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[Kevtones]

Had 3 dates in 3 days…


1) Cool woman. Met a Hollywood bar. She was more nerdy than I but pretty and cool and works in the industry. Just didn't feel it though. A little bummed.

2) Met a Russian woman in WeHo at a coffee spot. Friendly and easy but I felt like we've encountered such different lives that it just won't click. Might see her again.

3) Persian woman in Culver City. Quite a looker and interesting and older than me. We kissed at the end and the we sort of meshed on a 'weird' level. We'll see.

 

[Kurtofan]

mmm feeling kind of bad right now.

Saw that girl who ghosted me on the texts I sent her today, I had completely forgotten about her so I was a bit shook.

I stayed to talk with a guy I kow (we were both staying) but when I was alone with her, I got scared and just said goodbye to her. damnit. I wasn't sure what to do, it really sucks, I wish I asked her why she didn't answer the texts... (she had told me we could talk to each other on the 19th but she never answered my texts...) Feels like she might want to talk.

Think I should call her? No texts.

edit: just sent her text, asking if I can call her, I need to get this out of my head.

 

[Cudder]

mmm feeling kind of bad right now.

Saw that girl who ghosted me on the texts I sent her today, I had completely forgotten about her so I was a bit shook.

I stayed to talk with a guy I kow (we were both staying) but when I was alone with her, I got scared and just said goodbye to her. damnit. I wasn't sure what to do, it really sucks, I wish I asked her why she didn't answer the texts... (she had told me we could talk to each other on the 19th but she never answered my texts...) Feels like she might want to talk.

Think I should call her? No texts.

edit: just sent her text, asking if I can call her, I need to get this out of my head.

You're being way too clingy, holy shit. Just let it be, man. Her not answering your texts WAS her answer. You sent her another text asking if you can call her? I don't remember your situation with her from previous posts, but good lord get a grip.

 

[Kurtofan]

what does it mean to be clingy.

I haven't sent the text yet, I'm thinking maybe she lost her phone and that's why she stopped answering me. and also why she keeps calling me the wrong name, she lost her phone ergo she doesn't have my name registered. then sending her a text is utterly useless. I won't send the text then.

 

[gwailo]

Jesus Christ, dude, just go see a shrink already. You're spending days obsessing over a fucking text message.

 

[Kurtofan]

I already see a shrink. but it's not been days, it's just today. I had forgotten about it until today.

I don't know I felt like I read some interest today...

 

[Gotdatmoney]

mmm feeling kind of bad right now.

Saw that girl who ghosted me on the texts I sent her today, I had completely forgotten about her so I was a bit shook.

I stayed to talk with a guy I kow (we were both staying) but when I was alone with her, I got scared and just said goodbye to her. damnit. I wasn't sure what to do, it really sucks, I wish I asked her why she didn't answer the texts... (she had told me we could talk to each other on the 19th but she never answered my texts...) Feels like she might want to talk.

Think I should call her? No texts.

edit: just sent her text, asking if I can call her, I need to get this out of my head.

Someone goes ghost on you you let it go. If you ever see that person again you just be nice and then forget about them after that. Texting them or calling them or otherwise isnt gonna win you any points. Its just bugging someone who doesnt wanna talk to you. And if theynwemt ghost on you what makes you think they will suddenly wanna talk now?

Don't di that shit again bruh.

 

[Izuna]

So... How I stop a girl from calling me honey/hun? And is inviting a girl for a soda after Ramadan definitely a date?

I don't know where else to ask this. I don't know if it's mere endearment or not. I don't want to say "by the way, I don't fancy you".

She awesome and pretty, just trying to be friends only.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

So... How I stop a girl from calling me honey/hun? And is inviting a girl for a soda after Ramadan definitely a date?

I don't know where else to ask this. I don't know if it's mere endearment or not. I don't want to say "by the way, I don't fancy you".

She awesome and pretty, just trying to be friends only.

I feel like you ask a variation of this question every few days. What do you think the answer to this is?

 

[Miles Quaritch]

So... How I stop a girl from calling me honey/hun? And is inviting a girl for a soda after Ramadan definitely a date?

I don't know where else to ask this. I don't know if it's mere endearment or not. I don't want to say "by the way, I don't fancy you".

She awesome and pretty, just trying to be friends only.

