Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
- Start date
- Status
Why is that?
Colin, if you are thinking of harming yourself please call a hotline (such as 1 (800) 273-8255 in the US), seek emergency medical treatment or both.
I am again struck by how emphatically you equate dating with happiness. As I said in this post: "being in a relationship does not instantaneously fix our problems or alleviate our suffering. We are simply the same person, with the same problems, still suffering, but now in a relationship. The idea that a partner can waltz along and pull us out of our misery is a fantasy that's fed to ud by all forms of media. I bought into it, too. But ultimately, nobody can work at our problems except ourselves. It is unreasonable to expect a partner to "fix" us. Others can provide valuable tools and support but they cannot reach into our skulls and magically eliminate the thought patterns, unresolved grief, self-hatred, etc that make us suffer. That is why therapy is invaluable. Therapy is tools and support. A therapist, ideally, provides us with the tools we need to start tinkering around inside our own heads and the support we need as we do so. It is not easy. Ultimately it takes motivation on our part, which is hard to come by. But the process can be taken one tiny, incremental step at a time, and those steps can be as small as they need to be in order to be manageable."
I know it may seem daft to quote my own post but I really can't think of a more straightforward way to say it than what I wrote before. You do not accept yourself, neojubei. You clearly hate yourself. Going on a date, or having a partner, or even getting married will not change that. In the end, our opinions of ourselves will always take precedent over those of others. Self-acceptance is a gradual process we must go through individually, both unwinding our unreasonable expectations of ourselves and improving the things that we can. We have to meet ourselves in the middle. We have to be honest with ourselves about things we'd rather avoid, be frank about our circumstances, and be able to start from where we are now instead of endlessly fixating on the past. The past is gone. Forever. It cannot be changed. The best we can do is start from where we are now.
Luckily, no matter where we are there are options for getting things to trend back upwards. It's just a matter of figuring out what we can do, and being ready to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. I hope you are able to find some solace over the weekend.
Well, I didn't mean one must specifically have an idea of what "themselves" is but that, more generally, it's best not to have specific expectations and instead evaluate the medications on their own merits. For a long time I was looking for that one medication that would "fix" everything and that definitely wasn't a reasonable pursuit. Hence why it was helpful for me to instead look at each as a potential tool for alleviating some symptoms I was suffering from. Hopefully as we go the image of what "ourselves" might be without these symptoms emerges and so we can have a more nuanced perspective.
It works the other way, too. I've been on a couple of medications that absolutely, definitely helped my symptoms but left me feeling something very different than "myself". Had to kick them to the curb.
I can't imagine the difficulties of marital issues, lorv3th. Have you considered seeking counseling?
In seeing a therapist, killertofu, you have nearly nothing to lose and nearly everything to potentially gain. I am of the belief that almost everyone can benefit from seeing a therapist at various points in their lives; it sounds like this may be one of those periods for you.
That sounds like a tremendously difficult string of situations, Atkinson, and I admire and respect that you've been able to journey through them with what sounds like a very balanced perspective. Have you had a chance to talk all of this out with anyone? Everything you've described ties back to some sort of sense of loss, which therapy can be very helpful in working through. It also could be very helpful for your mother, from the sound of it.
<3
Lots of judgment, not a lot of thinking about the reasons some people take longer to move out.
That makes sense. The last therapist I saw said I should keep trying to find a medication that works since CBT hasn't seemed to work for me, so I hope I'll find something eventually.
I also ordered some CBT workbook thing that my mom found online. The reviews seem really hyperbolic so I'm skeptical but I guess it's worth a shot.
Yeah I kind of avoided the thread myself as I am 28 and am no where near moving out myself. Though I am trying to work my way towards that goal eventually.
Booker Dewitt
Member
It's been sticking in my head the past couple days, having this disembodied voice over the phone tell me how suicidal I was. Detailing the plans I had made and explained to some other faceless person while shitfaced drunk. Where did my inability to explain because of how pissed I was, that I just made plans and never acted on them come in versus a helpline assuming the worst create this narrative. I tried correcting them, and then they mentioned when I tried to cut myself from which I still have scars... and I paused.
