Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Thanks for all the input, much appreciated. I've got a bit of an update.

I had gone to the store to buy some drinks and hadn't responded to the text, figured I'd think about it some more. Then about an hour after her initial text she texts me saying that it occurs to her that she never followed up on the date, and would like to go out with me if the offer still stands. Then she dropped this: "Your only hesitation might be that I'm currently dating someone but it's not an exclusive thing or serious. Let me know if you're still up for it :)".

I respect her honesty, and I'm not opposed or hesitating. I could see myself dating this girl, whether it be casually or something more serious. I think I'll give it to the morning to respond as I'm a bit tired now, and I'll post what happens.
 
kid ness said:
Thanks for all the input, much appreciated. I've got a bit of an update.

I had gone to the store to buy some drinks and hadn't responded to the text, figured I'd think about it some more. Then about an hour after her initial text she texts me saying that it occurs to her that she never followed up on the date, and would like to go out with me if the offer still stands. Then she dropped this: "Your only hesitation might be that I'm currently dating someone but it's not an exclusive thing or serious. Let me know if you're still up for it :)".

I respect her honesty, and I'm not opposed or hesitating. I could see myself dating this girl, whether it be casually or something more serious. I think I'll give it to the morning to respond as I'm a bit tired now, and I'll post what happens.
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Wow, if that isnt a sign of interest then I dont know what is.

Game. Set. Match. GO FOR IT
 
OK This is ~~kinggi~~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=5mBdzKgsGuY#!

kid ness said:
Thanks for all the input, much appreciated. I've got a bit of an update.

I had gone to the store to buy some drinks and hadn't responded to the text, figured I'd think about it some more. Then about an hour after her initial text she texts me saying that it occurs to her that she never followed up on the date, and would like to go out with me if the offer still stands. Then she dropped this: "Your only hesitation might be that I'm currently dating someone but it's not an exclusive thing or serious. Let me know if you're still up for it :)".

I respect her honesty, and I'm not opposed or hesitating. I could see myself dating this girl, whether it be casually or something more serious. I think I'll give it to the morning to respond as I'm a bit tired now, and I'll post what happens.
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Dude dude dudeeeeee!!!! She be bananas. But I like her. I say you respond right the fuck now

Kad5 said:
The girl is at the hospital apparently fuck me.....
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It's not your fault bro.
 
kid ness said:
Thanks for all the input, much appreciated. I've got a bit of an update.

I had gone to the store to buy some drinks and hadn't responded to the text, figured I'd think about it some more. Then about an hour after her initial text she texts me saying that it occurs to her that she never followed up on the date, and would like to go out with me if the offer still stands. Then she dropped this: "Your only hesitation might be that I'm currently dating someone but it's not an exclusive thing or serious. Let me know if you're still up for it :)".

I respect her honesty, and I'm not opposed or hesitating. I could see myself dating this girl, whether it be casually or something more serious. I think I'll give it to the morning to respond as I'm a bit tired now, and I'll post what happens.
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Looks like the other dude is doing a shitty job at keeping her interest. Go for it.

@Kad5: What everyone else is saying. Don't feel bad. This is not your fault. People do this all the time. It's selfish of them to try and hold you hostage. Do not talk to her. Whatever you do, do not acknowledge her cries for attention. She is not your responsibility.
 
I didn't fucking know girls get addicted to dick THIS BAD. Jesus....

She's kind of scaring me....

I don't wanna be known as the guy on campus that made a girl almost commit suicide....
 
Kad5 said:
I didn't fucking know girls get addicted to dick THIS BAD. Jesus....

She's kind of scaring me....

I don't wanna be known as the guy on campus that made a girl almost commit suicide....
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I seriously doubt anything that drastic will happen. Surely this has happened before with other people and word of it doesn't really escape.
 
Hylian7 said:
I seriously doubt anything that drastic will happen. Surely this has happened before with other people and word of it doesn't really escape.
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Probably but she did say I was her best.

