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[smokeandmirrors]

Came back to say thanks for the reality slap across the face. It made me realise a couple things that I had missed before. So I'm done talking to my ex, and the feelings I thought I had had for her again were nothing more than me being lonely (and the sex part, but that didn't happen so all for naught). She's been an absolute bitch to me lately anyway, so it's good to be shot of her.

I would like to pursue the girl in NY, but definitely backed off a bit and still want to explore options here too. I definitely thought we had some possibility before she left, so I'll keep it cool and wait for her to come back and go from there.

Time to hit the gym more.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

Okay, so my GF's friends don't seem to like us together. She's in HS (I'm 18, she's 17). Apparently there is a lot of shit talk going around for absolutely no reason. I know they like us individually, but not together. Probably cause me and her hang out often. I've hung out with her and her friends simultaneously, and they seemed to have a great time.

I'm a guy who almost never receives hate, I am generally likable. I really can't stand drama, yet they seem to be way too willing to start it. Some of you must have dealt with this before. What should we do? I can't exactly tell them to fuck off, as that would be immature.

I dated my ex when I was a sophomore in college and she was a senior and high school. I don't know your girlfriend's friends at all, but from my experience, high school girls are insane. They love to start drama when things don't go their way. The bold is probably a big reason too. Every time my ex would hangout with her girlfriends they always complained about how little they hungout with her cause of me. Even though it was my ex's choice. They're young and most likely really immature. Just keep that in mind. I'd just ask your gf if she wants to spend more time with her friends.

 

[Vermillion]

Okay, this isn't dating, exactly (at all, really), but I just came back from an 18+ night at a bar. Party. All of my friends danced with at least one girl. Me? Well, I never even tried.

Thing is most of the other guys were just telling me (yeah, even other random people - embarrassing, no?) "oh, just grab her waist." But I'm completely aware that a good degree of girls don't like that sort of thing (besides, no access to alcohol past pre-gaming). So I didn't want to do that. And asking nicely isn't nearly confident enough. So I ended up wandering, dancing to the music for a bit with friends... and basically watching people just grab girls and succeed. Or some didn't with a few.

So. How to approach a girl on the dance floor?

Also, for some reason, I didn't feel like going with the girls who I saw dancing with like everyone else. One dude finished dancing with a chick and told me I should go. Didn't (as one would assume from the story's premise). Maybe I'm too choosy...?

Oh, wait, there were these girls I was going to ask, but one, I went with my friend and they didn't even let us say anything (he led, of course), and another I talked to at the bar for a moment. But I basically ended it, saying "you seem cool, I'll talk to you later." She was sitting there as she just finished dancing with a friend for a while. Never asked her to dance, though...

Anyways.

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

Alright GAF I got something I can't figure out but I know ya'll can figure it out easily leaving me like an idiot. So the setup is I have this class with this one girl I like. Now I had a class with her previous semester and she sort of knew me before hand. Actually she was pretty excited that I was in the class we currently have now. So we actually have conversations before class would actually start and such then she tells me that she's glad I'm in the class because I'm the only one she knows. Now my brain is telling me that I've already arrived at the friend-zone we all know and hate. The fear that she's only interested in me as a classmate and nothing else. But something is telling me otherwise. Should I just keep at it with the talking and such, or should I "pursue" ASAP? Reading this back, looks like the answer is right in front of me, but I want someone to tell me what it is for some assurance sigh

 

[Hylian7]

Alright GAF I got something I can't figure out but I know ya'll can figure it out easily leaving me like an idiot. So the setup is I have this class with this one girl I like. Now I had a class with her previous semester and she sort of knew me before hand. Actually she was pretty excited that I was in the class we currently have now. So we actually have conversations before class would actually start and such then she tells me that she's glad I'm in the class because I'm the only one she knows. Now my brain is telling me that I've already arrived at the friend-zone we all know and hate. The fear that she's only interested in me as a classmate and nothing else. But something is telling me otherwise. Should I just keep at it with the talking and such, or should I "pursue" ASAP? Reading this back, looks like the answer is right in front of me, but I want someone to tell me what it is for some assurance sigh

Do you ever really see or talk to each other outside of class (not counting Facebook)? If not, then it doesn't sound like it, but I could be wrong.

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

Do you ever really see or talk to each other outside of class (not counting Facebook)? If not, then it doesn't sound like it, but I could be wrong.

The only time I've ever seen her on campus (passing period) was just once and we had a small conversation. You really don't see the same people on campus everyday. It's mostly by chance and I'm trying not too rely on that too much or at all.

So no, I don't really see her that often. Especially since it's a Tuesday/Thursday class.

 

[Ignignort]

I realise this is dating age, but there isn't reaaaally a relationship-age from what I could see anyway. So i'll block out what my question is to keep the mood good!

Spoiler

Just ended a relationship, she wanted to end it by saying I love you and getting out and walking away, which didn't seem fair because then I look like the asshole. So I asked her to get back in the car so I could say my piece, she got angry at me and saying this is how you'll remember me etc.

Did I do the right thing by making things end badly?

Also her problem with me was I didn't treat her right, but just 2 weeks ago I took her on a trip which cost me $1700 all up for our anniversary. (3 years)

 

[overcast]

I dated my ex when I was a sophomore in college and she was a senior and high school. I don't know your girlfriend's friends at all, but from my experience, high school girls are insane. They love to start drama when things don't go their way. The bold is probably a big reason too. Every time my ex would hangout with her girlfriends they always complained about how little they hungout with her cause of me. Even though it was my ex's choice. They're young and most likely really immature. Just keep that in mind. I'd just ask your gf if she wants to spend more time with her friends.

Yeah, I feel you. I am probably pretty immature, but this one friend of hers in particular is being ridiculous. Definitely drama for drama's sake. Adding tension to where there wasn't any. They complain to her in the same way. I asked, she insists on hanging with me more often. I told her today to set up a group hang out. Gotta get more friendly (even though I always am).

