Support NeoGAF

[Nerds with Guns]

"You remind me of my brother."

Well then.

Damn. That happened to you?

wanna talk about it?

On a serious tone, its great but be careful of wearing out the initial excitement.

No I got you man, I'm just enjoying the ride.

Wouldn't that seem like the desperate thing to do?

"I thought we hit it off yesterday but I was kicking myself because I didn't get your number. I came back to make up for that." You say this right and it's confident as hell. You say it any other way and yes it is very much desperate. Risk reward man.

 

[low-G]

This happened to me with 90% of girls on both OKC and Match.com when I was hunting for girls... as the above poster mentioned, it felt even worse when you got several exchanges with a girl and things were looking promising, then suddenly she dropped off the face of the earth.

Honestly, if weeks or months go by, feel free to message that girl again. I've gotten some dates with girls that momentarily dropped off, but usually I find out why (they're very career-focused, they've come off a bad breakup, lots of similar non-functional dating issues)

 

[UFRA]

Honestly, if weeks or months go by, feel free to message that girl again. I've gotten some dates with girls that momentarily dropped off, but usually I find out why (they're very career-focused, they've come off a bad breakup, lots of similar non-functional dating issues)

Well I'm done using online dating for now. About a month ago I started a relationship with a girl that I've worked with for the past year and a half. hehe, yeah, GAF will not like to hear that but I'm taking the risk.

 

[NeOak]

Well I'm done using online dating for now. About a month ago I started a relationship with a girl that I've worked with for the past year and a half. hehe, yeah, GAF will not like to hear that but I'm taking the risk.

If it works, great. GAF's only advice in these cases is really more of "if it doesn't work: gg work"

 

[low-G]

Well I'm done using online dating for now. About a month ago I started a relationship with a girl that I've worked with for the past year and a half. hehe, yeah, GAF will not like to hear that but I'm taking the risk.

Just should have plans to have you or her quit and find another job. That's what happened in the one functioning work relationship I know of personally

 

[subversus]

Does anyone else have this happen on OKC?

1. Message girl
2. Messages you back
3. Respond to that text
4. nothing ever since then

of course, it's quite usual.

 

[Tess3ract]

It's really frustrating.

 

[subversus]

It's really frustrating.

it's not if you message like 20 girls every day (if not 50).

my advice: if you're having a nice chat try moving it over to some internet messenger like Skype. This way you have higher chances to stay in her focus.

Also I don't know how it works on Match.com and OkCupid but try browsing people who have been on the site for some time. They are not new and hot, they don't get 1000 messages every day and they got over the initial repulsion of crazies messaging them. May be they even went on a date with somebody and understand how it works (I mean dating through dating sites).

 

[UFRA]

Well we did consider the consequences of things prior and talked it over. On the positive side, we've known each other for 1.5 yrs and so as far as I'm concerned she's not the type of person who I could imagine ending things with on bad terms, which is why I even considered this in the first place. If I thought she'd be a drama queen or one to hold grudges I wouldn't attempt it.

Who knows what will happen though lol...we are taking it slow is all I can say I guess.

 

[low-G]

It's really frustrating.

The thing you and others will learn is to lose that expectation &... I don't want to say hope, but realize this is a real casual, initial level.

You chat a bit, that's nothing.
You get her number, that's nothing.
You set up the date, that's nothing.
Things work out at the date, OK, that's something.
Second dates, something more. Make out, something more. Sex, something more.

A lot of you are still saying 'this is the one' or basically making this single or even a bunch of girls your only hope.

Hell, I get into that a bit myself, but I also keep finding girls that are more and more my style. Now I'm talking to an actual serious Asian gamer girl and things are moving along (not the only prospect I have right now by a long shot, mind, too.) and yet all this is just that, vague prospects. And the point being before I started talking to this girl I was talking to other girls that weren't nearly as attractive to me nor as interest sharing as this girl, and yet I thought some of them were 'the one'. So yeah, there's a lot of girls out there is what I'm saying.

 

[Dr_Boris_Goltz]

Okay guys I'm really on the verge of doing something stupid... I don't feel correct anymore.

I posted about it before in this thread but my girlfriend broke up with me 3 days ago and I can't take it.

