Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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Got a dinner date today soon as I leave work, gettin some Sushi at a pretty aight place I go to often with my friends. First date, we've just texted up to this point but she seems really cool and I can tell she's interested. Wish me luck y'all 🙏
 
Miles Quaritch said:
That's never, ever true in my experience.

She just didn't want to be in a relationship with you but it sounds like you're taking it well, maybe you knew deep down that you weren't really close friends...
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:( yeah maybe. It is what it is I guess, never thought she'd be like this. Like ultimately I'm not upset she doesn't want to date me, but that she went behind my back like this.

Live and learn, back to the dating apps for now haha.
 
tearsofash said:
That's probably not a good idea.
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The important thing to do is to realise that you should focus on developing a manner of speaking that doesn't depend on gender. If you're a cool af, or nice af, it chill af girl, you should be that way to anyone.

Girls these days feel empowered to act how they want to. Ultimately that is probably the girl you are looking for. So don't treat them different.

I know saying "be yourself" might be much after your last thread, but I'm sure you are awesome to hang out with and what you're into is not the only thing that makes you special. Be yourself, in the sense that you probably want someone who likes the person you're comfortable being.
 
Just posting to say I had a really good evening (not dating, but I saw a play with friends) and this allows me to feel more confident and talk more freely (online right now).

Now I only need to find a way to feel like that all the time! It's crazy how clear my mind is right now, I'm mainly typing this to remember this happiness.
 
Trying again to get something going with the online dating.
Feels like at the moment I could send a thousand well thought out massages and get no reply.

Feeling super low tonight.
 
Cobalt Izuna said:
The important thing to do is to realise that you should focus on developing a manner of speaking that doesn't depend on gender. If you're a cool af, or nice af, it chill af girl, you should be that way to anyone.

Girls these days feel empowered to act how they want to. Ultimately that is probably the girl you are looking for. So don't treat them different.

I know saying "be yourself" might be much after your last thread, but I'm sure you are awesome to hang out with and what you're into is not the only thing that makes you special. Be yourself, in the sense that you probably want someone who likes the person you're comfortable being.
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I generally try being myself.
 
Man sometimes I feel like get in too deep with these girls. What is it about online dating that makes everyone open up like it's therapy sessions.

Just had a somewhat breakthrough with the social worker but damn...
didn't need to know her ex beat her. Fuck, I feel terrible.

Making plans for Friday, no go on Trivia tomorrow, she's on call.

The uncertainty is driving me mad lol.
 
Do I have the right to be angry with this girl?

Before I go into detail, I should mention that we have hooked up in the past. I don't know if that matters or not pertaining to the story.

This girl has been pestering me to hang out. About a month ago I scheduled a day with her to meet up, it was a week day. The weekends aren't available as she has to work. I took the day off and when the time came to hang out, she never answered her phone. She called me later and apologized profusely insisting she overslept and seemed apologetic enough for me to believe she was being honest.

Fast forward to today, we planned to hang out at 2 p.m. I asked her multiple times (all the way up until this morning) if this was good for her and each time she said yes. So I took another day off work. I called her right before I am about to head out and she says that she's waiting for her sister to pick up her daughter, to babysit. I told her that's fine and to just keep me updated. Two hours roll by and she tells me that she's still waiting for her sister. I am annoyed but don't let on to the fact I am and tell her that's fine. Two more hours go by and I finally text her asking what's the current situation.

Her: My bad, she said she'd be here at 3 but is just getting here now.

I tell her nicely maybe another day would be best. She doesn't seem to care in the slightest. And frankly, I don't believe her story either. I wanted to take the high road and just completely ignore her but I let my emotions get the best of me and sent the following text:

"I don't even know why I'm wasting my time even sending this. I don't care that we didn't hang out, I care that you didn't have enough decency to keep me informed. We could have hung out for an hour before your sister came, you could have even let me know that today wasn't a good day for you, that would have been fine. This situation is why I repeatedly tried to make sure we were still on over the past couple days. It's the second time now that I have unnecessarily took a day off work only to have you flake on me. Like I said, I'm not mad we didn't hang out, I'm mad that you did not care to keep me informed and still don't care about the fact that you wasted my time. Please don't ever try to make contact with me again."

Everything I said was honest, I don't wish to ever hear from her again but I shouldn't have sent that text. I know her well enough to know it's in her character to do things like this. Fool me once, etc.
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^^^

You raged out on someone for being late?

It's less about having a right to be angry, and more that you should look out for punctual people then. It's a personality trait, not a personal attack on you.
 
Cobalt Izuna said:
^^^

You raged out on someone for being late?

It's less about having a right to be angry, and more that you should look out for punctual people then. It's a personality trait, not a personal attack on you.
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Being late? She was sketchy and led him on twice causing him to miss work.