That might play a role as well. She looks for excuses to cuddle with me all the time. And i've only seen her do this with me.

I keep telling her to go after other guys and she won't listen.
 
The key thing in this situation is to stop communicating with her. I'm not joking when I say this: find your counselling services on campus and speak to a counsellor about this. Not because you need psychological help, but because they've dealt with her type before and will give you advice on how to deal with the situation. And be honest when you go in there to talk about it; say you had sex and stuff like that. There's no sense in withholding information from university counsellors because they've heard all this stuff before. Trust me on this and please at least try it. It's free and will take maybe 20 minutes out of your day, tops.
 
Mr.City said:
A comprehensive guide to approaching women and establishing long lasting relationships
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"If you want a bitch to always respect you, the first time you fuck her: spit on her." "Hahaha, they're not ready for that yet."

Lmao, that shit was great, but some of it is ludicrous. Showing your money wad and then telling the girl to pay it? Yeah, that shit isn't gonna play to your favor. Like one of the top comments say, this type of philosophy only applies to the most ghetto, trashy girls.
 
Etrian Oddity said:
Lmao, that shit was great, but some of it is ludicrous. Showing your money wad and then telling the girl to pay it? Yeah, that shit isn't gonna play to your favor. Like one of the top comments say, this type of philosophy only applies to the most ghetto, trashy girls.
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Yeah I was thinking that the whole time. The principle is good, to take control, to not let a girl play you, etc etc, but yeah, this is for a specific demographic.

Now the spitting on a girl during sex on the other hand...
 
Just got back. Things went amazingly well, she's incredible.

She's easily the most gorgeous girl I've ever been on a date with, and that's not a knock on my previous dates, that's a compliment to her. She's stunning. So much so that it actually made me quite nervous at first, but I began to relax as things went on. Because of this I think I was a little bit "nicer" than I usually am, meaning that I dropped some of the bantering/teasing in favor for listening/joking. I think it was my defense mechanism. She commented on this ("you know, you're a lot sassier through texting"), which normally I'd think would be a bad sign, but we made plans for a second date next weekend and had a really good vibe throughout the night/texting afterwards so I don't think it's too much cause for concern. Plus, I'll be seeing her in class this week so I can continue down the bantering/teasing road to make up for lost time.

I really don't want to get ahead of myself here but wow, REALLY hoping this works out.
 
Spoke to the ex a few weeks back. It was kind of forced, but we talked about what we've been up to and everything. I said I'm doing ok without her, but I still want her back. She said she's not over me, that she meant everything she ever said when we were together, but just wants to be friends. I said I couldn't do that to her or myself and that I would keep my distance.

So that's what I'v been doing for nearly a month. However, her birthday is coming up, and I don't know what to do. Should I just continue to ignore her? Call her and tell her Happy Birthday? I have no clue how to handle this situation.
 
Mully said:
Spoke to the ex a few weeks back. It was kind of forced, but we talked about what we've been up to and everything. I said I'm doing ok without her, but I still want her back. She said she's not over me, that she meant everything she ever said when we were together, but just wants to be friends. I said I couldn't do that to her or myself and that I would keep my distance.

So that's what I'v been doing for nearly a month. However, her birthday is coming up, and I don't know what to do. Should I just continue to ignore her? Call her and tell her Happy Birthday? I have no clue how to handle this situation.
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"Happy Birthday" on Facebook, leave it at that.
 
Xun said:
Good luck dude! Just nod and ask the occasional question. ;)

Anyway another valentines, and another year alone.

It's negative to think like this, but with every day going by I feel more and more hopeless.
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Youre not, in fact Ive noticed you have been smiling alot more recently in this thread and starting to put things in a more positive light. Youre doing some good developement alright. Youre beginning to transfer from a negative state of mind, to a positive one. And the fact you are showing desire to improve is great.

FYI, if your friends are so boring, try going out alone to the city. In fact I have an idea for you.

