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[Hypereides]

You. Yeah. You dude above PXG. Put some more paragraphs on that . Im getting a headache.

 

[BronzeWolf]

Flakey bitch makes the whole female gender look awful bad

Dude! I know EXACTLY what you went through. 3 years of drama with this bitch? More like FIVE. Exactly the same shit. Let me tell you something from bro to bro.

There are good girls out there that won't do this shit.


That is important. Please don't stop trusting girls. This one bitch is not a reflection of what girls can be! Forget about her, she doesn't deserve a millisecond of your thought-time. You should thank your friends for taking that picture for you and telling you on the spot. I wish someone did that for me...

What do you do now?
You forget this bitch with the passion of a thousand suns. Relationships are built on trust and respect. She hasn't earned an ounce of truth and has not respected enough to be a force of good in your life. You want to be with a girl that makes you feel secure, appreciated and confident. Tell me, do you feel that way with that girl? Did you EVER feel that way with this girl?The answer most likely is NO, and that is enough of a reason to drop her from your life. You DO NOT look like an idiot. You did what GOOD people do, and that is, give a good relationship a shoot. She dishonored you, but mostly herself. Who is going to want to be with her now that everybody knows what she did? She has more problems than you do, TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.

 

[Sadetar]

For me it would be, vinyl records, bringing some boxwine to the old victorian neighbourhood of Copenhagen for a stroll, which has this retro, humble and openminded feel to it (Read: Hipster central) and grab some hamburgers at a deserted busstop. Talk. Have some laughs, Flirt.

But youre here representing the fairer sex, why dont you suggest some ideas for the other fellas.

Spoiler

Aside from accepting chocolate from strangers. That could wrong. Or right? Im kidding! No Im not?

Vinyl records should always melt the girls heart, if that doesn't happen, it is the girls fault, not the vinyl records.

And all in all your idea of spontaneous is actually very decent, but I personally don't like wine. I know, I am a failure to humankind. But that should be quite perfect to any decent girl I am familiar with.

I btw most likely suck really badly what comes to suggestions around this topic. I mean sure, they would work perfectly for me, but I am not at all that sure of the typical representative of my gender.

If someone asks me out for a walk on a beautiful winter day and the proposal would also include hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls, I would be all into it. Also the same on any decent autumn day would be a blast. Variations to summer and spring also surely exist, if it isn't too hot on those particular days (I like to sweat only when doing some certain activities and I burn easily).

I am pretty sure, you can ask any girl to go shopping with you. It doesn't matter are you looking things for her or you or both. If it would be me and there would be some old parts in the town, I also wouldn't have anything against for a nice roaming on those particular parts without any particular meaning.

Also aquariums and museums are awesome places to just randomly visit.

And always if you bake something sweet that turns out to be edible and ask her to your place to have a cup of tea is seriously a brilliant idea. It works. It actually shows many good things to the girl about you, like you have actually made something yourself for her, used hopefully time to figure out what she likes, managed to cook/bake something delicious, used time in the kitchen, showed you are also able to do your own dishes, showed you appreciate some quality home time together and you can also at the same time show to her what kind of furnishings you have and she sees what style of a person you are at home. I heartily recommend this.

 

[Jackben]

reptile medusa girl mind games and plays me

Zazrx that girl is a reptile. Drop that shit now. She fooled you twice, don't let it happen a third time. The only reason she came back to you the second time was because she saw you were improving and getting better, and regretted losing hot shit such as yourself.

I anticipate if things don't work with this mystery out of town guy she'll come crawling back to you like the snake she is. Don't fall for it.

Not even a pity fuck my friend. Stonewall that bitch.

 

[grumble]

Read it.

Cut her out of your life, you're her backup. She's treated you very poorly.

In the future, you should probably come on stronger as interested only in romance. Do not be in the grey area between friends and a couple, and if she puts you there explain that you aren't interested and find someone else.

