NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I dunno, man, I mean if you look like Idris Elba or Djimon Hansou, you should have no problem with women.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
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I dunno, man, I mean if you look like Idris Elba or Djimon Hansou, you should have no problem with women.
Slayer-33
Liverpool-2
Nah I got you, it was the way you were asking about it that was funny.
Vermillion
Banned
If only.
Shitty webcam pic incoming:
Wait, better that I don't...
Shitty webcam pic incoming:
Wait, better that I don't...
Vermillion
Banned
Shit. At least other races still get the "hot foreign guy stuff." Fuck.
AdventureRacing
Member
I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way but in my experience black guys tend to be very popular amongst women (of course this mostly just applies to the athletic guys). It could also be because the area i live in is mostly white people without much diversity.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Post it, dude. I need to judge how more handsome you are than me.
Is penis size still a factor in attracting women. You're black, so according to every single film and possibly porno I've seen, you got a little extra something something.
Vermillion
Banned
I sense a huge amount of sarcasm...
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Well, not sarcastic-sarcastic. I'm being genuine about the first part and disarmingly charming with the second part.
I don't think it translates well over the internet. I may have come off as a stereotyping douche, and for that I apologize.
I'm just mad at black people cause of penis envy.
I'm just joking. Seriously.
Vermillion
Banned
Eh:
Temp'd.
Temp'd.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
What the fuck guy. You're fucking good looking.
I know next to nothing about how confident, charming, witty, dickish, selfish, awesome, or how horrible you are as a human being, but you're a pretty good looking dude.
I assume if white girls don't like you, it's cause they're racist cause that's all that comes to mind.
Edit: I'm not trying to come off as gay or anything. I am confident enough in my sexuality to admit when a dude's good looking. More handsome than I.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
Lose the glasses or get those hipster Ray-Ban looking ones. Otherwise you're fine.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Go retro and get the browline/clubmaster shades. I can't pull them off, but you can pull it off and look awesome.
Vermillion
Banned
Wouldn't say it's racist... people are attracted to what they're attracted to.
And I don't mind it... thanks.
Vermillion
Banned
Ah, I'll look into that:
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Designer-Re...-Frame-Sunglasses-/180774624843#ht_2607wt_929
But I can't find it anywhere else.
Hey, could I ask you guys to take down the picture? Thought I'd put it up as a temporary thing, but I don't necessarily want it there for too long.
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Designer-Re...-Frame-Sunglasses-/180774624843#ht_2607wt_929
But I can't find it anywhere else.
Hey, could I ask you guys to take down the picture? Thought I'd put it up as a temporary thing, but I don't necessarily want it there for too long.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
For the love of all that is awesome, do not purchase those purple shades.
That's just... well, that's just awful is all I can say.
Devolution
Member
The internet is forever.
Vermillion
Banned
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
That means that Devo saved that picture of you and is going to bring it back when the end is nigh.
Almond
Member
I think it's allowed, and thanks for trying to help. I'm used to getting ignored
I might just have to wing if I don't get any replies, though I do have some other questions.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I think it's allowed, and thanks for trying to help. I'm used to getting ignored
I might just have to wing if I don't get any replies, though I do have some other questions.
It's not a bad place to ask, I just hate almonds. But, since you brought it up and it was probably missed by other posters (it happens)...
Could you perhaps give more details? Your initial query comes off as very vague. For instance, how do you know that the opposite party is interested in you, romantically or sexually?
Hausmeister
Neo Member
So I spent a lot of time with a girl from university lately, in some weeks we saw each other every day. At the moment I'm off for a three week vacation and she keeps on writing me, constantly tells me she likes my humor, likes me and she'd be fascinated that there is nothing to complain about me, which would not count for 99% of the people she knew. But she also told me a few weeks ago that she would never date a classmate (though we only have one course per week together, it's more spare time we spend together). Now: Do you think she wants more or is it friendzone lvl 100? I hate mixed signals..
CherryWoodFuton
Member
JokerOfSpades what about these???