Try giving yourself a mission each time. Me and my friends do it constantly and fuck around with people for shits and giggles. Its an internal drinking/prank game we have.

What we do, is suggest a character personality to each other and adapt/build it onto ourselves. And we MUST stick to it, because if we break the character role, this person has to buy a round for the whole table as penalty.

For instance, one of my bros was portraying himself as a hippie vampire, with a hobby for hats and ph.d in sexology or something like that. Make up. Suit/costume. Everything. People totally dug it because he was so calm, self-amused and completely natural about it. Its like method acting. We take a week of practice and preparation before we do it.

Its extremely barrier-breaking/frontier-moving but it will get you out of your comfort zone and you'll get EVEN MORE comfortable with yourself. Its fun!
 
Hylian7 said:
"Happy Birthday" on Facebook, leave it at that.
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I know this is the best way to do it. I'm totally overthinking everything. Especially since I still kind of feel that I need to do more. Like when I saw that suggestion, immediately I thought of doing that and text her.

I just need to continue keeping my head straight. I'm doing fine right now and the last thing I need to do is mess up and then beat myself about something I did in the past.
 
inspectah derek said:
Are we allowed to post links to threads on other forums? Oh well, here's a way to make valentine's day fun and a great opportunity to work on facing your "flinch". It should be guaranteed! to make girls smile.

http://niketalk.com/topic/287463/Ha...andom-girls-yes-simpin-YALL-NEED#.TzjN7rJhJzU
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Chicks will just see it as desperate and only call when they want something, like food or movie.
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Seems so fake and lazy to me, but then again most things that "work" about picking girls up seem this way to me. Its a cute idea in theory. May give it a try either way. Worth a read, thanks.
 
inspectah derek said:
Are we allowed to post links to threads on other forums? Oh well, here's a way to make valentine's day fun and a great opportunity to work on facing your "flinch". It should be guaranteed! to make girls smile.

http://niketalk.com/topic/287463/Ha...andom-girls-yes-simpin-YALL-NEED#.TzjN7rJhJzU
Click to expand...

I can't help but feel like the majority of girls will find you to be incredibly desparate by doing that... then again, I guess 1 success out of 15 would still make it an overall win. *shrugs*
 
highluxury said:
Wow, if that isnt a sign of interest then I dont know what is.

Game. Set. Match. GO FOR IT
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Exactly. I do hope that kid ness answered right away and made sure she isn't bored anymore.

luckyboyceo said:
I really don't want to get ahead of myself here but wow, REALLY hoping this works out.
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Awwwww. Awesome. Good for you mate. You are on a quite save ground if you already talked about next date. Just keep us updated and be your teasy little self and she will love it. We want the dirty details.

Mully said:
I just need to continue keeping my head straight. I'm doing fine right now and the last thing I need to do is mess up and then beat myself about something I did in the past.
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That. So darling, for your own good you better keep it as simple as possible.

Facebook is the way to go, and only that facebook.
 
How do I tell a girl I like her and want to spend time with her, and if she's not into me, than to just know her better as a good friend?

I want her in my life, for better or worse but obviously I don't want to say those exact words.

I feel like if I tell her I like her a lot and I want to spend time with her more than just talking now and then, but I feel like she'd just think I was being needy. She likes knowing if people like her or not, she likes tenacity (like in terms of how you do things in your life I guess) and positive thoughts, but she apparently has trust issues and takes a while to warm up to people.

I don't really have trust issues or anything. I probably trust people too much, lol.
 
Tess3ract said:
How do I tell a girl I like her and want to spend time with her, and if she's not into me, than to just know her better as a good friend?

I want her in my life, for better or worse but obviously I don't want to say those exact words.

I feel like if I tell her I like her a lot and I want to spend time with her more than just talking now and then, but I feel like she'd just think I was being needy. She likes knowing if people like her or not, she likes tenacity (like in terms of how you do things in your life I guess) and positive thoughts, but she apparently has trust issues and takes a while to warm up to people.

