The Lunch Legend
GAF's Nicest Lunch Thief and Nosiest Dildo Archeologist
I would be weary of this. Marriage counseling is a huge scam.
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Should I get a divorce?
- Thread starter GeorgioCostanzaX
- Start date
I would be weary of this. Marriage counseling is a huge scam.
obin_gam
Member
My wife has depression and takes it out on me. One of her two teenagers have sleep issues and calls her at 4am basically every night which makes her depression even worse but she cant admit it. So she takes that out on me too.
Marriage requires work. You have two people put together under a binding of sorts, but humans are also animals that needs time alone. You cant forget that - both you and her need to have your own space. At least in my hose hold it have started to get better when we do stuf seperately. She has her interests she goes to and I have mine.
I wouldsuggest finding some activity that creates this space between you so you both get a bit distance from each other. Marrige can make anyone forget their own self.
Marriage requires work. You have two people put together under a binding of sorts, but humans are also animals that needs time alone. You cant forget that - both you and her need to have your own space. At least in my hose hold it have started to get better when we do stuf seperately. She has her interests she goes to and I have mine.
I wouldsuggest finding some activity that creates this space between you so you both get a bit distance from each other. Marrige can make anyone forget their own self.
nush
Member
I'd eat that.
GeorgioCostanzaX
Member
true dat...Im a natural introvert but seriously getting yelled at daily isnt normal. Im not sure that will help. She’s been sleeping in a separate room the last two month.
haxan7
Banned
End it
Stiflers Mom
Banned
I already realized that when I was in my mid twenties.
There is simply no need to get shit from everybody in your life.
Just live life the way you want the best you can.
Life's too short.
Athena~
Banned
You are a man and can take the yelling! Get used to it and embrace it. Just agree with her on everything. She will get tired of yelling at some point. Much better than divorce with your wife and kid any day.
Also go to a gym and work out. Stay healthy and strong!
Grinchy
Banned
Marriage is so dangerous as a man. Neither of you really know what you're getting into at the time you get married, but she is the one heavily protected if you get a divorce even if it's all her fault.
It kinda doesn't make sense to take the risk anymore. I can think of like 8 couples I know of that are 2 people just barely tolerating each other just as long as the guy agrees to set aside his hobbies, interests and friends...unless the wife goes somewhere. Then suddenly they can do what they enjoy for that one weekend. It's kinda sad.
I also know at least one happy couple who shares interests and gives each other space when they don't share the same interests. Seems pretty rare though.
It kinda doesn't make sense to take the risk anymore. I can think of like 8 couples I know of that are 2 people just barely tolerating each other just as long as the guy agrees to set aside his hobbies, interests and friends...unless the wife goes somewhere. Then suddenly they can do what they enjoy for that one weekend. It's kinda sad.
I also know at least one happy couple who shares interests and gives each other space when they don't share the same interests. Seems pretty rare though.
appaws
Banned
Pray to Our Lady. See your priest. Don’t do this here.
Stiflers Mom
Banned
Generally spoken, marriage doesn't make sense for a man in 2020 if you are not extremely religious. And probably not even then.
The positives just never outweigh the negatives, and for every couple that seems to be happy there are a dozen that just feel like suffering.
@OP:
* get some distance from her. But not from your child.
* create your own little space where you do things that you love.
* get jacked, buy new clothes that fit on you, good haircut regularly, etc.
* most important: if she yells at you, don't play her game. Just ignore it or laugh about it. Make jokes about her temper. Don't let her bad behavior get to you. I know it's difficult, but this is really essential.
* give it a year. If there is no change, leave.
The positives just never outweigh the negatives, and for every couple that seems to be happy there are a dozen that just feel like suffering.
@OP:
* get some distance from her. But not from your child.
* create your own little space where you do things that you love.
* get jacked, buy new clothes that fit on you, good haircut regularly, etc.
* most important: if she yells at you, don't play her game. Just ignore it or laugh about it. Make jokes about her temper. Don't let her bad behavior get to you. I know it's difficult, but this is really essential.
