Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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What's your type?

This really gorgeous stoner girl spent so much time with me that it completely ruined my ability to tolerate anything else. Also, the girls that my op was about look/act nothing like her.

I doubt anyone has ever experienced that sort of thing, where the perfect person for you is also the only one that isn't attracted to you at all.
 
Have you ever been a shy or socially awkward/anxious girl? No? Then the advice in that link is actually pretty good. I don't know what this "kino" or "AntiSlut defenses" stuff is you're talking about, but if you come on too strong or the wrong way you're just going to scare her off or make her more distant and uncomfortable.
Why did you get so defensive? I don't care if I have never been a socially awkward/anxious girl. I know women, I have fucked my share of shy girls. So why don't you actually search what I am talking before trying to talk shit about me, ok? I give sound advice.

Did the kino not work with the supervisor?

I kid. Sucks to hear. Why'd it happen?

"Too much kino" as the cause of rejection

They seem really dependent though. I really hate when people get mad at me.
It's not your fault though. NO ONE can force you to being with someone you are not attracted to.

Sorry if this sounds incredibly egocentric, I am trying to play this off the right way, because I know how this feels on the other side and I don't want them to feel all depressed and shit.
Their depression IS NOT your fault. Don't let yourself be guilt tripped into a relationship you are not comfortable at.
 
OK time to be tough on you. So you liked the perfect girl and she didn't care for you much. Tough luck boy, we all have been there. Be a man and move on!

I know that!

Of course I want to move on, but no one else has those qualities. Where do I go to find that type of person cause I am sick of looking at them when I scroll down on tumblr.

Btw, your avatar is so fitting in the most awesome way possible.
 
I know that!

Of course I want to move on, but no one else has those qualities. Where do I go to find that type of person cause I am sick of looking at them when I scroll down on tumblr.

Btw, your avatar is so fitting in the most awesome way possible.

what's the longest you have been in a relationship?
 
5 months. I have not experienced anything "truly meaningful" in a disturbing amount of time.

I really do not want that though.

How old are you?
If you don't want that, why do you care so much about a specific type though? When I am man-whoring around, I really don't care much about the "type" of girl I fuck, just as long as they are fun, hot and not crazy biatches...
 
How old are you?
If you don't want that, why do you care so much about a specific type though? When I am man-whoring around, I really don't care much about the "type" of girl I fuck, just as long as they are fun, hot and not crazy biatches...

18, but out of high school for a year now(finished all courses online early and such). I can't find any "hot" girls to fuck, everyone here is clingy and emotional.

I think it is nice that they are physical as well as emotional but it just does not turn me on at all. I spent enough time around girls that were far more physical than dependent and I would just love to find someone like that again.
 
18, but out of high school for a year now(finished all courses online early and such). I can't find any "hot" girls to fuck, everyone here is clingy and emotional.

I think it is nice that they are physical as well as emotional but it just does not turn me on at all. I spent enough time around girls that were far more physical than dependent and I would just love to find someone like that again.

pfff at age 18 all girls are a sack of a random emotional maelstrom. Keep looking! you are young. and fuck fuck fuck.


Until it's your dick she is biting
 
I know that!

Of course I want to move on, but no one else has those qualities. Where do I go to find that type of person cause I am sick of looking at them when I scroll down on tumblr.

Btw, your avatar is so fitting in the most awesome way possible.

You should totally try Craigslist. Just list off the qualities you like and see what happens.

Hopefully you don't get some erudite meth-head.
 
Thanks for the welcome guys. I will do my best to be helpful.As far as rejecting a girl, you just have to be honest. Its not your fault if youre not attracted and its not your job to make them happy. Rejection can be good, it can be good for self improvement and those who learn from it can be happy.
 
Yeah, just be honest in the most polite way possible. Eh, what else can be done? And yeah, don't feel bad about it or whatever. A woman will quickly turn you down if she isn't interested in you.
 
I doubt anyone has ever experienced that sort of thing, where the perfect person for you is also the only one that isn't attracted to you at all.

Actually this is what I've been going through for over a year. Several girls in my life, couldn't feel a thing for any one of them because I've been stuck on this one "perfect" girl. She is, on a perhaps "traditional" scale (ugh shoot me please), significantly less hot than others who have shown very direct interest. Yet I only wanted this one and she never reciprocated. I made posts about it a long time ago, but sorta decided posting in girl-age doesn't do any good for me.