 

[luckyboyceo]

Just got back from my date. She was SOOOOOO cute, my lord. We sat down to eat, and she couldn't decide what to have because she was giggling so much from my constant eye contact. Never a lull in conversation, which was what I was afraid of all night, then as we're leaving the restaurant, she takes my hand and leads me over to her car, where I push her up against it and kiss her hard. We made out for about ten minutes in the freezing cold with cars driving by us before we got dessert at DQ. Talked a little bit more, a bit on the serious side this time, then left at closing. Made out a lot more, some fingering happened, and we made a second date for Monday. Overall, a successful first date in my opinion.

Congrats man! Sounds like an all-around great time. Let us know how Monday goes.

Just got back from a third date. Here's a trick for those who are in the "in between" phase where you don't know of you should ask her out or not. YMMV.

I looked into her eyes and said "you know... we're at that point where we kinda don't know where to go from here... kinda like we should..."

Then I started pointing to her and myself back and forth

She says "become official?"

I respond "I was thinking more along the lines of get matching shirts but I guess that works" lol. Worked like a charm. I officially asked her out after...

Awesome man, I'll be stealing this whenever I get the chance. It's always weird having that conversation so that's a nice way to take the edge off.

Congrats on becoming official!

Alright GAF I got something I can't figure out but I know ya'll can figure it out easily leaving me like an idiot. So the setup is I have this class with this one girl I like. Now I had a class with her previous semester and she sort of knew me before hand. Actually she was pretty excited that I was in the class we currently have now. So we actually have conversations before class would actually start and such then she tells me that she's glad I'm in the class because I'm the only one she knows. Now my brain is telling me that I've already arrived at the friend-zone we all know and hate. The fear that she's only interested in me as a classmate and nothing else. But something is telling me otherwise. Should I just keep at it with the talking and such, or should I "pursue" ASAP? Reading this back, looks like the answer is right in front of me, but I want someone to tell me what it is for some assurance sigh

You're not friend-zoned, but you will be eventually if you stay the course. I don't think you need to go into hot pursuit immediately, but start to flirt with her more if you haven't already. Ask her out within the next week or two.

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

Yes, I knew I was right! Alright I'll take those to heart. Much obliged. Staying the course is definitely ain't gonna help.

Edit: But the thing is, we kinda know each other to a certain extent (sat next to her on the final and didn't say a single word to her and left) and so im concerned that the type of attitude I had last semester would hurt my chances. The only thing about this semester, is that it's just us. But is the damage already done?

 

[AdventureRacing]

I realise this is dating age, but there isn't reaaaally a relationship-age from what I could see anyway. So i'll block out what my question is to keep the mood good!

Spoiler

Just ended a relationship, she wanted to end it by saying I love you and getting out and walking away, which didn't seem fair because then I look like the asshole. So I asked her to get back in the car so I could say my piece, she got angry at me and saying this is how you'll remember me etc.

Did I do the right thing by making things end badly?

Also her problem with me was I didn't treat her right, but just 2 weeks ago I took her on a trip which cost me $1700 all up for our anniversary. (3 years)

It's impossible for anyone on the outside to judge your relationship as we really know nothing about it. By the sounds of things you probably made the right choice though.

 

[RelentlessRolento]

Well, the OKCupid meetup went good, but turned into more "Hey nice to meet you, lets be friends" which is fine, because she's a cool person but I'm not at all attracted to her.

So far I have (girl)friends that have been helping me hook up, which I have to say is awesome. All I have to do is be a good friend and they care enough to try and push good girls my way, so no complaints here.

 

[Aesius]

plentyoffish.com

Its another dating website. I actually met my fiance on there about 3 and a half years ago. We're getting married this coming June.

Chiming in with another PoF success story.

I actually had several posts in the last few iterations of this thread, and was at rock bottom for a few months due to issues with my ex and depression. Signed up for PoF last December/January on a whim, went on a few dud dates, met a girl in March, and now we live together.

I had 0 hope of online dating ever working out for me, and it was very discouraging for a few months. But I managed to get lucky and I scored an amazing girl. We're not engaged, but marriage certainly isn't out of the question with her.

There's really no reason to not add PoF to your dating repertoire. Despite my early lack of success, I actually found it much easier and waaaay more convenient than trying to meet girls in class or in public.

 

[NihonTiger90]

Just got back from a third date. Here's a trick for those who are in the "in between" phase where you don't know of you should ask her out or not. YMMV.

I looked into her eyes and said "you know... we're at that point where we kinda don't know where to go from here... kinda like we should..."

Then I started pointing to her and myself back and forth

She says "become official?"

I respond "I was thinking more along the lines of get matching shirts but I guess that works" lol. Worked like a charm. I officially asked her out after...

Beautiful. *files this one away for later*

 

[YoYo Switch]

I don't expect anyone to answer the plea from a lowly junior, but here goes nothing lol

Ok, so, since April of last year, I've been in love with my best friend (dumbest thing I've ever done by the way)

During the beginning of October (2 days after my birthday XD) she breaks my heart and tells me that she kissed my best guy friend.

Boo hoo. So I fall into a really dumb depression that was just a huge waste of time, whatever, I'm over it now.

But here's the thing, a week after my heart gets broken, I "meet" a mutual friend of a few friends of mine.

I put "meet" in quotes because we always knew each other, we just barely said a word to each other until the night we met.

We hit it off extrordonarily well, a bunch of people start talking etc.

I guess I liked her. I thought she was beautiful and I just adored everything about her.
But I was a little blinded at the time. Being a week after I was fucking crushed by this girl, I thought that this new girl was just me replacing the old one, and that I couldn't actually like her. Like, I thought it was impossible for me to like someone so soon.

So my depression gets worse and worse. My first semester in college goes horribly.

All while this was happening, I kept in touch with her, texted back and forth etc.