* give it a year. If there is no change, leave.
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Hinedorf
Banned
1. If you lost weight would she then respect you?
2. Is there a reason she no longer respects you?
3. Is there a reason you tolerate constant disrespect?
I read this and it sounds like you're being treated like you're a bitch who can be bullied. You live in SF (god knows why) but if you can that means you're clearly successful in some regard so why does she feel she can belittle you and you don't have the self worth to stand up for yourself nor does she have the respect to not belittle you.
I want to say we're missing some serious details. Was she this way when you married her? At what point did she change that you didn't have a SERIOUS CONVERSATION ABOUT HER FUCKING BEHAVIOR? Have you asked her why she yells at you?
2. Is there a reason she no longer respects you?
3. Is there a reason you tolerate constant disrespect?
I read this and it sounds like you're being treated like you're a bitch who can be bullied. You live in SF (god knows why) but if you can that means you're clearly successful in some regard so why does she feel she can belittle you and you don't have the self worth to stand up for yourself nor does she have the respect to not belittle you.
I want to say we're missing some serious details. Was she this way when you married her? At what point did she change that you didn't have a SERIOUS CONVERSATION ABOUT HER FUCKING BEHAVIOR? Have you asked her why she yells at you?
Gamerguy84
Member
Play the tape forward. If you stay and know you will be miserable than its yes.
Lots have suggested counseling, sounds like a good idea, that way you can say you tried.
Bring it up to her. If she likes the idea than yep. Or it might make her stop yelling.
Also last but not least. Figure out why she is yelling. Why she is unhappy. Some women are just batshit crazy and some are miserable for reasons.
Lots have suggested counseling, sounds like a good idea, that way you can say you tried.
Bring it up to her. If she likes the idea than yep. Or it might make her stop yelling.
Also last but not least. Figure out why she is yelling. Why she is unhappy. Some women are just batshit crazy and some are miserable for reasons.
Stilton Disco
Member
Talk to a lawyer, join a Gym so you can both get away from her and get yourself in shape, suggest marriage counselling and look for a job that pays the same not in San Francisco since you're just wasting a well paying job on extremely high living costs.
Once you find a new job, if she's either not gone for the counselling or it's not working, divorce her, move with ypur kid somewhere decent, use your wealth and new bod to find someone better.
Once you find a new job, if she's either not gone for the counselling or it's not working, divorce her, move with ypur kid somewhere decent, use your wealth and new bod to find someone better.
Ikutachi
Member
haxan7
Banned
Priests aren’t gonna do shit. He needs to hear it from the neogaf priesthood.
LokusAbriss
Member
Unless some fixable problems come to light through counseling, there might be no way to save the situation with your wife. Trying to fix your wife/gf is a nearly impossible undertaking.
And why are you doing all the chores and cooking? There is something heavily out of balance in your relationship.
Getting in shape is the best advice so far. While it will improve your mood and fitness, it will also give you time to think with a clear mind. You are still very young and I would'nt waste too much time with such a horrible relationship. Been there, done that.
It is also good to develope a thicker skin. Don't let her get to you. That will probably make her more mad, but will pay off in the long run.
And why are you doing all the chores and cooking? There is something heavily out of balance in your relationship.
Getting in shape is the best advice so far. While it will improve your mood and fitness, it will also give you time to think with a clear mind. You are still very young and I would'nt waste too much time with such a horrible relationship. Been there, done that.
It is also good to develope a thicker skin. Don't let her get to you. That will probably make her more mad, but will pay off in the long run.
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GeorgPrime
Banned
If my wife would yell at me every day for no reason she would be sitting on the streets right next day. I dont accept such a psycho behaviour.
Chittagong
Gold Member
In my 40 years I have literally never seen a non-cheating related divorce any of the related parties would have regretted in the long term.
When divorce enters your consideration your heart is already there.
It sounds like you are in a pretty good position to embark on a non-abusive, fulfilling life. You have substantial earnings and big upside in losing weight. Once you get through the hassle you will feel a sense of relief and joy.
