Sanky Panky
Banned
Yeah Leeness is damn cute, so maybe she just needs a more positive outlook about guys/dating and some higher self-esteem/confidence.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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She posted a pic in the weightloss thread, she looks just fine. The issue is her admittedly stand-offish personality. Warm up!
IF she just recently lost a bunch of weight I guess that would explain the self esteem issues, then. They can be hard to overcome after a lifetime of being overweight.
Johnlenham
Member
Yeah Im saying this as a genralization but nobody wants to hang out with overly negative people.
I have a friend of a friend who is litrally a mobile black hole, sucking out the enjoyment of everything by being so negative to the point I try to avoid her now as its just too damn depressing.
Ditto.
Agreed on the negativity thing. I've been feeling like shit lately but still act like being happy, I guess it works a bit.
I bet Amir0x remembers, I'll go ask.
I don't even know how/why I got that.
I do think that Leeness is quite good looking, her pictures make her seem pretty approachable.
Attackthebase
Member
You're pretty damn cute when it comes to the face. The people who know me on Gaf (i.e. Tinychat) will support that I am a stickler for appearances. So, when I say you're attractive, it's the bloody truth. Like Hawk mentioned, killer smile.
[KoRp]Jazzman
Member
Z
ZombieFred
Unconfirmed Member
Uh, this thread has taken a turn on the interesting side haha. I hope you lot have not made her feel uneasy now when she posts in here :lol:
NihonTiger90
Member
Wait, guys really are calling you ugly, Leeness? I think the problem's on their end, not yours. You're definitely not.
The one thing I've also learned about OKC (from both talking to girls on there and through the fun of Devo's mod postings from there) is that there's a ton of rotten eggs on most dating sites, OKC included, and you just have to not worry about it and keep trucking. I can tell you I have the same exact problem as you do except with the roles reversed (I was at one point too terrified to talk to girls because I was 100 percent sure they would quickly run away), and the best solution I've found to kind of squelching the issue is to just not worry. There are people out there who may judge you as being not this or not that, and it is their loss not to have you around, not the other way around.
You won't be lonely forever. It may take some time, but you'll eventually find someone who likes you for who you are in all facets of your life. I used to think it was somewhat impossible for me to ever find people who even found me interesting, but I've had some mild success over the past 6-7 months, even though I'm still single. It's been a bit of a confidence booster to actually get people to talk with me (despite the fact I usually think I'm an average-looking guy whose life is a bit boring because he's stuck in the middle of nowhere), but there's likely someone out there who's your match that you just haven't met yet.
Boozeroony
Member
Too bad it apparently doesn't count in real life
It is not the looks. It is confidence.
Her reaction will be interesting, to say the least.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Wtf Leeness, after all that this is what you look like? I approach and flirt with cute girls like you all the time, just lighten up.
That being said, to the Leeness's in here. You guys/gals are too hard on yourselves. A part of you knows that you're nothing bad to look at, that you're not bad company to be around - so cling onto that, reinforce that idea. Don't just give in and assume that "I guess I am ugly and boring then". The same way some average looking not that interesting guy can land hottie after hottie almost inexplicably, a good looking guy or girl who is a lot of fun can miss out on opportunity after opportunity.
The point is not to blame yourself or assume the worst, because that just feeds into a cycle of perpetual misery where you start to create your own self-fulfilling prophecy. Smile, you're good looking and fun people - it may take a while and it may take some effort, but it'll pay off eventually as long as you don't let the shitty hand you've been dealt so far wear you down.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Sometimes people mistake not being charismatic with being ugly. Just because you're not being approached doesn't mean you're not desirable.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Yeah, unfortunately I'm not Leeness. I actually am what I think I am.
Cute / pretty / etc. End of story. I'd probably fumble all over myself talking to a girl like you. In reality I just wouldn't because I'd just assume you were taken.
I once briefly dated a really attractive, cute girl who was so socially awkward it was offensive (so it didn't work out).
But every now and again those girls do exist: really pretty people who are just horrible in social settings, or don't know how to behave without making other people feel really awkward.
Could be that.
But every now and again those girls do exist: really pretty people who are just horrible in social settings, or don't know how to behave without making other people feel really awkward.
Could be that.
I'm up for that man!