Hello everyone! I've been taking Setraline since November and just now I've been plagued with constant side effects: stomach problems, extreme agitation to the point where I think I might lose my mind, twitching in bed and nausea. Although I did feel much better than before, I don't think I could put up with such side effects. I know going cold turkey is a big no-no so don't worry about that. I am just seeking your advice if its worth putting up with it or just simple getting off of it.
Perhaps you needed that. Someone honest who really makes sense of what you are going through. Be happy that you acknowledge that something isn't right and that its ok. No one is perfect. Most people don't realize it and suffer because of it. Couple that with a lack of understanding from others and one succumbs to despair.
Fall Into The GAF
Member
Threads like that attract a certain sub section of people who get off on making themselves look good by talking down on others. The best you can do is avoid topics like that (I speak from personal experience) and just hope they get permabanned when they inevitably fuck up and mouth off again.
I'm finally free from being the identified patient of my family that I've had put on me my entire life. Anytime I dared speak up/out about it, I was abused, lied to, put down, gaslighted or worse to keep me there as the scapegoat, etc. I am starting to be able to breathe and feel like I'm coming out of a coma. I don't go on auto-pilot with data dumping anymore aside from occasional texting, and I'm able to notice and stop it now.
This is weird.
This is weird.
Booker Dewitt
Member
Yeah, I know a outside perspective will help. Just weird to hear it. I'm way more willing to hear someone else's story rather than offing myself #rtdstories
Just spent over four hours cumulative on the phone with a girl I matched with on tinder months ago. While it was great for us too hash out our personalities , the turn it took after we stopped and stated it again was terrible. I was ready to jump a dude after hearing he hit a girl a year ago, that couldn't match the fury I felt after hearing that a dude may have possibly raped this girl I've been talking to for months.
Edit: not saying this is a personal matte, just that some other person could do such a thing. Regardless of his position in life, which was pretty high at that point in time.
^Thanks for the response piano. I participate in EAP (employee assistance program) at work. I see her about every 3 weeks. My mom also was in counseling but not currently.
It was a rough day y'all. The mother of my children came over today for a short while. She brought our 2 children over and her 6 year old child from her previous marriage. The 6 year old told me that her mommy broke down and cried twice today. Not only that, but I looked my ex fiance in the eyes and asked her if she was okay. She just started crying and didn't say anything. Not sure how to take it. She's the one that let me go. I know she's depressed and stressed out (4 kids to deal with by herself with just partial help from her mom). It breaks my heart to see her struggle so much. All I want to do is hold her and tell her everything will be okay, but I can't because she continues to have me at arms length.
Also, I had talked to my dad about me wanting to move on to the apartment idea without my mom coming with me. He took it upon himself to hint that to my mom. Shit hit the fan tonight when I admitted it was true. She started crying and saying that she was sorry for being a burden to me. It just fucking sucks. I just feel like I need to lone wolf it for a while. I feel like I need to grow and discover myself and happiness with myself and I can't do it with anyone else tagging along with my journey.
(For anyone interested, the full story is a page or two back in this thread)
It was a rough day y'all. The mother of my children came over today for a short while. She brought our 2 children over and her 6 year old child from her previous marriage. The 6 year old told me that her mommy broke down and cried twice today. Not only that, but I looked my ex fiance in the eyes and asked her if she was okay. She just started crying and didn't say anything. Not sure how to take it. She's the one that let me go. I know she's depressed and stressed out (4 kids to deal with by herself with just partial help from her mom). It breaks my heart to see her struggle so much. All I want to do is hold her and tell her everything will be okay, but I can't because she continues to have me at arms length.
Also, I had talked to my dad about me wanting to move on to the apartment idea without my mom coming with me. He took it upon himself to hint that to my mom. Shit hit the fan tonight when I admitted it was true. She started crying and saying that she was sorry for being a burden to me. It just fucking sucks. I just feel like I need to lone wolf it for a while. I feel like I need to grow and discover myself and happiness with myself and I can't do it with anyone else tagging along with my journey.
(For anyone interested, the full story is a page or two back in this thread)
I need more money.
They say money isn't the root of evil but the love of money is. Well I love money and it makes me think I'm evil
I love money so much. Been invading all my thoughts. Need to work hard! Earn the big bucks.
