If somebody calls you a racist it's because of something you've either said or done.
If somebody calls a black person the n-word it's because that somebody is a racist.
I'm struggling to understand your point.
Exactly. In general, when you are called a racist, it is a reactionary ordeal. No one calls you a racist out of the blue, something must have occurred. That being said, the idea of being called a racist, even after something as painfully obvious as saying racial epithets on a stream being watched by hundreds of thousands, whether you realized it at the time or not (which doesn't matter), people will still flail their arms and stumble and back peddle with, "buts, don'ts, i'm nots", because they understand the connotation of being rightly labeled a racist.
You have to remember, the n word, racist as it is, is a similar sort of title, one given to people considered to be beneath the bearer. It once was reactionary as well, though even in those cases its use was still to berate and belittle. And throughout history, there has never been a word that cuts as deeply for white people as the n word does for black people. There are tons of white pejoratives, but none of them are as nasty or as cutting as the word "nigger".
Except for the word "racist". Because, as stated earlier, if you are found to be a racist, then everything you've done is invalidated. Your opinion (rightly so) no longer matters. This is a good thing, but it's the only outlier in the world we're in right now. If we wanted to be as nasty, as spiteful, as venomous as the ones who would call us that word, we are literally incapable of doing so against those who would oppress us because there literally isn't a word as cutting to use in our language. The only thing we can do is be justifiably defensive.
It's interesting to think about, and that's why when it's used in such casual conversation from people who don't understand the word, it's meaning and how it makes people feel, but they still want to use it because it was in a hip hop video, it pisses people off.
It's closed now, but someone on GAF made a really good thread about the N word. It's worth a read.