When divorce enters your consideration your heart is already there.
It sounds like you are in a pretty good position to embark on a non-abusive, fulfilling life. You have substantial earnings and big upside in losing weight. Once you get through the hassle you will feel a sense of relief and joy.
Mistake
Member
How old is your daughter? Can you have an honest conversation with them explaining the situation when you file for divorce? Kids are smarter than you think. If you put your heart out, they pick up on it. Another thing to remember is that if you’re happy, you can make your daughter happier too
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Papa
Banned
One of the biggest lessons on the way to earning your man card is learning how to control your woman. You've clearly failed thus far, but it's not too late. Forget everything your liberal upbringing taught you. Deep down, even the most ardent feminists don't want a weak man. You need to take control and teach her that you're the boss, not her.
TL;DR bitches be crazy but it's up to you to tame the beast
TL;DR bitches be crazy but it's up to you to tame the beast
llien
Banned
Oh, fuck off with that.
Bigrx1
Banned
I don't know what you should do but don't let fear of being single again hold you back - I had 2 long term relationships that I did let that fear keep me from leaving for years and it was such a waste. They both ended eventually anyway and who knows how many opportunities I missed out on while staying in a miserable situation. It's hard at first but like anything else you adjust faster than you think you would.
Cutty Flam
Banned
I would never be able to handle that kind if disrespect. I would have divorced her long ago if I couldn’t get through to her on any level and see some progress. You make the money, big time too, you run the house, you seem to be amazing despite her abuse somehow. Hell of a man, very resilient and patient. Do what’s best for your family according to you, but for the love of God, please stand up for yourself and do whatever it takes to assert yourself in a powerful manner, but healthy manner as well, and get that bitch off your back. You deserve praise for all that you’ve managed to do. She seems toxic to me, fighting more than once every couple weeks would be way more than enough to set me off and tell her to fuck off and don’t ever treat me with such little regard. I’ve ghosted women for little more than pretending to be friendly. I hate fake women and I hate women with poor outlook and attitudes. You should consider putting her in check heavily if she crosses the line one more time. The abuse wont end until you either force her to realize she’s acting completely out of order or you say fuck it im out, you’re an insufferable woman and I don’t care to speak to you again until you start treating me like you’re loving husband, and with zero abuse. Otherwise, you’re never going to get the time of day from me again. Have a good life
Something to that extent
Hope you choose wisely man. This life is too short to be hanging around fools you don’g like
Something to that extent
Hope you choose wisely man. This life is too short to be hanging around fools you don’g like
Cato
Banned
Yes.
It is not too late to rebuild with someone that you can actually live with.
She does not respect you and it has been going on for a long time.
One session a week of councelling will not fix that. Only make her more angry.
You deserve to live a happy and fruitful life. Cut her off now and get the D.
It is not too late to salvage your life and find a compatible life partner.
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO POST HERE 10 YEARS DOWN THE LINE THAT YOUR LIFE IS HELL AND CRAZY WIFE IS WORSE THAN EVER?
Ask yourself that. Do you really want to sit 10 years from now and ask yourself why you stayed in hell while you still had a chance to escape?
It is not too late to rebuild with someone that you can actually live with.
She does not respect you and it has been going on for a long time.
One session a week of councelling will not fix that. Only make her more angry.
You deserve to live a happy and fruitful life. Cut her off now and get the D.
It is not too late to salvage your life and find a compatible life partner.
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO POST HERE 10 YEARS DOWN THE LINE THAT YOUR LIFE IS HELL AND CRAZY WIFE IS WORSE THAN EVER?
Ask yourself that. Do you really want to sit 10 years from now and ask yourself why you stayed in hell while you still had a chance to escape?
mekes
Member
Just wanted to wish you the best OP. Not an easy situation but there comes a point where you have to think of yourself. I always feel like expelling negativity from your life should or at least could be an important aim that you deserve to explore. Certain things don’t always work out but that doesn’t mean that life can’t.