Some people say honey/hun to everyone and can mean literally nothing at all. What else has she done to indicate she likes you?

 

[War Peaceman]

I already see a shrink. but it's not been days, it's just today. I had forgotten about it until today.

I don't know I felt like I read some interest today...

You are bad at reading signals.

She is not interested.

 

[ErrorMacro]

After one great date, and a second fantastic date, everything goes to shit after my third date. Yeah, pretty sure I'm back to my life.

So, GAF, I'm trying to get over her. Even though I did not go out much with her, she is the first girl I ever went out with that I could really see myself in a relationship in the future. So, as my first heartbreak, it really, really sucks. I really can't fathom how hard a true breakup, with someone you are with and still love, can be.

I figure the only thing I can do at this point is moving on (I'm still at the fucking stage where I can rationalize that we will never be together, but an unconscious part of me thinks we can), and I'd like to ask you guys if you have any good advice on taking pictures for dating sites. My current pictures suck, and are outdated as fuck. Because I'm planning to set up a happn account (My last chance!), I'd love to have some better pictures to display. Thanks!

 

[Will the Thrill]

So, second time poster, long time lurker. Only ever dated one girl for about 5 weeks two years ago so obviously I'm not that good at this kind of stuff haha. Figured I'd talk about some stuff I've had happen recently. I had a really good friend from the end of school last year that I hadn't seen in like 9 months, we kept talking the whole time and about a month and a half ago we finally saw each other again. It went great and from there we kept making trips to see each other (She moved about an hour away). Anyway eventually she asked to go to this beach over the weekend for a couple days by ourselves.

Stuff happened and we kissed, slept together (Just slept btw haha) and all that. She had liked me last year but I wasn't in a good place so I didn't go for it but we stayed friends. Anyway, after this weekend I didn't really know what to call "us" now so I asked and she didn't really know either. She said she didn't want an actual relationship because of stuff going on, but didn't specify I guess.

I don't really think I can handle a friends with benefits type deal since I do have some feelings for her now. Seeing her tomorrow so I'm obviously gonna get things straight. Any word of advice gaf? Should I just go with the flow? I'll be fine if she just wants to stop.

 

[BadTaste]

I met a girl back in May and we met again last night, we've known each other for years and back in the day (8~ years ago or so) I knew she was interested in me but I was young and immature at the time, I didn't care. Anyway last night was brilliant, we went to the cinema then went back to my place at around 11 at night. I had alcohol and I put music on, we stayed up talking and drinking until 3am, but during that time she asked if I was stressed out to which I denied (I was just nervous, first girl I've been with in 4 to 5 years). I honestly like her but maybe that's too soon to say? We made out in my bed and then had sex.

Since last night she hasn't been putting in much effort to reply to my texts... I only texted her twice to which she replied to my first one, I know she read the second. No doubt I'm overthinking things, I used to have bad anxiety and depression and now it feels like it's all coming back again. It wouldn't surprise me if she felt she wasn't interested in me now, I'm an awkward person to be around, I don't have much to talk about as I'm pretty boring. I don't get a lot of social interaction.

It's too soon I guess to express my feelings towards her, I don't know what to do from here on out. I want to meet her again, perhaps this weekend.

Could I say I've been starting to have feelings for her or is it too risky this early on?

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

After one great date, and a second fantastic date, everything goes to shit after my third date. Yeah, pretty sure I'm back to my life.

So, GAF, I'm trying to get over her. Even though I did not go out much with her, she is the first girl I ever went out with that I could really see myself in a relationship in the future. So, as my first heartbreak, it really, really sucks. I really can't fathom how hard a true breakup, with someone you are with and still love, can be.

I figure the only thing I can do at this point is moving on (I'm still at the fucking stage where I can rationalize that we will never be together, but an unconscious part of me thinks we can), and I'd like to ask you guys if you have any good advice on taking pictures for dating sites. My current pictures suck, and are outdated as fuck. Because I'm planning to set up a happn account (My last chance!), I'd love to have some better pictures to display. Thanks!

You got way too invested after 3 dates. I don't think that it's enough to qualify for "heartbreak", but people do react differently. I think you should cut off all contact with her (if you haven't already) and not go straight back to online dating. Calling it your "last chance" and being still emotionally involved with that girl is not the proper mindset for dating.

