Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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GL with it ! also kinda strange that I see your picture immediately on that facebook page :p
Hahah yeah I guess I was the most recent person to accept the invite to the event.

Should go just fine. It's a girl I've already seeing but this is our first real date night. Been wanting to do something like this for a while and finally got a weekend where neither of us had plans.
 
Alright fellas I'm in need of a little advice. Since I split up with my long-term girlfriend some eight months back I've had quite a few successful hook-ups and one night stands but emotionally there's been no feeling for a while.

Anyway, I started a summer course this past Monday and there's this girl who I took to immediately, absolutely gorgeous, extremely intelligent, the works. After class I ran into her at the book store where I showed her around (she's not from our campus) and helped her find our stuff. Then she asked me if I wanted to join her in sitting and doing the reading together at the coffeeshop. We sat down to read but the conversation flowed really well and naturally and I took a great liking to her and I got good vibes in return. We got none of our work done, which I suppose is a good sign.

Every day of the week since then we seem to always end up talking after class walking together, and I've been getting the impression that she is the one making the first move to hang out and talk after class, although I could be reading into things too much. She's done some flirting with me (like asking if she'd get to see me when she comes down to NYC, where I'm from, commenting on my style because she liked my clothes, etc). On the Friday when we were walking out I intended on inviting her to a party we're having at our place this weekend but when I asked her what she was doing this weekend it turned out she was going away for a concert. When she asked me what I was doing and I told her we were having a big 'ol party, she asked "and I'm not invited? :(" in an innocent joke sad face kind of way.

Anyway, to cut it short, I feel like I'm getting positive vibes from this girl to make some sort of move, but I wanted a second opinion. I've got her phone number (we exchanged them for class) and I've been very, very tempted to text her something, anything, because for the first time in a long time I think I'm actually connecting with another person and I'm not just thinking about getting with her or anything like that. I quite like her. Does it sound like she might be interested, or is this a girl just being friendly? And if so, what do I do? Should I text her about the party we're having and say it's missing my favourite nun (inside joke about her), should I not text? Do I wait til we inevitably speak after class Monday? This is new territory for me because I actually like this person and don't want to blow it.
 
You're being too hard on yourself. 22 isn't old AT ALL. In the grand scheme of things, 3 years is a drop in the pond. It's only a big deal if you make it out to be.

I think you need to set smaller goals. Instead of looking years or months ahead, plan your weekend. Attend a concert. Organize a beach party if it's sunny. Weather sucks? Invite people over to play board games. Introduce yourself to friends of friends.

Just go out and be around people, and DON'T SET UNREALISTIC EXPECATATIONS. Get their number/Facebook. Make yourself interesting and interested. Heck, be a bit of an arse by inviting yourself to events. In a big group, no one really cares if there's one more.
True.

I always make sure to go out during the weekend, or on a friday (like tonight).

The thing is I don't even go out with big expectations, I just simply want to open up as a person. Even getting some girls number is beyond what I'm expecting at the moment, and to me that seems like a long way away presently.

Also although it isn't his intention, I feel like my dad holds me back a bit and doesn't let me do what I want to do. I can't tell you how much it has had a negative effect on me growing up, and I most definitely feel trapped because of it.

It's one of the reasons I regret not leaving home during college. The only reason I'm living at home currently is because it's essentially free, and also because it's less hassle.

I just hate how things are going right now, whether it's my lack of friends, or how little I actually have fun.

Anyone here from London fancy being a wingman? Haha.

Edit: Sorry for the drunk post, I've had quite a few.
 
Alright fellas I'm in need of a little advice. Since I split up with my long-term girlfriend some eight months back I've had quite a few successful hook-ups and one night stands but emotionally there's been no feeling for a while.

Anyway, I started a summer course this past Monday and there's this girl who I took to immediately, absolutely gorgeous, extremely intelligent, the works. After class I ran into her at the book store where I showed her around (she's not from our campus) and helped her find our stuff. Then she asked me if I wanted to join her in sitting and doing the reading together at the coffeeshop. We sat down to read but the conversation flowed really well and naturally and I took a great liking to her and I got good vibes in return. We got none of our work done, which I suppose is a good sign.

Every day of the week since then we seem to always end up talking after class walking together, and I've been getting the impression that she is the one making the first move to hang out and talk after class, although I could be reading into things too much. She's done some flirting with me (like asking if she'd get to see me when she comes down to NYC, where I'm from, commenting on my style because she liked my clothes, etc). On the Friday when we were walking out I intended on inviting her to a party we're having at our place this weekend but when I asked her what she was doing this weekend it turned out she was going away for a concert. When she asked me what I was doing and I told her we were having a big 'ol party, she asked "and I'm not invited? :(" in an innocent joke sad face kind of way.

