Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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It rang for a bit and THEN you got a busy signal???

Maybe a dropped call via cell phone carrier? I'd call back in an hour or two. It's likely she has no idea you tried to call.
 
ClovingWestbrook said:
when is your date scheduled for?
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No date scheduled yet. See:
celebi23 said:
Ok, so, I called her. It rang for a bit and then I got a busy signal. Man, after working up the nerve to call her (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
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SlipperySlope said:
It rang for a bit and THEN you got a busy signal???

Maybe a dropped call via cell phone carrier? I'd call back in an hour or two. It's likely she has no idea you tried to call.
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Exactly what happened. I'll call a bit after 5. Thanks for all of the advice guys. I really appreciate it. This is why GAF is so awesome :D
 
No. No. No. Please, for the love of all things human, DO. NOT. TEXT. under any circumstance. Keep trying the phone.
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Probably the best.

I guess what I would be concerned with is that after the second time she looks at her phone and sees "2 missed calls about 2 hours apart", then say she is busy and can't call right then...You call again then you have "3 missed calls." Kinda looks goofy if you ask me, but we are very much splitting hairs here.

Calling is the better default answer and retract my prior advice with the above caveat.
 
Ok, calling her again :P

edit: it rang for a bit and then I got an automated message saying that "the call could not be completed as dialed. Please check the number & try again"

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
 
The Incarnation said:
If you're not comfortable in your own skin, you'll get rejected anyway, you're rejecting yourself.

I've heard plenty of people say they don't find blacks attractive, but hey it's better than being hated for who you actually are, your character and all that, that is what gets you from A to be B, nothing else. And when I hear people say things like that I dislike them, and from my point of view that is the bigger deal. Such people aren't even worth a Hello.

Regardless that is one hangup you need to lose, and quickly, because when you do find that Woman, that issue will push her away. No one is going to want to mother you to help you feel accepted.
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Great advice here
 
Coconut said:
You should text her, asking if it's alright to call her.


That's a joke. Don't actually do that.
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Oh, I know :P Wait, maybe adding a 1 in front of the area code will work? But, if the 1 was needed, wouldn't the automated message tell me that? I'm so confused :/

edit: She just sent me a text:
"Hey what are you calling me for?"
 
celebi23 said:
I wasn't going to text. Don't worry :P I'm going to call again around 5 and if the same thing happens, maybe try again around like 7.
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I'd call one more time and leave a message if you can and then don't call her again. She has caller id - she knows you called. If she is in to you she will call back - if she doesn't, well at least you have your answer. Phoning over and over again is desperate.

Edit: Saw the text, phone her.
 
greenry said:
I'd call one more time and leave a message if you can and then don't call her again. She has caller id - she knows you called. If she is in to you she will call back - if she doesn't, well at least you have your answer. Phoning over and over again is desperate.

Edit: Saw the text, phone her.
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Call her a 3rd time? Isn't that a bit weird?
 
celebi23 said:
Oh, I know :P Wait, maybe adding a 1 in front of the area code will work? But, if the 1 was needed, wouldn't the automated message tell me that? I'm so confused :/

edit: She just sent me a text:
"Hey what are you calling me for?"
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Say that you wanted to confirm a good time to hang out. If she doesn't CALL you back or let you know that she isn't available to talk on the phone I wouldn't contact her anymore. I'd let her make the next move.

celebi23 said:
See below:


So, I'm just asking her via text. Here goes nothing :P
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Don't ask her via text. Ask when she will be available to talk on the phone.
 
ClovingWestbrook said:
Say that you wanted to confirm a good time to hang out. If she doesn't CALL you back or let you know that she isn't available to talk on the phone I wouldn't contact her anymore. I'd let her make the next move.



Don't ask her via text. Ask when she will be available to talk on the phone.
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Devolution said:
Tell her that you'd rather discuss plans to date over the phone than over text.
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Arggghh, so many options :/ I'm going with Devolution's idea.
 
ClovingWestbrook said:
Say that you wanted to confirm a good time to hang out. If she doesn't CALL you back or let you know that she isn't available to talk on the phone I wouldn't contact her anymore. I'd let her make the next move.



Don't ask her via text. Ask when she will be available to talk on the phone.
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Now you guys are just getting really dramatic about it. I set up dates via text all the time. Texting is a modern convenient form of communication
 
celebi23 said:
Arggghh, so many options :/ I'm going with Devolution's idea.
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NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, ask anything of significance over text. Do not hold a conversation with a woman you are looking to date over text. If she does what she just did, just say you wanted to talk over the phone. If she makes a fuss about it, move on.

