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[RoyalLaFlame]

For some who feel it, or did, how do you deal with it?

I have an ok paying job, living in a country that is not mine, I still don't speak the language fluently. I feel alone - I sit my ass every day is this exact same desk, lonely, just me and my code. Occasionally I have to talk to someone but overall I don't feel like it. Not only that but I'm starting to hate the field that I work in. I apply for many jobs, my CV is not bad, but every time I do an interview, I just don't want to do it. The pay is better, but the stress kills me and makes me doubt myself. I lack motivation, I lack self-worth, and I'm getting fucking tired of it. Today I woke up in a good mood, a few hours later, I am now creating this thread. The amount of times I asked myself if I should do this thread or not is ridiculous.

I'm asking you guys because I have no fucking idea of what to do, my mind can't focus and I don't have anyone that can understand me or no one at all. I feel stressed all the time and it's taking away the joy of living, slowly, each day.

 

[INC]

Self doubt and OCD over shit I cant control or change is my biggest issue, I also suffer really high highs and extremely low lows.

The solution........I don't know i still deal with this shit on a daily basis, breaking the cycle that has worked the best for me, which is to tell myself out loud to stop being stupid and its all in my head. It worked, for a while, everything in my life was going fantastic when I started doing this, had a set back 2 weeks ago tho, where I went down a rabbit hole of self loathing, but bouncing back

Seek help, even if thats talking to someone who gives a shit, or professional, me personally talking to a professional means I've failed, but this isn't the attitude to take, just do it now you have the clarity theres a problem

 

[Pejo]

Realize that we only have like 50-80 years on this earth and that nothing you do really matters in a cosmic scale at all. Then just do what you want.

 

[nush]

For some who feel it, or did, how do you deal with it?

I have an ok paying job, living in a country that is not mine, I still don't speak the language fluently. I feel alone - I sit my ass every day is this exact same desk, lonely, just me and my code. Occasionally I have to talk to someone but overall I don't feel like it. Not only that but I'm starting to hate the field that I work in. I apply for many jobs, my CV is not bad, but every time I do an interview, I just don't want to do it. The pay is better, but the stress kills me and makes me doubt myself. I lack motivation, I lack self-worth, and I'm getting fucking tired of it. Today I woke up in a good mood, a few hours later, I am now creating this thread. The amount of times I asked myself if I should do this thread or not is ridiculous.

I'm asking you guys because I have no fucking idea of what to do, my mind can't focus and I don't have anyone that can understand me or no one at all. I feel stressed all the time and it's taking away the joy of living, slowly, each day.

In all seriousness, hit the gym.

As for your situation, I know what that's like and how people socialize differently where you are. Maybe use your coding skills to create something for yourself in your free time so that at least you'll have the feeling of accomplishment.

 

[BadBurger]

Take anything I write with a grain of salt because I am not a professional, but, it sounds like you may have clinical depression. Go see a professional, they can help you out, get you right.

And good luck.

 

[Tschumi]

I play video games, craft new avatars, write large posts about sumo... then hug my girl when we're back together and i'm all good brah

On topic: I have very similar thoughts to you, my advice: stop being afraid of the language and learn it, a sentence (or its equivalent) a day will compound, it'll get easier. Flashcards. When you start to understand the world, people, humor and intrigue around you, everything gets better.

 

[Whitecrow]

Find something you love and use your money to live in that world. Find something worth living for.

I once was happy playing in a band and making songs until I injured my audition.

My ADHD didnt help to find a stable job so at the end of the day I needed medication for the anxiety,and now im getting some for the adhd.

I mean, if nothing is stopping you from doing what you love go for it, or else, get the help you need to overcome the struggle and with time you will be fine without the meds.

You have me here also to talk about any shit you want.

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

Self doubt and OCD over shit I cant control or change is my biggest issue, I also suffer really high highs and extremely low lows.