How much effort does it take to glance at a text and keep someone informed? If she knows OP is expecting to hang out and is waiting on her word there is no excuse to have two hour lapses between communicating the situation. I've had that shit happen to me and its bogus. I repeat, no one is ever that busy where they don't have 15 seconds to look at a text and reply, ESPECIALLY when plans were already agreed upon. If they say they are, they are lying. If you say you are, you're lying.

She obviously was making excuses, whether they were convenient excuses or not. Text sent, now delete her number and on to the next one!
 
Cobalt Izuna said:
^^^

You raged out on someone for being late?

It's less about having a right to be angry, and more that you should look out for punctual people then. It's a personality trait, not a personal attack on you.
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I raged because things didn't add up. There's more I could post to point out about it not adding up but I didn't bother to add it. I'm 99% sure she intentionally flaked on me.
 
Banjo-Kazooie said:
Being late? She was sketchy and led him on twice causing him to miss work.

How much effort does it take to glance at a text and keep someone informed? If she knows OP is expecting to hang out and is waiting on her word there is no excuse to have two hour lapses between communicating the situation. I've had that shit happen to me and its bogus. I repeat, no one is ever that busy where they don't have 15 seconds to look at a text and reply.

She obviously was making excuses, whether they were convenient excuses or not. Text sent, now delete her number and on to the next one!
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Agreed. But I gotta ask - why are you "taking days off" to hang out with a girl? That implies you were supposed to work, but opted to either use time-off or just not get paid for that day.
 
Spy said:
I raged because things didn't add up. There's more I could post to point out about it not adding up but I didn't bother to add it. I'm 99% sure she intentionally flaked on me.
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Then why give her the time of day?

Salamando said:
Agreed. But I gotta ask - why are you "taking days off" to hang out with a girl? That implies you were supposed to work, but opted to either use time-off or just not get paid for that day.
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Came to post this - don't take a day off for her. Have you met up with her yet? Seems a little much to take two whole days off of your work schedule to meet with someone.

She sounds like a mess and you should just never contact her again. Are you right to be pissed? Sure. But the rant isn't a good look. Just forget about it and don't look back. Block her contacts if you can. You don't need that in your life. You want to find women who WANT to be with you.

I got stood up the other night. She texts me a couple times a day now, but I don't want anything to do with her now. I'm leaving the country in a few days anyway, so what's the point. (To NeoGaf's Vern - no, she's not the type for a one night stand)

Respect yourself, man.
 
ZackieChan said:
Then why give her the time of day?



Came to post this - don't take a day off for her. Have you met up with her yet? Seems a little much to take two whole days off of your work schedule to meet with someone.

She sounds like a mess and you should just never contact her again. Are you right to be pissed? Sure. But the rant isn't a good look. Just forget about it and don't look back. Block her contacts if you can. You don't need that in your life. You want to find women who WANT to be with you.

I got stood up the other night. She texts me a couple times a day now, but I don't want anything to do with her now. I'm leaving the country in a few days anyway, so what's the point. (To NeoGaf's Vern - no, she's not the type for a one night stand)

Respect yourself, man.
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Because I let my emotions get the best of me. She's sent me similar rants over the years for simply not responding to her text message fast enough. This is the first time I've ever done anything like this to her and I just wanted to get it out. Now I'm good and will proceed to ignore her.
 
Spy said:
Because I let my emotions get the best of me. She's sent me similar rants over the years for simply not responding to her text message fast enough. This is the first time I've ever done anything like this to her and I just wanted to get it out. Now I'm good and will proceed to ignore her.
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YEARS? OMG, ignore her and move on to bigger and better
and more punctual
things.
 
ZackieChan said:
YEARS? OMG, ignore her and move on to bigger and better
and more punctual
things.
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I've known her for a long time, sometimes were friends, sometimes something more. There are other women, she was just initially so persistent about hanging out that I was making time of my own to hang with her.
 
So yeah we got lunch then walked and talked outside for a while after we finished eating.

Then she invited me over to watch OITNB.

30-netflix-chill.w1200.h630.jpg
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Seeing her again Wednesday lol
 
Spy said:
I've known her for a long time, sometimes were friends, sometimes something more. There are other women, she was just initially so persistent about hanging out that I was making time of my own to hang with her.
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I guess you have the right to be upset but TBH I wouldn't take a day off for someone I wasn't in a committed relationship with. If things had gone well, would you have to take a day off every time you wanted to meet up? It sounds like you should have just kept this person as FWB/booty call, but your text kinda scorched the earth on that front.
 
