Support NeoGAF

[Hoo-doo]

This person clearly doesn't have children. Anyone who thinks children aren't a burden at times is not a parent.

If I were a parent, I'd think having a kid in the house at 30 is the child being a burden on itself, not on me. That's a dysfunctional way to grow up and start your adult life, in my opinion.

I'd absolutely incentivize my kid to get his/her shit together in a timely manner. I'd also finance part of his/her rent when out of the house if he/she wasn't able to stretch it financially at the time.

 

[Myriadis]

I sorta have moved out quite a while ago.
On weekdays, I be at my own small apartment and on weekends, I mostly drive to my parents and stay there until early sunday, as they need some help sometimes, my best friends are there and there's always stuff to do.
Works pretty well and I like it that way. It's actually not unusual for my other brother and sister to stay at the parents for a few days. Just turned 27 by the way.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

That works, I do the same with my girl although the mortgage is paid off in that case . It's just she hasn't been able to find a job close to where I am right now. Still, that's the smart choice so, good decision.

Damn lucky. It's a major stress for my girlfriend.

And yep, which is why I'm fighting against the idea that anyone staying at home after 18 is bad. Everyone has their reasons.

Now if there's someone who is still at home into their late twenties and still acting like a child, that shit is unacceptable and they need to be given a hard dose of reality and quick, but someone staying at home to help their parents, to save or just because life isn't going as they hoped, I can't judge those people or look down on them and say do better.

You can be living happily one day, everything going great and then everything can just go to shit...

 

[Miles Quaritch]

If I were a parent, I'd think having a kid in the house at 30 is the child being a burden on itself, not on me. That's a dysfunctional way to grow up and start your adult life, in my opinion.

I'd absolutely incentivize my kid to get his/her shit together in a timely manner. I'd also finance part of his/her rent when out of the house if he/she wasn't able to stretch it financially at the time.

Or why not do the sensible thing, let them stay at home and match their savings with your own money?

That way you help them out and make sure they are set up well for the future. I mean, damn...you can't see how stupid this is? You want them out of the house you're willing to pay rent when they can't afford it, but the idea of them staying at home to save and set up a stable future is unacceptable?

What?

 

[Tesseract]

independence isn't even real, it's a step removed from in my day, yelling at clouds, and bootstraps.

 

[QuicheFontaine]

So wouldn't you agree the more sensible approach would be to sit them down when they reach 18 and tell them they can stay at home and use this opportunity to set themselves up for a stable future? Use the opportunity to save so they aren't just throwing money away renting some garbage little box that likely isn't even up to code.

Why expect them to leave at 18 and give the option to return when you could just tell them to stay at home for a while longer and use the time to save. And you're right, they can do that by themselves much sooner than 18, so again, them staying at home isn't so much about you looking after them, but allowing them the opportunity to establish a better future for themselves.

Leaving and returning in failure is going to do more damage than staying at home for a few more years and not having to return.

No I don't agree! Why would I just sit down with them at 18? They'll know it's coming for years before then.

I don't live my life by the credo that the most financially sound route is the best one. There's much more to life than that.

I also don't see my kids going out and trying to make it on their own as "damage".

 

[digitalrelic]

No-one past the age of 13 should be in this position. Anyone in their twenties or thirties in this position...well damn.



Yes, I don't have children. So what? I don't believe children should be viewed as a burden. It's not like someone forced you to have them. You chose to have them so why approach it as something that's a burden?

Children are a burden. There's no getting around that. But they're a burden that good parents are willing to bear. They're expensive, a ton of never ending work, challenging, hamper your social life, can strain your spousal relationship, will make you sleep deprived, etc..etc.. But because I love my child and want the absolute best for her, I'm completely willing to take on that burden. That's what being a good parent is all about IMO. For you to not understand that children are a burden tells me a lot about your viewpoints in this thread, TBH.

And that's also why my daughter is going to be moving out of the house when she's 18. Because I love her and want what's best for her. I want her to learn, to be challenged, to mature, and to become her own person. To struggle.. Without struggle, it's very difficult to find motivation to grow, to better yourself, and to come into your own as a person. Everyone should struggle and find independence in their lives.