The solution........I don't know i still deal with this shit on a daily basis, breaking the cycle that has worked the best for me, which is to tell myself out loud to stop being stupid and its all in my head. It worked, for a while, everything in my life was going fantastic when I started doing this, had a set back 2 weeks ago tho, where I went down a rabbit hole of self loathing, but bouncing back

Seek help, even if thats talking to someone who gives a shit, or professional, me personally talking to a professional means I've failed, but this isn't the attitude to take, just do it now you have the clarity theres a problem

I have a gf but I avoid talking to her about these things because she doesn't really understand. For her everything is always fine, and I appreciate that I can have someone in a good mood at home. Always tries to cheer me up, but now she's not here.

I'm basically alone here. No one to talk to but my cat, and even the little fucker meows like a mad man, leaving me even more stressed hahaha

In all seriousness, hit the gym.

As for your situation, I know what that's like and how people socialize differently where you are. Maybe use your coding skills to create something for yourself in your free time so that at least you'll have the feeling of accomplishment.

I have a gym membership but I've been slacking. Gym usually helps me a lot, but lately I just don't want to do it.

And I have basically zero free time. I leave home at 7:50 am and arrive home at 8 pm. I'm always way too fucking tired to do anything besides house chores (that take an hour or so). I have an idea of something I want to do, but after spending 8 or more hours at work looking at code, getting home and doing the same drives me insane. But I do understand what you mean, I've been designing on paper an app I want to do.

I try to play some switch or something, but the damn machine doesn't give me any joy anymore. It's like I can never focus on anything.

Take anything I write with a grain of salt because I am not a professional, but, it sounds like you may have clinical depression. Go see a professional, they can help you out, get you right.

And good luck.

Maybe, but I know I can overcome this. I've been here before, but it came back.

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

Find something you love and use your money to live in that world. Find something worth living for.

I once was happy playing in a band and making songs until I injured my audition.

My ADHD didnt help to find a stable job so at the end of the day I needed medication for the anxiety,and now im getting some for the adhd.

I mean, if nothing is stopping you from doing what you love go for it, or else, get the help you need to overcome the struggle and with time you will be fine without the meds.

You have me here also to talk about any shit you want.

I used to love gaming, but now I mostly check GAF and barely play any games. My brain thinks that games are a "waste of time" that I should be using for something else.

Frustrating as hell.

 

[Tschumi]

I used to love gaming, but now I mostly check GAF and barely play any games. My brain thinks that games are a "waste of time" that I should be using for something else.

Frustrating as hell.

i know this sounds pretty dick'y but, in addition to my earlier post, maybe the best way to treat ur restlessness re: wasting time would be to go for walks through your new city? find a good cafe where u can study the lingo?

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

i know this sounds pretty dick'y but, in addition to my earlier post, maybe the best way to treat ur restlessness re: wasting time would be to go for walks through your new city? find a good cafe where u can study the lingo?

Yeah, I've been learning the language actually (I have some classes), but it takes a lot of time. It's not an easy language by any means, and I've been here for one year and half already. I can order things, talk basic stuff, but that's pretty much it.

 

[Tschumi]

Yeah, I've been learning the language actually (I have some classes), but it takes a lot of time. It's not an easy language by any means, and I've been here for one year and half already. I can order things, talk basic stuff, but that's pretty much it.

is it a latinate language? germanic? or asian? or?

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

is it a latinate language? germanic? or asian? or?

Chinese. Takes a long time to learn it.

 

[Porcile]

LOL sounds like you are living in Japan, maybe Tokyo? Definitely Asia though.

The answer to all life's problems is go to Thailand.

Edit - Okay. China - haha. I wasn't far off.

 

[Tschumi]

Chinese. Takes a long time to learn it.

ah snap. Well you're lucky, compared to japanese it has a logical structure that's closer to english/german... but yeah. i might advise you to allow your speaking skills to develop faster than ur knowledge of the characters... i lived in beijing for 5 years in my teens and i never knew more than a few characters, but i developed pretty native levels of spoken mandarin in certain areas.

haggling for clothes in clothes markets is good.. i dunno if ur learning mandarin or canto or what, but i always had fun saying "liang bai kuai? tai gui le! ni zhuide wo er bai wu ma?" ("200 kuai? too expensive! do you think i'm crazy/retarded?") Also got pretty decent at flirting and explaining my feelings, and my opinions on things... and directing taxis loll

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

ah snap. Well you're lucky, compared to japanese it has a logical structure that's closer to english/german... but yeah. i might advise you to allow your speaking skills to develop faster than ur knowledge of the characters... i lived in beijing for 5 years in my teens and i never knew more than a few characters, but i developed pretty native levels of spoken mandarin in certain areas.

haggling for clothes in clothes markets are good.. i dunno if ur learning mandarin or canto or what, but i always had fun saying "liang bai kuai? tai gui le! ni zhuide wo er bai wu ma?" ("200 kuai? too expensive! do you think i'm crazy?")

