Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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I've certainly felt that way at times. I still do sometimes, in fact. Oddly enough, I've also felt the other way - the intense pain and despair I feel when I feel like my life has no purpose suggests to me that ultimately life is supposed to have a purpose.
I'm pretty honest with myself that I use faith as a way to deal with painful life events (and my own fear of death), particularly the loss of loved ones. My wife and I lost two dear friends in their early twenties. One was randomly murdered and one died in his sleep completely unexpectedly. More recently, my first scientific mentor, the man whose influence on my life is second only to my father, passed away. It's an enormous comfort to me to think that I'll see them again and I can still "talk" to them. Or that they can somehow look down and see how I try to carry on the things that they were doing in this world that made them special.
I readily admit that a big part of the reason for my belief is the comfort it gives me. The idea that our departed loved ones are still out there somehow (I don't believe in supernatural phenomenon, more just a generic belief in some sort of afterlife) sure beats the alternative - that they're completely gone and all that remains are memories (which is actually kind of beautiful as well). I keep my faith to myself, I don't try to convert others - I don't understand my own faith enough to feel like other people should get themselves some of what I've got - and I struggle with it, but I think that struggle is a good thing in itself. And I'll admit to a handful of instances in my life when I felt a sense of transcendence - I'd describe it as the presence of God. Being a neuroscientist, I think about the chemical messages traveling through my brain and the physical, biological basis for those "religious moments."
My faith waxes and wanes and I have no trouble viewing science as a way to understand God's creation. The bible certainly isn't a science textbook (I like the idea that, if it were, you'd think there'd be some basic mention of the germ theory of disease. If it just said, "Listen, wash your hands an don't let your poop get in your water," you'd be looking at countless lives saved. What kind of literal account of how the Earth was formed and how it works leaves out such fundamental information?). But belief is an interesting thing and religion certainly gives you plenty to think about. When it comes right down to it, science can tell us how things are and why they're the way they are, but it's silent on the question of what we should do. Science does not speak to those questions.
That's plenty about my faith. As I said, it's largely a personal thing and I have little interest in debating it. I'm happy to talk in PMs, but I don't want to clutter the thread with this stuff. I'd much rather talk pharmacology, talk therapies, current research, my struggle with depression, etc.
I quit my job a couple weeks ago and I have no idea how I'm going to be able to pay pretty much any of my bills or rent beyond this month.
I should be stressed the fuck out. I should be panicking. I should be feeling something, even if it's my usually depressed mood of sad and anxious and hopeless and a little bit angry.
But I'm finding it hard to give a shit about anything. I can't figure out if it's because I'm only slightly depressed or because I'm more depressed than ever before.
I should be stressed the fuck out. I should be panicking. I should be feeling something, even if it's my usually depressed mood of sad and anxious and hopeless and a little bit angry.
But I'm finding it hard to give a shit about anything. I can't figure out if it's because I'm only slightly depressed or because I'm more depressed than ever before.
mescalineeyes
Banned
Maybe your adrenaline is pulling a number on you.
honestly when im suicidal and ANYONE shows sympathy to me, i feel a little better at least
That's life, man. Science does not and cannot answer all of your questions. Here's an example - many scientists, biological and social, will tell you that humans are really not wired for monogamy. Our biological drive is to seek out multiple partners. But science stops short of saying what we should do with that information. Science can give us the background to moral and ethical questions, but it stops short of saying what we should do with that information. "Should" questions rely on our beliefs, ethics, values, faith, etc.
See page 10 for reported effectiveness and side effects, 14-17 for average costs.
Their recommendations are
Generic bupropion (Wellbutrin)*
Generic citalopram (Celexa)
Generic fluoxetine (Prozac)
Generic paroxetine (Paxil)
Generic sertraline (Zoloft)
*Uncommon side effect: spontaneous orgasm with yawning.
Their recommendations are
Generic bupropion (Wellbutrin)*
Generic citalopram (Celexa)
Generic fluoxetine (Prozac)
Generic paroxetine (Paxil)
Generic sertraline (Zoloft)
*Uncommon side effect: spontaneous orgasm with yawning.