They say money isn't the root of evil but the love of money is. Well I love money and it makes me think I'm evil
I love money so much. Been invading all my thoughts. Need to work hard! Earn the big bucks.
I need more money.
They say money isn't the root of evil but the love of money is. Well I love money and it makes me think I'm evil
I love money so much. Been invading all my thoughts. Need to work hard! Earn the big bucks.
Its not my love for the physical money, but what it can do for me.
I decided to stop taking my buspirone the other day. It seems to have stopped working for the most part, and on top of that, I think it has been the main reason I've been way more tired than usual and also why I can't even have half of an alcoholic drink without falling asleep within the next 30 minutes. Gonna see what happens when I stop taking it. I can always decide to start taking it again if things don't work out like I hoped.
You shouldn't just stop! Talk to your doctor first mate.
Please don't discontinue medications without consulting a doctor, Kipp. Depending on the dose it may be causing some tiredness and incompatibility with alcohol, but this could be mitigated by changing the time(s) you take your dose(s). Though drinking alcohol is generally best avoided when on any psychiatric medications.
There's a possibility that Buspar doesn't work for you - it tends to either work really well for people or be a placebo. But it's best to consult a doctor on what to do next.
I don't want to stop taking my medicine but I can't get into see my doctor till the end of the month and that is when my insurance is ending. I have no idea what I am to really do other than stop cold turkey once I run out of meds.
Have you tried calling your doctor redlegs? If you explain the situation he or she can probably call in a refill or figure something else out.
I'll call and see what I can do when he's in on monday hopefully something can get worked out. I don't know if I will be able to fill some of the medicine though even if I can get into see him as it won't be time to fill it.
TheAutomator
Banned
Awful, awful day. Feel like I'm gonna throw up.
Do you remember a distinct time or moment in your life that you enjoyed something or liked the situation you were surrounded by? What did you like about it?
Well, when I was first prescribed it, my doctor told me I should stop taking it if it doesn't do anything, so in fairness, I am following doctor's orders.
He was very nonchalant in regards to that medication. He didn't think it was anything more than a placebo, so after I told him I wanted to try it he was like "Go ahead and take it, if it doesn't do anything, just stop taking it."
pixelation
Member
I feel so hollow, so human.
Absolutely. I never felt a withdrawal before and the feeling sent me to my doctor complaining about a general dizziness. He asked me if I was on any meds and told him and he confirmed it.
i'm cancelling all my plans for tomorrow to stay in bed and rub my legs together
Fair, I didn't know that. Sorry if I seemed pushy! Were you on a low or high dose? I presume you gave it a few weeks before calling it quits.
Haven't been back in here in a while. Some updates:
There's still a lot of college stuff to work on and I'm a little upset at not being able to graduate on time like a lot of my friends are this year, and I'm trying to balance out getting a job and taking college classes. On one hand, I need a job so I can move out because I can't keep living at home anymore. It's starting to drive me insane. On the other hand, I can't work so much that it interferes with classes. It's an annoying predicament. The biggest problem is finding more stuff to balance out all of the work, though. The amount of work that I have to do is fairly minimal, but there isn't enough to even out the work/play scale so it's difficult to get through.
- Helping to work on a project with my college's game development club
- Started trying to go back to gym regularly
- Began working on my gaming backlog
- Got my taxes done
- Started reading for fun again (reading through Dracula)
There's still a lot of college stuff to work on and I'm a little upset at not being able to graduate on time like a lot of my friends are this year, and I'm trying to balance out getting a job and taking college classes. On one hand, I need a job so I can move out because I can't keep living at home anymore. It's starting to drive me insane. On the other hand, I can't work so much that it interferes with classes. It's an annoying predicament. The biggest problem is finding more stuff to balance out all of the work, though. The amount of work that I have to do is fairly minimal, but there isn't enough to even out the work/play scale so it's difficult to get through.
Teriyaki Blues
Member
Yep, buspirone has a very short half life, I was instructed to take it only as an emergency measure (as in, if I feel an anxiety attack coming on). Of course, it made things worse for me. Still, I called my doctor and told them what was going on and made another appointment anyway. You should be good as long as you keep that appointment.