 

[StickSoldier]

The freedom of living by yourself is worth the tighter budget as long as you manage it properly. Luckily, my rent is only $320 for a 1 bedroom/bathroom apartment close to where I work. But still, I was actually saving a lot of money when I was living with my parents, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I'm not exactly sure what the feeling was, but knowing that I was still living at my parents place at the age of 27 felt really bad So back in October, I moved to my first own apartment without living with someone else, and I couldn't be freakin happier. It really helped me mentally and emotionally knowing that I was living on my own, and I've become much happier since moving out and not having to deal with other people's issues/problems all the time. Plus, I can literally do whatever the hell I want with no worries of someone barging in my room.

It sucks knowing that some people just have no opportunity to live on their own.

 

[Tesseract]

Look, so long as you guys take care of your parents when they start dying, do whatever

Pleass do not put them in a home

 

[Hoo-doo]

Or why not do the sensible thing, let them stay at home and match their savings with your own money?

That way you help them out and make sure they are set up well for the future. I mean, damn...you can't see how stupid this is? You want them out of the house you're willing to pay rent when they can't afford it, but the idea of them staying at home to save and set up a stable future is unacceptable?

What?

I'm willing to cushion the initial blow for them while they work on getting settled into college/uni and a job, absolutely.
I'm really not seeing why you think that's stupid. Moving out for college is often a huge improvement in commuting time alone. It also fosters independence.

I don't 'want' them out of the house for my own reasons. I expect them to want to leave for theirs and i'm helping them achieve that. Because honestly, your twenties shouldn't be spent living with your parents.

 

[entremet]

Moving and getting my own place was so fun when I did for the first time.

Controlling the look of the place, what's in your fridge, etc

 

[finalflame]

It depends on your economic situation. I was at home for 20 months out of college because i was either unemployed or making poverty wages when i was (even the full-time job i had briefly in that period was $12 something an hour, and that was including a shift differential). Most of my high school acquaintances only moved out of their parents' place when they moved away for work in another place or if they got married.

Sure, if I suddenly became unemployed and hadn't had time to build a stable emergency fund, I'd move home for a few months while I job search. In the same manner, if my parents or any family/friends ever needed somewhere to stay during a time of hardship, my home would be open to them.

My argument is more towards people who willingly choose to not have their own independence and make a life for themselves, and instead stay at home and get comfortable with that life. At least in the United States and most of Europe, you can pretty cheaply find a place in any college town to split with 2-3 other people and get out of your nest.

 

[riotous]

My mom charged me high rent when I dropped out of college; got out of there pretty quick and never went back.

 

[Foffy]

I don't know. Reading this thread (and others) it seems that leaving your house as soon as possible is a thing for almost everyone there, not just for the wealthy.

It's a cultural thing. It involves social norms ascribes to values we make on "personhood," really. Especially the childish 18 years old thing. Motherfuckers can't even drink and haven't a modicum of ground to really be grounded people, but we think they're ready to dive out the doors and have a solid plan. That's some of the dumbest line of thinking I have ever seen. I actually pity people who think at that age, at such a number, that somehow the magical trigger has to be pulled on the gun. Nonsense.

It's one thing to move out if you want to simply be elsewhere or to get away from people you don't want to be around, like if you have a vocation building schools in another country. But too many look at it as a character trait to infer a person's kind of worthiness, and these people have dun fucked up in the way they think. There are simply too many actual variables at play to make such generalizations, especially when you start throwing the numbers of age to infer direct levels of "thou must have ascribed to X by now." First off, there's no must, and second, not everyone will.

independence isn't even real, it's a step removed from in my day, yelling at clouds, and bootstraps.

Let people dream. The people who think in such isolationist views are kind of hopeless to really "sway" if they're caught in their ideas and ways. Much like a bootstrapper.

 

[CrocMother]

How many people in this thread that say they are still living at home do you honestly believe are poor by world standards?

I understand that american lower middle class is rich by world standards, but that is absolutely not the context of this discussion.

