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[xrnzaaas]

Unless it's dating a minor and waiting for them to hit legal age I don't have an issue. People can do what they want. And I know several happy couples with a 10 year+ age difference, it's not always about money or security to be in a relationship with someone much older.

 

[Pejo]

There are tons of 40+ year olds that have the maturity of a teen, I would bet you know at least one. There are also 18 year olds that have been through some shit or just have their shit together. Maturity isn't just an age thing.

Well sure, there are always outliers, but this whole topic is based around generalizations. Also, equating "been through some shit" with maturity isn't really a cause/effect thing. Plenty of people of all ages that have been through shit still end up turning to drugs or other vices, which I consider a sign of immaturity.

I'm just saying it's unlikely that any random 19 year old would have much in common with any random 30-40 year old. If you've been in several relationships throughout stages of your life, you also likely have an idea with what I'm talking about.

Like a 19, your girlfriend ditches you to go to the movies with her friends on a Friday night and it's just the biggest deal. At 40? Good, go, I need some 'me time' anyways. Things like that.

 

[Zephyranthes]

Morally speaking, I find no problem with two consenting adults of any age pairing up, so long as there is mutual transparency and respect in the relationship.

Practically speaking, there can be challenges, especially when you're talking about generational age differences. The worldview/responsibilities/priorities of a person in their 40s is likely to be dramatically different from someone in their 20s, which may make it difficult to align on important life decisions (whether to have children, how to raise them, etc). Also, if two such people marry, there is a natural likelihood that the younger one will become a caretaker for the older in their last years, and their spouse will probably die many years before they do. But again, there's nothing wrong as long as both partners are aware of and accept this when they marry.

 

[The Fartist]

I remember being 18, and I remember being 38. You're basically dating a grown child. Fuck that.

 

[Thurible]

My Dad was like 10 years older than my Mom. It is also my understanding that it is not uncommon for there to be some sort of age disparity among men and women in a relationship. Men can be fertile just about their whole adult lives while the same cannot be said of women. Many men prefer younger women as a result. Likewise, many women prefer older and more mature men as they have more life experience and can be seen as more capable providers. Couples don't have to be the exact same age.

 

[Donald mac Ronald]

At 19/20 to a late 30s guy they are absolutely in different phases of their lives and the maturity shows.

When I was 30 I briefly dated a 19 year old, she was hot and the sex was good. But then she would complain about her dad coming into her room and annoying her and other stupid stuff. I just noped the fuck out.

After this I had a relationship for 3 years with a 23 year old, 7 years weren't too bad but she definitely didn't want to have kids any time soon and she was emotional immature, sucked the life out of the room with moods she would get in over next to nothing. Was more of a personality issue.

So I tried dating girls my own age and they'd come with kids or ex marriage baggage.

Man cant catch a break.

Passport bro anyone? Time to get a 20 something Asian.

 

[HeisenbergFX4]

One of my neighbors is older than me into his 60s (I only recall going to his 60th bash a few years ago) and his current girlfriend living with him is 20 something

Happens though when you are worth about a billion dollars

If something ever happened to my wife, who is about 9 years younger than me, I personally would be ashamed to have a 20 something girlfriend

 

[INC]

my Dad was 14 years older than my Mum

me being 42 now, i couldnt date anyone under the age of 30

 

[Dirk Benedict]

Topher
GITT

 

[OmegaSupreme]

My last relationship started when I was 35 and she was 22. So obviously as long as you're both adults who cares.

 

[Kacho]

Huge gaps are really weird and people are probably going to judge you. If you're ok with that then who cares?

I certainly wouldn't date anyone in their early 20s at my age. Smash? For sure. But date? Hell no. wtf do you have in common with someone like that.

 

[reinking]

During my life I have dated older and younger. It's really about attraction in the end and I am not going to tell someone else how to live their life. Obviously with in reason and the law.

 

[p_xavier]

I like to be a daddy figure.

 

[Topher]

Topher
GITT

I'm not a good person to ask such things. I've been married for 31 years to my high school sweetheart and we are about 11 months apart in age.

