You could always do dinner at your place (unless you can't cook worth a damn, then by all means eat out) and then Netflix/HBO it up. If she agrees to the date, she knows what's up, so make a move.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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You could always do dinner at your place (unless you can't cook worth a damn, then by all means eat out) and then Netflix/HBO it up. If she agrees to the date, she knows what's up, so make a move.
Highly agree with this.
Vermillion
Banned
Damn, that's what I thought. A friend of mine (also a friend of hers) was telling me it was fine, but I decided it would be a bad idea... WELP.
You could confront her and just lay it on the table that the side thing stops when you two start. *Shrug* Not worth the bs to me though.
FutureZombie
Banned
I need advice on how to have a conversation with a woman that doesn't end up feeling like I'm interviewing her. I've had too many first dates that went that way.
I also need advice on how to be flirtatious in a work place setting without going over the line. And in this specific instance, my attempts at humor have been misjudged as me being an asshole. So I also need to undo that somehow. I need help, Gaf!
I also need advice on how to be flirtatious in a work place setting without going over the line. And in this specific instance, my attempts at humor have been misjudged as me being an asshole. So I also need to undo that somehow. I need help, Gaf!
Grimm Fandango
Member
Yeah... I can't cook worth a damn but she knows that so it's all good. It would be funny if I made this great dinner out of nowhere. But we'll probably eat out, walk around for a bit then head back to my place. Thanks guys, just need to call her tomorrow. Maybe grabbing ice cream and condiments for my house is ideal if we were to make sundaes or something.
Geez. For the interviewing thing, stop prodding and asking too many questions. Be interested and engaged in what she's saying, don't constantly interrupt with a question or whatever you're doing. There's a line between making conversation/getting to know someone and overdoing it. Find the balance.
As for the workplace you've backed yourself into a corner where based on your conversational prowess, you're probably just going to make it worse every time you open your mouth. Give it time to cool down.
If you're a bad cook and have some time before the date, find a friend or family member that can cook, get some help/tips. Do something easy.
FutureZombie
Banned
Is there any advantage to being seen as an asshole? It wasn't my intention, but could it end up being a positive?
Uh. I'm sorry, let's rewind. Are you trying to get with a girl at work?
FutureZombie
Banned
Yes
No. No, no, no. You don't do this.
So, I might be meeting a girl for coffee soonI had been chatting with online for a decent amount and then she suddenly stopped responding about a month ago. So, today, I sent her a message asking "Hey, what's up?"
She said "hey there. just relaxing now, whats up with you?"
I said "Eh, not much. Just trying to get back into some type of exercise schedule. I was wondering (if it's not too forward) if you'd like to hang out sometime?"
She said "sure I would, coffee?"
And then I said "awesome
I'll keep you guys posted.
Ok, she finally responded by saying "sounds good". How do I ask her what time and day? Like "I'm free tomorrow afternoon around 3. Does that work for you?" Something like that? Or "I'm free most of the weekend. What time works for you?"
element
Member
Advice time!!!
So last weekend eHarmony did one of their free weekends. So I signed up, filled out all their crappy questions. I clicked some buttons for the first round of questions. I get an email that someone responded to my questions. Did the eHarmony back and forth with this one girl to step three I think and the free weekend ended. I went and looked at this girls profile and something sounded familiar. I ended up spending the $7 to be able to see photos and it was this girl I went on a date with three or four years ago and we just lost touch.
So here is the question. We are both locked out of emailing each other on eHarmony, but we have emailed each other in the past with our real email accounts. Should I email this girl and tell her? I asked some other friends and they thought it sounded like a romcom or something. Fate shit. I just don't want to be the creepy internet guy :\
So last weekend eHarmony did one of their free weekends. So I signed up, filled out all their crappy questions. I clicked some buttons for the first round of questions. I get an email that someone responded to my questions. Did the eHarmony back and forth with this one girl to step three I think and the free weekend ended. I went and looked at this girls profile and something sounded familiar. I ended up spending the $7 to be able to see photos and it was this girl I went on a date with three or four years ago and we just lost touch.
So here is the question. We are both locked out of emailing each other on eHarmony, but we have emailed each other in the past with our real email accounts. Should I email this girl and tell her? I asked some other friends and they thought it sounded like a romcom or something. Fate shit. I just don't want to be the creepy internet guy :\
FutureZombie
Banned
We don't work together. Just in the same place.
So you work at the same company but your job requirements don't have you interact?
Specific time.
Vermillion
Banned
GAF, two years of dating before getting married - what do you think?
FutureZombie
Banned
Yes. We both work 1 on 1 with other people.