I was having a discussion with somebody else about the perception that this is common in North America while it's uncommon in most other parts of the world.

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

I moved out when I was 18 and making under $1000 a month and not a penny from my parents. I lived in a pretty shitty apartment, but it was mine (yes I lived alone until I met my wife). I went back home and lasted one week before leaving again during some rough times when I was 20. My parents are perfectly nice people, I just couldn't bear that living arrangement. Now I'm 32, worked my way through college and own a house.

I realize that this situation isn't necessarily possible for everyone based on where you live (I lived in Colorado at the time), but people who haven't moved out are usually (notice I said usually) doing so because they are scared or lazy. Options are always available to move out from your parents house if you're willing to go outside your comfort zone.

My much younger brother is 25, still living with my parents and is a terrible burden on them, but he refuses to do anything about it and my parents refuse to kick him out. He's at a stage where he's hit a serious failure to launch and my parents are basically coddling him. He has no job, no schooling, and a kid with some random girl and they just subsidize his lifestyle. I'm pretty disgusted by the situation, honestly.

 

[LyleLanley]

Or why not do the sensible thing, let them stay at home and match their savings with your own money?

That way you help them out and make sure they are set up well for the future. I mean, damn...you can't see how stupid this is? You want them out of the house you're willing to pay rent when they can't afford it, but the idea of them staying at home to save and set up a stable future is unacceptable?

What?

I feel like we're going in circles, but life in your 20's should be about more than just setting up a stable financial future for yourself. Move out on your own, learn what it's like to be your own person without your parents around you all the time, do stupid shit in your own home, have a girlfriend move in and then regret that. Not everything has to be about min/maxing your future.

At the very least, assuming your parents actually are willing to let you move back in, try it out and take some risks. If it fails move back in with your parents but don't just end up as someone in his thirties who has always lived with his parents.

 

[J.EM1]

Look, so long as you guys take care of your parents when they start dying, do whatever

Pleass do not put them in a home

This is my situation right now.

Made the decision to stay home because my father's CHF is slowly making him non ambulatory. It sucks, yes. It affects my life, yes. But I can't just put him in a home and forget about him. He made sacrifices for me when I was a child and now I'm doing the same. That's life for me at least.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

No I don't agree! Why would I just sit down with them at 18? They'll know it's coming for years before then.

I don't live my life by the credo that the most financially sound route is the best one. There's much more to life than that.

I also don't see my kids going out and trying to make it on their own as "damage".

The damage comes from going out,failing and coming back home. It does significant damage and could even become a barrier them taking risks in the future.

Children are a burden. There's no getting around that. But they're a burden that good parents are willing to bear. They're expensive, a ton of never ending work, challenging, hamper your social life, can strain your spousal relationship, will make you sleep deprived, etc..etc.. But because I love my child and want the absolute best for her, I'm completely willing to take on that burden. That's what being a good parent is all about IMO. For you to not understand that children are a burden tells me a lot about your viewpoints in this thread, TBH.

And that's also why my daughter is going to be moving out of the house when she's 18. Because I love her and want what's best for her. I want her to learn, to be challenged, to mature, and to become her own person. To struggle.[/]. Without struggle, it's very difficult to find motivation to grow, to better yourself, and to come into your own as a person. Everyone should struggle and find independence in their lives.

This seems like bad parenting to me. Every bit of it, but it's not for me to judge. We all have own view of what parenting is.

More power to you and I hope it works out. Although I don't really agree on the struggling aspect. Struggling doesn't help you grow, it just shows how resilient you are, how good your upbringing was that it gave you the tools to deal with hardship.

 

[digitalrelic]

It's a cultural thing. It involves social norms ascribes to values we make on "personhood," really. Especially the childish 18 years old thing. Motherfuckers can't even drink and haven't a modicum of ground to really be grounded people, but we think they're ready to dive out the doors and have a solid plan. That's some of the dumbest line of thinking I have ever seen. I actually pity people who think at that age, at such a number, that somehow the magical trigger has to be pulled on the gun. Nonsense.

