Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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That reminds me...

I saw a cute girl walking to her car the other day and I was thinking about going up to her but then I saw a pink version of this sticker on the back of her car.

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PASS. :P
 
It's very common where I live.

It's an acronym for "Not of this world".

Wow. Chi Alpha is this Christian student organization that's really popular around here. They seem like a fucking cult. Oddly enough, it seems like they refer to themselves as a fraternity when they get the good things associated with being a fraternity, and then don't for the bad things.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chi_Alpha_Campus_Ministries

These people are nuts.
 
So the girlfriend and I are going well, things are actually moving pretty quickly - which is fine with me. But, some interesting things have happened that I wanna get some opinions on.

I'll use last night/this morning as an example.

We went out to dinner last night (really nice all you can eat Japanese place, yum) and we came back to my place, watched a movie had... fun - and just chilled in bed for a while talking. At one point she got kind of weird, little bit quiet and distant - absolutely nothing brought it on. I asked her if anything was up, she said no, so I dropped it and moved on, an hour later she went home - it was an affectionate goodbye and everything, nothing felt forced.

I stayed up late and slept in, so I woke up at 11am, and I noticed a few texts so I read them, and they're from her asking if I was awake yet. I text back with a good morning, and 30minutes later I get this phone call from her, she's being cute and asking me to guess where she is, while I am guessing I get a knock on the door and it's her - she brought me coffee and breakfast, which was super sweet and random.

She eventually mentions that she felt really bad for last night (I hadn't given it much thought, but apparently she had) - she feels as though by the way she was acting, I might have gotten the wrong impression about how she was feeling and gotten nervous. She wanted to clarify that she wasn't mad, or doubtful about the relationship, or anything negative in regards to us - but that she just suddenly felt overwhelmed with a feeling she couldn't particularly describe. The best she could do was tell me that she's been with plenty of guys, but none as serious as with me, and none of them seemed to care about her and notice the little things she does like I do, and she has never felt nearly as strong about her previous boyfriends as she does about me - and something about that kind of scares her sometimes.

After that, it was all pleasantries, more sex (girl is insatiable) and a quick nap, and she was on her away again - this time showing me about 2x as much affection as the night before. I have an opinion as to what is going on with her, I mean - she was pretty clear, but it would be nice getting the opinion of people not -in- the relationship.
 
I'm going to Sweden with my girlfriend, I'm such a pussy. =/

I'll just try and enjoy it, well knowing, that a brand new Kindle Touch (alongside Tekken Hybrid and RE: Revelaitons) awaits me when I return home.

I dont usually do this, but unfortunately todays techonology has a limited way of expressing the way we feel. So, in an effort to give you an idea of what my reaction was like when I read this post, I'll just post this.


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Pick up your f'in phone and lose this brain terrorist! You wont last long with that attitude. Youre being naive if you dont see where this is going. You'll be a wreck if you dont. She'll swallow every single ounce of value you got and feed the leftovers to rats.


Simple Pickup have their own forum now. This is a post my sort of ex-wingman made about his night out yesterday xD
Linkage

Good report. Shame about the 3-way.
 
I know you're feeling, it's mine as well. =/
I'm actually chatting with her right now. Or, as is, she is chatting with me as I am watching football and all I'm receiving are messages like "i like to spend valentine cause now i'm with you" and a heart symbol and all this puts pressure on me so much, that I kind of see it as a point-of-no-freaking-return stupid me.
 
But is actually asking someone on the day of Valentine a desperate move?
Not necessarily, just know that the general feeling of being single on Valentine's day might play into it. But don't let that stop you, if you want to ask just ask. Guys here have enough worries about approach and confidence, allowing something like v-Day to hang over your head will just make things worse.

Bottom line is: unless you are already in a relationship or you want to use it to your advantange, just forget about it. Let girls worry about Valentine's day. It's their holiday anyway. Ours is next month: march 14th.
 
Not necessarily, just know that the general feeling of being single on Valentine's day might play into it. But don't let that stop you, if you want to ask just ask. Guys here have enough worries about approach and confidence, allowing something like v-Day to hang over your head will just make things worse.

Bottom line is: unless you are already in a relationship or you want to use it to your advantange, just forget about it. Let girls worry about Valentine's day. It's their holiday anyway. Ours is next month: march 14th.