Having a set of mental health problems that I can't seem to medicate at all is something that really gets to me sometimes. I'm a seizure risk, so that rules out a bunch right away, and the rest of them have all given me the most terrible and frankly terrifying side effects.
Ultravi0lence
Member
I'm looking for a new job as my current one makes me feel miserable. The idea of having an interview and trying to make other people believe that you are the best/only candidate suitable, out of potentially hundreds of others; be asked to list all the positive qualities about yourself etc. Off-putting to say the least.
bobawesome
Member
I'm probably going to get banned for a recent message to a poster in a thread but I just wanted to pop in here. I think this forum is only exacerbating my depression and I think it's about time I left it behind, or at the very least just find the restraint to quit posting. I find that I do a lot of lashing out online. Something just comes over me. I honestly don't think I'm the kind of person you'd think I am judging by my post history. I'm not this kind of asshole anywhere else. I think the close-knit nature of GAF and the speed at which people post contribute to my feelings. I've always felt like an outsider on here. Despite coming here for so many hours over the past two years, I've never felt like I belonged. If that's the case, what am I even doing here?
Bye.
Bye.
First day of work starts tomorrow morning and I am super nervous. Millions of thoughts running through my head of how things will go wrong but I know things will be fine most likely. The day I really am dreading as my first and real test is the day I start taking real calls from people and have to actually interact and retain people on their plans.
nope not really. any good situation turned sour really quickly.
My girlfriend who I was in love with broke up with me out of nowhere last night. We've been temporarily long distance for a few months while she is doing a workshop in the US. I felt like things were going great, she made me so happy and was basically perfect for me. But then she just completely ghosted me for the last week and now tells me she things moved to fast and she realised she doesn't really love me so it's over.
Been crying intermittently all day and feel like I could throw up at times. Also this is the worst possible fucking timing, I've been really struggling with my degree recently and have given myself a mountain to climb with assignments and my dissertation over the next few weeks. Now my motivation is going to be non-existent, there's no way I'll get over this in time.
Been crying intermittently all day and feel like I could throw up at times. Also this is the worst possible fucking timing, I've been really struggling with my degree recently and have given myself a mountain to climb with assignments and my dissertation over the next few weeks. Now my motivation is going to be non-existent, there's no way I'll get over this in time.
Well what made those situations good before they turned sour, and what turned them sour?
me, i have bad luck with everything and everyone. would be nice if i died then no more bad luck
User 479360
Banned
Not having a great last couple of days. No energy, little motivation, and stuff to do that I haven't done.
My family member -- who's disabled and I help look after -- has been coughing a lot, and they don't know what it is. They're not sure if it's COPD, or what, and I hate it. Worrying about it is making me sick.
Plus, the place was just cleaned a week ago and I'm already seeing dirt, dust, etc. accumulation. I wish things would just stay clean.
My family member -- who's disabled and I help look after -- has been coughing a lot, and they don't know what it is. They're not sure if it's COPD, or what, and I hate it. Worrying about it is making me sick.
Plus, the place was just cleaned a week ago and I'm already seeing dirt, dust, etc. accumulation. I wish things would just stay clean.
First time posting in this thread. To preface - I have severe OCD that revolves almost entirely around intrusive thoughts.
I have been seeing a psychologist for over 6 months now. I sought help after a particularly awful slump in my mental health and general well being. I had never reached such a low point, and was starting to develop thoughts of suicide. I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, and was beginning to become mentally unstable. With her help, the support of my family, and my own efforts, I have been able to steadily take more and more control over my life. Most of December, January, and February were some of the best periods I have ever had in terms of how well I was managing the disorder.
The last week has been god awful. I thought I had control of things, but things slipped very quickly, and I spiraled down to rock bottom. So bad that at the worst of it, I was unable to go a more than a minute in my thinking that was OCD free. My OCD was manifesting itself in an incredibly aggressive fashion. I was thinking irrationally, and on the brink of total internal panic. The physical symptoms of stress and lack of sleep were awful as well. Pains in my joints, tight chest, light headed and feeling like I wanted to throw up. I also had to work that day, which made it worse. The office environment made it impossible for me to even try and calm myself down. While I have managed to bounce back a bit over the last two days, I am still in a very bad place. I'm managing to function in the most limited sense possible at the moment. My psychologist can only see me in a week in a half, and so for the time being, i'm just treading water. I don't know what's worse at the moment. Dealing with my OCD at its worst, or the crushing disappointment of losing control after seemingly being on the path towards mastering my situation.