Could I imagine being married to someone twenty years younger?

 

[lifa-cobex]

So long as it's legal. I don't care.

But I don't envy the conversing with someone 15+ years young than me.

 

[DavidGzz]

Now that I am 44 with a 20 year old daughter, it would be fucked up to me. I probably thought differently when I was in my 20s. Not anymore. They are still children mentally at 19.

 

[NeoIkaruGAF]

I remember being 18, and I remember being 38. You're basically dating a grown child. Fuck that.

But that's exactly the point.

Oh noes, the poor completely legal, late-teen woman with the smoking-hot body, having to sleep with the older guy who has his shit together and drives her around in a Lamborghini, takes her to pool parties twice a week, buys her things and dinners, and allows her to not worry about having to spend a few of her best years flipping burgers or serving customers! Why won't the old dirty bastard let her live an economically precarious life, living with roommates and enjoying all the 20-something broke gymbros that would be so happy to sleep with her in exchange for bus rides and takeaway at their place?

A lot of those grown children are very happy with that, I assure you. If she's out of high school, she's free to choose that life and the dude won't have to listen to her talking about homework. These days, her parents, if present at all in her life, would probably be happy even if the dude is 50 years older than her, as long as he isn't in debt.

Mind, I'm not saying I'd date a late teen. I have a hard enough time finding an adult woman who can sustain a conversation that's not entirely around herself and her bubble, who doesn't check her phone as soon as silence drops, and who doesn't want to party and travel in any free minute she has.
But the problem is entirely non-existent. Women used to marry young enough that they literally had no life experience that hadn't been curated by their mothers. Today, a woman in her early 20s is very likely to have more experience - and baggage - than guys in their late 20s and beyond. They're not victims if they date older dudes.

 

[Bartski]

My longest one was 16 years apart (19 and 35) and it didn't work, she just wanted to have fun while I was already way too old for this shit

Right now I'm 13 years older than my fiancee and we're a match made in haven

 

[Donald mac Ronald]

My longest one was 16 years apart (19 and 35) and it didn't work, she just wanted to have fun while I was already way too old for this shit

Tell me about it brother.

I just don't give a shit about going out and having fun any more.

 

[Kenneth Haight]

The messages caught my attention... And sometimes opinions distort reality. In my opinion, I don't see anything wrong with those relationships, if they have consent or support. And I think what's important is the effort of each individual.

You don't have kids do you?

Imagine my face as a Dad when my 19 year old daughter turns up with a 38 year old.

You don't have a problem with it cause you're probably the 38 year old looking for the 19 year old?

 

[Heimdall_Xtreme]

You don't have kids do you?

Imagine my face as a Dad when my 19 year old daughter turns up with a 38 year old.

You don't have a problem with it cause you're probably the 38 year old looking for the 19 year old?

And what if the boyfriend comes along and says, "Father-in-law, I'm 42 years old, but I'm a millionaire, I have a doctorate, and I have a good job... and I'm a member of a prestigious association?"

And then another guy comes along, 22 years old, but he didn't finish high school... He works at McDonald's... He's not interested in studying, and on top of that, he's just stuck in his comfort zone

And are there only those two people?

 

[Kenneth Haight]

And what if the boyfriend comes along and says, "Father-in-law, I'm 42 years old, but I'm a millionaire, I have a doctorate, and I have a good job... and I'm a member of a prestigious association?"

And then another guy comes along, 22 years old, but he didn't finish high school... He works at McDonald's... He's not interested in studying, and on top of that, he's just stuck in his comfort zone

And are there only those two people?

Hey man, if you are after the jailbait don't let me stop you. You like em young we get it.

 

[Heimdall_Xtreme]

Hey man, if you are after the jailbait don't let me stop you. You like em young we get it.

Hahaha, you didn't answer my question . Actually, some girls are interested in me and want to be with me.

But we shouldn't stigmatize that aspect either. Like they said before...

The important thing is the connection.

 

[Straight Edge]

Sounds like people conveniently agree on whatever age the law defines as an adult and would be happy to go younger if legally allowed.

