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I'm 30 and have never moved out

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I really don't see what damage comes from my kid going out, getting a job, getting a place of their own, paying their bills, etc. It's just life experience.

It's going to make them risk averse in the future if they have to move back in? Well maybe, I guess. That would be something for them to work on. They'd still have had that experience though - they would know what standing on your own two feet means, and I think that's valuable.

Plus, in my experience it tends to be those people that never leave their parents' home that are very highly risk averse.

I won't disagree with the last point. I've seen that happen and you're right, but then I've heard of the opposite too where people leave, end up back home and can't find a way back out as they fear taking that risk again. They can't bring themselves to do it.

You can still do that in your thirties, you don't need to waste your twenties.

You don't have to waste your twenties, you just devote more time of it to making sure you have a good future for yourself.
 
Moving out was a survival tactic for me, no way an 18 year old can fulfill any potential in rural eastern New Mexico.

I imagine it's different based on your socio-economic status and geographic region though.
 
It's fine to disagree, but the reality of the situation is that is that we're living much longer, we're generally more healthier than our parents and so the idea that our twenties should be years we live life is just outdated.

Your thirties is where you should be doing that shit. You have a home (hopefully), you have a good job (hopefully), you're established and have the tools needed to live a good, fulfilling life.

I suddenly feel extra lucky because i've been living that 'great' life you describe for over 8 years now. Ever since I was 18-19 years old. With triple the amount of actual free time compared to whenever you finish college and start working on your career full-time.

Your reasoning is so damn backwards. But it's no use to keep pointing it out. That 'struggle' you seem to point out every time mostly just exists in your head.
 
If you have ample possibilities to actually move out and you somehow don't, at the ripe age of 30, then i'd see that as a character deficit.

I've seen the word 'struggle' posted so many times in this thread and it's completely overblown. This isn't like we're living in war-torn yugoslavia during the war. People manage just fine, they do it all the time.

If you're afraid of changing anything because there's a tiny risk it'll fail you probably won't get far in life. And what's the worst that could happen? You come back to your parents who still love you.


The idea is to have helped set up your kid so that you don't have to kick them out at 18, they just naturally move out. It's easier for financially stable families to do this though.

This would go to the both of you, I guess. Why must everyone move out? See, this is the shitbrained thinking at work here, for you are assuming an idea as a fact, a subjective conception as natural order. I'm not trying to defend the people who say it's hard or anything of the kind, but calling into question the auspicious fucking idea that an abstract thought is somehow a concrete force to be adhered to. You two have utterly failed at examining this if you're both so steadfast to infer necessity to such things, that the goal of a human organism is to absolutely bail out of the nest, no if, ands, or buts.

It may not be must for everyone because circumstances and reasonings are different for people regardless of cultures, which also play a role, but there's an underlying idea of inferred must, and as always, when humans do this it creates inconsistencies and incompatibilities with reality. It is somewhat infuriating to consistently see here and people swallow it without even examining it for a modicum of a moment.

Again, to make it clear, I'm merely calling into question the habit of thought your posts tend to ascribe, failing to realize you speak mere symbolisms and nothing more.

You're removing all sense of personal responsibility from the equation and making everything about extraneous factors. Plenty of people grew up unempowered, lacking opportunity, and in unfavorable conditions and pulled themselves up through character, dedication, and strength to make something of themselves. Look at most rags-to-riches stories for inspiration on how that's possible. What you call "free will bullshit" is not bullshit; we are in control of our lives and able to make a difference. How can you honestly believe that "circumstance and conditioning" is "all that ever makes up a person"? Is this the excuse people use to stay at home with their parents their entire lives and not make anything of themselves?

I came from nothing; neither of my divorced parents have college educations. My mom re-married my step-father who is borderline abusive and schizophrenic and casted doubt over my ability to succeed in life basically my entire childhood. I was never told how to apply to college or how to seek out scholarships and do well in school. Nobody ever helped me with my homework or school projects. I was never told how applying to college, finances, interviewing, putting together a resume or finding a job worked. I started working when I was 17, scraped enough money to buy a car, got accepted into a state school, was awarded a full-ride scholarship based on academics, moved out at 18, graduated, and have lived alone since. I am now 26 and make close to 6 figures. Everything I have ever achieved, I did it on my own.

