Wandering Leopard
Member
Thanks MrSmith and Cubsfan, I think I'll have to just 'jump in' in future and see how things go. First steps are usually the hardest.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
The last bolded: great advice. Thanks
And how would I go about combining the first and second bolded?Though luckily the friend of mine who also came along kind of wants to set us up. So I guess she'll try to get us together a couple more times. It's probably best if I don't contact her again before then?
This sucks. Dating like this sucks
If she doesn't reply then don't contact her until you have a plan of action. You're looking to reset your initial encounter at this point rather than to build from it.
Think about it this way. If an attractive woman texts you, how busy would you need to be in order not to text her back? Same goes for her.
You've lost a battle in the war but not the war itself, but going forward there has to be a better offensive plan that achieves your goal.
Keep calm, collected and in control.
Does this suck? Yes it does and I've learned all of this from doing exactly the wrong thing and adapting. It's a whole different ballgame as an adult than in school for instance. It's primarily because we're men and like to go from A to B without messing around. If I hate you I'll let you know and if I say Yes, I probably don't mean No.
Women on the other hand have turned socializing into an art form most me aren't familiar with, whether they know it or not. You have to articulate your drive into a more nuanced approach that does the same thing, in this case, getting what you want asap while maintaining your cool manner and agenda. Remember not to put all your emotional eggs in one basket either.
Your chance was at the wedding. With the Facebook message you basically said: "hi, I really wanted to talk to you at the wedding, but I didn't have the balls to do it. Can you please overlook that and go out with me? Thanks."
Speaking from experience, once you are resorting to social media, the war is lost. Your only hope is if you see her again in person, but your ahem, charming message might have put you in the 'creepy' category. The irony was, that if you said those things in person it might (*) not have been that creepy.
(*) Depending on how attractive you are, delivery and your body langauage.
luckyboyceo
Member
Regret is a million times worse than rejection.
You get rejected? You shake it off and move on. You don't ask? You think about it for the rest of the day. Hell, you posted here, you're already regretting your decision.
Go for it.
Also, this. I know it's easier said than done, but this helps immensely. Think about how many times you've had conversations with girls you have no interest in and how easy they've been? When we associate feelings or place someone on a pedestal is when we start to choke up. Work on doing this and you'll be just fine.
Yeah, I'm hoping I'll be able to, despite no longer being in college.
I want to socialise more, and do what I missed during college if possible. :/
AdventureRacing
Member
So now i'm going out for lunch with my ex on Monday, I haven't seen her since we broke up 4 months ago and until a few days ago we hadn't even spoken for a month. I don't think we're getting back together but i d wonder what her intentions are.
Maybe i'm just wrecking the good progress i made but seeing her again but i feel like i've come far enough that i'm ok with it.
Maybe i'm just wrecking the good progress i made but seeing her again but i feel like i've come far enough that i'm ok with it.
Sanky Panky
Banned
Dangerous territory. What do YOU expect to come out of it? Why did you agree? (aside from thinking you are ok)
AdventureRacing
Member
Well we were best friends before we were partners so i feel bad leaving the friendship on such a sour note. I doubt we will end up being friends in the long term but it would be nice to actually see her in person before this happens (the breakup happened via text). Maybe i will change my mind and actually decide to be friends with her, it depends how i feel when i see her.
Besides that it would be nice to see my cat again, i almost miss him more than her (i was very close to my cat lol).
luckyboyceo
Member
I can understanding wanting to see the cat, but I'd be cautious about seeing your ex. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of your feelings rush back, and like you said, that could potentially throw off a lot of the progress you've made.
Of course, if you think you can handle it, go for it. You know yourself better than anyone here. I wish you the best and let us know how it goes.
This is so true
I have those on a daily basis, both with strangers and with friends and that's not scary for a second. There's no logical reason why it should be scary at night time Of course you're able to do it. There's no doubt in my mind that I can do it. Again, there's no reason why there should be any doubt in yours.
Hehe, not a bad idea even if most of them thought he was acting weird :lol
GeneralIroh
Member
Hey guys, I got a problem. So i've been dating this girl for a few weeks and we were getting real close until I introduced her to my friends by saying "this is my friend ___" Now she is upset that I didn't call her my GF and it looks like we're not seeing each other anymore. Any chance of recovering from this?
I was always under the impression that it takes time before one becomes bf x gf but she wants to speeds things up. By the third hangout, she implied that I should change my name on her phone to bf but since we've barely dated or boned I was hesitant.