Around november, I get a call from a friend of mine telling me that this girl likes me. Like, she explicitly said she wanted to date me. Again, I don't do anything. (like an idiot)

So around December, I say 'fuck it, I'm crazy about this girl, let me ask her out'
So I do, and it goes incredibly well. I came out of the date liking her even more than I did before. We plan another one the week after, also awesome.

The week after that, I see her at a party, we also had a great time. And the day after that, I saw her at a Hugh school forensics tournament (she's on her school's team and me being a college freshman, I Judge them)

But I feel like I fucked up. I felt like I was a bit too on top of her that day. I felt like I tried wayyy too hard and there were moments where I could definitely feel she didn't want me around. There were moments that day where we were like our old selves, but those awkward 'what is it that you came here to talk about' moments where interspersed throughout.

We had some good moments that day, but it ended on a bit of a sour note. The next day I get a letter from my college telling me That they were suspending me for failing 3 classes...

Long story short, I haven't talked to her (or anyone for that matter) AT ALL for almost a month. The only interaction we had was her poking me on Facebook a couple days ago.

I texted her last night saying that I missed hearing from her, and we went back and forth until I fell asleep.

So my question is.. Where do I go from here with this girl? Should I just say "fuck it" and move on?
If anyone wants to give me advice, I'm all ears. Ask any question you want.
And thanks in advance. I realize my post is a bit long, if anyone wants me to clarify or shorten it up, just let me know.

Thanks guys.

 

[hipgnosis]

You're thinking way too far into the future. You're not asking her parents for her hand in marriage. Your life and career is also not fully set in stone yet. For all we know, you could invent something that'll make you millions within the next 5 years. Who knows. All of this said, you need to stop giving a fuck. I've some really wealthy friends and they're all really nice (defying the rich people = dicks stereotypes) so don't assume just because she's rich her parents or her friends are going to be assholes.

You're not even taking this girl on dates yet. If you get deeper into things, like meeting her parents, I have experience (dating girls with wealthy parents) with this situation so I'll share that info when and if it matters.

Just focus on having fun, getting to know her, and finding out if she's not crazy for now. c:

Nice advice Soul! Yeah I'm just having fun for now. It's not a problem for me and I really don't give a shit about money, not a golddigger. She's really classy though. Just a little weird for me since I don't know anyone else with that kind of wealth. Makes me wonder how much she cares about money, cause I'm poor as fuck now as a student. As soon as I get my masters done I'll be ok though, but that's gonna take years.

Met her yesterday evening as well, made out a lot and cuddled the whole evening in a bar. Gonna have a date with her next friday. We'll see how this ends up going, but she is really into me at the moment.

 

[BronzeWolf]

Ok, so, since April of last year, I've been in love with my best friend (dumbest thing I've ever done by the way)

Yes it is, especially if you aren't ready to let her go

During the beginning of October (2 days after my birthday XD) she breaks my heart and tells me that she kissed my best guy friend.

She didn't break anything. She is entitled to kissing, fucking, blowjob-ing, anyone she wants. I don't get hurt when my lady friends kiss some guy. I feel happy for them. Because I am not interested in them sexually, but I am happy that they are happy. Was it your birthday? BOO-FUCKING-HOO, she owed you nothing.

Being a week after I was fucking crushed by this girl

Change your tune. She didn't crush no shit from you. You crushed yourself

But I feel like I fucked up. I felt like I was a bit too on top of her that day.

WHAT THE FUCK MAN? Why would you think you fucked up? Being on top of a girl ON A FUCKING DATE is not bad. That's what dates are for.

I could definitely feel she didn't want me around.

And the fault of that falls primarily over you. It's the man's job to make it comfortable. When you get nervous and there are awkward silences mooring about, you ask a personal question.

Long story short, I haven't talked to her (or anyone for that matter) AT ALL for almost a month. The only interaction we had was her poking me on Facebook a couple days ago.

SHE POKED YOU? What more do you want? She walking on your bed naked (with condoms, because you know, I'm too lazy to get condoms).

YOU WENT ON A DATE, YOU HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER IN A MONTH, AND SHE POKES YOU???

This girl is probably nuts about you and you are TORTURING her by not talking to her. She is probably asking herself "OH shit, I thought the date was fine. Wtf happened that he didn't talk to me again? Was I too fat? Didn't I look cute enough? Did my lazy eye scare him off? Maybe he wanted sex..."

Be a god damn man and talk to this girl, please? invite her over. You kind of owe her here.

So my question is.. Where do I go from here with this girl? Should I just say "fuck it" and move on?

Fuck it and move on? move on to what? You don't have experience, you need this experience. Ask her out again! And never ever again wonder if a girl had a great time with you, you can't control that. Just assume they did and keep on trucking.

Jesus I feel bad for the girl.

Ask any question you want

I don't need to ask questions, you are the one who needs to ask questions. Go set up your date, got any ideas?

 

[BronzeWolf]

Yes, I knew I was right! Alright I'll take those to heart. Much obliged. Staying the course is definitely ain't gonna help.

Edit: But the thing is, we kinda know each other to a certain extent (sat next to her on the final and didn't say a single word to her and left) and so im concerned that the type of attitude I had last semester would hurt my chances. The only thing about this semester, is that it's just us. But is the damage already done?

You are not in the FriendZone. You'll know you are in the friendzone when:
1. She tells you
2. She doesn't respect your time (flakes, uses you for homework, ego boosting, shopping, irrelevant gossip)
You have a shot, but you gotta be sexually aggressive with her! Invite her out! Go for hand holding as fucking fast as you can, after she lets you brush her arms and back.
Godspeed

I realise this is dating age, but there isn't reaaaally a relationship-age from what I could see anyway. So i'll block out what my question is to keep the mood good!