 

[Hypereides]

dilemma time, brace yourselves, wall of text incoming.

you guys say you don't want to assist with people trying to move up from the friend zone. that is great! i am trying to get INTO the friend zone though, because I feel that is better than the nothing i feel at this point. my love life is confusing. i feel like a romance author from the 19th century to be honest with you. anyway, here is the tl;dr version of my gripping saga:
beginning of senior year in high school - befriend a girl. i find her cute, but don't really have high expectations or anything.
a month passes and we talk in class. all the fucking time. then *she* adds me on facebook. then *she* begins to start facebook messaging me a lot. then *she* gives me *her* number. she has taken all of the initiative at this point.
we text and talk on facebook all the fucking time. we talk in class all the time. good friends you can say.
valentine's day 2011 comes around. a guy i don't know visits her at work and brings her flowers and shit and asks her on a date. she texts me almost immediately about this, how she said yes, etc etc. at this point i really don't have much more than friendly feelings for her. as the week goes on however, she completely pulls this guys heart out, rips it in half, and then shreds both halves. she simply ignores all of his texts and posts. at the time, i don't care too much.
she starts talking to me about another guy she is interested in. doesn't have any effect on us.
summer comes. i move away to start school in the summer. we text all the time still. she then confides in me that she is scared shitless to start school, scared to meet new people, etc.
school starts. the day the semester starts, we stop talking. for months. i know it is normal for people to grow apart, but this just happened so sudden. at first i didn't mind too much. the first time i saw her on campus, she ran over to me and gave me a big hug. i thought everything would be fine - until i didn't see her until late October. After that? I didn't talk to her until last Thursday when I saw her in the dining hall and decided I was going to go talk to her. And things seemed alright. Sunday afternoon I woke up late and texted her asking her if she wanted to go to lunch or something, but she said she had already eaten. alright. today i saw her at breakfast and we talked for a few minutes, nothing major.
here is my problem. i feel like she was ignoring me all this time. if she was, i'd rather her just come out and admit it rather than play me like a fool. i'm at the point where i think next time she logs on to facebook, i am going to message her to explain why she feels we fell apart in her honest opinion, and then i am going to explain how i am a pure pessimist, and i felt like she was ignoring me, like she had done to other guys in the past(something i never worried about happening to me, because obviously i just have to be different *sigh*). i want answers asap. i don't want to wait another day not knowing what the hell happened. i want to know if she was mad at me and what i did to turn her off. i can't ask to meet her in person tomorrow, seems to tacky being valentine's day. that right there would probably raise alarms in her head, and i don't want it to be a date if we do this. i want to vent to her about how much of a headfuck she has been, and how i just need answers.

so gaf, please advise

Uh, dude. You are in the friendzone. Shes just crazy, and youre her drama girlfriend. Cut ties if its way over your border.

Also. Paragraphs. Learn 'em. Use 'em. You wont get enough of 'em. That stuff can even make the most misspelled text look sexy.

 

[PflargBlarg]

dilemma time, brace yourselves, wall of text incoming.

you guys say you don't want to assist with people trying to move up from the friend zone. that is great! i am trying to get INTO the friend zone though, because I feel that is better than the nothing i feel at this point. my love life is confusing. i feel like a romance author from the 19th century to be honest with you. anyway, here is the tl;dr version of my gripping saga:
beginning of senior year in high school - befriend a girl. i find her cute, but don't really have high expectations or anything.
a month passes and we talk in class. all the fucking time. then *she* adds me on facebook. then *she* begins to start facebook messaging me a lot. then *she* gives me *her* number. she has taken all of the initiative at this point.
we text and talk on facebook all the fucking time. we talk in class all the time. good friends you can say.
valentine's day 2011 comes around. a guy i don't know visits her at work and brings her flowers and shit and asks her on a date. she texts me almost immediately about this, how she said yes, etc etc. at this point i really don't have much more than friendly feelings for her. as the week goes on however, she completely pulls this guys heart out, rips it in half, and then shreds both halves. she simply ignores all of his texts and posts. at the time, i don't care too much.
she starts talking to me about another guy she is interested in. doesn't have any effect on us.
summer comes. i move away to start school in the summer. we text all the time still. she then confides in me that she is scared shitless to start school, scared to meet new people, etc.
school starts. the day the semester starts, we stop talking. for months. i know it is normal for people to grow apart, but this just happened so sudden. at first i didn't mind too much. the first time i saw her on campus, she ran over to me and gave me a big hug. i thought everything would be fine - until i didn't see her until late October. After that? I didn't talk to her until last Thursday when I saw her in the dining hall and decided I was going to go talk to her. And things seemed alright. Sunday afternoon I woke up late and texted her asking her if she wanted to go to lunch or something, but she said she had already eaten. alright. today i saw her at breakfast and we talked for a few minutes, nothing major.
here is my problem. i feel like she was ignoring me all this time. if she was, i'd rather her just come out and admit it rather than play me like a fool. i'm at the point where i think next time she logs on to facebook, i am going to message her to explain why she feels we fell apart in her honest opinion, and then i am going to explain how i am a pure pessimist, and i felt like she was ignoring me, like she had done to other guys in the past(something i never worried about happening to me, because obviously i just have to be different *sigh*). i want answers asap. i don't want to wait another day not knowing what the hell happened. i want to know if she was mad at me and what i did to turn her off. i can't ask to meet her in person tomorrow, seems to tacky being valentine's day. that right there would probably raise alarms in her head, and i don't want it to be a date if we do this. i want to vent to her about how much of a headfuck she has been, and how i just need answers.

so gaf, please advise

So to be clear on this, you're saying you're not interested in this girl? It just sounds like you're way more invested in whatever your relationship is than she is.