I was always under the impression that it takes time before one becomes bf x gf but she wants to speeds things up. By the third hangout, she implied that I should change my name on her phone to bf but since we've barely dated or boned I was hesitant.
Boozeroony
Member
Red flags all over. You dodged the bullet.
If you are...were dating official then you're gonna have to kiss a lot of ass.
But if she kirks over something so trivial as a title in an introduction even though you've only been dating a few* weeks, is it really worth it?
*How long is a "few" weeks?
So I am stuck in a weird situation, I am starting to think one of my best friends may have a crush on me right now, which I am 100% fine with BUT me and her best friend used to date and she is my best friends ex GF (though it has been years since they have gone out)
Conflicted right now :/
Conflicted right now :/
GeneralIroh
Member
About a month... I guess i dodged a bullet but I feel like I lost my chances in my dating life. Pathetic right? I know i shouldn't settle for less and that there are plenty of fishes in the sea but I'm fed up with fishing and having my line snap. It was really nice having the security of someone being into you.
Freaking hell! Now my ex who have been threatening and harassing me (and who I have ignored) is chatting with my girlfriend who want to be nice to her. How am I supposed to react? I know my ex only want to hurt me so my gf is a perfect target.
So far I have just told my gf that I don't like it cause my ex have been harassing me but I'm not one to tell her what to do or not to, so it's her choice.
And my gf is asking me if we're going to be enemies as well if and when we break up, cause she knows I don't have a good relation to two of my exes. She think it's strange and funny. =/
Anything you guys have to add?
So far I have just told my gf that I don't like it cause my ex have been harassing me but I'm not one to tell her what to do or not to, so it's her choice.
And my gf is asking me if we're going to be enemies as well if and when we break up, cause she knows I don't have a good relation to two of my exes. She think it's strange and funny. =/
Anything you guys have to add?
Boozeroony
Member
Quit now and you save yourself a lot of hassle later on. Yeah, having someone is nice, but both you and your gf deserve better. Who are you fooling?
Hey, I need your guys help. So I have been friends with a girl for ten or so months now and have started to hang out more. She is currently my only friend in the city since all my other friends are out of city in school or the military. This past Saturday I asked her to go to the movies with me this week and she said she'd love too, but would have to check her work schedule. On Monday I texted her asking if she got her schedule yet so that I could plan my week accordingly. I never get a reply so I send another message and don't get a reply. On Tuesday I call her and leave a message saying to call me to see if we were still on for the movies. I don't get a reply. I am now starting to worry if something is wrong. Maybe her dog passed away (it was sick a few weeks earlier), or maybe her phone was broken/stolen. I decide to visit her apartment before I head to my job (get to her place at around 10:30pm). I call once I'm there and get no answer. She lives in an apartment complex where you need a key to get in. I buzz in on her buzz-pager thing that most apartment complexes have, but she doesn't answer. The buzzer is so old that I assume that it's broken (it's litterally falling off the wall). I manage to get in anyway and knock on her door a few times, but no answer (I know she's home since she has her lights on and tv going). I also call once more, again no answer. I wait a while then get a text from her saying "I need you to leave NOW, you are fucking freaking me out.". I then text her my apology, telling her that I was only worried, then say goodbye.
So apparantly she was just ignoring me. After the first two knocks she turned off the tv and quieted down her dog (proving that nothing was wrong with her dog). The text she sent me telling me to leave also showed that her phone was a-ok. I am really worried that I just destroyed the only friendship I had in this town, and the worst part is that I don't know why she started ignoring me out of nowhere. I know this is dating-age, but I only want to save my friendship with her so I don't go back to the crushing loneliness I was in before I befriended her. Do you have any advice on to how to solve this or at least find out why she started ignoring me. I will even take any criticisms too (like if I was being creepy or something). Anything will help, I just don't want to be alone again.
So apparantly she was just ignoring me. After the first two knocks she turned off the tv and quieted down her dog (proving that nothing was wrong with her dog). The text she sent me telling me to leave also showed that her phone was a-ok. I am really worried that I just destroyed the only friendship I had in this town, and the worst part is that I don't know why she started ignoring me out of nowhere. I know this is dating-age, but I only want to save my friendship with her so I don't go back to the crushing loneliness I was in before I befriended her. Do you have any advice on to how to solve this or at least find out why she started ignoring me. I will even take any criticisms too (like if I was being creepy or something). Anything will help, I just don't want to be alone again.