So, second time poster, long time lurker. Only ever dated one girl for about 5 weeks two years ago so obviously I'm not that good at this kind of stuff haha. Figured I'd talk about some stuff I've had happen recently. I had a really good friend from the end of school last year that I hadn't seen in like 9 months, we kept talking the whole time and about a month and a half ago we finally saw each other again. It went great and from there we kept making trips to see each other (She moved about an hour away). Anyway eventually she asked to go to this beach over the weekend for a couple days by ourselves.

Stuff happened and we kissed, slept together (Just slept btw haha) and all that. She had liked me last year but I wasn't in a good place so I didn't go for it but we stayed friends. Anyway, after this weekend I didn't really know what to call "us" now so I asked and she didn't really know either. She said she didn't want an actual relationship because of stuff going on, but didn't specify I guess.

I don't really think I can handle a friends with benefits type deal since I do have some feelings for her now. Seeing her tomorrow so I'm obviously gonna get things straight. Any word of advice gaf? Should I just go with the flow? I'll be fine if she just wants to stop.

1. Tell her you have developed feelings for her so you don't think you can stay friends, but if she doesn't feel the same way you'll respect that.
2. Say nothing, continue pining for her and hope she falls for you.

Don't do #2.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Why is it your last chance, Error?

 

[Will the Thrill]

1. Tell her you have developed feelings for her so you don't think you can stay friends, but if she doesn't feel the same way you'll respect that.
2. Say nothing, continue pining for her and hope she falls for you.

Don't do #2.

I wouldn't say I'm really pining for her anymore though, it'd be nice to be in an actual relationship, but I think just being friends with benefits is a weird situation for us specifically.

But yeah I'm just gonna tell her that yeah I kind of was hoping for more, but that I wouldn't want to lose her as a friend if she doesn't to. I just don't feel comfortable doing stuff like this weekend with her that way.

 

[norm9]

Bumble seems to front load you with all the attractive women. Honestly, after a handful of matches and no actual dates developing I think that bumble is a failure so far. Maybe most women are bad at picking up guys?

I'm done with bumble. Signed up for coffee meets bagels. We'll see how well this works. Put up a picture of me in a suit looking kinda good, one of me in Mexico (I like to travel!), and one of me being "fun." First girl I liked passed on me. I passed on the next one. I'll probably just like from now on to up my chances.

 

[ErrorMacro]

You got way too invested after 3 dates. I don't think that it's enough to qualify for "heartbreak", but people do react differently. I think you should cut off all contact with her (if you haven't already) and not go straight back to online dating. Calling it your "last chance" and being still emotionally involved with that girl is not the proper mindset for dating.

Yeah, I know. But consider it from my perspective: I haven't dated a lot of women, and before I was 24 years old (I'm 26 now), I didn't date at al. I haven't had any bad experiences dating, but while most girls I've met were quite great, none of them had the little spark that makes you feel like you could possibly go for a relationship in the future.

I'm not shitting you when I say it was the first time I felt like that for someone, even though it was fast and brief. Before her, based on my past experience, I thought I would probably never get attached and have feelings beyond friendship and/or physical attraction for any girl, so at least It was a good experience to prove me wrong.

In the end, I think the best way to get over her is to just try meeting new people, and having new experiences. Staying home sulking about what could have been won't do me any good.

Why is it your last chance, Error?

Oh, don't mind me, that's me being dramatic lol. Okcupid and Tinder have been quite boring around here lately, while happn seems to be getting quite popular, so I'm putting a little more faith into it.

 

[ZackieChan]

You got way too invested after 3 dates. I don't think that it's enough to qualify for "heartbreak", but people do react differently. I think you should cut off all contact with her (if you haven't already) and not go straight back to online dating. Calling it your "last chance" and being still emotionally involved with that girl is not the proper mindset for dating.



1. Tell her you have developed feelings for her so you don't think you can stay friends, but if she doesn't feel the same way you'll respect that.
2. Say nothing, continue pining for her and hope she falls for you.

Don't do #2.

Eh, you're giving the opposite advice to each of them. Your advice to poster #1 is right. But 2nd guy - just enjoy yourself. You like her, keep hanging out with her. If she likes you back in that way, then you'll become a couple. Put too much pressure on her now and she'll freak out, probably. Would you rather have nothing?

