Public restroom etiquette

DanteFox

DanteFox

Member
I really love it when I'm dropping a load in a public restroom and someone knocks, I then say, "occupied" and then they wait about five seconds, then knock again. Do they expect that I'm just going to jump up on the second knock without wiping, and run to open the door? How are people this stupid?
 
Everytime I go to the restroom some assholes having a shit. EVERYTIME.

I use the cubicle to wipe my dick with loo roll after I piss, like a real human. Stop shitting in public restrooms and do it at home

Filthy bastards.




:messenger_tears_of_joy:
 
Remember that time I knocked on the one stall door in a public restroom and got no response? So I went to open it. Felt like it was stuck shut, so I grabbed the top of the door and started pulling. Yanked it open. We were both surprised.

Etiquette rule #1: Fucking respond if someone knocks.
 
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Helps if you take shits bad enough to be smelled near the entrance of the restroom. Doesn't hurt to fire off a warning shot fart when someone knocks just to get the idea through this stall is going to be no go zone for about 30-40 minutes after you leave as well.
 
If there's 3 piss pots on the wall and either end are in use at the same time, I cannot physically piss in the middle one. Literally nothing will come out.
 
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Nitty_Grimes said:
If there's 3 piss pots on the wall and either end are in use at the same time, I cannot physically piss in the middle one. Literally nothing will come out.
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The everyday tales of the traumas endured by someone who suffers from the condition known as TDS.

'Tiny Dick Syndrome'
 
Dr.D00p said:
The everyday tales of the traumas endured by someone who suffers from the condition known as TDS.

'Tiny Dick Syndrome'
Click to expand...
Ah. Thank you. There was me thinking it was my agoraphobia and hatred of lots of people in small spaces but no, it's the size of my cock.

Awesome.
 
next time open the door and stare them down while you are squeezing one out :messenger_pouting::messenger_poop:

they'll never be able to knock a door again in their life without having the image of you pooping in their head.
 
best thing ever is to find a door that leads to a secret restroom that no one else even knows exists (other than the cleaning staff) and you just sneak there everytime with an evil grin knowing it's your personal kingdom
 
official mens ppublic restroom rules

1 - never pee right next to another guy, unless you got no choice
1a - if there are three urinals and he is on the left, you take the one on the right, NOT the middle one​
1b - if there are urinal and they are in the middle, you look for a stall (with a door), if no stall, then you have have no chocie and you are free to take the urinal on either side of him​
​
2 - you look forward or straight down, and nowhere else

3 - you do not speak, unless to make a good dirty joke, but it needs to be sexual in nature or somehow referencing how large your penis is. the classic standard is one guy says "man the water sure is cold" and the other says "yeah and deep too"

this is the rule of law. obey or be banished from the party
 
Kev Kev said:
official mens ppublic restroom rules

1 - never pee right next to another guy, unless you got no choice
1a - if there are three urinals and he is on the left, you take the one on the right, NOT the middle one​
1b - if there are urinal and they are in the middle, you look for a stall (with a door), if no stall, then you have have no chocie and you are free to take the urinal on either side of him​
​
2 - you look forward or straight down, and nowhere else

3 - you do not speak, unless to make a good dirty joke, but it needs to be sexual in nature or somehow referencing how large your penis is. the classic standard is one guy says "man the water sure is cold" and the other says "yeah and deep too"

this is the rule of law. obey or be banished from the party
Click to expand...
What is this nonsense?

Just wear a catheter and drink your own cocktail brah.
Zachary Quinto Panama GIF by National Geographic Channel
 
You know what I really love? When you're in a single person restroom and the door is locked, and someone tries opening the door by turning the handle but can't and it makes this horribly stressful noise because you think the door might actually open, and then 2 seconds later they ask "someone in there?" ??? Really?? you're really asking me if there's someone in there when the door is locked and there's this putrid smell coming out of the restroom? Take a f****n guess.
 