My advice would be to just let it go. Give it a couple of months to let this situation settle down and wait until she contacts you. Meanwhile, go out and meet other people. Keep yourself busy. Yea, being lonely sucks but at least its not as bad as getting the cops involved and receiving a restraining order.
There is a rule man. Text once and wait, if you get nothing, then fucking let it go. Don't keep texting and texting and texting and texting and fucking calling and calling and heading to their apartment etc. Fucking creepy man. Learn that lesson man.
Yeah, lesson learned. I had the best intentions at heart, I just acted on them incorrectly.
Id say that you didn't do anything wrong* untill you waited outside her apartment after you knew she was fine and was just ignoring you. What the hell were you thinking at that point man? But dont feel too bad, if you went from friend of 10 months to creep just because you reacted poorly to her suddenly ignoring you then she didnt think too highly of you in the first place. You can find better friends.
*if you're being truthful with us
Opus Angelorum
Member
Not sure this the right thread for this.
My girlfriend of three years told me yesterday she no longer loves me, and I've moved out back to my mums.
I am in so much pain.
Just thought I'd give you guys an update.
It took me 5 days to get over her. Having been able to remove myself from the situation, I quickly realised she had done nothing for me except take me for granted and betrayed my absolute trust.
That is history.
I joined up to a dating site, and began talking with a girl near my city. We connected immediately.
We've been seeing each other for three weeks now, and I have never felt better. She is a great girl who appreciates me for who I am, and gives me so much affection and happiness.
<3
I'm being truthful. I don't even know why I waited to be perfectly honest. Maybe I was in denial that she was ignoring me, that maybe she was just asleep. Thinking back on it now, after I've cleared my head, the entire thing was poorly planned. I won't text her back anymore and will move on. If one day she texts me back, then super, but if not, then at least it was an interesting life lesson.
No! Bad kewlmyc! The only reason it would be super if she texts is because that would give you an opportunity to chew her ass out. Like I said, she clearly doesn't think highly of you, regardless of how you reacted what she did was worse. Dont put up with that shit just cause you're lonley. Again, you can find better friends.
Going to type this out and post it just to help think this through. Any opinions are are welcome.
Back in December I went out a few times with my sister's room mate (probably a terrible idea but I liked her). Anyways we went out a few times and she kept telling me I should come over to watch a movie at her place. So I did, nothing ended up happening (We had talked about her having "commitment issues" previously and she seemed pretty scared that night so I didn't want to be to pushy) Things went quiet after that, texting once or twice a week and we ended up falling out.
Three months later out of the blue she texts me saying that she didn't like the way we left things and she missed hanging out and talking. Shitty timing for me since I was dating someone else at the time (not serious yet) and it made me realize I still would rather be with her. Text a bit over the next few weeks and end up spending some time together yesterday in a small group. Both had a good time and have been texting a lot over the last week.
I want to get into a relationship with her, she says she wants to be friends. We both know how the other feels about this. I've made some comments about us getting together that she seems at least receptive to. I think her baggage stems from a previous relationship that ended badly and her brother dieing years ago.
She clearly likes me and enjoys spending time with me. I think this whole wanting to be friends thing is her being scared of being in another relationship because of her baggage.
I enjoy spending time with her, so I'm going to be hanging out with her some over the next month or two and hope it ends up going somewhere. What I cant decide is just how fast to push the issue. Honestly if we just end up being friends I'm ok with that, but I definitely want more than that.
Back in December I went out a few times with my sister's room mate (probably a terrible idea but I liked her). Anyways we went out a few times and she kept telling me I should come over to watch a movie at her place. So I did, nothing ended up happening (We had talked about her having "commitment issues" previously and she seemed pretty scared that night so I didn't want to be to pushy) Things went quiet after that, texting once or twice a week and we ended up falling out.
Three months later out of the blue she texts me saying that she didn't like the way we left things and she missed hanging out and talking. Shitty timing for me since I was dating someone else at the time (not serious yet) and it made me realize I still would rather be with her. Text a bit over the next few weeks and end up spending some time together yesterday in a small group. Both had a good time and have been texting a lot over the last week.
I want to get into a relationship with her, she says she wants to be friends. We both know how the other feels about this. I've made some comments about us getting together that she seems at least receptive to. I think her baggage stems from a previous relationship that ended badly and her brother dieing years ago.
