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[Pachimari]

It appears that both Anastacio and Sealda are in Denmark.

Hmmmm.

We are not the same person, mods check the IP's please.

And I like being myself instead of trying to "fit in with the norm". I have had a very depressed past, so at least I'm very proud of having overcome a lot of challenges in the last few years. Nobody can take that away from me.

 

[Zerokku]

So in an effort to get back into the dating scene and get over all my crazy insecurities from my previous relationship I gave okcupid a shot. After messaging with a girl back and forth over the past week, we decided to go on a coffee date sometime next week.

Any advice/suggestions/etc.? I'm rather nervous since I haven't dated anyone in ~3 years (my last relationship ended badly, and did a number to me emotionally). Not to mention all of my previous relationships were just ones that kind of happened, no real proper dates that came before an actual relationship like this.

I'm kind of out of my element here.

 

[ShdwDrake]

You guys need to be llike me and not give a duck about these females... Day drunk like a champ tho I need a gf not a real gf tho

 

[johnny_park]

So in an effort to get back into the dating scene and get over all my crazy insecurities from my previous relationship I gave okcupid a shot. After messaging with a girl back and forth over the past week, we decided to go on a coffee date sometime next week.

Any advice/suggestions/etc.? I'm rather nervous since I haven't dated anyone in ~3 years (my last relationship ended badly, and did a number to me emotionally). Not to mention all of my previous relationships were just ones that kind of happened, no real proper dates that came before an actual relationship like this.

I'm kind of out of my element here.

Coffee is boring. Do something else. My last first date I went on was at the driving range.

 

[Zerokku]

Coffee is boring. Do something else. My last first date I went on was at the driving range.

She asked me out for coffee.

Coffee is good for intellectual types (as in you can hold a conversation with meaning for hours). Driving range would bore me, for example.

This too. I mean, the two of us hit it off because of our mutual love of books.

 

[low-G]

Coffee is boring. Do something else. My last first date I went on was at the driving range.

Coffee is good for intellectual types (as in you can hold a conversation with meaning for hours). Driving range would bore me, for example.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Anyone else than me finding waiting for txts back to be torture sometimes?

It burns your soul doesn't it.

 

[Devolution]

You guys need to be llike me and not give a duck about these females... Day drunk like a champ tho I need a gf not a real gf tho

 

[Chinner]

It burns your soul doesn't it.

i was well gutted last night when the girl i accused of smelling fish (in this instance, kippers) did not reply.

 

[soultron]

i was well gutted last night when the girl i accused of smelling fish (in this instance, kippers) did not reply.

What an idiot. Kippers taste great.

 

[Log4Girlz]

i was well gutted last night when the girl i accused of smelling fish (in this instance, kippers) did not reply.

You know what you must do. Send her 500 texts.

 

[RawPower]

I tried another girl today, but it didn't work out so well.

I saw a girl in a book store and I told her I liked her shirt. She just dryly said "thanks" and walked off despite the fact we were both in line. I didn't bother pursuing, and my confidence took a nose dive after this. Did I do anything wrong here?

 

[Log4Girlz]

I tried another girl today, but it didn't work out so well.

I saw a girl in a book store and I told her I liked her shirt. She just dryly said "thanks" and walked off despite the fact we were both in line. I didn't bother pursuing. Did I do anything wrong here?

You didn't tap her on the shoulder as she walked away.

 

[soultron]

I tried another girl today, but it didn't work out so well.

I saw a girl in a book store and I told her I liked her shirt. She just dryly said "thanks" and walked off. I didn't bother pursuing. Did I do anything wrong here?

Ask them about something instead of opening with a compliment.

"Hey, where'd you get that shirt?"

Conversation flows from there if she's interested. Even if she continues conversation, she might not be interested. There's nothing wrong with any of this. You just have to keep on working at getting better as a conversationalist, that's all.

 

[RawPower]

Ask them about something instead of opening with a compliment.

"Hey, where'd you get that shirt?"

Conversation flows from there if she's interested. Even if she continues conversation, she might not be interested. There's nothing wrong with any of this. You just have to keep on working at getting better as a conversationalist, that's all.

I don't think that's going to happen. I'm a fucking horrible conversationalist.