I tossed a profile up on OKCupid just to see what was out there and there is NOBODY who compares to what I had.

The worst part is this is all my fault... I could have stopped this from happening. I could be with her now... in her bed... in her arms.

I used to want to die and that feeling is overwhelming me now. I don't know what to do...

 

[subversus]

A lot of you are still saying 'this is the one' or basically making this single or even a bunch of girls your only hope.

this post is truth.

It's not really serious unless you're in a month of relationship.

Dating through internet:

1)Chatting on the website
2)Chatting in some internet messenger/on phone/whatever - sometimes you skip this step and go straight to...
3)setting up a date
4)attending the date (she may not come, be ready for it)
5)enjoying the date (if not go to square one)
6)setting up the second date and let things move in usual fashion because it's not internet dating anymore, it's just dating.

 

[NeOak]

Okay guys I'm really on the verge of doing something stupid... I don't feel correct anymore.

I posted about it before in this thread but my girlfriend broke up with me 3 days ago and I can't take it.

I tossed a profile up on OKCupid just to see what was out there and there is NOBODY who compares to what I had.

The worst part is this is all my fault... I could have stopped this from happening. I could be with her now... in her bed... in her arms.

I used to want to die and that feeling is overwhelming me now. I don't know what to do...

Right now? Clear your mind. Go to sleep.

 

[Dr_Boris_Goltz]

Right now? Clear your mind. Go to sleep.

I can never sleep. My brain is too overactive when I'm trying to sleep. It won't let me fall asleep.

All I want to do is drive as fast as I can into a tree.

 

[Tess3ract]

Okay guys I'm really on the verge of doing something stupid... I don't feel correct anymore.

I posted about it before in this thread but my girlfriend broke up with me 3 days ago and I can't take it.

I tossed a profile up on OKCupid just to see what was out there and there is NOBODY who compares to what I had.

The worst part is this is all my fault... I could have stopped this from happening. I could be with her now... in her bed... in her arms.

I used to want to die and that feeling is overwhelming me now. I don't know what to do...

Stop comparing. Believe me I've been in your place more than once. It gets you no where.

 

[NeOak]

I can never sleep. My brain is too overactive when I'm trying to sleep. It won't let me fall asleep.

All I want to do is drive as fast as I can into a tree.

Take a sleeping pill. But you aren't thinking clearly: you want something bad to happen to you so she'll come to your side and take care of you.

It's over. It sucks, it hurts, but seriously: GO TO SLEEP.

 

[Chinner]

how can this happpen to meeee. i made my mistakkkkes.. i've got nooowheeere to run the night goooes oooon

 

[NeOak]

how can this happpen to meeee. i made my mistakkkkes.. i've got nooowheeere to run the night goooes oooon

Chinner, the drunk thread is that way -->

 

[Coconut]

I wish. I'm very social, make friends everywhere I go (male and female), and set up different parties/events/outings with them all throughout the week. Thing is, some people just don't understand attraction and socialization alone won't teach you that.

Well, I don't know what to to that I guess maybe you aren't going after the right type of women? Like it may sound fucked up but I've had to set some of my friend straight on the kinds of girls thy are trying to attract.

Tesseract some people are just number collectors.

 

[Dr_Boris_Goltz]

Take a sleeping pill. But you aren't thinking clearly: you want something bad to happen to you so she'll come to your side and take care of you.

It's over. It sucks, it hurts, but seriously: GO TO SLEEP.

Sorry but that's not the case here. I've suffered from depression my entire life and this is real. I'm not doing this for her attention... I'm doing this because I want this pain I'm feeling to stop... permanently.

 

[cashman]

Wouldn't that seem like the desperate thing to do?

It would only be desperate if she didn't like you

 

[NeOak]

Sorry but that's not the case here. I've suffered from depression my entire life and this is real. I'm not doing this for her attention... I'm doing this because I want this pain I'm feeling to stop... permanently.

Sorry, didn't know. And what you need is professional help right now.

 

[DrBo42]

"I thought we hit it off yesterday but I was kicking myself because I didn't get your number. I came back to make up for that." You say this right and it's confident as hell. You say it any other way and yes it is very much desperate. Risk reward man.

This x1000. Midnights wtf.

 

[Vermillion]

Damn. That happened to you?

wanna talk about it?