She clearly likes me and enjoys spending time with me. I think this whole wanting to be friends thing is her being scared of being in another relationship because of her baggage.
I enjoy spending time with her, so I'm going to be hanging out with her some over the next month or two and hope it ends up going somewhere. What I cant decide is just how fast to push the issue. Honestly if we just end up being friends I'm ok with that, but I definitely want more than that.
MutantCyborg
Member
Weird start to my day... I was taking a break from a test and walked out of the classroom with a few friends. About 2 minutes of my friends and I just standing around talking, a kid comes up and hands me a note with a phone number on it. After looking puzzled for a second, he says this girl wants to talk to me. I thank him and he walks away. This girl was/is good friends with my ex (who I am still not over) and she was around often with my ex and I. Also I should mention that she was seeing someone at that time, and seemed to really like him. (I believe she is still seeing the same kid, not sure though since I hadn't really kept in touch with her since me and my ex split)
So I text this girl trying to see whats up. She apparently did want to talk to me, but she is now dancing around the reason and kinda just bullshitting with me right now.
What I want this to be about: Her speaking to me on behalf of my Ex.
What I think it is: She liked me when I was dating her friend. (Possibly talked her into breaking up with me) I believe this because she would find ways to jokingly annoy (flirt with) me almost everyday. She found out that I don't like nicknames so she created one for me.
She's kinda cute; very noisy though - she loves to talk (luckily she doesn't have an annoying voice).
So I text this girl trying to see whats up. She apparently did want to talk to me, but she is now dancing around the reason and kinda just bullshitting with me right now.
What I want this to be about: Her speaking to me on behalf of my Ex.
What I think it is: She liked me when I was dating her friend. (Possibly talked her into breaking up with me) I believe this because she would find ways to jokingly annoy (flirt with) me almost everyday. She found out that I don't like nicknames so she created one for me.
She's kinda cute; very noisy though - she loves to talk (luckily she doesn't have an annoying voice).
This sounds like it has "bad idea" written all over it. Perhaps there is more to the story that I'm missing here?
Some new girl started at my work today. Holy shit, she is so hot. I think she was just filling in then though and doesn't normally work when I'm on. I only spoke to her for a little bit. I wanted to catch her on the way out as we got off at the same time but but missed her. I have this weird thing where if a girl is hot, as in VERY hot I can talk to her easier than if she was just good looking. Like no nerves, no hesitation, nothing. Strange. I was thinking of adding her on facebook but it's too stalkerish to do it that fast and she has no mutual friends. Oh well, I guess next time if I see her working I'll just have to go for it.
luckyboyceo
Member
So my ex (the one who left me for someone else a month ago) has been liking/commenting a lot of my facebook photos and statuses lately. To be honest, I'm kind of annoyed by it. She seems to be acting like nothing is wrong, when in reality I'm still really upset with how things ended (her suddenly leaving me for someone else). She's also tried to facebook chat me a few times.
I'm conflicted. I don't want to come off as bitter or upset about how our relationship ended (despite being so), and I feel like this is what I'd convey if I were to just ignore her. On the other hand, I don't necessarily want to respond and give her the idea that everything is fine and we can go on being friends, because I'm far from ready for that. Should I just give her a short closed response?
I know I'm probably over-thinking this here, but it's the first time we've had interactions since we've split, so I'm not sure how to approach it. Any thoughts are appreciated.
I'm conflicted. I don't want to come off as bitter or upset about how our relationship ended (despite being so), and I feel like this is what I'd convey if I were to just ignore her. On the other hand, I don't necessarily want to respond and give her the idea that everything is fine and we can go on being friends, because I'm far from ready for that. Should I just give her a short closed response?
I know I'm probably over-thinking this here, but it's the first time we've had interactions since we've split, so I'm not sure how to approach it. Any thoughts are appreciated.
Man, I felt sorry for you, her, and the dog reading all that. :lol
Never go to girl's place uninvited, especially at night and if you're not fucking her yet. Just a regular lady "friend" though? Nah, wait for her to respond to your texts. Don't try to be her superhero.
The only advice I can give is make your intentions clear with her. You want to be with her, so tell her that. Don't assume she knows this, or think your feelings have changed. Tell her again if need be. That should be all the "pushing the issue" you need to do.