Typically this is still a no. You don't want to date someone in the same workplace regardless of whether your roles interact. How did you manage to make it worse and come off as an asshole?
Really subjective and situational.
FutureZombie
Banned
I told her I was going to Vegas and she said, "I hate Vegas, it's stupid". So I said, "You should have said 'Vegas is awesome, you'll have a great time' to psyche me up for my trip."
And then she walked away and said, "I guess I never say the right thing to you." Which was because last time we talked, I also joked like that and she took it the wrong way somehow.
Hahaha. Don't even bother if that's the type of shit she says. What a drama queen.
FutureZombie
Banned
Well she's exceptionally good looking. I just want some advice on how to handle this! If not for now, then for future situations. Is coming off as an asshole ever good?
Come on man. You turned her shitty negative comment about your trip into a semi-charming flirtatious opening. If you were smiling while you said it, you nailed it. This girl responds to that with "I guess I never say the right thing to you" ? She's a wet sponge. Next.
FutureZombie
Banned
I'm very dead-pan so it could possibly have been misinterpreted. I dunno. Again, could it be a good thing for a girl to think you're a jerk?
Damn. Already sent the "I'm free most of the weekend. What time works for you?" response. I asked a female friend what she thought. Apparently girls like flexibility *shrug* Hopefully I didn't fuck things up.
Depends on the girl but I was trying to avoid you looking like a dude with nothing going on this weekend. I'm sure it's fine.
I don't think it's ever a good thing for the girl you're interested in to think you're a jerk. You want to maintain an edge and not come off as Michael Cera but you don't want to be an asshole either.
You keep ending the conversation where she has to come up with the place date and time. You don't sound confident. Most girls I know hate that. If it wasn't a good time she would just tell you and suggest another time.
Next time you should have said, "sure! How about 3pm on Sat?".
Some thing applies with dates. If you want to give her choices then give her choices. But don't ever say, "I dunno, what do you want to do"
Nerds with Guns
Banned
GAF I FUCKING LOVE EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!
*rubs hands together* Tell us what happened.
Vermillion
Banned
Don't leave us in suspense!
Nerds with Guns
Banned
Give me some time to type all this out. I keep replaying everything in my head right now.
Admiral Bone to Pick
Banned
Let me guess: Anal.
Comes across like she is the only thing going on for you that weekend (whether that is true or not), which can be a turn off. I read the other messages you sent, they all seem really indecisive - like you are trying to pass the buck for all the decisions to her. Personally, that has never worked for me. Like others have said, pick a time and place and ask her if that works. If it doesn't she will respond with a time/place that does (if she doesn't give an alternative she isn't interested). I even go with the "I'll be at this place at this time, you are free to join" line and that works too.
Having said all that, if she responds and you go on a date all that stuff is water under the bridge. Just don't be a wet blanket when you meet face to face. You probably won't hear from her again. Good luck.
I made one of the girls I'm dating wait 2 weeks to see me. She attacked me the second we got in a private setting.
Nerds with Guns
Banned
Holy shit do I hate writing long ass post, so bare with me please.
Night started out pretty interesting, it was raining all day and that would continue throughout the evening. I arrived at the bar ten minutes early (like I always do on dates) so I could check out the place to see if I wanted to stick around for a long time. The bar was loud but not necessarily crowded. I take a booth seat in the back facing the door and try to relax. It wasnt working. As much as anyone will tell you that Im a very calm and chill person I couldnt get out of my head. I kept playing the what if game for some reason. Those ten minutes felt like the longest ten minutes of my life. I felt like I was back on my first date, or like a kid staying up to 11:50 on Christmas Eve. Shit was surreal and I couldnt stand it.
She text me to say shes just around the corner and walks in right at 9:00. She looks so beautiful. We make eye contact and shes just smiling at me. At that point you couldnt kick the smile off my face which in turn makes her giggle. We greet each other; she buries her head in my chest and hugs tightly which makes me feel really good. For about thirty minutes were talking, laughing, and getting to know each other better. At times I would purposely let the conversation hit a lull to see if she would restart it. She wouldnt. She would have her hand slightly resting over her lips, smile, and just stare at me. Which all that did was make me aware that I was fucking breathing. We talk for another fifteen minutes without her boyfriend coming up once. I felt like I had an army of Gaf posters in my head yelling dont mention the fucking boyfriend! As the conversation hits another lull she stares at me and ask so what do you want to know about him? I just have a blank look on my face and say whatever you want to mention about him.
