GAF Anonymous Confessions thread 4.0 the last huzzah

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Dr Prob said:
GAj0o.gif
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Absolutely perfect indeed.

SouthernDragon said:
What kind of confessions you guys expect from a totally anonymous confession?

*i like posies. i'll never tell a soul*
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Have you not been reading this thread?
 
There have been a number of threads of GAF about Radiohead lately. I've pretended to dislike them for a number of years now. This can partly be attributed to my partner's distaste for them, and partly attributed to my overplaying them as a youth.

But reading GAF inspired me to put on Amnesiac, and godammit, in the right mood I still enjoy me some Radiohead.

Honestly I never "got" Amnesiac as a kid, but as an alleged adult with a new perspective on life I'm enjoying it a lot more. It's like Radiohead did a Tom Waits album. It's sort of secretly amazing.

It's something I have to keep to myself though and that makes me a little sad.
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I ENJOY RADIOHEAD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME SOB SOB
 
I once experimented with my best friend at the age of 14. He said cum would make me bigger, so I let him try to stick his cock into my ass, but he was too chicken shit to do it. So instead he offers to caress my penis with hand soap. Few days later, I cummed for the first time while an episode of Digimon Season 1 was on. The next day when the cable man came over, I locked myself in the bathroom all morning trying to cum again.

Another time, I moved my teacher's keys from her desk into a nearby trash can; The next Monday, the police charged me with "Theft by taking". To this day I think that bitch just wanted the money.
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Silly dude, his cum wont make you bigger. But mine will.
 
I hated Assassin's Creed the first, so much so, that I have not finished it.
 
I had my one and only panic attack my junior year of high school. Was pretty depressed at the time with what I believed was a crappy social, family, and school life weighing on my mind everyday. One evening at home, I was working on a project for school that was due in two days and no where near finished with it. In the middle of working on said project, I just got up and thought, "Fuck it all."

I grabbed my backpack and stuffed some books, paper, and pens into it along with some personal items. Went downstairs and took some long 10-inch kitchen knives and put them in the backpack, for any potential weapons I'd need to defend myself and also thinking I would use them to cut down vines and branches and shit in my way as I had the idea I would just walk out of the house and wander through the uninhabited areas of my city for who knows how long like some traveler in the Amazon with his machete. I just wanted to be free of all the drama and burdens I was carrying and others had put on me. Was home alone that evening but jumped over my backyard fence so none of my neighbors could see me leaving. Walked for a few minutes and got to the beginnings of a stretch of uninhabited forest area and stepped into it.

Honestly, those first few hours were true bliss for me. Just walking through the trees admiring the world around me, all the animal noises, not knowing where I was headed, no burdens, not a care in the world. It felt for the first time like I was truly living. I imagined those feelings stretching on for forever, since how could such a grand, sweeping, joyous emotion like that ever go away once felt? I knew a few of my family members would be worried about me , but I really didn't care at that moment. The sudden switch from all my previous toxic thoughts and pressurized feelings about my life to what I was experiencing then was too mind-blowing.

The uninhabited areas mixed with streets and houses from time to time, so I started walking on the sidewalks, bulging backpack strapped, viewing parts of my area I'd never seen. Stopped by a Farm Store and bought some bread and water and went on my way. Eventually reached the next suburb of my area after going around and under highway. It's late in the evening by then, and I stop by a McDonald's and grab some hamburgers since they're on sale that day, enjoying being by myself for pretty much the first time in my life.

After some more lazy wandering in the night I decide to find a place to sleep. I reach an elementary school with some low shrubbery I can sleep behind. For whatever reason I wanted to clean my once-a-day contact lenses that I had on, thinking I'd use them on another glorious free walk tomorrow. I head to the nearest house and use the outdoor garden hose water faucet to clean my contact lenses, and also drink some of the water since I had run out. Then I head back behind the shrubs to sleep, with some bread and two hamburgers crumpled in my backpack which I was using as a pillow, thinking I was living the good life.

The next morning, I check my phone. Sure enough there are a bunch of voicemails and messages from family members asking where I was. My feel-good high was still in good effect though, so I didn’t return any of their messages.

As I get up, I realize I’m in the neighborhood of this girl I have a crush on who’s in most of my classes. I had been to her house once for a group project, and on my drive to her house that day I had tried memorizing some streets and landmarks since I creepily realized I wanted to sort of know where her house was in my mind. Fast-forward to my current situation. I check the time and see it’s about 7:00 a.m. What luck! I might be able to see her leaving her home as she heads to school! So off I go with backpack on tight to hopefully glimpse my crush as she leaves her house for school.