 

[BronzeWolf]

you guys say you don't want to assist with people trying to move up from the friend zone. that is great!

Most people fall into the FriendZone by mistake. Getting out of the FZ requires skills most people don't have. I can get out of a FZ quite fucking easily, but you most likely can. So let's see.

i am trying to get INTO the friend zone though, because I feel that is better than the nothing i feel at this point

Friendship from a friendzoned is hypocrite. So being a hypocrite is better now? Don't think so.

she starts talking to me about another guy she is interested in. doesn't have any effect on us.

LOL bro, you were her girlfriend

she then confides in me that she is scared shitless to start school, scared to meet new people, etc.

you were her girlfriend

here is my problem. i feel like she was ignoring me all this time. if she was, i'd rather her just come out and admit it rather than play me like a fool. i'm at the point where i think next time she logs on to facebook, i am going to message her to explain why she feels we fell apart in her honest opinion, i want answers asap.

The cut to the chase "damn you girl, are you ignoring me? yes or no?" post that on her facebook wall. Don't be gentle, she does not deserve gentle.

Also, you got to realize that in this girl's mind, you don't have a penis

 

[Jackben]

Yeah, that is textbook friendzone Lkr. You were in it the entire time. /shyamalan

No girl tells a guy she has romantic interest in things like that.

 

[grumble]

Uh, dude. You are in the friendzone. Shes just crazy, and youre her drama girlfriend.

Also what is it with the 'what did I do wrong' stuff? You didn't do anything wrong, she did. Don't apologize for anything, stand up for yourself.

Most likely she's at school meeting new people, changing rapidly and shifting her social life around. You should do the same and downgrade your friendship with this girl since it's clearly not important to her.

Also, why the friendzone? If you want to fuck her, then be a man and tell her. She says no then you know and you can move on. Either way you'll be honest to yourself and her, and you can either shack up or move on.

 

[ianp622]

That sounds worse than friendzone. It doesn't sound like she's a very good friend.

 

[Sadetar]

Dude! I know EXACTLY what you went through. 3 years of drama with this bitch? More like FIVE. Exactly the same shit. Let me tell you something from bro to bro.

There are good girls out there that won't do this shit.


That is important. Please don't stop trusting girls. This one bitch is not a reflection of what girls can be! Forget about her, she doesn't deserve a millisecond of your thought-time. You should thank your friends for taking that picture for you and telling you on the spot. I wish someone did that for me...

What do you do now?
You forget this bitch with the passion of a thousand suns. Relationships are built on trust and respect. She hasn't earned an ounce of truth and has not respected enough to be a force of good in your life. You want to be with a girl that makes you feel secure, appreciated and confident. Tell me, do you feel that way with that girl? Did you EVER feel that way with this girl?The answer most likely is NO, and that is enough of a reason to drop her from your life. You DO NOT look like an idiot. You did what GOOD people do, and that is, give a good relationship a shoot. She dishonored you, but mostly herself. Who is going to want to be with her now that everybody knows what she did? She has more problems than you do, TRUST ME ON THIS ONE.

Zazrx, my advice is to listen this smart lad in here. He has many good points written in way better way that I could manage to do now (5.30 am).

 

[Sanky Panky]

zazrx, I think we've all been through a flaky bitch that only uses you for attention. Stand your ground, have some dignity, and don't give her another chance. Whatever rose-colored tinted glasses you have on, take them off, and see this girl for the trash she is. You have her on such a high pedestal, and she's out there hooking up (probably getting banged and ravaged) by other dudes, while she has you as the back-up plan. Have some respect for yourself and move on.

 

[grumble]

Question:

I've been dating a girl for about ten months. We're pretty crazy about each other. I got her some swarovski studs, she made me a handwritten poster telling me how much she loves me, and a card. We both kind of got ahead of Valentine's Day with that.