I don't really have trust issues or anything. I probably trust people too much, lol.
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How much time have you spent with this woman? I mean, it sounds you've spent a little and are already attached to her. I'm all for unrequited love, but you have to acknowledge she may or may not return those feelings. Ask her out for V-day; have a good time with her.
 
Update from last week: Not good.

Like all the girls I've asked out before, she's gone cold on me. I ran into her a few times and she barely said a word to me and stonewalled every conversation I tried to start. Before she couldn't stop talking to me, found every opportunity to touch me, constantly talked about things we should do together and I couldn't take two steps without her standing right next to me. Now, nothing. She asked me out every time I saw her for a month and everything is fine. I ask her out once and suddenly she's weird around me. It's uncanny. This has been the same exact outcome as every fucking girl I've asked out before. It makes me feel pretty hopeless.

Wish I had a success story for you guys but it doesn't look like it's in my cards.

Mr.City said:
Are you kidding? How do you think I got wives 3-5?

One has to wonder why when you show satire, some people think it's reality.
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Because good satire isn't that far off from the truth.
 
Tess3ract said:
How do I tell a girl I like her and want to spend time with her, and if she's not into me, than to just know her better as a good friend?

I want her in my life, for better or worse but obviously I don't want to say those exact words.

I feel like if I tell her I like her a lot and I want to spend time with her more than just talking now and then, but I feel like she'd just think I was being needy. She likes knowing if people like her or not, she likes tenacity (like in terms of how you do things in your life I guess) and positive thoughts, but she apparently has trust issues and takes a while to warm up to people.

I don't really have trust issues or anything. I probably trust people too much, lol.
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I'll just say what i did once and it turned out well(for a short time(i blew it afterwards)

Hey *name*, you know there is something really interesting about you but im not sure what it is, but it intrigues me. Me and a friend are going to *place* this is my number *number* let me know something if you're around.

I even did it the coward way as in sending her a private message on FB when she was offline. She texted me that night, got together, took me to her place and then i blew it BUT the point is i got there aaight!

In your case not those exact lines ofcourse, i would go with a text like. "Hey, you know i have to be honest here, there is something about you and i would like to find out what it is, lets go for a drink sometime"

In my experience, telling a girl she should give you her phone-number is always better than asking her number. Same thing with going out, dont ask her to go out with you, tell her i think we should go out.
 
Mully said:
I know this is the best way to do it. I'm totally overthinking everything. Especially since I still kind of feel that I need to do more. Like when I saw that suggestion, immediately I thought of doing that and text her.

I just need to continue keeping my head straight. I'm doing fine right now and the last thing I need to do is mess up and then beat myself about something I did in the past.
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You'll meet another nice girl. Don't worry too hard. Just continue your track now with her, because if she really truly wanted to be with you again, she would've done something by now...
 
Mully said:
I know this is the best way to do it. I'm totally overthinking everything. Especially since I still kind of feel that I need to do more. Like when I saw that suggestion, immediately I thought of doing that and text her.

I just need to continue keeping my head straight. I'm doing fine right now and the last thing I need to do is mess up and then beat myself about something I did in the past.
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You are doing fine! Keep sticking for yourself and do not do anything out of the ordinary without consulting us lol

inspectah derek said:
Are we allowed to post links to threads on other forums? Oh well, here's a way to make valentine's day fun and a great opportunity to work on facing your "flinch". It should be guaranteed! to make girls smile.

http://niketalk.com/topic/287463/Ha...andom-girls-yes-simpin-YALL-NEED#.TzjN7rJhJzU
Click to expand...

I don't think this is desperate. Just an indomitable waste of time and money

Tkawsome said:
Update from last week: Not good.