Anyway, to cut it short, I feel like I'm getting positive vibes from this girl to make some sort of move, but I wanted a second opinion. I've got her phone number (we exchanged them for class) and I've been very, very tempted to text her something, anything, because for the first time in a long time I think I'm actually connecting with another person and I'm not just thinking about getting with her or anything like that. I quite like her. Does it sound like she might be interested, or is this a girl just being friendly? And if so, what do I do? Should I text her about the party we're having and say it's missing my favourite nun (inside joke about her), should I not text? Do I wait til we inevitably speak after class Monday? This is new territory for me because I actually like this person and don't want to blow it.

Okay, I'm going to say for certain she's into you. There is a small chance she isn't, and you're going to be upset at me - but what have you lost then? If she wants to be your friend, she'll still be your friend. If she wants to be more, then you won't have lost that chance.

What's this shit about texting? Just call her up.

Also, what did you say after she said "And I'm not invited?" You were going to invite her, right? Did you say you were just about to invite her before she said she was going out of town?
 
Oh shit son, I am drunk right now and have told this girl i like, who's got a robotic wimp boy friend who ignores and upsets her, that I wish I was with her and make her happy and got nothing to loose on saying it as I wanted her to know. Can't wait to see what happens!
 
Oh shit son, I am drunk right now and have told this girl i like, who's got a robotic wimp boy friend who ignores and upsets her, that I wish I was with her and make her happy and got nothing to loose on saying it as I wanted her to know. Can't wait to see what happens!
You're an awful person.

leave my girlfriend alone
 
Oh shit son, I am drunk right now and have told this girl i like, who's got a robotic wimp boy friend who ignores and upsets her, that I wish I was with her and make her happy and got nothing to loose on saying it as I wanted her to know. Can't wait to see what happens!

Grats on trying to ruin a relationship
 
You're an awful person.

leave my girlfriend alone

She cried on my shoulder and always seeks my affection when she gets nothing by him. I might as well tell her where I stand so she can think twice and on what she wants for the future :) I am nota bad man, it's all fair in love and war! I wouldn't take the advantage and I am being honest and truthful now, but he doesn't do anything for her and she gets upset when he dictates his will what she should do, the poor girl.
 
Okay, I'm going to say for certain she's into you. There is a small chance she isn't, and you're going to be upset at me - but what have you lost then? If she wants to be your friend, she'll still be your friend. If she wants to be more, then you won't have lost that chance.

What's this shit about texting? Just call her up.

Also, what did you say after she said "And I'm not invited?" You were going to invite her, right? Did you say you were just about to invite her before she said she was going out of town?

Yeah I told her she was absolutely invited and she smiled and said she hopes I have fun. I would call but I've got shit reception at my flat and considering she's at a concert I've got no idea what I'd say. I don't even know what I'd say if I texted her. This is much harder when you actually care about the person you're pursuing :/
 
She cried on my shoulder and always seeks my affection when she gets nothing by him. I might as well tell her where I stand so she can think twice and on what she wants for the future :) I am nota bad man, it's all fair in love and war! I wouldn't take the advantage and I am being honest and truthful now, but he doesn't do anything for her and she gets upset when he dictates his will what she should do, the poor girl.

Would you do this if you were sober?

Well, best of luck.
 
Yeah I told her she was absolutely invited and she smiled and said she hopes I have fun. I would call but I've got shit reception at my flat and considering she's at a concert I've got no idea what I'd say. I don't even know what I'd say if I texted her. This is much harder when you actually care about the person you're pursuing :/

Well I didn't mean when she's AT the concert. I would probably wait until she's back to get in touch with her, but you should wait to hear other advice.

My one tip is to try to forget how much you care about her. If you can manage that, you'll be less likely to freak her out by pushing too hard and you'll have a better feel for good timing. You've shown enough of your considerate side that a bit of apathy will come off as confidence.
 
Well I didn't mean when she's AT the concert. I would probably wait until she's back to get in touch with her, but you should wait to hear other advice.

My one tip is to try to forget how much you care about her. If you can manage that, you'll be less likely to freak her out by pushing too hard and you'll have a better feel for good timing. You've shown enough of your considerate side that a bit of apathy will come off as confidence.

Cheers mate, much appreciated. My last question would be how would you suggest making the first move? Ask her on a date, that sort of thing? Don't really know what would be considered pushing and what would be fitting at this point.
 