Anyhow, I have a card and a stuffed animal, I'm thinking about sneaking into work early (we work in the same office), and planting it on her desk so she finds it when she gets there. Is this too much? Don't want to be going over-the-top here, because I know from experience that doting on a girl ends badly.

 

[Sanky Panky]

Question:

I've been dating a girl for about ten months. We're pretty crazy about each other. I got her some swarovski studs, she made me a handwritten poster telling me how much she loves me, and a card. We both kind of got ahead of Valentine's Day with that.

Anyhow, I have a card and a stuffed animal, I'm thinking about sneaking into work early (we work in the same office), and planting it on her desk so she finds it when she gets there. Is this too much? Don't want to be going over-the-top here, because I know from experience that doting on a girl ends badly.

You've been together for 10 months. Games should be over by now, and you should be able to do what you want to treat her right. I see no problem there.

 

[Sadetar]

Question:

I've been dating a girl for about ten months. We're pretty crazy about each other. I got her some swarovski studs, she made me a handwritten poster telling me how much she loves me, and a card. We both kind of got ahead of Valentine's Day with that.

Anyhow, I have a card and a stuffed animal, I'm thinking about sneaking into work early (we work in the same office), and planting it on her desk so she finds it when she gets there. Is this too much? Don't want to be going over-the-top here, because I know from experience that doting on a girl ends badly.

With those ten months I would say you can do it. I am pretty sure she will be just thrilled to pieces. She is yours, so you can do as much as you want to keep/make her happy.

Oh and now I am just stupidly smiling and being generally happy for you. ^__^

 

[Bit-Bit]

Damn, zazrx. That girl sounded like she was just using you on the side while she tried to get with other guys.

 

[Jackben]

I may have a date with a new OkCupid girl this Saturday at a local art museum. I told her I would ask her for tomorrow night if I thought they were open, just so we could both get away from the V-day drama. Oddly enough, she asked me if I smoke "even though I know it says you don't on your profile", and I said nah because I'm really not. I guess a lot of people lie on their profile?

 

[Hypereides]

Agreed.

Spoiler

Can I now have some?

Now, youre just being needy.

 

[whitehawk]

So the other day I got the cheek from a girl when I tried to kiss her after a date =/ I laughed it off on the way home, but then I got a text from her apologizing for the awkwardness, and that she was just nervous. Really? I don't know, she's a nice girl but that cheek thing really turned me off. Now she wants to go out again and I really have no idea if I want to or not.

 

[demon]

So the other day I got the cheek from a girl when I tried to kiss her after a date =/ I laughed it off on the way home, but then I got a text from her apologizing for the awkwardness, and that she was just nervous. Really? I don't know, she's a nice girl but that cheek thing really turned me off.

Ugh, the cheek.

I hate the cheek.

 

[grumble]

So the other day I got the cheek from a girl when I tried to kiss her after a date =/ I laughed it off on the way home, but then I got a text from her apologizing for the awkwardness, and that she was just nervous. Really? I don't know, she's a nice girl but that cheek thing really turned me off. Now she wants to go out again and I really have no idea if I want to or not.

Meh, if she sent you the text then she didn't want to put you off. Give it one more shot, make sure to emphasize physical contact during the date, and give the kissing another shot. If she isn't really up for it then, move on.

 

[Hylian7]

I know it's not over yet, but I completely forgot GAF's advice to me yesterday when I went to Target today. She was nowhere to be seen and I forgot to ask around. Fuck. Maybe I'll go back tomorrow, I don't know at this point.

 

[pgtl_10]

I guess this thread is perfect for my rant and more importantly for more advice:

I feel that everytime I've asked a woman in the past four years, I end up having them hate me and want to avoid me.

What's worse is that I feel that even women who have acquaintance with want to avoid me. I feel the most hated person alive and I don't understand what I did wrong.

I don't want to try anymore because I feel I just have more women hate me and make me feel even more miserable.

Women could sense I never had a date and automatically that puts me at a disadvantage. At 27, I hate/fear lonely but at the same time the amount of therapists I've been to makes me no longer want to torture myself trying again.

I'm a terrible conversationalist and at the same time I'm terrible at telling women what I want. I'm even afraid of a woman telling me yes because I have no idea what to do next. Whenever I see a woman who might flirt or show some interest I shy away from it like a reflex. I don't know how to get to start let alone how to keep interest going.

This one topic has made me mentally ill all these years and it is self torture.