Not sure why a fwb situation doesn't work specifically for you two. Even so, that isn't necessarily what it is. It's just not a committed relationship yet. And that's fine. You've only seen each other a couple of times.

Kurtofan - you are being ridiculous. You need to chill out and be cool. When you talk to women, whether they ghosted you or not, you can't be freaking out over every little sign or missed text. It's not healthy. You need to be working more angles so you're not invested in just this one girl. Be the cool guy you want to be.

Izunadono - it sounds like you've forgotten the easiest way to communicate an idea. Talk to them about it and be clear what you're looking for! It isn't as difficult as you make everything out to be.

 

[Sami+]

Yo I haven't posted in this thread in a hot minute but it's good to see the regulars still at it and giving good advice

Not much has happened dating wise. Lots of bad luck really, the people I like are either taken, just got out of bad break-ups, or straight up aren't interested. The people that like me I'm just not really interested in. 😬

That being said I do have dinner/coffee lined up with a tinder girl on Monday. Matched about a week ago and I asked for her number after getting to know each other a bit. Sadly it's been hard to schedule something since our schedules keep conflicting and this week was finals week. Did a little bit of back and forth texting every couple of days and she followed me on IG, she seems really genuine and interested.

Hoping for the best but if it doesn't go great that's chill.

 

[Blitzrules240]

And my night has changed...

She forgot she had to babysit her niece.
So no drinks, no Netflix...nada. I guess I'll just watch OINB Season 4 now.

I did invite her to a bonfire tomorrow for a friends birthday but maybe that's too soon to meet friends?

I don't even know if we're casual or dating or if we're just hanging out. I kinda want to ask her but don't want to weird her out.

Oh well, Happy Friday DatingGaf.

Y'all have fun tonight.

 

[Flux]

And my night has changed...

She forgot she had to babysit her niece.
So no drinks, no Netflix...nada. I guess I'll just watch OINB Season 4 now.

I did invite her to a bonfire tomorrow for a friends birthday but maybe that's too soon to meet friends?

I don't even know if we're casual or dating or if we're just hanging out. I kinda want to ask her but don't want to weird her out.

Oh well, Happy Friday DatingGaf.

Y'all have fun tonight.

You and I basically have the same Friday, except I'm watching Voltron

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Boy, that "I think I got date's" thread was a hoot.

 

[Oblivion]

UGH.

So this week I went to E3, and attended one of the after parties. There I met this smokin' hot redhead gamer and had a pretty nice rapport going. She was incredibly sweet and friendly, and seemed pretty engaged overall. Things were goings swimmingly until her douche friend interrupted our conversation so that he could tell her he just spoke with someone that she had to check out.

At that point I thought it was over, but there was a tiny bit of hope left when she asked if I wanted to join her. Obviously I said yes and went to check out what the hubbub was about. Unfortunately, 5 minutes douchebag tells her that they had to go, and that was the end of that.

Now, I'm not saying that this was a slam dunk. I mean, she could have just been one of those naturally friendly, bubbly type girls. But since homeboy interfered, I'll never know for sure.

Oddly enough, this makes this the third E3 where I've been cockblocked.

 

[~Kinggi~]

I really dont know what to do. Im reaching a point where i literally feel a profound physical suction of energy from me resulting in deep sadness to the point i just start to cry now whenever i make attempts and do things to try and progress my social life. Its honestly amazing to me every time how much i must resemble social cryptonite. I mean i must actually be really ugly or repulsive in some way because for many many years it has been the same fucking shit. I make attempts to go out with people from work. People that say they are friends. Every time within an hour i become a nameless tag-along. Im 32 yr virgin and i dont advertise it. I try to put a good face forward. Like tonight i was supposed to be celebrating a big thing with this other guy. Night starts with some guys and things are fine. Then the girls show up and before you know it im in an oddly paired group sitting there and cant even get a word in. Everyone becomes absorbed in everyone else. I just sit there like a jackass, no matter what attempts i make to involve myself in conversation, and yes i DO actually get a word in. Everyone assumes on GAF im clearly doing something wrong but i honestly follow all the advice everyone gives. I seem doomed to misery forever. And it pisses me off nobody cares. Like hey, after 4 hours of drinks you got two girls and two guys chatting it up and then me off to the side looking at them. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody ever gives a shit. So the best i can do is drink and act casual. Every goddamn time until it becomes unbearable and my natural personality cant bear it anymore. Now im just angry and alone like usual after shit goes sideways. Im telling you some people are just fucked so bad and theres no way out. Ive been in this pattern for years. I mean i am an open book, these guys know im uncomfortable in these situations and how i try. im so desperate and sad i dont know what to do anymore.