Cutty Flam
Banned
TC, you have been hit with sound advice from Tesseract, now officially dubbed the title of “Shred God”
Keep the gains up good brother, and the gains will enshroud you in a protective barrier, and you will slay pussy like Alexander the Great slayed men in his time
MiyazakiHatesKojima
Banned
Urprobablyright
Banned
She's imitating her childhood life, be honest with her and assert that you think she's being ridiculous, see a therapist... Did she yell you into marrying? Or was she a nice person once? Appeal to her innate desire to not be a bitch~
Ah and, let's be honest, start doing a jog every second day or something, showing that structure and motivation can help a lot~ both for her and for your sense of control over daily events.
(If these things don't work over a few months, tell her you want a divorce and plan to leave when you can take that mortgage. See if that shocks her into anything~)
Ah and, let's be honest, start doing a jog every second day or something, showing that structure and motivation can help a lot~ both for her and for your sense of control over daily events.
(If these things don't work over a few months, tell her you want a divorce and plan to leave when you can take that mortgage. See if that shocks her into anything~)
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MiyazakiHatesKojima
Banned
You're probably right.
MiyazakiHatesKojima
Banned
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Virex
Banned
Go fuck yourself"Shut the fuck up." -Richard Packer
Frito_Pendejo
Member
Get divorced. This whole idea that she’ll change if you get counseling is bullshit. Right now, you’re seeing exactly the person she is. If you go to counseling she probably will change temporarily and then go right back to the way she was. You can still be a dad to your kid and find happiness with someone else. Life is too short to spend it with someone who treats you like shit.
Papa
Banned
Name for me one successful culture ruled by women.
I’ll wait.
GeorgioCostanzaX
Member
Thanks everyone. We’ve been married for 10 years and don’t get me wrong she can be nice it’s just like lately because of COVID I can’t escape it so little shit like my leaving my socks on the floor occasionally turns into a huge issue. I’ve been jogging every morning for the last month and a half and feel great.
Our biggest trigger lately is that I’ve wanted to move out of SF and back to LA or at last out of an apartment and into something g that doesn’t have central air and shared surfaces due to COVID.
The point about her childhood makes sense; her dad in particular has a horrible temper and yells at everyone in her room family. Not in an abusive way though like insulting people he’s just passionate when he thinks he’s right and doesn’t value counter opinions just like her.
Everything is fine if I go along and just agree to everything she says but even if I laugh it off or ignore her still won’t stop until she wears herself out lol. I think she does have depression and takes it out on me.
There was also a time before we moved where not only was she sleeping in a different bedroom but also at her friends house at least twice a week: all ladies but that hurt.
So what’s bad about me? Again over weight but I’m working on it. I stress eat and drink too much but career wise I’m successful and if I made this salary anywhere but SF I’d consider myself to be super successful. I don’t know I used to not argue back and apologize way too much early on in our marriage so now it’s weird for her if I stand up for myself which makes things worse.
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ClanOfNone
Member
Does she work at all op? Cause if she's a stay at home housewife and you make 200K, she is going to bend you over on alimony and child support, even if you get 50/50 custody.
Prenups all day every day, especially if you earn significantly more than your partner.
Prenups all day every day, especially if you earn significantly more than your partner.
LokusAbriss
Member
Come on, man. It is definetly not your obligation to do all the work and agree in everything your wife says. It is hard to change your stance and actions towards a loved one, but it is important to stay sane and have a healthy life. Your body and your psyche are getting hurt already. That will become worse with age.
Think about your daughter. Most woman take their mothers as the role model and become like them. I am sorry, but your wife sounds like a horrible person.
My previous relationship over 8 years was a mix of such problems like yours and good times. I could have make it work, but my life would have been a train wreck now. Creating a family with that women, would have resulted in a similar way than yours. I made the cut and am now in a much better place.
nush
Member
GeorgioCostanzaX
Member
It’s not like I’m basing my decision off of your opinion dude. Sometimes it’s just nice to vent anonymously. You think I would ever post something like this where she could actually read it? I’ve brought up marriage counseling and her go to is if you think we need that why don’t we just get divorced. That’s her go to threat in every argument but she takes no action so I’m numb to it.