No I got you man, I'm just enjoying the ride.



"I thought we hit it off yesterday but I was kicking myself because I didn't get your number. I came back to make up for that." You say this right and it's confident as hell. You say it any other way and yes it is very much desperate. Risk reward man.

Holy shit, great advice. Making mental notes.

 

[Tess3ract]

The thing you and others will learn is to lose that expectation &... I don't want to say hope, but realize this is a real casual, initial level.

No I know it's nothing but it sucks because I'm like "wow she's pretty awesome, how perfect!"

then nothing

rrrrgh

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

No I know it's nothing but it sucks because I'm like "wow she's pretty awesome, how perfect!"

then nothing

rrrrgh

They're just playing the field man. They will message you until some better guy comes along. Online dating is pretty much built that way for women.

 

[Coconut]

Sorry but that's not the case here. I've suffered from depression my entire life and this is real. I'm not doing this for her attention... I'm doing this because I want this pain I'm feeling to stop... permanently.

As a person who has attempted suicide I don't recommend it. It sucks and nothing is worse. Even the shittiness you are feeling right now. Go stay with a friend for a little bit and cool down. We'd all be very upset to hear you had expired.

 

[Nibel]

I can never sleep. My brain is too overactive when I'm trying to sleep. It won't let me fall asleep.

All I want to do is drive as fast as I can into a tree.

Don't even think about this. Never throw your life away for anyone.

Of all options available - this is the stupidest of them. Don't be stupid, please.

 

[ZombieFred]

Sorry but that's not the case here. I've suffered from depression my entire life and this is real. I'm not doing this for her attention... I'm doing this because I want this pain I'm feeling to stop... permanently.

You know what Graffgor I think you need to see some help. Don't take this as an insult or as weakness that you might need to see someone but I think it's best to go and seek in help with someone who can give you that or seek aid in very close friends or family. I am not afraid to say that I've had the "what if" choice after I had to end my relationship with my ex fiance 7 months ago, and then having to get my own place and start a completly new life in this county. All my close friends and family are very far away from me and I work up here and love the job. It's very tough and being alone in a house to yourself is not nice for me in some ways because of the enviroment I use to be in but I am sorting these things out and seeing friends when I can. Life can be difficult but seeking aid if you feel helpless is the right thing to do.

 

[Pat]

Well I did look at her and smile. I think that at least opened the door. She won't come to you if you're staring at the floor and looking unapproachable.

Exactly. I think you did great, you probably felt confident with that look. Getting the phone number doesn't matter for now, I honestly think you shouldn't go back. Take it as a great learning experience for the next one. There will be plenty of them.

 

[TurboLibre]

Well, I don't know what to to that I guess maybe you aren't going after the right type of women? Like it may sound fucked up but I've had to set some of my friend straight on the kinds of girls thy are trying to attract.

Doubt it. I don't have a type, and there's not all that much in common with the girls I've had a shot with. A pretty wide range of women and it all played out the exact same way. Some people just don't get it, and I'm one of them.

On a side note: a while back two different women mentioned they would date me if they weren't in a relationship. Well they're single now, and neither one of them is interested. I don't think I'll ever understand people.

 

[Dr_Boris_Goltz]

I ended up talking to my sister who has been through problably the worst break up I've ever seen... It helped a little.

I think I'm going to sign up for a pay dating site... would help filter a lot of people.

I just gave every bit of myself to my ex... Deep down I knew it would never work but I never expected her to just give up on me.

Edit: The suicide stuff scares the hell out of me, but it's real. I won't use you guys as a support hotline, but I am very grateful for all the responses. They mean a lot.

 

[Sky Chief]

I went out for dinner tonight with my roommates and the entire time we are talking to our waitress having a great time. She is super cute and totally cool. However, I know that's her job so I didn't do anything. We all give her monster tips for being so awesome and then after we leave my roommate says that he wrote my number down on his check with an arrow pointing to where I was sitting and told her she should call me for a drink sometime. I kind of laugh it off and really don't expect anything.

I'm getting in bed a couple hours later and she texts me. We start chatting and stuff but I am really tired so I just ask her if she wants to go for a drink sometime. She responds "you seem really cool but full disclosure, I for the moment have a boyfriend." And then follows that with "but I very much wish I could."

