The risk is indebting yourself only to graduate and enter into a job market where there is little-to-no opportunity to find quality employment, leaving you with a hopeless future of shit job prospects coupled with crippling debt that will prevent you from ever living a quality life.
I am surrounded in life at every turn by people who went to college and had it make absolutely no difference whatsoever. My Parents are both college grads (my dad even has his masters in education), and neither ever had their degree lead to opportunities in their field of study. Both have juggled factory and low-wage service jobs their whole lives, and both are still making student loan payments into their late 50's and are likely never going to be able to retire. My cousin has his Masters in Taxation and his CPA certification and has still found absolutely nothing after almost three years.
Likewise, most of my co-workers in retail have college degrees, and many of my fellow students at my community college already have their bachelors and came back for technical training because they couldn't find quality employment.
The story is the same for most of my old friends from High School. I took 2 years off to work and save money before returning to school, so most of them have already finished undergrad, and all of them are either working Mcjobs or are in grad school. Only one of my old friends from HS actually managed to find a real job, and he came from a very affluent and well-connected family to begin with, which I surmise is the reason for his success.
Its difficult for me to trust statistics that show the 'value' of a college education when there is no one in my life that I can point towards and say "it worked for them".
My major is Finance.
I wanted to study law, and that was my plan back in high school, but fortunately I was made aware of just how awful an investment it is. The average debt incurred from Law School (and this doesn't even include any debt accumulated from undergrad) is over six figures. There are also over 3 times as many law graduates each year than there are job openings in the legal field (and this includes jobs like doc review which pay poverty wages). I'm a fairly risk averse person in general so those chilling statistics made me completely drop that idea immediately.
It makes sense, Alucard, given the experiences you're surrounded by, that you'd feel that the college degree will amount to nothing, but, as you said, those are just those people's experiences. For what it's worth, the two people I know who got finance degrees are both in pretty high paying jobs at the moment.
Ultimately, though, the degree is just a piece of paper, one that supposedly confirms your receipt of a certain set of skills or training but many incorrectly view as valuable in and of itself. The idea is that the degree is some amount of proof of skills you can demonstrate in other ways, and ultimately a degree in most fields is going to be a springboard from which you can launch a career, not a ticket directly into it. Many people say that internships are important. Have you considered an internship, perhaps over a summer? Also, every University has a career center, which can be
very useful. I didn't even
bother with my Uni's career center until senior year and wish I'd gone sooner, they had links to all kinds of internships and opportunities and statistics and stuff. I was able to sit down with someone and frankly discuss my options for employment.
I called the hospital again this morning, before I went to bed at 8:30am. (My sleeping schedule is out of whack and, although I fell asleep at about 7pm yesterday evening, I got back up at 9:30.)
Still no call back.
I guess I need to call the disability office and ask for an extension or something. So much for getting my teeth fixed in September.
Fucking Hell. Asshole receptionists.
God that sounds so frustrating, Chewie. Do they just never have anyone working? Would there be any value in dropping by in person?
Well if I could redefine personal pleasure as "Sending out a dozen fruitless job applications a day while desperately trying to sell my meager belongings so I can keep eating ramen and Hormel chili" I guess I would be a lot happier. But that seems unrealistic.
Furthermore, the apparent fact that I'm unemployable means that society sees no value in my existence. I am of no use to the world therefore I do not deserve an income, therefore I do not deserve to survive. If I do not have value, do I deserve pleasure?
I do not agree with your chain of conclusions, personally. First of all, having trouble finding a job does not mean you are unemployable.
But even if you
were unemployable, that doesn't mean you are of no use to the world. There are many people who do not work who still contribute to the lives of others and their communities. Not to mention one should, on some level, be living for a sense of fulfillment within themselves, not to hit an arbitrary value metric as assigned by economic forces.
But even if you
were of no economic use to the world, that does not mean you do not deserve to survive. The world is a vast and varied place full of experiences that can be fulfilling in their own right even if they are not experienced in order to serve an economic purpose.
And your economic value is not tied to how much you do or do not "deserve" pleasure, because to think that way is to believe in either some higher, more holy economic deity or to think that the cessation of suffering is not a noble goal in itself that is appropriate for all human beings, no matter their circumstance.
I am not saying that job hunting isn't frustrating. I am not saying that life is not painful. I am not saying that any of this is easy.
However, I am wondering if you believe that life could be lived in the pursuit of
contentment rather than
pleasure? It's a profound difference. Pleasure will come and go no matter how much money you have. Contentment, however, can be more durable and attainable.
Last couple days have been rough as hell. Such intense depression. Probably initial side effects from Zoloft. Besides that though, I've experienced no significant side effects from it, so that's a plus.
Fuck I feel so lost and hopeless. Trying to think of a way out of the misery I'm in (moving away and finding a new job, etc.) but I know it's all tied to my head in the end.