It's one thing to move out if you want to simply be elsewhere or to get away from people you don't want to be around, like if you have a vocation building schools in another country. But too many look at it as a character trait to infer a person's kind of worthiness, and these people have dun fucked up in the way they think. There are simply too many actual variables at play to make such generalizations, especially when you start throwing the numbers of age to infer direct levels of "thou must have ascribed to X by now." First off, there's no must, and second, not everyone will.



Let people dream. The people who think in such isolationist views are kind of hopeless to really "sway" if they're caught in their ideas and ways. Much like a bootstrapper.

I don't think anyone is saying that if you don't move out at 18 you're a loser. But 30 ain't 18.

 

[Foffy]

I don't think anyone is saying that if you don't move out at 18 you're a loser. But 30 ain't 18.

The question should then be "why is your situation so at 30?" and start going from there. If the 30 year old is inheriting the house, would he or she move? I actually have neighbors where they have three generations living in the same home, and this is because the middle one has kids and is inheriting the residence from the old ones when they die off.

It's still not a character deficit, no matter what comes up.

 

[finalflame]

The question should then be "why is your situation so at 30?" and start going from there.

It's still not a character deficit, no matter what comes up.

There is definitely a large possibility that it is a character deficit. Saying it's not a character deficit no matter what comes up seems naive and unrealistic.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I'm willing to cushion the initial blow for them while they work on getting settled into college/uni and a job, absolutely.
I'm really not seeing why you think that's stupid. Moving out for college is often a huge improvement in commuting time alone. It also fosters independence.

I don't 'want' them out of the house for my own reasons. I expect them to want to leave for theirs and i'm helping them achieve that. Because honestly, your twenties shouldn't be spent living with your parents.

Ah, okay. College is different.

I feel like we're going in circles, but life in your 20's should be about more than just setting up a stable financial future for yourself. Move out on your own, learn what it's like to be your own person without your parents around you all the time, do stupid shit in your own home, have a girlfriend move in and then regret that. Not everything has to be about min/maxing your future.

At the very least, assuming your parents actually are willing to let you move back in, try it out and take some risks. If it fails move back in with your parents but don't just end up as someone in his thirties who has always lived with his parents.

Huh? You're going to live upwards of 60 more years and your twenties are the years that should be about more than just setting up a stable future?

No. Your twenties should be the years you set yourself up for those sixty plus years. You can still live in your twenties, but you shouldn't be focused entirely on just living them up because that's what's expected.

 

[digitalrelic]

The damage comes from going out,failing and coming back home. It does significant damage and could even become a barrier them taking risks in the future.



This seems like bad parenting to me. Every bit of it, but it's not for me to judge. We all have own view of what parenting is.

More power to you and I hope it works out. Although I don't really agree on the struggling aspect. Struggling doesn't help you grow, it just shows how resilient you are, how good your upbringing was that it gave you the tools to deal with hardship.

You have a very soft, coddled point of view of life.

You're essentially saying that it's damaging for a person to fail. Dude, failure builds character. Failure and struggle is healthy and is a crucial part of developing as a person. Show me a person who's never failed and I'll show you a person who's never challenged themself.

 

[Foffy]

There is definitely a large possibility that it is a character deficit. Saying it's not a character deficit no matter what comes up seems naive and unrealistic.

It's not a character deficit because one is not an isolated being, first off. We think so, and that is matter-of-fact wrong.

It would absolutely be something else. Lack of prospects/interests is a lack of being empowered. Burnout and regression is pulling away from current habits that cause one to retract. None of these are character deficits to the degree we make them to be, because no person is ever in a vacuum to such influences. No amount of free will bullshit can transcend circumstance and conditioning, which is all that ever makes up a person.

So, to entertain the 30 year old at home, the problem isn't "oh he's 30 and at home" it's more of "what circumstances have caused the individual to validate and 'flow' with said scenario." Again, not a character deficit, because organism is not isolated from environment, so it cannot be placed on personhood solely.

 

[finalflame]

You have a very soft, coddled point of view of life.

You're essentially saying that it's damaging for a person to fail. Dude, failure builds character. Failure and struggle is healthy and is a crucial part of developing as a person. Show me a person who's never failed and I'll show you a person who's never challenged themself.