Hahahaha I actually understood what you wrote. I'm learning mandarin, and my listening is good I think, speaking is still a bit iffy and I don't give a damn about writing it. I recognize many characters so I can just use pinyin and the keyboard does the rest.

The tones still fuck me though

LOL sounds like you are living in Japan, maybe Tokyo? Definitely Asia though.

The answer to all life's problems is go to Thailand.

Edit - Okay. China - haha. I wasn't far off.

Yeah haahahaha

Curious what made you said that hahaha

 

[Tschumi]

Hahahaha I actually understood what you wrote. I'm learning mandarin, and my listening is good I think, speaking is still a bit iffy and I don't give a damn about writing it. I recognize many characters so I can just use pinyin and the keyboard does the rest.

I'l be straight with you, i'm kinda nailed to Japan now for the forseeable future, but i've always wanted to go back to china... yeah, going around on my bike, making friends with the people there who want to learn english so they can get out, all that stuff, that kinda thing supercharges ur experience. the only time in my life i didn't play too many games was when i was in beijing, speaking to locals, running a side business with a local friend, totally took away the need for escapism

best way to pick up tones is to just speak with locals, i don't even think about tones and i say them right because i'm just parroting my friends

I'm pretty positive you'd find a expat site, or a social site, that'll have hundreds of locals who want to practice english and stuff, some of them could be pretty interesting professionals etc

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

I'l be straight with you, i'm kinda nailed to Japan now for the forseeable future, but i've always wanted to go back to china... yeah, going around on my bike, making friends with the people there who want to learn english so they can get out, all that stuff, that kinda thing supercharges ur experience. the only time in my life i didn't play too many games was when i was in beijing, speaking to locals, running a side business with a local friend, totally took away the need for escapism

Yeah, that's the thing. I don't have any good experiences. When I got to China i was still single, so I took my chances and fuck it - it was really fun. After getting the gf, things stagnated a bit, which is normal. Not as adventurous.

I would love to create a business here, it's actually a good country to do so, but I lack many things, specially money.

 

[Tschumi]

Yeah, that's the thing. I don't have any good experiences. When I got to China i was still single, so I took my chances and fuck it - it was really fun. After getting the gf, things stagnated a bit, which is normal. Not as adventurous.

I would love to create a business here, it's actually a good country to do so, but I lack many things, specially money.

look for a local partner, it might cost a lot less than u think, china always has a pretty ambitious designer pool i think... i totally know what u say about it being a good place to start a business, i could do it as a 19 year old and made great progress

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

look for a local partner, it might cost a lot less than u think, china always has a pretty ambitious designer pool i think... i totally know what u say about it being a good place to start a business, i could do it as a 19 year old and made great progress

I have a good idea of what to do, and I might have an investor, but I'm stuck on this job that takes 95% of my life so I barely can move.

 

[Tschumi]

I have a good idea of what to do, and I might have an investor, but I'm stuck on this job that takes 95% of my life so I barely can move.

what's the rough industry?

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

what's the rough industry?

That I'm working on? IT. You know the mentality of the IT sector in China. 996, fuck your personal life.

 

[Tschumi]

That I'm working on? IT. You know the mentality of the IT sector in China. 996, fuck your personal life.

i mean for your business idea

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

i mean for your business idea

Education, more like, language learning. Since I taught Portuguese in a University here (for around 3 months) I fell in love with the job/field and made me think that people learning languages is something actually really cool. It's an high lucrative business in China with tons of demand. Since I'm an engineer, I can bring some tech to the lessons, and I already have some ideas.

But it's not really easy or cheap to do it.

