NeoGAF Anonymous Confessions 2015 - Bare Your Burdens

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Suicidal filmmaker back (im using a different email provider cause the old one seems to have crashed). I just wanted to clear up a few things. I didn't expect the responses I got.

So, I've done a fair amount of traveling and living. I know what life has to offer. I'm not depressed, I just get mood swings. But it surprises me that so many people were upset that I would have the idea of suicide as if it personally affected them. I used this to confess to get it off my chest because, like I said, I can't really tell anyone. But just cause I'm confessing, apparently it's in poor spirits if I'm not asking for guidance? I dunno.

I also wanted to clarify, I will kill myself if I fail to make it as a filmmaker, not if I fail to go down as the greatest filmmaker in the world - that will just depress me but also motivate me further.

But yeah, that confession (and this) wasn't about attention if you'd believe it. I guess a further confession would be that there's no one in my life I actually trust to talk to even though apparently a lot of people trust me. Does that sound like a brag? Cause it's not supposed to. It's no fun being unable to tell people how you really feel about any given situation.

So there you have it. I' not an edgy teenager, just a guy that's bored of life.
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I'm not going to try and guide you or anything since it's clear you don't want that. I just have two questions. One is do you have a timeframe this must happen in? Who knows when your big break could happen? It could be soon or in a number of years. You could start out slow and eventually make that one film that gets you noticed. If this is your true goal (and apparent reason for living) then are you prepared to wait and see if you make it or will it be a "if not by the second or third film" thing.

My second question if what if you have better luck as a screenwriter and your scripts are praised more than your direction? Either way good luck to you.


*To all the guys worrying about being virgin at 19-20, here are a few more confessions:
-First date: when I was 25 years old
-First Kiss: when I was 26 years old
-Lost my virginity: again, when I was 26
So don't lose hope, I mean, if you had ONE date before 25 you have better game than me at least, and I'm married now. Way better game
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25 here and have only been on a "I thought this was a date but we were just hanging out" thing so this makes me feel pretty good. Thanks confessor.
 
Trigger Warning

I wasn’t sure whether to send this one in, but if the other trigger warning person can, so can I. I was sexually and physically abused by my father from, well as long as I can remember, till I was about 15, when I finally told someone and they told my mother, and the whole thing unraveled. He got arrested and got only five years in prison, but he got out in 4, but we moved to a different country by then. I’m 7 years older since then, but I can’t let go of my anger towards him and his friends for destroying my life. He introduced me to self harm, he made sure I didn’t get a childhood. I have a major anxiety disorder now, and I can’t masturbate because it makes me so anxious. I’ve never had a girlfriend, never even been kissed by anyone or had consensual intercourse. I often think of how satisfying it would be to end his life like he made sure I didn't get a life at all, but I don’t have the courage to do it, or return to the town I grew up in.

So yes, thats my stupid confession. Saying it made me feel better.
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Nothing about that stupid. I hope you can get some help. You need help, but it's not too late for you.
 
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Nothing about that stupid. I hope you can get some help. You need help, but it's not too late for you.
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Confessor, i'm so sorry that happened to you. I don't get how people can hurt children in such monstrous ways. Their own kids, like in your case. I will never be able to understand something like this.

I can only offer my support, and hope you can find help and the strength to become whatever you want to.
 
Fiction said:
My sister and I immediately thought it was a trap when we heard he'd died, and she went ingonitio to the funeral just to make sure
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My father was a messed up and crazy guy and it was a relief when he died, but sometimes I'll have dreams where the whole thing was a ruse and he's secretly still around. It feels weird.
 
So I was 16ish when I met my first girlfriend. I was young, stupid and horny as well...a typical 16 y/o. Went over to her house after school one day, down to the basement, and started fooling around.

The basement was only partially finished; there was no bathroom. Not even a sink.

So like any good awkward teen moment, we hear a key hit the lock hours before her father was expected home. We panic, get dressed just as the door to the basement opens. He comes down the stairs, says "Hey! Good to see you!" and sticks out his hand to shake mine. So I shook his hand....with fingers that were just inside his daughter moments before.

Still feel guilty about that. Also, now almost 20 years later, my company does a lot of business with his so I'll see him on average every couple months or so. Still remembers me and I still have flashbacks to that afternoon every time.
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Lol, he never even asked why you were in the basement with his daughter?

Nevertheless, this is just precious
 
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Y'all need some Jesus. Panty helmet. Lord.