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Public restroom etiquette - rest stop edition:

1. Always, always, ALWAYS piss on the wall. It's much more courteous because the wall has so much more surface space than the toilet.

2. Don't ever shit unless it's going to be explosive, off yellow chicken broth with round turdletts floating on top like some kind of Taiwanese stew.

3. Pluck any pubic hair you may have and give the toilet seat a beard. It's poor form to utilize public restrooms unless your junk is Michael Phelpsing it.

4. Make sure to write any racial slurs you've ever learned on the stall in black marker so you don't accidentally say them when it counts.

5. Don't ever flush. Assert your dominance.

6. If in the company of strangers, make sure to grunt repeatedly and severely, as if you were trying to recite that scat part of Korn's Freak on a Leash but have no musical talent.

7. Stand by the door and tell everyone who passes that those air dryers are basically giant poo particle cannons, and proceed to walk out without washing your hands.

Every time, all the time.
 
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chromhound said:
Never use them. Except if your life depends on it lol
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Yeah so many weird stuff happened to me on public toilers... guys passed out on toilets or vomiting, guy having a noisy wank on one...
several times I was peeing and 2 guys do it near me ( one to the left, the other to my right) and looking at my disco stick....
poop on on the discharge button, poop on the floor, pee on the floor... etc...

I do not even wanna talk about glory holes... that is not sexy when there's another guy farting and making a huge eco...
 
TheInfamousKira said:
Public restroom etiquette - rest stop edition:

1. Always, always, ALWAYS piss on the wall. It's much more courteous because the wall has so much more surface space than the toilet.

2. Don't ever shit unless it's going to be explosive, off yellow chicken broth with round turdletts floating on top like some kind of Taiwanese stew.

3. Pluck any pubic hair you may have and give the toilet seat a beard. It's poor form to utilize public restrooms unless your junk is Michael Phelpsing it.

4. Make sure to write any racial slurs you've ever learned on the stall in black marker so you don't accidentally say them when it counts.

5. Don't ever flush. Assert your dominance.

6. If in the company of strangers, make sure to grunt repeatedly and severely, as if you were trying to recite that scat part of Korn's Freak on a Leash but have no musical talent.

7. Stand by the door and tell everyone who passes that those air dryers are basically giant poo particle cannons, and proceed to walk out without washing your hands.

Every time, all the time.
Click to expand...
ZBN9Ont.jpg
 
The worst smelling public restroom was I think a Walgreens I stopped at in Austin TX. It was like that scene out of Anchorman. It was pungent to the point of digging into your nostrils and into your brain. After I left I was still smelling it as I was driving on the freeway fifteen minutes later, like the smell had branded itself into my nostrils. Whoever used it must have been on some wild drug bender or something. Absolutely horrendous.
 
DanteFox said:
The worst smelling public restroom was I think a Walgreens I stopped at in Austin TX. It was like that scene out of Anchorman. It was pungent to the point of digging into your nostrils and into your brain. After I left I was still smelling it as I was driving on the freeway fifteen minutes later, like the smell had branded itself into my nostrils. Whoever used it must have been on some wild drug bender or something. Absolutely horrendous.
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welp, i think were done here. really did the lords work today GAF 👍 great job
 
DanteFox said:
The worst smelling public restroom was I think a Walgreens I stopped at in Austin TX. It was like that scene out of Anchorman. It was pungent to the point of digging into your nostrils and into your brain. After I left I was still smelling it as I was driving on the freeway fifteen minutes later, like the smell had branded itself into my nostrils. Whoever used it must have been on some wild drug bender or something. Absolutely horrendous.
Click to expand...

breaking bad gas mask GIF by Vulture.com
 
Kev Kev said:
3 - you do not speak, unless to make a good dirty joke, but it needs to be sexual in nature or somehow referencing how large your penis is. the classic standard is one guy says "man the water sure is cold" and the other says "yeah and deep too"
Click to expand...

or you are in a bar/club and are both steaming drunk.
 
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