Coconut said:
Now you guys are just getting really dramatic about it. I set up dates via text all the time.
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Just because it may work doesn't mean you should do it.
 
Razorskin said:
Everything about this thread is dramatic, one wrong move and you've stepped on a landmine. Not good for building any confidence.
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Text messaging someone you're not dating should be a landmine. Sorry. Its horrible. Especially for people in this thread who don't have a lot of experience with dating. Learn to pick up the phone and call. Even if you 'mess up' its a learning experience. If you can't even talk to a person on the phone how are you going to hold a conversation in person. It's horrible.
 
Coconut said:
Now you guys are just getting really dramatic about it. I set up dates via text all the time. Texting is a modern convenient form of communication
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I agree with this.

Don't have conversations via text BEFORE you guys even date, BUT setting up dates? I don't see a problem with it. Times have changed, and nothing wrong with making plans via txt. Hasn't backfired on me yet.
 
celebi23 said:
Her response:
"Oh my someone sounds ready to jump into things!"

:D
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Play it cool! Say something like "Nah girl, that's just how I do my thang - no girl can resist my voice, it's smooth as silk, baby". That's what I would say.

That's not actually what I would say
 
If a girl is reluctant to talk to you over the phone, take the hint and move on. If she's shy or whatever I don't know what to tell you but any girl who has a genuine interest in you will want to talk to you. This is why I don't condone texting all that much, it prolongs the situation to find out whether you're truly compatible.
 
Devolution said:
If a girl is reluctant to talk to you over the phone, take the hint and move on. If she's shy or whatever I don't know what to tell you but any girl who has a genuine interest in you will want to talk to you. This is why I don't condone texting all that much, it prolongs the situation to find out whether you're truly compatible.
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Bingo. If a girl is avoiding communication with you early on its not gonna work and you should just move on.
 
celebi23 said:
Well, I responded:
"Yeah :)"

She responded:
"Well I'm not sure what I want :/"
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Yikes - well in this situation, what I would actually say is something along the lines of

"Oh? Well that's fine, if you're unsure about anything how about I just leave the ball in your court :)? Call me or send me a text if you decide you want to hang out!"

And just... leave it at that, and start moving on to the next one.

That's life.


Coconut said:
You should always say something like, 'Nah let's just figure it out as it goes.' rather then, 'YEAH!'

But her response is pretty shitty.


Exactly!
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I was worried that was a 'test' question. Which are the worst things in the world, as they are usually leading. She was probably trying to see if you were some needy freak, so she asks you a question that most people would just smile and nod to, as opposed to outright asking you what your intentions are. That's why I said 'play it cool!'
 
Coconut said:
You should always say something like, 'Nah let's just figure it out as it goes.' rather then, 'YEAH!'

But her response is pretty shitty.


Exactly!
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He could counter with something like "Oh don't worry I can help you with that"
Just forget about calling for now since she seems to be responding to texts, try to change the mood a little and make her laugh.
 
vctor182 said:
He could counter with something like "Oh don't worry I can help you with that"
Just forget about calling for now since she seems to be responding to texts, try to change the mood a little and make her laugh.
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No. Move on.

celebi23 said:
Her response:
"Haha ohhh ok :) I have to eat dinner soon i'll text you later!"

My response:
"Ok :)"
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ugh. Wait, she will TEXT you later? Bro. MOVE. ON. I am serious, it's not worth it.
 
celebi23 said:
Her response:
"Haha ohhh ok :) I have to eat dinner soon i'll text you later!"

My response:
"Ok :)"
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Cool, it probably ain't a thing.

Now this is absolutely crucial. No matter what, do not be the next person to send a text or a phone call, doesn't matter how long you have to wait. If she doesn't text you for a day, forget about her.
 
As something of an expert on first dates, let me tell you dudes how to do this shit.

1. Pick something where you can talk and be relaxed and not spend a ton of money. Drinks/coffee is pretty easy because each person can pay for their own and there are relatively little distractions.

2. Pick a place that is halfway between the two of you if you live relatively far apart (I live in LA so this comes up a lot).

3. Be decisive. Tell the girl you want to meet at place X at time Y on date Z. You can be flexible to a degree, ie maybe an hour later or something if you live somewhere with traffic, but DONT BE WISHY WASHY.

4. Be relaxed. Its a first date, the main thing is to meet and talk and see if there is any chemistry. Don't go with any expectations other than that.