 

[grumble]

Thanks for the advice guys, I'll do the stuffed animal thing. Got a nice meal planned too for after work (that she knows about).

Will probably tone it down a little afterwards though, don't want to suddenly start getting clingy or something! As much as I love spoiling her and showering her with gifts, it can kind of get taken for granted if you overdo it, you know?

 

[btrboyev]

First date sex...is it a bad sign? Too soon? It happened with a girl this weekend and I'm not sure what to think...it wasn't expected and I really liked her. I read horror stories about it. Need the GAF outlook.

 

[Hypereides]

I guess this thread is perfect for my rant and more importantly for more advice:

I feel that everytime I've asked a woman in the past four years, I end up having them hate me and want to avoid me.

What's worse is that I feel that even women who have acquaintance with want to avoid me. I feel the most hated person alive and I don't understand what I did wrong.

I don't want to try anymore because I feel I just have more women hate me and make me feel even more miserable.

Women could sense I never had a date and automatically that puts me at a disadvantage. At 27, I hate/fear lonely but at the same time the amount of therapists I've been to makes me no longer want to torture myself trying again.

I'm a terrible conversationalist and at the same time I'm terrible at telling women what I want. I'm even afraid of a woman telling me yes because I have no idea what to do next. Whenever I see a woman who might flirt or show some interest I shy away from it like a reflex. I don't know how to get to start let alone how to keep interest going.

This one topic has made me mentally ill all these years and it is self torture.

First, get some friends. Start socializing. Build yourself a trustworthy social network. Meet new people.

Get some social skills and experience. And no, girls cant directly sense stuff like that unless youre telling her it blatantly obvious.

Theres a saying.

"Fake it, till you make it"

I'd say that would work best for you. You gotta start somewhere.

Vinyl records should always melt the girls heart, if that doesn't happen, it is the girls fault, not the vinyl records.

And all in all your idea of spontaneous is actually very decent, but I personally don't like wine. I know, I am a failure to humankind. But that should be quite perfect to any decent girl I am familiar with.

I btw most likely suck really badly what comes to suggestions around this topic. I mean sure, they would work perfectly for me, but I am not at all that sure of the typical representative of my gender.

If someone asks me out for a walk on a beautiful winter day and the proposal would also include hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls, I would be all into it. Also the same on any decent autumn day would be a blast. Variations to summer and spring also surely exist, if it isn't too hot on those particular days (I like to sweat only when doing some certain activities and I burn easily).

I am pretty sure, you can ask any girl to go shopping with you. It doesn't matter are you looking things for her or you or both. If it would be me and there would be some old parts in the town, I also wouldn't have anything against for a nice roaming on those particular parts without any particular meaning.

Also aquariums and museums are awesome places to just randomly visit.

And always if you bake something sweet that turns out to be edible and ask her to your place to have a cup of tea is seriously a brilliant idea. It works. It actually shows many good things to the girl about you, like you have actually made something yourself for her, used hopefully time to figure out what she likes, managed to cook/bake something delicious, used time in the kitchen, showed you are also able to do your own dishes, showed you appreciate some quality home time together and you can also at the same time show to her what kind of furnishings you have and she sees what style of a person you are at home. I heartily recommend this.

Im sure some of the chaps will appreciate a womans perspective. Some of these are good suggestions. Ive tried some of them.

 

[whitehawk]

She lives at an all girls residence... So I'm wondering if that has to do with it.

Ugh, the cheek.

I hate the cheek.

It was possible the most awkward moment of my life.

 

[grumble]

First date sex...is it a bad sign? Too soon? It happened with a girl this weekend and I'm not sure what to think...it wasn't expected and I really liked her. I read horror stories about it. Need the GAF outlook.

In general, if a girl sleeps with me on the first date I'd assume that she was hookup material and not girlfriend material. A girlfriend would generally imply more commitment before you get frisky (and on an unrelated note I'd probably value her more).

 

[Sanky Panky]

First date sex...is it a bad sign? Too soon? It happened with a girl this weekend and I'm not sure what to think...it wasn't expected and I really liked her. I read horror stories about it. Need the GAF outlook.

If you end up dating this girl long-term, it comes down to trust. I've had it happen to me, and while I want to be with someone who is not afraid to act on her emotions, you'll be thinking in the back of your mind if she does this with most guys she dates. If you are not concerned, it's all good.

pgtl_10, what activities do you like doing? what do you think you are good at doing? what are you most proud of about yourself?