If I had been purely a product of the influences in my life, I would still be at home, working a dead-end or no job, with no college education. I fought, on my own, for what I have, and it really strikes a nerve with me when people act like you can't ever do anything for yourself unless you have an ideal upbringing. Some people do have a deficit of character.

I'll only ask a basic question: seeing as you chose to quote up my comments on free will, do you believe we have it? Or at the very least, adhere to its sister concept called bootstrapping?

Understand clearly I am not talking ideals. But you never decide to decide. You're never in fucking control, and one of the greatest human problems today is we assume we're the one's in charge of our ships. You're as much in charge of that as your blood flow and your genetics, really. Most people do not accept that, and this is what will only make one suffer, especially in a social context.
 
You don't have to waste your twenties, you just devote more time of it to making sure you have a good future for yourself.

I think living with your parents is wasting a large portion of your twenties. This of course assumes you don't have a great reason to stay home like taking care of someone that couldn't take care of themselves.
 
It boggles my mind that people get married before already living together for an extended period of time.

It's a culture/religious thing for some. Nothing mind boggling, just. Traditional.


E: I'm 21 and live at home. I'll move when I graduate. Not earlier. I can't afford full time work and school, because the minute I manage to gain a large enough income to support myself without help from my parents, my loan will become smaller, and smaller, and smaller. Maybe once this whole free education deal in Ontario sets in, I dunno.
 
Kudos to the parents who are good enough parents that the kids are actually willing to stay home past 18.

It's a culture/religious thing for some. Nothing mind boggling, just. Traditional.
Oh yeah I can understand that for sure. Im just speaking from my own perspective and life experiences. It just boggles my mind personally. Not really hating on it.
 
And you're applying your experience to the rest of the world.. why exactly?
Should I write down all the friends I know who moved out at 18-20 and never moved back, turned into admirable adults with great careers and families? Because I could do just that.

Sucks that you got depression, but at least you had a family to fall back on.
And the Bradley Cooper line? What were you hoping to achieve with that?

I'm not applying it to everyone in the world. I'm responding to the people applying their worldview to everyone in the world, assuming that moving out will ALWAYS be the right decision like Relix, circumstances be damned.

I also know people that moved out at 18 and are now successful, happy people, and they wouldn't have it any other way. Not everyone is like that.
 
Had I not moved out at 26 at all, I'd still have those really great friends, be mentally healthy, be on the verge of releasing my fifth book (pre-depression, I was pretty consistently finishing 1 every 6 months except for 1 that took a year), and be going out a lot more than I do now with my social anxiety at its peak.

This reads more like you were coddled and the first time something challenging popped up in your life, you fell to pieces. Yeah, this usually happens to everyone the first time they get out on their own, you're just going through it later because you've put off moving out until now. It's about how you pick up the pieces and learn how to deal with disaster that develops you as a person. You can curl up into a little ball and make mommy and daddy figure it out for you, or you can learn how to move on with your life in the face of setbacks. Your parents aren't always going to be there to hug you when things go wrong.
 
This would go to the both of you, I guess. Why must everyone move out? See, this is the shitbrained thinking at work here, for you are assuming an idea as a fact, a subjective conception as natural order. I'm not trying to defend the people who say it's hard or anything of the kind, but calling into question the auspicious fucking idea that an abstract thought is somehow a concrete force to be adhered to. You two have utterly failed at examining this if you're both so steadfast to infer necessity to such things, that the goal of a human organism is to absolutely bail out of the nest, no if, ands, or buts.

It may not be must for everyone because circumstances and reasonings are different for people regardless of cultures, which also play a role, but there's an underlying idea of inferred must, and as always, when humans do this it creates inconsistencies and incompatibilities with reality. It is somewhat infuriating to consistently see here and people swallow it without even examining it for a modicum of a moment.

Again, to make it clear, I'm merely calling into question the habit of thought your posts tend to ascribe, failing to realize you speak mere symbolisms and nothing more.