From my experience with girls who had relationship baggage, they are still (very) willing to date, just a bit more cautious of jumping right in. It's a variant of the "I'm not looking/ready for a relationship right now" line that actually means "I haven't found anyone who's realtionship potential". So, she might want to date you, but she wants to MAKE SURE you're not crazy like her ex.
You've already put too much thought into this. As for being able to talk to her, great
Maybe it's because she is "too beautiful" for you so you feel like you've already lost, thus it won't be a problem? I've thought similar things back in the day.I am being incredibly clear about how I feel about it. Short of actually asking her to come to bed. I just suck at this kind of stuff so typing it and reading it helps me to make sure I'm not just being crazy.
Future PhaZe
Member
Just get her out of your life whatever way you can, especially if she's with another person right now.
Easier said than done...the heart wants what the heart wants, but could you ever really trust her again?
MutantCyborg
Member
Just basically confirmed that this is about what I thought it was.
After pushing a little more she basically said that her girlfriend was supposed to give me the number because she is shy around boys. She has never been shy towards me before now.
I still am unsure if she is still dating the other guy. Unfortunately I was never introduced to him and I don't know anything about him other than his name. I think I might try and do something with her tomorrow, but I NEED to know this beforehand. Is there any way to slyly get that information without blatantly asking?
Nah, not really. Probably sounds like I have more than I actually have. I mean if I don't see her again, no big deal, but I hope I do.
I think it is. Which is funny because having the 'don't give a fuck' attitude when chatting to her it makes me come off more confident and then actually gives me a chance. Though a small one...but still a chance.
hawkshockey11
Banned
Do you want to talk with her again in the future?
Nothing worse than being ignored so you should say something.
Maybe something like this
"Hey xxx I just don't feel like it has been long enough for us to talk comfortably. It is nothing against you, it just takes time that hasn't passed yet."
Pai Pai Master
Banned
Alright so I wanted to tell my story and get your guys opinion on this situation:
I dated a girl briefly at the end of last year. We knew eachother previously through school (she modeled for my drawing class a few times) and talked once or twice about my work. In October we ran into each other at a big art event in Atlanta and talked briefly a couple of times and afterward she started posting on my Facebook, sending me messages etc., basically showing that she was interested. After about a week of talking online and texting I called her up and asked if she wanted to meet somewhere for coffee, but instead she invited me to come over to her place and have a bite and some drinks.
Nothing physical happened and although I was already really into her I wouldn't have wanted things to go that fast, but we hit it off immediately. It was obvious we were both having an extremely good time together just talking and getting to know one another better. I didn't actually leave until 2AM and she was still texting me on my way home so it was definitely a successful first sort-of-date. After that we spent a lot of time together, grabbing dinner, hanging out at mutual friends' houses, watching movies. Our second big date was out to a show opening at the art museum, dinner before and drinks after. Again, it went extremely well and she was really into me by then. We had kissed a few times before, but in the elevator at the musem she grabbed me and we made out on the way down. We walked to my car and made out for a few minutes more, then went back to my house and messed around for a while, but both agreed that we didn't want to move too fast. She stayed over and we had breakfast the next morning.
We went on a few more dates after that over the next month, and things looked like they were starting to get serious. Her parents live out of town but she kept saying that when they were visiting next she wanted me to meet them. For my birthday she came over and made me dinner and gave me an amazing print that she had made for one of her classes. I was extremely happy with how things were progressing, but it wasn't perfect. Of no fault of her own she was having less and less time to spend with me because she was still in school and about to enter her last semester. About a month after we started going out pretty regularly, things were getting spotty.
Eventually we were only seeing eachother once a month, and only for a few hours at a time. I certainly never blamed her for that because she was in school almost every day from 8am to 4pm, and work from 5pm to 11pm. The only times she was off, I was at work during the day or she needed to spend time on homework at night. I always emphasized to her that I wanted her to focus more on finishing up school than on me, but the problem was when we did find time to be together and set up dates, she started standing me up practically every time with no reason. We'd decide on a date and time to meet, we'd both be very excited for it, and come the day of she wouldn't answer any of my calls or texts. She'd eventually call me back and apologize and say that she got busy with something, lost track of time, or went to see a friend she hadn't seen in a while. I asked her about it once, told her that we couldn't have much of a relationship if I only saw her once every month, and she just said "I don't know what to say to that." Any time I approached the subject and told her she was starting to hurt my feelings by doing that, she'd start to ignore me or change the subject. This went on for about 3 months until she just stopped talking to me entirely. We have a lot of mutual friends in school and they all said she was really stressed with work and didn't appear to be seeing anyone else. We stopped communicating entirely from January to the end of April.