I currently have them and they're pretty comfy and stylish
I currently have them and they're pretty comfy and stylish
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I would first ask you: Are you interested in her in a romantic way, or purely platonic? Are you willing to risk the current platonic relationship for a possible romantic one?
If so, ask her out. The whole knowing/not knowing thing is horrible, so just flat out ask her out. Or you can be direct and ask if she's interested in you. Like, literally, ask her flat-out. If she's not interested but asks why you'd ask that, tell her that some random internet jackass told you to ask her. Perfect out.
But ask her. If you're not interested in a relationship, continue as you are. She'll get the hint when you're always friendly, but not overtly interested.
Vermillion
Banned
JokerOfSpades what about these???
I currently have them and they're pretty comfy and stylish
Not bad - I'd have to try some on, though. I think I've had my current glasses for a couple of years though - they're easier to put on in the morning than my contacts.
In my experience as someone of an Atheist of mixed-backgrounds, I find that dating out of your in-group so to speak requires overwhelming effort irregardless of color.
Since I have no in-group, thus making every relationship I have an interracial one, I pretty much have to overcome this hurdle every single time.
Religion by far is the worst hurdle. Various religions like Catholicism and Islam try to negate ethnic disparities since its all good so long as the religion is the overriding factor but these same religions tend not to reconcile well with unbelievers. So even if you can find someone who is open-minded enough on the racial basis, religion will fuck you over time and again. Though for whatever reason this doesn't stop me from continuing not to learn and still hoping that this time it will work.
I frankly just ignore "race" and religion altogether and just go for it. I basically never bring it up and pretend that it doesn't exist. I'm human and so are they. Some people might be too polite to tell you that you don't "fit" their type or their expectations of who they would shack up or spend their life with, but your odds frankly improve the more you try and you just have to live with the idea that the world as it is, isn't really as open as it could be. Just get used to rejection and be willing to provide an easy out for people that don't want to literally tell you that race or ethnicity is a factor.
They key of course is to pursue personalities and not 'race' because frankly, being open-minded is a trait that can result in a lot of screwed up personalities as well, at least in my experience. It doesn't matter what color of skin a person has, if you can find the right person, which I obviously haven't, then you're set.
RawPower: You're thinking about this way too much, and in the wrong ways. You're asking the wrong questions, and it seems to me like you need these women to validate your own existence. You have to work on yourself first and foremost, then women will ask other women online the same questions you're asking now. Or better yet, they'll approach you, if you just believe that can happen. I think you need a completely new train of thought, the opposite one of the one you have now. You're into metal from what I've gathered, so am I, I go out to clubs in Maiden shirts all the time and just last weekend, a 20 year old or so came up to me because she saw the shirt, ran her fingers slowly across the letters and wanted to dance. You have to dare to make a change. It seems really scary I know, but frankly, what are the risks really? As someone who used to be scared shitless of even attempting to approach, I've realized that the perceived risks don't really exist in the first place. A lot of guys, in here and in other places, are scared of the boogeyman in some ways
Almond
Member
Well, I have had two guys in real life ask me out before, neither of them I was interested in. So, the first one I lied to and said I would meet him somewhere tomorrow and from then on I avoided him until I bumped into him in the hallway and had to say I wasn't ready for a relationship.........the second one I worked with and he cornered me and asked me for my number so I freaked and gave it too him, even though I didn't like him. He called me and tried to talk to me where we worked but I just kept ignoring him until he left me alone. I know that's really bad.....
I just get really scared and don't know what to do and want them to go away or me to get away as quickly as possible. Just in case this happens again, I want to have a better plan.