I asked her what "for the moment" meant with a smiley face and she says "it means that without going into tons of detail, I have one right now. Sorry, working on my paper " and then before I can even respond she writes "I guess goodnight." and I say goodnight.

I'm pretty sure that she's into me, I mean why just send a text to a note that my roommate left unless she was especially since she has a boyfriend? It would have been way easier to just completely ignore. I mean, I sometimes ask girls for their numbers and then never call them for some reason or another and those are numbers I was trying to get. Not really sure how to proceed on this one.

 

[Nibel]

I just gave every bit of myself to my ex... Deep down I knew it would never work but I never expected her to just give up on me.

I don't want to sound like an asshole, but that's the problem: you should never make a woman "your world"; she should always be a big part of it, but not the reason why you live.

I love my girlfriend and we had some stupid arguments, but as much as I love this woman I must say that she isn't everything in my life.

 

[ZombieFred]

Hmmm, what do you guys think, there's a relationship therapist near where I live and I am tempted to go there and see if I can get rid of this notion of thinking about my ex sometimes, even if I know it’s not helping and I know my confidence and spirit is still strong. It’s weird. The thing is I’d be looking at paying around £200 in total (350 dollars) for about the average of four sessions and a day course of meeting others that have been going through relationship issues. It would be an interesting experience and money is not a problem at all, but I am thinking if it would be a waste as I know I’ve got everything going for me and have a lot of great stuff in my life, but this whole ex fiancé on damaging my mind in some way is not helping. No shame in trying right? The main highlight would be finding myself again 100% and knowing what I want in life and what really makes me happy.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Hmmm, what do you guys think, there's a relationship therapist near where I live and I am tempted to go there and see if I can get rid of this notion of thinking about my ex sometimes, even if I know it’s not helping and I know my confidence and spirit is still strong. It’s weird. The thing is I’d be looking at paying around £200 in total (350 dollars) for about the average of four sessions and a day course of meeting others that have been going through relationship issues. It would be an interesting experience and money is not a problem at all, but I am thinking if it would be a waste as I know I’ve got everything going for me and have a lot of great stuff in my life, but this whole ex fiancé on damaging my mind in some way is not helping. No shame in trying right? The main highlight would be finding myself again 100% and knowing what I want in life and what really makes me happy.

I am offering to help you for 350 US DOLLARS

 

[ZombieFred]

I am offering to help you for 350 US DOLLARS

There's a difference when it comes to talking to someone about it in person who knows their stuff than people here

Well I've decided to book an apointment. I decided that having the experience and knowledge of going there and seeing how it works would be a great help and understanding on myself for the future and also being able to use that to help others on areas I would have never thought before. I am not depressed or anything but if I want to have a very effective relationship for the future and feel very content with myself after the ordeal of my ex fiance then this will go a long way. Should be interesting when I'll have my first session (only doing 2-3) in five hours.

 

[subversus]

Not really sure how to proceed on this one.

I'd continue texting and see how it goes.

 

[Sarye]

I highly recommend calling to set up the first date. And frankly, for just about every date.

umm... no. Here's a few reasons why.

1) setting up a first date is very nerve wrecking and that can carry over in your voice. With text, you can plan and think about what you are going to say.

2) IF she doesn't pick up you have to leave a voicemail... or maybe you lose your nerve and hang up. Now what? Do you want her to come back to her phone and see many missed calls? Screams stalker. You will agonize whether she even heard your voicemail. With text, you can be sure that she will see it whenever she is free.

3) some people see phonecalls a next step over texting and they are just not comfortable with it before you even meet a person.

We are not talking about chatting on text. We are just talking about setting something up.

 

[Raynes]

Got a date coming up. Don't know where to go (suggestions welcome), but I plan to confess how I feel to her. Just wondering what the best way to go about this is? Like what do I say? Will a simple "I really like you, and want you to be my girlfriend" at the end of our day suffice?

 

[subversus]

Got a date coming up. Don't know where to go (suggestions welcome), but I plan to confess how I feel to her. Just wondering what the best way to go about this is? Like what do I say? Will a simple "I really like you, and want you to be my girlfriend" at the end of our day suffice?

it depends on how old you both are.