I'm at a loss for what exactly you are talking about here....
 
I know you're feeling, it's mine as well. =/
I'm actually chatting with her right now. Or, as is, she is chatting with me as I am watching football and all I'm receiving are messages like "i like to spend valentine cause now i'm with you" and a heart symbol and all this puts pressure on me so much, that I kind of see it as a point-of-no-freaking-return stupid me.

Youre making one helluva big fucking mistake. We wont help you when you'll be a complete wreck, after she rams every fucking vehicle from trucks to steamers across your remains confidence and self-respect. Youre so weak you'll have yourself to blame for this. Youre already a cadaver of her bidding, but youre too fucking blind and weak to see it.

Tough luck.
 
Ugh. This girl is going to drain all of your energy, man. You need to man up and say "NO!" at some point, its important to surviving in life. You can't let yourself get whipped by a girl!
 
I was approached by a rather attractive girl on the train today.
She was probably around 16, but I still feel flattered, especially because she seemed pretty nervous talking to me.
Maybe a year ago, a loathing or scornful look was the best I'd get from a random girl.

The course of events was kinda weird tho: we were sitting 1-2m away from each other.
From the corner of my eye I saw her checking me out, but I was too nervous & tired to say anything, plus she's about 2-3 years too young for me anyway. After some time, she got dressed and stood up to leave.
I started browsing GAF on my iPhone, and suddenly she reappeared and asked me what band I was listening to.
As soon as I finish my reply, the train stops, she says "Thanks, bye" and hops out.
 
So like two or three months back I was talking to a pretty awesome girl on a dating site but, once it looked like we might end up meeting up for a date, I freaked out and avoided the site, and thus her, entirely. Here's the thing, I'm not afraid of rejection, I'm afraid of the exact opposite. I've never not been rejected but I've never had a girl say "Yes" so I'm obviously troubled with what to do in this scenario and get horribly nervous and bolt. I looked up this girl's profile the other day because I'm still interested but I'm still afraid to say anything and I've had this tab up haunting me for a few days now. =\
 
So like two or three months back I was talking to a pretty awesome girl on a dating site but, once it looked like we might end up meeting up for a date, I freaked out and avoided the site, and thus her, entirely. Here's the thing, I'm not afraid of rejection, I'm afraid of the exact opposite. I've never not been rejected but I've never had a girl say "Yes" so I'm obviously troubled with what to do in this scenario and get horribly nervous and bolt. I looked up this girl's profile the other day because I'm still interested but I'm still afraid to say anything and I've had this tab up haunting me for a few days now. =\
You need to not care and just go with the flow! Be yourself! Don't be afraid of screwing up, because its MUCH-NEEDED experience! Honestly, screwing up can be good sometimes. Ask the girl out and pray that she's forgiven you for disappearing.

scar tissue said:
Train story
Hm, definitely a missed opportunity! You should have done something, man. Even if she was too young for you she could have been your ticket to meet other girls. Its always good to have a new friend.
 
This involves staying at home and yelling at people on the internet.
Do you mean because of my exclamation point? Sorry, wasn't yelling at you at all.

Oh, and: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rd7j-aSqFU (perfect example).

But seriously, go talk to the chick. You need to just go out there and do what you're going to do. It is a good life lesson even if you fail, y'know? Don't be afraid of messing up, the awkwardness goes away really fast.
 
I was approached by a rather attractive girl on the train today.
She was probably around 16, but I still feel flattered, especially because she seemed pretty nervous talking to me.
Maybe a year ago, a loathing or scornful look was the best I'd get from a random girl.

The course of events was kinda weird tho: we were sitting 1-2m away from each other.
From the corner of my eye I saw her checking me out, but I was too nervous & tired to say anything, plus she's about 2-3 years too young for me anyway. After some time, she got dressed and stood up to leave.
I started browsing GAF on my iPhone, and suddenly she reappeared and asked me what band I was listening to.
As soon as I finish my reply, the train stops, she says "Thanks, bye" and hops out.

Eh, I mean what could you have done. she kinda flaked out too by just jumping out.
 
I'm at a loss for what exactly you are talking about here....
Just commenting on Valentine's Day. Some guys use it to their advantage because some girls feel extra vulnerable on that day. But what I was saying was if you're single don't worry about it too much, stress over V-Day can be saved for when you are in a relationship, lol.