TheyTookOurJobs
Member
I felt like some of you where I don't want to wake up, I just want to stay in bed all day, but the lady I'm working with at Goodwill who's helping me with my job search gave me a schedule to follow as a guide and I think it's already helping me.
For the unemployed, set goals, get up and shower everyday, take two days off from job hunting a week to do something active like work on a project, take a walk, read a book.
For the unemployed, set goals, get up and shower everyday, take two days off from job hunting a week to do something active like work on a project, take a walk, read a book.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
Coming from the guy who's taking antidepressants and who's considered suicide, you sound more like the kind of guy that finds comfort in misery, or that you think you feel comfort.
Don't take this the wrong way, because I don't know how you feel, but just try to be positive, because in the end, I don't think you truly want to die, but that the concept of ending it all comforts you.
I used to do the same, but then I came to the conclusion that there's too many people in the world that would suffer if I left them, and that I only played with the idea of committing suicide because I wanted my exit to be dramatic and very public. Something people would remember.
As I've said, don't take this the wrong way, but it just feels horrible to read your posts, thinking "no matter what I say, this is gonna end up badly".
Take care.
Without insurance, I was placed on a year-long waiting list to be seen. Once I went nuts and got in a psych ward because I couldn't handle things anymore, they bumped me to the top because of the severity of the condition. Through treatment you basically see a doctor for fifteen minutes a month, they prescribe you medication, and monitor your progress. You're also assigned a social worker (rehab clinician) who checks in with you about once a month and provides auxiliary help.
That's it.
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
I don't think so. The depressed mind has difficulty reestablishing a coherent, acceptable narrative of the world based on hard, cold facts that it has come to accept as real, yet unable to deal with for various reasons. Depressive realism, above average intelligence and the arts / science appear to be related for its participants when compared in sizes of the group to groups that do not share those conditions.
Which is to say that at least for this group, all magical narratives have failed and should be avoided, because they tend to fly in the face of reality and is not what this mind is 'looking for', if you will. That is not to say that the study of religion doesn't count as an intellectual enterprise, but the creation or replacement of a broken model of reality with a magical model doesn't fix the initial problem and might be (or should be, imho) considered dangerous, since a magical model allows for the maintenance of paradoxes that go like "he loves me, therefore he hurts me." Which is of course utter bullshit, but any 'beaten wife syndrome' starts with this line of thought. Most people actually think this way about parents, mentors and other people who have no right whatsoever to harm them. But since they incorrectly believe they do have that right, not only will they accept it, they will enforce it as "good" in other people as well.
It is the very dangerous, and not bound by logic, time or even space, application of paradoxes, that makes ANY kind of faith extremely dangerous to any mind trying to come to terms with a disenchanted (mental) universe.
That said, I do realize we all need hope, but hope is no more than a positive outlook on our own faculties and abilities. Neither religion nor faith is required. Nor should be considered, due to their inherent appeal to magic. (or least to magic in a sense of realism, as an occult force that permeates all of existence, for instance in the form of "creation", "god" or any of its derived qualities, like "good", "evil" and "sin". None of these theoretical concepts are real and do more harm than actual good)
Mercury Fred
Banned
Anybody have experience with pushing people away when you're feeling depressed. I had a kind of rough couple weeks and managed to
-blow up at a guy who seemed to genuinely like me after he was wishy-washy about rescheduling a first date that he had to postpone
and
-totally alienate a friend who was trying to reach out to me
It sucks but when I'm having these moments it's very hard not to do.
-blow up at a guy who seemed to genuinely like me after he was wishy-washy about rescheduling a first date that he had to postpone
and
-totally alienate a friend who was trying to reach out to me
It sucks but when I'm having these moments it's very hard not to do.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
I tend to do that. Makes it seem that I'm more of an asshole than I am.
vatstep
This poster pulses with an appeal so broad the typical restraints of our societies fall by the wayside.
I haven't wanted to be around anyone in months. I've always been a loner, and enjoy time to myself more than anything else, but it's become even more pronounced lately. My girlfriend and I recently broke up (after five years together), and I thought it would make me want to be more social (which is what happened when my prior relationship ended), but it hasn't at all, yet.