Then at the end of last month, I went to see some of my friends in their graduate exhibitions at school. This was her last semester too so she was in the show as well, and I wasn't sure how to feel about having to see her again. I really never blamed her for what happened. I wanted her to focus on graduating. But I definitely still felt hurt for the way she went about it and the way she just stopped talking to me entirely. I still had really strong feelings for her though and pretty much all of that went away when I saw her again. At first during the show I thought it might just be a better idea to avoid her for a while then briefly say hi and congratulate her before leaving, but halfway through it she texted me and told me not to leave without coming to see her, and that she really wanted to see me. I did so and she was basically acting like nothing had ever gone wrong. We talked for about an hour about the new work she was showing, which she said was specifically inspired by my own paintings. Wasn't entirely sure how to take that. When I left she kissed me on the cheek and said she would see me again soon.
A few weeks have passed and we've been talking again pretty regularly, though I haven't seen her since. She just graduated yesterday and she had invited me to her ceremony but I couldn't get off work. We agreed that we should go out for drinks to celebrate soon.
Should I try to pick this up again, GAF? I'm still pretty crazy about this girl but I have no idea if she's going to pull the same thing again. She seems like she just has a lot of trouble communicating certain things, or just feels like I'm going to be really upset with her if she can't make a date or something. I don't know if maybe I'm just holding on to some insane hope that now that she's graduated, she'll make the time to spend with me and pursue something more in a relationship. She seems keen to get together again and at least catch up, and I'd be really happy if things worked out. Should I wait and see if she's actually serious this time, or just go for it and tell her that I want to get back to dating her again?
I dated a girl briefly at the end of last year. We knew eachother previously through school (she modeled for my drawing class a few times) and talked once or twice about my work. In October we ran into each other at a big art event in Atlanta and talked briefly a couple of times and afterward she started posting on my Facebook, sending me messages etc., basically showing that she was interested. After about a week of talking online and texting I called her up and asked if she wanted to meet somewhere for coffee, but instead she invited me to come over to her place and have a bite and some drinks.
Nothing physical happened and although I was already really into her I wouldn't have wanted things to go that fast, but we hit it off immediately. It was obvious we were both having an extremely good time together just talking and getting to know one another better. I didn't actually leave until 2AM and she was still texting me on my way home so it was definitely a successful first sort-of-date. After that we spent a lot of time together, grabbing dinner, hanging out at mutual friends' houses, watching movies. Our second big date was out to a show opening at the art museum, dinner before and drinks after. Again, it went extremely well and she was really into me by then. We had kissed a few times before, but in the elevator at the musem she grabbed me and we made out on the way down. We walked to my car and made out for a few minutes more, then went back to my house and messed around for a while, but both agreed that we didn't want to move too fast. She stayed over and we had breakfast the next morning.
We went on a few more dates after that over the next month, and things looked like they were starting to get serious. Her parents live out of town but she kept saying that when they were visiting next she wanted me to meet them. For my birthday she came over and made me dinner and gave me an amazing print that she had made for one of her classes. I was extremely happy with how things were progressing, but it wasn't perfect. Of no fault of her own she was having less and less time to spend with me because she was still in school and about to enter her last semester. About a month after we started going out pretty regularly, things were getting spotty.
Eventually we were only seeing eachother once a month, and only for a few hours at a time. I certainly never blamed her for that because she was in school almost every day from 8am to 4pm, and work from 5pm to 11pm. The only times she was off, I was at work during the day or she needed to spend time on homework at night. I always emphasized to her that I wanted her to focus more on finishing up school than on me, but the problem was when we did find time to be together and set up dates, she started standing me up practically every time with no reason. We'd decide on a date and time to meet, we'd both be very excited for it, and come the day of she wouldn't answer any of my calls or texts. She'd eventually call me back and apologize and say that she got busy with something, lost track of time, or went to see a friend she hadn't seen in a while. I asked her about it once, told her that we couldn't have much of a relationship if I only saw her once every month, and she just said "I don't know what to say to that." Any time I approached the subject and told her she was starting to hurt my feelings by doing that, she'd start to ignore me or change the subject. This went on for about 3 months until she just stopped talking to me entirely. We have a lot of mutual friends in school and they all said she was really stressed with work and didn't appear to be seeing anyone else. We stopped communicating entirely from January to the end of April.