Also, I updated that post with extra info, for more clarity..

 

[Cubsfan23]

I tried another girl today, but it didn't work out so well.

I saw a girl in a book store and I told her I liked her shirt. She just dryly said "thanks" and walked off despite the fact we were both in line. I didn't bother pursuing, and my confidence took a nose dive after this. Did I do anything wrong here?

say it without trying to get something from her, and you won't care. You're also more likely to get a positive response.

 

[Log4Girlz]

I don't think that's going to happen. I'm a fucking horrible conversationalist.

Also, I updated that post with extra info, for more clarity..

Give them a nice, warm smile. If they smile back, they are less likely to run from you.

 

[RawPower]

You didn't tap her on the shoulder as she walked away.

You do know that some guys/girls will take this at face value, right?

say it without trying to get something from her, and you won't care. You're also more likely to get a positive response.

I don't know what you mean.

 

[Log4Girlz]

You do know that some guys/girls will take this at face value, right?

Let's ask Sealda.

 

[low-G]

I tried another girl today, but it didn't work out so well.

I saw a girl in a book store and I told her I liked her shirt. She just dryly said "thanks" and walked off despite the fact we were both in line. I didn't bother pursuing, and my confidence took a nose dive after this. Did I do anything wrong here?

Wait, you got a place up in line out of that?

say it without trying to get something from her, and you won't care. You're also more likely to get a positive response.

Yeah, best advice again. Praising someone or their clothes or whatever and expecting her to be all 'I want to chat with you' isn't the right way to go about it.

If she thought you were looking for something back in your complement that would negatively affect her impression of you. Rather than the shirt complement being genuine, it's "I want something so I'll say something nice and now it's your turn". Some girls will think that even if you are being genuine, but the fact that you were hurt by her not engaging you shows you were looking for something in return.

 

[RawPower]

Wait, you got a place up in line out of that?

She was behind me in line when I first saw her.

Yeah, best advice again. Praising someone or their clothes or whatever and expecting her to be all 'I want to chat with you' isn't the right way to go about it.

If she thought you were looking for something back in your complement that would negatively affect her impression of you. Rather than the shirt complement being genuine, it's "I want something so I'll say something nice and now it's your turn". Some girls will think that even if you are being genuine, but the fact that you were hurt by her not engaging you shows you were looking for something in return.

How am I supposed to hide my motives, exactly? I didn't even do or say anything to her after she left. I simply turned around and proceeded to purchase my books, although I felt pretty crappy inside considering she gave up her place in line just to get away from me.

 

[Cubsfan23]

I don't know what you mean.

You were attached to the outcome. That's how I know you wanted something from her.


Don't have any "motives" unless it's to give without the expectation of getting something back.

 

[Chinner]

I don't think that's going to happen. I'm a fucking horrible conversationalist.

Also, I updated that post with extra info, for more clarity..

ask them open questions that you know they can talk about. if you see somebody wearing a football shirt, ask how the game went etc.

 

[leadbelly]

How am I supposed to hide my motives, exactly? I didn't even do or say anything to her after she left. I simply turned around and proceeded to purchase my books, although I felt pretty crappy inside considering she gave up her place in line just to get away from me.

Well first of all, I'm not sure trying to spark up a conversation while waiting in a queue is the right way to go about it. I'm not sure anyone is interested in having a conversation with a strange man while waiting in a queue. I think they are more interested in paying for whatever it is they are in the queue for.

 

[RawPower]

You were attached to the outcome. That's how I know you wanted something from her.


Don't have any "motives" unless it's to give without the expectation of getting something back.

So you're saying I should try talking to a girl I'm interested in, but without "motives". That doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Well first of all, I'm not sure trying to spark up a conversation while waiting in a queue is the right way to go about it. I'm not sure anyone is interested in having a conversation with a strange man while waiting in a queue. I think they are more interested in paying for whatever it is they are in the queue for.

If I can't do it there, then where can I do it?

This is so confusing, and it's frustrating the hell out of me.

 

[Cubsfan23]

So you're saying I should try talking to a girl I'm interested in,

There are only women you might decide to hook up with/date/whatever


adopt this mentality.