Not everyone has to move out. I'm not going to judge 30 y/o dude for living with his parents because their circumstances may be completely different than mine. My son, though, is going to be groomed in a way that his circumstances will allow him to move out when he is 18. If that doesn't work then we'll figure out the next steps.

I don't think it's an imperative for everyone to move out ASAP, but I think it's more beneficial for both the parents and the kid.
 
Lived on my own since I was 21. I just moved in with my parents at 28. Also I brought my wife so we can save for a house ridiculously fast, should be about 6 more months and we should have our own house. I can't wait to have our freedom back and space.... I miss our personal space so much lol
 
26 and Im probably not moving out any time soon. Since I plan on going back to school after my co-op semester is done, there's no reason for me to move out and just make life infinitely harder for myself even though I want to. It just doesnt make sense financially or academically.
 
Yep, 27 and still living with family.

Right now my dream is to own a tiny house, because I can actually afford something like that in the near future (I hope). I just want to be on my own, but financially, I can't :(
 
Not everyone has to move out. I'm not going to judge 30 y/o dude for living with his parents because their circumstances may be completely different than mine. My son, though, is going to be groomed in a way that his circumstances will allow him to move out when he is 18. If that doesn't work then we'll figure out the next steps.

I don't think it's an imperative for everyone to move out ASAP, but I think it's more beneficial for both the parents and the kid.

Fair enough. You see one size does not fit all, which was the point of my rambling.

Apologies if it seemed like I was trying to dropkick you.
 
Went to college away from home and returned shortly for a job. Moved out a few months ago. Love my parents but it's very hard to deal with them sometimes. I cannot imagine living with them during this election cycle.
 
There are many ways to experience failure that doesn't leave people unable or unwilling to take risks because of the fear of failure.

And yes, leaving home and feeling like you can and should make it but can't and end up back home would have a huge psychological impact. They'll feel like a failure, like they can't even do something as simple as look after themselves.

Failure is good for you. People who crumple when they fail are people who haven't learned how to deal with failure (or people who suffer from mental illnesses), which is a necessary coping skill in life. Most people learn this, unsurprisingly, when the training wheels come off and they have to run their own lives for the first time.

The idea that failing at something means you're bad or awful is an idea that children have. You will fail at many things in life. Everyone does. The mistakes we make are how we learn. And there are important coping skills involved that you just can't get any other way.

One of the saddest things is a fifty year old who's never had to face failure. They're brittle people who explode when the first major obstacle comes along. My friend, who lived with his parents until he graduated law school, then got married and started a family, had never failed at anything in his life, right up until the moment his wife left him.

Everyone who knew him was astonished, because instead of dealing with it like an adult -- acknowledging that things sometimes fall apart and that you have to put them back together or deal with their loss -- he completely freaked out, pursuing a course of action that wrecked his life. All because he'd never had to really deal with failure on his own before.

Again, it's your life, and you can do what you want, but you're doing yourself a disservice by ensuring you never have to deal with failure.
 
Lived on my own since I was 21. I just moved in with my parents at 28. Also I brought my wife so we can save for a house ridiculously fast, should be about 6 more months and we should have our own house. I can't wait to have our freddom back and space.... I miss our personal space so much lol

God, if my wife and I had to move back in with any of our parents we would go completely bonkers. They all live in smallish homes and we would just be on top of each other always.
 
I suddenly feel extra lucky because i've been living that 'great' life you describe for over 8 years now. Ever since I was 18-19 years old. With triple the amount of actual free time compared to whenever you finish college and start working on your career full-time.

Your reasoning is so damn backwards. But it's no use to keep pointing it out. That 'struggle' you seem to point out every time mostly just exists in your head.

If you say so. I'm not trying to win over anyone with my opinion. I'm simply offering a countering viewpoint.

I think living with your parents is wasting a large portion of your twenties. This of course assumes you don't have a great reason to stay home like taking care of someone that couldn't take care of themselves.

We'll have to agree to disagree. I lived my twenties alone, but life for me is only now getting started. I'm financially secure enough that I can travel and do things I really want to do.