 

[Hypereides]

First date sex...is it a bad sign? Too soon? It happened with a girl this weekend and I'm not sure what to think...it wasn't expected and I really liked her. I read horror stories about it. Need the GAF outlook.

Youre overthinking it. This girl is probably really into you. I never judge girls/women by sex on the first night. They obviously did it because they wanted to.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

So the other day I got the cheek from a girl when I tried to kiss her after a date =/ I laughed it off on the way home, but then I got a text from her apologizing for the awkwardness, and that she was just nervous. Really? I don't know, she's a nice girl but that cheek thing really turned me off. Now she wants to go out again and I really have no idea if I want to or not.

Maybe her breath was bad. Crack a joke about that, and give it another shot.

 

[pgtl_10]

First, get some friends. Start socializing. Build yourself a trustworthy social network. Meet new people.

Get some social skills and experience. And no, girls cant directly sense stuff like that unless youre telling her it blatantly obvious.

Theres a saying.

"Fake it, till you make it"

I'd say that would work for you. You gotta start somewhere.

I actually thought about that getting some friends part. I work full time and go to law school part time and almost done so I should have more time on my hands. I honestly don't know where to begin though. I mean where do I go to make friends?

I also want to sell my house. Long story short I want to clear my name on the house and cut the cord with my parents. This may sound hard to believe but I'm actually trying to kick my parents out of the country. Sounds mean but it is necessary. They mooch off of me and took advantage of me. In many ways it is probably my greatest obstacle.

BTW what does the bolded part mean?

 

[Bladenic]

So dunno if anyone remembers but a while back I posted about not wanting to date this girl who was really into me. Well for various inexplicable reasons (I probably liked the attention) I've been talking to her continuously since then, went on a few dates, parties, etc. Even though I'm not extremely attracted to her (she's like a 6/7 tops) I really like her otherwise. I also talked to her and told her I don't actually want a serious committed relationship and she said she was cool with it, she doesn't like labels, blah blah blah.

And she wants it. Badly. Like I could say "let's fuck and let me tape it" and she probably wouldn't care. But I've avoided tapping that (and it's been hard... trust me) because some of my bros and a few close friends that are girls been telling me that if we have sex, she'll start thinking it's going to be more serious and that it's all gonna blow up, etc.

What does GAF think? My fraternity is having a date party and I've invited her since I didn't feel like finding another date, and that seems like the perfect time to hit it. Or Friday when I'm taking her out to dinner for V-Day (a bit late because of my exams). But I definitely don't want sex to complicate things. What should I do?

 

[Hypereides]

BTW what does the bolded part mean?

"Ive never been on a date before."

"This is new to me."

"I really suck at dating"

Stuff like this. Dont let them know, since it will damper the mood into pessimism or negativity.

 

[pgtl_10]

If you end up dating this girl long-term, it comes down to trust. I've had it happen to me, and while I want to be with someone who is not afraid to act on her emotions, you'll be thinking in the back of your mind if she does this with most guys she dates. If you are not concerned, it's all good.

pgtl_10, what activities do you like doing? what do you think you are good at doing? what are you most proud of about yourself?

Hmm.. I read, I always to take cooking lessons but my schedule is too busy. I work full time and go to school part time. I've skydived and want to go whitewater rafting. I have thought about going to live theater but I'm not sure if I'll like it. I probably can find a few more I like when I look.

I'm not a night club person though. Can't stand loud music or any of that scene.

 

[grumble]

So dunno if anyone remembers but a while back I posted about not wanting to date this girl who was really into me. Well for various inexplicable reasons (I probably liked the attention) I've been talking to her continuously since then, went on a few dates, parties, etc. Even though I'm not extremely attracted to her (she's like a 6/7 tops) I really like her otherwise. I also talked to her and told her I don't actually want a serious committed relationship and she said she was cool with it, she doesn't like labels, blah blah blah.

And she wants it. Badly. Like I could say "let's fuck and let me tape it" and she probably wouldn't care. But I've avoided tapping that (and it's been hard... trust me) because some of my bros and a few close friends that are girls been telling me that if we have sex, she'll start thinking it's going to be more serious and that it's all gonna blow up, etc.

What does GAF think? My fraternity is having a date party and I've invited her since I didn't feel like finding another date, and that seems like the perfect time to hit it. Or Friday when I'm taking her out to dinner for V-Day (a bit late because of my exams). But I definitely don't want sex to complicate things. What should I do?

I'd say taking her out for dinner for V-Day is a bigger deal than sleeping with her, if you want to keep things casual. If you want to keep things casual, sleep with her and do not sleep over.