Spoiler

Just ended a relationship, she wanted to end it by saying I love you and getting out and walking away, which didn't seem fair because then I look like the asshole. So I asked her to get back in the car so I could say my piece, she got angry at me and saying this is how you'll remember me etc. Did I do the right thing by making things end badly? Also her problem with me was I didn't treat her right, but just 2 weeks ago I took her on a trip which cost me $1700 all up for our anniversary. (3 years)

You are in the right place. There has never existed a "great" break up. So she broke up with you and left. What more did you want to say? It's done. The girl doesn't see you as a sexual partner anymore. She is or probably already has looked for another dick to fill her vagina with. So it's time for you to let it go. No, you don't get to share what you want to say. If she wanted to listen to it, she would have asked you.

E.G. My last relationship also didn't end with a bang. Quite the contrary, I was feeling she was in a low mood with me lately. Talked to her, didn't get a straight answer. Gave her 1 week notice so she could tell me wtf was wrong with her. She cancelled on movie going trip by sms, no good reason, no proposed next date either. So I just sent her an sms with "..."

And she never answered. We haven't talked at all since and t was one of the hardest weeks of my life. Knowing that this was over sms but the writing was on wall, the dice already on the table, it was just a matter of time.

So you've got at least some closure.

When girls mean you don't treat them "right" it doesn't mean you don't treat them "good". You could shower a girl with diamonds, cars, trips and candy, but if they don't feel passion and drama, they will fucking leave. I can not say what you did wrong from such a short description of your relationship, but it seems like you didn't challenge this girl enough for her to continue being attracted to you.

"oh, just grab her waist." But I'm completely aware that a good degree of girls don't like that sort of thing

They do. They love it. Do it.

(besides, no access to alcohol past pre-gaming)

I don't drink, this is an excuse.

So. How to approach a girl on the dance floor?

"Hey wanna dance?"

Also, for some reason, I didn't feel like going with the girls who I saw dancing with like everyone else.

I don't think those girls were too hot on dancing with you anyway. It's just dancing, man. It's not like they are getting raped out there. Are you white? White people dance like old nuns (ok not really)

One dude finished dancing with a chick and told me I should go. Didn't (as one would assume from the story's premise). Maybe I'm too choosy...?

No you are not too choosy, you are too much of a coward. Don't try to make excuses.

Oh, wait, there were these girls I was going to ask, but one, I went with my friend and they didn't even let us say anything (he led, of course), and another I talked to at the bar for a moment. But I basically ended it, saying "you seem cool, I'll talk to you later." She was sitting there as she just finished dancing with a friend for a while. Never asked her to dance, though...

"Hey you seem cool, wanna hang out over there. Will you borrow me this girl for a second guys?"

 

[nHDR]

Hey bros, would appreciate it if more people could give me their thoughts. Took me a while to post my experience. Not gonna quote since its large, here's the direct link:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=34839222&postcount=1341

 

[BronzeWolf]

Hey bros, would appreciate it if more people could give me their thoughts. Took me a while to post my experience. Not gonna quote since its large, here's the direct link:

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=34839222&postcount=1341

You already got 2 or 3 comments on your situation. Most posters don't get that. I don't have anything more to add

 

[The Shadow]

Chiming in with another PoF success story.

All my previous "successful" relationships were girls that I met in real life. My current girlfriend I met on OKCupid and so far its been pretty successful.

I don't think anyone should use online sites exclusively, particularly for reasons like laziness, or shyness. Those are things that you need to work on and are undesirable. But, combined with meeting women off-line, I think it just broadens the pool available to you.

[sob story truncated] So my question is.. Where do I go from here with this girl? Should I just say "fuck it" and move on?.

BronzeWolf already said what I would have said so I'll be brief. You got friendzoned by that first girl but that was your own doing. She didn't crush you, you did. Unless you're a robot, no one can make you feel a certain way unless you allow it, and you allowed it. You were just friends, which means she was perfectly well within her right to date and do whatever she wanted with any other guy. She's not your property and she doesn't owe you jack just because she's your friend or because you're "nice" to her.

Now, having said that, it sounds like you're on the path to fucking up another relationship. The second girl sounds like she's very interested but you're acting passive, flaky, and giving her the impression you're NOT interested. This is probably what happened with the first girl as well. Unless you want to be put in the friendzone yet again (and again, and again, and again), you need to show more interest and stop being so concerned about being "too on top" of a girl. Trust me, if you're fearful of being "too on top", then I guarantee you're being too fearful and passive in reality.

 

[nHDR]

Its always good to meet women in person as opposed to online. The nervousness is taken away when you realize you can ask a girl out without her even seeing you. The environment is also much more organized in an online setting since everyone is there to date. I think its good to be forced to deal with those pressures so you become more immune.

Then again, I've considered online dating in the past. Didn't do it but I may at some point. Online dating still dating!

 

[theignoramus]

yeah, so I basically got fucked and chucked. I was lead on, but that's no excuse, I should have noticed the subtle, but numerous signals that I wasnt regarded as anything more than a casual lay. Still, I have trouble reconciling this with the time we spent together, cause there was cuddling, sharing all kinds of stories, blah,blah, blah, the sort of stuff you do with an impending girlfriend/boyfriend, not a fuck buddy.
I wont be played like a chump again though, that's for sure. Yet more proof that the opposite sex should never be put on a pedestal by virtue of their being a woman.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Some shit

What the fuck.
What. the. fuck.

Bronze pretty much said it all already but I want to slap you in the face. You have not fucked this up, this girl still wants you. Moving on from this would be like...randomly throwing an awesome steak in the garbage for no reason.

 

[The Shadow]

Its always good to meet women in person as opposed to online. The nervousness is taken away when you realize you can ask a girl out without her even seeing you. The environment is also much more organized in an online setting since everyone is there to date. I think its good to be forced to deal with those pressures so you become more immune.

Then again, I've considered online dating in the past. Didn't do it but I may at some point. Online dating still dating!

You still see it in this thread from time to time. People asking what they should say, or why a girl hasn't replied after 10-15 minutes, etc.

But fundamentally I agree with you completely. I think it's far more important to be comfortable in approaching, conversing, and asking women out in real life. And most importantly, not taking rejection personally.

