Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Jintor said:
Ahah, "I'm not looking for anything right now". I'mma go wallow in something distracting for a month ;__;
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So I've just been occasionally chatting online with a girl who's been 'dating' guys via online dating with this attitude. I haven't wasted my 'in person' time on her yet, maybe I will just for friendship cuz I do have fun talking to her. But yeah, I feel that she's wasting a lot of guys' time. Lots of guys doing absolutely nuts things for her thinking she's interested. She says she's 'not going to settle'...

Just a general warning, don't take it personally. Lots of girls don't know what they want, other girls are in fantasy worlds. Guys too for that matter...


Does Sadetar feel like a guy who comes quickly and doesn't appear to care (making an arrogant comment) is using her? I think that's more like 'if you're a selfish asshole who doesn't care you deserve to get attacked'.
 
FortunateSon said:
It's just the way she worded / stated it. Isn't the whole point of this thread is to help other guys / girls get some dating advice (including myself, very helpful thread) but that wasn't advice. She was making every single guy in here feel like a huge failure / loser or a guy that has no idea how to please a woman if they go early with such a redundant / nonsensical statement.

How is that even advice? Or even constructive advice? She's basically saying, if you go early, you are fucked.

Does she even know there's so much more to sex that dictates how quickly a guy might go during sex (intercourse)?

Sex is not everything. Foreplay is exciting and very fun for both you and your partner. So even though, if the guy goes real quick when it comes to the main thing, the girl will definitely remember the foreplay.

Foreplay makes sex that much more exciting as well. The build up, the teasing (this one can be a real pain if you are being teased but it's also a lot of fun to do if you are the one pulling the shots).
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Or if there is an issue with that kind of intercourse try oral stimulation. If you truly care about getting the other person off, which is what all good lovers should aspire to, try something else. Or if you didn't get off and want to, suggest something else. Instead of deriding someone for their "failure at sexual prowess", teach them how to get you off in other ways. I've noticed more often that the flipside of the "slut" coin for women is the expectation that a man has to be some sort of sex stud. Well girls no one is born that way, so if you come across someone who hasn't got much experience why don't you buck the fuck up and give him some lessons instead of insulting him. All you're doing is putting another bitter guy into the man pool and insulting the rest of us with your shrewd bullshit.
 
Communication is the fucking key that opens all kinds of doors. Us men need to be open to constructive criticism and not be offended when their woman wants to suggest something to improve the sex life.
 
To be fair, it seemed like Sadetar's comments were based off a hookup as opposed to a relationship which makes the communication aspect a bit harder.
 
FallingEdge said:
To be fair, it seemed like Sadetar's comments were based off a hookup as opposed to a relationship which makes the communication aspect a bit harder.
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To be fair, that isn't a valid excuse to be so damn critical and it makes even less sense to vent in such a way that insults everyone in this thread =/.
 
Devolution said:
It's also kind of unfair to always make the penis in vagina the main event. There's so much fun you can have doing other things, leading up to that or afterwards.
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It's also not very fair when most of the time women can just lay there and guys tend to do all of the work. Dead Fish as it were.
 
Devolution said:
If a woman did that with me I'd just up and leave. I don't want to fuck a corpse.
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Right, neither do I. I just point out women generally don't have to worry in the same way as men, the main block is how turned on they are which can be solved by lube if needed. With men it can't happen if we cum too soon or can't keep hard for any number of reasons.

So, it's not a really fair comparison.
 
Tess3ract said:
Right, neither do I. I just point out women generally don't have to worry in the same way as men, the main block is how turned on they are which can be solved by lube if needed. With men it can't happen if we cum too soon or can't keep hard for any number of reasons.

So, it's not a really fair comparison.
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There are things we get insecure about though. I can elaborate later.
 
Tess3ract said:
Right, neither do I. I just point out women generally don't have to worry in the same way as men, the main block is how turned on they are which can be solved by lube if needed. With men it can't happen if we cum too soon or can't keep hard for any number of reasons.

So, it's not a really fair comparison.
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This is just plain wrong.