 

[Liopleurodon]

 

[Grildon Tundy]

GAF finding radioactively-divisive topics to talk about without it technically being politics.

 

[HeisenbergFX4]

And what if the boyfriend comes along and says, "Father-in-law, I'm 42 years old, but I'm a millionaire, I have a doctorate, and I have a good job... and I'm a member of a prestigious association?"

And then another guy comes along, 22 years old, but he didn't finish high school... He works at McDonald's... He's not interested in studying, and on top of that, he's just stuck in his comfort zone

And are there only those two people?

I can kind of answer that as a dad of a son who took quite some time finding his wife as he wanted a wife who was a working professional as he desired to be one of those "power couples"

I would hope that my daughter would not go after a 22 year old that was content putting fries in the bag the rest of his life and at least have hopes of climbing the ladder within McDonalds

And to counter your question of a 42 year old showing up let me ask where would you draw the line?

I am 58 years old and what if I showed up at your door dating your 21 year old daughter?

I don't not have a doctorate, am retired and not a member of any prestigious association but have enough wealth your daughter would live an amazing life, would that be ok to you?

 

[Tams]

Do whatever you want to do, so long as it is legal.

However when the age gap is 10+ years, the two people are in very different stages of life. This matters more if they have/want children, especially when they are older.

 

[Madonis]

People are free to do what they want, but for me...the maximum gap should be ten years. Past that point, it starts to look awkward for both parties.

If you're 20 or 30 years older than the other person in the relationship, folks will almost certainly talk shit behind your back, accurately or not.

Say: either the younger person is not-so-secretly waiting for you to die and get all your crap, or you're taking advantage of someone else's youth and inexperience. Maybe both!

 

[daffyduck]

Imagine being 40 and your helping your GF with homework from school.

With college homework?

 

[TommyCronin6969]

With college homework?

Sometimes cunts have to redo shit

 

[Heimdall_Xtreme]

I can kind of answer that as a dad of a son who took quite some time finding his wife as he wanted a wife who was a working professional as he desired to be one of those "power couples"

I would hope that my daughter would not go after a 22 year old that was content putting fries in the bag the rest of his life and at least have hopes of climbing the ladder within McDonalds

And to counter your question of a 42 year old showing up let me ask where would you draw the line?

I am 58 years old and what if I showed up at your door dating your 21 year old daughter?

I don't not have a doctorate, am retired and not a member of any prestigious association but have enough wealth your daughter would live an amazing life, would that be ok to you?

In my case... In my future... I'd look for someone trustworthy, well-mannered, and happy... That's what's important... If I were older, up to 20 years old... That would be the limit... But that would be a personal decision... But I would give that advice. I prefer that... to being with someone with no future...

Requirements... Education, Employment, Financial solvency and loyalty.

 

[Atrus]

If the other party is an adult, age doesn't matter.

The reality is that the more you invest in yourself as a man, the less likely you'll find a peer as a partner so go with the woman you're attracted to that brings the fewest liabilities and bang out some kids.

 

[newtypepilot]

 

[Nintendo's Witch]

As long as it's legal I don't care

 

[ForAcademicPurposes]

It's cray how many Gen Z girls I see who are completely reliant on makeup. You take away the mascara and boom, they look like they're forty. I feel like they're not gonna age well at all.

 

[Kamina]

My opinion is that people should not concern themselves with the relationships of other people if they are both adults.

 

[rm082e]

Spoiler: Personal story:

I got into metal music when I was in middle school. By high school I also listened to punk rock, industrial, hardcore, etc. When I was 21, I was at a local at all-ages show. A hot, petite, pixie girl (just picture Haley Williams from Paramore during the Riot album era) came up to me. I knew her cousin and she struck up a conversation. She was very forward and asked for my number, gave me hers, made me promise to answer when she called, etc. She was a boss - told me to pick her up the next night and we went out. We hung out for hours walking around downtown. At the end of the night, she took my hand and made me come stand right in front of the steps to her house. She stood on the first step, grabbed me, and started making out.