Just listened to this song and started crying. It sounds like it's more about heartbreak than depression, but still some lines that are all too poignant.
Ultimately, Kipp, if the same patterns of thought and feeling are leading you down the same rabbit holes of depression and anxiety over and over again then straight medication might not cut it. After all, medications are symptom relief, and a lot of times symptoms aren't the whole story. I still think that therapy could be of massive use to you, and encourage you to look into it.
In the mean time, I hope your clouds lift and your medications kick in soon.
Also that song is good, never heard it before.
things changed since my last post.
As I have said, I have been through the suicide attempt of both my mother and brother recently and I was raped when I was younger. It all hit me pretty hard but I was managing until last friday.
I drank a lot, 5 beers in an hour. I was so drunk I had absolutely no control. I walked with my close friend, the only friend who's been there every step of the way and at one point I snapped and I wanted to end my life. My friend freaked out and she started crying and she said she couldn't do this and it was too hard for her so I panicked and grabbed a knife because I wanted to end my lift and she stopped me and then she called the cops and I went to the hospital.
I was feeling extremely ashamed that this happened because I knew I hurt my friend and she was one of the only thing I had that kept me happy, because my family is obviously very dysfunctional and I don't have many close friends.
So I started medication and I started seeing a psychologist. My doctor said the meds would help with my panic attacks and that it would take approximately 2 weeks for it to work.
I decided to text her and tell her I thought it would be better if I waited until my meds and my meetings with my psychologist help me to contact her again because I don't want to lose her as a friend. We had a chat the day after (which she obviously did not want to have) to know what we should do because we go to the same university and we're almost in the same program so we're bound to see each other. She said she wanted to go her different way for a while and that even if my meds work in 2 weeks, she might not be ready then. It then hit me that I probably lost this friend.
She has helped me so much and I love her dearly and it frightens me that I might have lost this friend. Couple that with the rest, I feel like I can't go down any further.
I am planning to give her space, even if it's extremely difficult knowing I will be alone most of the time. She was my best friend.
So I would like to know if it's possible that we become best friends again, after everything that happened.
You're going to have to take it one day at a time, Mathunilx, with short term goals. Mending things with your friend sounds like more of a medium term goal. In the mean time what is most important - and what will be most important to her, I think - is that you get to a better, more stable place. The medications are part of that. Abstaining from alcohol for a while may also be part of that. Undoubtedly a lot of soul searching is also part of that, whether that be in writing, or in therapy, or some other format.
Space is tough but it can help people heal.
My therapist recently said that seeing a doctor to take medication might be helpful. I talked about this with my mom and she said it's my decision. Later my mom asked me about herbal remedies for depression/anxiety.
Are these effective? I remember reading somewhere that they were bunk, and I remember I tried taking them once like four years ago and I didn't experience any difference. However, a quick google search seemed to indicate that they can be effective.
Short answer: no
Medium answer: some of them are somewhat effective but since there's no regulation it's hard to know what you're getting and you can't really count on it the way you can with a medication. Also, natural doesn't always equal safe, which I learned by getting some bad effects from a natural antidepressant remedy.
My anxiety has finally become too much for me to control myself, and I've pretty gone into a panic disorder slowly the last year, and now it's panic attacks every night for no reason except me actually thinking "man I hope I don't have a panic attack again" and then boom here they come.
Anyone on Effexor XR or have anything to say about it? Dr wants me to try the low dose, in the past I didn't get far into Lexapro etc because of night terror side effects.
Effexor sounds like a reasonable prescription for panic. I haven't taken it myself but it is approved for both anxiety and panic. I hope you're able to feel some positive effects soon, ced - panic is no fun.
Well, my lunch is almost over. Sorry if this is the wrong place for this, or if it's rambly, or whatever. I'm not certain if I feel better yet, but I guess I'll figure out once I'm back to work. I know I feel lightheaded now, and I doubt that's good, but ah well.
Also I realize I probably come off as entitled, whiny, lazy, and so on, and I apologize for that, too.
EDIT: Wow this is longer than I thought it'd be. :/
I don't think you came across as entitled, whiny or lazy, gaiages.
I hear two different axes of concern in your post: (a) your job and (b) your life.
As far as your job, it's natural that there's a period of uncertainty and anxiety after having a talk with a higher up. I don't know how your relationship with your boss is but perhaps after things have settled some more you could have another talk with him to level with him about what happened and why, and in the mean time try your best to make sure you don't make the same mistake twice.
The bigger thing is your life, though. Your job clearly isn't offering enough meaning and purpose for your life. While I think it is possible to adjust to finding contentment in the job as you described it that may take a while. In the mean time, you need to find other non-work things that "fill you up" so you don't sit around feeling quite so empty. Do you have any hobbies? Could you pick one up? Personally, I need social contact to feel "full" so I'd encourage you to join a club or volunteer. You could go rock climbing! You could start hiking! You could frequent jazz shows! There are limitless possibilities.