5. Don't over communicate prior. Once the date, time and location are agreed upon the only thing you should message the other person about is to let them know if you are running excessively late or you have to cancel. If she cancels then the burden is on HER to reschedule. If she doesn't offer a new date up then she's not interested and you should move on.

Some of you guys are getting really stupid over first dates and blowing things before you even have a chance.
 
I may be alone in this and thats fine but if a woman is telling you she will 'text you later', MOVE. ON. Find someone who actually is willing to have conversations.

bluemax said:
As something of an expert on first dates, let me tell you dudes how to do this shit.

1. Pick something where you can talk and be relaxed and not spend a ton of money. Drinks/coffee is pretty easy because each person can pay for their own and there are relatively little distractions.

2. Pick a place that is halfway between the two of you if you live relatively far apart (I live in LA so this comes up a lot).

3. Be decisive. Tell the girl you want to meet at place X at time Y on date Z. You can be flexible to a degree, ie maybe an hour later or something if you live somewhere with traffic, but DONT BE WISHY WASHY.

4. Be relaxed. Its a first date, the main thing is to meet and talk and see if there is any chemistry. Don't go with any expectations other than that.

5. Don't over communicate prior. Once the date, time and location are agreed upon the only thing you should message the other person about is to let them know if you are running excessively late or you have to cancel. If she cancels then the burden is on HER to reschedule. If she doesn't offer a new date up then she's not interested and you should move on.

Some of you guys are getting really stupid over first dates and blowing things before you even have a chance.
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Listen to Blue.
 
celebi23 said:
Her response:
"Haha ohhh ok :) I have to eat dinner soon i'll text you later!"

My response:
"Ok :)"
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Yeah it sounds like she misinterpreted your text and thought you were rushing it and wanted to date (some sees it as getting into a relationship) instead of going ON a date which have two different meanings.

Right now I'm unsure if she is actually interested but for now play it cool. As in, DON'T TEXT HER AGAIN. Your response is enough. If she doesn't text you later, then she's not interested.
 
ClovingWestbrook said:
No. Move on.



ugh. Wait, she will TEXT you later? Bro. MOVE. ON. I am serious, it's not worth it.
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Wait, so just with a text you decide to move on or not? Women may have their own lives you know, they might be busy at some time and may not be able to talk or text. In this case, she is telling him she will text him later so the ball is in her court. Now all he has to do is wait for that text.
 
ClovingWestbrook said:
I may be alone in this and thats fine but if a woman is telling you she will 'text you later', MOVE. ON. Find someone who actually is willing to have conversations.



Listen to Blue.
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Or you know she's busy!

Celebi, if you don't hear back from this girl, please in 2 years text her asking if she is free to talk yet or is she still having the longest dinner ever?
 
Coconut said:
Or you know she's busy!
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so she is going to eat dinner and then text him. has he had one conversation with her on the phone? from what it seems, he hasn't (correct me if i am wrong). seems she is all about texting and if thats the case, move on. yes. move on.

vctor182 said:
Wait, so just with a text you decide to move on or not?
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if a woman tells me (btw, i am married) that she will text me after dinner, that is a huge strike and i simply move on. i will answer texts and if she initiates hanging out i will go but i am not going to put effort into it.
 
bluemax said:
As something of an expert on first dates, let me tell you dudes how to do this shit.

1. Pick something where you can talk and be relaxed and not spend a ton of money. Drinks/coffee is pretty easy because each person can pay for their own and there are relatively little distractions.

2. Pick a place that is halfway between the two of you if you live relatively far apart (I live in LA so this comes up a lot).

3. Be decisive. Tell the girl you want to meet at place X at time Y on date Z. You can be flexible to a degree, ie maybe an hour later or something if you live somewhere with traffic, but DONT BE WISHY WASHY.

4. Be relaxed. Its a first date, the main thing is to meet and talk and see if there is any chemistry. Don't go with any expectations other than that.

5. Don't over communicate prior. Once the date, time and location are agreed upon the only thing you should message the other person about is to let them know if you are running excessively late or you have to cancel. If she cancels then the burden is on HER to reschedule. If she doesn't offer a new date up then she's not interested and you should move on.

Some of you guys are getting really stupid over first dates and blowing things before you even have a chance.
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All great advice and how I approach things... especially on point 3 and 5. Women hate indecisiveness. That's not to say you don't give them any choices, but don't make think of something and plan your date. Set something up and if it's not good, she WILL say something and suggest another time. Also, often people overcommunicate before the first date and the conversation fizzles before the date arrives. Or it hypes up the first date to more than it really is.
 
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