What do you do, though? I've repeatedly forced myself to change perspective and give another kind of girl a chance. Sometimes it works out for a short while and then ends poorly and I'm right back where I started. I'm doin alright at the moment.

Anyway, what I'm saying is that probably a good majority of males have experienced the situation that you're doubting anyone else ever has.
 
I wasn't sure if that was a joke post or not so I didn't respond to it, but now I realize the guy is 18...

Pretty sure everyone here hit that at some point in their life... then they realized there isn't a "one"...

or if there is a "one" she sure as hell wasn't. Infatuation, I remember the first one, girl in high school, I'm very disappointed in my 16-18 year old self, but we all come out of it at some point.

There is no "perfect" girl. Everyone has their flaws, it's what really makes you unique. Being into the same bands, or liking the same movies is well and good, but that doesn't mean she's perfect. Girls your age have no fucking idea what they want in life yet. They may THINK they do, but some will do a complete 180 once they hit college, then another 180 when they graduate, then a 720 after they realize the guy they settled down with wasn't what they wanted again...

I'm totally just rambling now, but I'll say this, and I think everyone can back me up. The girl isn't perfect, there are probably 10 more just like her somewhere in your neighborhood. Or school, or wherever. Trying to hold every girl up to some ideal perfect woman isn't the right idea. You can have standards, or types, but if you're comparing everyone to this one girl, it's doing no one any favors, because in your mind, any flaw that may have been there is erased or glossed over, even more so the further down the line you get.




In other news,

Date 2 mostly set, either movies, or if my friends are heading out to a bar near her place (where they're regulars at, the bar, not her place) we'll go meet them there and she'll invite some of her friends and we'll just drink all night. I'm gonna talk to my friends and see what they're up to friday night.

Date 1.5, we're gonna have lunch since we work near each other, on wednesday.

So far so good.
 
I wasn't sure if that was a joke post or not so I didn't respond to it, but now I realize the guy is 18...

Pretty sure everyone here hit that at some point in their life... then they realized there isn't a "one"...

or if there is a "one" she sure as hell wasn't. Infatuation, I remember the first one, girl in high school, I'm very disappointed in my 16-18 year old self, but we all come out of it at some point.

There is no "perfect" girl. Everyone has their flaws, it's what really makes you unique. Being into the same bands, or liking the same movies is well and good, but that doesn't mean she's perfect. Girls your age have no fucking idea what they want in life yet. They may THINK they do, but some will do a complete 180 once they hit college, then another 180 when they graduate, then a 720 after they realize the guy they settled down with wasn't what they wanted again...

I'm totally just rambling now, but I'll say this, and I think everyone can back me up. The girl isn't perfect, there are probably 10 more just like her somewhere in your neighborhood. Or school, or wherever. Trying to hold every girl up to some ideal perfect woman isn't the right idea. You can have standards, or types, but if you're comparing everyone to this one girl, it's doing no one any favors, because in your mind, any flaw that may have been there is erased or glossed over, even more so the further down the line you get.

I think most people go through and internalize those logical steps time and again, but the pitfalls which defy them keep coming up regardless. You'd think these are things we get over in our teens, and society tells us we're supposed to, but I don't know. I don't think it's that simple. How do you condition yourself not to fall too hard for a certain girl? Logic doesn't do it.
 
Why did you get so defensive? I don't care if I have never been a socially awkward/anxious girl. I know women, I have fucked my share of shy girls. So why don't you actually search what I am talking before trying to talk shit about me, ok? I give sound advice.

I wasn't trying to make it sound defensive, sorry. I just thought that link was good advice and wasn't sure why you were dismissing it, that's all. Can you explain that? I know what the kino thing is, but still not sure what you mean by AntiSlut defenses. I was never trying to talk shit about you and lot of people seem to take your advice in here, I see that.
 
I wasn't trying to make it sound defensive, sorry. I just thought that link was good advice and wasn't sure why you were dismissing it, that's all. Can you explain that? I know what the kino thing is, but still not sure what you mean by AntiSlut defenses. I was never trying to talk shit about you and lot of people seem to take your advice in here, I see that.

Assuming I understand it right, basically it means something like this is what is likely going through her mind.