I felt like I had won the lottery. She was sweet, silly, super cute, and into me.

The next night, she told me she was 16. She had dropped out of high school and was studying to get her GED. She had a bit of a messed up family situation and was like an adult living with her grandparents who were old as dirt and kind of oblivious. Their house had the garage converted into an apartment which she lived in, so she pretty much had her own place.

We dated for a little over a year. We eventually got bored of each other and mutually agreed to move on. But during that time - especially at the beginning - we were hot and heavy. I felt a bit nervous about dating someone so much younger than me, but it wasn't weird at all because she was very mature. The whole thing felt very natural.

Because she was so mature, I don't think that relationship crossed any lines of inappropriateness. But I do wonder what factors would need to have been different for it to have crossed over. If I was the one with my own place and I was having a 16yo come stay, would that have been more inappropriate than me going to her place? Maybe, but I can't explain why. If I had been 23, would that have been different? Or 25? Or what if she had still been in high school and a good student. Would that have somehow made it inappropriate? If so, why?

Also, my wife is 2.5 years older than me. It was never weird or an issue for us, but our daughter has always said it's weird. She said that right up until she, who is now a 16yo Junior, started dating a 14yo Freshman. Now suddenly it's not weird anymore.

 

[ReBurn]

If someone is old enough to join the military then they're old enough to make bad dating decisions. So generally I like to mind my own business when it comes to matters that are none of my business.

 

[Dice]

My whole extended family is like 10-15yrs apart from their spouses, so I am pretty confident that is can be perfectly well and fine. I see it mostly akin to dating someone from another country. Will there be a higher likelihood of difficulty understanding/relating naturally? Yes. Does something have to feel natural in every respect to be good? No, learning to truly care for another is often not intuitive and a feeling of super compatibility has led many into bad marriages. Is there a higher risk of one person getting exploited? Depends. That seems to do with various metrics of power that often correlate with age but have no real connection to it. Are there millions and millions of examples of it working out fine? Yes. Yet is there a higher chance that one of the parties will decide that it isn't actually what they want? Yes. However that is no moral issue if both are perfectly aware of that obvious chance and are simply finding out if it can work. That is what we all do with someone new.

So long as everyone involved is adult and in control of their own life (so as not to be manipulated), there shouldn't be outside moralizing. When you're talking younger ages like 19-20, is there age-specific likelihood of changing their mind later? Yes. However, while realizing what one really wants and the time invested into not-that might involve some regret, that doesn't necessarily mean it was a mistake or lacking wisdom. Lacking wisdom also shouldn't stop one from living life, since we all generally lack wisdom in things until we become more experienced. One should have a mind for safety and there are some situations that can exist in age-gap relationships that have risk, but there are plenty of risk factors in existence that have nothing to do with age disparity as well.

I think parents who are overly concerned/controlling about their adult children need to learn the important transition taking place, which has already been happening over time. Everyone needs the freedom to live their own life and experience their own successes and failures. Acting as a dominant hand over a grown child, requiring them to have and practice your personal sense of wisdom in order to not aggressively counter their wishes is abusive. Policing their sexuality is creepy and abusive. Yes, when they are actual children it is proper to protect. When they are adults you may still not wish to see them ever experience hurt in this life, yet they are adults and they choose for themselves. It has to happen at some point and that point should be related to their capacity to understand and bear consequences, not their capacity to agree with you about what consequences are likely to be or if they should find willingness in themselves to bear the risk of them.

It does get a little muddy if the consequences end up falling on the parent, but as I said, if everyone involved is grown and in control of their own life, outside pressures should keep out of their business. It is the case even in plenty of people in their 30s that they are not really in control of their own life and can be victimized more easily and the consequences fall on others around them as well. In such cases, I am more sympathetic to people who wish to voice their opinions into the situation. However, these sort of things, often correlating with age, are not actually determined by age. Lots of people find themselves in a 3rd unhealthy marriage after 30 years of grown adult love life.