If you can do that in real life, online dating is a breeze. Moreover, when you send an email to maybe 2-3 women and they don't respond right away, if ever, you won't feel the need to come to this thread and whine about it. Because it's not that big of a deal.

 

[theignoramus]

anyone use match.com?
I'm loving how selective you can get (Im not all that picky. only type of woman I have ZERO interest in dating are fat and/or ugly ones) and I appreciate that women specify their racial preferences. It keeps guys like me from wasting my time.

 

[castlegar]

What's the call on communication frequency between first few dates, more specifically texting?

I saw this girl last week and things went really well. We set up getting together on Thursday (before she leaves for a week vacay) and I'm wondering how often I should text her. It's not like we know each other fully well, but I still want to keep her engaged. Should I be making an effort to text every other day or whatever, or keep it minimum?

 

[theignoramus]

What's the call on communication frequency between first few dates, more specifically texting?

I saw this girl last week and things went really well. We set up getting together on Thursday (before she leaves for a week vacay) and I'm wondering how often I should text her. It's not like we know each other fully well, but I still want to keep her engaged. Should I be making an effort to text every other day or whatever, or keep it minimum?

as long as you have a date set, keep it to a minimum.I recommend saving your stories and anecdotes for the date. but I think you're good to go if you wanna tell her to check out a song or direct her to some funny video or something. (dont suggest she check out "x",tell her to do it)

 

[Cubsfan23]

What's the call on communication frequency between first few dates, more specifically texting?

I saw this girl last week and things went really well. We set up getting together on Thursday (before she leaves for a week vacay) and I'm wondering how often I should text her. It's not like we know each other fully well, but I still want to keep her engaged. Should I be making an effort to text every other day or whatever, or keep it minimum?

give her the gift of missing you

 

[BronzeWolf]

What's the call on communication frequency between first few dates, more specifically texting?

I saw this girl last week and things went really well. We set up getting together on Thursday (before she leaves for a week vacay) and I'm wondering how often I should text her. It's not like we know each other fully well, but I still want to keep her engaged. Should I be making an effort to text every other day or whatever, or keep it minimum?

It's ok to contact her, but not too much. You can up the messaging after you kiss, or something meaningful like that

 

[nHDR]

What's the call on communication frequency between first few dates, more specifically texting?

I saw this girl last week and things went really well. We set up getting together on Thursday (before she leaves for a week vacay) and I'm wondering how often I should text her. It's not like we know each other fully well, but I still want to keep her engaged. Should I be making an effort to text every other day or whatever, or keep it minimum?

Don't message her during her vacation, that's for sure. She'll contact you when she comes back.

 

[overcast]

Dance stuff

Anyways.

It's simple man, just ask a girl to dance. I found out the first time at a dance party that you just have to be confident. Go up to them and just ask dude. Don't sweat it, it's absolutely not a big deal. Bronze Wolf told you what's up. I don't drink at these dances, just gotta go do your thing. Don't get picky, they are there to grind. They'll enjoy it. Don't fear rejection either, that means nothing in this case. Idk how old you are, but I'm sure you are about my age. If I can do it, you can.

 

[YoYo Switch]

*ass kicking*

Thanks a lot. But to clarify, the day where I feltto was too on top of her: I thought I made it clear on here that it was a non date school function. There were plenty of other people around for her to talk to. Same goes for me. I felt like I was around her a bit too much. The reason that worries me was because she'd always tell me that I was better than a bunch of other guys because they'd always be so awkward around her. And there I was, being awkward. I acted differently than I used to. No doing because I was so fucking terrified of fucking up my chances in some way.

Thanks for all your input.

BronzeWolf already said what I would have said so I'll be brief. You got friendzoned by that first girl but that was your own doing. She didn't crush you, you did. Unless you're a robot, no one can make you feel a certain way unless you allow it, and you allowed it. You were just friends, which means she was perfectly well within her right to date and do whatever she wanted with any other guy. She's not your property and she doesn't owe you jack just because she's your friend or because you're "nice" to her.

I totally get that. I'm not even concerning myself with that girl anymore. I just wanted to get that out of the way so I could illustrate the fact that when I first met this new girl, I wasn't exactly in a place to do anything about it. Which is why I ended up asking her out 2 months after I "met" her.

Now, having said that, it sounds like you're on the path to fucking up another relationship. The second girl sounds like she's very interested but you're acting passive, flaky, and giving her the impression you're NOT interested. This is probably what happened with the first girl as well. Unless you want to be put in the friendzone yet again (and again, and again, and again), you need to show more interest and stop being so concerned about being "too on top" of a girl. Trust me, if you're fearful of being "too on top", then I guarantee you're being too fearful and passive in reality.

Thanks I'll keep this in mind. Sounds like I just need to let go of any fear and just take more risks.

What the fuck.
What. the. fuck.

Bronze pretty much said it all already but I want to slap you in the face. You have not fucked this up, this girl still wants you. Moving on from this would be like...randomly throwing an awesome steak in the garbage for no reason.

I really appreciate the bluntness you guys. I really do, it's what I came here for.

In situations like these I always fall a trap. When things are going well for me, I'm always afraid of fucking up in the process. I feel like its always an inevitability for me. As a result, I stay in one place for too long and don't do shit about ANYTHING in my life. I recognize the problem and I'm trying to get out of this. So, sorry for being such a fuckkng wuss.

I have a feeling I've put my trust in the right place. Thanks a lot guys.

Just one more thing I suppose:
When a friend of mine told me that this girl liked me, she straight up said "I don't want you two dating each other" this friend is this girls best friend and she said "I don't want my best friends dating each other, it'd be weird"
She took two friends of hers becoming an item pretty hard before, so I'm always weary whenever she tells me that the girl I'm interested in isn't interested anymore.

She told me that she wasn't interested in me, but when I asked her out the next week, she said yes and we went out a few times. Whenever I'd ask her if this girl explicitly said "I don't like him anymore" she'd say "no, I can just tell"
I stopped mentioning her when we started "dating" and I have a feeling she stopped mentioning me too. My friend never really "interrogated" me about this girl until we were at that party.