I feel bad alienating my friends, but I've told them that I'm just not into it right now. Unfortunately, they don't really seem to get it, and it all starts over soon enough, with me looking like I'm mad or annoyed or don't want to be around them anymore or something.
Two other good friends that I haven't seen in about nine months are in town tomorrow night as well, but I just don't care. All I want to do is stay at home like I always do on Saturday night.
Mercury Fred
Banned
Yeah, it's ironic-- what I want the most is a happy relationship yet I managed to nuke the possibility with this guy because he pressed some of my buttons about vagueness in communication.
And I feel awful about my friend. He's a really good guy and has always been there for me, but I shot him down because he was doing a little one word answer texting game that was just hitting at the wrong time.
vatstep, when did you two break up? It seems reasonable to give yourself some time to be by yourself before you start putting yourself out there again.
And I feel awful about my friend. He's a really good guy and has always been there for me, but I shot him down because he was doing a little one word answer texting game that was just hitting at the wrong time.
vatstep, when did you two break up? It seems reasonable to give yourself some time to be by yourself before you start putting yourself out there again.
I am or hopefully will start to do so. I am trying to focus on redoing my resume and cover letter. I found some potential jobs i found online. Right now I need a job that doesn't have me answer phones or deal with customers. I don't think I can function well under that stress.
As for my weight my therapist wanted to know if i was interested in gastro-bypass surgery. I am a bit afraid of it since i heard so many horror stories and the surgeries I did have left me with pretty bad scars, some that makes me ashamed to even take off my undershirt in front of people. Even If the surgery is a success I will have more horrible scars. It really bothers me that I just cannot be like everyone else. I cannot be halfway good looking or have a decent body or life or anything at all.
Tonight i got into an argument with a friend of mine. We don't see each other often and he is mostly social and i am the opposite. We are both gay as well. I was talking about my weight and how i felt in Japan being so big and he commented that some guys like bears and i should find them. That really hit a nerve for me since i do not want to be fat i do not want to be a "bear" Maybe i went overboard but i do not like being fat and i will never accept it. Why should i accept this horrid life while others get to enjoy having good genes. Now i feel like kicking him off my facebook and life. He has an active social life and friends and won't miss me. He doesn't know the crap i have to go through being this way.
Now i cannot sleep and upset. I planned on going to the gym, barber shop, movies and working on my resume now i do not know if i am up to it and feel like staying in bed all day.
Coming from the guy who's taking antidepressants and who's considered suicide, you sound more like the kind of guy that finds comfort in misery, or that you think you feel comfort.
Don't take this the wrong way, because I don't know how you feel, but just try to be positive, because in the end, I don't think you truly want to die, but that the concept of ending it all comforts you.
I used to do the same, but then I came to the conclusion that there's too many people in the world that would suffer if I left them, and that I only played with the idea of committing suicide because I wanted my exit to be dramatic and very public. Something people would remember.
As I've said, don't take this the wrong way, but it just feels horrible to read your posts, thinking "no matter what I say, this is gonna end up badly".
Take care.
I really would like my life to end to be done with it. Why should i stay alive to make my family happy? they gave me a life i do not want with horrible genes. ive hated my family since i can remember.
half a moon
Banned
I blew up at a few people and ruined some relationships. Three friends and my sister. 2 never talk to me, 1 talks and I run into a few times a month, and family is family.
I've chosen not to do anything like it again because all it does is ruin things you valued.
It's not about genes. It's about accepting yourself as you are and working from there. The beginning of all physical change is hard and even humiliating at first, but there really is no gain without pain in life. You live in a society where change is possible. Thank your birth for that.
This coming from a depressed guy who always wanted to be social and active, but accused his looks and general shitty luck in life. Now I'm much better but that would've not been possible without a complete, slow and agonizing transformation of my views in life. From pessimism to optimism. From excuses to actions.
This coming from a depressed guy who always wanted to be social and active, but accused his looks and general shitty luck in life. Now I'm much better but that would've not been possible without a complete, slow and agonizing transformation of my views in life. From pessimism to optimism. From excuses to actions.
i do not think i can accept being fat.
then work on it? ive seen people make incredible changes to their physique
I meant that you need to stop with the excuses. Acceptance is the first step. I've always been skinny myself and the first gym sessions I had were terrible and I felt ashamed. Once I accepted I truly was scrawny and ate bad food I was able do something about it.