I spent my twenties studying, working and living life, sure, but it wasn't really living as I am now. It was just using the few hours of free time I had to go out with friends who'd get shitfaced and I'd sometimes hit on women who were more than willing to have sex in the toilets or bushes.

Maybe not being a drinker/drug taker is why I don't see the appeal of living it large in twenties.
 
Not everyone has to move out. I'm not going to judge 30 y/o dude for living with his parents because their circumstances may be completely different than mine. My son, though, is going to be groomed in a way that his circumstances will allow him to move out when he is 18. If that doesn't work then we'll figure out the next steps.

I don't think it's an imperative for everyone to move out ASAP, but I think it's more beneficial for both the parents and the kid.

Amen to this.
 
God, if my wife and I had to move back in with any of our parents we would go completely bonkers. They all live in smallish homes and we would just be on top of each other always.

We went from a two bedroom apartment to a 200sqft room. Not to mention my younger brothers 18 and 23 have no intentions of leaving anytime soon. There are 6 of us in the house its tight. My wife is a trooper.
 
This reads more like you were coddled and the first time something challenging popped up in your life, you fell to pieces. Yeah, this usually happens to everyone the first time they get out on their own, you're just going through it later because you've put off moving out until now. It's about how you pick up the pieces and learn how to deal with disaster that develops you as a person. You can curl up into a little ball and make mommy and daddy figure it out for you, or you can learn how to move on with your life in the face of setbacks. Your parents aren't always going to be there to hug you when things go wrong.

I was diagnosed with social anxiety at a very young age and one year in middle school, it was essentially full-blown agoraphobia. It has nothing to do with how my parents raised me.

I also lived away from home for 2 years in college, but you're right, nothing was as challenging as that home event and it's been very tough picking up the pieces that are still all over the place.
 
Not everyone has to move out. I'm not going to judge 30 y/o dude for living with his parents because their circumstances may be completely different than mine. My son, though, is going to be groomed in a way that his circumstances will allow him to move out when he is 18. If that doesn't work then we'll figure out the next steps.

I don't think it's an imperative for everyone to move out ASAP, but I think it's more beneficial for both the parents and the kid.

This is very well put.

We went from a two bedroom apartment to a 200sqft room. Not to mention my younger brothers 18 and 23 have no intentions of leaving anytime soon. There are 6 of us in the house its tight. My wife is a trooper.

She is a saint.
 
Fair enough. You see one size does not fit all, which was the point of my rambling.

Apologies if it seemed like I was trying to dropkick you.

Nah it's fine I can take a few dropkicks
cause I moved out early :P

This isn't some great moral question that has to come down either way, what works best for one family in one culture or financial situation won't work for everyone and to expect as much is silly.

I would say, however, that the eventual goal by American cultural standards and expectations is to move out, but stay close. Families (up until recently) very rarely moved far away from one another. That's changing now, especially in the fly-over states, whereas in the more urban and expensive areas of the country living with one's parents isn't looked down on at all.
 
Failure is good for you. People who crumple when they fail are people who haven't learned how to deal with failure (or people who suffer from mental illnesses), which is a necessary coping skill in life. Most people learn this, unsurprisingly, when the training wheels come off and they have to run their own lives for the first time.

The idea that failing at something means you're bad or awful is an idea that children have. You will fail at many things in life. Everyone does. The mistakes we make are how we learn. And there are important coping skills involved that you just can't get any other way.

One of the saddest things is a fifty year old who's never had to face failure. They're brittle people who explode when the first major obstacle comes along. My friend, who lived with his parents until he graduated law school, then got married and started a family, had never failed at anything in his life, right up until the moment his wife left him.

Everyone who knew him was astonished, because instead of dealing with it like an adult -- acknowledging that things sometimes fall apart and that you have to put them back together or deal with their loss -- he completely freaked out, pursuing a course of action that wrecked his life. All because he'd never had to really deal with failure on his own before.

Again, it's your life, and you can do what you want, but you're doing yourself a disservice by ensuring you never have to deal with failure.

I've dealt with failure but I'm detached enough that I didn't really care I failed. I've heard of others failing and them becoming incapable of moving past it. There are people like that, they become shells of people who are unable to do anything that they know they won't fail.