I'm personally not a big proponent of casual sex though; what I'd do is find someone I really wanted to be with and be with them, physically and emotionally.

 

[pgtl_10]

"Ive never been on a date before."

"This is new to me."

"I really suck at dating"

Stuff like this. Dont let them know, since it will damper the mood into pessimism or negativity.

Yeah I'm not that stupid but honestly I've had people literally figure out I've never been on a date or know I'm virgin without me saying a thing. That's why I believe people can sense something wrong.

Also I've had people throughout my life laugh when it comes to me and women. On Valentine's day in high school I remember a classmate remarked that the boys should bring all the girls flowers including (my name). The class laughed. Another time in law school I remember two guys talking about how hot a one woman was and I chimed in an agreement and one guy commented even he checks her out.

I've had people on two different jobs figure out I was virgin. I guess people can sense something.

 

[Sanky Panky]

Hmm.. I read, I always to take cooking lessons but my schedule is too busy. I work full time and go to school part time. I've skydived and want to go whitewater rafting. I have thought about going to live theater but I'm not sure if I'll like it. I probably can find a few more I like when I look.

I'm not a night club person though. Can't stand loud music or any of that scene.

There is your answer. You have a bunch of stuff that you could share with people. Once your time frees up, go on excursions with groups that do white water rafting (or other outdoors stuff). Try out a local theater group or an acting class. Join a book club.

It doesn't matter if you don't like loud clubs. You can meet someone in any of those activities, and you'd be surprised how easy it is to attract people if you are genuinely having fun in what you are doing. If you are passionate about something, someone is bound to notice. Don't worry about approaching girls. You won't have to think of what to say with the girl you are supposed to be with.

As far as people sensing you are a virgin, is probably that you show anxiety. The minute you stop pressuring yourself into finding a girl, is the minute you won't give off the creep vibe. Also, if you are not taking care of your appearance, that's also a start. It will boost your confidence.

 

[Hypereides]

Yeah I'm not that stupid but honestly I've had people literally figure out I've never been on a date or know I'm virgin without me saying a thing. That's why I believe people can sense something wrong.

Well apparently youre giving away some signs. Could be your body language. Hells if I know.

 

[scotcheggz]

About a year ago I broke up From a pretty committed relationship, lived together, thoughts on marriage etc. and on one hand I'm starting to feel its time to get back in the game. I restarted an old okcupid profile I had and I've been speaking to women in the real world also, but I've not really been feeling it. Friends of mine all tell me that once I go on one date I'll get with the flow, but I keep letting things fade out on okcupid and never really put my heart into chatting in pubs. I've had a few conversations on okcupid with girls that I've been pretty interested in, but it always seems to go flat, how long generally do you let things go before you start moving things into real life? I think I'm leaving it too long and I think it's not helping at all with my general lack of enthusiasm for it all.

Basically, the idea seems great, but in practice I'm being a bit shit. I'm 30 and this all seems much harder than when I was 21, surely that's all wrong? lol

Edit: this was all a bit LJ... Main question in there that I intended to ask was how long you guys generally leave it to start getting things moving on OKC?

 

[CF_Fighter]

So yea, follow-up to my earlier post. I'm gonna cook her dinner tomorrow night, make drinks, and dance to some old jazz records at my place. See where the evening takes us.

 

[Hypereides]

So yea, follow-up to my earlier post. I'm gonna cook her dinner tomorrow night, make drinks, and dance to some old jazz records at my place. See where the evening takes us.

I like this part! But I'd rather not dance to increase the sexual tension.

 

[pgtl_10]

There is your answer. You have a bunch of stuff that you could share with people. Once your time frees up, go on excursions with groups that do white water rafting (or other outdoors stuff). Try out a local theater group or an acting class. Join a book club.

It doesn't matter if you don't like loud clubs. You can meet someone in any of those activities, and you'd be surprised how easy it is to attract people if you are genuinely having fun in what you are doing. If you are passionate about something, someone is bound to notice. Don't worry about approaching girls. You won't have to think of what to say with the girl you are supposed to be with.

As far as people sensing you are a virgin, is probably that you show anxiety. The minute you stop pressuring yourself into finding a girl, is the minute you won't give off the creep vibe. Also, if you are not taking care of your appearance, that's also a start. It will boost your confidence.

Clothing has not been a problem for me since I'm pretty cleanly dressed everyday. I don't know if I show anxiety. Not to co-workers I think it has more to do with that I don't talk about relationships. I even told a co-worker recently when she asked if I never had a girlfriend that I don't really to talk about it. I feel that my typical being quiet about such things is some sort of sign.