 

[marrec]

LOL OK

TIL on GAF you need to be rich to live alone

TIL on GAF I'm rich.

*kisses bling*

 

[AlimNassor]

I will kick my kids out at 18. No fucking way are they working retail like me. Living paycheck to paycheck is a horrible way to live.

Yeah but:



^^^^

Also, why don't you have a car?

I have a car but, it's my mother's and personally it's dangerous to ride. I refuse to let her use it. I'll call uber for hrr.

 

[GraveRobberX]

OK take a look at my life, gonna be super personal, I'm an open person and you tell me if I need to man up or pull the boot straps or lack adult skills

Pakistani:

Came to America in 1986, both parents were illegal, so was I, to this fucking day only my dad knows how I got here
Father was a strict religious Islamic zealot, physical abuse galore (we are talking Child service being called by my school due to me having 20+ lashings from a horse whip, because a page ripped out of the Koran, mind you the bindings were loose due to the book being placed by the goddamn fucking radiator, but nope my fault...)
Mom a RN made into a house wife, cause you know woman making at least 5x as my dad is a no no
Dad dead end jobs and sending most money back home to his mother and deadbeat brothers who hadn't amount to anything
Suffered from poverty due to it, lived paycheck to paycheck, any bonuses to push out was siphoned to my grandmother and his defunct ilk (lived in uncles building at 1/3rd price, slept on floors)
After a fight with family, dad saved up enough to buy building
Moved when I was 14, still suffered from inept social/financial burden dad had now placed on me as a fucking 14 year old
He passed away a year latter, my schoolwork suffered from depression, anxiety, etc. Family tried a coup to take over but luckily we saved the building from leaving us
Dads brother who's building we stayed at financially helped us until we were at least grounded
I tried every avenue to get legal, family roadblocked or terms to do so were costly prohibited or time ran out
Suffered a lot but mom and me were each others foundation
I worked under the table making paltry money, mom same thing
Depression and Stress led me to many bad habits which really took a toll on me
Obesity got out of hand
Building super, I had to deal with all the bullshit, my mom is versatile in "desi" knowledge,but I was her asset for American standards
Ups and down my mom and I went through them together
Our relationship is very symbiotic, I'm attached to her, she to me, life just made us so tight that we are inseparable
(Most won't understand, but trust me, hardships with one parent and living through struggles together due to enhance the bond)
Recently my health issues have wrecked me, some may know the ordeal I'm going through, which is finally finishing and soon I'll be home again and being the loyal son

Have I ever wondered what it would feel like living alone, free to do whatever? Sure, its your freedom of being one self not bonded to anything/anyone
I've never dated once in my life, not in our culture, not in upbringing or even my social circle (when I had one)

Right now my life is to get better, get healthier, motivated to get my moms smile back and release the stress I've caused from my inept life but also take the mantle back and be her foundation again
I see myself living my life for her, she wants me to better, which mother doesn't, but she wants me by her side. Its not dependency, but more of a mutual bond that she feels that her and I are together till the end. I'm OK with that.

Reading all these well yeah I would kill myself if I brought a girl home back to smang or smash at my moms home or the yeah you missed out on so much not being alone or how the hell do you invite friends/coworkers over only see it from the culture you're raised in.
South East Asian and many more cultures have complete opposite situations

I'm an outlier to most of these circumstances, yet I feel OK with it
I have no stigma or burden to prove to others the so called battle scars of checking off something I find not compelling to put on a list that one must do

All I know is I'm happy being with my mom, she with me
Eldest son, doing his part, hopefully more and take it day by day

 

[marrec]

The idea is to have helped set up your kid so that you don't have to kick them out at 18, they just naturally move out. It's easier for financially stable families to do this though.

 

[LyleLanley]

Huh? You're going to live upwards of 60 more years and your twenties are the years that should be about more than just setting up a stable future?

No. Your twenties should be the years you set yourself up for those sixty plus years. You can still live in your twenties, but you shouldn't be focused entirely on just living them up because that's what's expected.