We shouldn't assume failure is good for everyone. As much as we'd like to believe it is, that it builds character, allows them to grow and become better people, that's now always the case.
 
I was diagnosed with social anxiety at a very young age and one year in middle school, it was essentially full-blown agoraphobia. It has nothing to do with how my parents raised me.

I also lived away from home for 2 years in college, but you're right, nothing was as challenging as that home event and it's been very tough picking up the pieces that are still all over the place.

Then you have a disease (or condition) that is preventing you from moving out so I don't know why you're arguing with everyone. I think that even people who are saying that EVERYONE should move out are aware that it doesn't apply to people who CAN'T for reasons other than "they don't want to". It should be implied that no one is that stupid here.
 
Experiencing failure and living with your parents aren't mutually exclusive.

Some would say it's the reverse.

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jks jks ilu
 
I moved out at 21 and it was incredible. I had to move back in for a few months (I'm 24 now) but I'm out again in May and I can't wait.

Wouldn't living w your parents at such an old age hinder your sense of urgency to make better of yourself?
It does. Since I've gotten back in my mom's house my motivation and self worth have dropped off severely. Recently I was at the house I was living in before I moved back in with my mom and just being there lifted my spirits.
 
I moved out asap at around 20. Even though I was barely getting by, it was totally worth my independence and sanity. And no, independence isn't overrated.
 
I've dealt with failure but I'm detached enough that I didn't really care I failed. I've heard of others failing and them becoming incapable of moving past it. There are people like that, they become shells of people who are unable to do anything that they know they won't fail.

We shouldn't assume failure is good for everyone. As much as we'd like to believe it is, that it builds character, allows them to grow and become better people, that's now always the case.

I don't think failure builds character, but it helps stumble you to where you are now. In fact, what may be considered failures in my life have me where I am now, focused on what I am now, and wanting to make more of that now. A "failure" at a practical vocation to be of service has me considering non-practical routes to consider. Of course for me, my original failure was looking for practicality in the first place, and it breaking down on me is only a reminder of that. I can elaborate further if anybody else here is interested, if only to show people failure isn't this kind of tragic uh oh. The worst failures are assumed to lead to death, but all of the most perfect decisions in life will lead there, too.

One can choose to look at failure as a springboard in such a manner because one cannot innately make a wrong decision. Ever. Maybe a botched one, but that could be based on lack of information, experience, what have you, but none of it is ever wrong. It's what it was, for what it was. But I guess that's an issue of the way we think in that everything must be perfect and on point and it it trails off it's a disaster, but that's not innately true in the slightest.
 
Then you have a disease (or condition) that is preventing you from moving out so I don't know why you're arguing with everyone. I think that even people who are saying that EVERYONE should move out are aware that it doesn't apply to people who CAN'T for reasons other than "they don't want to". It should be implied that no one is that stupid here.

You're right, and I apologize if anyone took my posts as abrasive. It's just aggravating to see people paint stuff like this with a broad brush. Yeah, "it's hard out there" should be a given, but some unfortunately don't have the mental/emotional tools to handle it when things go south, depending on just how south they go.
 
I moved out at 23 to go to Uni. Lived with parents again for a year afterwards and have been renting privately ever since (about 5 years now).

My current situation is that I have lots of debt and I really have to budget well every month just to scrape by. In these last five years I've spent £25,000 more on rent/bills than if I had still been living with my parents, which could have been used as a deposit to get my own property.

As it is, I'm looking at another 3 years to pay off my debts and then hopefully in the five years after that I'll be able to save up a house deposit but It's looking more and more unlikely with the way prices have gone in this country.
 
What exactly are people constituting as "moving out" in this thread? Like is going away to college considered "moving out"? Because in my mind I wouldn't really consider living at college and coming home for breaks and such moving out, I would consider coming back home after graduating and making the jump to get your own house/apartment as when you "move out". So I would think the time to move out would be 22-23 after you've graduated, not 18. I'm living away for home for college now but I don't consider myself "moved out", just temporarily living away from home. I'll move out after I graduate and I'll be leaving the country.
 