 

[The Broken Ska Record]

Okay, so I'm a little confused here. I got this girl's number on Saturday (yay), and some friends said that I should text her that day to say "Hey, it's me. Here's my number." As of this afternoon, I had no response. So I figure I'll give her a call today, and if I don't get a response, then I figure it was a wrong number. I call her and it just rings and rings and eventually I hear a message about the wireless customer not being available. So I shrug it off.

I check my phone a few hours later, and I see I missed a call from the number she gave me. So I call it back, and I get the same thing. Rings for a while and then a message about the wireless customer not being available. I check my phone a few minutes later to another missed call from that number. So I text the number, "Guess I keep missing you." To which I get a call, but I'm unable to answer in time. I call the number back, and I get a busy signal. The last attempt was at about 7:45 tonight.

My current "plan of attack" is to call tomorrow in the afternoon. I guess I don't want to come off as desperate, but how many times in one day can you play phone tag?

 

[Bladenic]

I'd say taking her out for dinner for V-Day is a bigger deal than sleeping with her, if you want to keep things casual. If you want to keep things casual, sleep with her and do not sleep over.

I'm personally not a big proponent of casual sex though; what I'd do is find someone I really wanted to be with and be with them, physically and emotionally.

I thought about that too... I should have broken it off long ago, but when she said she didn't care about being in a relationship I thought "okay fine, no harm" but then my friends got in my head and now I see no way out without a bad end.

 

[Hylian7]

I know it's not over yet, but I completely forgot GAF's advice to me yesterday when I went to Target today. She was nowhere to be seen and I forgot to ask around. Fuck. Maybe I'll go back tomorrow, I don't know at this point.

Update! I talked to my friend who works there. He told me where in the store she works and generally when she works, although he did not know her exact schedule. Just the info I need anyway, so now I have a plan of attack.

 

[Sanky Panky]

Clothing has not been a problem for me since I'm pretty cleanly dressed everyday. I don't know if I show anxiety. Not to co-workers I think it has more to do with that I don't talk about relationships. I even told a co-worker recently when she asked if I never had a girlfriend that I don't really to talk about it. I feel that my typical being quiet about such things is some sort of sign.

Not necessarily talking about clothes. How is your posture? facial hair? built? People can read a lot of things based on this, and they assume that you lack experience not because you don't talk about it. They probably assumed it before they even asked you.

I'm just saying that it's important to know why you come off as you do, and what ways you can portray what you want to people.

 

[Dr Duncan Steel]

Alright GAF

Gonna ask the one girl after class tomorrow and I stand by it. Confident as ever but there's always that one thing at the back of our head saying otherwise.

I'm still wondering if my actions are still too last minute of a plan. Haven't talked to her since last Thursday, but whenever we talk, there's chemistry or maybe she's fucking nice I don't know.

But hey, nothing to lose right?

 

[Mr.City]

So dunno if anyone remembers but a while back I posted about not wanting to date this girl who was really into me. Well for various inexplicable reasons (I probably liked the attention) I've been talking to her continuously since then, went on a few dates, parties, etc. Even though I'm not extremely attracted to her (she's like a 6/7 tops) I really like her otherwise. I also talked to her and told her I don't actually want a serious committed relationship and she said she was cool with it, she doesn't like labels, blah blah blah.

And she wants it. Badly. Like I could say "let's fuck and let me tape it" and she probably wouldn't care. But I've avoided tapping that (and it's been hard... trust me) because some of my bros and a few close friends that are girls been telling me that if we have sex, she'll start thinking it's going to be more serious and that it's all gonna blow up, etc.

What does GAF think? My fraternity is having a date party and I've invited her since I didn't feel like finding another date, and that seems like the perfect time to hit it. Or Friday when I'm taking her out to dinner for V-Day (a bit late because of my exams). But I definitely don't want sex to complicate things. What should I do?

I would probably communicate with her about this. However, I feel very sad for this girl. You're not attracted to her, you don't really care about her, and you couldn't be bothered to find another date so you picked her out of sheer laziness. And you want to have sex on Valentine's Day with her without worrying about her forming an attachment to you.

What in the fuck? How old are you? Jesus Christ, how can you be this clueless? If you're don't want a relationship with her, don't take her out and then have sex with her on Valentine's Day. If she is forming feelings that you can't reciprocate, then you can't see her anymore.