Also March 14th.
 
Hoo boy I am glad that girl I've mentioned before had the presence of mind to cut things off with me. She is so not over her ex it's ridiculous. She talks to me pretty frequently still and a number of times its been complaining about how he's a slimeball now, how she's so lonely, a lot of insecurity, and just today she said something about how she's annoyed that she's "only on the 2nd stage of grieving". I really was not aware at the beginning how much she was still dwelling on this.

The rest of the time the messages are like her telling me about funny dreams, or her strange musical tastes, or pictures that she "takes for me" because I've talked with her about photography before. She initiates these conversations every time and they have like a 50/50 chance of heading into flirtatious territory or innuendo.

The emotional dumping ground makes me think I've moved pretty solidly to just being a good friend which I'm fine with, but there are hints that give me the feeling that she's going to try and come back to me whenever she gets over this crap and I honestly don't know what I would do in that situation.
 
That's exactly my problem.

.............. what is wrong with you.

Look, dude, ONE DAY, you are going to regret twiddling your thumb and letting all of these potential connections slip through your fingers! She's just a chick. More than that, she's a chick that might say YES to you going out with her.

You don't have even to be eloquent or whatever. Just send her a message, "Hi. How are you?" etc.
 
.............. what is wrong with you.

Look, dude, ONE DAY, you are going to regret twiddling your thumb and letting all of these potential connections slip through your fingers! She's just a chick. More than that, she's a chick that might say YES to you going out with her.

You don't have even to be eloquent or whatever. Just send her a message, "Hi. How are you?" etc.

dont bother, hes Combines alternate account or something.
 
.............. what is wrong with you.
This is what's wrong with me:
So like two or three months back I was talking to a pretty awesome girl on a dating site but, once it looked like we might end up meeting up for a date, I freaked out and avoided the site, and thus her, entirely. Here's the thing, I'm not afraid of rejection, I'm afraid of the exact opposite. I've never not been rejected but I've never had a girl say "Yes" so I'm obviously troubled with what to do in this scenario and get horribly nervous and bolt. I looked up this girl's profile the other day because I'm still interested but I'm still afraid to say anything and I've had this tab up haunting me for a few days now. =\

Look, dude, ONE DAY, you are going to regret twiddling your thumb and letting all of these potential connections slip through your fingers!
I regret it every day. My entire life is one big regret.

dont bother, hes Combines alternate account or something.
Yeah, I'm not so go fuck yourself.
 
BOLLOCKS!

There is plenty of time at a proper date to see if a girl is into your stuff. He asked for good openers and those are the good topics. Politics and Religion are not good openers, no matter what. I always ask some probe questions to know if the girl is not a religion-nut which is important for me, but not really AS important as you might think.

I've met many many girls that love religion and politics topics. They do. But I have seen them turn dudes down when they lead with that. It's not worth the risk in my opinion. And I work with Computer, Physics and EE PhD girls. Do you what they want out of a night out? Fun.

I don't think that a girl knowing your Turing Machine is really relevant for a relationship. It never is. Besides, talking about that shit nonstop is incredibly self-important. What about her?
I don't doubt that there are girls like that. But I'm looking for someone who is intellectually fearless. Looks don't do it alone for me. If the acquisition of knowledge doesn't motivate her, then she's not going to understand why I'm going to be making $25,000 a year for the next five years, working 7 days a week.

First - not an atheist? Deal-breaker for me. It means she doesn't think critically and logically about life.

Second, I like a girl that can hold her own in an argument, if it comes up.

Third, my ideal night out (or in) is coffee and philosophical discussions, board games, or video games. So yeah, that's the kind of person I'm looking for.

I'm not expecting her to know my field of study, but I'm expecting her to be mildly interested, or at least understand it enough to make some conclusion from it and segue into her interests. I'll do the same.

On my first date, she's pursuing a PhD in psychology, and I'm pursuing a PhD in AI. You think I'm going to say, "Well, I work with computers. I've just been setting up some audio equipment in the lab." ? No, I'm going to say, "I'm working on how to make computers learn language as children do, and we actually do read psychology papers to get inspiration on how humans learn. I've got an idea of representing concepts in high-dimensional space. Here, let me demonstrate with this napkin..."