Once you move out, you'll be wondering why you didn't do it earlier, paying rent notwithstanding. It's a great feeling. I would move in with roommates, discover how much they can suck, save some money, and then get your own place.
 
What exactly are people constituting as "moving out" in this thread? Like is going away to college considered "moving out"? Because in my mind I wouldn't really consider living at college and coming home for breaks and such moving out, I would consider coming back home after graduating and making the jump to get your own house/apartment as when you "move out". So I would think the time to move out would be 22-23 after you've graduated.

I never moved back after the first summer of Freshman year of college.
 
I was diagnosed with social anxiety at a very young age and one year in middle school, it was essentially full-blown agoraphobia. It has nothing to do with how my parents raised me.

I also lived away from home for 2 years in college, but you're right, nothing was as challenging as that home event and it's been very tough picking up the pieces that are still all over the place.

Dude, I get you. I suffer from a generalized anxiety disorder that's made my life hell at times that also has nothing to do with my parents. It's how you deal with your disorder that makes the difference. Your parents will never be able to pick up all the pieces for you and the longer you lean on them every time something goes wrong, the harder it will get for you in the future. I've been on 3 separate full time SSRI's and now I just take a tranquilizer every once in awhile when my symptoms flare up. I've never had to retreat back to my parents (though I'm not judging someone who has to for awhile, I understand how bad mental illness can be); the point is, it's not something that always HAS to happen.

The biggest argument here is, at any time your parents may not be able to take care of you and then it's all on you. The sooner you learn the skills to take care of yourself, the more secure (and usually happier) you'll be in the long-run.
 
After I'm done with college I plan on moving back home and I don't know if I'll ever move out. I might, but if I do literally the only reason would be so I could have more room to store the things I own and do things like start collecting arcade cabinets. To me there's just no point in moving out. I don't have any close friends or relationships aside from my family, and if I moved out I'd just be living a solitary life. I don't mind the lack of privacy, and I actually like the order my parents give my life by giving me a set of tasks to do around the house. I don't like the feeling of independence.

Also I live in the Bay Area so prices are ridiculous. If I do ever move out it'll be because I get a job that allows me to work from home so I can move to some rural area with really low living costs.
 
After I'm done with college I plan on moving back home and I don't know if I'll ever move out. I might, but if I do literally the only reason would be so I could have more room to store the things I own and do things like start collecting arcade cabinets. To me there's just no point in moving out. I don't have any close friends or relationships aside from my family, and if I moved out I'd just be living a solitary life. I don't mind the lack of privacy, and I actually like the order my parents give my life by giving me a set of tasks to do around the house. I don't like the feeling of independence.

Not to pry too much, but do you have no desire for an intimate relationship in the future? Are you not capable of making your own task list?
 
After I'm done with college I plan on moving back home and I don't know if I'll ever move out. I might, but if I do literally the only reason would be so I could have more room to store the things I own and do things like start collecting arcade cabinets. To me there's just no point in moving out. I don't have any close friends or relationships aside from my family, and if I moved out I'd just be living a solitary life. I don't mind the lack of privacy, and I actually like the order my parents give my life by giving me a set of tasks to do around the house. I don't like the feeling of independence.

Also I live in the Bay Area so prices are ridiculous. If I do ever move out it'll be because I get a job that allows me to work from home so I can move to some rural area with really low living costs.

Legit question, when your parents are dead, then what? Mooch off of your siblings? No, I'm not just trying to be an ass, but this day will come eventually. You should really consider investing in your own future.
 
Not to pry too much, but do you have no desire for an intimate relationship in the future? Are you not capable of making your own task list?

I don't think any women would ever be attracted to me. I can make my own task lists but I always forget or have trouble self-managing (I'm in a university apartment right now and my room is a mess, because I have no motivation to clean it because no one ever comes in).

Legit question, when your parents are dead, then what? Mooch of your siblings? No, I'm not just trying to be an ass, but this day will come eventually. You should really consider investing in your own future.

I don't plan on mooching off my parents when I'm done with college. I'll pay bills (as much as they want honestly), make my own food, do my own laundry, etc. When they're dead, I'll probably live alone unless my sister lets me move in with her (I don't think she would as an adult but she loves me A LOT).
 
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