I completely disagree with this. Your 20's should be the best, most fun part of your life. Yeah you should still be working and saving what you can but don't let it pass you by just to save some money. Or for fucks sake, if you are at least save more than 12 grand.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

You have a very soft, coddled point of view of life.

You're essentially saying that it's damaging for a person to fail. Dude, failure builds character. Failure and struggle is healthy and is a crucial part of developing as a person. Show me a person who's never failed and I'll show you a person who's never challenged themself.

A hokey sentiment.

You could show me a person who failed and it's just as likely they'll be someone who has become risk adverse and become unable to develop any further as they only see their failures.

But okay, let's pretend that everyone is the same and everyone who fails will come out it as a better person.

 

[Hoo-doo]

The question should then be "why is your situation so at 30?" and start going from there.

It's still not a character deficit, no matter what comes up.

If you have ample possibilities to actually move out and you somehow don't, at the ripe age of 30, then i'd see that as a character deficit.

I've seen the word 'struggle' posted so many times in this thread and it's completely overblown. This isn't like we're living in war-torn yugoslavia during the war. People manage just fine, they do it all the time.

If you're afraid of changing anything because there's a tiny risk it'll fail you probably won't get far in life. And what's the worst that could happen? You come back to your parents who still love you.

A hokey sentiment.

You could show me a person who failed and it's just as likely they'll be someone who has become risk adverse and become unable to develop any further as they only see their failures.

But okay, let's pretend that everyone is the same and everyone who fails will come out it as a better person.

Dude, you're more distraught by the potential of failure than it would be actually experiencing it. You act like moving back in with your parents leaves people developmentally stunted. Guess what, it doesn't. It only makes them work harder to get back to that independence they had before.

 

[Crash Station]

You guys know Bradley Cooper lives with his mom, right? Dude's a famous actor in his 40s that's living it up and isn't held down by a stupid stigma.

I have read some posts and...

Jesus Christ people, grow up. I am Latino, Latino families seem to stick like for forever and hey its good. I am all for... First get a good job, stabilize, then move out... Not just move and try to survive in debt. But once you make at least 20-25k...yeah, move the fuck out. Empty nest syndrome? Come on, your parents will get over it eventually just keep communication.

At my 27 I don't know how I could invite a girl to my mommy's house. My face would melt in shame. Same in a professional work place.... Like, yeah guys let's go over to my mom's house so we can chill out. How do you expect to have social growth? Learn responsibility on other areas? Gain skills such as cooking, cleaning, etc? This mindset of staying with your parents is so weak, it's just excuses built upon excuses.

Move out people, really.... It's great.

Yeah kids, grow up... while I judge you for not abiding by my strict definition of "grow up".

Let me go a bit more into detail when I lived alone. I used my savings to buy a house in a nice neighborhood. No mortgage, no debt, nothing. Moved in with two friends, expecting it to be like college again. And for a year, it was. Fun times were had and all that. But I still went back to my parents house every weekend or every other weekend because I liked to see them and my dog.

Anyway, a year later when I was 27, some pretty bad drama happened and I lost one of the friends that lived there, and then the other guy moved out not too long after. I was alone for many months in that house. I developed a panic disorder that got me fired from my retail job, some pretty bad depression that I'm still in therapy for, and my dreams of making a living off being an author have become severely hindered.

Had I not moved out at 26 at all, I'd still have those really great friends, be mentally healthy, be on the verge of releasing my fifth book (pre-depression, I was pretty consistently finishing 1 every 6 months except for 1 that took a year), and be going out a lot more than I do now with my social anxiety at its peak.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I completely disagree with this. Your 20's should be the best, most fun part of your life. Yeah you should still be working and saving what you can but don't let it pass you by just to save some money. Or for fucks sake, if you are at least save more than 12 grand.

It's fine to disagree, but the reality of the situation is that is that we're living much longer, we're generally more healthier than our parents and so the idea that our twenties should be years we live life is just outdated.

Your thirties is where you should be doing that shit. You have a home (hopefully), you have a good job (hopefully), you're established and have the tools needed to live a good, fulfilling life.

 

[SlipperyMoose]

Moving and getting my own place was so fun when I did for the first time.