Shit man, seeing this makes me want to come down and just hang out with you and make you feel more happy with life and stuff. You know, I always visit kent and pass by London via st panceras (I live in leicester) so if you PM me I am more than happy to talk to you matey and meet up sometime
Well one of those you can fix, and the other won't matter much when you do.
And by "fix", I don't mean you have to become someone different. You can be introverted yet confident and not socially awkward. It just takes practice.
A lot of people make mistakes in social situations, and then call it quits to avoid the pain again. But then they don't get any better. If you learn to be more charismatic, you can attract people that are much more physically attractive than you are.
Also, don't assume that attractive people are only attracted to physical characteristics.
I used to think the same thing about myself and have a girlfriend now. I still do to some degree, despite how hard I try to fix both.
Take that as you will.
man thats really bumming me out. all those posts on this site (and prolly the following half-dozen) should give you at least a bit well deserved ego-boost. you're definetly cute.
I don't really know where to blame your misfortune. Maybe the city / part of the city is just full of jerks.
One thing i can say from my experience is that everything changed for me in college and i mean i became a whole different person. grown up in one of the shittiest towns in germany and went to a nice one to study three years ago. Cant really guess your age but if you're near college / starting: be confident, thers a very high chance that things will get different. If not, blame me for culturally totally miscomparing the german college experience with the american.
Other than that, go out. Again, if your starting college / already in / planing: take as many cultural events / parties as your busy schedule allows. You'll gather friends like a katamari.
Now if i just reverse the way i flirt all you have to do is make eye contact and re-smile. Any sane guy will start talking to you. There is nothing more attractive in a girl like a cute smile and nice eyes and you own the hardware so use it
I'm being hyperbolic, but I appreciate the advice. I just need to lose weight and get out more once I feel like going out...right now I'm being real reclusive like on purpose. Girls tell me they love my smile and I'm bright enough to hold a good conversation. I'm giving myself a year to hit the gym, get into a better shape and then sort of hit the dating scene.
That's actually really good advice that everyone should take to heart.
Devolution
Member
Also depending on your location some people are just shallow jerks who expect women or men to act in certain ways, dress certain ways and have certain personality types. I didn't have the best luck in high school due to not being the typical girly girl or pom pom cheerleader. Leeness might be consistently running into the kind of guy who is stuck on high school mode (there are woman who do this too) and expects a certain kind of girl. I didn't really have much luck in high school dating other high schoolers, older guys were usually more interested in a low maintenance kind of gal. What I would suggest Leeness do is find a pattern, figure out where she's meeting this kind of guy and just stop trying to find relationships among those groups.
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
I just want to chime in, Leeness is a beautiful young woman.
I don't know. I can't seem to make even the basics of friends without being treated like a joke. So it does feel like something is wrong with me. And all it does is create discontent for yourself.
There is this super cute girl that works at a BBQ joint down the road from my work. Every time I see her on my break like once a week, I'm tempted to tell her how cute she is and how she should let me take her out for coffee. She just works behind the counter but it still seems weird though.
go for the long term plan. if your a regular she should recognize you. just plan to talk to her for a couple of minutes. if shes not having any customers talk her up and you can continue each week. id go for a 4 week plan and ask her out.
That's just difficult to do because she seems to be constantly doing stuff. I'm generally there while it's a bit busy due to lunch. I'll probably try to take a break a bit later to give it a shot.
NeOak
Member
hawkshockey11 posts links to pics of Leeness, thread derailed to how attractive she is.
Very true. People tend to associate what you say about yourself with you... especially the negative stuff.
Very true. People tend to associate what you say about yourself with you... especially the negative stuff.
Yeah Leeness is a cutie
I'd post my photo because I feel the same way she does about herself, but I'd rather not draw attention away from this appreciation station
haha. i think you'd do her a favour. when she sees all those nice posts she will feel bad to not be able to reply to them all.
PhoenixDark
Banned
I didn't click on Leeness pics because I prefer getting to know women without looking at their picture, instead of judging based on physical looks. From her posts she's a very beautiful young woman I think, perhaps the most beautiful I've read in years.
So yea, just my two cents ^o^
So yea, just my two cents ^o^
Glorified G
Member
Good call, Kinitari. lol
NeOak
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Glorified G
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