You should have asked out the girl next door too.
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oh man. i can only think of DB with this confession lol.

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latest

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I've been out of the thread for a week or two. Trying to catch up now, I'm currently on page 41. Damn, some of you guys are really depraved...
 
You may or may not remember me from last year. The crazy guy in the closet addicted to crystal, mentally abusive, etc

A years passed since I sent in that confession so here's what's changed-

1. I came out to my family and came clean on everything. Surprisingly, all I got was apologies and support from my ENTIRE family because they felt like if I had just been open about my sexuality to begin with none of my problems would have happened.

I cannot tell you how much of a burden it's been and how it's just been lifted off my shoulders.

2. I've been sober from drugs for a year now. I relapsed a couple weeks after I wrote that confession last year. But at this point I'm clean a full year. I've removed many negative things in my life and besides an occasional urge which won't go away for a while I haven't touched a damn vice in months.

3. My boyfriend I wrote about met my family and they love him almost as much as me. The previous person and I have cut contact. We had a huge talk and he apologized for taking advantage of me and like an adult I forgave him.

4. I'm back on track career wise and have started at the bottom level being a PC technician. Pays really well and I'm happy with the life I've built for myself.

5. Despite what it says or how I typed I AM NOT HIV POSITIVE. It was a scare and uncovered a medical condition causing me to test positive. I probably should have posted that.

6. I was diagnosed as a manic depressive which I think contributed to my shitty behavior. I've been on anti depressants for almost a year and my behavior and thought patterns have changed dramatically!

7. I really can't thank gaf confessions enough. I realize that post I wrote last year was the first step in me changing my life. I had an outlet that let me speak. Those few replies to my story were completely judgement-free and made me realize that I can change things for better and I did.

8. My relationship is going strong. Despite my initial reaction that I shouldn't be in one. but I realized that he doesn't deserve to be shot down because of my issues if he's made aware of them
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That is excellent, confessor. You should be so proud of yourself, and I'm glad it sounds like you've got yourself such a supportive family.
 
Well, I think all of my curiosity vis-a-vis fleshlights is now gone.

When I graduated high school I moved out of state to a fairly well paying industrial job. I got bad social anxiety and depression so it wasn't exactly the best experience. I moved up there by myself, lived on my own, and didn't know anybody up there. I think if anyone else was given the opportunity of a clean slate with a well paying 9-5 job they would excel; not me though.

I don't got much experience talking to anyone, more specifically the ladies. I'm addicted to porn and I hate it. I often masturbate 6 times a day to any fetishes you can imagine. So since this was the first time I lived on my own, I decided to get a little frisky and buy a toy.

I bought this giant replica ass/vagina replica of some porn star I can't remember and a couple starter dildos for the prostate off Adam and Eve.

Well the dildos came in first so I used them. I was feeling a little constipated earlier in the day but didn't think nothing of it. After reaching climax I took the dildo out, stood up and there was a small puddle of poo. Instead of cleaning it up I just slept on the opposite side of the bed for 4 months.

I was really excited when my ass came in. I named her Susan. I had never used anything like it before, the pleasure was amazing. The first 6 times were great, but after a while she started to stink because I didn't clean her out.

I remember leaving one weekend to visit my family back home and when I came back it was like a horror scene. Fruit flies were everywhere, they were coming straight out of Susan's Anus. The stench of dried lube and rotten cum was too much....

I spent well into the triple digits on Susan though so I got one last round in. It was weird taking that shower and having to wash off dead fruit flies off my dick.

Anyway, that was about 8 years ago now. After a suicide attempt, I reached out and got the medical help I needed. I was fucked in the head back then. Took years of therapy and I still got PTSD from those months of my life but I think I'm getting better.
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Um... I'm... glad you're okay.
 
I feel old. I can't keep track of all of the LGBT+a billion other designations anymore.