"I really want to have sex with him, but if I do I would be a slut for that. I'll just keep not doing that until it feels okay to have sex with him and not consider myself a slut."
 
Assuming I understand it right, basically it means something like this is what is likely going through her mind.

"I really want to have sex with him, but if I do I would be a slut for that. I'll just keep not doing that until it feels okay to have sex with him and not consider myself a slut."

If that's what he means I don't think that's right. So he's assuming that's what all "shy" girls are thinking? If I'm misunderstanding I apologize.
 
made my GF squirt today, and needless to say, I was in awe. She said it was the first time she had ever squirted. Great night, hope you guys have been doing well--I was banned for a few weeks.
 
If that's what he means I don't think that's right. So he's assuming that's what all "shy" girls are thinking? If I'm misunderstanding I apologize.

I meant when they have "Antislut defenses" that is what they are thinking, not necessarily always thinking that.
 
Hello, fellow Gaffers. I've got a difficult burden on my shoulders, and I need your help.

I'm in a longterm (6 years) relationship with this great woman. She's my fiance now, and we're planning a wedding. We have very much in common, we've got pretty decent jobs, and we're planning to buy a house this year (with a 20yrs bank loan...). There is love, there is sex in many forms, there is laughter, we don't quarrel too much. You can say that this is a perfect relationship.

She's my first and only girlfiend in my entire life (25 years old right now).
I was a big pussy before I met her, but thanks to her I'm now a grown motherfucker.
She was my motivation to work out in the gym, she tought what clothes to wear, and you can say that thanks to her I graduaded college. She made my life much better than it was and much better it could have ever been.

But...

Now that I feel confident with myself, I see that women look different at me. And I'm intigued...

Ok, I'll be honest - I think I need some other pussy.
I don't plan to abandon this fantastic chick that made me the way I am... but I want to taste different flavours of life.

Should I discuss this with my fiance? Or just cockblock myself, and aprreciate more what I have?
Maybe some swing party a few years after the wedding? Partner swap with our friends?
Maybe my recent sex obssesion is the fault of the intenet and the avalibity of porn?

Please help me :(
 
Hello, fellow Gaffers. I've got a difficult burden on my shoulders, and I need your help.

I'm in a longterm (6 years) relationship with this great woman. She's my fiance now, and we're planning a wedding. We have very much in common, we've got pretty decent jobs, and we're planning to buy a house this year (with a 20yrs bank loan...). There is love, there is sex in many forms, there is laughter, we don't quarrel too much. You can say that this is a perfect relationship.

She's my first and only girlfiend in my entire life (25 years old right now).
I was a big pussy before I met her, but thanks to her I'm now a grown motherfucker.
She was my motivation to work out in the gym, she tought what clothes to wear, and you can say that thanks to her I graduaded college. She made my life much better than it was and much better it could have ever been.

But...

Now that I feel confident with myself, I see that women look different at me. And I'm intigued...

Ok, I'll be honest - I think I need some other pussy.
I don't plan to abandon this fantastic chick that made me the way I am... but I want to taste different flavours of life.

Should I discuss this with my fiance? Or just cockblock myself, and aprreciate more what I have?
Maybe some swing party a few years after the wedding? Partner swap with our friends?
Maybe my recent sex obssesion is the fault of the intenet and the avalibity of porn?

Please help me :(

You're fucked and there are no right answers here. You care about her and know you have a great thing going and yet you also have your confident male urges to go caving in exotic locales springing up, which you missed the opportunity for in the standard 16-25 phase of life.

If you broach the subject of desiring to sow your wild oats before you fully commit, she may never completely trust you again, at best, and it's unlikely she'll be receptive to your desire for some strange while keeping her around.

As you already know, the only way to satisfy your urges *and* preserve the really good thing you have is to throw away your integrity and cheat, which as a man of honor and decency I can't endorse.

Regret, regret, or guilt and regret. Take your pick ;b

No relationship lasts forever, and there are many people in this world you will be compatible with. Don't feel like you have to hold onto a relationship at all costs. It's okay to look out for yourself, just try not to betray anyone in the process. Or I will kick your ass ;b
 
Im with Evilore on this. Youre caught between a rock and a hard place. Its your dilemma and your choice. I wouldnt encourage it either since youve been staying so long together.

You'd be a complete douchebag doing this to her when youre so close to getting married, but hey whatever floats your boat. Just make sure you know the consequences.
 