If I can, you can. You're a mere twenty pounds heavier than I was at my biggest, and there are plenty of people who got bigger than we did, lost it, and still manage to live very productive lives. There are plenty in the weight loss thread - some smaller, some bigger, some inbetween. Doesn't matter.
Either this is a long, shocking string of coincidences, or you have a problem which you can overcome.
Perhaps enter the weight loss and fitness thread?
You can turn it around man, even by simply changing just a few things about your diet.
I'll humbly disagree. There are scores of studies on religion and psychiatry. Your personal dislike of religion shouldn't enter into a discussion of its role in psychiatry and normal human psychology (which can be good or bad - that's a subject for more than a forum post).
I understand why you equate religion and magic, but you overstate the case. For example, if you're a blind watchmaker kind of guy, the magic trick was done before you got to the show. You can sit in the theater and, yup, the coin disappeared, I guess, but you didn't see it, there's no magician, and the coin isn't coming back. Magic?!
you can get through it man. you need to take steps to improve your situation no matter how scary or impossible they seem. i know how you feel. work on that resume. set a goal of getting it out to somewhere, anywhere, at least once a day. you've got a lot of work ahead of you but you can do it.
also, try not to focus on what other people have. genes, great jobs, happiness, whatever. that mentality only fucks you over.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
For the last 2 years I have done every possible thing in my power to better myself and my life. There's not more I can change and my life still sucks, all hope is lost.
i believe in god wholeheartedly and i also believe in this; the two are not exclusive
I know you don't see many examples of this in the media, but not everyone who believes in God is a simpleton. Isaac Newton, who I think is probably the greatest scientist in history, was a religious man with very complex views on God.
Or try reading Kant some time...
There are a lot of dumb people who are very religious, but not everyone thinks religion is simple, or is a babbling idiot just because he believes in God.
All you can do is apologize and try to be open about your depression. Not everyone will understand, but you kind of owe it to people to try to explain why you were a dick to them.
SlipperySlope
Banned
So here goes. I brought a girl to meet the family last weekend. She wants to be friends, I want more, and my family knows this. We went to an Angels game, went out drinking, had fun.
Fast forward to today. I was in my room playing my music loud. I suddenly turned my music off. I hear my dad and sister talking. I could barely hear what they were saying, so I got closer, without them knowing.
This is all I could make out (I'm using made up names):
Sister - "She's weird" - I had a clue, but wasn't 100% sure who she was referring to.
Dad - "April (brother's girlfriend) at least cares for Matt (brother)"
From this, I knew exactly what they were talking about. I went downstairs and asked "What are you two talking about".
Both - "Oh, nothing..."
So yeah, I've been in a REAL good mood today :/ What hurts most is them thinking that my friend doesn't care about me... and knowing it's probably true.
Fast forward to today. I was in my room playing my music loud. I suddenly turned my music off. I hear my dad and sister talking. I could barely hear what they were saying, so I got closer, without them knowing.
This is all I could make out (I'm using made up names):
Sister - "She's weird" - I had a clue, but wasn't 100% sure who she was referring to.
Dad - "April (brother's girlfriend) at least cares for Matt (brother)"
From this, I knew exactly what they were talking about. I went downstairs and asked "What are you two talking about".
Both - "Oh, nothing..."
So yeah, I've been in a REAL good mood today :/ What hurts most is them thinking that my friend doesn't care about me... and knowing it's probably true.
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
I think I am getting better. I joined a gym yesterday, hopefully spending that money will convince me to try to get something out of it and start working out regularly. I'm fixing my laptop soon and I think the first thing I'm gonna buy for it is some editing software, I really want to spend my free time doing things I enjoy. Think I'm gonna lay off the booze and weed for a while, the past few times I've done them I ended up worse than before. I'm finally starting and trying to make changes and those things just seem to make me stagnate in my progress or send me further back.