 

[vern]

I really dont know what to do. Im reaching a point where i literally feel a profound physical suction of energy from me resulting in deep sadness to the point i just start to cry now whenever i make attempts and do things to try and progress my social life. Its honestly amazing to me every time how much i must resemble social cryptonite. I mean i must actually be really ugly or repulsive in some way because for many many years it has been the same fucking shit. I make attempts to go out with people from work. People that say they are friends. Every time within an hour i become a nameless tag-along. Im 32 yr virgin and i dont advertise it. I try to put a good face forward. Like tonight i was supposed to be celebrating a big thing with this other guy. Night starts with some guys and things are fine. Then the girls show up and before you know it im in an oddly paired group sitting there and cant even get a word in. Everyone becomes absorbed in everyone else. I just sit there like a jackass, no matter what attempts i make to involve myself in conversation, and yes i DO actually get a word in. Everyone assumes on GAF im clearly doing something wrong but i honestly follow all the advice everyone gives. I seem doomed to misery forever. And it pisses me off nobody cares. Like hey, after 4 hours of drinks you got two girls and two guys chatting it up and then me off to the side looking at them. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody ever gives a shit. So the best i can do is drink and act casual. Every goddamn time until it becomes unbearable and my natural personality cant bear it anymore. Now im just angry and alone like usual after shit goes sideways. Im telling you some people are just fucked so bad and theres no way out. Ive been in this pattern for years. I mean i am an open book, these guys know im uncomfortable in these situations and how i try. im so desperate and sad i dont know what to do anymore.

Can you change your location?

 

[ZackieChan]

Can you change your location?

I feel like this could help most people struggling. Worked for me 😉

 

[vern]

I feel like this could help most people struggling. Worked for me 😉

I never struggled but I am way more successful in a new place. Or many new places 😏

 

[dreamlongdead]

I really dont know what to do. Im reaching a point where i literally feel a profound physical suction of energy from me resulting in deep sadness to the point i just start to cry now whenever i make attempts and do things to try and progress my social life. Its honestly amazing to me every time how much i must resemble social cryptonite. I mean i must actually be really ugly or repulsive in some way because for many many years it has been the same fucking shit. I make attempts to go out with people from work. People that say they are friends. Every time within an hour i become a nameless tag-along. Im 32 yr virgin and i dont advertise it. I try to put a good face forward. Like tonight i was supposed to be celebrating a big thing with this other guy. Night starts with some guys and things are fine. Then the girls show up and before you know it im in an oddly paired group sitting there and cant even get a word in. Everyone becomes absorbed in everyone else. I just sit there like a jackass, no matter what attempts i make to involve myself in conversation, and yes i DO actually get a word in. Everyone assumes on GAF im clearly doing something wrong but i honestly follow all the advice everyone gives. I seem doomed to misery forever. And it pisses me off nobody cares. Like hey, after 4 hours of drinks you got two girls and two guys chatting it up and then me off to the side looking at them. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody ever gives a shit. So the best i can do is drink and act casual. Every goddamn time until it becomes unbearable and my natural personality cant bear it anymore. Now im just angry and alone like usual after shit goes sideways. Im telling you some people are just fucked so bad and theres no way out. Ive been in this pattern for years. I mean i am an open book, these guys know im uncomfortable in these situations and how i try. im so desperate and sad i dont know what to do anymore.

I am a 25 year old virgin by choice, so I can't really relate to you or even give you advice. My utter lack of dating experience doesn't bother me, but I can imagine it being frustrating for people who actually try or care about dating.

I think most people who really want a significant other will make it happen. I also suspect that you may have some crazy high standards. I wouldn't mind dating a girl who rated between 5-7 out of 10 on the looks scale. Physical attractiveness is highly subjective, though. Personality is the only thing you should be picky about.