As she starts talking my heart starts to sink. Shit was difficult to listen to. She was talking about how he was one of the first people she met when she got to the states; and how he was super nice and never took advantage of her (I guess friend to girlfriend does work Gaf lulz). She said since they were spending so much time together that they just naturally became a couple; even though she wasnt really romantically attracted to him. She also stated that with all the things going on in her life at the time that the relationship was one of the few stable things. I said to her well that was then, this is now. Why havent you broken up with him? She said if we hadnt met she would have broken up with him that Monday but in meeting me things got complicated. I asked her when she was going to do it and she said she wanted to get it over with this weekend.
At this point Ive heard what I wanted to hear and Im trying at God like speeds to change the subject. Also at this point it was around 10:30 and the bar had definitely gotten crowded. I desperately wanted to leave but I couldnt do what I normally do on a date (which is taking a walk through downtown) because it was still raining heavily. So I ask her if she wanted to go for a drive around the city. She agrees, so we pay for our waters and head out. We get in my car, put on some chill music, and drive off in no particular direction. Conversation started getting deep; we were talking about religion, the afterlife (conversations always go here for me), and relationships in general. She starts asking about past relationships and if Ive ever had a girlfriend. I said not one that I would consider a serious girlfriend (mistake?). She asks why? I was vague, said I have trouble opening up to people (double mistake?).
Eventually my stomach starts kicking me from inside to let me know that Im extremely hungry. In being incredibly nervous for the date I hadnt really eaten anything since five that afternoon. So we stop at a fast food joint, (shout out to McDonald's) place an order, eat, and sit inside there for a few minutes. I noticed it stopped raining outside and I tell her lets go for a walk. We walked around the block a few times and at this point Im in my head hardcore. I kept over analyzing shit and I dont even know why because the date was going really well. When we were sitting at the bar she would rest her head on my shoulder and I would have my arm around hers. As we were walking around I could feel her eyes looking up and beaming into my skull; and all I did was keep looking around the city with a stupid smirk on my face. I kept hesitating to go for the kiss. I knew it, she knew it. Old couple sitting on the bench across the street fucking knew it. At one point she was telling me a story from her childhood about her family and I wasnt evening paying attention. Thats just how badly I was in my own head.
Were walking back to my car and all Im thinking is You have to do it You have to go for it You have to go for it or a puppy will die. Also as were walking back she had gone quiet. I can tell shes not awkward; shes not impatient or disappointed. Shes just has her arms folded and looking down with a smile on her face so I know shes expecting it. Fuck.
We got back to the parking lot where my car was and I just went for it. We start kissing hard (this girl bites man). I feel it was easily one of my worst kisses but she enjoyed it so I guess it wasnt all bad. Shes giggling. Im acting stupid. I finally stop and ask her whats up? (Triple mistake?) She just looks at me and says finally. So after a few more minutes of making the people in the surrounding cars uncomfortable we get in my car and take off. I drive her back to hers, talk a little more; she then gets in her car and follows me home to my apartment. On the way back to my place my hearts racing. That previous ten minute wait that felt like an eternity was made bitch by this fifteen minute one. Im trying to relax and play out all the scenarios in my head. Listening to music was my only sanity at that moment and it did allow me to calm down. We pull up to my building, start kissing heavily in the elevator ride up, and eventually make our way into my apartment. And at that point thats where I end this description because I dont want to go into more detail and get banned from Gaf lol.
So all this took place a few hours ago and shes now asleep in my bed and Im sitting in my kitchen listening to music and typing this out. I dont even know if I really want to post it but its helping me replay the night in my head and look for mistakes. Anyway Im just rambling at this point so if you made it this far thanks for reading and I just have one question. Is it normal to so much energy after something like this? I feel like my adrenaline is rushing but havent really done anything.
Night started out pretty interesting, it was raining all day and that would continue throughout the evening. I arrived at the bar ten minutes early (like I always do on dates) so I could check out the place to see if I wanted to stick around for a long time. The bar was loud but not necessarily crowded. I take a booth seat in the back facing the door and try to relax. It wasnt working. As much as anyone will tell you that Im a very calm and chill person I couldnt get out of my head. I kept playing the what if game for some reason. Those ten minutes felt like the longest ten minutes of my life. I felt like I was back on my first date, or like a kid staying up to 11:50 on Christmas Eve. Shit was surreal and I couldnt stand it.