Controlling the look of the place, what's in your fridge, etc

That's what I found out I suprisingly loved as well. I often found myself shopping around for things to decorate my house with and make it all match. I felt like an old person but it's actually kind of satisfying.

 

[QuicheFontaine]

The damage comes from going out,failing and coming back home. It does significant damage and could even become a barrier them taking risks in the future.

I really don't see what damage comes from my kid going out, getting a job, getting a place of their own, paying their bills, etc. It's just life experience.

It's going to make them risk averse in the future if they have to move back in? Well maybe, I guess. That would be something for them to work on. They'd still have had that experience though - they would know what standing on your own two feet means, and I think that's valuable.

Plus, in my experience it tends to be those people that never leave their parents' home that are very highly risk averse.

 

[Parch]

There's a difference between a situation when it's legitimately a difficult financial situation to move out and a situation where they're taking advantage of their parents. It's not a legit situation if they're simply lazy and comfortable with their current lifestyle.

I'm also not buying these arguments that it makes sense to live at home to save money for their own house, or to get a good start in life. That might make sense to the kid but not to the parent, and there is no parental or legal responsibility for parents to do this. It's a situation where they really are being taken advantage of and I have no problem with parents saying ain't gonna happen. Parents are entirely in the right if they want to save for their retirement instead of continuing to support their kid into adulthood.

This is how a generation gets labeled as "entitled" when they expect this and think they should be able to do this. There are too many who think it's perfectly fine to take advantage of their parents for as long as possible and that their parents should want to do this. No. It's perfectly fine if parents decide not to and shouldn't be conned or guilt tripped into doing so.

 

[xxracerxx]

You guys know Bradley Cooper lives with his mom, right? Dude's a famous actor in his 40s that's living it up and isn't held down by a stupid stigma.

Was this even worth typing out?

 

[LookAtMeGo]

I have to agree that its your struggles that you make it through that define you as a person. Moreso than your successes. IMO most if not all successes in life come after the struggle. If you haven't had to make it on your own at an early enough age, you might not be equipped to handle the hard times when they present themselves due to a lack of conditioning in dealing with it. But I guess some people have the luxury of parents to fall back on if things dont work out. Some are not so lucky.

 

[Crash Station]

This is the most ridiculous post in this thread.

Moving out is a part of growing up.

For the longest time, people thought that about being bullied as well.

 

[Hoo-doo]

You guys know Bradley Cooper lives with his mom, right? Dude's a famous actor in his 40s that's living it up and isn't held down by a stupid stigma.



Yeah kids, grow up... while I judge you for not abiding by my strict definition of "grow up".

Let me go a bit more into detail when I lived alone. I used my savings to buy a house in a nice neighborhood. No mortgage, no debt, nothing. Moved in with two friends, expecting it to be like college again. And for a year, it was. Fun times were had and all that. But I still went back to my parents house every weekend or every other weekend because I liked to see them and my dog.

Anyway, a year later when I was 27, some pretty bad drama happened and I lost one of the friends that lived there, and then the other guy moved out not too long after. I was alone for many months in that house. I developed a panic disorder that got me fired from my retail job, some pretty bad depression that I'm still in therapy for, and my dreams of making a living off being an author have become severely hindered.

Had I not moved out at 26 at all, I'd still have those really great friends, be mentally healthy, be on the verge of releasing my fifth book (pre-depression, I was pretty consistently finishing 1 every 6 months except for 1 that took a year), and be going out a lot more than I do now with my social anxiety at its peak.

And you're applying your experience to the rest of the world.. why exactly?
Should I write down all the friends I know who moved out at 18-20 and never moved back, turned into admirable adults with great careers and families? Because I could do just that.

Sucks that you got depression, but at least you had a family to fall back on.
And the Bradley Cooper line? What were you hoping to achieve with that?

 

[LyleLanley]

It's fine to disagree, but the reality of the situation is that is that we're living much longer, we're generally more healthier than our parents and so the idea that our twenties should be years we live life is just outdated.