Spy said:
Because I let my emotions get the best of me. She's sent me similar rants over the years for simply not responding to her text message fast enough. This is the first time I've ever done anything like this to her and I just wanted to get it out. Now I'm good and will proceed to ignore her.
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You are fine to be upset. But angry texts dont do anything when they are formed more out of emotion than logic. You just need to let certain thing go. Like she flaked twice. Ignore her. It is what it is. I had a friend who never initatrd cintact and bailed the last time she committed to hanging. So I dont talk to her anymore. Relatively simple fix.

Its good you are ready to say fuck this being aggressive over things like this is a waste of effort. Ignore, move on.
 
Spy said:
I've known her for a long time, sometimes were friends, sometimes something more. There are other women, she was just initially so persistent about hanging out that I was making time of my own to hang with her.
Click to expand...

Between this and the rants, seemed like you both knew exactly what you wanted from each other: an outlet. No strings or commitment, just someone to pass the time with.

But considering how she's ranted at you before yet you kept in contact, maybe you were looking for something more?
 
100% broken up with my ex. I outlined my feelings and expectations and she wasn't willing to meet them, nor was she willing to mirror my investment. No regrets, and I kept my dignity and self-respect: she was an emotional coward unwilling to build towards anything.

Mutual rejection is a great screening tool.

I'd say "onto the next," because I'm actually over this one, but a breather isn't a bad idea either.
 
Advocatus Diaboli said:
100% broken up with my ex. I outlined my feelings and expectations and she wasn't willing to meet them, nor was she willing to mirror my investment. No regrets, and I kept my dignity and self-respect: she was an emotional coward unwilling to build towards anything.

Mutual rejection is a great screening tool.

I'd say "onto the next," because I'm actually over this one, but a breather isn't a bad idea either.
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At least you know now. Take some time and maybe start a different language (she was the reason for the Portuguese, right?). I'm starting German in anticipation of a month-long trip in October :D
 
Advocatus Diaboli said:
100% broken up with my ex. I outlined my feelings and expectations and she wasn't willing to meet them, nor was she willing to mirror my investment. No regrets, and I kept my dignity and self-respect: she was an emotional coward unwilling to build towards anything.

Mutual rejection is a great screening tool.

I'd say "onto the next," because I'm actually over this one, but a breather isn't a bad idea either.
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I only read your posts here (so no idea about what went on behind the screens), but it seems like a giant 180 from a few weeks ago. I guess things changed quickly, and not for the better.

Also that basketball analogy I made looks pretty bad now in retrospect.
 
Lone_Prodigy said:
I only read your posts here (so no idea about what went on behind the screens), but it seems like a giant 180 from a few weeks ago. I guess things changed quickly, and not for the better.

Also that basketball analogy I made looks pretty bad now in retrospect.
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Haha. Actually, it was a slow 180; I just didn't post my thought processes, really. In the end, I told her that I loved her unconditionally, but that I was only willing to be with someone who wanted to work on certain things. I've been over her for the past 3 weeks; this really confirmed it, especially given her behavior -- she's much less mature than I originally thought.

Basically, I'm thankful for the time we spent together and for what I learned, but we weren't a good match, and she had no interest in solving problems. And that's perfectly okay.
 
Lone_Prodigy said:
Between this and the rants, seemed like you both knew exactly what you wanted from each other: an outlet. No strings or commitment, just someone to pass the time with.

But considering how she's ranted at you before yet you kept in contact, maybe you were looking for something more?
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Not at all. I ranted because she wasted my day. Had she let me know she didn't want to hang out I would have made plans with someone else. Instead, I sat here and did nothing, waiting. That's what I was angry about. I'm over it now though.
 
ZackieChan said:
At least you know now. Take some time and maybe start a different language (she was the reason for the Portuguese, right?). I'm starting German in anticipation of a month-long trip in October :D
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Yeah, but I'm like, on a 90-day Duolingo streak. I'm not quitting learning a language just because of some girl; it'll help with me learning Spanish eventually too. On the other hand, I'm going skydiving in July, headed to a beach party for the 4th, and I'm doubling down on the friendships I have. I feel like an albatross has been lifted from my shoulders, and incidentally, I've had some (possibly, maybe) more job-related awesomeness coming my way. It's funny how confident and amazing I feel when I'm not with someone who never seemed to appreciate me.

I went out with my best friend tonight, and we chatted about life, jobs, and even some dating. She basically nodded her head as I recapped my past 8 months of dating, jumping from one crazy girl to the next, interspersed with some boring ones, and she thinks I ought to just transition to low-key, slow-paced dating (like one date a week, max) whenever I'm ready and do it on low-effort apps like Bumble or Tinder. She made a good case for this, but we'll see.

I downloaded the app, which I've never used before, but haven't done anything with it. It's part of moving on. I wish the timelines were different, because I have a relevant blurb wondering about
who's dying in the GoT finale.
 