Yep she does and is also pretty successful at a good company. Part of it is that now that I’m hearing her on the phone working every day due to COVID it’s pretty clear I’m the only person she does this to. She’s nice as can be with friends, co-workers and her employees. I feel like I’m the punching bag because she never loses her cool at anyone else.
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Cutty Flam
Banned
Stand up for yourself and do it firmly as a man. Makes it “wierd” for her......
You have to stop making excuses for her and start telling her to shut the fuck up every once and a while. You have to mean what you say bro, tell her how you really feel as a man at the very least. You keep hiding your emotions and bottling up the abuse she repeatedly throws at you when in all likelihood you deserve very little if none of that bullshit from what I can tell of you. Say what you mean and mean what you say bruh, you don’t have to pay a fucking dime to anyone to get the truth across and start to repair a relationship that’s been damaged. Feelings have to be mutual for things to work. She has to feel good and you have to feel good so there might be a lot of communicating and work that needs to take place to get there for the both of you. It can happen, but if she’s depressed, then you’ll need to try to figure out why through communicating with her 1v1 in a serious face to face discussion and try to tackle those issues
Doesn’t seem right that she can go two months without sleeping with you and even wants to get out of the house to sleep at a friends? Did you really let yourself go that badly? Or is she mourning the loss of someone or something like that?
You have to stop making excuses for her and start telling her to shut the fuck up every once and a while. You have to mean what you say bro, tell her how you really feel as a man at the very least. You keep hiding your emotions and bottling up the abuse she repeatedly throws at you when in all likelihood you deserve very little if none of that bullshit from what I can tell of you. Say what you mean and mean what you say bruh, you don’t have to pay a fucking dime to anyone to get the truth across and start to repair a relationship that’s been damaged. Feelings have to be mutual for things to work. She has to feel good and you have to feel good so there might be a lot of communicating and work that needs to take place to get there for the both of you. It can happen, but if she’s depressed, then you’ll need to try to figure out why through communicating with her 1v1 in a serious face to face discussion and try to tackle those issues
Doesn’t seem right that she can go two months without sleeping with you and even wants to get out of the house to sleep at a friends? Did you really let yourself go that badly? Or is she mourning the loss of someone or something like that?
Paracelsus
Member
Sounds awfully familiar.
I recommend talking to a lawyer first. Counseling would smarten her up.
Talk to a lawyer and determine how much would you lose if you actually divorced.
I'm not saying it's your case but it could be she does actually want you to divorce her so she can play victim and take you for everything you have.
Do you have any relative that can attest to your relationship with your daughter being good?
Or maybe you can just keep ignoring her, see if you can find a way to "record" some of those incidents.
Don't talk to a shrink about this because I think it could be used against you.
I recommend talking to a lawyer first. Counseling would smarten her up.
Talk to a lawyer and determine how much would you lose if you actually divorced.
I'm not saying it's your case but it could be she does actually want you to divorce her so she can play victim and take you for everything you have.
Do you have any relative that can attest to your relationship with your daughter being good?
Or maybe you can just keep ignoring her, see if you can find a way to "record" some of those incidents.
Don't talk to a shrink about this because I think it could be used against you.
Mista
Banned
You know OP, I’m not the type that likes to ruin families. But your wife has no respect for you and I’ve known you on here for a long ass time. You’re a true gentleman and don’t deserve how you’re being treated
Your weight has nothing to do with all of this as long as you’re a good man and do what you need to do as a family man which I am 100% you’re doing
Long story short she doesn’t deserve you. If she isn’t going to fix that, you take the kid and go.
Your weight has nothing to do with all of this as long as you’re a good man and do what you need to do as a family man which I am 100% you’re doing
Long story short she doesn’t deserve you. If she isn’t going to fix that, you take the kid and go.
DunDunDunpachi
Banned
Fix the marriage or divorce her. That's not a healthy relationship for anyone involved, including the kid.