I know leaving her is a bad idea, definitely not now, as she's got a tought helf situation.

I also know that leaving the love of your life just because of a need of some other pussy flavour is really stupid (or maybe its not?) ...

Thanks for the advices though, I can tell that I feel a little better by just typing my thoughts out and reading your suggestions.
 
Now that I feel confident with myself, I see that women look different at me. And I'm intigued...

Ok, I'll be honest - I think I need some other pussy.

It's easy. If you don't love her anymore, drop her and do whatever you want.
But, if you really love her, don't let your dick destroy it all. It's easy to find pussy. It's not easy to find real love.

If you cheat on her, she will probably leave you or at least it will seriously damage your relationship. So just don't. And don't try the "I wanna some other pussy"-talk on her. It would have the same effect as directly cheating on her.
 
I know leaving her is a bad idea, definitely not now, as she's got a tought helf situation.

I also know that leaving the love of your life just because of a need of some other pussy flavour is really stupid (or maybe its not?) ...

Thanks for the advices though, I can tell that I feel a little better by just typing my thoughts out a reading your suggestions.

It is stupid. Period. No discussion.

I may be a promiscuous man as such, being my life is entirely different, but I still know I would never support this if I were in your situation.
 
If you're anything like me you'll be struck with deep, constant pangs of regret, realizing that sex feels hollow, unfulfilling, even unenjoyable, when it's not with that special girl who you have an actual bond with.
 
czk - listen to the advice.

Plus, if you want to mix it up a bit just try chatting to your girl about it.

I don't mean tell her you want to go out and fuck other women.

Ask her if she has any kinks that she might want to try, tell her yours... get a bit adventurous!!

Once you guys open up and can chat easily about your kinks then you can throw in suggestion of perhaps inviting another lady for you BOTH to play with (there's plenty of websites out there full of people looking for something similar or women willing to be a "third" and NOT craigslist). You'll have to be responsible about it if you both consent, agree between yourselves what you can both tolerate. Set some rules and it can be beneficial for both of you (and you get to sample a different pussy WITH your S/O)... "Caring is sharing"

Of course if she isn't up for it then you drop it - don't nag or try to force her into it. It's only enjoyable if everyone is in agrement.
 
Thanks, I think all of the opinions are worth taking into acount. Although I'm realy afraid, that if I left her - I wouldn't find this kind of a special person anyware. We have too much in common, we can talk and laugh just about anything. If I were her, I would consider leaving me, because I'm really a worse human being than her :). But for some reason she loves me even more than I do her.

+ we are getting married in a few moths, and planning to buy a house ffs :( I think it's too late to even think about leaving. I should have thought about other women a few years ago :( But then there was college, too little time for anything... and I was in heavy love with her, I didn't see those girls back then...

About swinging: with your good friends or total strangers?
 
I just wanted to say that the first post is very accurate and full of truth. Read the last topic too and though the same thing. Really good advices.
 
I would advise meeting up with potentials first, at a bar or somewhere where you can have a chat, find out if they are reasonable. Make sure you both find the person/couple suitable and get teh right 'vibes' from them.

You can either go away and think about it OR just go from there...

For what it's worth, I don't think it's worth risking losing this girl. From the way you talk about her, I think you'd be a fool to just out and out cheat dude.
 
czk

Ive been to SM/swinger clubs. You can try bringing up the subject of fetishes and fantasies and try it out and see if it something for her and she agrees. Some places its free for couples as far as I know.

Most have regular strict etiquettes of only wearing a towel or even being completely naked. A minority allow being fully dressed.
 
Oh. That must be an odd feel, bruh.

Your feels must be so torn apart right now.

*ahem*

If I was in your situation I would focus my attention on the local girl because A) She's closer and B) She doesn't seem to be as indecisive as the girl that's out of state. I mean, that seems kind of odd that she just now reciprocates feelings towards you while she's out of state.

Edit: Unless there's something else you forget to mention.
Nah.

I had been talking with and had a crush on a girl in another state but she was in a relationship. She would sometimes be busy and not talk to me for days, like say on the weekends. She broke up with her bf and we'd talk off and on and I indirectly mentioned I liked her. Then she disappeared again on the weekend and I didn't get to talk to her much. So on one of those weekends I met another girl, and we hit it off pretty fast.