She text me to say shes just around the corner and walks in right at 9:00. She looks so beautiful. We make eye contact and shes just smiling at me. At that point you couldnt kick the smile off my face which in turn makes her giggle. We greet each other; she buries her head in my chest and hugs tightly which makes me feel really good. For about thirty minutes were talking, laughing, and getting to know each other better. At times I would purposely let the conversation hit a lull to see if she would restart it. She wouldnt. She would have her hand slightly resting over her lips, smile, and just stare at me. Which all that did was make me aware that I was fucking breathing. We talk for another fifteen minutes without her boyfriend coming up once. I felt like I had an army of Gaf posters in my head yelling dont mention the fucking boyfriend! As the conversation hits another lull she stares at me and ask so what do you want to know about him? I just have a blank look on my face and say whatever you want to mention about him.
As she starts talking my heart starts to sink. Shit was difficult to listen to. She was talking about how he was one of the first people she met when she got to the states; and how he was super nice and never took advantage of her (I guess friend to girlfriend does work Gaf lulz). She said since they were spending so much time together that they just naturally became a couple; even though she wasnt really romantically attracted to him. She also stated that with all the things going on in her life at the time that the relationship was one of the few stable things. I said to her well that was then, this is now. Why havent you broken up with him? She said if we hadnt met she would have broken up with him that Monday but in meeting me things got complicated. I asked her when she was going to do it and she said she wanted to get it over with this weekend.
At this point Ive heard what I wanted to hear and Im trying at God like speeds to change the subject. Also at this point it was around 10:30 and the bar had definitely gotten crowded. I desperately wanted to leave but I couldnt do what I normally do on a date (which is taking a walk through downtown) because it was still raining heavily. So I ask her if she wanted to go for a drive around the city. She agrees, so we pay for our waters and head out. We get in my car, put on some chill music, and drive off in no particular direction. Conversation started getting deep; we were talking about religion, the afterlife (conversations always go here for me), and relationships in general. She starts asking about past relationships and if Ive ever had a girlfriend. I said not one that I would consider a serious girlfriend (mistake?). She asks why? I was vague, said I have trouble opening up to people (double mistake?).
Eventually my stomach starts kicking me from inside to let me know that Im extremely hungry. In being incredibly nervous for the date I hadnt really eaten anything since five that afternoon. So we stop at a fast food joint, (shout out to McDonald's) place an order, eat, and sit inside there for a few minutes. I noticed it stopped raining outside and I tell her lets go for a walk. We walked around the block a few times and at this point Im in my head hardcore. I kept over analyzing shit and I dont even know why because the date was going really well. When we were sitting at the bar she would rest her head on my shoulder and I would have my arm around hers. As we were walking around I could feel her eyes looking up and beaming into my skull; and all I did was keep looking around the city with a stupid smirk on my face. I kept hesitating to go for the kiss. I knew it, she knew it. Old couple sitting on the bench across the street fucking knew it. At one point she was telling me a story from her childhood about her family and I wasnt evening paying attention. Thats just how badly I was in my own head.
Were walking back to my car and all Im thinking is You have to do it You have to go for it You have to go for it or a puppy will die. Also as were walking back she had gone quiet. I can tell shes not awkward; shes not impatient or disappointed. Shes just has her arms folded and looking down with a smile on her face so I know shes expecting it. Fuck.
We got back to the parking lot where my car was and I just went for it. We start kissing hard (this girl bites man). I feel it was easily one of my worst kisses but she enjoyed it so I guess it wasnt all bad. Shes giggling. Im acting stupid. I finally stop and ask her whats up? (Triple mistake?) She just looks at me and says finally. So after a few more minutes of making the people in the surrounding cars uncomfortable we get in my car and take off. I drive her back to hers, talk a little more; she then gets in her car and follows me home to my apartment. On the way back to my place my hearts racing. That previous ten minute wait that felt like an eternity was made bitch by this fifteen minute one. Im trying to relax and play out all the scenarios in my head. Listening to music was my only sanity at that moment and it did allow me to calm down. We pull up to my building, start kissing heavily in the elevator ride up, and eventually make our way into my apartment. And at that point thats where I end this description because I dont want to go into more detail and get banned from Gaf lol.
So all this took place a few hours ago and shes now asleep in my bed and Im sitting in my kitchen listening to music and typing this out. I dont even know if I really want to post it but its helping me replay the night in my head and look for mistakes. Anyway Im just rambling at this point so if you made it this far thanks for reading and I just have one question. Is it normal to so much energy after something like this? I feel like my adrenaline is rushing but havent really done anything.
Absolutely. It's okay to be excited about a successful date with a girl, haha. Especially when you closed the deal the first night. You've done well.
Vermillion
Banned
Good shit dude!
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Nerds with Guns
Banned
Nah that's not it. I've had successful dates before, I've felt that "euphoria" feeling before, this ones different. I just have a lot of energy. Feel like could do a couple of triathlons or punch a boulder or some shit.
Appreciate it.