Just politely decline, or tell them that you aren't interested in anything more than a friendship at the moment. Probably best not to string them along and blow them off completely.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
RawPower: You're thinking about this way too much, and in the wrong ways. You're asking the wrong questions, and it seems to me like you need these women to validate your own existence. You have to work on yourself first and foremost, then women will ask other women online the same questions you're asking now. Or better yet, they'll approach you, if you just believe that can happen. I think you need a completely new train of thought, the opposite one of the one you have now. You're into metal from what I've gathered, so am I, I go out to clubs in Maiden shirts all the time and just last weekend, a 20 year old or so came up to me because she saw the shirt, ran her fingers slowly across the letters and wanted to dance. You have to dare to make a change. It seems really scary I know, but frankly, what are the risks really? As someone who used to be scared shitless of even attempting to approach, I've realized that the perceived risks don't really exist in the first place. A lot of guys, in here and in other places, are scared of the boogeyman in some ways
Nice.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Well, those previous two dudes, that was like the worst possible way to handle that, but at least you dealt with it.
If they ask, just flat out tell them you're not interested in a relationship. If they press, tell them in a clear voice that you either wanna remain as friends or that you want to be single right now. Or just from the outset, don't send any sort of mixed signals, and remain "professional" and at arms length from people that you don't want to hang out with outside of school/work. Be polite and friendly, but if asked to do something outside of that setting, just say you can't or you're busy or something. Do not say yes. If they ask for your number, say once again "No, not interested in a relationship." Unless they're a creepy stalker or weirdo, telling them once ought to be enough.
Almond
Member
I know those were terrible things to do, but I've never had them happen to me before, that's why I don't want them to happen again.
So a simple "No thanks" or "I'm not interested" should be ok? I just don't want to seem rude or mean.
I shouldn't be sending any mixed signals since I never talked to them, touched, or got anywhere near them or any guy really. So I know I'm ok most of the time. Thanks.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I was just busting your chops, no worries. Sometimes things happen we don't expect and since it's not what we're used to, we just get frazzled and do the wrong thing at the wrong time. I am very familiar with this.
Those are fine. They aren't rude or mean. It's the truth. It's firm. If they are normal human beings, they will accept that and move on. And since you didn't send mixed signals, you are not the one with the issue here, it was the other two dudes. I guess you're incredibly beautiful or handsome or something and give off an aura that attracts them.
I don't know if you're a man or a woman, so I use both terms. I guess you can say a man is beautiful and a woman is handsome, but that's odd. At least it feels odd.
But you're good to go.
were you actually officially in a relationship or was it just 1-2 dates?
but regardless, yeah, take the hint
"hey emily, you showed up on aarons page and i recognizedd you from seeing you at the bar all the time, i havent seen you there for a while so i added you to see if you wanted to go on a date sometime"
Almond
Member
Good, thanks (I'm a woman by the way). Now I have another big, maybe harder to answer question...
This is sort of the opposite....say there is someone I like mutually, is there an appropriate time to bring up the fact that I have never been with a guy before, and I mean nothing, not even a kiss or date? To a lot of people I'm sure that's going to be off-putting or weird for my age. Or is this something I completely ignore and just try to go with the flow?
Then there's the touching. I see all this kinowhatever brought up in here and it freaks me out. I know not all guys are the same though. How do I bring up that I'm probably not going to be that comfortable with them right away? Because things with me are probably going to move reeeaaallyyy slow, but I also don't want to scare them off.
I saw someone else post earlier about going out with someone who was 27 and never had a boyfriend and people seem to automatically think they're stuck up or no man is good enough for them, when that's not the case with me.
AdventureRacing
Member
Jokerofspades you're a pretty good looking dude. Do you go to the gym, because you look like you have the body for it. Seriously you shouldn't be complaining about not being attractive enough i can guarantee 100% that it isn't a problem at all.
If its someone that you like, and they like you, and think that a relationship between the two of you may go somewhere, then I think you should be honest with eachother. You don't have to outright tell him that you've never been in a relationship before, but if it comes up in conversation just stay cool and let him know that you haven't been with other people because you like to find people that you are comfortable with (or something to that effect).
And there is nothing wrong with taking things slowly physically. While physical contact is important in a relationship, no guy worth the effort will try and force you to do something you aren't comfortable with yet. Make it clear that you like him, but you want to take it slow to try and make it work. If he likes you back, he'll understand and give you the space you need.
Being in a relationship with someone you care for, and who cares for you, is a wonderful feeling. Good luck to you!