Now it's tuesday, the girl out of state finally (or at least more directly) hits on me. Except me and the local girl I met recently have been messing around and falling pretty hard.

I was actually going to ask the out of state girl if she'd be willing to do an open relationship because it would mean she could still get laid but we'd still be a thing. Now me and the local girl are being a thing, and I don't know her as long as the out of state girl.
 
Well I struggled a few times if I really should try to get some help...
I was reading the Girl Age Threads since the beginning and I was really suprised how motivating and encouraging these threads were.

Now I got a problem too. I am not social awkward or anything like that (I got many friends, am social, try to interact with new people, I am able to hold an interesting conversation...)

Last year I had a crush on a friend whom I knew for a year. We interacted with eachother really nice, I wasn't clingy (she was sometimes upset when I wasn't really try to hold contact) and on the weekend we had fun - didn't kiss when we were out to drink, but we cuddled blabla. Well I never went for the kiss close and tried to get together with her, she didn't like the idea - "friends" blabla you know the old stupid friendzone shit. Nothing really important. At that I knew another friend in my friendcircle with whom I didn't do something, who I didn't really know other from drinking when we were by a friend and so on. Just a comrade I guess.

When I was a little depressed she was suddenly there and comforted me and gave me strength to do something more, to be more manly, she coached me a bit and said that I should read "Lob des Seximus" (German Title) from Lodovico Satana and should live by that rules. Well I did and was really succesful - good job girl.

At that time she was every day after work at my place and we talked, had fun, watched movies, had the same friendcircle (so we were together at the bar) and she really didn't tell me her problems. Somethings we were fighting (like friends), I often massaged her, it was the "best friend" thingy.

What changed the whole situation was that she tried to stalk with who I was doing things on other days (other girls) and she even tried to banish them (she is a... very dominant woman). At that time I wasn't really sure what she was doing but it also didn't really affect me.

She always called me best friend, we got in a fight when I was doing things with the girl from time right before we were doing things together and that did effect me a bit. Somethings then she really hurt me when we were fighting and because I wasn't really trying to hurt her (who would hurt a woman?) I wasn't really sure if she had respect.

Then there was one week where a friend of mine moved in my area and we had the change to do more than normal. She was jealous and even said if I was trying to exchange her with my other friend. She suddenly did the same thing month later with another person and I was suddenly hurt - I was angry, she was missing, she even lied to me when she was at my place and said that she was going home, but then went to his place. I even knew that both of them didn't have something with eachother, because he was a pussy, but it bugged me a bit - whatever.

After another month I talked with her, that I didn't really liked him (he was in general a problem in our friendcircle, nobody really liked him at all) and since then he is gone. I tried to be more tolerant with myself and even was able to get her calm down when she was bitchy. We get along quiete better than in the beginning and I know that I really like her, she isn't really that pretty, but she's got something which I like.

She didn't like me watching playing videogames or watching anime, but she noticed that I enjoy these things and tried to get into these and even enjoys these now (she plays rockband everyday and watched Death Note atm) she even talks at her workplace about these things even she said that these things are for kids in the past. ;)

At her home she has to share a room with her 2 year younger sister, I guess that's a point for her strange behaviour sometimes.

I really really like this girl and even though she's a bit complicated I want to try it with her, but "friendzone" is one of the things that holds that off. Another thing that sucks is that when I try to freeze out she notices this and says "well, you freeze out now - I am gone forever" one time I said "okay, bye" and she started to cry, 5 days later I noticed that I can't really do this, but she was contacting me, we were talking, and everything was okay.

Another information, we both are 21. ;)

Longest post in GAF History and not even the whole story I guess, but you should get the gist.

My english is not the best (German GAF!) I really hope I get a few advices how to handle the whole thing and to get her. :-)

TL;DR

Friend of mine which I didn't know before, came into my life, we both cling to eachother, I now want to get her, friendzone, how to get her with er dominant behaviour (stupidest TL;DR ever...)
 
Mendrox: I'm not sure if you should tell her this flat out, but she needs to shit or get off the pot (as in, make a decision to be with you or not). The relationship that you all have crosses friend lines, and what you're feeling is natural. She's sending confusing messages, doing things to make you jealous (by the sound of it), and being at your place when you're not there. That's GF land, not friend land.
 
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