truly want to undo this state you're in. I truly believe from my own experiences and those I have known who have been instrumentally depressed to the core, that being brave and start climbing one step out of it, really can get you out of it.
Do you have shelter? Do you eat? Are you sick? If you have these 3 basic needs met, then you are already better off than a significant portion of the worlds population. So good job you privileged first world son of a bitch
Secondly, as stupid as it may seem, doing those things you've been putting off. Productivity wise- That letter you had to send, that tax return you haven't dealt with, that spring cleaning you skipped, organizing your old stuff in your basement, writing emails and facebook msgs to friends about this and that. Calling your grandparents- its been forever, get that dvd you borrowed back to your cousin, maybe finally take a stab at one of the books you've been wanting to read for fucking ever that just sits there like a ya-hoo on your shell lookin dumb.
Keep yourself going by moving forward- not by distraction. Don't make the mistake of denying yourselves them. They are not evil. The Wire Marathon is one of lives greatest experiences! Counter-Strike GO is a fantastic way to spend an evening with a cup of coffee and a acoustic Stevie Nicks album. But there is a difference in taking pleasure, enjoying life from the entertainment you have access to, and then feeling miserable about your life to the point you need to do something to distract you.
I know exactly what you're talking about, about losing yourself in a pit of media, entertainment and addiction, and it never ends satisfying. It's malleable. Everything is malleable. I love Ben & Jerrys, but if I eat enough buckets of it, I will hate myself and the entire universe within it. That didn't stop me from eating 4-5 pints in a go. Yes, fucking 2-3 liters of that crazy ice cream in one. My shits were horrific. My bowlmovements came out with their own sugar canes.
Don't put it off. Do it now. It seems like a pointless exercise, but there is both something going on emotionally, and physically when you are out and about and doing these things. Yes, doing your to-do lists is not going to make you super happy, but it has a good shot at helping. Because every time you do the dishes, every time you clean your yard, every time you load up Duolingo and keep doing that 10 minute spanish course for the day, - every one of those things is taking a step out of hell. everyone is climbing that wall.
Sitting with the dog, and actually fucking playing with it. Now, that is a fucking thing that matters. A dogs life is much shorter than yours. A afternoon well spend with your dog, is like an entire month for a dogs sense of time (maybe, dunno,perhaps. But feels like it might be true!). Maybe it's just dusting off all yoru greasy shelves.
Get that fucking lava lamp out of your garage. Set that 90s bitch up. Project your heritage! Pearl Jam is still fucking incredible last time I checked!
And yes, there is a shit ton of steps. and obstacles. And it's going to fucking hurt climbing out as hell. Beware for the gargoyles trying to stop you. Saying shitty things to you, trying to make you want to climb back down and just fucking eat, masturbate and play games until your a withered jizzed fossil. fuck that noise, man. I'm not motivating you. This is not some sappy heartfelt motivation. I'm just telling you, it fucking sucks. it sucks bad and nobody is going to tell you it doesn't. but, get angry at that son of a bitch. just fucking say, this is stupid.
When my depression was at its worst, the worst thing was perhaps how I could not keep a promise to myself. Every time I said I would go exercise or do my math homework or something, I always flunked up and I was just stuck being depressed, hating myself, the world. everyone could go fuck themselves. I knew what was going on. The banks are cunts, you cant count on people, people who get int 9-to-5 jobs are hamster wheel sheep. fuck them all.
But you know... As I said before. What you say is not how things are. Not really. It's just how you see them. That doesn't mean the hurt and suffering you feel isn't real. It's goddamn real because it's clear from your posts that you are full of pain. But it is a construct. It's not like that at all. And it was very hard for me to accept this. The world is a grey filter, everything is, absolutes, fucking sweating all the time, only happy when addiction gives me my highs, leave me the fuck alone.
It's all fine and good, but I just had to be honest with myself. doing something about it, no matter how small seemed like an overwhelming task. I remember having to go by shit. I had to go to the bank and do a thing. I had to go to the library and pay a overdue-book fee. I just didn't have it in me.
And those first steps felt like I spend the entire damn day doing 2 things. I spend an entire day doing two small things. But that's the start. that's the first food and the first arm. And then it gets easier. until the fucking gargoyles show up.
And then, I really want to give up and almost did. I was about to sit down and go fuck it. I'll jerk off for the 7th time and crash my serotonin levels so hard I'll never get happiness endorphin's again.
But then I stopped. Just because of those fucking gargoyles. its' now about being happy or better. Its just fuck the gargoyles. I'll show all you bird demons. And then you keep climbing, and find your own way.
One day I found out that cooking is kind of fun. sure I sucked ass at it and my neighbors complained, but.. shit wasn't as terrible and pointless. Felt kinda good about my first burned steak. was like eating a leather handbag covered in Siracha. Best diarrhea shit ever. Then I started running. Of course I couldn't. I was too overweight. I looked like Hagrid from harry potter. swiggty swooty 6'5 300 pound man running down the street wit dat booty.
ran along the freeway at night. with 20 liters of water in my backpack. Don't do this. If your starting out with exercise, don't overdue it like I did.
shit still sucked. addiction still there. relapses and stuff happens. still cant sleep for shit. work still fucking shit up. then total relapse.
But then it occurs to me. all these failures? They are not really failures if I learn from them. And then I sortof imagined I was a raptor in a fence. a smart raptor, trying to find the weakness in the electrical fence. Tried a few different ways already. Decided to keep going. more relapses, more broken promise. And then! boom! breakthrough. Holy shit, what was this! A random encounter, a strange fascination, surprisingly good at something, a person from my past reemerged, got admitted to something scary and unpredictable, got new roommates.
You know, things do happen if you are opened to the universe, but that's not what is going on when we are depressed. We don't want to be open to anything. Particularly not with things like suicidal thoughts, PTSD, anexiety, addictions and similar. fuck that.
Many people do get out of depression. Don't get caught in thinking that being accustomed to misery is something you are forced to. You're not. It is something that happened to you, but you don't have to be like me, and let it define who you are. I am embarrassed to say it, but I wanted to let go of responsibility. I wanted to just throw the towel in the ring. The last thing I really wanted to do was to change. Because as terrible as the depression was, the idea of doing these tings, seemed worse. And that's still weird to me, how that disconnect could exist. But it did.
Eventually I figured out that the climbing out of hell thing? There was no such thing. There wasn't any gargoyles. It was all just how I saw it. People around me so unicorns and rainbows, and I see hellfire and demons, but we all lived in the same office, the same school, the same city. We just saw things differently. I don't have the answer to your situations, but if I could tell myself something back then it would just be this; Suffering, loss, pain is part of the experience. They will hit you until the day you die. Now, what are you going to do about the other side of life? The Fortunate moments. The privilege, the chance, the training, the education, the love and everything else?
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