Nice.
This gif is awesome.
butimnotarapper
Neo Member
she must be pretty hot. good on you
Haven't got any advice to offer you unfortunately, but if you do get any suggestions I'd be curious to know how they work out. I'm a 34-year-old guy and am in a similar position, i.e. I've never had a girlfriend, and the questions you have posed are very much similar to some of the questions that I'll have once I get into a financial position to actually put positive effort into attempting to get into dating.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Eh, she is not hot by normal hot standards. More of a personality thing. Also her mom is a fat, smelly, lazy cat bitch that cares more for animals than people. Which is why I knew I wasn't going to marry her since most people turn out like their parents.
Why get scared? You should take it as a compliment. Just politely but confidently decline. If you want to be 'nice' just compliment them back on having the guts to talk to you and wish them luck for the next time they ask someone. Then get back to whatever you were doing. Words don't matter, it's all about your attitude, you should be positive, confident and asssertive.
How do you know it's going to be off-putting? Maybe the guy will wonder if there's something wrong with you or if you're stuck up. Or maybe he will have respect for the fact that you have a modicum of self contol and are not a slut. Ultimately he will judge that relative to all the other information you communicate to him. If you are cool, confident, smart, funny, assertive, intelligent and project that you are cool, confident, smart, funny, assertive, intelligent then that is how people will judge you.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
If you guys mutually like each other, then just be honest about it. Maybe don't bring it up out of the blue, like "Oh by the way, I've never been relationship, soooooo", but if it organically comes up in conversation, just be honest and let him know. Say you really like him but right now you just want to take things a little slow. If the dude's a good dude and he likes you, he'll accept that. If he pushes you or pressures you, he's probably not a good dude. Move at a speed that you are comfortable with.
You're 34!? Your avatar makes you look like... 16 :/
Unless that photo was taken when you were 16.
Post 6000!
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
How old are you? And there's any reason you haven't?
Usually, it's a bit weird, but nowhere near dealbreaker.
luckyboyceo
Member
Looking for a bit of help in some positive thinking here.
The girl I've been with for a little while now (2 months) is coming over tonight to "chat." She's been overwhelmed with work/school lately and I've noticed a clear change in her behavior towards me, albeit during texting, not in person.
I've kind of been panicking lately cause her behavior has just been really off (texting me one word responses, not texting me at all, etc.), and it's been starting to take a toll on me, cause honestly, I really like her. Though we hung out Saturday night and things were totally normal.
Any positive thoughts/advice to get my mind out of the dump would be very much appreciated. I'm trying to go into this "chat" as confident as I can, and I know I won't be able to in my current mindset. Thanks in advance.
The girl I've been with for a little while now (2 months) is coming over tonight to "chat." She's been overwhelmed with work/school lately and I've noticed a clear change in her behavior towards me, albeit during texting, not in person.
I've kind of been panicking lately cause her behavior has just been really off (texting me one word responses, not texting me at all, etc.), and it's been starting to take a toll on me, cause honestly, I really like her. Though we hung out Saturday night and things were totally normal.
Any positive thoughts/advice to get my mind out of the dump would be very much appreciated. I'm trying to go into this "chat" as confident as I can, and I know I won't be able to in my current mindset. Thanks in advance.
Damn, man, how much money do you need to go on a date? I've been on a 2-3 dates in the last month or so, and I've spent anywhere from $2 to $5. Do you plan on taking her on to The Ritz?
So my date is finally this weekend. It's actually my first proper 1 on 1 date and my first online date. Other times it's always been with groups or hanging out with friends. Gonna go somewhere to have dinner(good but casual place) then to a bar or something after. Literally have no idea how it's going to pan out yet, anywhere from she might not show to we hit it off completely but should be interesting none the less.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
She's probably too busy with her work to put much thought in messages. If she's normal in person, don't give it second thoughts.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
If she's overwhelmed, maybe she just wants to take a break instead of break up?
Maybe just prepare for the end and meet (the possible) death (of your relationship) head-on. Other than that, I've got nothing. Sorry
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