I do want to date eventually, but it is not a high priority for me at the moment. If I cared about it, I would make it happen. You need to be comfortable about who you are, because I also suspect that your socializing attempts may be purely out of pressure. You may not naturally want to do what you're doing.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I remember Kinggi's posts from before. His situation hasn't changed much, unfortunately.

Are you making positive changes in your life?

 

[AlephAlpha]

Kinggi, have you tried joining a self help group for people with social anxiety?

 

[Reave]

what does it mean to be clingy.

I haven't sent the text yet, I'm thinking maybe she lost her phone and that's why she stopped answering me. and also why she keeps calling me the wrong name, she lost her phone ergo she doesn't have my name registered. then sending her a text is utterly useless. I won't send the text then.

Okay, so here's the deal. Your thought process is unattractive.

No matter how many great pictures you take, how many matches you get online, or how well you might hit it off with someone in the beginning, the thought process from the above post is what's holding you back. Right now, you're thinking and acting from a place of uncertainty and insecurity, and I wouldn't be surprised if you're unknowingly letting it manifest to a vibe women feel around you when they're with you in person.

When it comes to dating, the one thing you absolutely must become comfortable with is that everything doesn't always play out in black and white. What's more, you have to become comfortable with the 'not knowing.'

The minute you start trying to analyze, theorize, or create outlandish scenarios in your head, you're doing yourself a huge emotional disservice because it's causing you to develop early attachments to people that haven't even decided what they think about you yet. Even if that attachment isn't on a romantic, "have to have her" kind of way, you're still letting that person run laps around your mind. That's probably why you're analyzing calls and texts (or the lack thereof) with a fine-toothed comb, and why seeing women you used to talk to out with other men affects you.

That's also why you were dubbed as clingy, too.

In the early goings, especially with online dating, women don't owe you anything. They have lives, become busy, work, spend time with friends/family, and yes... they also go on dates with other men -- even if they're talking to you, dated you already, or still talk to you after the date. Now look, I'm sure you probably read that and thought "well, no shit." After all, nothing I said was mind-blowing about how women live their lives. However, those "well, no shit" points seems to become lost on you once you aren't getting the validation you want.

Ultimately, try to whittle your dating life into a more simplistic, easy-peasy form in your mind. Here's some examples:

• Dude, it's just words in a chat bubble. Relax.
• So what if she found someone else? Just means there's something better out there for me.
• If she doesn't respond, no big deal. I'd rather focus on women that really are interested.
• I'm not going to make excuses for her just because I like her. Couldn't hurt to get my name right.
• I'm fine regardless.

Hope some of this stuff can be helpful, man.

 

[ZackieChan]

Great post! Thanks for writing that up.

 

[waveuponwave]

I really dont know what to do. Im reaching a point where i literally feel a profound physical suction of energy from me resulting in deep sadness to the point i just start to cry now whenever i make attempts and do things to try and progress my social life. Its honestly amazing to me every time how much i must resemble social cryptonite. I mean i must actually be really ugly or repulsive in some way because for many many years it has been the same fucking shit. I make attempts to go out with people from work. People that say they are friends. Every time within an hour i become a nameless tag-along. Im 32 yr virgin and i dont advertise it. I try to put a good face forward. Like tonight i was supposed to be celebrating a big thing with this other guy. Night starts with some guys and things are fine. Then the girls show up and before you know it im in an oddly paired group sitting there and cant even get a word in. Everyone becomes absorbed in everyone else. I just sit there like a jackass, no matter what attempts i make to involve myself in conversation, and yes i DO actually get a word in. Everyone assumes on GAF im clearly doing something wrong but i honestly follow all the advice everyone gives. I seem doomed to misery forever. And it pisses me off nobody cares. Like hey, after 4 hours of drinks you got two girls and two guys chatting it up and then me off to the side looking at them. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody ever gives a shit. So the best i can do is drink and act casual. Every goddamn time until it becomes unbearable and my natural personality cant bear it anymore. Now im just angry and alone like usual after shit goes sideways. Im telling you some people are just fucked so bad and theres no way out. Ive been in this pattern for years. I mean i am an open book, these guys know im uncomfortable in these situations and how i try. im so desperate and sad i dont know what to do anymore.

This reads like you're just trying to socialize in the wrong setting for you. Sounds like you're pretty introverted and loud bars aren't your thing, and that's completely fine.