I had such a great time on Monday. Went to a teensy pub and shared drinks with the beautiful girl. They had a bunch of arcades there (House of the Dead!) but I suppressed my inner nerd and play the logo board game instead.

The evening will be one of the highlights of this year. There is definitely something to be said that I have missed hanging out with natives. I should go to less international meetups etc.

Ultimately it highlighted a key issue I had with my precious relationship. There's having things in common, and then there's having the same culture. The latter is what I have been missing ever since I left police cadets, hardly went into Uni and spent 100% of my time with my partner.

I think I came out of that with more of an idea of WHY I am attracted to my BFF so much (and her to me). Besides the piles of work I have in front of me, things are really positive now so I don't want to try anything and avoid relationships.

Anyway, since I went into the date with the intention of meeting a new friend, I actually forgot that it was a date. I didn't make any moves at all, I should have at least had the courtesy to comment on her looks. Regardless, it was really awesome.

-~-

Now if only Bumble were available on Windows Phone.
 
Cobalt Izuna said:
I had such a great time on Monday. Went to a teensy pub and shared drinks with the beautiful girl. They had a bunch of arcades there (House of the Dead!) but I suppressed my inner nerd and play the logo board game instead.

The evening will be one of the highlights of this year. There is definitely something to be said that I have missed hanging out with natives. I should go to less international meetups etc.

Ultimately it highlighted a key issue I had with my precious relationship. There's having things in common, and then there's having the same culture.

I think I came out of that with more of an idea of WHY I am attracted to my BFF so much (and her to me). Besides the piles of work I have in front of me, things are really positive now so I don't want to try anything and avoid relationships.

Anyway, since I went into the date with the intention of meeting a new friend, I actually forgot that it was a date. I didn't make any moves at all, I should have at least had the courtesy to comment on her looks. Regardless, it was really awesome.

-~-

Now if only Bumble were available on Windows Phone.
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Why do you even post in this thread?
 
Cobalt Izuna said:
Dating != looking for a relationship. :|
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Fair enough; I went through a similar phase too.

I suppose that's the necessary consequence of having one catchall thread: it's aimed for those seeking friends, those seeking swipes, and those seeking advice on actual relationship issues, which I had when I was with someone.
 
Advocatus Diaboli said:
Fair enough; I went through a similar phase too.

I suppose that's the necessary consequence of having one catchall thread: it's aimed for those seeking friends, those seeking swipes, and those seeking advice on actual relationship issues, which I had when I was with someone.
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Well my intention was more to do with my counsellor suggesting I try and date other people. It's been eye-opening because I didn't feel like perusing people I felt attracted to etc. That what I wanted was a "date" with someone I could comfortably talk to.

So now I know what I'm looking for, or rather, what I was missing. I have more clarity by going on these dates.

It's definitely not sex that I'm after, that's for certain.

Zackiechan is ultimately right though, Meetup.com is where I should be.
 
Romance is implied in the word "dating." You should really make a new thread, brother.

You're right, though. Getting together with someone of the same culture is refreshing after so much time in different cultures. I had a few dates with a cancer researcher in San Francisco, which was super cool. We ended up just friends, but it was nice to have more shared experiences.
 
Such a stupid question but I have to ask GAF, I'm asking a girl out on a second date, already messaged her this morning about if she would be free this weekend and she responded she was. I was going to respond that I will call her tonight to arrange the details, there is nothing wrong with calling right? Normally would do it over text but we actually haven't spoken since we met up for coffee on the weekend and the messaging has been quite sporadic (i.e. few hours to respond) so though it would be good to call her
 
jey_16 said:
Such a stupid question but I have to ask GAF, I'm asking a girl out on a second date, already messaged her this morning about if she would be free this weekend and she responded she was. I was going to respond that I will call her tonight to arrange the details, there is nothing wrong with calling right? Normally would do it over text but we actually haven't spoken since we met up for coffee on the weekend and the messaging has been quite sporadic (i.e. few hours to respond) so though it would be good to call her
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I don't know her specifically but I wouldn't do that. Calling is archaic these days.
 
OCDChewie said:
Maybe I should just become a eunuch and transition into the life of a hermit.
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No.

jey_16 said:
Such a stupid question but I have to ask GAF, I'm asking a girl out on a second date, already messaged her this morning about if she would be free this weekend and she responded she was. I was going to respond that I will call her tonight to arrange the details, there is nothing wrong with calling right? Normally would do it over text but we actually haven't spoken since we met up for coffee on the weekend and the messaging has been quite sporadic (i.e. few hours to respond) so though it would be good to call her
Click to expand...

Just text her the details of where and when to meet you. If she has a problem, she'll respond in kind or she'll confirm.
 
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