Devolution said:
To be fair, that isn't a valid excuse to be so damn critical and it makes even less sense to vent in such a way that insults everyone in this thread =/.
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I agree but my comment was more about the communication aspect of it all. When involved in a relationship, it is a lot easier to talk about what you like/don't like in bed. imo anyway. I should have been more clear in that sense.
 
FallingEdge said:
This is just plain wrong.

.
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There is no point in comparing, but he's not wrong. A girl may have insecurities (which limits her enjoyment/ability to come) but for the actual function of penetration, men have more responsibility and are affected by more factors.

Thankfully, as others have said, penetration is not the end-all, be-all of sex.
 
Etrian Oddity said:
Devolution just whooping ass and taking names in this thread
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This is a good example of other activities you can do outside of the main event to prolong sexual activity. It is what is known as a rim-job.

I jest, Dev really is giving great advice as is Evilore and I'm glad we have their knowledge to support our relationship arsenals
 
Fuck, I messaged the OKC girl yesterday to make sure she was on for Thursday (she said before she had to see what school work she had to do), and she still hasn't responded yet. She also hasn't been online since yesterday, although I found her PoF account which said she was online today. I hope she isn't flaking, but I don't think she is.

Edit: Still nothing, she hasn't been online in OKC at all since yesterday, but yet her PoF profile has been online today. Not sure if I should make a PoF account and contact her there or just wait more. The proposed date is tomorrow, and I need to know for sure if she's available or not. Am I just impatient or is she really flaking on me here? I seriously hope she isn't....
 
Sanky Panky said:
There is no point in comparing, but he's not wrong. A girl may have insecurities (which limits her enjoyment/ability to come) but for the actual function of penetration, men have more responsibility and are affected by more factors.

Thankfully, as others have said, penetration is not the end-all, be-all of sex.
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Uh this is ignorant as fuck. There are plenty of factors that can ruin our enjoyment of penetration that are physical as well.
 
Got the best message ever on OKC.

"Hi"

Really? And the worst part is reading her "about me".

Hiya. I'm actually 14, but I like older guys. I'm a nice girl who suffers from depression.

Profile said she was 19. No picture besides a dog... Yet girls ask why I don't respond unless they have pictures. What's worse is that it says on my profile girls 21-27, so why even bother?
 
Clairvoyance said:
Got the best message ever on OKC.

"Hi"

Really? And the worst part is reading her "about me".

Hiya. I'm actually 14, but I like older guys. I'm a nice girl who suffers from depression.

Profile said she was 19. No picture besides a dog... Yet girls ask why I don't respond unless they have pictures. What's worse is that it says on my profile girls 21-27, so why even bother?
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Report button, it has it's uses....
 
Clairvoyance said:
Got the best message ever on OKC.

"Hi"

Really? And the worst part is reading her "about me".

Hiya. I'm actually 14, but I like older guys. I'm a nice girl who suffers from depression.

Profile said she was 19. No picture besides a dog... Yet girls ask why I don't respond unless they have pictures. What's worse is that it says on my profile girls 21-27, so why even bother?
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Gross.
 
Hylian7 said:
Fuck, I messaged the OKC girl yesterday to make sure she was on for Thursday (she said before she had to see what school work she had to do), and she still hasn't responded yet. She also hasn't been online since yesterday, although I found her PoF account which said she was online today. I hope she isn't flaking, but I don't think she is.

Edit: Still nothing, she hasn't been online in OKC at all since yesterday, but yet her PoF profile has been online today. Not sure if I should make a PoF account and contact her there or just wait more. The proposed date is tomorrow, and I need to know for sure if she's available or not. Am I just impatient or is she really flaking on me here? I seriously hope she isn't....
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Don't create a pof profile just to message her, that sounds desperate, dumb, and creepy. Why did you not get this girl's number?
 
greenry said:
Don't create a pof profile just to message her, that sounds desperate, dumb, and creepy. Why did you not get this girl's number?
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Because I have never done online dating before and wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask without meeting in person first, or having concrete plans to meet first (i.e. "Call me at this number if you get lost."). :/

As for the rest of it, I figured that was the case, just making sure I was right about that. I hope she gets back on OKC by tomorrow though....
 