There are other ways to meet people. Are there some clubs you could join? Some hobby you've always wanted to try out?
Or try to get your friends to come along for some event, like a pub quiz or a concert, where it's not just talking all evening

I'm pretty introverted and I completely get that feeling when a loud party completely draines you of energy

That said I feel like I've gotten a lot better at socializing in the last few years (living in a dorm and student exchange will do that, though it still sucks that I don't have any real friends in my courses, you can't really get into those tight-knit cliques if you were an awkward outsider in the first semesters)

As much as I don't like small talk, it's really key in making people notice you. Everyone wants to feel cared about, and some small questions (even random stuff like how was your week, what did you do last weekend) will go a long way to make people listen to you

Try to steer the conversation towards a topic you're passionate about, if that makes it easier to talk. If you feel suffocated by all the noise, say you need some fresh air and walk around the block for a minute.

 

[Ambitious]

Needless to say, the date did not happen. First she meant to only watch the parade from the sidewalk because she was tired. When I asked for her location, she was suddenly on one of the party trucks. Instead of telling me her location, she kept saying that she was looking for me. And now she wrote that she went home, and she's asking whether I had fun today.
Oh, and at some point she started to use the word "we", so someone was with her anyway. So she didn't even consider it a date.

 

[ErrorMacro]

Okay, so here's the deal. Your thought process is unattractive.

No matter how many great pictures you take, how many matches you get online, or how well you might hit it off with someone in the beginning, the thought process from the above post is what's holding you back. Right now, you're thinking and acting from a place of uncertainty and insecurity, and I wouldn't be surprised if you're unknowingly letting it manifest to a vibe women feel around you when they're with you in person.

When it comes to dating, the one thing you absolutely must become comfortable with is that everything doesn't always play out in black and white. What's more, you have to become comfortable with the 'not knowing.'

The minute you start trying to analyze, theorize, or create outlandish scenarios in your head, you're doing yourself a huge emotional disservice because it's causing you to develop early attachments to people that haven't even decided what they think about you yet. Even if that attachment isn't on a romantic, "have to have her" kind of way, you're still letting that person run laps around your mind. That's probably why you're analyzing calls and texts (or the lack thereof) with a fine-toothed comb, and why seeing women you used to talk to out with other men affects you.

That's also why you were dubbed as clingy, too.

In the early goings, especially with online dating, women don't owe you anything. They have lives, become busy, work, spend time with friends/family, and yes... they also go on dates with other men -- even if they're talking to you, dated you already, or still talk to you after the date. Now look, I'm sure you probably read that and thought "well, no shit." After all, nothing I said was mind-blowing about how women live their lives. However, those "well, no shit" points seems to become lost on you once you aren't getting the validation you want.

Ultimately, try to whittle your dating life into a more simplistic, easy-peasy form in your mind. Here's some examples:

• Dude, it's just words in a chat bubble. Relax.
• So what if she found someone else? Just means there's something better out there for me.
• If she doesn't respond, no big deal. I'd rather focus on women that really are interested.
• I'm not going to make excuses for her just because I like her. Couldn't hurt to get my name right.
• I'm fine regardless.

Hope some of this stuff can be helpful, man.

Great post, thanks. I feel like this is one of the things that fucked up things with the girl I was starting to go out with, though there were other factors (outside of my control) as well. I guess I still need to mature a lot when it comes to relationships, since I've been dating only for the past two years and the first girl I could see as something more than a friend was her. I was an absolute mess at the beginning, overthinking everything.

Hopefuly, therapy will help me deal better with that. It is one of the points I've got to work a lot on.

 

[Afrocious]

Gonna read some of these posts, but I'm glad this thread was bumped. Today I got on OKC to chat with this girl I've been talking with. Then I went on FB and looked through my old photos. I've decided to update my OKC profile with updated pictures since I've lost more weight.

265.5 ---> 210.2 Let's fucking go.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Gonna read some of these posts, but I'm glad this thread was bumped. Today I got on OKC to chat with this girl I've been talking with. Then I went on FB and looked through my old photos. I've decided to update my OKC profile with updated pictures since I've lost more weight.

265.5 ---> 210.2 Let's fucking go.

Congrats, dude! You're doing it right.