Edit: thanks MiDNiGHTS.
NeOak
Member
Good job! You've made Dating-GAF proud. Come back here whenever you want for advice and good luck in your new adventure!
I've been reading your little story. Well done young'un, well done. You've earned my respect.
I'm 24, never made out with a chick; virgin.
Your story is a fine example of taking a risk by approaching a chick in a public place, going out with the said chick, breaking the sexual tension by taking initiative, and ending the night in style. It's perfectly normal to be a little bit anxious because you did it; it'll eventually calm down. And the fact that she's much older than you means she must have taught you a few new things given that she's pretty experienced.
Nerds With Guns said:
Heh, good method.
When I first kissed my gf my head was spinning, but I didn't have any hesitation. We were standing at her doorway, and she looked so fucking beautiful and was just looking at me with the cutest smile. I couldn't resist, and just went for it. I was horrible, and I knew she knew it...haha. I had never kissed anyone before that, and had no idea how it was done. That was a long time ago, man.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I know how you feel man. Most of my problems arise from the fact that I'm basically inexperienced in life. I'm playing catchup against everyone else.
Yeah, chalk it up to being a late bloomer, being extremely shy, going to church (which I stopped going to around 15 years old), social anxiety (which still persists to this day; seeing a therapist for it), and not having a father around to learn how to talk to women. Like Devo said, us men are incredibly oblivious to when a woman is being flirtatious and showing interest versus being friendly. I assume that every woman I talk to is being friendly but I've learned to pick up a little bit on when a woman telegraphs interest. I still can't tell the difference myself, but I'm learning slowly.
Like the saying goes, fake till you make it. Inexperience makes every guy feel insecure about himself, but its not like women can look at a random guy on the street and tell whether he's experienced or inexperienced. There seems to be a stereotype that inexperienced guys are pushover sexless chumps when it's quite the opposite. Every guy on this planet is sexual regardless of sexual orientation unless you're celibate or a monk. We gotta go out and take those social risks because eventually there will be a pay off. Everything is trial by fire otherwise.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
Yeah, I'm trying to fake it but it's harder than people make it seem. Like today I was at a barbershop (ugh, I'm sticking with salons from now on) and it was like a fraternity in there and I was the outcast. I just felt like they looked at me and knew I didn't belong there, which is why I assume they only said hello and goodbye to me where as everyone else was having long conversations. I also didn't have any positive male role models growing up so I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing to be a man. Probably why I feel uncomfortable in gyms, barbershops, etc.
I don't see no reason to feel uncomfortable at a gym. You're going to unwind, feel good, and work out for yourself. When I go to the gym, I go to the gym for me; I do say hi to regulars and talk to friends every now and then if we go at the same time. You're part of a sports club so think of it that way kind of like a fraternity is a social club of sorts. It feels second nature to me probably because I've been going to the same gym for about 6 years. It can be sociable as well because of the classes that they give there. You can try asking people what they're working out for the day or what their workout regimen is and stuff like that.
Barbershops are pretty sociable places. Whenever I go to take a shape up or a haircut, people are typically gossiping, and talking about the latest chick that a barber bagged or watching a baseball game. I personally don't talk too much and like to get down to business but I make some small talk.
I like the environment because it's alive as I've been to the same one for a good 6 years or so. It depends ultimately, but even though they might be out for a tip, ask them about guy stuff like how are the women and stuff like that.
Typically the energy in an environment is is contagious, so if the mood is positive, then it's going to pass on to you. Whenever I go to a GAF meet up, I get a warm energy from it from having known/seen several Gaffers at previous meet ups. So don't be so hard yourself for that. That's why the best thing to do is to place yourself in uncomfortable situations and settings; to feel uncomfortable and eventually get used to it.
Hell, like I told LeadProtagonist in the OKC thread, try hosting a GAF meet up in your neck of the woods to get to know some people and socialize; they've definitely helped me out. I love going to meet ups because it's always a learning experience as well as a social experience.
Arjen
Member
So i spend the second night at the girl i'm seeing, had a great time.
But i'm the kind of guy that needs his space, i really need my alone time.
I'm afraid this girl wants to move a bit faster than me, i really suck at these situations..
But i'm the kind of guy that needs his space, i really need my alone time.
I'm afraid this girl wants to move a bit faster than me, i really suck at these situations..
Awesome story dude, congrats!
Friday is typically a night I don't go out, but I do plan on changing that soon.Well, I got two free tequila shots in the ladies' room. Why didn't you?
Also sorry for not responding to your PM yet, I haven't had a chance to take a look at it yet!
Nice.
Also random question, but how old are you?
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