 

[Tschumi]

Education, more like, language learning. Since I taught Portuguese in a University here (for around 3 months) I fell in love with the job/field and made me think that people learning languages is something actually really cool. It's an high lucrative business in China with tons of demand. Since I'm an engineer, I can bring some tech to the lessons, and I already have some ideas.

But it's not really easy or cheap to do it.

Is there much of a Portuguese community in ur city? Maybe you can team up and have a little cadre of teachers, to afford some cheap room? ^_^ Ah who knows, this isn't the place for that kinda chatty chat ahhaha... i understand about ur hours and stuff, but yeah, as we get older it gets harder but yeah try to have that excitement for ur location and try to seek out avenues for getting going... best of luck brother

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

Is there much of a Portuguese community in ur city? Maybe you can team up and have a little cadre of teachers, to afford some cheap room? ^_^ Ah who knows, this isn't the place for that kinda chatty chat ahhaha... i understand about ur hours and stuff, but yeah, as we get older it gets harder but yeah try to have that excitement for ur location and try to seek out avenues for getting going... best of luck brother

No portuguese here at all hahahahaha At least that I know of. But yeah, I'm thinking about that, and some places here offer a low rent to create businesses, so I need to think very well about it.

Thank you brother, this little talk already made me feel better

 

[Porcile]

Hahahaha I actually understood what you wrote. I'm learning mandarin, and my listening is good I think, speaking is still a bit iffy and I don't give a damn about writing it. I recognize many characters so I can just use pinyin and the keyboard does the rest.

The tones still fuck me though

Yeah haahahaha

Curious what made you said that hahaha

Because my friend, you are the living stereotype of every foreign IT guy and programmer that I have ever met and read about in Asia.

 

[Tschumi]

No portuguese here at all hahahahaha At least that I know of. But yeah, I'm thinking about that, and some places here offer a low rent to create businesses, so I need to think very well about it.

Thank you brother, this little talk already made me feel better

i don't know of many places in the world where the potential market could be that big, keep ur mind open to the possibilities! really glad to have helped!

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

Because my friend, you are the living stereotype of every foreign IT guy and programmer that I have ever met and read about in Asia.

Yeah... fucking IT.

 

[nush]

"liang bai kuai? tai gui le! ni zhuide wo er bai wu ma?"

Fuck me I'd learn everything so fast if it was typed out in Pinyin. I can read that and understand it phonetically.

 

[Tschumi]

Fuck me I'd learn everything so fast if it was typed out in Pinyin. I can read that and understand it phonetically.

xP pinyin my bread and butter brah haha

 

[Porcile]

Yeah... fucking IT.

Most foreign guys I know who love living in Asia are just straight-up money driven people who revel in the consumer lifestyle of cities in China and Japan. On the other hand, programmers and whatnot more often than not, tend to be softer creative types, who come to Asia in lure of creativity it seemingly offers but just end up as cogs in the big commercial systems that actually runs these countries, working on stuff they don't really give a shit about.

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

Most foreign guys I know who love living in Asia are just straight-up money driven people who revel in the consumer lifestyle of cities in China and Japan. On the other hand, programmers and whatnot more often than not, tend to be softer creative types, who come to Asia in lure of creativity it seemingly offers but just end up as cogs in the big commercial systems that actually runs these countries, working on stuff they don't really give a shit about.

Yeah. I can see why now. Creating a business here is the way to go, not working for someone else. The way their schedule works in most fields is fucking insane. Basically no annual paid leave, weekends you are expected to come work the extra hours (most of the times unpaid for some people), and the boss is an untouchable god.

 

[GeekyDad]

Not saying it as a prescription or advice, just a consideration, but perhaps evaluate your diet, amount of sleep you're getting on a regular basis and physical activity/exercise. These things can absolutely factor into mental health. Unfortunately, they all too often seem to be disconnected when considering one's state of mind/being.

 

[Patrick S.]

Don't live in China. Quit your job and get a job with better work/life balance.

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

Not saying it as a prescription or advice, just a consideration, but perhaps evaluate your diet, amount of sleep you're getting on a regular basis and physical activity/exercise. These things can absolutely factor into mental health. Unfortunately, they all too often seem to be disconnected when considering one's state of mind/being.