 

[leadbelly]

So you're saying I should try talking to a girl I'm interested in, but without "motives". That doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Well sometimes it is best to just get to know someone. Let her get to know you. It might be that she is kind of interested, but uncertain about whether she is interested enough to form some kind of relationship. Of course if she is not interested in getting to know you at all it is pretty much pointless.

 

[low-G]

RawPower, can I ask what the shirt she was wearing was? Not necessarily any significance I'm just curious now.

 

[leadbelly]

If I can't do it there, then where can I do it?

This is so confusing, and it's frustrating the hell out of me.

lol

Sometimes women can be confusing. Not saying all women are confusing, but sometimes...

 

[RawPower]

RawPower, can I ask what the shirt she was wearing was? Not necessarily any significance I'm just curious now.

I'd rather not, on the off chance that she's a gamer and might read this, hah.

Well sometimes it is best to just get to know someone. Let her get to know you. It might be that she is kind of interested, but uncertain about whether she is interested enough to form some kind of relationship. Of course if she is not interested in getting to know you at all it is pretty much pointless.

But where do I get to know her? How do I get to know her if I can't even talk to her in certain situations or places? Does this mean I should never ask for a girls number after our first encounter?

Now you've confused me even more. Thanks. D:

 

[Log4Girlz]

I'd rather not, on the off chance that she's a gamer and might read this, hah.

Eh, then you would be improving your odds.

 

[defel]

Saying "I like your shirt" is too bland and boring to pique anyone's interest. You need to start trying to notice unique and interesting things about the people around you. I do this when Im commuting or shopping or whatever and just look at people, anyone, and try to notice something about them. Do they look shy, confident, do they seem happy, concerned or worried, maybe they look relaxed or calm. They could be wearing a particularly striking piece of clothing, maybe brightly coloured or unusual. If you can adapt it to them it will at least capture their interest, even if for a second. Say you see a hot girl who you read as being in a very bubbly mood, stop her and make that observation.

Also remember that its 30 per cent what you say and 70 per cent how you say it.

 

[RawPower]

Saying "I like your shirt" is too bland and boring to pique anyone's interest. You need to start trying to notice unique and interesting things about the people around you. I do this when Im commuting or shopping or whatever and just look at people, anyone, and try to notice something about them. Do they look shy, confident, do they seem happy, concerned or worried, maybe they look relaxed or calm. They could be wearing a particularly striking piece of clothing, maybe brightly coloured or unusual. If you can adapt it to them it will at least capture their interest, even if for a second. Say you see a hot girl who you read as being in a very bubbly mood, stop her and make that observation.

Also remember that its 30 per cent what you say and 70 per cent how you say it.

Does this work for you? Can you give me an example of one successful encounter you've had, like what did you say and how did you say it? I feel like I need some sort of blueprint or something, heheh.

 

[Devolution]

If I can't do it there, then where can I do it?

This is so confusing, and it's frustrating the hell out of me.

If you open up with a question to us it's less likely to be seen as you overly hitting on us. Stuff like "nice shirt" is one step away from "nice ass." Some women hate this and you won't necessarily know who just from outside appearances. If you ask where we acquired something you're showing a genuine interest in us rather than some half-baked remark about our appearance.

 

[Chinner]

Eh, then you would be improving your odds.

"do you know i post on neogaf? its a very exclusive community and i'm a internet celebrity who hangs out with famous videogame developers. have you heard off "cliffyb"? well he indirectly mentioned me when he made a thread thanking gamers for buying gears of war 3".

 

[RawPower]

If you open up with a question to us it's less likely to be seen as you overly hitting on us. Stuff like "nice shirt" is one step away from "nice ass." Some women hate this and you won't necessarily know who just from outside appearances. If you ask where we acquired something you're showing a genuine interest in us rather than some half-baked remark about our appearance.

Thank you, for at least getting straight to point instead of being somewhat vague about it like everybody else.

Spoiler

No offense, dudes. I appreciate the help you're all giving me.

 

[leadbelly]

But where do I get to know her? How do I get to know her if I can't even talk to her in certain situations or places? Does this mean I should never ask for a girls number after our first encounter?

Now you've confused me even more. Thanks. D:

lol

Yes, but the particular place you decided to spark this conversation up was in a fucking queue. It is not exactly the best place to start.