I've also met a girl and its too soon to say how it will turn out, but damn if she doesn't make me feel good. Just having someone someone saying good night and good morning to me, asking me how my day is going, and actually wanting to know the answer to that question is incredible. No one has ever shown me this stuff before. If it can happen to me, it can happen to any of you. Overall I feel leagues better than I did months or even weeks ago. I genuinely hope you guys get better and get to enjoy life for what it is.
I've also met a girl and its too soon to say how it will turn out, but damn if she doesn't make me feel good. Just having someone someone saying good night and good morning to me, asking me how my day is going, and actually wanting to know the answer to that question is incredible. No one has ever shown me this stuff before. If it can happen to me, it can happen to any of you. Overall I feel leagues better than I did months or even weeks ago. I genuinely hope you guys get better and get to enjoy life for what it is.
Glad to hear it, man! The key is to ride that positive wave so, if you do hit another low point, you can cruise through a bit on the positive energy.
Don't know where to write this but might as well do.
Sometimes I feel like no one cares about me.
I don't have friends who want to hang out with me every weekend. Instead, they only hang out with me once an year. Other times, we just online chat/e-mail and occasionally phone call/text.
I spend my time on the Internet that I don't even know if it's called socializing any more if not wasting time.
I don't have anyone to talk about my feelings.
I feel like I'm suffering from depression as I'm finding myself losing interest in things that I used to enjoy (e.g. video games).
There's this feeling that no one wants to talk to me as I've always had to initiate my conversations.
Sometimes I feel like no one cares about me.
I don't have friends who want to hang out with me every weekend. Instead, they only hang out with me once an year. Other times, we just online chat/e-mail and occasionally phone call/text.
I spend my time on the Internet that I don't even know if it's called socializing any more if not wasting time.
I don't have anyone to talk about my feelings.
I feel like I'm suffering from depression as I'm finding myself losing interest in things that I used to enjoy (e.g. video games).
There's this feeling that no one wants to talk to me as I've always had to initiate my conversations.
Finaika
Member
I know how you feel.
I have no friends, my family doesn't even want to hang out with me, and I'm just sitting in my room all day because of my severe social anxiety.
I'm in the same situation and feel the same way. I wanted to see Avengers today but i have no one to go with. Usually i go to the movies alone but it would look weird since the movie is popular and going alone would feel even worse because most of the crowd are couples or groups of friends going.
on a side note, I went to the gym alone today. It felt good and i am glad i left the house. Only thing was going online and looking at some gay dating websites and seeing guys with better bodies than me. That tore me down from my high from going to the gym. Today was a very humid day which was another reason i did not go to the movies. I didn't want to look weird wearing a light jacket to hide my fat and my short sleeve shirts are so ugly and make me feel so self conscious of my body.
I did stay home and watch some mtv true life episodes online about being obese. I still do not think gastro bypass surgery is what i want to do.
I wish i can. There were times i went to the gym 7 days of the week for a few months and i was losing weight then sometime always happen. Either a very bad day at work or something at home or someone tells me something or something i find out online that puts me a totally depressive mood and i stop going to the gym. I think the last time was a guy i liked started dating someone else and i was so upset, I took him off my facebook.
Even if i lose any weight who would want to date me. i am pretty ugly and horrible to look at. I have only one mirror i use to fix my hair and thats it. I cannot stand looking at myself.
Finaika
Member
Heh. Try going to see Titanic alone in the movie theater.
Romantic movies are poison for the soul.
I feel like everyone is silently disappointed at where I am in life, so they don't talk to me as they don't want to be associated with a failure. What a great motivator.
I avoid movies in general because it's just a waste of time to watch them alone. Plus there is usually nothing mind-blowing about the plot as I don't learn anything.
Never understood the obsession of stalking celebrities.
Join a club, any club. Volunteer at an animal shelter, take up a martial art, find a D&D group, take up dancing lessons, find an intramural sports team, take an adult ed class. It sounds hokey, but the only way to make friends is to meet new people. If you take up an activity that you actually enjoy - if you like reading, find a book club - you're obviously more likely to find people who might share more of your interests.
I guess I don't think much about making friends. I've made almost all of my friends through school or work. It gets easier and easier the further you go - in college, I mainly made friends with people who shared my major or minors - we saw each other all the damn time anyway. In med school and graduate school, you're basically with people who share even more focused interests with you. I found a nice group of nerdy academic types like myself and we became very close. I have friends now I consider family.