That's actually good advice. I've been careless with my sleep and diet. Been sleeping average of 6 hours and something the past few months. And my diet is whatever comes.

Don't live in China. Quit your job and get a job with better work/life balance.

Were it so easy.

 

[nush]

Creating a business here

I don't want to crush you dreams, but don't. Use the place as a resource and for networking but setup the business outside the country.

 

[bitbydeath]

Have you tried a brain dump on paper?
Knowing what to work on is always easier when you see it in written form. It can be cathartic in a way, not having to keep it in your head.

 

[Daymos]

1. I quit drinking alcohol, it was messing with my emotions

2. I got myself out of human society and started thinking about the universe from a scientific standpoint.

Basically i try to break life down into partical physics on the small scale and black holes on the large scale, and then figure out where I fit in-between.

I started to realize that most of what we worry about, specifically time, money, and social connections only exist in our heads. Our problems that we live our lives by are just as much of a fantasy as the Lord of the Rings.

Put all that together and it became much easier to find joy in life. I play video games that I like, I realize what it takes to become physically active and explore the world around me, and I don't need the approval of other people to live my life and seek answers to all my questions.

 

[p_xavier]

Realize that we only have like 50-80 years on this earth and that nothing you do really matters in a cosmic scale at all. Then just do what you want.

This is the attitude I do now, and "Office Space" like mindset is how I enjoy work again. I just don't give a fuck and people like me for it.

I retired to the country, fishing, kayaking, bonfires . I'm nearly always alone but I try to have a more zen attitude.

 

[Kev Kev]

Working out, cooking dinner with some chill music or a podcast and smoking weed

Honestly if I just cared about money more, a lot of my issues would solve themselves. It's just not a motivator for me, so I have to get my mind right through other things/activities

 

[Birdo]

It coud be much worse. You could be jobless too

 

[MaestroMike]

eating a ton of nutrient-dense and energy-dense food and moving/walking all the time. sitting on ur as$ too much is horrible for ur heart/health. a weak heart, sh!t nutrition and weak cardio makes everything else weak/sh!tty. humans aren't designed to sit down all day. get active brother

 

[Pol Pot]

I go to my therapist.

 

[Ozzy Onya A2Z]

1. I don't mentally give those thoughts the time of day or space in my mind. Focus your internal monologue elsewhere and it will be what you become. If such thoughts arise, replace them with something else of your choosing. It's a willpower and mindset consistent training that just gets stronger and easier the more you do it.

2. Go outside, in the sun and do something active while exploring.

3. Get out of your comfort zone. Talk to people or just be happy on your own, it's a personal trait. Do things that are different. Try things without hesitating.

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

I don't want to crush you dreams, but don't. Use the place as a resource and for networking but setup the business outside the country.

Why not? A language school is something that can grow here easily. People want to put their kids in good schools for language learning, if I could somehow mix technology with education, it would be a key differentiator.

Have you tried a brain dump on paper?
Knowing what to work on is always easier when you see it in written form. It can be cathartic in a way, not having to keep it in your head.

Yeah, I've tried. It helps a bit, but after a while I go back to it...

1. I quit drinking alcohol, it was messing with my emotions

2. I got myself out of human society and started thinking about the universe from a scientific standpoint.

Basically i try to break life down into partical physics on the small scale and black holes on the large scale, and then figure out where I fit in-between.

I started to realize that most of what we worry about, specifically time, money, and social connections only exist in our heads. Our problems that we live our lives by are just as much of a fantasy as the Lord of the Rings.

Put all that together and it became much easier to find joy in life. I play video games that I like, I realize what it takes to become physically active and explore the world around me, and I don't need the approval of other people to live my life and seek answers to all my questions.

Yeah, alcohol always leaved me feeling depressed. I rarely drink and I feel better for it. And you're right - our worries are human made worries. In the grand scheme of things, they don't matter at all. But when living in a society, these worries become your life, and makes you feel like shit.

This is the attitude I do now, and "Office Space" like mindset is how I enjoy work again. I just don't give a fuck and people like me for it.