Then at the end of last month, I went to see some of my friends in their graduate exhibitions at school. This was her last semester too so she was in the show as well, and I wasn't sure how to feel about having to see her again. I really never blamed her for what happened. I wanted her to focus on graduating. But I definitely still felt hurt for the way she went about it and the way she just stopped talking to me entirely. I still had really strong feelings for her though and pretty much all of that went away when I saw her again. At first during the show I thought it might just be a better idea to avoid her for a while then briefly say hi and congratulate her before leaving, but halfway through it she texted me and told me not to leave without coming to see her, and that she really wanted to see me. I did so and she was basically acting like nothing had ever gone wrong. We talked for about an hour about the new work she was showing, which she said was specifically inspired by my own paintings. Wasn't entirely sure how to take that. When I left she kissed me on the cheek and said she would see me again soon.
A few weeks have passed and we've been talking again pretty regularly, though I haven't seen her since. She just graduated yesterday and she had invited me to her ceremony but I couldn't get off work. We agreed that we should go out for drinks to celebrate soon.
Should I try to pick this up again, GAF? I'm still pretty crazy about this girl but I have no idea if she's going to pull the same thing again. She seems like she just has a lot of trouble communicating certain things, or just feels like I'm going to be really upset with her if she can't make a date or something. I don't know if maybe I'm just holding on to some insane hope that now that she's graduated, she'll make the time to spend with me and pursue something more in a relationship. She seems keen to get together again and at least catch up, and I'd be really happy if things worked out. Should I wait and see if she's actually serious this time, or just go for it and tell her that I want to get back to dating her again?
Just be carefree about it.
You don't have to respond to her. Sometimes, the best response is no response.
you're already stacking the odds against you.
I'd definitely grab those drinks with her. The fact that she still wants to see you after months apart means she's still into you. Nothing sour happened before the ceremony other than losing contact, right? Catch up and if you feel like she still likes you, be upfront with her. Now that school is out of the way, you guys can talk about eventually being serious. Good luck.
My eggs are pretty spread out. Still need a plan of action for her though...I guess. Small update. This morning she pretty randomly texted me with a map and the words: "This the place where the climbing gym is, right?" After an hour I replied: "Oui, the coolest gym in all of Amsterdam/Holland! Ever been there?" Of course, no response till now (eight hours later). Frankly, I'm completely lost about what this behavior means and how to advance it to something that doesn't involve one text every two days. Soooo. Plan of action please
My eggs are pretty spread out. Still need a plan of action for her though...I guess. Small update. This morning she pretty randomly texted me with a map and the words: "This the place where the climbing gym is, right?" After an hour I replied: "Oui, the coolest gym in all of Amsterdam/Holland! Ever been there?" Of course, no response till now (eight hours later). Frankly, I'm completely lost about what this behavior means and how to advance it to something that doesn't involve one text every two days. Soooo. Plan of action please
Its obvious who is the leader and who is the follower. Flip the script on her. If she takes 4 hours to reply to your text, you take 8 hours. Make your texts shorter, your a busy man, you have lots of people fighting for your time. You cant write lengthy texts, you havent got time to have perfect spelling or punctuation. Be more ambiguous.
Russell Brand called it "the old switcher-oo". I remember once he was talking to Katy Perry on Radio before they started dating and he said to her "okay, okay Katy.... I have decided that I will let you go out with me blah blah blah". He framed the situation as him being the desirable one and her being the chaser. Worked for him. Shame he married her though.
I'm going to get pregnant as many times as possible, then have abortions after the third month of being pregnant so i would deliver a potato sized 1/3 developed dead fetus, then i would take the fetus, out it in a jar of preservative liquid and put it on a shelf in a secret room in my house. and i would do it until i had so many the rooms walls were nothing but potato sized fetuses. then i would have a kid and when they're bad i would make them sit in the fetus room and remind them of how easy i could have aborted their asses.
Hey! In my defense: I am actually fairly busy and, dare I say it, quite desirable
But even if I'm busy I've got ten seconds to reply to a text with proper spelling. Thats just the way I am, same goes with e-mails. But I completely know what you mean. So if I double the amount of time she takes to text me...one day she'll fall into my arms? I can do that! It's just a bummer the texting started laid back and without these games.- Status