A woman reading a book on a train for instance, at least you have something to talk about. You can ask her about the book, and go from there.

 

[superfly]

Ok here is a summary of my current situ:

• Met a girl online about 6 weeks ago
• Chatted to her for about a week and a booty call transpired
• Didn't expect anything more as she finishes work every night at 1am (working at a newspaper)
• However started seeing her around 3 nights a week
• Realised after a month that she was actually pretty cool and that I liked her
• However her work situ wasn't ideal for developing something too serious, but I decided to go with the flow, whilst keepong my options open
• She also was really keen for unprotected sex, but given the circumstances of how we met I said no way jose.
• Then met another chick who I dated a couple of times, but didn't feel right balancing the two, so I dropped her to focus on girl 1
• Last night she came round, and we discussed "the situation" and I told her I like her, but I'm not ready for anything too serious yet, that we should go with the flow and keep it open
• She said she got the wrong end of the stick, that she thought we were serious and she wasn't comfortable about the option to see other guys
• I explained I wasn't going to mess her around, I just wanted to be straight with her. I also said this could have gone very differently given how we met, but that it was better to be upfront about it than mess her around
• She then left crying saying "it isn't hard to commit to someone"

That's a brief summary. I feel shitty because she is a cool chick, and I wasn't expecting her to end things. However, I know realistically, given her job, that it would be hard to develop something beyond her staying a few nights a week and hanging out the day on Saturdays.

The no condom thing also perplexed me. I kept saying to her to be responsible a. for contraception and b. because we didn't know where each other had been, and she'd get annoyed mostly about point b.

So, do I just let this fade? I actually feel bad as we had a lot of good times, but I wasn't ready to commit yet. She is a great gal, but better for me to be honest right?

 

[RawPower]

lol

Yes, but the particular place you decided to spark this conversation up was in a fucking queue. It is not exactly the best place to start.

A woman reading a book on a train for instance, at least you have something to talk about. You can ask her about the book, and go from there.

I just wish I knew more about literature.

 

[FO-totality]

I just wish I knew more about literature.

Maybe asking her about the book, wanting to learn some good reads or something to expand your knowledge is a way to go? Just throwing ideas out.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I just wish I knew more about literature.

Wikipedia/Cole's Notes the most popular books and you'll be fine. I see a lot of people reading these books:
-Millennium trilogy (Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)
-Harry Potter
-A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones)

EDIT: Fifty Shades of Grey is pretty popular nowadays, but it's borderline erotica. The things people read.

 

[SpectreFire]

So I've pretty much confirmed both girls have bailed out on me.

I just don't know why, and I can't understand the charade leading up to it.

 

[RawPower]

Wikipedia/Cole's Notes the most popular books and you'll be fine. I see a lot of people reading these books:
-Millennium trilogy (Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)
-Harry Potter
-A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones)

EDIT: Fifty Shades of Grey is pretty popular nowadays, but it's borderline erotica. The things people read.

I'm not sure pretending to be a book worm is the best way to go.

 

[jasonng]

Then dont pretend. You wish you knew more about literature so find books that might interest you and start reading them.

 

[RawPower]

Then dont pretend. You wish you knew more about literature so find books that might interest you and start reading them.

I'll try.

 

[Zerokku]

Then dont pretend. You wish you knew more about literature so find books that might interest you and start reading them.

This. Hell, pop into the "What Are You Reading" thread and you can probably get plenty of recommendations based on books/games/movies etc. you have previously enjoyed.

 

[superfly]

any advice for me? feel pretty crap

 

[RawPower]

This. Hell, pop into the "What Are You Reading" thread and you can probably get plenty of recommendations based on books/games/movies etc. you have previously enjoyed.

Sounds like a good idea. So should I give up on trying to get girls in the mean time?

 

[Xun]

I really do wish I was still at college, but instead of living at home, living on campus.

Bah.

Ah well, got to stay positive I guess...

 

[AnathemicOne]

Well the girl I liked just confided to me that she's thinking/believing that instead of being bisexual she's lesbian. So I answered in that ill support her all the way in it.

Well I guess this closes the door on whatever romantic affection I had for her. Ill get over it in a few days to a week but yeah... its over and out of mind now right? Time to look elsewhere.