Devolution said:
Uh this is ignorant as fuck. There are plenty of factors that can ruin our enjoyment of penetration that are physical as well.
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Nah girla. Dryness can be solved, and tell me how often does it hurt that it can really impede sex as easily as a penis going limb?

Guys carry the heavier burden. That's undeniable.
 
Devolution said:
Uh this is ignorant as fuck. There are plenty of factors that can ruin our enjoyment of penetration that are physical as well.
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What is the female equivalent of not being able to get an erection or ejaculating too early?
 
Sanky Panky said:
Nah girla. Dryness can be solved, and tell me how often does it hurt that it can really impede sex as easily as a penis going limb?

Guys carry the heavier burden. That's undeniable.
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demon said:
What is the female equivalent of not being able to get an erection or ejaculating too early?
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Not all of us have an easy time with getting a dick stuck up there. But you know carry on in your bullshit fucking assumptions.
 
Chibits12 said:
Ok, on my first day on Okcupid I received 8 visitors and 2 replies. I really like this one girl but she hasn't responded back yet :(
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1. Has she been online since you sent the message? If no, you still have a chance.

2. Briefly sum up your message, perhaps we can critique it.
 
Hylian7 said:
Because I have never done online dating before and wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask without meeting in person first. :/

As for the rest of it, I figured that was the case, just making sure I was right about that. I hope she gets back on OKC by tomorrow though....
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My goal on a dating site like POF or OKC is to move away from the dating site as quickly as possible. A couple messages at most then I am either giving my number or asking for hers and going from there. Online messaging on those sites is still pretty impersonal, just too easy to stop replying when the attraction fizzles out, if it was even there in the first place. Not saying that is what is happening with you.
 
Hylian7 said:
1. Has she been online since you sent the message? If no, you still have a chance.

2. Briefly sum up your message, perhaps we can critique it.
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She was online. All I mentioned was how I like her profile and how we have a lot in common. It was about a five sentence long message. I know it was lame. Dang it I need to do better than that...
 
I dunno if devolution is the angriest poster on neogaf, but it sure is close!

Also. The first time you sleep with someone new is hardly going to be fantastic, no matter what. In my experience, anyway
 
Hylian7 said:
Fuck, I messaged the OKC girl yesterday to make sure she was on for Thursday (she said before she had to see what school work she had to do), and she still hasn't responded yet. She also hasn't been online since yesterday, although I found her PoF account which said she was online today. I hope she isn't flaking, but I don't think she is.

Edit: Still nothing, she hasn't been online in OKC at all since yesterday, but yet her PoF profile has been online today. Not sure if I should make a PoF account and contact her there or just wait more. The proposed date is tomorrow, and I need to know for sure if she's available or not. Am I just impatient or is she really flaking on me here? I seriously hope she isn't....
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Do NOT create a PoF profile to contact her. That will not work for you no matter what happens. She may be 'flaking', but you're being impatient / worrying about this far too much. She's one girl. Did you suggest a place and time to meet?

Hylian7 said:
Because I have never done online dating before and wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask without meeting in person first, or having concrete plans to meet first (i.e. "Call me at this number if you get lost."). :/

As for the rest of it, I figured that was the case, just making sure I was right about that. I hope she gets back on OKC by tomorrow though....
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You're not wrong there, if a girl has agreed to meet you you can simply give her your number and she should give her yours, if she doesn't do so just outright ask her 'in case something comes up' or whatever similar reason, because it's true. If she still doesn't give you her number she may be too poor to afford a cell phone, and your flight to Somalia is bound to be very expensive.

You're new to this, stop worrying about this first girl. There WILL be others.

Chibits12 said:
Ok, on my first day on Okcupid I received 8 visitors and 2 replies. I really like this one girl but she hasn't responded back yet :(
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Not too shabby. Again, don't worry about that one girl you really like. Problem with online dating and OKC especially is there's a relatively small chance the girl will ever even notice your message even if she would have ended up liking you!
 
manipulate said:
I dunno if devolution is the angriest poster on neogaf, but it sure is close!