there's been a couple of identity oriented confessions and i think i'd like to throw mine in

bscly i'm fairly sure i am androgyne, which probably puts in the lgbtq+ spectrum? i don't know, it's personally not easy for me to admit that this is what i am and in some way i struggle to let it be a crux of who i am, which... i guess being angrodyne in the first place made me feel like i shouldn't have to decide on a single gender, so i guess it's natural for me to reject gender identity associations, because truth is i don't feel like i've ever identified as androgyne, and honestly that's a mess of words that i'm not comfortable with in the lgbt space, the notion of "identifying", probably because that's definitely not how it went for me. At some point i acknowledged that something inside me was very uncomfortable with my perception of myself, and i was also at the same time especially invested in gender related fiction, so i tried to figure it out and voilà after a long while of thinking and asking my friends about it (i remember this one specific moment where i was talking to a friend of mine, and said "i think maybe i'm more of a woman than a man", and she said "all guys think that" which was very british humour of her i think, but at the time it was kinda confusing), anyway the point is i never chose to identify as androgyne, i only came to understand that that was what i was and oops, better start treating myself accordingly or things won't go well

but people need strong identity attachments and the community offers that, i get it, but speaking as someone who has never actually tried to seek out or invest in the lgbt community (even on gaf) i feel like in some way i, uh, don't deserve to be there, as my specific state of place just doesn't make me struggle nearly as much as others seem to across that community

stay strong peeps, and remember, no give up on life pants outside the house

welp, anyway shoutout my my homies yall
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Good on you.
 
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Well, I think all of my curiosity vis-a-vis fleshlights is now gone.



Um... I'm... glad you're okay.
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I gagged a little. I don't even want to image what dried out rotting cum smell is like, but glad to see he's better. Hopefully Susan has moved on too.

As to his position, honestly I might be one of the ones he refers to who is fine with leaving everything behind for a new 9-5 job. Not so much for the "oh it's a whole new city, clean slate, I get to make new friends" or all of that. I wouldn't mind being by myself for a bit.
 
Jazz573 said:
I don't know maybe because he has a girlfriend?
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Umm...that was my point? He didn't actually do anything except dance with a girl and have some lustful thoughts. Nothing actually happened. Or is dancing with others while in a relationship frowned upon?
 
That last one reminded me of something that happened. There's honestly no reason for me to send this in as anonymous, but what they hell:



In junior high I was in several classes with a kid we'll call Carl. Carl, to put it simply, was an asshole. Just a regular, run of the mill jerk.


Then, there was another kid who we'll call Avid. Avid was a weirdo. To give an example, one day he jerked off to completion in the computer lab. Then, to top that off, he wiped his jizz on another kid. (How he didn't get expelled for that I don't know, but he didn't.)


One day, about eight or so of us were hanging out at lunch, including Carl and Avid. Avid went away, probably to bother somebody, and Carl went to talk to one of his teachers. Avid left his backpack with us though, and this kid who was always hanging out with him, we'll call him Leo, started spitting Doritos residue onto it. A few kids started laughing, but I did not. I was irritated at Avid for something or other he'd done, so I started spitting on it too. But not just spit, I hached up loogies on it, and the kids who'd been laughing started laughing harder. Once I started, several others joined in, even including some of the girls in the group.


Avid came back and saw his backpacker covered in spit and snot, and for a moment was gobsmacked. He gazed in wide eyed silence, mouth agape, for a few moments, and then flew into a rage. He started saying "who did this!? Who did this!?," but obviously no one said anything. He was getting heated, to the point that it seemed like he might hit someone, but he was skinny and small, so nobody was scared of him. We all just gave each other knowing glances and smiled at his impotent rage.


This all went on for a few minutes, and it got to the point that it was tiring. No one had any empathy or sympathy for Avid, pretty much everyone thought this was a decent prank and that he was the perfect target for it, but his running around shouting at people was getting tiresome. Avid irritated was more annoying than entertaining, so in a way the prank had backfired. That is, until I saw Carl walking back.


I saw Carl and said to Avid "You wanna know who did it? He did," and then I pointed at Carl. Now, think about this. There was a ton of snot and spit on his backpack, so much that it would have been impossible for one person to have done it all. The thing was covered, yet for some reason Avid bought this. Once I'd named our scapegoat, everyone else assented. Remember when I said nobody would have had to worry about Avid physically assaulting them? Well, that wasn't true for Carl. Carl was pipsqueak, under 4'6'', and probably weighed less than 80 pounds.


Avid stalked up to Carl like a fucking lion, all swagger an rage, and got right in his face and started yelling at him. Carl, though, was an arrogant guy. I'm guessing he had little man syndrome or something, but his ego was the size of Kansas. At first, he didn't understand what was going on, and his face was blank. Then, as he realized that Avid was serious, and actually thought he'd wronged him somehow, he became irritated. His eyes narrowed, and he said something really quite to Avid that none of us heard. Whatever it was, it didn't faze Avid, and he kept going.