Actually, family is my other big source of friends. I'm very close to my younger brother, several of my cousins, aunts and uncles, and then I'm friends with some of their friends...
I will say that true friendships take some effort. With friends who are scattered across the country, it's a matter of asking if they'll be back in our home town for holidays, or looking them up when we travel. I like writing actual physical letters, too, so I keep relationships going that way. It just seems to mean more than email or Facebook, although I use those as well.
I don't know - how do you learn to make friends? I guess if you don't have friends, you need to put yourself in situations where you're exposed to lots and lots of people. There are people out there who would make great friends, girl/boyfriends, spouses, whatever, for everyone. Well, almost everyone. Unless you're a complete asshole, your people are out there. You've just got to be out there in the world so you can find them. If you're not bumping into them at work or school, start doing sports, community ed, etc. You've got to meet people to make friends.
I guess I don't think much about making friends. I've made almost all of my friends through school or work. It gets easier and easier the further you go - in college, I mainly made friends with people who shared my major or minors - we saw each other all the damn time anyway. In med school and graduate school, you're basically with people who share even more focused interests with you. I found a nice group of nerdy academic types like myself and we became very close. I have friends now I consider family.
Actually, family is my other big source of friends. I'm very close to my younger brother, several of my cousins, aunts and uncles, and then I'm friends with some of their friends...
I will say that true friendships take some effort. With friends who are scattered across the country, it's a matter of asking if they'll be back in our home town for holidays, or looking them up when we travel. I like writing actual physical letters, too, so I keep relationships going that way. It just seems to mean more than email or Facebook, although I use those as well.
I don't know - how do you learn to make friends? I guess if you don't have friends, you need to put yourself in situations where you're exposed to lots and lots of people. There are people out there who would make great friends, girl/boyfriends, spouses, whatever, for everyone. Well, almost everyone. Unless you're a complete asshole, your people are out there. You've just got to be out there in the world so you can find them. If you're not bumping into them at work or school, start doing sports, community ed, etc. You've got to meet people to make friends.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
I've been going outside a lot lately, and that seems to help a little. My parents bought this outdoor bench/swing thing that has a canopy over the top to keep the sun off your head, so I've been spending an hour or two each day just swinging by myself. The weather is really lovely and in the last few days there's been a nice breeze going. It's pretty relaxing to just listen to the wind blow and watch the trees move. It feels sort of strange just sitting there, especially when the neighbors go out and come back, and you're still sitting in the same place, but it sure beats staying in my dark bedroom/house all day. It sounds like a waste of time, but I'm too depressed to do anything else, and I figure it's better to spend the day outside swinging in the sun than to spend all day lying in bed.
enjoying nature is never a waste of time. appreciating the wind? that's actually the best shit you can do.
Out of Working Order
Member
Yes, agreed. Far from a waste of time. I sit and watch the stars at night sometimes. So relaxing - especially if there is a breeze. Takes me away from my mind for a while.
My head's such a tortured, jumbled mess lately, though. I like to imagine my mind as sand, as the wind blows it away, softly breaking it up and scattering the grains.
That is the release I want from my mind.
My head's such a tortured, jumbled mess lately, though. I like to imagine my mind as sand, as the wind blows it away, softly breaking it up and scattering the grains.
That is the release I want from my mind.
Once in a rare while I do get upset that I'm mostly completely alone. The interaction with people that I receive is sufficient for me.
My depression stems from my ineptitude, I guess.
The only thing I don't like is that I don't have enough references for job forms. ><
My depression stems from my ineptitude, I guess.
The only thing I don't like is that I don't have enough references for job forms. ><
I might have to talk to my therapist about that. Now does the drug completely change the person's personality and state of mind?
vincent vega
Member
I was depressed for a year because of this. I realized that we are all alone and that the only group of people that are always there are family (if you have a good family life). It took a lot of soul searching but I finally got out of it. The two main things that helped were meeting my girlfriend last year, and reading the bible (any spiritual texts in general are helpful because they remove the attention away from your own problems and help you see the bigger picture)
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