Of course, I did remember enough street names and turns to reach her home on my own. I walk to the house opposite hers on the other side of the street, go around it, and stop at the back corner. I lay stomach-down on the ground, peering around the corner every so often at her front yard. Minutes later, my eyes go wide as she actually does come out of the front door and to her car wearing a nice blue outfit. She gets in her car and drives off, leaving me there on the ground knowing what I just did was grounds for some type of visit to the psychiatrist. But having it turn out successfully was all that mattered. Mission accomplished.

In the end, I called my dad and he picked me up and drove me home, of course with the usual questions along the car ride. When I get home, I see my mom and sister there, and my best friend who my family had called to help look for me, and two cops. My family had called them, too. I sat on a sofa and clutched my backpack on my lap as the cops asked me where I had been and all that. I said I just needed to get out of the house for a while and I wound up sleeping outside for the night. They seemed satisfied with my answers, though I was worried sick the whole time that they’d have me open my backpack and find all the kitchen knives that were in there. They didn’t though and they left much earlier than I expected them to.

I will be seeing a psychiatrist in the next month to help with my mental problems that have never gone away since that time. Better late than never. I’ll probably print this confession out come to think of it and take it with me to my first session. Guess this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
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Tl;dr: Dude goes away from house. Sleeps out overnight. Peeks on crush on her way to school.
 
I once experimented with my best friend at the age of 14. He said cum would make me bigger, so I let him try to stick his cock into my ass, but he was too chicken shit to do it. So instead he offers to caress my penis with hand soap. Few days later, I cummed for the first time while an episode of Digimon Season 1 was on. The next day when the cable man came over, I locked myself in the bathroom all morning trying to cum again.

Another time, I moved my teacher's keys from her desk into a nearby trash can; The next Monday, the police charged me with "Theft by taking". To this day I think that bitch just wanted the money.
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I would have sentenced you to death by stoning.
 
I just remember one, I used to keep a list of actresses I wanted to see naked in my wallet. I'd randomly add to list whilst I daydreamed in the middle of class. All those fake naked celebs sites were a godsend.
 
ronito said:
life's too short to live for someone else
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You slice to the core, r. ito
GrizzNKev said:
I can confirm this.
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Attaboy.

Zyzyxxz said:
I don't know whether to be offended, amused, or turned on... is there a word for all three?
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Dr Prob said:
GAj0o.gif
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shanshan310 said:
*sheds a tear* That was perfect.
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abusori said:
Absolutely perfect indeed.
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JokerOfSpades said:
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NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Well done.
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I have nothing to add really, just echoing the sentiment.

I'm curious, ronito, what is the ratio of confessions that were confessed to you anonymously, i.e.: how many of them can you put to a username?
 
I think porn has ruined sex for me :(

I absolutely love the imagery of porn: women excited by the wildest sex; "perfect," hairless bodies doing the dirtiest things, reckless abandon, all of it.

It all looks so easy, and it's so easy to achieve orgasm watching it. And orgasm is just... well, it's just so soothing. It's a break from the constant worrying, stress, procrastinating, work, nagging thoughts... everything. It's just nothingness -- wonderful, blissful nothingness. I love the way my muscles all tense up at the moment of climax and then immediately relax.

The only problem is that porn has eliminated or hidden the relation between reality and orgasm, so now I just want the high of the orgasm and nothing else.

I don't like the smell of sex. I don't like the hair of sex (my wife has waxed like 2 or 3 times over the years, and I love it, but she gets hairy down their fairly frequently, and generally doesn't like waxing). Her vagina is often way too pungent, and it kind of turns me off. Again, there have been a few times where the aroma is pretty light, with a slight mangoish flavor, and I have immensely enjoyed sticking my face and tongue in there, but those are the exceptions. Usually, it seems like she carries the weight of the day in there, with all it's sweat and smell and secretion. It makes me go "ugh," and I hate going "ugh" because I love her and care for her and want to make her feel good.

I don't know if it's because of porn but I only have a desire for anal. Her ass is just so much "cleaner," as in, less smell, less secretions, less hair around, etc. Fitting in with the pattern, anal is something that we've done a few times, but she's never actively seeked it out. My mind has been warped by porn. I want her to want it. I want her to grab my cock and stick it in her pre-lubed ass, and just go wild on it. I want her to suck me off to finish, and use her fingers to scoop any cum on her chin back into her mouth, the way the starlets do it. I want her to smile and tell me how delicious it is.