Since Avid was stupid enough to believe that one tiny kid drenched his backpack in bodily fluids, and Carl was under no circumstances going to take the blame for something he didn't do, this little joke quickly became a powderkeg situation. Carl's denial of a crime he didn't commit did not at all satisfy Avid, because he was completely convinced he did it. Nobody was backing down, and it looked like it would come to blows, and we all knew there was only one outcome: Carl would get his ass beat. Finally Leo jumped in and told Avid the truth: Carl was innocent, and the rest of us had covered his backpack in spit. Avid looked around, for some reason now wary of a trick, but everyone nodded at this revelation. Avid had been prepared to deal with one culprit, but though better of retribution against a whole group. While he was certainly displeased by all this, he somehow quickly let it go.


The bell rang, and it was time for the next class. Avid picked up his backpack and put it on, like nothing had even happened; like there wasn't crusting slobber and snot drying into boogers all over it.
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You are all terrible.
 
Sister Fucker returns with some updates:

Update 1:

Hello again. I thought I'd send a follow up to answer a few questions that came up from my confession.

So a few more things:

1. We are both currently single. However we have both dated in the past. I've had 2 girlfriends, she's had about 7 boyfriends or something.
When I first started dating my 1st gf, we stopped for about 2 months, but then we started again. I broke up with the girlfriend about a month later for unrelated reasons.
The second girl I dated was more serious. We dated for about 2 and half years. Again my sis and I stopped at first for about 2 months, but then we couldn't find temptation and started up again. This time around, the girl broke it off with me because she could sense that I wasn't being honest with her about something. There was just no way I could tell her.
As for her boyfriends, well.. Similarly we tried to stop a few times, but now when she starts dating someone new we don't really care and just keep going for it anyway.
I know, it's pretty bad. But it doesn't feel like cheating. She's just my sister, I don't see it as any different to if we were just playing Mario Kart together, but instead, we fucking. :)
The sex is just too damn good. We both agree that it's not the same with other people. For example: I can last for such a long damn time with my sis. Like I'm talking constant non-stop pumping until exhaustion and I need to change position. With the gf's, I lasted like 2 mins tops if I didn't stop to pace myself. I guess it's because I'm so comfortable and confident with her. She cums multiple times while I'm pumping away as well, and she says no other guy has managed to do that to her.

2. We promised we'd stop if either of us ever gets engaged.

3. I actually think it's our parents fault that we turned out this way. I'll have to email again to explain why. I'm using a public computer typing this and there's too many people around now.
I'll try to email again tomorrow.

Talk soon!
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Update 2:

Ok so I couldn't finish my last email yesterday. So here's the next part.

BTW, we did it again last night at her place. So damn good! :)
After I sent in the last email I got a bit horny, so I texted her if she was up for a lil' sum'n sum'n, and she was..
She has a roommate, but she doesn't suspect a thing. None of our friends do. They all just think we like to hang out together heaps (which we do) and are just really close siblings (which we are).

Anyway, so I think it's partly our parents fault that we do what we do. From a very young age, my sister and I would see each other naked. We used to bath and shower together for as long as I can remember. Our parents were totally ok with it. They even used to play with us. Nothing sexual at all, just innocent kids playing in water.
They put a stop to it once we got to around the 9/10 age. I guess they realized we were about to hit puberty and would start to get curious so they made us stop showering together.
But we didn't want to stop. So whenever we were home alone we would shower together without them knowing. Again it wasn't anything sexual... yet.

It got to the point where we would come home after school and jump in the shower before they came home from work. Eventually i guess we did start to get curious and we started touching each other, playing with each other, and we pretty much started masturbating each other like that. Eventually we would just come home from school and instead of showering, we would just strip and play with each other.
Eventually we tried oral. Did that for about a year, then one day we both just said fuck it, and we had sex.
We also used to lock ourselves up in my room and pretend we were playing n64, but really we were going at it like no tomorrow.

So there you have it.
I know that its socially wrong, but i really dont see any harm in doing it. We're both consenting adults. We both love our parents. We both love each other (like siblings) but we also both fuck each other (like rabbits)!!

Now if you'll excuse me... I think I might go around again tonight for another session. :D
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NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Sister Fucker returns with some updates:

Update 1:



Update 2:



PkSalh3.gif
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Yeah, I don't really buy it anymore. Too many red flags and oddly phrased portions. Good job confessor, you had us fooled.

edit: this is part of the problem with celebrity confessors, it gets out of hand way too quickly.
 
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