Like all the girls I've asked out before, she's gone cold on me. I ran into her a few times and she barely said a word to me and stonewalled every conversation I tried to start. Before she couldn't stop talking to me, found every opportunity to touch me, constantly talked about things we should do together and I couldn't take two steps without her standing right next to me. Now, nothing. She asked me out every time I saw her for a month and everything is fine. I ask her out once and suddenly she's weird around me. It's uncanny. This has been the same exact outcome as every fucking girl I've asked out before. It makes me feel pretty hopeless.

Wish I had a success story for you guys but it doesn't look like it's in my cards.
.
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Be a man's man and keep on trucking bro. No other way.

Tess3ract said:
How do I tell a girl I like her and want to spend time with her, and if she's not into me, than to just know her better as a good friend?

I want her in my life, for better or worse but obviously I don't want to say those exact words.

I feel like if I tell her I like her a lot and I want to spend time with her more than just talking now and then, but I feel like she'd just think I was being needy. She likes knowing if people like her or not, she likes tenacity (like in terms of how you do things in your life I guess) and positive thoughts, but she apparently has trust issues and takes a while to warm up to people.

I don't really have trust issues or anything. I probably trust people too much, lol.
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You don't. You ask her out, you kiss her, and then you talk about whether you want ot have something or not
 
EDIT: I don't know why guys are so adamant on fixing up broken girls. Most of the stories around here make excuses for girls: She is just out of a relationship, her dad just died, her dog was just run over, her plumbing broke...

Well, let me phrase it eloquently:

TOUGH SHIT

You guys are offering these girls the option of a great relationship. We ALSO have trouble. We also have trust issues, insecurities (job, family, school), we also need support. But you are offering something so good they can not pass it on. If these girls are giving you excuses to NOT be with you, well tough shit for them, they are missing out.

Don't fix broken girls. You are the fix. If they don't take you, it's their loss.

Tess3ract said:
I'm pretty sure that would scare off this girl, instead.
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No it won't. If she gets scared because of something as innocent as a date, she is NOT ready for a relationship
 
Update on ski trip girl: I responded to her text last night and we had a little conversation. I didn't want to text too much, keeping it mostly brief. Right now I only want to use texting to set up the date, which we set up for next week.

After we made our plans, she asked me for a good movie to watch on Netflix. I think she might have been testing me, and seeing what I'd find interesting. Of course, I could be totally wrong and she could have just been looking for a good movie rec. Whichever it was, I gave her "Exit Through The Gift Shop" by Banksy, love that film.

Looking forward to the date, I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks again for the input.
 
I am pretty sure that an attractive girl I work with wants me.

Some evidence-

She stalks my pictures and comments from a long time ago on Facebook.

The speed she responds to my texts is astonishing.

She initiates FB chat an text conversations most of the time.


Some of her texts are so blatant-
(In response to me asking what movie she saw) The Vow. It was really sad and reminded me how alone and without love I am.

etc.

Awesome right? The only problems are that she is 5 years older, she was at one point ready to be engaged until her boyfriend cheated on her (If things don't work out I don't want to hurt her), she doesn't have much social proof since she is a student teacher and all her friends took sides when her boyfriend cheated and she lost almost all of them.

Now I am still recovering from a breakup and I am just really emotionally confused as I still want my ex back. There is also a girl in a class at my college that I want to ask out. I don't know what to do....
 
kid ness said:
Update on ski trip girl: I responded to her text last night and we had a little conversation. I didn't want to text too much, keeping it mostly brief. Right now I only want to use texting to set up the date, which we set up for next week.

After we made our plans, she asked me for a good movie to watch on Netflix. I think she might have been testing me, and seeing what I'd find interesting. Of course, I could be totally wrong and she could have just been looking for a good movie rec. Whichever it was, I gave her "Exit Through The Gift Shop" by Banksy, love that film.

Looking forward to the date, I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks again for the input.
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I don't think she was testing you, "what movie do you like?" is not so much a test but a discourse invitation. My answer would have been something along the lines "well it depends on what you like watching" and a conversation starts from there.