As for my personal experience, I have never deviated too far from my age. There was once when a woman in her early 20s was quite a bit more mature in certain ways and family-minded than most women substantially older, yet she was so family-minded that she allowed her life to be subservient to her family instead of seeking what she wanted. As a friend I couldn't support her in choosing against herself, so I certainly wouldn't ever do so as a romantic partner, especially if her choice against family was myself, so I never pursued anything even though she showed many signs of loving me. That is the closest I have gotten, as most younger ones are so indoctrinated with whatever their particular indoctrination is that it feels impossible to relate to them. I need someone who is their own and choosing freely, not letting their notions of expectations upon them decide. That is much more common in those closer to my age, yet still rare.

Still, I can see the appeal aside from the obvious sexual sides. Less baggage, more playfulness, more readiness to give love a try, more openmindedness. Bad experiences turn people bitter and turns dating into more of a job interview than sharing things together. Men are constantly sized up by everyone all the time, they aren't looking for that from a romantic partner. They want a companion, supportive and caring, connecting to what makes life beautiful, not what it requires to function. They don't need to fix anything, they just need to not become another voice of performance evaluation lost in the millions of others. It's similar to how men use hobbies not as a replacement for achievement but to have achievements they can appreciate rather than being instantly consumed without thanks and replaced with more demand. Compansionship is for our humanity and younger persons have had less of it beaten out of them.

That said, while rare, it is possible for a very self-aware and diligent person to allow the shit of life to push them into deeper connection with the beauty of life rather than have it beaten out of them. That kind of older woman is truly remarkable. Unfortunately, it seems they are most often mothers or nuns or something of the sort. Single women are often in some form of arrested development patterning after Sex in the City and whatever trash echo chamber they have on social media. The same can be said for men, though. But speaking of age-related risk factors here I am, a middle aged man starting early into my old man rants. Not sure they would be appreciated by a younger woman if I did ever chance it, haha.

 

[simpatico]

I'm in one right now that many would say nasty things about. Before the opportunity presented itself to me, I would probably have been among them. It's a long story, but I don't have whatever moral fiber required to turn down a vintage like this. 20+ year gap. I can't say my experience would change anyone's mind about it. It's completely toxic in multiple ways. But goddam...

 

[Woggleman]

I honestly think that the kind of women who have an issue with consenting adults dating older or younger just hate to see men happy. Some say it is jealousy but I think it is man hate.

 

[Heimdall_Xtreme]

I'm in one right now that many would say nasty things about. Before the opportunity presented itself to me, I would probably have been among them. It's a long story, but I don't have whatever moral fiber required to turn down a vintage like this. 20+ year gap. I can't say my experience would change anyone's mind about it. It's completely toxic in multiple ways. But goddam...

At least for me it's fine, don't worry about it... And I see it as normal.

I even think it's more envy than anything else.

 

[JCK75]

I'm 50.. I'm most comfortable within 5 years of my age, if there's a really extreme unicorn case, I will allow myself 10 years younger.. I went out with a 38-year-old a few weeks back... The dates went great but afterwards she was going to raves and party until 3:00 a.m.... And at my age that just feels like someone from a completely different planet so it didn't work out..

I like women who are in their pajamas by 8:00 p.m. watching TV

 

[T-0800]

I'm not a good person to ask such things. I've been married for 31 years to my high school sweetheart and we are about 11 months apart in age.

Could I imagine being married to someone twenty years younger?

Now we know what he looks like.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

The older people are a reasonable age gap seems ok. But all I know is at one of my old jobs two single people hooked up as a relationship everyone knew about. He was 26 or 27 an she was 38. Was kind of weird.

 

[MayauMiao]

If its legal, I don't care.

I do have a problem when someone start to use age as a weapon for their own benefit.

 

[rorepmE]

 

[WhamBamThankYouMaam]

In many cases a 40-50+ man should perhaps be dating someone around 35, as the females in their own age bracket are hormonally settling into older age due to menopause.

 

[Heimdall_Xtreme]

In many cases a 40-50+ man should perhaps be dating someone around 25,

Fix it