So my query this time is, should I continue to not trust my friend whenever it comes to this girl? Or, because she's her best friend, should I consider that there may be something to the things she says?

Again, thanks in advance guys.

 

[Jhoan]

So my query this time is, should I continue to not trust my friend whenever it comes to this girl? Or, because she's her best friend, should I consider that there may be something to the things she says?

Again, thanks in advance guys.

Then why did she tell you in the first place if she didn't want you two going out? I don't think that should stop you from going out with her. I think you should ignore her and do it; ultimately, that's gonna make you happy. If that chick likes you and you like her, then it can't be helped; it's attraction.

What's the worst thing that can happen if you go out with her? Her friend is gonna stop talking to you? Big deal. If she really respects you two, then she shouldn't let that ruin a friendship. Unless she likes you too and she's jealous.

 

[smokeandmirrors]

I understand that guys should generally pay for dates in the beginning, but after six months of dating and being official, you'd think it should start to even out a bit, where she would treat dinner and a movie once in a while...

Am I in the wrong here? My ex seems to think so and she almost told me as much, and that "I don't know anything about relationships" because she was my first real relationship that lasted longer than 2-3 months.

Either way, she's officially out of my life now. No facebook, no number, nothing. It took a huge argument, but I finally came to my fucking senses. Only took me 2 years to see that I was with the wrong girl for the wrong reason.

What's a good way to not be even a little upset at pretty much being used as a doormat for a year and a half? I mean looking back on it, I have nothing to show for this relationship besides lack of virginity. I'm going to be a bitch about it for a bit, since she was my first real relationship and I put so much into it and got little in return. Oh the perils of being a high schooler at the time. (for the record, I'm a sophomore in college now). No matter what I do though, everything keeps coming back to her somehow :\.

Just wanted to put that out there, since I can't really turn to my friends since most are working now. I could use a good emotional ass kicking, but feel free to ignore this too.

 

[Vermillion]

Alright, I'll remember that, guys. And I'm black, Bronze. IDK - I've asked once before, and it worked, but it seems pretty awkward.

Also, damn, Bronze.

 

[YoYo Switch]

Then why did she tell you in the first place if she didn't want you two going out? I don't think that should stop you from going out with her. I think you should ignore her and do it; ultimately, that's gonna make you happy. If that chick likes you and you like her, then it can't be helped; it's attraction.

What's the worst thing that can happen if you go out with her? Her friend is gonna stop talking to you? Big deal. If she really respects you two, then she shouldn't let that ruin a friendship. Unless she likes you too and she's jealous.

Thanks.

I'm really just unsure if I should trust her or not when she's telling me that this girl isn't into me anymore.
My evidence to the contrary is that she told me this a week before I asks her out and she agreed. That and she's really vague about her reasoning. "I can just tell" and "she's become apathetic to guys since so many seem to fall for her" are her reasons.
She said early on she didn't want us getting together, and yea, she has had a thing for me (or still does, she never fails to tell me that she loves me..) but I'm hoping that has gone away since she just recently got a boyfriend.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Just one more thing I suppose:
When a friend of mine told me that this girl liked me, she straight up said "I don't want you two dating each other" this friend is this girls best friend and she said "I don't want my best friends dating each other, it'd be weird"
She took two friends of hers becoming an item pretty hard before, so I'm always weary whenever she tells me that the girl I'm interested in isn't interested anymore.

She told me that she wasn't interested in me, but when I asked her out the next week, she said yes and we went out a few times. Whenever I'd ask her if this girl explicitly said "I don't like him anymore" she'd say "no, I can just tell"
I stopped mentioning her when we started "dating" and I have a feeling she stopped mentioning me too. My friend never really "interrogated" me about this girl until we were at that party.

So my query this time is, should I continue to not trust my friend whenever it comes to this girl? Or, because she's her best friend, should I consider that there may be something to the things she says?

Again, thanks in advance guys.

You can't trust anyone but yourself. It sounds like this 'friend' of yours is scared of you taking her best friend's time away from her. Plus, what kind of ass demands that you not date someone because it will inconvenience their friendship?
Very recently my best friend got super pissed at me because I danced with a girl that she hates (they used to be best friends and blahblah, it's semi legit hate I suppose). You've got to look out for yourself y'know. I didn't back off the girl I was dancing with just because I got some guff from a friend. I back off when I determine disinterest myself.
So yeah, ignore whatever that friend is telling you. Go with what you think. If this girl stops liking you, she'll stop going out with you. And it really shouldn't be too hard to figure it out yourself. It's pretty simple.

EDIT: Oh lol, this friend has a thing you. Guaranteed ignore anything she tells you.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Chiming in with another PoF success story.

I actually had several posts in the last few iterations of this thread, and was at rock bottom for a few months due to issues with my ex and depression. Signed up for PoF last December/January on a whim, went on a few dud dates, met a girl in March, and now we live together.

I had 0 hope of online dating ever working out for me, and it was very discouraging for a few months. But I managed to get lucky and I scored an amazing girl. We're not engaged, but marriage certainly isn't out of the question with her.

There's really no reason to not add PoF to your dating repertoire. Despite my early lack of success, I actually found it much easier and waaaay more convenient than trying to meet girls in class or in public.

Wow thats really impressive, good on you man.

I've had like the complete opposite experience really, with a number of girls.. Just no real long term success at all to speak of. Online dating seems to be really extreme, like one way or the other. I guess you either meet someone who's seriously looking for a relationship and you hit it off, or you meet someone on there for a piss around and you get messed around. Doesn't seem to be any middle ground. I personally now feel its utter garbage and have practically given up on finding somone local using these sites who isn't just fucking around or looking for a quick ego boost tbh.

 

[low-G]

With regards to online dating messaging: Is it a good idea to withhold expressing any romantic interest until during the first date?