I feel like I'm just rambling, but it helps
I have been seeing a psychologist for over 6 months now. I sought help after a particularly awful slump in my mental health and general well being. I had never reached such a low point, and was starting to develop thoughts of suicide. I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, and was beginning to become mentally unstable. With her help, the support of my family, and my own efforts, I have been able to steadily take more and more control over my life. Most of December, January, and February were some of the best periods I have ever had in terms of how well I was managing the disorder.
The last week has been god awful. I thought I had control of things, but things slipped very quickly, and I spiraled down to rock bottom. So bad that at the worst of it, I was unable to go a more than a minute in my thinking that was OCD free. My OCD was manifesting itself in an incredibly aggressive fashion. I was thinking irrationally, and on the brink of total internal panic. The physical symptoms of stress and lack of sleep were awful as well. Pains in my joints, tight chest, light headed and feeling like I wanted to throw up. I also had to work that day, which made it worse. The office environment made it impossible for me to even try and calm myself down. While I have managed to bounce back a bit over the last two days, I am still in a very bad place. I'm managing to function in the most limited sense possible at the moment. My psychologist can only see me in a week in a half, and so for the time being, i'm just treading water. I don't know what's worse at the moment. Dealing with my OCD at its worst, or the crushing disappointment of losing control after seemingly being on the path towards mastering my situation.
I feel like I'm just rambling, but it helps
Teriyaki Blues
Member
I know that some people may just use this thread to vent current emotions and get those feelings out there, and that might be the case for you. Maybe you don't really want advice or help, but just want to talk about the endless loop in your head that won't go away no matter what you do. And if that's the case for you, I grok it a lot, because that is very much the case for me.
But your posts in this thread worry me that you may be subconsciously or even consciously pushing everyone away from you, because you don't want to spread your sorrows to people that care about you, or might start to. You seem to see yourself as a burden, as bad luck that touches and corrupts everything in your life. The opposite of a Midas touch, you may feel you turn everything into dross instead of gold. You rebuff other posters constantly, who only want to empathize with and help you, if possible. I see you coming back over and over again to respond to tentative positivity with negativity. There are people here that care about you, and who would be hurt if you were harmed, or were to just someday vanish. I myself lurked for years before submitting an application, and you were always the poster I worried about the most, as little as that may mean to you, and it doesn't really have to mean anything to you - they're my thoughts and feelings, after all.
One thing that has helped me immensely (and might be a good starting point for you) was to figure out which impulses and words in my head are the mental illness, and which ones are "me". I don't attempt to disassociate from those thoughts and feelings, they are a part of me, always have been, always wll be. However, by realizing that they are a separate process in my brain that is always trying sap my joys in life, trying to trick me into hurting myself and the people around me, I've learned that it is okay to sometimes not listen to that part of myself. And the less I listen to it, the easier it gets to not listen to it even more.
It isn't a perfect process. It doesn't always work. I still have bad days where I don't leave the bed except to piss and get more tissues for my gross, snot-covered face. But it is the one line of thought that has brought some measure of light and hope and even a little control (and all that sappy BS stuff) into my life, after years of trying medications and therapy and all kinds of stuff failed.
And hey, if you're just here to vent, to have other people read your words and to care about them and you, and you don't want anyone to really reply with advice or trying to help in some way, I'm sure all you have to do is ask. I'm here, and I see your words. I hope you stay here so I can read them. (And if I'm totally off base, that's on me, not you. Feel free to flip me off and go about your day.)