On my end? 215 ---> 190, with 10-15 to go. Since last November or so, while the past two girls I've dated have encouraged/spurred me into fits of self-improvement, this is all me. I'm more comfortable with my body, have new life skills (e.g., cooking and rudimentary Portuguese) and interests (e.g., gardening/flowers), exercise regularly, engage in self-reflection and journaling, reconciled with my mom and dad, and I'm taking a solo trip to Asia this fall. Most importantly, and I'm no longer ashamed to admit it, which is the biggest deal, I'm going to seek treatment for what might be PTSD I acquired in Afghanistan.

Last night, I hung out with someone who's basically become my sister. Tonight, partying with others. And tomorrow, prepping for a job interview on Monday.

 

[Kieli]

UGH.

So this week I went to E3, and attended one of the after parties. There I met this smokin' hot redhead gamer and had a pretty nice rapport going. She was incredibly sweet and friendly, and seemed pretty engaged overall. Things were goings swimmingly until her douche friend interrupted our conversation so that he could tell her he just spoke with someone that she had to check out.

At that point I thought it was over, but there was a tiny bit of hope left when she asked if I wanted to join her. Obviously I said yes and went to check out what the hubbub was about. Unfortunately, 5 minutes douchebag tells her that they had to go, and that was the end of that.

Now, I'm not saying that this was a slam dunk. I mean, she could have just been one of those naturally friendly, bubbly type girls. But since homeboy interfered, I'll never know for sure.

Oddly enough, this makes this the third E3 where I've been cockblocked.

Her friend knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted her bad, and you were getting in his way.

 

[Afrocious]

Gamer-type dudes are dicks and I loathed them at PAX East this year. I'm not talking about the Trillby wearing ones, but the devs who have money. Jesus they're overcompensating pricks.

 

[Mory Dunz]

Needless to say, the date did not happen. First she meant to only watch the parade from the sidewalk because she was tired. When I asked for her location, she was suddenly on one of the party trucks. Instead of telling me her location, she kept saying that she was looking for me. And now she wrote that she went home, and she's asking whether I had fun today.
Oh, and at some point she started to use the word "we", so someone was with her anyway. So she didn't even consider it a date.

ugh....I don't fully know the situation, but I'd drop communication here. Period.
Then again I'm not particularly nice/forgiving.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

ugh....I don't fully know the situation, but I'd drop communication here. Period.
Then again I'm not particularly nice/forgiving.

:lol Why would you admit you're not nice?

 

[Mory Dunz]

:lol Why would you admit you're not nice?

to take my statement with a grain of salt as it may differ from other advice.
I like myself, but I'm not really proud of that lol.

edit:
I'm not mean, I never insult people or anything. Nah.
I'm just not nice through.....inaction....rather than action. Like I don't say or do stuff that others might in certain situations. (i.e. rarely giving out compliments).

 

[Blitzrules240]

Overthinking is still my sworn enemy.

But man, am I getting mixed signals in my head.

 

[NIGHT-]

So I met a couple of friends at the water park yesterday, they invited a 4th person, a girl I've never met. I ended up really liking her, and we laughed and talked through out the day. Afterwards I asked my friends if she was single, they seemed to think she was. They told me just to add her on fb and ask her out. Do you guys recommend doing so? I always considered that kinda creepish, but I feel like putting myself out there wbs seeing if she's interested

 

[ZackieChan]

You got along with her. No reason not to add her on FB and chat her up a bit. If you're vibing, ask her out.

 

[NIGHT-]

You got along with her. No reason not to add her on FB and chat her up a bit. If you're vibing, ask her out.

Alright, wish me luck! Gonna ask her out for a drink and see if she wants to get to know each other better

 

[ZackieChan]

Alright, wish me luck! Gonna ask her out for a drink and see if she wants to get to know each other better

Straight into asking her out? A bold move, Cotton. I was thinking you could grease the wheels a bit with some idle chatter first. Not sure what the vibe was from your in person meeting though.

 

[NIGHT-]

Straight into asking her out? A bold move, Cotton. I was thinking you could grease the wheels a bit with some idle chatter first. Not sure what the vibe was from your in person meeting though.

Meh. It is what it is. I've been using online dating as too much of a crutch lately, I need to build up some confidence and ask out people in the real world. I know it's a high risk of ejection, but I hardly see these friends much anyways, so it's worh a shot.


She replied with "Sure that sounds like fun. I'm up for whatever."