On one hand I believe that girls might think you're desperate or trying to pressure them if you come right out saying they're 'hot' or whatever, but one of my female friends showed me what her boyfriend first sent her on a dating site and it was filled with that stuff (also it was corny as shit, which I told her haha). Her opinion is some girls like that some don't.

Personally I usually start off messaging relatively sexless, just asking about interests and all that, but I worry that might be the road to friend zoning.


Oh, gonna tack on a related question: What's your opinion on giving girls complements when they fish for it outside of being in a relationship with you. Example 1: Girl you're chatting with but haven't dated yet. Example 2: Female friend who really has done good things for you, but her boyfriend is the one that should be complementing her...

 

[Vermillion]

Alright, one more question for now.

So, I got a girl's number at a party under kinda false pretenses - I told her I lived at the place... thought she meant on-campus in general, and she immediately gave me her number (I was drunk, didn't know what she meant until after she offered her number - dunno what I could have done there "whoops, I didn't mean here - you can keep your number"?).

So, a while back, two months after I met her, she texts me. I'm like "who is this" and she's like "***** ".

So I'm like "oh shit," and plan to ignore it, but I told my roommate about it, and using his "resume" of the girls he's slept with, he tries to convince me this is a good thing or something like that. She's asking what I'm doing or whatever, and everyone's like "oh, she wants you, blah blah blah." I'm like, bullshit - considering how I met her, she's probably just trying to use me to find a party.

And so I finally consult one of my female friends (mutual friend of my roommate and I), asking her who's right in this situation. And as expected, she agrees with me - chick's probably just looking for a party. Also, my roommate texted the girl while I wasn't paying attention... I think he asked her if she wanted to hang out or some shit like that, and it never got a response. She might have asked what I was doing or something, but I just ignored the texts, hoping to forget the whole thing.

So, who do you think was right - me or my male friends?

 

[yami4ct]

I am sorry you had trouble before, tough shit. You are going to have to sort that out buddy, it's a tough game out there



I say do it, it's fine.

Thanks for the quick reply. I was pretty sure everything was cool, but it feels good to get some reassurance.

One more quick question, how do you guys cut your tension down before actually asking her out? I keep telling myself the worst thing that could happen is she says no, which wouldn't be the end of the world, but that only eases me for like a second. The rational part of my brain knows this is all no big deal, but the irrational part still keeps sending "get the hell out of this situation" signals.

 

[PflargBlarg]

Thanks for the quick reply. I was pretty sure everything was cool, but it feels good to get some reassurance.

One more quick question, how do you guys cut your tension down before actually asking her out? I keep telling myself the worst thing that could happen is she says no, which wouldn't be the end of the world, but that only eases me for like a second. The rational part of my brain knows this is all no big deal, but the irrational part still keeps sending "get the hell out of this situation" signals.

You just gotta ask more girls out until your mind gets used to it. I myself have not asked out a ton of girls but it gets easier every time. Last time, which was...a week ago now I guess, I made myself do it to a girl who I was fairly sure was going to say no any way. She gave me a lameass "I need to think about it" response which might as well be a no but it's not like it went poorly.

You just have to not give a fuck. If she's a nice girl she'll give you a plain 'not interested' or the like, and then you can move on. If some girl gives you shit for asking her out, it's not someone you want to date any way.

 

[MutantCyborg]

Bleh, a bottom post.. oh well...

I have a quick question on approaching a girl that has multiple classes with you. We have been playing eye-tag for the past week, and I didn't make a move because I was taking care of a situation during that time and I didn't want to mess up any chances, unfortunately messing up this chance didn't cross my mind. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow,hopefully all of the classes that we share, unfortunately I need to wait until the end/beginning of each class to do so, as we sit on almost opposite sides of the hall.

Something that is bothering me is, how do you just come up with something to say if nothing weird happens in that class? I usually have no trouble with one of the classes because our professor is extremely quirky and always does something weird that can spark conversations, but I don't have that class today. I know this is more of a social question, but what would be the best approach I can do?

I'm pretty sure I am over thinking this because I caught her first staring at me.

 

[yami4ct]

Bleh, a bottom post.. oh well...

I have a quick question on approaching a girl that has multiple classes with you. We have been playing eye-tag for the past week, and I didn't make a move because I was taking care of a situation during that time and I didn't want to mess up any chances, unfortunately messing up this chance didn't cross my mind. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow,hopefully all of the classes that we share, unfortunately I need to wait until the end/beginning of each class to do so, as we sit on almost opposite sides of the hall.

Something that is bothering me is, how do you just come up with something to say if nothing weird happens in that class? I usually have no trouble with one of the classes because our professor is extremely quirky and always does something weird that can spark conversations, but I don't have that class today. I know this is more of a social question, but what would be the best approach I can do?

I'm pretty sure I am over thinking this because I caught her first staring at me.

I don't have too much experience, but the suggestion I have is just act like you don't understand something and wanted to ask her for some help. You can go from there to set up a study date or something if all goes well.

As for not sitting next to her, if you get to pick your own seats, just sit next to her. Screw where everyone else usually sits. They'll make room with no complaints. That's how I've made my in with a cute girl in my spanish class. I just sat next to her, which inevitability led to us talking, which has pushed me to ask her out tomorrow.

On the subject of over thinking things, our spanish class frequently has group discussion in addition to pair discussion. In the group discussions, the girl I'm going to ask out frequently will instantly push her discussions and questions to me as opposed to talking to any other group members. I'm thinking she's just more comfortable talking to me as we're often discussion partners, but it's nice to read a little more into things.

 

[soultron]

Bleh, a bottom post.. oh well...

I have a quick question on approaching a girl that has multiple classes with you. We have been playing eye-tag for the past week, and I didn't make a move because I was taking care of a situation during that time and I didn't want to mess up any chances, unfortunately messing up this chance didn't cross my mind. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow,hopefully all of the classes that we share, unfortunately I need to wait until the end/beginning of each class to do so, as we sit on almost opposite sides of the hall.