I'm somewhat fine now but I'm in the same place I've been. I need jobs and I can't get any, I don't know what I'm going to do. How the fuck do you get jobs. I apply and get interviews and come in all squeaky clean and fucking nothing. I saw my friend on my Facebook feed rejoice that he got a new job recently and I felt this horrible burning envy deep inside my heart and it hurt and I hurt and I want to cry.
Have you considered getting in touch with any of the places you applied asking for feedback on your application? I haven't done that personally but have heard it to be helpful with many others.
This all leads me to a grand depression I've been in lately. I can't stay motivated for anything anymore. I'll open an application and just not finish it because I just stop feeling worth it. I start feeling like I did as a kid, too anxious to even open my mouth and say what I think. I shake, I panic. I obsess, have intrusive thoughts all over the place, I'm (re)developing agoraphobia.
Last time I went to the doctor I came out with five to six diagnoses, which I honestly don't remember all of. It's been four years. I think they were Major Depressive Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (this seems like the main one, to me), and Dissociative Disorder N.O.S. Some of those may have been included within each other, not separately. Like I said, OCD seems to be the one 'in charge', to me. Intrusive thoughts are my worst symptom when I'm 'baseline' and just around the house. I have spontaneous panic attacks and anxiety attacks just walking around the house, much less outside. Any time I leave the house lately, I get chest pains and arm pains and start feeling short of breath and just dissociate to the point I feel like my conscious is the only real thing in the universe and my body, the world, and space around it are just fake. Everything visually takes on an almost 'flat' quality. I shake constantly, sometimes voluntarily because it eases the anxiety, sometimes involuntarily. I would say that a good 80% of the time I'm dissociated to some degree. Derealization mostly. The other 20% I don't think about it, and once I realize I'm not, suddenly I am. The worst cases are when I'll get some bizarre shit where everything seems... off ...size-wise. I've looked that up and it's apparently pretty common. That variety started after the last time I saw a doctor.
I think the sixth disorder was PTSD, but I don't think that applies anymore. I almost feel guilty saying that I 'had' it because I wasn't sure if I agreed with the doctor on that. I feel guilty about it because I realize people that have it usually had it for reasons worse than I did, I always felt like the apparent cause from my end was silly -- I would have intense visions of trains and cars and stuff hitting me when I tried to leave the house after some acquaintances were killed by a train and the whole community was reacting to it.
I made the decision that I was going to call and apply for SSI to allow myself to at least contribute monetarily and maybe feel like I'm helping more, and obviously get things I need, like food and bills paid. At this point, I'm just not able to function mentally the way I should at home in comfort, much less in stressful environments. I've been trying for two weeks and just... not doing it. It's not that I don't want to, and I know I HAVE to do it as it's my last option unless I can somehow miraculously afford a doctor to try and get stable enough to work or go to school. That being said, I finally forced myself this morning to do it. They're calling back in ...well, it was 40 minutes, 30 minutes ago before I started this..
I'm honestly pretty terrified. My instinct is to let it ring and not answer, but I know I have to. The worst part is that if I get the benefits, I know I'm just going to end up feeling like a mooch or something.
wrestleman, you mention a doctor - what sort of treatment have you received? Just medication or also therapy / counseling?
I'm pretty confident I suffer for PTSD.
Lately I have had thoughts of suicide or more specifically that death will be the only cure of this constant living in fear I'm experiencing.
I know that's not the answer but I struggle with seeing an end to feeling this pure hopelessness in my life.
Totally lost right now.
Gritesh, have you received mental health treatment for these difficulties? PTSD is a tough nut to crack, but improvement
is possible with regular counseling.
Well, I told my mom today about my plans... started nice and calm, but after few minutes it was like nuclear bomb went off.
I am really disappointed off right now, because I thought that I have support at least with my mother....
I'm sorry to hear that, DrM. Perhaps some time and space will allow both of you to calm down and a follow up conversation will transpire more smoothly.
Hey y'all, I think I've stopped by here in the past once or twice, but it's been a long while regardless.
Anyways, I feel like there's an unnecessary level of frustration and anxiety in my life coming from this one issue in particular, and I haven't even been acknowledging it up until now, so I'm at a loss for where to even start. I'm terrified that I'll continue to push people away due to insecurity and fear related to physical contact.
Thanks to any of you who made it through this.
I haven't been through anything similar, iirate, so I can't offer any personal experiences, but I know several folks who have had mega struggles with their sexuality and gender identity and in all cases counseling / therapy was
pivotal in helping them unpack what was going on and figure out how to move forward. Have you received any counseling in the past?
<3