I retired to the country, fishing, kayaking, bonfires . I'm nearly always alone but I try to have a more zen attitude.

I wish I could do that. I still dream about having a nice cozy place in the countryside, but I can't right now. I don't give a fuck if people like me or not, but when even I don't like myself enough... that's a problem.

Working out, cooking dinner with some chill music or a podcast and smoking weed

Honestly if I just cared about money more, a lot of my issues would solve themselves. It's just not a motivator for me, so I have to get my mind right through other things/activities

Yeah, I tried that yesterday... gave up mid way. I forced myself but the energy was already gone at the end of the day.

It coud be much worse. You could be jobless too

Yeah I could, but if I always compare my situation with other people situation I will never get out of this hole.

eating a ton of nutrient-dense and energy-dense food and moving/walking all the time. sitting on ur as$ too much is horrible for ur heart/health. a weak heart, sh!t nutrition and weak cardio makes everything else weak/sh!tty. humans aren't designed to sit down all day. get active brother

True. I miss when I was more active during university.

I go to my therapist.

Unfortunately I don't have one, nor the money for it.

1. I don't mentally give those thoughts the time of day or space in my mind. Focus your internal monologue elsewhere and it will be what you become. If such thoughts arise, replace them with something else of your choosing. It's a willpower and mindset consistent training that just gets stronger and easier the more you do it.

2. Go outside, in the sun and do something active while exploring.

3. Get out of your comfort zone. Talk to people or just be happy on your own, it's a personal trait. Do things that are different. Try things without hesitating.

Yeah, the getting out of my comfort zone moment was when I came to CHina. It felt so fucking good being able to go and risk it. Now I'm here and I'm way too comfortable.


Btw, today I got the message I was accepted into another job position in a much bigger company. I'm not that excited anyway, even if the pay is better, , because it's still IT. I kinda don't want to take, but at the same time it can be good for me.

 

[Ozzy Onya A2Z]

Yeah, the getting out of my comfort zone moment was when I came to CHina. It felt so fucking good being able to go and risk it. Now I'm here and I'm way too comfortable.


Btw, today I got the message I was accepted into another job position in a much bigger company. I'm not that excited anyway, even if the pay is better, , because it's still IT. I kinda don't want to take, but at the same time it can be good for me.

Yeah it takes balls to live abroad, good on you. You'll look back in later years and be so fucking happy you did such things.

Congrats on the job, irrespective if you accept it is always nice to know what is out there or your worth increasing so to speak. I've known a good percentage of people that get out of or want to get out of IT, especially programming. Perhaps do it for some years for solid money to build up other things you want to do in life. If you don't have kids now is that time to do that sort of work/life sacrifice. You'll appeciated it later in life being set up.

 

[RoyalLaFlame]

Yeah it takes balls to live abroad, good on you. You'll look back in later years and be so fucking happy you did such things.

Congrats on the job, irrespective if you accept it is always nice to know what is out there or your worth increasing so to speak. I've known a good percentage of people that get out of or want to get out of IT, especially programming. Perhaps do it for some years for solid money to build up other things you want to do in life. If you don't have kids now is that time to do that sort of work/life sacrifice. You'll appeciated it later in life being set up.

Yeah, I love programming on my free time, on my own. But this shit of working constantly under pressure, meeting deadlines, staying at work late... this is slowly killing me.

I'm living here, but I'm not enjoying it because i have zero time and energy.

 

[nush]

Why not? A language school is something that can grow here easily. People want to put their kids in good schools for language learning, if I could somehow mix technology with education, it would be a key differentiator.

Because you will always get fucked over by a friend or business partner. I've witnessed it, there's many examples of westerners experiences online as well. As soon as money is involved someone will look at a way of making that or taking that from you. As a foreigner in China you have no rights, basically.

 

[SidViscous]

Hmm, I think humans are naturally happy and that the goal to happiness isn't to try and find it, but rather to get back to that default state by removing the things that are making you unhappy,

From your message it sounds like you don't like not being fluent, so go sign up for a language course or find a language swap partner. But you need to get off your ass and make it happen, as nobody else in this world is going do it for you.