Cheers mate, much appreciated. My last question would be how would you suggest making the first move? Ask her on a date, that sort of thing? Don't really know what would be considered pushing and what would be fitting at this point.

See, the problem is that you still have this idea that going on a date with you would be a burden. "Pushing" to want to spend time with someone? She obviously enjoys being around you. Remember that she's a human being, and humans have this strange tendency to find little things about other humans that they like that nobody else does.

Since you already have gotten coffee with her, try to find someplace interesting to go to. Look for some unique event that would be fun even if she turned out to only want to be with you as a friend. But make sure there's an opportunity for you to talk to her.
 
I am never going to experience any affection from a girl, ever. No matter how much I step my game up; no matter what "wingman" I team up with (who are fucking useless because they only approach 1 girl, rather than a pair or group); no matter seemingly how much I improve my life, I cannot find a female who finds me attractive.

I honestly have no idea what's wrong. If there are any Gaffers here in the Austin/San Antonio area in this thread, please PM me because I need to figure out just wtf I need to fix. I'm a grown-ass man who, despite all attempts to interact with the opposite sex, has never found true success.
 
I am never going to experience any affection from a girl, ever. No matter how much I step my game up; no matter what "wingman" I team up with (who are fucking useless because they only approach 1 girl, rather than a pair or group); no matter seemingly how much I improve my life, I cannot find a female who finds me attractive.

I honestly have no idea what's wrong. If there are any Gaffers here in the Austin/San Antonio area in this thread, please PM me because I need to figure out just wtf I need to fix. I'm a grown-ass man who, despite all attempts to interact with the opposite sex, has never found true success.

Make sure you smile at them.
 
Would you do this if you were sober?

Well, best of luck.


Oh fuck, I must have had a bit to drink. She's replied seeing the nice side out of it and had made her smile. I guess I've started a potential thing here out of being drunk, not the best way to do things as that was out of character from me and now feel a bit guilty but oh well, Ive just got to go forward and see where this goes.
 
I am never going to experience any affection from a girl, ever. No matter how much I step my game up; no matter what "wingman" I team up with (who are fucking useless because they only approach 1 girl, rather than a pair or group); no matter seemingly how much I improve my life, I cannot find a female who finds me attractive.

I honestly have no idea what's wrong. If there are any Gaffers here in the Austin/San Antonio area in this thread, please PM me because I need to figure out just wtf I need to fix. I'm a grown-ass man who, despite all attempts to interact with the opposite sex, has never found true success.

Wke9V.png
 
ding dong the wicked witch is deeeeeaaaaaaadddd.

slapped some girls arse on the dancefloor last night, i am such a dickhead when i'm single.

funnily enough though she came back afterwards... but i did not pursue.
 
Ha ha ha ha, damn, I really do need a breathalyzer lock on my PC so I don't drunk post in Gaf threads. :p

Anyway, something that really irks me is that nearly every one of my associates has stupidly high standards. They only consider approaching 9s, never considering anything less. Any time I spot one and say "hey let's approach that group" it's always met with a scoff and remark about how unattractive the women are.

You guys have any advice for approaching groups solo? I've realized I'm never going to have a wingman who works, so I'm saying fuck it and doing things myself from now on. Plz no stupid answers like "just confidence bro," I'm looking for more concrete things such as keeping the rest of the group engaged and closing the deal with one in question.
 
PUA would have you befriending the guys in the group (or the ugly girls I guess). I can't really say I follow my advice but just a "Hi!" is never a bad move. It'll flow a lot more naturally if you're just that, natural. Getting laid is not important and you're gonna have to work your ass off to get that to happen regularly if that's your only reason for talking to these people. Entertain them to entertain them, and yourself. The rest will follow. It really will.
 
I did something I'm not proud of yesterday.

I was leaving work yesterday and spoke to a co-worker I really like. She asked me if I had any plans. I said no then I asked her the same thing. She told me no while opening the to anothers office who happen to overhear. She told the other co-worker that she had plans but she didn't want to tell everyone. I got worried because she knows I liked her so I figured she was going on a date.

Later I find out through facebook. That part I'm not proud about.My friend told me that at least you now know. Nonetheless I'm 28 in July and never been on a date so rejection still hurts as much as the first one.:(

Interestingly later that day I was in the library studying and I asked someone a question about the bar. She asked me what year I was in law school and I told I graduated. However she started weird questions like nave I seen her before and I said no. At the end she said" thank for approaching me". I don't know if she was being genuine or concerned.