 

[Opus Angelorum]

Will a simple "I really like you, and want you to be my girlfriend" at the end of our day suffice?

You could say something like 'I'd really like to see you again' at the end and leave it at that. You should be able to 'read' her reaction.

 

[EviLore]

Got a date coming up. Don't know where to go (suggestions welcome), but I plan to confess how I feel to her. Just wondering what the best way to go about this is? Like what do I say? Will a simple "I really like you, and want you to be my girlfriend" at the end of our day suffice?

Dear Cthulhu, man, that's not how you do things. Go on the date. Have a good time. If she's having a good time too, kiss her or whatever else explicitly physical and setting the tone for romantic involvement. See how it plays out.

Leave the confessions and will you be my girlfriends for the 5th grade playground or feudal melodrama.

 

[Raynes]

You could say something like 'I'd really like to see you again' at the end and leave it at that. You should be able to 'read' her reaction.

I don't think that would work in this context, since we have been friends for over 2 years now and she's basically given away all her feelings for me already lots of times ( e.g. "you > everything and everyone"). It's already like we're in a relationship, I just need to make it official so we can recognise each other as a couple.

 

[Opus Angelorum]

I don't think that would work in this context, since we have been friends for over 2 years now and she's basically given away all her feelings for me already lots of times ( e.g. "you > everything and everyone"). It's already like we're in a relationship, I just need to make it official so we can recognise each other as a couple.

Well I guess it depends what you want from this relationship, and where you would like it to go.

If you have both spoke about it in the past, then in this instance I think being honest about your true feelings is the best policy. Your friend may very well be happy with the situation as it stands.

 

[Arjen]

I don't think that would work in this context, since we have been friends for over 2 years now and she's basically given away all her feelings for me already lots of times ( e.g. "you > everything and everyone"). It's already like we're in a relationship, I just need to make it official so we can recognise each other as a couple.

So you were friends, and now? This is going to be your first date? Did you sleep with her?

 

[Kinitari]

I don't think that would work in this context, since we have been friends for over 2 years now and she's basically given away all her feelings for me already lots of times ( e.g. "you > everything and everyone"). It's already like we're in a relationship, I just need to make it official so we can recognise each other as a couple.

I would STILL say take your damn time. The beginning stages of dating are a magical process. Okay not magical, but fun as fuck. Take your time and enjoy it, let it happen naturally.

You're lucky enough that you should be able to enjoy it without worrying about rejection, so you get all the slow exciting buildup without any of that worrying about how she feels.

Throwing around confessions and labels just adds unnecessary melodrama.

 

[Coconut]

Got a date coming up. Don't know where to go (suggestions welcome), but I plan to confess how I feel to her. Just wondering what the best way to go about this is? Like what do I say? Will a simple "I really like you, and want you to be my girlfriend" at the end of our day suffice?

Don't do that. You have suddenly put this expectation and burden on some one to carry your heart around for you. Just play it cool and at the end of the date, if you actually had a good time be like, 'that was fun.', and let it play out naturally over the span of weeks or even months.

I don't think that would work in this context, since we have been friends for over 2 years now and she's basically given away all her feelings for me already lots of times ( e.g. "you > everything and everyone"). It's already like we're in a relationship, I just need to make it official so we can recognise each other as a couple.

You should not be greater than everything and everyone to a person. Stuff like that is a terrible thing to say to some one.

 

[demonkaze]

So i've got a bit of an issue that I could use some help with. This girl that I have known for 2 and a half years are pretty close and this last weekend things got very physical when we were very drunk. I fingered her and there was a lot of oral but we didn't go all the way because we were both pretty plastered and she said she was very tired.

Fast forward to two days ago and she tells me she really likes me and is thinking about getting more serious however here is the problem: She's a real sex freak, like she really loves sex (don't we all) and pretty much her whole life is based around how important sex is to her.

Now I know you're all thinking "whats the problem?" and I agree, it's pretty awesome that she's like this however she has told me that if the first time she fucks someone is not as great as she's expecting then it can kill of any interest in that guy for her. We're going to be going out this weekend and i'm pretty sure we'll find ourselves in this situation however I'm starting to feel the pressure a bit now lol. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Coconut]

Don't fuck her and build the suspense.