Aaaaaaaargh I'm such a scumbag. I tell myself I will quit porn and I usually last about a week and then my brain is just on overdrive and I need the high again to make me calm. I was going to ask for advice, but I guess I just need to quit for good and get my mind and penis back in the real world.
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A few things:
You know, you could just ask your wife to wash up down there. Really communication is key to make monogamy work. Too often I see friends give up on relationships or create drama because they're not willing to work with their partner on what they want.

Why not get wife involved in some porn viewing? That way it came become something that you guys do together instead of it being a source of contention. But know that the women in those videos get paid to do that so your wife will have her own barriers but working together you guys can come to a good agreement.


You also really need to realize that sex is far more about the journey than the destination.
Lastly, yeah it's probably a good idea to cut back on the pron. all things in moderation. Especially moderation. Obviously if it's getting in the way of your day to day life get help.
 
Hawkian said:
I'm curious, ronito, what is the ratio of confessions that were confessed to you anonymously, i.e.: how many of them can to but to a username?
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I'm guessing you mean how many can I tie to a user name?

Like I said earlier, the first thread very few confessions weren't anonymous but as they've gone on less and less of them are.

This time about half of them are anonymous, so I can see the names of the people confessing. But not everyone uses the same name on their email that they do gaf. The ones that I can actually tie for sure to a user is probably around 10-20%.
 
That jizz coffee confession now has me wondering how many times the average person unknowingly ingests spunk in their lifetime... including myself. :S
 
I guess this isn't a confession so much as it is a place for me to vent anonymously. What I'm about to talk about isn't ridiculous, scandalous, doesn't include beastiality or incest, nor does it include anything illegal. Outside of my desire for this to remain anonymous, this would actually probably belong in the Dating-Age thread.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for going on 7 years now. We've always been happy, have never broken up once, and have always been strong together. Our parents have always talked about how we would likely marry, and we've talked about the subject multiple times ourselves. We're still young for that though, as I just graduated college and she has about another semester.

Things have always been great. However, early on this year, she came to me and told me that her feelings have changed, and that she thinks she no longer loves me the same way she used to. To me, it came as a shock and I was not expecting it. She said she had been doing some thinking that month and it eventually lead her to that conclusion. Additionally she says this change of heart isn't my fault, though how true could that be...

I was happy to learn that she didn't want to break up, though, and believed that we might be able to work through this as we have always done during harder times. It's been about 3 1/2 months or so, and she says that things have gotten a little bit better since she first came to me.

I guess I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with this situation. I feel as though our relationship mingles on the edge of a blade, and each day there's both a nagging concern and hope for our continuity as a couple. I truly did intend to marry this girl in a few years.

Can a strong seven year relationship really end this way, not that we've come to the conclusion that it is actually ending just yet. I understand that people change, but she can't really explain it herself. I trust in her not to lie to me, so I believe her when she tells me that she is trying to figure it out. Honestly this has been a hard year in general for the two of us, what with many stresses of life coming down on both of us. I can't help but hold out hope that this is just the product of these stresses and that we will be able to get through this together.

TLDR: Long ass relationship, very in love for seven years, all of the sudden she says she feels differently and we're trying to make it work. This has been putting me through a lot of stress and heartache... Needed a venting outlet, and I respect GAF.

Bring on the yawn, Ronito.
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The 7 year itch is a very real thing, one of my relationships ended because of it.
The hard part is that it only takes one person not to try for the whole thing to fall apart.
I suggest some real soul searching, why are you really with each other? Is it just because it's "comfortable"? Spending the rest of your life with someone you're just "comfortable" with isn't gonna work. You need someone who ignites your passion and works with you to do do that.

It just seems after 7 years people get to the point where they realize that things just aren't exciting and therefore they must be out of love or something. Really it takes a ton of concerted work to keep things fresh and exciting.

If you're both serious about it, I know plenty of people that had the 7 year itch and moved beyond it and are happier than ever. That being said if there's anything that makes either of you think that perhaps it's not worth your effort or anything just pull off the bandaid now. Just like I know lots of people that made it past their 7 year itch and even more that broke up because of it, the saddest ones are the ones that should have broken up at 7 years and kept it going unhappily for several years only to break up later.
 
Every two weeks or so I sift through my dad's search and browser history to see if he's been looking at porn. (I'm a minor, and live at home)

Thankfully, I've never found anything.
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That means that he looks at stuff so freaky he's sure to cover his tracks when he's done.
 