After that, I can ask about her field of research, etc. And we talked about depression, eating disorders, which are terrible first-date topics, but it tied into our pasts, so we learned so much about each other. Not only that, but she learns about my compassion for people with those illnesses.

Never once did I feel nervous, because I just had to be myself.

Intelligence is my most attractive trait, and there are a number of women that are very attracted to it (there's even a word for it: sapiosexual). I'll be damned if I don't flaunt it.
 
This is what's wrong with me:



I regret it every day. My entire life is one big regret.

I am kinda in your situation. Here, i'll give you best fucking advice anyone's given you so far here, cause most of the shit people throw around here don't apply cause they don't have a clue and it won't really help you. They live in their own bubbles.

You meeting up with someone is going to be a torturous event. You will be nervous and you'll be miserable, probably on days where the meetup won't even take place. It won't just be the first time, or the second, but subsequent times after that. People say the point of dates is to have fun blah blah don't sweat anything, well those people aren't feeling what you are so they don't know. They think they got to where they are cause they aren't a little bitch like you. They ignore the other factors that go along with it.

So you have to ask yourself, at what point in your life will the feeling of complete solitude and non-existent companionship start to weigh down more than the (hopefully) temporary feelings of torture that you will endure on some dates?

Most people have friends that help them do this for them. Shove them into uncomfortable situations and then try and help them out. If you have those take advantage, if not it's just gonna take more effort and misery on your part.
 
guys a girl might be coming to my hosue this week wot do i do what do i do!!!

Watch Girl With The Dragon Tattoo with her. It'll go over really well and put her in the mood.

And, with that, Kinggi is on my ignore list. Hope you change your tune one day, my friend. You do nothing but complain in this thread, you don't try anything, and now you're trying to poison someone else with your shitty attitude. You're actually worse than Combine used to be. We've tried countless times to give you advice but you don't listen. You're both exhausting and depressing. Please seek help.

Good luck on your date LBceo! Have fun!
 
Watch Girl With The Dragon Tattoo with her. It'll go over really well and put her in the mood.
This. I forget who it was that did that, but that was a hilarious story.

Have my date tonight. Super excited. Not trying to get ahead of myself here, but I feel really good about this one.
 
^^

Good luck dude! She's probably as anxious about it as you are, so, just keep calm and pretend to listen during the convo. Chicks love it when they think you're listening to whatever it is they are saying.
 
Good luck dude! Just nod and ask the occasional question. ;)

Anyway another valentines, and another year alone.

It's negative to think like this, but with every day going by I feel more and more hopeless.
 
Good luck dude! Just nod and ask the occasional question. ;)

Anyway another valentines, and another year alone.

It's negative to think like this, but with every day going by I feel more and more hopeless.

You're just feeling the pressure of Valentine's day, it's natural. It's just another day.

I'm in a relationship and I still hate Valetine's, if that makes you feel any better.
 
Just commenting on Valentine's Day. Some guys use it to their advantage because some girls feel extra vulnerable on that day. But what I was saying was if you're single don't worry about it too much, stress over V-Day can be saved for when you are in a relationship, lol.

Also March 14th.

You make it sound like some kind of weird, shady incentive :/
 
Eh, I mean what could you have done. she kinda flaked out too by just jumping out.

Yeah, for once I'm not chastising myself too much for missing a chance
She was nervous so she bailed. Understandable, lol. And as I said, she looked a bit too young - but then again looks can be deceiving.

Anyway, I'll add it to the list of stuff happening that almost makes me believe that there is hope for me after all. A year ago, I was at rock bottom, and although girls still ignore me in most situations, I'm pretty sure at least 5 girls showed some indicators of interest in the last 6 months. I'd say that's one hell of an improvement.

oh and +1 for fuck valentine's day. forever alone day :(
 
I'm pretty sure at least 5 girls showed some indicators of interest in the last 6 months. I'd say that's one hell of an improvement.

The crazy thing is those are the ones you know about. There are girls out there who're interested when they see (or talk to) you but you wouldn't even know it unless you asked them for their number.
 
Would it be a huge dick move to break up with someone right before Valentines day? I've been seeing a girl for a few months now and it's just not going anywhere and I just wanna enjoy being single again.
 
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