Something that is bothering me is, how do you just come up with something to say if nothing weird happens in that class? I usually have no trouble with one of the classes because our professor is extremely quirky and always does something weird that can spark conversations, but I don't have that class today. I know this is more of a social question, but what would be the best approach I can do?

I'm pretty sure I am over thinking this because I caught her first staring at me.

Why don't you just call her out on it? "Hey, I've noticed you staring at me so I figured I'd introduce myself. I'm MutantCyborg, nice to meet you."

 

[luckyboyceo]

I understand that guys should generally pay for dates in the beginning, but after six months of dating and being official, you'd think it should start to even out a bit, where she would treat dinner and a movie once in a while...

Am I in the wrong here? My ex seems to think so and she almost told me as much, and that "I don't know anything about relationships" because she was my first real relationship that lasted longer than 2-3 months.

Either way, she's officially out of my life now. No facebook, no number, nothing. It took a huge argument, but I finally came to my fucking senses. Only took me 2 years to see that I was with the wrong girl for the wrong reason.

What's a good way to not be even a little upset at pretty much being used as a doormat for a year and a half? I mean looking back on it, I have nothing to show for this relationship besides lack of virginity. I'm going to be a bitch about it for a bit, since she was my first real relationship and I put so much into it and got little in return. Oh the perils of being a high schooler at the time. (for the record, I'm a sophomore in college now). No matter what I do though, everything keeps coming back to her somehow :\.

Just wanted to put that out there, since I can't really turn to my friends since most are working now. I could use a good emotional ass kicking, but feel free to ignore this too.

You're right, after awhile it should even out, or she should at least be offering.

Try not to dwell on that though. Sounds like you're having a hard enough time getting over the situation as it is, last thing you need is another thing to be mad at her about. Ultimately, I think you're starting to realize you're much better off without her. Yes, it's going to be difficult to get used to, but once you do you'll be glad you saved yourself months (even years) of future bullshit. Use this opportunity as a chance to better your life. Start some new hobbies or get back into something you used to enjoy. It'll make you feel better about yourself, and set you up for an even better relationship next time around. Good luck.

Alright, one more question for now.

So, I got a girl's number at a party under kinda false pretenses - I told her I lived at the place... thought she meant on-campus in general, and she immediately gave me her number (I was drunk, didn't know what she meant until after she offered her number - dunno what I could have done there "whoops, I didn't mean here - you can keep your number"?).

So, a while back, two months after I met her, she texts me. I'm like "who is this" and she's like "***** ".

So I'm like "oh shit," and plan to ignore it, but I told my roommate about it, and using his "resume" of the girls he's slept with, he tries to convince me this is a good thing or something like that. She's asking what I'm doing or whatever, and everyone's like "oh, she wants you, blah blah blah." I'm like, bullshit - considering how I met her, she's probably just trying to use me to find a party.

And so I finally consult one of my female friends (mutual friend of my roommate and I), asking her who's right in this situation. And as expected, she agrees with me - chick's probably just looking for a party. Also, my roommate texted the girl while I wasn't paying attention... I think he asked her if she wanted to hang out or some shit like that, and it never got a response. She might have asked what I was doing or something, but I just ignored the texts, hoping to forget the whole thing.

So, who do you think was right - me or my male friends?

Yeah, she was looking for a party. She may have been looking to party with you as well, but the primary objective was to find a party, not to see you.

That's my take on it anyway.

Bleh, a bottom post.. oh well...

I have a quick question on approaching a girl that has multiple classes with you. We have been playing eye-tag for the past week, and I didn't make a move because I was taking care of a situation during that time and I didn't want to mess up any chances, unfortunately messing up this chance didn't cross my mind. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow,hopefully all of the classes that we share, unfortunately I need to wait until the end/beginning of each class to do so, as we sit on almost opposite sides of the hall.

Something that is bothering me is, how do you just come up with something to say if nothing weird happens in that class? I usually have no trouble with one of the classes because our professor is extremely quirky and always does something weird that can spark conversations, but I don't have that class today. I know this is more of a social question, but what would be the best approach I can do?

I'm pretty sure I am over thinking this because I caught her first staring at me.

"Hey, I'm (name). I noticed we had a few classes together." Take it from there. It doesn't HAVE to be that hard.

 

[Laughlin]

So every time we drink together, this friend of mine from high school keeps bringing up the fact that she wanted to make out with me before she started dating this guy that she's been with for a while now.

I don't plan on trying anything (clearly), but I gotta be doing something right, right? lol

 

[MutantCyborg]

Why don't you just call her out on it? "Hey, I've noticed you staring at me so I figured I'd introduce myself. I'm MutantCyborg, nice to meet you."

That is probably the best way to go about it isn't it? Do you think it comes across as arrogant to just make a joke about it, or what?

This is how I was going to do it..(Make a joke about her looking at me) but I over-think things.

 

[Sanky Panky]

JAJA weird ass situation right now on OKCupid...

I broke it off with my girl about two weeks ago, so I decided to browse around OkCupid to see what I'm missing (I don't even want to go on a date with any girls yet, couldn't care less). I find this really cute girl there, and when I look at all the pictures, I realize I've met the girl, and under weird ass circumstances.

Me and my now ex went out with a friend of hers, this skinny guy that we are always trying to find dates for. We are all happy for him. We get to the bar, and lo and behold this cute ass short chick with great pertruding boobies is the girl he was meeting. I had to give props to he guy, but at the same time me and this girl are kind of eyeing each other, but I'm not about to crash his party. The night goes on, they are making out, I'm making out with my girl, but the guy makes the usual mistake of not letting the girl breathe. Even in the line to the girl's bathroom, the guy is out trying to make out with her. I know her type, and I didn't think then that it would last.

Since that night I always wanted to know about her, meet up with her somewhere, etc etc. I just messaged her so let's see how it goes. The first thing I'll have to do is explain why I am messaging her (since she knows I had a girlfriend last time we met). This should be fun.