Also. The first time you sleep with someone new is hardly going to be fantastic, no matter what. In my experience, anyway
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Only on the forums because I will inevitably come across some ignorant shit.
 
greenry said:
My goal on a dating site like POF or OKC is to move away from the dating site as quickly as possible. A couple messages at most then I am either giving my number or asking for hers and going from there. Online messaging on those sites is still pretty impersonal, just too easy to stop replying when the attraction fizzles out, if it was even there in the first place. Not saying that is what is happening with you.
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Which is what I was trying to do with the date in the first place, however I just thought it might be uncomfortable to exchange phone numbers without meeting in person first. The first time she was available would be tomorrow, so a sooner date wasn't possible. Fuck, I hope I didn't fuck this up, she seemed interested too.

Chibits12 said:
She was online. All I mentioned was how I like her profile and how we have a lot in common. It was about a five sentence long message. I know it was lame. Dang it I need to do better than that...
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You probably did okay, as long as you were fairly specific. Complementing her looks might have helped (it did in my case).


low-G said:
Do NOT create a PoF profile to contact her. That will not work for you no matter what happens. She may be 'flaking', but you're being impatient / worrying about this far too much. She's one girl. Did you suggest a place and time to meet?
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I'm not making the PoF profile, don't worry. We had a place and day set up, and she said we could do that day as long as she didn't have school work. We didn't set up a time though. :/
 
I would bail immediately if someone created an account on a totally different website to contact me under those circumstances, as it's mega creeper behavior. It's a first date from an online dating site; not exactly sacred bonds. It's asinine to randomly not say anything and flake out, but you aren't even past the scheduled date time yet. Chill out and don't be desperate, and don't give a shit about what she's doing on PoF or wherever else. If she flakes on you then just move on, if she happens to message you back before date time and confirm/reschedule then decide from there.
 
So I created a HowAboutWe account...and it looks like I already have a date! I'm also drunk right now O_o. But it said she's Christian and serious about it, and I'm an atheist. Hopefully she doesn't bring up the Bible or anything like that.
 
TheSchwab_7 said:
So I created a HowAboutWe account...and it looks like I already have a date! I'm also drunk right now O_o. But it said she's Christian and serious about it, and I'm an atheist. Hopefully she doesn't bring up the Bible or anything like that.
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I tried that site and there are a grand total of FIVE people within 25 miles on it......
 
Sanky Panky said:
Nah girla. Dryness can be solved, and tell me how often does it hurt that it can really impede sex as easily as a penis going limb?

Guys carry the heavier burden. That's undeniable.
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Who better to get advice on the natural sex tendencies of a girl than from a...guy?

lol
 
Sanky Panky said:
Sounds like a set up to steal your liver.



Unless there is some pandemic of hurting vaginas I am not aware of, I have a pretty good idea on the sex tendencies of women. Devo is just special.
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All positions work for all women and aren't uncomfortable at all. Nope.

Wanna keep this up?
 
Sanky Panky said:
Sounds like a set up to steal your liver.



Unless there is some pandemic of hurting vaginas I am not aware of, I have a pretty good idea on the sex tendencies of women. Devo is just special.
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Dude, you're getting into the territory of what got BronzeWolf banned. What I mean by that is the "All women are like such and such, and these women on GAF say that's wrong, but they are wrong, all women are like such and such!"

To set the record straight, there would be occasional times when my ex girlfriend was dry and it sort of hurt. It was extremely rare, and usually there was another factor that was probably the cause of it, but it did happen.
 
Devolution said:
All positions work for all women and aren't uncomfortable at all. Nope.

Wanna keep this up?
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That isn't even the issue. A position will work for each woman (minus those very rare cases where sex is impossible for a woman, which is not relevant to the discussion).

Hylian7 said:
Dude, you're getting into the territory of what got BronzeWolf banned. What I mean by that is the "All women are like such and such, and these women on GAF say that's wrong, but they are wrong, all women are like such and such!"

To set the record straight, there would be occasional times when my ex girlfriend was dry and it sort of hurt. It was extremely rare, and usually there was another factor that was probably the cause of it, but it did happen.
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I'm not attributing traits or putting down women at all. I'm not even making assumptions. I'm just saying that in general, difficulties in performing sex are more often faced by the men. It's not a contest for who deserves more slack, it's just a fact.
 
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