You did good anyway.

hawkshockey11 said:
She stalks my pictures and comments from a long time ago on Facebook.
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She is interested, I don't even need to go through the rest of your post

hawkshockey11 said:
Awesome right? The only problems are that she is 5 years older, she was at one point ready to be engaged until her boyfriend cheated on her (If things don't work out I don't want to hurt her), she doesn't have much social proof since she is a student teacher and all her friends took sides when her boyfriend cheated and she lost almost all of them.
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BLA BLA BLA Drama. You are not her ex. Can you make her happy? Can she make you happy? those are the important questions

hawkshockey11 said:
Now I am still recovering from a breakup and I am just really emotionally confused as I still want my ex back. There is also a girl in a class at my college that I want to ask out. I don't know what to do....
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Why not ask both girls out and see which one is better suited for you? Stop thinking about your ex (how long ago did you break up?)
 
A Valentine's Day Conundrum

So I finally have a girl I'm seeing and getting intimate with (yes, we had sex last night), on Valentine's Day. As I said in another post she leaves the area, not to return, in late May so we aren't going to make this anything real serious. She's also a bit of a hippie and anti-consumerist, so what do I do for her on Valentine's Day? Will she be expecting anything because of how close we've become? I have nothing right now and the people I keep asking are telling me girls like to be remembered in some way.
 
CF_Fighter said:
A Valentine's Day Conundrum

So I finally have a girl I'm going out with and getting intimate with (yes, we had sex last night), on Valentine's Day. As I said in another post she leaves the area, not to return, in late May so we aren't going to make this anything real serious. She's also a bit of a hippie and anti-consumerist, so what do I do for her on Valentine's Day? Will she be expecting anything because of how close we've become? I have nothing right now and the people I keep asking are telling me girls like to be remembered in some way.
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I say you do something lowkey only if you want to
 
CF_Fighter said:
A Valentine's Day Conundrum

So I finally have a girl I'm seeing and getting intimate with (yes, we had sex last night), on Valentine's Day. As I said in another post she leaves the area, not to return, in late May so we aren't going to make this anything real serious. She's also a bit of a hippie and anti-consumerist, so what do I do for her on Valentine's Day? Will she be expecting anything because of how close we've become? I have nothing right now and the people I keep asking are telling me girls like to be remembered in some way.
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Cook her dinner. She knows she's leaving so it's not like she won't be with you if you don't give her a teddy bear. No point in building deeper emotional attachments, just enjoy your time together. Since you already had sex with her, you could throw in any unique flower. She'll prly find red roses cliche.
 
Door2Dawn said:
No it isn't.
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Yeah I was watching it as I posted that. Mostly talking about like, maybe the first minute or two where they actually hit some good points. After I posted, the video kinda became stupid (spitting on women after sex? the fuck?)

It doesn't matter how good you look. If women are giving you signs, then that is happening and it's your fault if you don't take advantage of that right there.

And get a girl on your own merits. Don't degrade someone else to get what you want. You CAN do that, but it's relatively easy to screw up if you aren't good at leading as a dominant alpha male type (highluxury had a story about this one earlier, but someone was successfully pulling it off). Degrading someone else can make a person seem desperate and be a turn off.

Those I felt were really good. I will admit, the rest of the video was kinda :/ after that.
 
I went out with an Asian girl last week (my first ever date with an Asian girl surprisingly enough)... I thought the date went kinda OK (was kind of the under the weather for a lot of the date due to stomach cramps) - went to dinner and a classical string quintet concert. Anyways she just txted me asking if I want to hang out with her in Queens tomorrow... then I looked at my calendar, tomorrow is Valentine's Day!

Not like I had any other plans (was thinking of just chilling and playing FF13-2), but a V-day thing for a second date? I don't know what to do, do I bring flowers or another kind of gift or is that too forward? I think the girl is pretty cool but have a couple other girls I'm talking to currently so I don't really want to get too involved too fast. She is a very busy girl (lawyer) and perhaps this is one of the only times she has free, but I don't know whether or not the whole V-day thing will be awkward.
 
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