1. Considering my co-worker how do I treat my co-worker come Monday to avoid something awkward?

2. Did I scare the woman who I talked to or was happy that a guy approached her?

3. The woman did tell where to find her in library, should ask her for a lunch or coffee during a study break? Would that creep her out?

Edit: Also I did actively try to hit on the woman. I merely wanted a question answered.
 
Ha ha ha ha, damn, I really do need a breathalyzer lock on my PC so I don't drunk post in Gaf threads. :p


Anyway, something that really irks me is that nearly every one of my associates has stupidly high standards. They only consider approaching 9s, never considering anything less. Any time I spot one and say "hey let's approach that group" it's always met with a scoff and remark about how unattractive the women are.

You guys have any advice for approaching groups solo? I've realized I'm never going to have a wingman who works, so I'm saying fuck it and doing things myself from now on. Plz no stupid answers like "just confidence bro," I'm looking for more concrete things such as keeping the rest of the group engaged and closing the deal with one in question.


Well, I'll use last night as an example sir. I'm fairly shy when it comes to approaching girls and I've found that there is a sweet spot when I drink that gives me the ability to go up to and have a conversation with girls without being too sloppy.


If you see a girl that you're interested in just fucking walk up to her, look into her eyes and as many have already said, just say "hi!". Smile be positive and If you're not hitting on the 5-10% of total snobby bitches I really believe you can get a solid conversation at the least.


It must be "Hi"though, don't overcomplicate it. And if you get drunk enough to not give a fuck, approach a group of girls alone, (I know it's tough believe me). But it shows them that you have so much confidence and I fucking swear the majority of Women will be flattered and converse with you.


We only live one fucking time, and if a girl isn't interested after you say hi, move on to your next target.


The goal is to have a conversation first to improve your comfort level around them which will then hopefully lead to dancing(If you dance my tip is hold the girls hands or hips and follow their movements lol). Not the most original advice, I know it's been repeated several times in this thread but I literally approached every girl In the club last night and everyone at least was polite and talked to me, when I approached groups of girls(which I've never done before) their eyes lit up and I got much further with those ladies.
 
Well, I'll use last night as an example sir. I'm fairly shy when it comes to approaching girls and I've found that there is a sweet spot when I drink that gives me the ability to go up to and have a conversation with girls without being too sloppy.


If you see a girl that you're interested in just fucking walk up to her, look into her eyes and as many have already said, just say "hi!". Smile be positive and If you're not hitting on the 5-10% of total snobby bitches I really believe you can get a solid conversation at the least.


It must be "Hi"though, don't overcomplicate it. And if you get drunk enough to not give a fuck, approach a group of girls alone, (I know it's tough believe me). But it shows them that you have so much confidence and I fucking swear the majority of Women will be flattered and converse with you.


We only live one fucking time, and if a girl isn't interested after you say hi, move on to your next target.


The goal is to have a conversation first to improve your comfort level around them which will then hopefully lead to dancing(If you dance my tip is hold the girls hands or hips and follow their movements lol). Not the most original advice, I know it's been repeated several times in this thread but I literally approached every girl In the club last night and everyone at least was polite and talked to me, when I approached groups of girls(which I've never done before) their eyes lit up and I got much further with those ladies.

This. Just making conversation is not going to kill you and most women are flattered if you went to talk and say hi. I do this all the time, even with a group of girls, and it's always been great talking and seeing where it goes, especially it being new people. Its not going to kill you and what is there to loose from the worst case situation?they are not going to take it personal so there's no point in worrying and just go out there!
 
Ugh, sometimes I hate my body.

Had a date with a 10 the other night, met her online. Not just a ten, but my perfect woman. 5'7, loves wearing high heels, toned legs that go on forever, tight butt, big eyes and a wide smile.

It's a great date. Bounced her to a few places to keep the excitement level high - tappas joint, comedy club, then a bar where you play board games while you drink (waist high jenga).

By the end we've been touching and kissing for awhile, and she is dying to come back to my place. And it's about this point I realize how much alcohol I've consumed and start wondering if that's a great idea.

But hot girl begging me to take her home, and I'm drunk... there wasn't much chance of me saying no.

So yeah, we get back, and we're both hammered, and it's incredibly awkward. Can't get it up to begin with, try and keep it quiet though by focusing on her body, fore-play and oral. Hearing girls moan and seeing them buck usually gets me rock hard, but it takes FOREVER. And she just happens to be the kind of girl that could give a shit about oral, she just wants penis... so it's not really having a huge positive effect on either of us.

By the time I get hard, she's about to pass out anyway. We crash, laugh about it, kiss and say we'll go for round two next week.