Your thirties is where you should be doing that shit. You have a home (hopefully), you have a good job (hopefully), you're established and have the tools needed to live a good, fulfilling life.

You can still do that in your thirties, you don't need to waste your twenties.

For the longest time, people thought that about being bullied as well.

This is some bullshit.

 

[imBask]

Living alone generally isn't affordable unless you're rolling in the riches.

if you live in San Francisco, yeah sure.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Dude, you're more distraught by the potential of failure than it would be actually experiencing it. You act like moving back in with your parents leaves people developmentally stunted. Guess what, it doesn't. It only makes them work harder to get back to that independence they had before.

There are many ways to experience failure that doesn't leave people unable or unwilling to take risks because of the fear of failure.

And yes, leaving home and feeling like you can and should make it but can't and end up back home would have a huge psychological impact. They'll feel like a failure, like they can't even do something as simple as look after themselves.

 

[John Kowalski]

I suppose I very heavily prioritize freedom and independence, and always have. I still support and visit my parents regularly, talk with them on the phone daily, and on occasion help them financially. But all-in-all, I cannot imagine a life where I did not move out and do my own thing at 18.

Perhaps my wording is harsh, but I think people who have chosen to stay at home without ever even giving moving out a shot would do good in at least trying it. At least for 1-2 years of college, and try to embrace it. If it's not for you, or if you have special circumstances that require you to stay at home, sure. But just accepting a life of being sheltered and at home from birth-30+ seems misguided.

Well i was actually referring to how much you seem to prefer judging people rather than acknowledge that people live different lives and under different circumstances, the very myopia i was referring to.

if you live in San Francisco, yeah sure.

Or everywhere else in the world with low wage communities?

 

[Netherscourge]

People don't usually move out until they get married.

Easier to live with two incomes and all that.

 

[marrec]

For the longest time, people thought that about being bullied as well.

You heard it here first guys, people thought stuff about stuff in the past.

 

[Stinkles]

Got kicked out at 16. Never looked back.

 

[finalflame]

It's not a character deficit because one is not an isolated being, first off. We think so, and that is matter-of-fact wrong.

It would absolutely be something else. Lack of prospects/interests is a lack of being empowered. Burnout and regression is pulling away from current habits that cause one to retract. None of these are character deficits to the degree we make them to be, because no person is ever in a vacuum to such influences. No amount of free will bullshit can transcend circumstance and conditioning, which is all that ever makes up a person.

You're removing all sense of personal responsibility from the equation and making everything about extraneous factors. Plenty of people grew up unempowered, lacking opportunity, and in unfavorable conditions and pulled themselves up through character, dedication, and strength to make something of themselves. Look at most rags-to-riches stories for inspiration on how that's possible. What you call "free will bullshit" is not bullshit; we are in control of our lives and able to make a difference. How can you honestly believe that "circumstance and conditioning" is "all that ever makes up a person"? Is this the excuse people use to stay at home with their parents their entire lives and not make anything of themselves?

I came from nothing; neither of my divorced parents have college educations. My mom re-married my step-father who is borderline abusive and schizophrenic and casted doubt over my ability to succeed in life basically my entire childhood. I was never told how to apply to college or how to seek out scholarships and do well in school. Nobody ever helped me with my homework or school projects. I was never told how applying to college, finances, interviewing, putting together a resume or finding a job worked. I started working when I was 17, scraped enough money to buy a car, got accepted into a state school, was awarded a full-ride scholarship based on academics, moved out at 18, graduated, and have lived alone since. I am now 26 and make close to 6 figures. Everything I have ever achieved, I did it on my own.

If I had been purely a product of the influences in my life, I would still be at home, working a dead-end or no job, with no college education. I fought, on my own, for what I have, and it really strikes a nerve with me when people act like you can't ever do anything for yourself unless you have an ideal upbringing. Some people do have a deficit of character.

There are many ways to experience failure that doesn't leave people unable or unwilling to take risks because of the fear of failure.

And yes, leaving home and feeling like you can and should make it but can't and end up back home would have a huge psychological impact. They'll feel like a failure, like they can't even do something as simple as look after themselves.

If you fail once and then give up, that is on you.