I was at my most creative as a teen. At age 15, I had major surgery and was out of action for an entire summer. When I could finally go back to school, I still had to stay inactive outside of walking and classes, so my evenings were spent on the internet.

I met a lot of people through forums back then. They became good friends, despite most of them living in a different continent. Forum culture was fun. Everyone had a forum, it seemed, just like a few years later everyone seemed to have a webcomic. It was the craze of the time. Through it, I was introduced to anime, certain videogames, cheese "soundtrack metal" like Rhapsody and Nightwish and all other manner of stuff.

It was also then, when I was absorbing so many ideas and new things, that my ability to write blossomed. I also actively sought out new avenues of creativity. I got into drawing and photoshop. I dabbled in 3D (never got good at that one). Flash animation. Programming. Game design. Even tried making music for five minutes before realising I was tone deaf. I was a voracious consumer of the art of others and dedicated creator of my own. I gained accolades and respect in the communities I joined, won awards in real-life competitions, that kind of thing. Most of it was for the writing, as that's the only thing I ever got properly good at, but I enjoyed the other artistic hobbies, even if I knew I'd never be able to do them seriously.

Then I went to university to do English literature and writing. Suddenly it stopped. Maybe it was laziness. Having to manage my own time and schedule meant internet culture became mindless internet surfing. Flash, game design and drawing went first. I was able to sustain programming for a good year, even started to get somewhat good at webdesign, creating a few things for university departments, but that then fell by the wayside. But what really sucked was that by year two, I'd stopped writing. I'd shit out a 1000 word story for an assignment and generally had enough skill to still get a good grade, but the love was gone. By year 3, I'd even stopped reading for pleasure. I'd stopped everything, really. Managed to get a good grade at uni because I was still intelligent enough, but I don't think I particularly deserved it, effort wise.

Three years after graduating, I've finally landed a job in an industry I'd like to be a part of. It's creative and stuff. But I'm not a creative person anymore. It's like the desire to be an artistic person died in me for no good reason. But there's literally nothing else in life I'd ever be good for. So I've started obsessively sending myself back to my teenage years. I'm overloading on nostalgia, the old books I read, the anime I watched, the games I played, the music I listened to, anything to try and recapture those magical few years where I had something to offer the world. I'm enjoying it, but I'm also afraid I'm just regressing back into my adolescence. I'm actually really lost and frightened and everything I ever knew or love about myself isn't really there anymore. Not being the person who could just create stuff for hours on end, good stuff, is depressing. I've been like this for 5 years now and I hate it.

Anyway, so this hasn't really been a confession. Sorry about that. But I wanted to do this anonymously anyway. I'm hoping maybe someone has experienced the same death of a passion and knows ways to restart the fire inside.
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I sorta know that feel.

I had the same thing happen to me with the guitar as the three people who read the classical guitar thread would know. It used to be my whole life. Now I barely touch it. Though I have to say that my other creative endeavours haven't stopped just the guitar stuff.

The issue is that you can't really get back into it because when you pick it up again you're obviously not as good as you once were and it gets frustrating because you remember when it took no effort. While it's completely understandable that it'll take work to get as good as you once were, it becomes disheartening.

So my advice is to pick something new that you've not done before that way you don't get into this "you're a has-been that never was." thing.

Also get checked for depression.
 
ronito said:
So my advice is to pick something new that you've not done before that way you don't get into this "you're a has-been that never was." thing.
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Going back to what you know is probably the most blatant example of the loss of creativity.

Don't go back to your old anime, anonymous poster. Move on, become inspired by something new. The familiar will ruin you.
 
I stopped going through post history/text messages/etc when I found transsexual porn on my dad's comp.

That was enough for me to quit for good. Especially being young and not understanding why a girl would have a penis.

That's a confession I guess.
 
Az said:
So your dad is a normal human being. What a monster!!

(I found my dads condoms once)
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I once "found" (was not looking) a stack of Playboys in my parents' bedroom just sort of inconspicuously sitting on a shelf. I mentioned casually to my dad he might want to stash them some where less obvious for my mom's sake. He said, "Mom knows about the Playboys."

*shudder*
 
CHEEZMO™;38279027 said:
...

WHY?!
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I did once and will never do it again. It was to prove a point when he said something I installed, months before he got pc problems, were the reason he now suddenly had a virus. Seeing as he had been a dick and blamed the problems on me, I had to tell his girlfriend about his apparent fascination with "fucking machines". He should be happy I left out the transsexual stuff.
 
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