@Ledhead - welcome to the thread! You probably already have this figured out somewhere inside you, but you know that things can get better. You've done it before, with help. Hang in there, intrusive thoughts and the quest for immaculate perfection (or discouragement when things don't instantly get better after we try something new) can make things spiral out of control really quickly. Has anything changed in your daily routine, medication, diet, or environment that could have exacerbated your symptoms? For instance, it is very humid and cold where I live right now, which makes me hurt all over, physically. Which makes the anxiety/depression worse, of course. I hope thst things get better for you again, and soon!
@OCDChewie - I'm sorry you're going through a personal rough patch still. It must make dealing with your relative and helping them extra hard and draining. Remember to take some you-time when and if you can. You can't expect your wireless controller to work if you didn't charge the battery, right?
On a personal note, I'm having an extra-hard time again lately being eloquent and expressive in correctly conveying my thoughts and feelings, and also having a very hard time deciphering certain posts. I can read something three or four times and still feel like I'm underwater, trying to read someone's lips, and that they might not be speaking English. I greatly admire people who learn more than one language, and I do my best, but sometimes my brain just jumps tracks and I feel terrible for the temporary communication gaps. I worry that it may one day not go away after a good night's sleep.
None of my (great- or) grandparents have really lived long enough for me to know if dementia or Alzheimer's runs strongly in the family. The ones that have lived longer (all the same gender as myself) remained sharper than tacks until their deathbeds, and the ones that haven't all died early thanks to substance abuse/addictive personality related stuff, which definitely does, along with the mental health problems.
User 479360
Banned
Thanks
I don't really have a way of charging my batteries, because I'm constantly consumed with guilt and worry. I can't get out of my head, and hardly enjoy things.
I went out on Friday, and went shopping with a friend, but I still couldn't stop worrying. It helped a bit, but it seems like things are getting worse with my parent (who I'm closest two by a mile), and I'm scared. I'm not mentally strong enough to handle losing them.
Those side effects could be the Sertraline but also could just be anxiety or depression side effects to. Also a suggestion for you and Kipp here below
I recently had a DNA test, it was just a couple swabs from the mouth they sent in. You can ask your doctor for it and if your insurance doesn't cover it the company usually subsidizes it and charges you $25. They test your DNA with all the medications says exactly what metabolizes for you and works and what doesn't so it helps take the trial and error guess work out of these type of medications.
I don't have any help for you but I know some of what its like and feel for you. I take care of my mom who is disabled and its both trying and heart breaking for me. I end up sacrificing taking care of my issues to help her and it just drains the life out of me. She missed two doctors appointments the last couple weeks because i've had bad neck spasms and migraines that had me in the bathroom all morning puking. I don't even have a license anymore and i'm not supposed to be driving but she still depends on me to take her to her appointments and it just depresses me even more. She used to have OCD about cleaning and now she can't even do that and I try to clean but yea you can never keep things clean for long. And its difficult for me to find a good day to clean and when I do it usually wipes me out for a couple days. I've been debating for a while once I get my SSD situation settled to move down closer to my sister so she can help me take care of her. Just having that burden lifted would do wonders for me.
Teriyaki Blues
Member
I do have some experience in caring for a dying loved one (cancer that spread aggressively after chemo). If you ever need an ear or a shoulder, just PM me. My schedule is pretty erratic, but I will reply back ASAP.
If you need someone to talk to, I'm willing to listen. I've dealt with those who were dying as a previous vocation, so I offer myself as an ear.
Thank you for the kind words. I'm currently not on medication, and keep a close eye on any external factors which might affect me. I know that my obsession with a specific intrusive thought is the cause for this latest slump. While I have worked on it, my need for absolute certainty in the face of any possible 'threat' has been the reason for my slip. I was unable to break away from one particular issue because of my reliance on absolute certainty, and my OCD gained a foothold and spread out of control. Once I finally see my psychologist, I aim to actively work on a new strategy to dealing with these issues that does away with my 'need' for certainty and perfection. While I can certainly manage my illness most of the time, until I take that next step, i'll always be at risk of crashing back down.
I know that I can get out of this. I just need to keep my head down and take things day by day for the time being.
Therapy certainly helped me a lot. Knowledge is power, and you therapy gives you knowledge, and the tools you need to address your problems. By gaining knowledge of how mental disorders function, one becomes better prepared to deal with whatever their particular issue may be. I wish you the best of luck!
- Status