... then mid-way through the day I get a text from her saying 'Oh my god, I never do that on a first date. I feel so bad and awful about it. I made a huge mistake, I'm deleting my online profile. Thanks for a fun night but I don't think we should see each other again.'

Now, she DID delete her online profile, so that part was true. And she is young (19) and I'm almost 10 years older, so that might be a factor. I just can't shake the feeling this has nothing to do with the fact she got naked, and everything to do with the fact that it was an awkward experience.

I told her I'd give her a shout in a couple weeks, and we can go from there.

Stupid dick. Just get hard when I tell you to and things will go fine.
 
Stupid dick. Just get hard when I tell you to and things will go fine.

dude just think about how you got her into bed. one date and you got her all hot and bothered? you must be either seriously good looking or have serious power over women.

forget about not getting it up. the way you're going it won't be long till you get another opportunity, just don't drink as much next time!
 
dude just think about how you got her into bed. one date and you got her all hot and bothered? you must be either seriously good looking or have serious power over women.

forget about not getting it up. the way you're going it won't be long till you get another opportunity, just don't drink as much next time!

That's a good way to look at it.

The annoying part about it (or about me, more specifically), is this is the kind of thing that WILL bug me, and I probably will think about it when it's time to bed the next girl... and that can quickly become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So maybe I'll just hold off wacking it for awhile, and get to a point where my body is so desperate for release that even a cold wind could get it hard, hahaha.
 
Yeah you can't really blame that experience on your body. That one is on you and nobody else. Learn from it and never ever do that again. Tough love but yeah, you don't deserve any pity after such a story that actually went well up until the finish line. You got wasted on your first date, that's just stupid.
 
Yeah you can't really blame that experience on your body. That one is on you and nobody else. Learn from it and never ever do that again. Tough love but yeah, you don't deserve any pity after such a story that actually went well up until the finish line. You got wasted on your first date, that's just stupid.

Gotta agree with Minamu here. I'll drink on the first date, but I'll always stop when I reach the tipsy point. I can control my actions, and feel a little more free during the tipsy stage. Beyond that simply spells disaster.
 
Yeah you can't really blame that experience on your body. That one is on you and nobody else. Learn from it and never ever do that again. Tough love but yeah, you don't deserve any pity after such a story that actually went well up until the finish line. You got wasted on your first date, that's just stupid.

Who says I was looking for pity?

I was venting frustration.

And I wasn't anything beyond tipsy, or at least I didn't feel like it. Had a bit of a hang-over, nothing more than that. My dick should have been able to handle the alcohol I consumed.
 
q: if face online then how book is this now facebook?
 
Online your chat is set to online status.

Otherwise, nobody knows you're online.

So if I get online then people know I'm online? Oh well after what I did I deserve the consequence. Like I told my friend just now I need to appreciate what I have in life and not care about what I don't have.

I'll act professional with my co-worker come Monday.

Once I finish the bar I'll work on expanding my life. I can't let failures like what happen consume me.
 
I fucking hate that I can't keep my emotions in check. What I'd give to be able to separate friend from potential partner. Would save my so much needless emotional termoil or whatever you want to call it.
/drunk rant
 
Ha Cringey reading.
I'm 25 but yeah really could do with being able to section off one really close girl mate to not feel anything more than how I do with my guy mates, rather than playing stupid mental games of "does she like me more than this?"

Clearly not but yet it still goes round and around and I don't want it too.A Maturity thing maybe? Who knows..
 
Ha Cringey reading.
I'm 25 but yeah really could do with being able to section off one really close girl mate to not feel anything more than how I do with my guy mates, rather than playing stupid mental games of "does she like me more than this?"

Clearly not but yet it still goes round and around and I don't want it too.A Maturity thing maybe? Who knows..

Yeah, it's maturity, man. Time to man up and grow up.

It sounds like you need better people to open up to, it's good that you're considering a girl to do so.

First thing: Do not open up to a girl UNLESS you have zero intentions of ever getting with her and you make that clear. If you want honest advice from her you have to friendzone both of yourselves from the start. Don't let it get awkward.

Secondly: Never ask YOURSELF if she likes you. That's high school nonsense. You ask HER. Always flat out make your intentions clear to ANY girl you are interested in. If she reciprocates, pursue it. If she's not interested, don't waste her or your time, move on fast.

Thirdly: Grow up. Bears repeating. Women are people too and they're all just as messed up and emotionally confused as the guys. We're all just posturing and faking it. Just go up and be honest with everyone and you will find more success. "Games" are for people who don't think life has consequences. So that means children and manchildren, neither of which are attractive.
 
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